Dating Russian Men
If you grew up watching James Bond movies, dating Russian men might sound like a horrid idea. If, on the other hand, you grew up watching ballet, it might sound wonderful. And like any culture the Russians have been portrayed in the media using stereotypes, but as the story goes there’s usually a reason for those stereotypes.
Whilst I have never dated a Russian man myself, I had a Russian principal in drama school who taught me for two years. We also went to perform at a theater festival in Moscow so I got to see the country too and experience the Russian mentality first hand. So when researching this article I wasn’t overly surprised about the information I found from women who have dated Russian men. I have tried to summarize some of their experiences and advice in this article.
Russian Men Are Men
There are clear gender definitions in Russia and if you are an independent soul, you might find them slightly offensive, though as most traditions they are just that – traditions. It is what people are used to and therefore doesn’t necessary reflect on, or read any meaning into. Read on to find out more about how that all plays out.
They Will Defend You
If you have a Russian boyfriend you can count on him defending you and scaring off any man who tries to pester you in his presences. He might even use his fists to do so.
In all likelihood he will also defend you in dark alleys when you meet people of dubious character. Russian men aren’t afraid of conflict. Well, so long as it’s not with their mother.
The men in Russia will pour your wine, pay the bill for the date and walk you home to make sure you are safe. Apparently, if you live in a small village where there is no real need to walk you home as you aren’t in any danger (everyone there knows everyone so there’s little chance of anything more eventful than walking past the cows) men may consider walking you home to mean something else though. So if you are in no danger, then walking by yourself may be the better option. Unless, of course, you would like to spend the night with a hot Russian… Because whilst a Russian man might hold the door for you, he will not necessarily consider it gentlemanly to wait with sex till after marriage.
He Will Touch You – Kindly
Russian men will touch you when they speak to you, as they will anyone. This does not indicate they are interested in you, it is simply the way they communicate. Just like the Italians are famous for their use of gestures, Russians emphasis their point by getting close to you, or touching you.
What Do You Mean Having a Talk About Being Exclusive?
In America there is a tradition that baffles most Europeans and Russians and that’s ‘the exclusivity chat.’ In Europe and Russia when we have been on a couple of dates with someone and start hanging out with them a lot we sort of just fall into a relationship, assuming we are exclusive unless the person has stated they want an open relationship. So if you are dating a Russian man he will likely assume that you are a couple after a few dates. That doesn’t mean he thinks it’s going to last forever, but it’s a lot less flaky than the American approach.
Exclusive Isn’t Always So Exclusive
For many Russians cheating is part of having a relationship. Whilst the men can get extremely jealous if their woman cheats on them, even looks at another man, they think it perfectly normal that they have affairs from time to time.
If you are dating a Russian you therefore have to make it very clear what you expect in the fidelity department.
Family and the Russians
Russian men often expect to get married and have a family. Whilst many Russian women work, many also stop when they have children. Of course, not all men expect this to happen, but some might, just like they expect that they will work hard to provide for the family. Therefore, have a chat to a Russian man before it gets serious about what you’d expect from family life.
Likewise, some Russians are really close to their family and might expect to spend a lot more time with their parents and other relatives than you would.
Women in Russia tend to wear high heels and often skirts or dresses when they go on dates. This is something they do and you don’t have to do it, but a man might expect that you will, to show that you’ve put in an effort.
By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery