What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He’s Confused and He Needs Time to Think?

By on August 14, 2018

One of the worst things that can happen to a woman is this: you’re in a seemingly great relationship with some dreamy guy you can’t get enough of. You went on a hot date last night and it was a hit! However, you woke up today only to hear the dreaded words: “I’m confused and just need some time to think about things”. Uhhh, what? It’s a joke right? Unfortunately not, and it is gut-wrenching. But before you flip out and wonder what’s wrong with you, let’s take a look at what this may actually mean.

Boyfriend Says He Needs Time to Think

Reasons He May Say the Dreaded Words We Never Want to Hear

He is Genuinely Scared

Let’s face it: relationships can be, well, rather scary. When you feel like you are falling in love with someone and they’re taking up your time and thoughts constantly, you can feel overwhelmed. And in some cases a man may start to feel this way when he is falling deeply in love with you. He needs to take some time to think about what love is and if he is really ready to dive in and be with a woman full time and let his emotions overtake him.

He Needs to Reclaim His Masculinity

When a man falls in love with a woman, he lets his guard down. All of the sudden he is a romantic lovey-dovey sap, and when a man realizes this he can become somewhat bothered, feeling like his masculinity is being taken from him. Yes, it is kind of silly, but men are all about being macho and strong and impressing females. If he feels like he is becoming to emotionally powered and feeling weak giving into his loving emotions, he may want to take a step back to simply redeem his testosterone levels.

He’s Not Interested

This is the one we all dread hearing, but unfortunately sometimes being ‘confused’ and ‘needing time to think’ are code words for ‘I am not interested and I may even be interested in another woman already’. If this is the case, it’s important to remember there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes relationships simply do not work out and the spark dies off; or in some cases, was never there in the first place.

reasons why your man wants space and what to do about it

How You Need to React

Don’t Panic

How you react to a man saying he’s confused and needs time to think is imperative. Show him you’re not crazy and not all about him. Show him you can be independent and strong and DO NOT PANIC! Yes it’s terrible to hear, but panicking and over-thinking is NOT going to help you in the slightest. Remain calm and stay cool- it is way more attractive than being the ‘crazy’ girl he never wants to see again.

Leave Him Alone

You certainly do not want to portray yourself as being desperate. Show him that you’re a strong woman that can live without him and he may become more attracted to you and realize you’re the woman of his dreams. On the other hand, leaving him alone will give you time to relax and GET OVER HIM! If he isn’t so sure about you, then don’t waste your time trying to win him back. There is a man out there who knows for sure that he loves you and it won’t confuse him to feel loving emotions.

What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He's Confused and He Needs Time to Think

Pull Back and Let Him Come to You

Keeping your distance from him and actually allowing him time to think can be the best thing for your relationship. Sometimes people truly just need some time to sit back, relax, and assess the situation. Pulling away from him and showing him you can give him his space without freaking out is a great way to handle the situation. When he decides he wants to be with you, let him come to you- and let him work for it. Show him you weren’t just waiting around for his answer. Have him come to you, never go to him begging for him to make up his mind and be with you.

Have you ever heard a man tell you that he is confused and needs time to think? How did you handle the situation and how did the relationship ultimately work out? We would love to hear some stories! BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER: DON’T PANIC! Sometimes people just need a breather!

131 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Lia

    August 11, 2019 at 9:02 am

    He’s used to be my friend, he proposed and I said no, he ignores it and he’s trying make me accept and even planning married life, what should I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 12, 2019 at 7:56 pm

      He informed you that he was interested in maintaining a relationship with you. You told him that you were not interested. He continues to attempt to make you accept his proposal, even though you turned him down. If he continues, then it is clear that he doesn’t respect your position. If he bothers you, then inform him that you do not believe his behaviors are appropriate. If he makes the decision to dismiss you, then block him and avoid him. Have a great day, Lia!

  2. Avatar

    Zeesha

    August 11, 2019 at 7:44 am

    I was dating this guy thru online site.After few telephonic conversations I felt like he is the one though I hadn’t met him yet.We talked to each other about how we spent day nll.Finally I got a chance to meet him few times.He came out to be nice person but totally opposite to me,like he was extrovert n had big social circle.but I was ok with it.And he always made me feel comfortable around him.He used to take efforts to keep conversations alive all this while.After couple of dates he told me he likes me n shd take things to next level so tht we can think of marriage. I had already liked him so I was happy but then I had doubts about his behavior as he had always mentioned tht he feels I don’t talk and seems like m not comfortable with him.it was true but that is how I am, I take time to get along with ppl even though I hav liked them. But since he said he wants to take things ahead. I thought he is ok with this.immediately after this convo he had started having lil less talk time with me. I thought may be he must b busy but it went for like 2-3 days. So I decided to ask him then he suddenly said that he likes me but doesn’t see spark in me or us.he wants to fall madly in love n want his partner to have same thing.So I asked him why didnt u tell me tht u wanna take things to next level if you wanted all this. He was like that goes unsaid that this must be der in relationship. I am really hurt as I had started to like him even he confessed he did but then now he wants spark. And he didn’t even try to tell me this he only told me when I asked him what’s wrong. That’s what makes it more disappointing as what if I wud have been under impression tht mayb he is busy.I asked him what shd we do to slove this? He was clueless then he said give me two weeks maybe I can decide then. But then I felt this is wrong that you say someone you like nll keep them involved then one fine day say you don’t see spark. I wanted things to work btw us for real n maybe wanted to marry him. but his spark thing just made me loose all the trust n faith n charm I had seen in him as I thought maybe he might say yes to me now and then after sometime again he will lose spark or see spark in some other girl. I didn’t want to hurt myself further so I said we shdnt consider going ahead. I feel I took right decision but sometimes or most of the time m just lost in the recurring thoughts what if I wud have given him those 2 weeks he was asking for. And I really get depressed. We hadn’t blocked each other on social sites as we hadn’t fought. Although I wanted to fight with him for being so insensitive but then I was so hurt n had bcom emotional that I cudnt even expln him why I m saying no.So I just keep wondering if it was right decision to say him no or does he like or was he genuinely asking for time. We haven’t contacted each other since then. It’s been few months. I feel since he was the one to have spark problem he should contact me instead of being passive stalker(i see him viewing my social updates)if he wants me. I m afraid to contact him as he might say no again or say he didn’t see ny spark or something else. Sometimes I even feel maybe he might b seeing other girls from whom he must b expecting answer in those to weeks to decide on me.i just need to know from you what I did was right? If not how to rectify things or avoid such things in future.ny advise on stopping recursive thoughts about him.i tried distracting myself, doing new things but all in vain. I just don’t want to loose someone who could be potential partner so m scared. I have already lost him but still I have some hope. I don’t know if it is right or not. What I know is I m confused right now I am unable to decide if he was right or wrong.shd I keep ny hopes from him. It’s been few months we have broken.
    Thanks for reading such a long story.Pl. advise me.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 12, 2019 at 7:49 pm

      The two of you met on an internet website. You maintained a strong social and emotional relationship. Something in his life changed, and he informed you that he was no longer interested in maintaining this relationship. You are holding on hope in regards to this relationship. Determine if you believe whether or not this relationship is viable. However, you should focus your emotional energy elsewhere at this time. If he reaches out to you in the future, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. Have a great day, Zeesha!

      • Avatar

        Zeesha

        August 13, 2019 at 11:01 am

        Thanks for your advice. I got confirmation that this guy was already dating someone and now he is in relationship with her. That is what I heard. Good that I am saved.

        • web admin

          web admin

          August 13, 2019 at 6:14 pm

          Thank you for sharing your supportive comment. We always appreciate when members of our community share their experiences and insights. Please share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Zeesha!

  3. Avatar

    Lisa

    August 10, 2019 at 11:03 am

    I have been talking to this guy for about 5 months. The relationship is long distance and we have met 3 times. He pursued me and showed a lot of interest in the beginning. We made things official not too long ago. He wanted to be official and we had a passionate kiss. He shared his feelings with me and told me I made him feel vulnerable and it scares him. He spoke about seeing a future together. I wasn’t always verbal with my feelings so he would wonder if I like him as much as he likes me, but I assured him that I did like him. I started to fall in love with him but I did not tell him. We got into an argument because he was not able to come see me for my birthday and told him I don’t want to be with him and was being very mean. We started to bicker more but We started talking again after the argument and he was a bit distant. Then, Shortly after, his friend passed away , he started to become even more distant and was acting different. I asked him why he was acting this way and he told me he was confused and has a lot going on in his life and he doesn’t know if we are right for each other but he still likes me a lot so he needs time to himself. It sounded as if he had already made up his mind to break up with me so I told him I can’t force him to stay so this is it. He did not stop me from leaving and we haven’t spoken for almost two weeks and I took him off of my social, so did my friends and family. These have been the hardest weeks for me but I know that trying to speak to him will only push him further away. What should I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 10, 2019 at 10:08 pm

      The two of you have maintained a long distance social relationship. He informed you of his feelings regarding maintaining a romantic relationship with you. Eventually, the two of you had an argument. You made the decision to be mean to him. His friend then passed, and he began to rethink his life and relationships. The two of you have not spoken for weeks, and you deleted him. This relationship has passed, so focus your emotional energy elsewhere. If he reaches out to you in the future, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. Have a great day, Lisa!

  4. Avatar

    A

    August 9, 2019 at 1:58 pm

    My soon to be ex-husband and I have been together for almost 4 years and married for 2 years. We are in a long distant relationship for the past 3 years because of his job. We rarely argue. Recently he filed a divorce with me due to bankruptcy. I was shocked when I received a letter from his attorney. When I asked him, he said he did not know the papers he let me signed were divorce paper. The attorney just gave him the papers, and he thought those are the paper for separating our property so he can file bankruptcy solo. I was desperate when I got the letter. Now that both of us know those were divorce papers, first he said we could remarry once his economic situation gets better, then he said he is confused and does not know what love is anymore, and he does not know if he still loves me and he needs time to find himself. He said he does not know who he is anymore. A lot had happened in the past two years when he was in overseas. He needs me to give him time. He told me we are still together. He wants me to predict a life with and without him. He can not give me any promises anymore. Does he even want to in a relationship with me, or does he waiting for me to give up? I love him a lot; I do not wish to have a life without him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 10, 2019 at 9:30 pm

      He has sent you divorce papers. He stated that it was due to the bankruptcy and financial situation. He has also said that he doesn’t know what love is anymore. It is clear that he is uncertain about the future of this relationship. You need to get him to explain the trust of the situation. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself. If he dodges the question, ignores you, or treats you poorly, then you are aware of his feelings regarding this relationship. Have a great day, A!

  5. Avatar

    Anna

    August 7, 2019 at 3:51 am

    I was dating this guy for 2 months now, we were like any other couple, happy, and suddenly he said me yesterday that he doesn’t know what he feels and that he needs time to know what he feels. That freaked me out, but I was sure this will happend. In the last 3 weeks he didn’t want to meet me as he used to (we’ve seen each other just 1 time a week for the past 3 weeks, and before literally each one day or two days), and his explanation was that he wanted to keep some space between us. Now we take a pause from the relationship, and I don’t know if I still want to be with him anymore, because, in my opinion, you either love someone or not. So i don’t want to get hurt again, this hurts. A little help would be very kind, thanks.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 8, 2019 at 5:18 pm

      The two of you dated for two months, and he made the decision in inform you that he was uncertain about his feelings. Your opinion regarding whether or not someone loves you is your personal feeling. Emotions are more complicated that simple black and white formulas. He is uncertain about his feelings, though his behaviors are indications that he is not interested in maintaining a relationship with you at this time. Have a great day, Anna!

  6. Avatar

    Anonymous

    August 1, 2019 at 2:30 pm

    I have a boyfriend, but there’s this other guy. We made a mistake by having sex(though we do not regret anything). I think I am falling in love with him, but then he suddenly stopped chatting me up. He told me that he was sacred, confused and feeling guilty, and didnt want to come between me and my boyfriend. I had given him space since i noticed this change and since it wasnt helping matters, I chatted him up and asked him, and he told me all these. I am confused, does he still love me so much that he is so scared or does he want to chicken out just like the rest of the guys? Ugh! Men are so complicated much

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 1, 2019 at 3:38 pm

      You cheated on your partner and you do not regret your actions. Your behaviors are indications that you do not respect your partner. Speak with your partner about your behaviors, or simply end your relationship. After you do the right thing, then look inward and determine what behaviors you can change in the future. Have a great day, Anon!

  7. Avatar

    Kary

    July 28, 2019 at 7:16 am

    I can totally relate to that. I’ve been on a long distance relationship for nearly 3 years now and yesterday he asked for a break because he said he was confused. It didn’t hit me out of nowhere since at times I feel like I’m the only one making efforts to remain together, although I know he loves me, I’m just not sure if he loves me the way I want to be loved. It’s a guy dealing with depression and anxiety issues and it’s very confusing to understand. He sends me a lot of mixed signs and every time we don’t talk he can’t stand it and makes his way back to me. He tried to break up with me back in January and within 3 days he was sending me flowers and he was deeply regretted. He’s already texting me and I don’t know what to do. Is it guilt? Why he pushes me away and comes back to my life? Is there a chance he just loves my friendship but doesn’t want to be romantically involved and that’s why it keeps happening to him? It’s a great relationship and it’s very healthy so I don’t know what to think.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 29, 2019 at 4:35 pm

      He has asked for a break. He made the decision to message you after he took a break. It seems that he is uncertain or confused about this relationship. Make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Determine what you believe is appropriate and viable. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Kary!

    • Avatar

      Lyn

      July 30, 2019 at 9:19 pm

      I’m under the same exact predicament. Mine lives 5 hours away and said he got his new job to move closer to me eventually. He became distant and started saying he was just busy. Next thing I know I discovered him buying condoms on amazon. When I confronted him he said he wasn’t ready to be a stepdad yet (I have 2 girls). Then said he needed time to think and heal and get better and that he was sorry. Then he admitted he was trying to get closer to someone else. That literally broke my heart even more. He said he knows it doesn’t make sense but that he just needed time to become who he wants to become. It left me so hurt and confused. But that he would eventually still move here. This was towards the end of June. And I haven’t heard from him since then. Except about 3 weeks ago when I wished him a happy birthday and he responded but didn’t carry a conversation with me. I’m just as confused as you. And deeply hurt to add to it.

      • web admin

        web admin

        July 31, 2019 at 2:37 pm

        He chose to disrespect your relationship, and he decided to maintain a sexual relationship with someone else. You confronted him regarding his actions, and he shared his thoughts and feelings with you. His behaviors are clear indications that he is no longer interested in maintaining this relationship. Determine what you want for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Lyn!

  8. Avatar

    K Girl

    July 20, 2019 at 9:28 pm

    Hi, i can totally relate. Now Im the one whos keep on trying to make our relationship works. I always say goodbye to him and it hurts whenever he doesn’t attempt to stop me. He is always ready to let me go so Im scared to say goodbye to him. Im the one who always message or call him first. Yes he replies but Im still wishing he does it first like before. Im in too much pain. Would it be better if I just disappear without saying goodbye to him. I think it hurts less than hearing from him that he is letting me go. I just want to disappear, stay away and dont want to feel this pain anymore

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 21, 2019 at 8:37 pm

      You are no longer interested in maintaining this relationship. Determine what you want for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. If you feel that you need to speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, then do so. You will draw positive people and energy into your life by sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Girl!

      • Avatar

        K

        July 21, 2019 at 9:29 pm

        I keep on speaking to him how much I love him and showing that Im doing everything to make things back to where it was before but he said he cant anymore so he just let me try it. He is just waiting for me to give up but Im not ready yet. Im afraid to say to him that Im letting him go because he will leave. Im afraid to hear from him that he is letting me go. I wish I could just leave.

        • web admin

          web admin

          July 22, 2019 at 2:14 pm

          He is not committed to this relationship. He is maintaining a relationship with you because you want to maintain a relationship with him, but his heart is not there. Make a decision about what you want for your future, and take appropriate action. If you find that he neglects you, then end this relationship and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, K!

  9. Avatar

    Undyinglove

    July 10, 2019 at 8:21 am

    I have been with my now ex for 3 years. We just got engaged about 2 months ago and after that everything went downhill. Everything in my life was crumbling. Though it had nothing to do with him or our relationship it really took a toll on us. We were fighting a lot, I was stressed about life and planning the wedding. He never gave me any input on what he wanted for the wedding which made me feel like he didn’t care at all. We got into an argument about 3 weeks ago that really messed everything up. He stopped talking to me completely and went to bed which infuriated me because I’d rather talk it out than bury it. The argument escalated and it ended up with me giving him the ring back. I was so mad that I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I calmed down after about 10 minutes and tried to apologise and take back what I did but he wanted nothing to do with me and I don’t blame him at all. He was supposedly moving back home with his brother. Well a week ago he told me he wasn’t so confident in his decision and wanted to think about out relationship and if he does decide to stay with me he wants to start completely over. I’m heartbroken and I don’t know how to handle this situation at all

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 10, 2019 at 2:12 pm

      The two of you realized that this relationship is no longer viable. You returned the ring. This clearly shows that you are no longer interested in maintaining this relationship. He has decided to return to his family. Since you are no longer interested in him, you should allow thoughts of him to fade. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere, and determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Love!

      • Avatar

        Undyinglove

        July 10, 2019 at 3:46 pm

        But it is not what I wanted at all. I just get so mad sometimes that I don’t think before I act or speak

        • Avatar

          Francesca

          July 11, 2019 at 4:55 am

          Hi.. you pointed it out: you need to regulate your emotions. getting angry and crossing the line (giving back the ring) is a big no-no, it is the brink of emotional abuse. get it together, show him that you want to change. to be infuriated cause he doesn’t want to talk is not cool. giving back the ring is simply awful. think about him and the couple, the bond, before you.
          read self help books, look for help, you can even meet a counselor and get a grip of your anger. when you are angry you still are not allowed to cross the line and need to regulate yourself. you can do it!

          • web admin

            web admin

            July 11, 2019 at 4:28 pm

            Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences. We appreciate when members of our community share their supportive comments. Please share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Francesca!

        • web admin

          web admin

          July 11, 2019 at 3:25 pm

          You are aware of your behaviors. Since you know that you choose to act or speak in an unacceptable manner when you are angry, you should learn to control your behaviors. Practice mindfulness in the future. If you are upset, then make sure that you choose to be a good person. Learn from this lesson and apply that knowledge to your future interactions. Have a great day, Love!

  10. Avatar

    Jade Milano

    July 5, 2019 at 1:29 pm

    My husband and I got married at 19 but knew each other two years before that. We recently have been arguing and money has been tight since I moved out to California with him. Considering that he’s in the military as well, we didn’t get to spend much time together and he was always at work. Whenever he’d come back home he was so cuddly and always wanted to be with me. We argued about trust issues within the relationship among other things frequently. I recently moved back to my home town because of a job offer and since I wasn’t getting any income he told me I should stay. Especially since I really missed my family and I wasn’t happy out there with him. So, after three days of being out here with my family he decided to call a break and said he needed some time to think. It’s been a month or so now since the break and we’ve both done some pretty messed up stuff. We talked to other people but we knew deep down we still were in love with each other. He recently just came back from California and told me he wanted to see me. He told me he was still in love with me but he was still confused and needed time to think still. He kissed me and hugged me and we watched the sunrise together that morning. I’m also very very confused because I was starting to move on and become less dependent on him and now all I want to do is go back with him to California.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 5, 2019 at 9:54 pm

      Military relationships may be difficult to maintain, especially if there are trust issues. Make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Determine what you believe is viable and appropriate for the future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Jade!

  11. Avatar

    Hella

    June 29, 2019 at 1:41 am

    Hi ! I met this guy ! We didn’t know each other but someone else organized this! He wrote me once and then waited for 1 month and asked me out for a first date ! During it ,it seemed that everything went well ! He was the one to ask if we could leave! And then he asked me what would I do the next day! It seemed like he wanted to ask me out again, but i told him that i had to work and this was true ! After leaving me home , I never heard about him! I was surprised because I was quite sure he would call or text me again ! I guess he didn’t like me as he didn’t ask me on a second date but he shared a lot of his life and things during the conversation! It seemed like he was feeling comfortable with me ! What happened??

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 30, 2019 at 9:15 pm

      He made the decision to not reach out to you. It seems that you did not reach out to him either. If you want to speak with him, then do so. You should not wait for someone else to make the next move. Determine what you want for your future, and take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Hella!

  12. Avatar

    cheng

    June 24, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    i have been going out on several dates with this nice guy,everything from his body actions showed he liked me and after the last date he started acting weird,not texting me,then i texted him and asked him why he went silent on me,he just replied you didn’t seem interested so i moved on…what did he mean by that.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 24, 2019 at 8:38 pm

      He felt that you were not interested in him. This may or may not have been the case. Regardless, he made the decision to no longer pursue this relationship. His response seemed short, so he may not be someone that you want to maintain a relationship with. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Cheng!

