How to Deal with Your Crush
Tips on How to Deal with Your Crush
Having a crush can be great…and it can be awkward. Here are some tips for how to make the most of it.
Get a Life
Hormones can drive you insane. Best way to stop it? Exercise and carbs…in moderation. It’s actually science. Apart from that, you need to get a life. A busy schedule works wonders for keeping your brain clear. Why? You won’t think about him ALL the time. And by spending time having fun chances are you will be clear headed enough not to waste your time on someone who either isn’t nice, or doesn’t like you enough to make it worthwhile.
If you’re starved of having a good time, every little thing he does will make you swoon. If, on the other hand, you have a life you enjoy, it will take a lot more to make you swoon. Basically, it will stop you from losing your head altogether. And we all know it takes a bit of strength when Mister Oh So Hot walks in the door.
I went through drama school and was forced to think about my body language and here’s the deal: you aren’t consciously aware of even half the things you are doing. Change that. Make sure you walk straight and smile. If you hunch and look sullen, you aren’t going to attract attention from a guy. Nor will you if you walk around like you’re in the army – straight back, crossed arms and a scowl on your face. You have to give him some body language clues.
Let’s face it: clothes can make us attractive or unattractive. Find a style you are comfortable with, then make the most of that style. Don’t just settle for “I don’t care about clothes” – see clothes as the mirror of your soul.
If you aren’t into clothes at all, get help from friends or a stylist. Same goes for hair and, whenever you use it, make up.
Moving from Friendship to Something More
The thing that changes a friendship into something more? Sexual attraction. Not having sex, but the attraction…chemistry…sparks flying through the air.
One way to approach this is through what you wear. Men like to see legs or cleavage ever so often. For them it can be what moves friendship into a new territory. You need a solid basis for a relationship (if that’s what you want), but you have to make a guy see more than friendship. Looking smoking hot at a party, or wearing a knock out outfit to school/work one day can have that effect.
Another way is to flirt. Once you get flirtatious, a guy sees another side of you. Typical rom com situation: there’s a party. Your best male friend sees you dressed up to the nines, looking hot. He then sees you flirting with another guy, briefly. He realizes you are actually hot. He’s actually attracted to you. The next day you send him a flirtatious text. Like say, talking about how it’s 100 degrees and you wanna throw your clothes off and jump in the pool or eat a ton of ice cream. Pretty harmless text (because you included the ice cream), but if he’s had his eyes opened, this suddenly makes him think other thoughts.
If You Aren’t Already Friends
If you and your crush aren’t friends, then you have to get to know him. First of all, you have to have a chance to get to meet him. Whether that means you get invited to the same parties, or take the same classes he does, or randomly walk up one day to ask him about something you know he knows about, but your entourage doesn’t (like how to get an audition for the school play, or whatever), or have friends introduce you. Find a way.
If you are in the same proximity, like have classes together, then find an excuse to talk to him. If you are terrible at starting conversations, have your friend start it and then join in. Make it light hearted. Don’t ask for his number or suggest you hang out (unless an opportunity presents itself where he’s practically begging you to do so). You can also compliment him for something as a way of starting a conversation. If he just won some award, congratulate him for it. Or tell him you dig his new bag. You can ask him where he bought it, because clearly your cousin in some distant city needs one for Christmas. Whatever you do, make sure it’s natural. It’s something you feel comfortable talking about.
How to Overcome Shyness When Approaching Your Crush
If you don’t like approaching people? Join Meetup groups in your town, get busy with various hobbies where you’ll meet others, join an improv class…read a book about pick-up skills. Go out there and practice. Your life will be so much better because of it. Always challenge yourself to do what you fear until you get so used to it you fear it no more. And start with baby steps – don’t climb Mount Everest before you climb a molehill.
How to Take It Further
If you’ve started chatting with your crush, then take it further by hinting that he should take your number. I wrote an article about that here. The basics though is to say things like “I’m in a rush, I’ll text you about it later…” and either he tells you his number or you tell him that btw. stupid you – you don’t even have his number!
You can also try something like this text “I’m so bummed, I was gonna spend the weekend with Jess, we were finally gonna go see so and so movie and do so and so thing and now she won’t make it.” This is his opportunity to ask you out.
If you want to spend time with him outside school, a first step can also be to invite him along to something you are doing with a group of friends. Both guys and girls. You can even invite him and his friends for it.
If He Doesn’t Like You
If you realize he doesn’t like you, still chat to him, just stop flirting. It will be awkward if you suddenly stop talking to him altogether! Then revert back to number one – get a life. The more things you have going on, the better the chance of meeting someone else. If you feel like your friends remind you too much of him, or you are always hanging in the same circles, then take up a hobby or join a Meetup group with people you don’t know. If you can get away for a weekend that might also help.
Do things that make you happy. Avoid sad love songs and wallowing in it. It can feel terrible, but remember the toys you played with when you were ten? You will eventually outgrow them.
If You Realize You Don’t Like Him
Sometimes when we get to know someone better, we realize we don’t truly like them enough to be with them. There’s a level of attraction, but not enough.
If things haven’t gone very far, just stop flirting with him. You can still be friends, just stop the flirting.
If you have taken things further then tell him. Truth, put nicely, is usually the best thing. “I’ve had a lot of fun with you, but I don’t really wanna take things further, is that cool with you?” If he asks you why, just tell him as it is – you don’t feel enough chemistry.
If It Turns Into a Relationship
Here are some tips to turn a relationship into something great. First of all, always tell him when he does something you love. The best way to get a guy to do something for you is to praise him into doing it. Not moan.
Secondly, never do what doesn’t feel great. You want the first kiss to be great? Wait till the right moment (or create it). Don’t agree to what you don’t want because it will break the romance.
Thirdly, keep your life going. Revert to point one. Again.
Lastly, take it slow. There’s something to be said of finding out if he’s a true gentleman, or should I say: man of honor, before you get too involved. See it as an audition, as opposed to being auditioned.
By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery