The No-Contact Rule and How it Works

By on October 9, 2013

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You know the usual break-up pattern, you cry, text him, beg him to come back, and tell him your feelings over and over again. You just know that once he sees how much you love him, he will come around. If he realizes your dedication, he’s yours again right? Wrong. Women, we are doing the break-up dance all wrong. We’ve all done the begging at one point, but it’s the worst thing you can do in the situation. If you hope to get your ex back, you have a better chance with the no-contact rule. The no-contact rule works much better and makes you look better in the end, no matter the outcome.

 

What is The No-Contact Rule?

The no-contact rule is just as it sounds. No contact for at least 30 days. This means no texts, no emails, no calls, no “accidental” run-ins, nothing. There are no exceptions to this rule. If you break the rule and send a quick hello text message, you have broken the no-contact rule and it becomes void. For the best chance at getting your ex back, you have to have absolutely no contact whatsoever! This includes checking in on his social media accounts. Just because you are not actually speaking with him, doesn’t mean the constant checking up on him isn’t dangerous for you mentally. Delete or block him if you can’t help but look at his sites.

Sometimes the no-contact rule is just not possible. There are situations that exes are in that requires contact. If this is impossible because you work together, have children, or some other reason, you have to limit contact to absolutely what is necessary and nothing else. Talk about the kids only if that’s the case. Talk during work ABOUT WORK only if that’s the case. Whatever the situation is, talk about nothing other than the required subject. Do not even ask how they are doing just to be polite. You don’t care. You have moved on, right?

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The Chase

In the beginning of your relationship, you both had to work to impress each other. He chased you and you probably did some chasing as well. Somewhere along the way in most relationships, the chasing stops. The fun ends. People stop trying to impress each other and comfort sets in. Comfort is not necessarily a bad thing, but things can get too comfortable. When neither party tries anymore, the relationship goes stale really quickly. Whether or not men will admit it, they love the chase. That is why the no-contact order is brilliant. It creates the chase scenario again. Men realize that you are not chasing them and wonder why. Now they have to chase you instead. Believe me, 9 times out of 10, they will take up the chase again if you show that you are not in any way chasing them.

 

We Want What We Can’t Have

Every person has a little bit of this inside themselves. We all want what we can’t have. If you are constantly contacting him, he knows that he can have you in a heartbeat. Make him think otherwise. By not contacting him, you make him think that he cannot have you. Then he wants you more. I understand that this seems like a big game. It’s not. It’s the natural way that relationships work. Being too available is a huge turn-off for anyone, men or women. It reeks of desperation and no one wants a desperate significant other. You need to make him think that you are not available to him every minute of every day. You have a life and he may or may not be in it. Make him wonder why he can’t have you anymore. Make him long to have you since it appears that cannot anymore

 

During the No-Contact

After a relationship in which you were always allowed to contact your love, it’s hard to go to absolutely no contact, especially if your heart is hurting. In a relationship you are more or less addicted to the contact, touch, and love. After a break-up, you go through withdrawals of some sort. You need to find something to occupy your mind instead of letting the withdrawals eat you alive. Try these things during the no-contact order to ensure better success;

1. Better Yourself

Join a gym, take some classes, go shopping, work on quitting bad habits, etc. Take up a new hobby or learn a new talent. Whatever you do, just better yourself in some way. If your ex knows that you are bettering yourself, he will wonder why you aren’t dying in depression over him. “Maybe she wasn’t so in love with me as I thought?” He will work on trying to make you fall for him again.

2. Have Fun!

Go to every party you are invited to. Spend some time at the club (but do not drunk text while there!). Hang out with friends that you have neglected during your relationship. Maybe even go on a vacation. Have as much fun as possible and post those pictures everywhere to show your ex how much fun you have being single. Not only will he wonder when you started having fun without him, but he will also long to have as much fun as you are having. Lastly, he will wonder why he never saw this fun side of you.

3. Date

There are a whole lot of experts that say dating too soon is a recipe for destruction. We disagree. We’re not saying that you have to fall in love and move in with a new guy a week after your break-up, but go on some light-hearted dates. Chances are that your ex will hear about it and wonder how you moved on so fast. This goes back to the chase and it hits the competition bone that all men possess.

4. Look Your Best

Obviously you want to hang out in your pajamas and wallow in your sadness all day long without as much as taking a shower. Break-ups are very hard. It’s understandable. Don’t do it. Even if you plan on staying at home all day, get up, get showered, and look your best. It will make you feel a lot better about yourself whether or not anyone sees you.

5. Keep busy

Fill out your calendar so busy that there won’t be time to contact your ex even if you wanted to. Whether you pick up more hours at work or take up a second job, just find something to keep you busy. A busy mind is not a wandering mind. Don’t let your mind wander into contacting him. Pretend that you are just too busy to find the time in the day to talk to him. You’re very in demand after all.

 

Tripped Along the Way

 None of us are perfect and it’s okay if you trip up. Ideally you don’t want to fail at this for best results, but all is not lost if you break the no-contact rule. The only problem is that you have to start all over for it to work correctly. You need at least 30 days of no contact for this to work like it should. When you contact him, you show him that he doesn’t need to chase anymore. He got you with ease right? Start over from day one and he will wonder what happened. He might momentarily think he got you back, but then confuse him by going away again.

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Mind Changed

Many times with the no-contact rule, a woman will realize that she doesn’t truly want him back after all. With the 30 days away, clarity comes. The rose colored glasses come off and suddenly things don’t look as good as they once did. This is great! Do not think of this as a bad thing at all. You’re a different person than you were during the relationship and break-up period. Move along and continue on as you were doing during the no-contact time. Be sure to tell him how you feel though as to not string him along when you have no intentions of going back to him. Also, in your next relationship, try to not make the same mistakes that were made in this one and use the 30 day no-contact rule whenever a break-up happens.

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What If It Doesn’t Work?

 Depending on the relationship, the parties involved, and why the break-up happened, the no-contact rule might not work. After everything is said and done maybe one or both of you realize that the relationship wasn’t a good fit anyway. Accept that it was not meant to be and move along. Continue on with no-contact as long as you need to move on fully with your heart. Relationships end and new ones begin. With your new skills, new self, and new confidence, it shouldn’t be long until a new relationship comes about. In the meantime, enjoy your freedom! Have fun and be selfish. Do what you want to do, when you want to do it, and with whom you want to do it with.

Whatever you do, do not rush into a serious relationship just because you don’t want to be alone anymore. This never works out the way you think it will. That is a sure-fire way to be in this same, heartbroken position again. Instead, innocently date a variety of guys. Keep it light. You will get better clarity about what you are truly looking for in a man and what you need out of a relationship. Also, keep up your confidence and independence. No man wants a relationship in which his girl is solely dependent on him.

 

414 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Miri

    March 20, 2016 at 10:57 pm

    I’ve been dating a guy for a month. He was a college friend that I knew for the past two years but we only began chatting a few months ago. Then a little over a month ago he asked me out and I said yes.
    In the time we were together there were ups and downs. He has a short temper and can be unreasonable sometimes and I was uncharacteristically emotional for a while. We almost broke up but I convinced him there weren’t issues we couldn’t resolve and he agreed.
    Our relationship improved quite a bit but yesterday he decided to end it. While he said he loved me that wasn’t enough for him. He said he didn’t feel the relationship was where he needed it to be. While I agree with him on that I still believe we can salvage it.
    Since the official relationship was only six weeks long does a one month period of no contact make sense?
    We both have admitted to liking each other for far more than that. And after much thought I feel this is more than just withdrawal. I do really want to get back together.
    What would you advise?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 23, 2016 at 11:51 pm

      No contact does not make sense. If he is not interested, not talking to him will not help. If he is interested, not talking to him will only drive him away. Instead of going full-on no-contact, I would just tell him that you want to respect his decision and give him space. Text him back and talk to him if he calls, but hold off on initiating conversations or encouraging them until he has figured out what he wants. Good luck!

  2. Avatar

    KKLove

    March 20, 2016 at 5:54 am

    I never thought I’d be here, but I guess it does feel better talking to others or at least write it down. I’m sorry this is so long, but I felt more details would give readers a full sense of what’s happening…

    I met my gf when she was 22, just out of college. I was 33 making some major life changes with my house and business. Even with the age difference and life changes, we hit it off and fell in love very quickly. I can say even up until last year we were still head over heels. Everyone would comment on how our love was so obvious. Matter of fact, her mother would say how beautiful it was to see her daughter so in love.

    Now, within the last 2 years, we’ve definitely been fighting more than we wanted to. Even when we got into heated arguments, we never wanted to hurt each other and would get over it very quickly. (1 issue may have been that we never resolved things.) Here is where I have the issue…my gf started to get very depressed. A big part of it was she chose a career that was bringing her down. She would literally come home from work and cry herself to sleep. Trying to be supportive, I simply took on the house chores, making her life easier. (2nd issue, during this time we decided to get a puppy.) I mention this because if you’ve ever trained a puppy, it takes a lot of your time! My gf started to feel neglected. Only about two weeks ago she said, “I can’t take this puppy anymore.” I said that I couldn’t get rid of her, and she was leaving me with an ultimatum. She didn’t reply. So I packed me and the puppy up (thinking short-term to give everyone a break.) Even when I was leaving she said, “You don’t have to leave,” but I just really felt it was for the best.

    I felt even with all that, I left on good terms. We hung out 2 days later, and then made a date to grab lunch that Friday. When I got there she asked what my motive was? I said, “We are together 6.5 years, what do you mean?” She then became cold and said I just want to be friends. I need to find myself (not the first time I heard this…I am her first.) So from there I realized that I must give her space in order for this to ever work. For 4 days she texted me every day, I did not respond. Then the 5th day I was driving and it just so happens she saw me. She called my phone twice, then texted that she ‘saw me ignore her call’. Feeling bad, I picked up at her third call. We talked, it was fine, but then in the same sentence she said she needs to do this and take time. I agreed and hung up. NC from both sides for 2 days. As of last night I called her because I relapsed after finding an email from her exactly 5 years ago. It was the most amazing email about her “insane connection” with me. She then went on to say, “If I have to tell you it’s over to get over me, than I am telling you it’s forever.” My heart was crushed. I do hear from her friends that she never says bad things about me, and actually said I was the most amazing person, but keeps saying that she simply couldn’t give me what I wanted. This is where I have the problem…she did give me everything which is why I was in this forever. This is making me feel delusional. Was I imagining our love?

    So I just can’t figure out if she really was just too young and needs to experience life on her own, is her depression with other things carrying over into our relationship and the fighting go to be too much? Logically I can say, “I want a partner that if they go through something, they will lean on me, not push me away,” but I just don’t know how far depression can push you. After this week, only up until last night I’ve been a complete mess over this. Maybe hearing there is no hope hit home for me.

    In my heart I feel like she’ll make her way back to me, but I’m also one to believe life doesn’t work that way. That most people just move on. My head is saying to give her this time, but my heart is very delayed in doing so and wants to fight for her. Does she feel I picked the puppy over her? Sounds funny, but she did make a comment like that a month ago. Was I missing what she was saying? By her words, I just feel it’s too late.

    Thoughts?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 23, 2016 at 11:28 pm

      I do not think that you picked the puppy over her. She could have just as easily said for you to stay with the puppy–after all, no compassionate person would make someone get rid of their dog (especially since it was her idea in the first place!) You did not just imagine the feelings and connection of the last 6.5 years. Even if you guys never date again, that does not mean that she was not in love with you. From the sound of it, things have been going wrong in her life for a while. She is stressed from her job, depressed, and even getting a dog wasn’t as enjoyable as she thought. She certainly needs space to sort things out, but there is no guarantee that she will come back. With this level of depression and unhappiness, it could take her years to sort things out and be upbeat again. You have done your best, so it is not your fault. If she does text her or call her, explain that you are there if she needs support, but you are just going to minimize your calls so that she has the space that she needs.

  3. Avatar

    Nora adlouni

    March 19, 2016 at 2:18 am

    Hello, my ex and I were together for 6 months. But during these 6 months we broke up many times. He was the one always dumping me for no reason. After a couple of days, he would always talk to me again and we would get back. I am so in love with him, and he doesn’t love me the same way I love him. About 2 months ago he broke up with me saying he never really loved me and just wanted to be alone. Naturally, I thought he would come back to me after a couple of days but he didn’t. He met a new girl and they have been talking and going out. I am so heart-broken. 3 days ago, out of the blue,he texts me saying he Misses me and wants to get back together. We spent the day together and everything. The next morning, he breaks up with me saying he never wants to hear from me again. I decided to block him everywhere. Is there a chance he might talk to me again ?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 23, 2016 at 10:26 pm

      It sounds like he is just using you when he feels alone or regrets his decisions. Honestly, it would be best for your own sake to move on. He does not love you as deeply as you love him, and he is not being fair to you. If you do the no-contact rule, it seems rather likely that he would get in touch with you in a week, month or year when he is feeling lonely again. The only thing that would happen though is that the entire cycle would just repeat again. Think carefully through your next move because the relationship is probably not worth the stress and trauma of being with him.

  4. Avatar

    Min

    March 17, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    Hey! So I have a bit of a strange one for you lol. I have known this guy for nearly 3 years. We have always fancied each other. I live next door to his mum, so we’ve always got along and both of our families get along too. He’s 39 and I’m 24. The age doesn’t bother either of us and we started talking “romantically” back end of October 2015. We didn’t have our first date until December because I was so nervous I kept putting him off lol! I know that’s wrong but anyway we had our first date, it was great. We spoke for hours and hours and really got on. He spoke to me about marriage and how he would love to get married, we were pretty much boyfriend and girlfriend without being official lol. My family knew we were together and they were really happy for us. He WANTED me to tell my family. He only has one sister who is seriously ill and his mum is 74, his dad passed away years ago, so it’s just those 3! And he is always round his mums house, he has a very demanding job his mum always says how busy he is. Anyway, things were going so well. Then, poof! He’s gone. It’s asif he’s fell off the face of the earth lol. He has always been slow at texting and he’s always joked about it because he’s only recently just got a phone. Anyway I still have him on Facebook and snapchat, and he has told me he only has me on snapchat, and he is ALWAYS viewing my snapchat story!!! And in the past month or so since we’ve not spoken properly he has dropped in a few times for random convo then goes again. He told me when we started seeing each other that if he wanted “just sex” he would go next door to his mums! Lol that would make everything awkward… And guess what? He was right lol. I honestly was falling for him and I truly thought he feeling was mutual. He treat me like a queen and we were getting on so good!! He came round my house and fitted some draws up for me, then that was the last I saw him. My friends, my family and myself are beyond confused ?!?! What do I do? I deactivated my Facebook (personal reasons) so I’m not on there anymore checking his Facebook. And my friends are telling me to stop updating snapchat and he will soon wonder where I have gone. But what if he just deletes the app and doesn’t care? To me, I feel like it’s not over and it’s just a blip, like I said his sister is really ill. But I don’t know what to do? Should I try NC or message him and see what’s going on? I feel like we were too far along in the relationship for him to “fade out” and that’s what bugs me, surely after months of seeing each other I deserve an explanation!! I’m so sorry for the long essay but I really need some help? Thanks in advance!

    • Avatar

      Min

      March 17, 2016 at 12:40 pm

      Sorry I meant to say he said he WOULD NOT go next door to his mums lol my bad x

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 23, 2016 at 5:40 pm

        No worries—I totally understood what you meant. Thanks for commenting and let me know if you need any more help! 🙂

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 23, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      Get some space and wait to do anything. His sister is really ill, so it may be best to give him the benefit of the doubt. There is no reason to keep checking your Snapchat or updating it constantly, but I wouldn’t delete the account yet. Wait at least a month until you give up completely or delete your Snapchat. It sounds like he was seriously interested in you and you guys hit it off, so it could just be the problems with his sister that are holding him back.

  5. Avatar

    Leah

    March 16, 2016 at 3:36 am

    I was dating someone I met online for three weeks. At first he seemed really into me, kept telling me that he thought I was great and interesting, initiated the first three dates, and would contact me quite often. I probably made the mistake of getting intimate with him on the third date. I felt we were a really good match, much better compared to my ex. We met briefly once after that because I was nearby. Considering he had been asking me out, I thought it was my turn to ask him out. But when I did, it seemed a bit hard to set a time with him. We initially set a time to meet but he remembered the next day that he had to work late shift that day. Then he suggested doing something the following week but didn’t contact me for two days to give me a time. At that point I sort of lost patience and felt he was not genuinely interested in dating me. (I still don’t know whether I was just being too sensitive and insecure or my suspicion was legit.) I sent several pretty emotional messages to him basically saying if he didn’t want to see me it’s fine, I just expected him to follow through, and that maybe he should rethink whether he wants to date me. He was quite taken back by my reaction, saying he was just extremely busy for those two days. I regret it that very night and apologised profusely the next day. He replied saying he felt we shouldnt date any more, but would love to hang out as friends. We sent several other messages and he was being really nice, saying he still think I’m great, not mad at me at all it seemed. two days later I asked why he felt we weren’t right for each other just based on this incident, and he never replied. It’s been ten days now. I haven’t contacted him since and I don’t plan to. I know I really shouldn’t have been so emotional with him, but I still struggle to understand how he could come to to that conclusion when we got along really well whenever we met prior. Also I don’t know why he offered to be friends, twice. Is there anything to salvage here? I regret what I said to him and wish I was more patient. But at the same time I felt if he could dismiss me based on one mistake (albeit very early on in dating) on my part then he may not be worth my time. I’d really love to hear your take on this. I’m really frustrated with this whole dating thing now. 🙁 Thank you!

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 22, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      Whether he was interested in dating you again or not, it does not seem like he is going to be interested in dating you know. You have only been dating for a very short time period, so sending or receiving overly emotional texts is fairly intense at this stage of the game. It has been ten days since he last talked to you, so he has probably moved on. He offered to remain friends as a way to let you down easy, and he probably did not actually intend on following through with it. On the bright side, you can find the right guy for you now that you move on–you need someone who can understand your moods and match your intense feelings, and he is obviously not up to the task. Good luck! I hope that everything works out for you better next time!

  6. Avatar

    Stephanie

    March 14, 2016 at 3:16 pm

    So I met him through a friend and after 5 months he left me over n arguement only to contact me exactly after a month.i dunno if he knew about the 30 day nc rule .Anyway, He was positive he wanted to give this a shot and work on it though he said we still need to work on getting to each other.
    We spent a lot of time after work during the weekdays doing things making out , learning each other’s background etc… It wasn’t always a relationship where it was only two lovers . We also dwelled into other things as n when they approached. However a few months later we reached situations in between where he said he couldn’t find a friend In me which was a very important thing and started acting distant , asking me to give him space of days sometimes weeks . But I was patient n wanted to help. Eventually he told me the space isn’t helping and maybe I’m growing distant from you. He said I’m a great partner in terms of a lover but couldn’t see a friend . He started avoiding my texts , it would take him a lot of texting or days of waiting before he’d send me a random text or a fwd from the web.
    Eventually I sat him down n asked him if he’d be happy if this was over , then he replied I’m scared that I’ll hurt your feelings . I asked him if he has anyone else he’s seeing which caused this to happen and he said honestly I have no one and I’ve been focussed on us since the start. You can’t force something which can’t happen. I am trying and so are you if it’s not meant to be you should be ok with it.You and me can only do so much and then I got it out of his mouth that he wanted to end this. I broke down and he wanted to talk but I just wasn’t in the position and eventually he told me to go home it’s been three weeks I haven’t made any contact . I’m not being stubborn but shouldn’t he be the one to contact me especially when he gave me reasons that things weren’t working out. I know I gave my all. But I’m not a door mat. What I want to know here is if the 30 day nc is applicable Bcoz he is someone who is very stressed about other things and I’m not someone who’d find another being to be in a relationship with.
    Thankyou for reading

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 15, 2016 at 9:59 am

      If he wants the relationship to continue, then it should be him that contacts you. From the sound of it, he seriously wants the relationship to be over with for all of the reasons that he mentioned. The 30-day rule probably will not help in this case because he genuinely wants to leave. It could help you though by giving the space you need to get over him and move on. Hopefully, the next person you date will be as interested in and committed to the relationship as you are.

  7. Avatar

    Nikki

    March 2, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    I was dating someone for 4 months off and on, and it was never official. We recently called it off, because he wasn’t ready for a relationship, as he had told me before and I believe it was because he really lost interest. I recognize that my problem was that I have someone who wasn’t my boyfriend, girlfriend privileges such as supporting them, cooking, etc…which I will not do again? I only did because he was giving so much in the beginning, and I just wanted to match his effort; I felt something instantly for him that I had never felt before. There were always other girls in the picture, but I didn’t let it phase me because we weren’t official…although it still really hurt. I could see for the past month he was beginning to pull away, and I would too. But then I would miss him and contact him. We recently decided to just be friends, but I’m still hurt because I genuinely cared for him more than I have for anyone. And I gave him 100%, and I feel like he gave me 10% (just a fraction of himself to every other girl he was talking to). It’s been a week and I haven’t talked to him, but I can’t decide if I miss him or if I just want to see an ounce of him that cared or even still cares for me. I just don’t understand why people allow themselves to be distracted and keeping looking elsewhere when you have a good, unique connection with someone. Do you think the 30 day rule will maybe help or its a lost cause?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 2, 2016 at 4:13 pm

      It may be a lost cause in this case. He either wants to play the field for a while, or he decided to date one of the other girls more seriously. If he does want to play the field, the connection between you and the gradual development of the relationship may have scared him off for now. If this is the case, he may become interested in dating you again in a few months or years when he is ready to have a relationship. If he decided to end things to focus more on one of his other relationships, he might never come back, and the no-contact rule would not help. For the moment, it may be best for you to just take a step back and get some space. Focus on developing your own skills, hobbies and friend network. It is never easy to love someone a lot more than they love you, and staying busy will hopefully help you to get over this a bit faster. It will take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, but you will heal over time. Good luck, Nikki!