  13. Avatar

    Trinity Waters

    June 22, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 5 months, we’re 16 but mature for our age and I know for sure that I love him, when I think of my future I want him to be in it I really truly can’t imagine being without him but he has been confused lately neither one of us have loved before and he doesn’t know what he feels is love, one minute he says he for sure loves me then the next minute he says he doesn’t know and then he’ll say he wasn’t to work to us having a future how he wants one with me but then he’s saying how it’s scaring him which I understand why but I don’t know what to do he has tried to break up with me but then he says how every time he tries to do that how it feels wrong and how he can’t see himself without me he also says he wish he met me later in life so this has more of a chance to last but we both believe that if we keep trying it will last. He’s admitted that he’s never felt this way before and he’s scared of talking about the future so I told him I understand but just because I say I wasn’t to be with you forever it doesn’t mean we’re just settling down and planning everything out and he said it feels like that’s what I’m doing so I apologized but things are still rocky maybe I should just give him time like I tried but he always text me and says he does love me or he’ll call and say he misses me. I really need advice I’ve been having so many panic attacks and I don’t know what to do I just want to be with him how do I explain to him that I’m not planning out the future that I just know I want to spend my life with him

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 23, 2019 at 12:09 pm

      Sometimes, people are unable to commit early on because they just aren’t ready. If they are forced to commit or told that their partner expects it, it can even drive them away. It sounds like your boyfriend is not ready for anything serious, and telling him that you want to commit is terrifying him. The only real option is to back off and give him time. If he decides to date you again, wait at least a few months–and probably even longer before even bringing him a long-term commitment because it will be at least a few months before he is actually ready for that.

  14. Avatar

    Mo Cakes

    June 20, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    I’ve been seeing this dude the last 3months but been knowing him the last 10yrs everything has been great until the other day he says he needs to get his life together and we need to take things slow until he finds himself so me being me was like koo I got niggaz so i won’t hav to sneak he replied niggas? Well we can still fuck but with around. but i see him with another female the same day so I’m confused on how he needs to find himself but with another female same day but i ain’t no hater i juss looked an kept doing me. But I’m very confused about the whole situation

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 20, 2019 at 11:06 pm

      He has informed you of his feelings, and you saw him with another woman. It seems that this relationship has ended. If you are uncertain about the status of this relationship, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you are aware that this relationship is no longer viable, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Mo!

  15. Avatar

    Mel

    June 19, 2019 at 6:05 am

    The guy I’ve been seeing has been sending me mixed messages. I’ve just gotten back into dating (I’m a single mom to a toddler) and I’m a little bit rusty to be honest. I moved to a new city and started seeing a man who I had been friends with for 9 years. Due to certain problems with my situation, we’ve never gone out for a date alone. So we’ve always had dinner and a movie at my place with my child present, we’ve had to keep it PG.

    It’s been a year of seeing each other like this and we’ve only kissed for the first time a month ago. He said that he’s going slow because he’s mindful of the difficulties in my life. The problem
    Is that my child has started calling him Daddy but he’ll go days without talking to me, saying he’s busy. I’ve asked him outright several times whether he’s truly interested in me or not but his answers are very vague and he tends to deflect the question. He recently told me that the entire time we’ve been together, he hasn’t seen it as dating because we haven’t been able to go out just us, two.

    I was so shocked that he would say that and felt like “what have I been doing for the last year then?!”

    I still care about him so much but I’m just so confused by him because he did take the time to come by yesterday and cuddled me despite him having a busy schedule this week.

    Is this a lost cause? I’ve never had these issues with dating before and now I’m just so confused.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 20, 2019 at 2:18 pm

      The two of you share a strong social and emotional relationship. It is clear that he wants to progress this relationship on a physical level. However, he does not seem to understand that you have a child that needs attention. You should take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship, while keeping in mind that he is uncertain about this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Mel!

  16. Avatar

    Grecia zamudio

    June 16, 2019 at 9:24 am

    Hello everyone,me and my ex(now) dated for 5 years. It’s been a week since he told me he was confused and needed to be alone for some time to see if he is still in love with me. We live together so now I’m living with my parents. It seems that he lost love from one day to another. I’m having such a difficult time coping. He said nothing’s wrong with me but its him,he thinks he doesnt deserve no one because he’s cold and doesnt feel emotions. He said he needs to time to see if he gets that old feeling of missing me and not being able to be without me. At this time he doesnt feel that. He told me to put in my head that were over but he still has hope his heart will have that passion back. Any advice?

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 16, 2019 at 9:45 pm

      He is no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with you at this time. Determine what you want for your future without him. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. This will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Grecia!

      • Avatar

        Grecia zamudio

        June 18, 2019 at 3:45 pm

        Thank you!

  17. Avatar

    Sha

    June 11, 2019 at 8:18 am

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 5 months. I must say he’s pretty different from other guys. At times, he wasn’t being considerate about my feelings. Even when I was sulking, he didn’t really want to persuade me back with nice and sweet words (not overhyped sentences, just nice ones) he even said he hates it when I sulk. He often replies my texts very late and didn’t tell me the reason why he did that. He’s also a very addictive gamer especially PUBG and Mobile Legends. Before I wanted to sleep there are times I told him to finish his game so I could talk with him like spending time for each other but he’d coldly responds the opposite and prefer his games. He’s very new into love things as this is his first time being in one so mosy of the times I just let go if he ever hurts me bcs maybe he didn’t know how being a boyfriend is like. We often argue bcs I always told him what to do and what not when dating bcs he tends to spit out words that made my chest feel painful eventhough he did not mean it. Very very often i taught him and yes he improved every time and my love for him grows every day. Until recently I was pissed for a valid reason bcs he did not text me at all for 2 days. When I asked what happened, he suddenly said his love is gone, as in his emotions were lost. He said he felt empty. That was when I had experienced the most painful thing that has ever happened to me in my lifetime by your loved one. He was the one that assured me he always loves me and will never leave me and will never get bored of me. I was devastated. He said he needed time to think and confirm his feelings again. It has been almost 2 weeks since that happened and now I am still waiting for his answer (he would randomly text me by replying my Instagram stories like we are just friends) What should I do? Wait or make a move first about asking his feelings? Please help me, I’m suffering here. He is my first love and I love him very dearly. I already plan to have my future with him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 11, 2019 at 9:43 pm

      He has informed you that he is no longer interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. His feelings may change in the future, but you can not count on that. Make a decision about what you for for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Sha!

      • Avatar

        Sha

        June 12, 2019 at 3:29 am

        I guess we cannot expect everyone to stay in our life forever isn’t it? Bitter truth. Thank you for responding. Have a great day ahead asl well <3

        • web admin

          web admin

          June 12, 2019 at 9:12 pm

          Thank you for sharing your supportive comment. We look forward to hearing more of your insights and experiences in the future. Have a great day, Sha!

  18. Avatar

    Britney

    June 9, 2019 at 11:38 pm

    My guy friend we have been friends for almost a year. We have always always be appropriate and had healthy boundaries to where our friendship was only a platonic friendship despite him knowing that I had feelings for him. I put those feelings aside in order to stay friends bc at that time I needed a friend and also didn’t want to lose him. Oh it was so hard seeing him and falling deeper but keeping my feelings at bay for our friendship. I told him one day I love making him happy which in turn makes me happy and his response was wow I want to make you happy from now on now as well And he couldn’t wait. Recently after a lit night we had sex for the first time which happen to be my first time and of course things are different. He told me he loved me while we were having sex several times and that he just wants to make me happy and afterwards he says he does love me…I’m his friend and that We were having an intimate moment. Before the sex we were going to my dads wedding, he was my plus one not my date. So I asked him recently again hey um are you still wanting to go to the wedding, I’m just trying to be sure since before you were hesitate. He asks me when the wedding is, I told him the date and he says he just needs time. Give him more time. I understand we are friends so I don’t want him to or expect him to go if he doesn’t want to. He has already established to me that we are only friends and he doesn’t want a relationship but we’ve crossed so many boundaries they are so blurred and now I’m falling in love with him but now unlike before I can feel him pulling away which is causing me to pull away. I responded to him later on you know I’ll go alone forget about the wedding plus one question. He never responded. I’m thinking I’m losing my friend on account of us becoming intimate. What do I do? I’m trying to not seem clingy or attached by always giving him his space and let him contact me but I’m afraid if I do that I will never hear from him again. He’s already told me even recently that he always has my back no matter what. What if the sex was a deal breaker and that is no longer true. Panicking here. Want him in my life no matter how….

