What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He’s Confused and He Needs Time to Think?

By on August 14, 2018

One of the worst things that can happen to a woman is this: you’re in a seemingly great relationship with some dreamy guy you can’t get enough of. You went on a hot date last night and it was a hit! However, you woke up today only to hear the dreaded words: “I’m confused and just need some time to think about things”. Uhhh, what? It’s a joke right? Unfortunately not, and it is gut-wrenching. But before you flip out and wonder what’s wrong with you, let’s take a look at what this may actually mean.

Boyfriend Says He Needs Time to Think

Reasons He May Say the Dreaded Words We Never Want to Hear

He is Genuinely Scared

Let’s face it: relationships can be, well, rather scary. When you feel like you are falling in love with someone and they’re taking up your time and thoughts constantly, you can feel overwhelmed. And in some cases a man may start to feel this way when he is falling deeply in love with you. He needs to take some time to think about what love is and if he is really ready to dive in and be with a woman full time and let his emotions overtake him.

He Needs to Reclaim His Masculinity

When a man falls in love with a woman, he lets his guard down. All of the sudden he is a romantic lovey-dovey sap, and when a man realizes this he can become somewhat bothered, feeling like his masculinity is being taken from him. Yes, it is kind of silly, but men are all about being macho and strong and impressing females. If he feels like he is becoming to emotionally powered and feeling weak giving into his loving emotions, he may want to take a step back to simply redeem his testosterone levels.

He’s Not Interested

This is the one we all dread hearing, but unfortunately sometimes being ‘confused’ and ‘needing time to think’ are code words for ‘I am not interested and I may even be interested in another woman already’. If this is the case, it’s important to remember there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes relationships simply do not work out and the spark dies off; or in some cases, was never there in the first place.

reasons why your man wants space and what to do about it

How You Need to React

Don’t Panic

How you react to a man saying he’s confused and needs time to think is imperative. Show him you’re not crazy and not all about him. Show him you can be independent and strong and DO NOT PANIC! Yes it’s terrible to hear, but panicking and over-thinking is NOT going to help you in the slightest. Remain calm and stay cool- it is way more attractive than being the ‘crazy’ girl he never wants to see again.

Leave Him Alone

You certainly do not want to portray yourself as being desperate. Show him that you’re a strong woman that can live without him and he may become more attracted to you and realize you’re the woman of his dreams. On the other hand, leaving him alone will give you time to relax and GET OVER HIM! If he isn’t so sure about you, then don’t waste your time trying to win him back. There is a man out there who knows for sure that he loves you and it won’t confuse him to feel loving emotions.

What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He's Confused and He Needs Time to Think

Pull Back and Let Him Come to You

Keeping your distance from him and actually allowing him time to think can be the best thing for your relationship. Sometimes people truly just need some time to sit back, relax, and assess the situation. Pulling away from him and showing him you can give him his space without freaking out is a great way to handle the situation. When he decides he wants to be with you, let him come to you- and let him work for it. Show him you weren’t just waiting around for his answer. Have him come to you, never go to him begging for him to make up his mind and be with you.

Have you ever heard a man tell you that he is confused and needs time to think? How did you handle the situation and how did the relationship ultimately work out? We would love to hear some stories! BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER: DON’T PANIC! Sometimes people just need a breather!

194 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Andrea

    October 16, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    I had a boyfriend for 6 years. Everything was fine. I’m sure to myself that he’s the one, and i thought he has the same feeling as well.However,one day, she met a girl in his workplace and told me that he feels something for her. He said he’s inlove. I think he’s is confused. I don’t think that it is already love because he just met in just 2 months. I don’t want to end our relationship just for that. He is not even saying I love you to me because he said he is not yet whole. But we act like we are still lovers. I cannot understand the way he said that he is not yet whole for me.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 1, 2020 at 8:51 pm

      You are aware of his feelings for this other person. At this time, you should be aware of what the status of your current relationship is. If your relationship has ended, then allow your experiences to guide your future relationships. If the two of you are still together, then it is important that you remain mindful of his behaviors in the future.

  2. Avatar

    Samantha

    October 9, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We have lived together for six months. We always talk about the future as a done deal and he was always so sure that I was the one. He used to worship the ground I walked on! Two days ago, he told me he was confused and needed to break up. I told him if he wanted to break up then he was welcome to walk out the door. We talked for three hours with him not leaving but crying instead. He’s dealing with a depression right now and so am I. He said he needs to be by himself to get better. We don’t see each other often and he felt as if the spark was fading. He begged me to help him understand why he was feeling like that but I told him I have no answer. He told me he wants to leave the door open and very well may be back soon. He also acknowledged that if he comes back he knows that he will have to work his butt off to prove himself to me. I’m really hoping this is temporary and it seems like it but I’m just not sure. The thought of losing him is terrifying. I haven’t spoken to him and have no intention to unless he comes to me. I’m hoping he’ll realize how much he misses me in the meantime.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 25, 2020 at 1:45 pm

      He has shared his feelings with you. Because of the time that has passed, you may find that your relationship has either strengthened or diminished. His behaviors are likely similar to how others may act in the future, so allow this experience to guide your actions. Make a decision about what you feel is appropriate, and speak with him about your thoughts and feelings.

  3. Avatar

    Cuppy Cake

    October 8, 2019 at 2:21 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been together for over two and a half years. We fight a lot and this causes me to doubt the relationship as he usually brings up leaving all the time. Last weekend he said he loves me for the first time – this was a major step as he’s usually very hesitant about emotions since he’s been heartbroken. He also said that the fact that he’s feeling more is scaring him a bit. Anyway, last Friday we had an argument regarding plans. We had plans and he wanted to do something with his friend. He was very upset and cold all throughout the weekend. Today seemed a bit better, but this evening he said he doesn’t know what he wants. So I told him that I hope he figures it out and he doesn’t have to worry about me, I won’t trouble him anymore (in one of his messages he made it seem like I constantly bug him). Anyway afterwards, he said he’s sorry he’s being an ass and he just needs some time. He doesn’t want to hurt me. I’m an angel… I’m a bit confused myself, I am determined to give him the space he requires by not contacting him anymore. However, I’m starting to wonder if it’s really worth it or maybe we’re just incompatible.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 25, 2020 at 3:52 pm

      He has informed you that he wants space from you. This may be an indication that there are other aspects of his social and emotional life that he is considering. Some time has passed since your posted your comment, so it is likely that you have figured out exactly what it is that he wanted. Allow this experience to guide your actions in the future.

  4. Avatar

    Ace

    October 6, 2019 at 6:32 am

    My bf disappear all of a sudden for 4 days with no trace of arguments or anything. He just literally disappeared! I did sent him some messages hence we are btw LDR so worried. But never he opened up his skype so email it is. Then he did replied and just said busy.. so I let it go but I was thinking already. After that response from him was another 3 days of silence and I let that way… then he sent me a message saying his uncle died so I have to respect his time. Another 4-5 days of silence again! Then an email received then again 4 days of silence.. it goes round and round his excuse this time was he’s studying for his up coming exam for his masteral. Ok I understand, so I just did sent him email for 2 consecutive days just to say hi and let him know that I still love him… d 2nd day am sending him email was the same day I tried sending him message on hangouts. Surprisingly he replied, for 2 consecutive days he’s replying or sending messages. Till the second day he said “I just needed some time to think. I love you too”
    Those words regardless of him saying he loves me too hurts! I replied in a nice and polite way though but I told him that I couldn’t wait for forever so if I wouldn’t hear from him in a month or 2, book is closed… I need to keep moving hence those phrases of some time to think mean what it mean, I think it’s just wiser to have one step ahead.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 28, 2020 at 7:49 pm

      His behaviors are clear indications that he does not respect your relationship. Because of that, it seems that you need to make a decision about the viability of this relationship. If he continues to neglect you, then you should immediately end the relationship.

  5. Avatar

    Trinity

    October 5, 2019 at 11:57 am

    Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 2 years we just hit two year’s September 20th, we have been through a lot together we started dating our junior year and we graduated together. But we’ve had ups and downs. Little stuff ofc. Anywho so recently last Sunday he broke up with me. We haven’t been arguing much and we haven’t been spending too much time together like we use to. But we were doing good. We have had this one issue with a friend who was mutual with both of us. As time went on this friend started to say weird comments to me for example “ you’re the perfect girl for me “ weird stuff like that. I’d ignore it bc it was weird and bc I just wanted to hear what advice in my relationship he could give. So time went on I told this friend to stop saying weird stuff it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable he said okay. Then after graduation last May I stopped talking much to him. Recently I hung out with a group of friends not including the guy I was just talking about. But I hung out with a close girl and guy friend who 3 years ago I had a crush on in 10th grade but never took action or told him or had anything with. To be petty ( ik I was wrong ) I didn’t text my boyfriend back much that day us three hung out bc he does that to me and I kinda wanted him to see how it felt. But I over did it ngl. So the next day my boyfriend was upset and I didn’t get to talk it out with him bc he was dry and had work and I had a bachelorette party ( family members ) so I barley spoke to him I got drunk and went home. I woke up the next day to a text saying goodnight and that he got home late and that he had to run some errands and he left a note outside my house. I read the note and it said that we were over bc of that friend. So basically my boyfriend went on my ig bc I posted a photo on my ig story and he had dm me saying “ you’re beautiful you just need to eat more 😂❤️“ and I replied “ you asshole “ 😂 anywho so he told me that’s why he broke up with me. I waited a while before replying bc I was hurt and didn’t know what to say I replied saying if you wanted to talk and fit things please let me know and that I loved him and I apologized for ever making him feel uncomfortable about this guy and if he doesn’t reply that I understand and I’ll leavr him alone forever. He replied saying he doesn’t know if he wants to fix things yet and that he’s replying bc he loves me and he in pain but for now it’s over that he needs time to think about things and 50 of him wants to be with me and 50 of him doesn’t and that he doesn’t want to see me in person just get bc he tends to give into me very easily in person. So I didn’t reply to his message and then the next day I didn’t reply all day and he texted me “ I hope you’re having a good day” which I didn’t reply to then he snapchated me and I didn’t open for about an hour or so and he sent me a pic of him with his head in his hand then I sent him a pic of my little sister giving him a dirty look and he replied right away and I didn’t open it until an hour or so and he had said “ I miss you trinity” I just said “ what ?” And my phone died I got home and my sister in law told me to text him so I asked where he was he replied his brothers house. Then I asked if he could stop by he replied “ I was going to earlier bc I passed by your area but I had to stop myself “ I said I just want to see you after I’ll leave you alone “ he said “ I don’t want you to leva me alone and okay “ he stopped by but he didn’t do much talking and his body language was how he acts when he’s mad he tries not to look too much at me and kinda like he puts a wall up so he doesn’t give into me. So he had told me he’s confused and doesn’t know if he wants to be with me. He said he loves me and I told him I love him but won’t wait forever and I said I can’t wait months or 3 down the road and I’m healing and over you for you to come back into my life and he said it won’t take that long. Later that night we spoke on the phone and he told me he felt confused and lost without me and like he doesn’t know who he is. I told him it happens we’ve been together for so long. He said he tried to forget about me but it’s so hard. Then the next day we hung out normally and spoke a bit more he asked me if I took the guy off my ig which I did and he said he’s still confused and doesn’t know what to do and if he wants to be with me or not. And that he loves me. Then later that night he told me he wants me to move on bc he doesn’t know how long it’ll take for him to figure it out. I recently stopped texting back and disabled my Instagram so he couldn’t send me funny videos or anything on dm and on Snapchat I deleted it. Bc I’m so confused by him if he wants to be with me or not. He told me that he’s sorry and he loves me and for right now we aren’t together and that when he leaves ( bc he’s going to South Carolina for his cousin who’s graduating his basic training camp thingy with his family ) he said he will text me when he gets back and he hopes I find time for myself and I enjoy myself and he said remember I’m here for you. And that he loves me. As of now I didn’t reply and I’m confused by him 😅

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 4, 2020 at 6:58 pm

      It is clear that your relationship has a history of stress and difficulty. He may or may not be willing to maintain a respectful relationship with you. If he messages you back when he returns, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he doesn’t reach out to you, then allow your thoughts of him to fade.

  6. Avatar

    Queen

    September 26, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    I have been with my boyfriend for 1year and 8months, most of it was amazing, recently we had a bad fight, didn’t talk for a week and then when we did, I bought up the topic, my intention was to apologise but bringing up the past wasn’t the best idea, he then said he doesn’t think this relationship can work out, and thanked me for the splendid time. I feel like he is angry and hurting and we can work this out. It is long distance, I worry if I stay quite he will move on and I not ready to give up, please advise

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 28, 2019 at 12:54 am

      The two of you had an argument, and he made the decision to end your relationship. He broke up with you, and he then informed you of the reason why your relationship was not viable. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere, and determine what you want for your future without him. You will draw positive people and energy into your life by sharing your kindness and compassion at all times.

  7. Avatar

    kayla

    September 22, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    so I dated a guy for almost 4 months everything was going well and I really thought he was the one. we saw each other every single weekend and texted each other everyday. He broke things off in July because he felt like he was unsure if he was ready for a relationship because of external factors( he lost his father earlier this year and a co-worker he was close to a couple of months ago) but I still wanted him in my life so he promised me that we would see each other and hang out. I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago just checking up on him to see how he was doing it was a good convo we both said we missed each other. he said that he is attending therapy and just working on himself. I asked if he wanted to hang out and he said yes but not right now because he wants to be okay first before he does that. we talked until about 1am and it seemed like he didn’t want to stop talking but after I haven’t heard from him since that talk. I still have his things at my house because he didn’t want them back and as well we still follow each other on social media I noticed he still watches all my insta stories. I’m just unsure of when we are going to see each other.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 24, 2019 at 10:47 am

      It sounds like he may just be unable to date anyone right now. The mixed messages might be because he is actually attracted to you and would like to be with you if it weren’t for the fact that he doesn’t think that he is ready yet. Be patient, and the situation will hopefully change. Good luck!

  8. Avatar

    Kiya

    September 22, 2019 at 5:54 am

    My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. Recently there was a conflict with his family that changed the way my boyfriend and I saw our relationship. He did not stand up to me to his parents and I had to defend myself to his parents. That made me upset because I wanted a man who was able to stand up for me. For him, he said it made him realize he was a child and it made him realize things he wants to change about himself. He said he wrote these things down and are working on it. It also made him confused about himself and his life. He said he never should have made any promises to me because he sees that he isnt at a stage in his life where he can keep promises. So he doesnt want to be in a relationship and wants to focus on himself. To be honest, this past year I’ve been secretly jealous of single women. I love him dearly and didnt want to break up, so I kept it inside, but I started noticing other men more (not acting on it) and becoming sad about the limited time I could see my boyfriend. My boyfriend lives with his grandfather and as such has a curfew that he has to be home by. He also doesnt have a car and can borrow his mom’s if he does her errands. So these things eat up our time together. I’ve been frustrated all year because I’ve been having to schedule my schedule around his so we can see each other since my schedule is more flexible than his. Thus, when we broke up after the situation with his family, I was more relieved than I thought I would be and I realized it was because I finally felt like I could do what I wanted and I expressed this to him. But, I still want to be with him one day. I wouldn’t mind a break but he wants to break up. He is confused about everything. It hurts that he’s confused about me because he had told me he loved me so much and he’s a great, loving, and devoted boyfriend. But now he doesnt want to be with me and it hurts. For more background, I am 25 and he is 24. I live alone in an apartment. I am very independent and I have been becoming frustrated with how dependent he is on his family. I just turned 25 and I want to start feeling like an adult and not like a kid, which I sometimes feel when I’m with him because we’re constantly running errands for his family or doing other things for his family. The conflict with his family also really hurt my feelings because I did his mom’s grocery shopping, I baby sat, I pet sat, and other things and she didn’t care to hear my side of the situation when I always bent over backwards for her and her family. So it really upset my boyfriend that his parents treated me that way and that he didnt stick up for me in the moment I needed it.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 23, 2019 at 7:18 pm

      If what you want is independence, then you probably won’t find it with him in the near future. He still lives at home, so he probably isn’t going to rock the boat with his parents. Additionally, there is no reason why he couldn’t live on his own as you do. If you want a committed relationship with an equal who has a car to get around and is self-reliable, it doesn’t sound like he will be that person. Until he grows up, it may be better for you to just move on.

  9. Avatar

    Besa

    September 16, 2019 at 8:07 am

    I am in date for 1 month with a guy.
    We started date on 13 august.
    After 1 month relationship he started to change.
    We rarely went out, rarerly wrote to me and 2 days ago i write e message to him about how much he mean to me I tell him everything that a i fall in love with him and I said to him if he does not appreciate my love for hime It’s ok he can go.
    Than he replay to me and said:
    I don’t think of breaking up with you
    I just need time to think what i want with you
    He said that he is in a situation that he can’t be with but also he can’t be and without m
    I asked him how much time he want and he said: don’t set a deadline, it’s temporary day to day thing.
    It’s been 2 days that I dont write to him and he don’t write me too
    What do you think about that?
    Did he have someone else so he needs to see how it’s going and if nothing is done with her he’ll come back to decide with me ? Maybe this is the reason that he is lying to me ?
    Or maybe he needs to analyze his feeling for me.
    How much time should i wait for him to think ?
    Should i wrote to him after a while and ask about his decision or wait for him to write me first ?

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 20, 2019 at 9:03 pm

      If someone needs space, two days is probably not enough time to get it. Asking him questions or pushing him right away will only push him away from you. The best thing you can do is wait and what will happen, will happen. Good luck, Besa!

  10. Avatar

    peanut35

    September 16, 2019 at 3:55 am

    I was seeing a man who recently got out of a 26 yr marriage and was very hurt. Things were going very well until about 4 months in he started backing off and then said he needed to get his head together and figure out what he wanted. I told him to take his space and let me know. I haven’t contacted him since and it’s been a week. How much space do I give him?

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 20, 2019 at 8:46 pm

      After such a long-lasting marriage, it could be years before he is ready to date seriously. He may realize that he just wants to play the field for a while. Try reaching out to him again after a few weeks have passed and see where his head is at. Good luck, Peanut35!

  11. Avatar

    Laura

    September 12, 2019 at 3:56 pm

    My boyfriend, well, ex boyfriend as of yesterday, and I have been together for 3 months. Things were great in the beginning as it always does, and we spent our entire summer together. He started his second year of college and I started my first last month. And yes it has been stressful for both of us. Over the last month we have been arguing, and it would happen not all the time but sometimes quite frequently. Over dumb things. And whenever there was an issue, he told me to tell him so we could fix it because he was going to “fight like hell for something so perfect” so I did. But I was doing things that hurt him like my arguing or me showing a lack of trust. But he never came to me and told me he needed me to stop. Or it was an issue to him. He let it build up and then he started questioning our relationship without even telling me. Two days ago, we talked on the phone because the night before I told him I wished he was there for me more. When we talked on the phone, I spilled my heart out apologizing because I spent my entire day thinking and putting the pieces together. I was in the wrong and I knew what I needed to fix and change. I had changed from an outgoing, funny, sunshiny person to a cloudy stressed under the weather person. I turned this way because of things completely unrelated to him. But that night he broke up with me after I spilled my guts, and he told me he didn’t know what he wanted and didn’t know if he saw me in his future as anything but a friend. He said hurtful things like, “I don’t know if I loved you as much as I thought” but then he would say, “I loved you every minute of our relationship” so I lost myself and said bad things and thought it was the end until yesterday, we talked on the phone twice and talked calmly and I explained everything to him and told him how I felt and what I wanted and I couldn’t of made it any better of a speech to him. We even laughed about some things. He told me he was so stressed because of school that he didn’t know what he wanted and he doesn’t want to argue anymore. He doesn’t want hurt and he doesn’t wanna hurt me. So I mentioned going on a break, or getting back together and trying again but doing things right. This is the first bump in the road, and you shouldn’t give up like that. So he told me he would come home this weekend and spend time with his family and think about what he wants and make a decision… I am so lost right now. I want him to be happy, but I don’t want him making rash decisions If his mind is all screwy. I need help figuring this out… I’m miserable.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2019 at 8:36 pm

      The two of you decided to end your relationship, though it seems like the two of you are still navigating this relationship. It seems that your personality changed due to this relationship, which is likely an indicator of what this relationship has done to you. You may find benefit in ending this relationship. Make a decision about what you want for this relationship, and speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Laura!

    • Avatar

      Grace

      October 3, 2019 at 1:00 pm

      My boyfriend and I of over 4 years started having this problem about a month ago.

      Out of the blue he had told me that he wasn’t sure how he felt in our relationship anymore and that there was a girl that he had found somewhat attractive and he hadn’t felt like that and he felt like he was cheating on me so of course he just had to tell me in the middle of his talk about confusion.

      Basically, I acted pretty calm about it because I knew that I couldnt freak out on him for feelings the ways that he did. The next week was like hell for us. Considering he told me that he wanted to stay in the relationship because he seen a future with me and that he would be a little distant. He then told me he was just overwhelmed because he wasn’t sure what he wanted out of his life anymore, as we are close to graduation. He told me he wasn’t ready for the marriage and the living together that we had been talking about for the last 2 years.

      After a week of stepping on egg shells around him, he broke up with me. Things calmed down and we talked and we got back together after hooking up, which probably wasn’t the greatest idea but it happened.

      Its been about 2 weeks since we fully got back together, in that time he had told me that he wanted a little more space because I was clinging and kind of controlling. I told him it wasnt the girlfriend I wanted to be anymore and that I wanted to better myself as well. He accepted and for the first day everything was fine.

      Then he told me that he didn’t want to tell our families that we had gotten back together in fear that we wouldnt be able to work things out. It hurt my feelings quite a bit and I feel like he knew that. Our friends who knew we broke up, had somehow known we had gotten back together and they still call me his girlfriend and he doesnt correct them. He won’t correct me if I say it either.

      Our relationship has been completely rocky the last 2 weeks. He keeps insisiting and taking everything super slow and he refuses to kiss me or even hold my hand. Only once or twice a day will he offer his cheek for me to give him a loving kiss.

      We haven’t really argued but he has been really distant. To the piont where he will go hours without talking to me. We go to the same college so we have some of the same classes and its hard to see he is ignoring me.

      He brought up our future once since we got back together a couple days ago and said that he found a house for us potentionally and we were going to go look at it together but he changed his mind only a few hours later.

      My only problem with the way everything has been going is, theres the girl at his work that he found attractive. They’re friends on social media and as of right now, his status on social media is still single because like I said he wanted to make sure we could really work togather this time. He keeps tagging this girl in posts and the other day I seen that they were texting although I wasnt sure what they were talking about. I keep thinking she is his friend, but I just keep overthinking the whole situation thinking he might just be pawning me off on the side and trying to find love elsewhere.

      Just two hours ago he reminded me that he still wasnt sure what he really wanted. Granted, we actually argued for the first time in 2 weeks earlier today but I thought we resolved it.

      I’m confused by what to do, I’m giving him space and I know it takes time for things like these to play out. I just don’t know if I’m missing something major. He still tells me he loves me occasionaly and he still acts like he cares and wants to be there for me and wants to be with me but he turns that around every now and again and says how he just isnt sure.

      I’m just not sure what to do.

      • web admin

        web admin

        December 30, 2019 at 11:05 am

        It sounds like you have been extremely calm and controlled this entire time. You have done everything right. The only problem is it seems like he isn’t actually ready to settle down. Being attracted to this girl is natural–the opposite gender doesn’t stop being attractive when you are in a relationship, after all. Unfortunately, it seems like this attraction made him take stock and realize he didn’t want to be in a long-term relationship. This realization has been made even harder because it seems like he genuinely cares for you and wants to be with you. There are two ways this will go. Either he will realize that he is ready to settle down, or he will finally get the courage to be single again. My bet is that he ends up deciding to be single and date around, but he might not have the courage to actually end the relationship for quite a while.

  12. Avatar

    Sofia

    September 12, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    My boyfriend and I are both 30. I met him 4 months after he had gotten out of a 4 year relationdhip. I was hesitant as a result but he told me he was ready, and even though in the back of my mind I always had this insecurity, the relationship progressed to the point of almost moving in together. It’s been about 9 months now. It has been Rocky but there has also been love. Recently we have fought a lot. I had even tried leaving him at one point but then we decided to try fixing things to see if they could get back on track.

    Then he became extremely insecure and jealous and claiming he was afraid of losing me or afraid if not being able to give me the love I deserve.

    Eventually this lead to an open discussion in which finally I got him to open up and explain his doubts (regarding moving in together, eventually marriage, and maybe he needed more time to be single and basically play the field)

    I said if that’s what he needs to do then to go do it and thanked him for being open. He said he didn’t want to break up and lose me to another guy. I asked if he could honestly love me having these doubts. He claimed they would pass etc etc.

    He said he wanted to be with me and was just confused and asked if I wanted to be with him. I didn’t answer until the next morning saying thank you again and I’m sorry but I need someone who is sure of me. Some if the doubts we could work through together but others perhaps he needs time on his own. In any case the doubts need to stop in order for us to move forward.

    He continues asking for a break.. I say I don’t believe in it and I apologized fkr my behavior leading to this point and if he needs time to figure himself out then go.

    In which he responded again about other guys and finally said he needed just some days alone to think. I said ok. He texted me that night. I told him not a good idea if he wants space. Next day I asked to clarify space. He came over and in two seconds said he wants to be with me and has these strange thoughts that maybe he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. So I said we’ll, it’s up to you. He said no I want to be with you.

    We hung out. He left and texted me a lot later that night.

    Next day I was thinking a lot and it felt strange to be with someone that wasn’t sure if he was ready, regardless of what he had said, so I called him and asked if maybe it was better to break up if he still wasn’t sure. He explained he wants to see how he feels that it’s not me (yeah right). And just wants some time alone. So I said ok. He apologized saying he was sorry but needs to do this. I said don’t worry, it’s ok. I love you and wanted to work through things together but maybe you’re right and it’s best like this.

    We have agreed to meet on Sunday after the weekend.

    But I’m not hopeful. He is a good guy and I get someone us confused. But I’ve been on the other end.. I think he is afraid to lose me even though he really wants to be single. And now after our fights etc probably he sees me badly and therefore the appeal to be single is stronger. I know its a mistake, but I also know I can’t make him see anything and I certainly don’t want to convince anyone to stay with me.

    Its too bad though! There was so much potential.
    And I’m 30…im also afraid not to find anyone!

    But we will see on Sunday how it goes.

    Thanks for your article 🙂

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2019 at 8:31 pm

      The two of you maintained a relationship together, and he started feeling insecure and jealous. He shared his thoughts and feelings with you, but it is clear that he was confused. You will see him on Sunday, so the two of you should make a decision at that time. If he is noncommittal, then end this relationship and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Sofia!

  13. Avatar

    Laura

    September 12, 2019 at 2:11 pm

    My boyfriend of 3 months just went off to his second year of college and I just started my first year. We spent the summer together but we both got stressed and started arguing about little things. A month into school, things would be fine then the next day they wouldn’t be. Up until a few days ago when we talked on the phone and he broke up with me saying he doesn’t know what he wants. But I talked to him calmly yesterday and asked what was wrong and he said he is so stressed he doesn’t know what he wants, what he needs or what to do. If we take a break, he’s scared I won’t love him anymore or it will turn out we aren’t meant to be after all. But the problems are simple and an easy fix in my eyes, we both need to be better for each other and it doesn’t require a whole lot of time. But I’m so scared I’m going to lose him for good. I need help.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2019 at 8:29 pm

      The two of you have maintained a short relationship, and you seem to argue about simple things. The two of you are both going to school, which likely is a sign that you both are focusing on your education. He has informed you that he is uncertain about what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. The two of you may decide that it is best to focus on your educations. Have a great day, Laura!

  14. Avatar

    Ju

    September 11, 2019 at 6:40 am

    Ive been seeing a chap I knew from work a few yrs ago, I left that job then a few yrs later I met him in asda he wanted my mobile number to keep in contact, he was then going through a divorce. Anyway been with him 15 months. But since the divorce has been finalized. He said he was now confused about what he wants out of life. But he had quoted a couple of times while we were together about when we grow old together ect.I don’t get it,we seemed to get on very well enjoying each other’s company. But I must add I never met he’s parent’s or siblings in the 15 months ! Did meet hes 3 grown up kids briefly so not sure, he does come around twice a week for coffee & a chat but can’t answer any questions on how he feels about us,he says he gets emotional.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2019 at 3:57 pm

      His divorce was finalized, and now he is uncertain about what he wants for his future. He shared his thoughts and feelings with you. It seems that you want to maintain a relationship with him, so speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you again. If he is still uncertain about this relationship, then inform him that you need an answer. You have a life to live, and you shouldn’t be held back by the uncertainties of someone else. Have a great day, Ju!

  15. Avatar

    Josefine

    September 2, 2019 at 6:46 am

    I have been together with my boyfriend for 3 years now. The first 2 years we had a long distance relationship because I was studying and living in another city. Last year I moved in to his apartment and I got a job as a hairdresser. In June this year I quitted my job because of to much responsibilities and stress, I got exhausted! since then he apparently have been having doubts and they got stronger towards the “end” (I had no clue about this, cause he was sweeter than ever towards me) it’s been a week since I saw and last talked to him, but what happened is he basically broke up with me, then 1 hour later called me and didn’t want the break up? Just time and space to think? I feel like I’m in limbo now and I’m trying to put the focus on myself but where should I go from here? I heard a lot about the “no contact rule” and I’ve decided not to contact him at least until he reaches out.. We never fight, but I’m scared that I have been to clingy and needy the last months of our relationship.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 2, 2019 at 9:20 pm

      He made the decision to end your relationship. You have made the wide choice to not reach out to him. If he reaches out to you, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. You will find great benefit in allowing thoughts of him to fade. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere, and determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Josefire!

  16. Avatar

    pota

    August 31, 2019 at 5:20 am

    he told me he needed space a week ago,I reacted the wrong way, I called him and texted severally like for 4days, then I just stopped. I have given up now…but he told me he just needs time, he’s confused because I yelled at his friends..

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 1, 2019 at 9:34 pm

      He informed you that he needed space, and this was due to your decision to yell at his friends. After he informed you that he needed space, you chose to react the wrong way. Give him the space that he requested. If he makes the decision to reach out to you in the future, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. If he does not speak with you, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Apply the knowledge from your mistakes to your future relationships, and ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Pota!

  17. Avatar

    Christy

    August 26, 2019 at 10:05 pm

    My boyfriend of 4.5 months broke up with me two weeks ago. I truly didn’t see it coming. We had a great weekend (I thought!) together the last time we were together. Even just a few days before, he asked me to go to a friend’s house for a game night in a couple weeks, we talked about introducing our kids into the relationship by all of us going camping next month, he sent a 😙 (kissing face) in one of his last texts to me, many other little things that to me indicated he was still thinking forward. Then, the next thing I know, he’s telling me he feels like I’m putting in more effort than he is, that he’s not sure he wants to be in a relationship, that he wants to focus on him and his son and that it isn’t fair to me. I responded simply “okay.” Then later that day left one voicemail message that thanked him for being honest and respectful and that while that’s obviously not where I thought things were going that I wished him well. There has been NO contact since. I do also know that that same week his son’s mom dropped a huge emotional bomb on him. I’m not sure if that had something to do with it or not, because of course he didn’t express that to me. I truly feel like we were set up for such an amazing future and I just didn’t see this coming. I feel like I’ve handled the break up very well and have not expressed my distress or sadness to him at all. The other twist is that I will have to see him at least several times a week because I am a teacher at the school where his son will attend this fall (though not in my classroom). I am SO heartbroken, but I am trying to make the most loving and positive choices that I can because I would really like to renew the relationship if at all possible. Thanks for your insight. CD

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 27, 2019 at 6:16 pm

      Your boyfriend made the decision to end your relationships. He informed you that he no longer wanted to maintain a romantic relationship with you. After your voicemail, the two of you have no decided to speak with each other. You have handled the breakup well, and you are aware of the benefits of focusing your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Christy!

      • Avatar

        Confused

        September 11, 2019 at 6:38 am

        Ive been seeing a chap I knew from work a few yrs ago, I left that job then a few yrs later I met him in asda he wanted my mobile number to keep in contact, he was then going through a divorce. Anyway been with him 15 months. But since the divorce has been finalized. He said he was now confused about what he wants out of life. But he had quoted a couple of times while we were together about when we grow old together ect.I don’t get it,we seemed to get on very well enjoying each other’s company. But I must add I never met he’s parent’s or siblings in the 15 months ! Did meet hes 3 grown up kids briefly so not sure, he does come around twice a week for coffee & a chat but can’t answer any questions on how he feels about us,he says he gets emotional.

        • web admin

          web admin

          September 12, 2019 at 3:57 pm

          His divorce was finalized, and now he is uncertain about what he wants for his future. He shared his thoughts and feelings with you. It seems that you want to maintain a relationship with him, so speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you again. If he is still uncertain about this relationship, then inform him that you need an answer. You have a life to live, and you shouldn’t be held back by the uncertainties of someone else. Have a great day, Anon!