      • Avatar

        Nikki

        March 23, 2016 at 9:35 am

        Thank you, I agree!! We’ve been kinda talking…trying to be just friends! But now I’m debating if that is even a good idea! I want him in my life, but I don’t want to be with him because I saw how little he cared for me during our “situationship”(if that makes sense). I am a really genuine and forgiving person and I feel like he needs me as a friend, but then I don’t really see him taking actions to keep me in his life in anyway…like he may text here and there! But if you wanted someone really in your life (even if they were just a friend)? Idk I’m confused lol! What do you suggest? I guess when you care and love hard…feelings die hella slow

        • web admin

          web admin

          March 23, 2016 at 5:18 pm

          It really is up to you. If it does not seem like you guys can ever be more than friends, it might be too stressful to stay friends with him. It just depends on what you think will happen, what you can handle and what you want. Good luck, Nikki!

  8. Avatar

    Laarah

    February 28, 2016 at 4:39 am

    Hello, this is Laarah again. Coming back to you asking for another break up advice.

    In short, I’ve been in an online LD relationship, we planned to meet by the end of this year. We’ve been through a lot of break ups, all the storms you can possibly imagine and we were always coming back to each other cause we truly loved each other and I guess we still do, somehow. At least I do.

    It’s been two weeks now since he broke up again. He’s been through a lot of troubles lately, had bad time at work, some family issues and during that time he’s been very cold and distant with me, at first I was ok with it, well i can’t expect his world to be spinning around me, but when he left me alone on valentines day i’ve gone pretty mad and told him that I don’t deserve this bitterness. In response he said that we should seriously stop talking, cause he’s got enough problems of his own. Few days after that was my birthday, so he said happy birthday twice, once on facebook, once in a text message. I replied “thank you :)” to both.

    Since then, no contact, and I am not contacting him either. It was always me to come back crawling after few days, but this time it wasn’t my fault. I’m trying to be strong, but it sucks without him, and i miss his presence a lot. We’re still “friends” on social media, so even there I’m trying to pretend that it didn’t affect me at all. I don’t want to give up on him, but I don’t know if it’s wise to wait until he gets his things straight, or should I just move on and leave him behind. Would it be needy of me to contact him first? My mind is a mess.

    • Avatar

      Laarah

      February 28, 2016 at 6:15 am

      What I want him to do is to realize that I loved him with everything in my entire being, that I have loved him truly and unconditionally. I want him to realize that he can lose this love, cause at some point my patience will end too. I guess no contact is perfect for that, but he’s thousands of miles away from me and can easily just forget me and move on if i used the no contact rule on him.

      Sigh. The moment I decided to get involved into this I already knew that it’s going to hurt like a motherf*er.

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 28, 2016 at 9:21 am

        🙁 I am sure you have told him how you feel and how much you love him in the past, so he should already know that. He may even be playing on this unconditional love–after all, he has acted badly or argued in the past, and you always came back. Your best bet is to just wait for him to contact you. IN the meantime, focus on moving on so that you have a life ready for you in case he never comes back. It is wonderful that you can love so unconditionally, but he needs to learn to love you in the same fashion and stop taking advantage of your kind heart.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 28, 2016 at 9:19 am

      The best thing you can do right now is focus on just moving on. It isn’t fair that you are always the one going after him–although you said it was your fault in the past, I doubt that was the case. In relationships, it is generally both people at fault. You have done everything you can for a good relationship, so he has to get his head on straight if you guys are every going to be together over the long term. Right now, focus on yourself and moving on. If he does reach out to you, you can go ahead and talk to him. If he does not, then it might be best just to move on for good. Long distance relationships are never easy, and it seems like he is not trying to make the situation any easier for you guys. Good luck!

      • Avatar

        Laarah

        February 28, 2016 at 3:25 pm

        Thanks.
        Should I delete him off facebook and all?

        • web admin

          web admin

          February 28, 2016 at 3:31 pm

          If you think it is necessary, but you don’t have to.

        • Avatar

          Laarah

          February 28, 2016 at 3:33 pm

          It’s not easy at all for me. I’m crying while i’m writing this and dear “web admin” whoever you are, you’ve helped me a lot in the past. I have thoughts of suicide. My heart is in pain.

          • web admin

            web admin

            February 28, 2016 at 6:13 pm

            Wait several months before you do anything so drastic. It may not seem like it now, but things will get better. There are actually some MRI studies that show that the human mind looks like it is mentally insane. This explains why people feel so out of their minds following a break up. The “high” of an infatuation and being in love suddenly disappears, which leads to depression and other problems. It takes several weeks to several months to start to feel normal again, so give yourself this time to start to heal. In the meanwhile, try to stay busy and stay around people. Perhaps take up a new hobby, start working out or sign up for a college class. Be patient and healing will happen.

            • Avatar

              Laarah

              March 2, 2016 at 2:14 am

              I wrote him a message. I said that I had a great time with him which I am thankful for, I told him that he was a great friend to me through all that time together, that he is a wonderful person and I haven’t lost faith that maybe at some point we could be able to work on being together. And, that for now I wish him a beautiful life.

              He didn’t respond to that. Still, feels like a relief.
              Keep your fingers crossed for us!

              • web admin

                web admin

                March 2, 2016 at 8:01 am

                I’ll keep my fingers crossed. You have done the right thing by reaching out, and hopefully he ends up responding and realizes what he is missing out on. Good luck, Laarah!

              • Avatar

                Laarah

                March 2, 2016 at 8:15 am

                Huh! And he replied. He wants to talk with me tonight. How do I act? What do I say? Lol. Sorry for being a pain in the A, but I feel that I’m talking to a specialist and it’s a lot better than getting shitty advice from my miserable friends. 🙂

                • web admin

                  web admin

                  March 2, 2016 at 8:17 am

                  Just be yourself and say what you want to say. Try not to be accusative in any way because it will make him feel defensive. Instead, just talk openly and honestly about what you and he wants. Congrats on getting a message back–with any luck, everything will turn out the way you want it to. At the very least, you will be able to get some closure. Good luck, Laarah!

  9. Avatar

    Krissy

    February 23, 2016 at 10:13 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up after 8mths. things were pretty good but it seemed I was a bit needy as well as I picked small fights due to our difference in personality. Hes a bit of an introvert, I am extroverted.
    He broke up 1 week ago saying that our difference in personalities keep us fighting and he doesn’t think itd work out.
    I think now looking back I should have been a little more understanding I don’t know what should I do to convince him to give us a try.
    Please help

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 26, 2016 at 9:54 pm

      Relax and give it a break for a bit. If he reaches out to you, go ahead and talk to him. For the moment though, give him a bit of space. After a difficult break up and fights, he probably needs a bit of a breather to decide if he is still interested or not. In another week or two, you can reach out to him and see how things are going. If he seems interested in talking, you could always bring up the possibility of dating again. Once you both have time to unwind and think of how things could improve between you, you will be in a better place to try things again.

  10. Avatar

    Olivia

    February 22, 2016 at 8:33 am

    My situation is a little confusing and thats why i really need your advice. We started out as friends hungout after uni, and we both knew something was there and after we exchanged numbers in the beginning he would txt me everyday to see what i was doing , where i was and stuff. And then later on we would talk a little less , with him occasionally saying i miss you and stuff, but with me being busy with my family in the winter break couldnt manage to find time to make a plan with him. Then after on of our hangouts, we realized that we had deeper feelings for each other and that we wanted to kiss each other and later we hungout again and we made out. A week and a half later we met for another makeout session. Now my issue is that before we used to hangout and do things, and lately its just been making out and stuff. I want to know if he actually likes me for me or just to makeout with me whenever he feels like it.

    Also, he has this awful habit of not texting on time , in some cases sometimes even ignoring me (i can see when he comes online) and texting whenever he pleases. Its weird because he is always on his phone and he essentially makes me wait , even though i could be asking an important question , he still takes his own sweet time.

    Another issue was and still is that whenever we make plans, he says yes in the moment and later something will happen and he will bail, after making me wait for a long time. This has now happened 3 times. First time , it was on nye and in the morning he was like he will pick me up, and then in the evening he changed his mind and went to the beach with his friends. I acted like i didn’t care and posted me having fun with my friends on social media. The next day he tried to make it up to me , but i was busy so he went “okay, dnt worry” 4 days he vanished and came back with hey where have you been and then we hungout. The second time he “bailed” was when i asked him to come to the beach this one day and he was like “i would, but im at home nw and why didnt you tell me before?” Then i said okay we can hangout the next day. Next day areives , and again i have to basically txt him first to see if the plan is on , to which he said “i will let you know”and im just waiting until he txts and said “today is difficult” to which i said ,”but i told you about the plan from yesterday” and he went “i know but i have to stay with my family” so i said “ok have fun” later at night he cobtacted again , and asked me to come and meet him, i told him i couldnt and that why didnt HE tell me before? He was like i just came now , i said its not possible and that was that. The next day he tried again and again i couldn’t because this time i was with the family and at this point i was annoyed because he seemed to think that i was available whenever and so i ignored. The latest bail was yesterday, when we had agreed to a plan for yesterday (sunday) and i reminded him on last friday that we will see each other on sunday, to which he went yeahh. Sunday arrives and again , no txt from him to check on the plan whatsoever, so i once again txted him asking about our plan, he came online a couple times but didn’t reply. In the afternoon , i texted again while he was online, and then he answered and said yeah maybe we will meet from 2pm-5pm. I said okay let me know the plan so if not , i can go home (we were both in univeristy at this point). He went okay but again he didnt confirm with me. 2:30 pm i texted “where are you?” To which he opened the messge and didn’t reply. I felt like shit at that moment because i missed my ride twice and bow had to wake till 6pm to go home. I then called him and to ny surprise , he answered my phone call even though i expected him to ignore it , because if he can ignore my text then he can ignore my call as well. Anyways he answered my call and i asked him “so its not happening today is it?” He went “yeah” and i went “well i wish you could have told me before but fine bye.” He said bye. No apology , no nothing. I honestly wasn’t pissed about the plan being canceled, i was just pissed about him making me wait. He has done this 3 times except for the days we were going to makeout , magically he was on time and that time he came after me. This time we were gonna makeout as well, but i was also first, going to have a talk with him about how serious is he about us? Like am i just a pass time or does he actually like me? It hurts because i feel like he has no regard for keeping me, who is all ready in her outfit with her hair and makeup done , waiting. The situation as now is, after we talked , i posted a snap on snapchat saying , when “you’ve missed your ride , twice” he may/or may not have understood that it was meant for him, but as of yesterday we haven’t spoken to each other. He also sometimes has moods, like sometimes for 2-3weeks straight we would talk day and night, and from last week again his mood changed and we talked only nights. Last week also, we hadn’t talked in 3 days so i sent him a snap , captioning it “i miss you”. He opened it – and didn’t say anything! And then one day later at night automatically he goes heyyy, i ignored him and when he saw that i was online , he triple texted me. I ignored again. My friends tell me to leave him and forget about him, but i really like him, and all i want right now is to have an honest conversation asking him how he really feels about me so if he doesn’t feel the same way , i can move on. I have so nany thibga i want to express to him and i am not the type of person to just leave things open ended and it feels like he is just lingering me around. I just want my answer so i can decide what to do. I really am stuck and need advice on how to fix this

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 26, 2016 at 8:35 pm

      I think it may be best to just forget about him. While some of this seems to be due to a communication problem and over-stressing, it seems like he may have just been interested in something casual at first. At any rate, it seems like things rare just going downhill at this point. If he was ever interested in something more than just making out, it seems like he is not as interested in pursuing things further anymore. Unless you plan on continuing to chase after him despite his seeming lack of interest, I would just move on. Good luck!

  11. Avatar

    Mirriam

    February 21, 2016 at 12:37 pm

    Thank you so much for your response. I bet its already too late for me to contact my ex. I feel pride has taken the better of me because I feel I will look desperate if I try to reach him now that I have seen the picture of another woman on his D.p because he has even changed it with another one which simply shows that he really means business. Initially I thought it was just to spite me but am now sensing seriousness in his decision, of which am sure he has made up his mind to dump me for good. Do you still maintain that I should reach him? And if I reach him, what can I tell him because I had tried discussing the issue of effective communication but still he didn’t change. With this am made to believe that he was cheating on me no wonder he seemed not to be interested in communicating to me such that my keeping quite became like a scape goat to show me that he had greener pastures else where. In the nine months that I was with him, he never used my pictures as his D.p.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 21, 2016 at 12:48 pm

      I think that you could go ahead and just move on then. It sounds like it is too late anyway, and it would hurt your pride if he rejects you again. He is not cheating on you. You stopped talking to him, so it is safe to assume that he thought the relationship was over. It was perfectly within his rights to date another girl or multiple other girls. A lot of people date around after a relationship ends, so it makes sense that he would date other girls after your relationship ended. It looks like it is over, so go ahead and find someone else and move on with your life.

  12. Avatar

    Mirriam

    February 21, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    Thank you so much for your response. I bet its already too late for me to contact my ex. I feel pride has taken the better of me because I feel I will look desperate if I try to reach him now that I have seen the picture of another woman on his D.p because he has even changed it with another one which simply shows that he really means business. Initially I thought it was just to spite me but am now sensing seriousness in his decision, of which am sure he has made up his mind to dump me for good. Do you still maintain that I should reach him? And if I reach him, what can I tell him?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 21, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      If you want to, you can reach out to him–start with just a hello and checking up on how life is going. It might not be worth it to reach out to him though because it sounds like he has completely moved on. Reach out to him if you want though because it is not like it would lower your chances of dating him again. He might not be interested anymore, but the only way you will know for sure is to hear it from him. Just know in advance that he most likely has moved on and is not interested anymore. Good luck, Mirriam!

  13. Avatar

    Empowered Woman

    February 17, 2016 at 12:09 pm

    Hi, Last June I noticed a hot new IG follower. He invited me to a get together in his home twice over the summer. He didn’t show any romantic interest so I didn’t want to assume. I thought it was just a cordial friendly type invite. I could not make it either times because he asked last minute and frankly I didn’t see the point. Then in November it was his birthday and that night he asked if he could see me. I asked him how in shock. He let me know he was interested in me. We have been seeing each other since. But 2 weeks ago the city gave him the green light to officially open his business and he stopped initiating and reaching out to me. I contacted him once and asked how he was. He responded immediately as usual that he was busy busy busy but did not pursue the conversation so I let it go. Prior to this we saw each other once a week and talked or chatted every 3 to 4 days. He even used the L word and I felt his interest level in me was a 9. Well I found on FB that he had a ribbon cutting ceremony and didn’t invite me nor call or text me about it. He didn’t want me to come is how I take it. Perhaps because we don’t have a title and he didn’t know how he’d introduce me to his staff and family idk. This crushed me. I felt it was a monumental moment and would have loved to have helped in any way had he just asked. Then on VD nothing. No call. Nothing. I have cried for 2 days and decided to go NC that day. We haven’t talked in over a week since the last text I initiated. I have tried to be understanding as I have no clue how complex officially opening the doors of your business can be as well has having that event. On Monday he sent me a FB invite to like his business page. I ignored. Tuesday I see he as set me up to get alerts when he gets on FB. I feel these are crumbs he is throwing to perhaps get me to contact him. I didn’t take the bait. I am going NC. I feel like he doesn’t value me, makes no effort and perhaps is too busy for us at this time so I am letting go. Any advice, insights or tips are helpful. Thanks,

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 20, 2016 at 10:05 pm

      I think that the no-contact rule will not work. You answered your problem–he is busy and not sure of how to introduce you to his family. While he is super busy, you need to stay in contact with him as much as possible and be easygoing about the fact that he will not be able to talk to you as often. Go ahead and contact him–hopefully, your silence has not ruined the relationship. If you can get things going again, relax and be open minded. When he knows where your relationship is going and your status, he will be more open to introducing you to his family. Many people only “meet the family” when they are engaged or things are getting close to a lifetime commitment, so don’t be surprised if you do not meet the family quite yet. Good luck!

  14. Avatar

    Mirriam

    February 17, 2016 at 12:04 pm

    I was in a relationship for nine months now. Three weeks ago my Ex boyfriend and I. differed over a simple issue but what contributed is because he was not picking my calls and. replying to my texts. I immediately applied the no contact rule of which he also made no. attempts of communicating to me what so ever. On the 14 day of no contact he put a picture of a l ady on his whatsapp D.p and wrote the words ‘my Sweetie heart’ on his status. Should I contact. him after 30 days? Is there any chance of us getting back together or should I not contact him ever and move on with my life? Please advis e me on what to do, am really bitter and confused.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 20, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      It looks like you may have commented twice on this one. I have to answer each comment individually, so it can sometimes take a bit for the comments to be posted. If you do not see your comment right away, do not worry because you will. Read through my first response and let me know if you have any other questions. Thanks for commenting!

  15. Avatar

    Mirriam

    February 17, 2016 at 11:58 am

    I have been in a relationship for nine months now. Three weeks ago my boyfriend and I differed over a simple issue but what contributed is because he was not picking my calls and replying to my texts. I immediately applied the no contact rule of which he also made no attempts of communicating to me what so ever. On the 14 day of no contact he put a picture of a lady on his whatsapp D.p and wrote the words ‘my Sweetie heart’ on his status. Should I contact him after 30 days? Is there any chance of us getting back together or should I not contact him ever and move on with my life? Please advise me on what to do, am really bitter and confused.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 20, 2016 at 10:00 pm

      If your problem was with communication, the no-contact rule is the worst idea possible. Instead, your best bet would have been to talk to him openly about your problems and figure out a way through your issues. If communication and talking was the issue, not talking to him only made things worse. It looks like he is already starting to move on, so you may not have a chance. Continuing the no-contact rule will not help at all, so go ahead and reach out to him. If you are lucky, the other girl is just a fling and he will be ready to resume the relationship. Good luck, Mirriam!

  16. Avatar

    Justine

    February 12, 2016 at 2:20 pm

    My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago after being together for about a year and a half. The relationship just kind of fizzled out after a while, somewhere around the 1 year mark. This is mostly because he’d always been very apathetic about things and I had been so caught up in being the “nice girl” that I let him get away with a lot, just in terms of not investing as much as he should have. When I realized I was giving way more to the relationship than I was getting, I started nagging him and threatening to pull away. Eventually, he actually started pulling away, but for some reason he just would not break up with me, even when I asked if he wanted to.

    Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and told him that if he couldn’t behave like he wanted to be with me, we should break up. He responded by saying he thought we’d grown apart, but wasn’t sure why, and that we would probably be better off as friends. I told him I never wanted to speak to him again.

    A few days after we broke up he contacted me twice, but I didn’t respond. One of his attempts was an apology text saying that we’d been fighting a lot and that he’d just given up, and that he never meant to lose me and was so sorry for not trying harder. I finally texted him about a week after the breakup to set up a meeting to get some closure or flirt with the idea of reconciliation. I told him that if I didn’t hear from him soon, I’d stop contacting him and leave him alone for good. He responded pretty quickly, but his responses were still kind of aloof, as though he hadn’t been the one trying to contact me multiple times during the first week after the breakup.

    Anyway, we decided to meet up to talk. Of course, this turned out to be a disaster. At first he tried to be funny and crack a joke or two, but my demeanor was very serious because I wanted to make a point that I was not going to be the “nice girl” he could continue to take advantage of. Immediately, his demeanor changed to being nonchalant and he was still acting very unaffected, even despite his apology. He didn’t take responsibility for anything, and he still didn’t make it clear whether he had ever really wanted to break up, or just take a break, or try to work things out, so I left feeling even more confused.

    It’s been two weeks since we last met and neither of us have tried to contact the other. Since I broke the no contact rule after the first week, can it still be effective? Also, what if he never tries to contact me during the no contact period? Does that mean he’s moved on? Should I just give up myself, and start moving on from now?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 14, 2016 at 3:42 pm

      Both of you have a responsibility in the break up, and both of you have to face up to it. Your “not a nice girl anymore” demeanor may have been off-putting for him, or he may have been nervous to try to explain himself. It seems like part of the reason for your break up was due to a communication problem–neither of you were able to communicate what you wanted effectively before the relationship ended. If you both continue not to talk to each other, this will not solve the problem. In your specific situation, I doubt that the no-contact rule will work. Your best bet is to meet him, explain your side, be open and listen to what he has to say. If you do not want to do this or it does not work, you can always start to move on afterward.

      • Avatar

        Justine

        February 14, 2016 at 9:19 pm

        Thank you for the advice. At this point, I’m not very hopeful that meeting up to talk again will help. We’ve always had communication problems, even when things weren’t so bad in the relationship. It’s like we just don’t speak the same language.

        I’m going to give myself another two weeks to gather my thoughts and then send him a brief text apologizing for my role in things and wishing him well as we both move on. I will make it clear that this is goodbye. I feel like a goodbye text will help give me some closure because it will be acknowledging that things are truly over, but I don’t want him to think that this is just me trying to manipulating him. Is this a good idea? Or should I just try to move on without sending a goodbye text at all?

        • web admin

          web admin

          February 15, 2016 at 8:51 am

          Go ahead and send him a good-bye text. If you are not trying to manipulate him, then don’t worry about it. A good-bye text will give you closure, and it will let him know that the option of dating you is closed. Plus, it will explain why you are not going to be around him as much. Although it sounds nice to be friends with your ex, it can be really painful to stay that close to them after a break up. If you want some space and time away from him now, it would probably be better for your emotional state and healing. Good luck, Justine!

          • Avatar

            Justine

            April 25, 2016 at 9:43 pm

            UPDATE! I waited to send the apology text until after about 2 months of NC. He responded the same day and admitted that he missed me and still had feelings for me. After two weeks of texting everyday, we met up and he FINALLY took responsibility for not communicating or making an effort. It’s a slow process, but we got back together and are trying to work things out. Thanks for all your help!

            • web admin

              web admin

              April 28, 2016 at 9:17 am

              Awesome–it sounds like things are finally heading in the right direction. While no one can know what the future will hold, it sounds like you are making progress toward getting back together. Good luck, Justine and thanks for the update!

  17. Avatar

    liz

    February 3, 2016 at 9:49 am

    Hello
    I need advice please.i have been in a reltionship for one year.bt on the sixth month things went wrong between us.because of the special bond we shared it was really hard for the both of us.so he decided we become friends as we look at things that broke us off and fix them and later come back together.He was claiming that i always freak to anything small and break off with him which he didnt like so wanted me to learn how to face anger without breaking things off with him.on the other hand i complianed that he always did things that hurt me over and over and if i should change my reactions he should change his actions.things went on and off for a while and in october we had another big fight due to the same issues and he finally broke up with me and told me he moved on with someone else.at first i didnt believe it because we had alot of drama and none ever moved on.i gave him space thinking he is faking it.But he never stoped caring for me whilest he was with another woman and i stopped him from calling me if he is really somwhere elese but he kept on saying we shud always b friends..which hurt me coz i wud speak to him on the phone for an hour and forget that he has someone else and start getting controlling and all.we met once when he was in another relatinship and stayed out for some drinks. After the drinks i wanted to go with him for sex but he refused saying he cant cheat in his girlfriend and i asked why do u keep seeing me if u are really that faithfull and ge said i am seeing u but doing nothing wrong u are my frnd something i really went aaginst.He added that when i was with u i was the same i never cheated on u so he was making me feel guilty.
    We left each other and time passed on for like a month i came to hear he had broken off with the other girl for thei own drama and i got deep details that my man was the one who didnt want any connections with her and didnt wany any communications with her and these details i got from a close frnd of his.
    A few days later my man started communicating with me again and this time it went back to the usuall level where he wud even tell me he is horny and all that which he stopped telling me for a while so i believd what his friend told me.and also i had found my own ways of proving and i proved its true they are through.But i wasnt that easy on him for sex i also playd hard to get but we wud catch up on the phone really well but suprisingly he still told me he is in a relationship which for a fact i knew he is not.I reduced my reactions this time.played calm and played my part well.we went for a xmass vaccay to a city we both come from (both our families live there) on xmass night i went out to be with him at a club coz he brought up the idea.After clubing hours i was supposed to go back home and he jus cudnt let me go.I have never seen him in my entire life as needy as he was that night and he begged till we had sex in the car forvthe first time in our rltnship.wen i went home he kept on calling me telling me how happy he is on what happend and he doenst care on whobi been with he only cares the fact that he his happy.he said he cudnt stop thinking avkut me and that after the sex he began to think about me even more.the vacay went on we had some great moments together he and my family untill he again came to mention that we are jus friends and not in arelationship.At this point i had heard already of the no contact and so i decided to go for the NO CONTACT RULE.he called me three times on the first days of the no contact but i didnt respond at all.i successfully completed my NC and was time to break the NC after the 30 days.And so i contacted him.He responded really well.infact he was over exited.i didbt pik his calls after i sent him a text only to come find several missed calla from him and a text asking me to pliz pik up.i called him bak and he was so happy and even said if u didnt call me vak today i was gona come over ti ur place.we spoke for hours untill he asked for some 30 mins to take his dad home as he was piking him from the airport and so i shud wait for him to call.I put my phone beside my pillow and forgot it was on silent mode so i passed.in the morning i again found his missed call and a text showing how angry he was by me not piking.Thjs went on for two days wen he wud call me non stoply untillbone afternoon i fkund his no busy for a kobg while so when he called me bak i qustionned him to who he was speaking to .at first he said he was speaking to some constructors and then i kept on questionning him he said ok the truth is i git acall from my grilfriend.i was disappointed coz at this point i thot he wid be honest that he needs me and he has broken up with her as i have been following up on them i knw theyvare over and my question is why he keeps telling me about another woman while deep down he so loves me.And even if there is really another woman.if he really cares for me this much why dont he drop that other woman? For three months he said this to me and i stayed patient so to that point i was really mad at him.i went to another man in anger that afternoon after hanging up on him telling him that if he has another woman he shudnt call me.i went to ankthe man took pictures together as he is kissing my neck and i put it on my profile for him to see how it hurts to loose someone u love for someone elese.he went quiet from that moment and its one day past and no sign of him.advice me please.what shud i do to put my relationship with him well as i really need him asuch as he needs me but he just wont lower his pride and tell me he still loves me and that we start a new Page.i have tred talking to him over and over but his responses are the same.he cares for me alot.but he is with someone else.actually i dont even see where that other woman fits coz he his alwaus on the phone with me may be untill we fyt.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 6, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      It looks like you may have commented twice on this one. If you do not see your comment right away, do not worry because you will. I have to approve each comment manually, so it can sometimes take a little while for all of them to be posted. Read through my first response and let me know if you have any other questions. Thanks for commenting!

  18. Avatar

    liz

    February 3, 2016 at 9:14 am

    Hello.
    I need advice please.i have been in a reltionship for one year.bt on the sixth month things went wrong between us.because of the special bond we shared it was really hard for the both of us.so he decided we become friends as we look at things that broke us off and fix them and later come back together.He was claiming that i always freak to anything small and break off with him which he didnt like so wanted me to learn how to face anger without breaking things off with him.on the other hand i complianed that he always did things that hurt me over and over and if i should change my reactions he should change his actions.things went on and off for a while and in october we had another big fight due to the same issues and he finally broke up with me and told me he moved on with someone else.at first i didnt believ it because we had alot of drama and none ever moved on.i gave him space thinking he is faking it.But he never stoped caring for me whilest he was with another woman and i stopped him from calling me if he is really somwhere elese but he kept on saying we shud always b friends..which hurt me coz i wud speak to him on the phone for an hour and forget that he has someone else and start getting controlling and all.we met once when he was in another relatinship and stayed out for some drinks. After the drinks i wanted to go with him for sex but he refused saying he cant cheat in his girlfriend and i asked why do u keep seeing me if u are really that faithfull and ge said i am seeing u but doing nothing wrong u are my frnd something i really went aaginst.He added that when i was with u i was the same i never cheated on u so he was making me feel guilty.
    We left each other and time passed on for like a month i came to hear he had broken off with the other girl for thei own drama and i got deep details that my man was the one who didnt want any connections with her and didnt wany any communications with her and these details i got from a close frnd of his.
    A few days later my man started communicating with me again and this time it went back to the usuall level where he wud even tell me he is horny and all that which he stopped telling me for a while so i believd what his friend told me.and also i had found my own ways of proving and i proved its true they are through.But i wasbt that easy on him for sex i also playd hard to get but we wud catch up on the phone really well but suprisingly he still told me he is in a relationship which for a fact i knew he is not.I reduced my reactions this time.played calm and played my part well.we went for a xmass vaccay to a city we both come from (both our filies live there) on xmass night i went out ti be with him at a club coz he brought up the idea.After clubing hours i was supposed to go back home and he jus cudnt let me go.I have never seen him in my entire life as needy as he was that night and he begged till we had sex in the car forvthe first time in our rltnship.wen i went home he kept on calling me telling me how happy he is on what happend and he doenst care on whobi been with he only cares the fact that he his happy.he said he cudnt stop thinking avkut me and that after the sex he began to think about me even more.the vacay went on we had some great moments together he and my family untill he again came to mention that we are jus friends and not in arelationship.At this point i had heard already of the no contact and so i decided to go for the NO CONTACT RULE.he called me three times on the first days of the no contact but i didnt respond at all.i successfully completed my NC and was time to break the NC after the 30 days.And so i contacted him.He responded really well.infact he was over exited.i didbt pik his calls after i sent him a text only to come find several missed calla from him and a text asking me to pliz pik up.i called him bak and he was so happy and even said if u didnt call me vak today i was gona come over ti ur place.we spoke for hours untill he asked for some 30 mins to take his dad home as he was piking him from the airport and so i shud wait for him to call.I put my phone beside my pillow and forgot it was on silent mode so i passed.in the morning i again found his missed call and a text showing how angry he was by me not piking.Thjs went on for two days wen he wud call me non stoply untillbone afternoon i fkund his no busy for a kobg while so when he called me bak i qustionned him to who he was speaking to .at first he said he was speaking to some constructors and then i kept on questionning him he said ok the truth is i git acall from my grilfriend.i was disappointed coz at this point i thot he wid be honest that he needs me and he has broken up with her as i have been following up on them i knw theyvare over and my question is why he keeps telling me about another woman while deep down he so loves me.And even if there is really another woman.if he really cares for me this much why dont he drop that other woman? For three months he said this to me and i stayed patient so to that point i was really mad at him.i went to another man in anger that afternoon after hanging up on him telling him that if he has another woman he shudnt call me.i went to ankthe man took pictures together as he is kissing my neck and i put it on my profile for him to see how it hurts to loose someone u love for someone elese.he went quiet from that moment and its one day past and no sign of him.advice me please.what shud i do to put my relationship with him well as i really need him asuch as he needs me but he just wont lower his pride and tell me he still loves me and that we start a new Page.i have tred talking to him over and over but his responses are the same.he cares for me alot.but he is with someone else.actually i dont even see where that other woman fits coz he his alwaus on the phone with me may be untill we fyt.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 6, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      I think that you should forget about him and never look back. When you were together, neither of you were willing to change for your relationship to match up. After you broke up, he became rather controlling. Even if he never cheated on his girlfriends with you, it is obvious from the way he acted that he was mentally involved with you and wanting to cheat. His constant calls, demands that you be friends and demands for attention are all ways for him to try to manipulate you. It seems like he wants the emotional support and occasionally the sexual side of a relationship, but he also wants to be able to sleep around with other women and not have any strings attached. He is leading you on and using you to feel better about himself, and it is entirely unfair to you. When he demands that you remain friends with him next time, just say no. There is no rule that you have to be friends with your ex, and it would be easier for you to move on if you do not have any contact with him. If everything he was saying was true, he would not have been upset when you posted a picture of you with a guy. Your best decision would be to forget about him and move on. There are guys out there who are right for you and won’t manipulate you like this, and you deserve a chance to be with someone better than him.

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    Question

    February 2, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    How long does it take to get a reply?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 6, 2016 at 11:29 am

      It entirely depends on how many people have commented and how busy I am. I have to answer and approve each answer manually, so it can sometimes take a little while. By this point, you should have already received a response. If you did not, send the message through again and I’ll answer it. Thanks!

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    Karen

    January 30, 2016 at 11:47 pm

    I need advice. I was with my guy for 2+ years. I was being stalked and he “rescued” me, which, in turn, made me fall for him. He pursued me for a good while though before I ended up dating him (we were long distance and he wasn’t really my type). I was exactly what he wanted in a girl and I’d often wonder if I was settling. We were on and off for 2 years. Our “break-ups” (if you can even call them that) were brief. We’d argue, he’d get mad and block me or stop talking to me for a few days (I think the most we’ve ever gone without talking for maybe a week). I was definitely the fixer in the relationship so save for a handful of times, I always ended up contacting him to fix things. And we’d always end up getting back together.

    We met almost a year ago in person and the first time we met, he met my family and proposed to me (asked my father for my hand in marriage) and wanted to marry me during that trip. My family wasn’t 100% sure and didn’t wanna rush into anything so we decided against it with plans for him to move where I live later on that year once he secured a job. Since then, we’ve traveled to one another and seen each other a few times. He just recently broke up with me again (after I just went to see him in an attempt to fix things) because he said he didn’t think we clicked well. Meanwhile, a week ago, he told me that I would make him happier than anyone and I’d make the best wife and he couldn’t wait to start our life together. I feel like he has commitment issues because he comes from a broken home. He’s not much of a talker either and shuts down when I try to point out these things.

    We left things civil. He dropped me off at the airport, hugged me and since I haven’t heard from him nor have I contacted him. I’m completely heartbroken and part of me *really* wants to contact him and try to fix things (which I know I will probably convince him of) but I just think that my part in trying to convince him to be with me ended once my trip ended. I feel like the only hope we have of being together and him finally being worthy of me again would be if, for once, I didn’t go crawling back and didn’t contact him and let him actually miss me and realize on his own that he wants to be with me. But then I worry that he’s very ‘out of sight, out of mind’ and if he’s talking to other girls, would he even miss me? What should I do? I’d appreciate any help 🙁

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 6, 2016 at 8:51 am

      It might be best if you just moved on. He seems confused about what he wants. It may be that he really wants a commitment and a family, but he is not sure who he wants that family to be with. Plus, the distance aspect makes having a relationship a bit harder. After two years of being together and not actually progressing in the relationship, it may be time for you to date someone else. If your goal is to get back together with him, avoiding contact will not help because it will only give him a chance to get over the relationship and start to heal. At the same time, it really is not fair that you are the one who always has to fix things. It seems odd that you guys would break up so much if he wants to marry you, so he may have cold feet and be uncertain about what he wants.

      • Avatar

        Karen

        February 8, 2016 at 2:37 pm

        What should I do if i do want him want if the whole no contact thing won’t work? I also feel like he has a bit of the grass is greener syndrome and when I think about the good times and how much more into me he was, it makes me think that he will realize what he’s lost once he feels my absence.

        • web admin

          web admin

          February 8, 2016 at 4:52 pm

          Take a step back and try a modified no contact rule. If he contacts you, you can wait a couple of hours and respond. Otherwise, take a step back and give him a chance to miss you. The grass might seem greener on the other side, but a little bit of space may help him to realize how much he misses you. There is never a guarantee that someone will get back together because sometimes it just was not meant to be. If you guys are meant to be together, a little bit of space will help him to come to his senses. Good luck, Karen!

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