  18. Avatar

    Pistalau

    August 17, 2019 at 11:20 pm

    We re together for 4 months now and he told me he is confused and doesn t love me that much anymore like he used to do before ,he said he s bored of our routine together and he would like other things. Now he sais he wants time alone and the other minute he loves me and wants to see and stay with me. In the first month together I liked another boy besides him and they were friends i regret that but he said he remember and that s the reason he s cold and distant
    He said he is really sorry and he wants to be everything like before, i can see that he wants to change and love me more but i don’t know how to help
    Also i let my parets a lot to be part of my relationship and we we re doing the same exact things almost daily for 1 month.
    When he started to be cold he said he had been thinking about her ex break up messages ,she was his first love and then a week later i hear that he doesn t love me that much anymore ..i asked him if this is the matter and he said it s not ,he doesn t care anymore..He also said he s full of us being forced sometimes with eachother like we change in function of how one another likes to be and he said he had to much expectations from me
    What do you think is the matter and what should i to to help him cause he asks me to be alone then the nect our he texts me and want to see me and he makes me confused too..He wants me to help him but how?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 18, 2019 at 10:08 pm

      He has informed you of his feelings. He is no longer interested in maintaining a relationship based on respect and love. You may choose to continue to treat him as a friend, as it is always beneficial to share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. However, he has shown you that he is not a viable partner. Speak with your parents about your thoughts and feelings, and make a decision based on their input as well. Have a great day, Pistalau!

  19. Avatar

    Dawn

    August 15, 2019 at 6:55 am

    Been seeing this guy on & off for 8 years. Moved into his own place about a year ago and things have changed drastically. Now we go days without talking or seeing each other. He takes 24+ hours to respond. I honestly don’t know what to do. I am beyond heart broken. Avoiding him is next to impossible bc we live in the same town & our kids go to school together today he told me he can’t help me with s legal issue( that he offered to help with I didn’t ask) bc it would be unethical bc things have gotten too confused. Yet helped with an issue last year when all these changes between us started. I’m st a total loss & don’t know how to fix this

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 15, 2019 at 4:49 pm

      The two of you are not living together, and you feel that there is uncertainty regarding your relationship. You are confused about the relationship. You should speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. This will give the two of you an opportunity to understand the status and future of your relationship. Have a great day, Dawn!

  20. Avatar

    Nitty

    August 11, 2019 at 9:07 am

    I used have crush on this guy and I told this to my best friend(girl), after like an year ago and I sent his profile to her and she instantly liked him, I emphasised that I like him since more than 5 years, she flirted with him through our fake account while talking she sent her real profile and he liked her too, I was heart broken, though me being naive and stupid I supported her, she said she wouldn’t cheat me still she flirted with him behind my back, and now they are dating, I hate her now but still I’m her “bf” to slove problems in her life,I don’t why I’m doing this, I acted like I support her even though I hate it, how do I cut her?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 12, 2019 at 8:06 pm

      You made the decision to tell your friend about your crush. For whatever reason, she chose to flirt with your crush. They are now dating, and you feel bitter about her behaviors. Your feelings are perfectly acceptable. You can continue to share your kindness and compassion with her, while you maintain new social relationships. You may want to maintain a relationship with someone new at this time. Have a great day, Nitty!

    • Avatar

      Happiness

      August 29, 2019 at 12:54 am

      I have been in a relationship for ten months. I met this guy and he was just the best we always worked things through but of late we have been having arguments weekly we even broke up and got back together. But I realized he is withdrawing and i asked him he said the frequent fights are taking a toll on him to an extent he is losing faith in us. He has asked for time to think on whether he really wants this or not. I am heartbroken cause i was willing to work things out😭

      • web admin

        web admin

        August 30, 2019 at 3:40 pm

        The two of you have frequent arguments. You spoke with him about your concerns, and he shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He asked for time, so give him what he has asked for. If he reaches out to you in the future, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. For now, share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life, as this will draw positive people and energy toward you. Have a great day, Happiness!

      • Avatar

        Confused

        September 9, 2019 at 10:54 am

        My boyfriend and I were together for about a year and a half. Everything was great hardly ever faught went on long trips together just had a lot of fun with each other. Then he started getting distant but I didn’t think anything of it just thought maybe he was stressed about his job and he’s not one to talk about anything that bothers him either. One day out of the blue he texts me and says we need to talk, he comes over and says he can’t do this anymore (he is crying at this point) so I ask him what the problem is and he says, “I just need time to get on my feet, I thought I was ready for a serious relationship, but I guess I’m not, and we can still be friends.” Does this mean he is just truly done? I go back and forth thinking it for sure is and I need to move on but then I get this feeling that I just need to give him time and space.

        • web admin

          web admin

          September 9, 2019 at 3:34 pm

          Your boyfriend and you have maintained a relationship together for a year and a half. Over time, he became more distant and stressed. This may be due to various influences in his life. He has informed you of his thoughts regarding the future of this relationship. Determine what you want for your future without him, and make a decision about what you believe is viable. You will draw positive people and energy into your life by sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Confused!