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 10, 2019 at 1:30 am

      The two of you are close friends. You have been intimate together. There are various reasons for his behaviors. The most important thing is that you want to remain his friend. Because of this, you should reach out to him. Attempt to spend additional time with him in person, as this will nourish your relationship. If the two of you do not communicate or spend time together, then your relationship will continue to drift apart. Have a great day, Brittany!

      • Avatar

        Brittany

        June 10, 2019 at 9:38 pm

        Thank you. This is actually what I thought we should do. Thank you again

        • web admin

          web admin

          June 10, 2019 at 11:59 pm

          Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We look forward to hearing more of your supportive comments in the future. Have a great day, Brittany!

        • Avatar

          Anita

          June 27, 2019 at 5:01 pm

          I have been going out with a guy for the past three months,we like eachother and decided to take things slow as he were hurt really bad in the past.He started opening up to me and started telling me little by little how he built a wall after his last relationship and as hes getting more and more closer to me,I am breaking down the wall brick by brick.Well I noticed everytime he starts opening up to me he kinda pulls back a bit so I asked him several times if he wants me to step out of the picture a bit so he can find himself but he always responded “No i don’t want you to”.Well he had a break down a couple of days ago and he told me that he was frustrated with life and he needs to find himself so I took that chance to tell him that I will step out of the picture for a bit for him to find himself.He said that he thinks it’s better that way for now but he doesn’t want me to go far away and that he just needs to find himself.I haven’t call him nor message him,do I sit around and wait? I’m scared and confused at the same time.

          • web admin

            web admin

            June 27, 2019 at 7:05 pm

            It seems that he needs to make a decision about what he wants for the future of this relationship. During this time, you should decide what time of person you want to maintain a relationship with. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Anita!

  19. Avatar

    Brittany Cheeks

    June 9, 2019 at 11:23 pm

    My guy friend we have been friends for almost a year. We have always always be appropriate and had healthy boundaries to where our friendship was only a platonic friendship. I told him one day I love making him happy which I’m turn makes me happy and his response was wow I want to make you happy from now on now. And he couldn’t wait. Recently after a lit night we had sex for the first time which happen to be my first time and of course things are different. He told me he loved me while we were having sex several times and that he wants to make me happy. and afterwards he says he does love me…I’m his friend and that We were having an intimate moment. Before the sex we were going to my dads wedding, he was my plus one not my date. So I asked him recently again hey um are you still wanting to go to the wedding, I’m just trying to be sure since before you were hesitate. He asks me when the wedding is, I told him the date and he says he just needs time. Give him more time. I understand we are friends so I don’t want him to or expect him to go if he doesn’t want to. He has already established to me that we are only friends and he doesn’t want a relationship but we’ve crossed so many boundaries they are so blurred and now I’m falling in love with him but now unlike before I can feel him pulling away which is causing me to pull away. I responded to him later on you know I’ll go alone forget about the wedding plus one question. He never responded. I’m thinking I’m losing my friend on account of us becoming intimate. What do I do? I’ve decided to give him his space and let him contact me but I’m afraid if I do that I will never hear from him again. He’s already told me even recently that he always has my back no matter what. What if the sex was a deal breaker and that is no longer true. Panicking here. Want him in my life no matter how….

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 10, 2019 at 1:30 am

      The two of you are close friends. You have been intimate together. There are various reasons for his behaviors. The most important thing is that you want to remain his friend. Because of this, you should reach out to him. Attempt to spend additional time with him in person, as this will nourish your relationship. If the two of you do not communicate or spend time together, then your relationship will continue to drift apart. Have a great day, Brittany!

  20. Avatar

    Nadia

    May 26, 2019 at 7:24 am

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now. He actually never puts in effort, he always tells me how busy he is with Band and helping out his parents. I started to say this to him, that he never does anything, and i told him that people make time for who they want to make time for. he was telling me he loves me, then he got distant, we talked over phone few time after this happened, but it is not the same. he does listen but when i asked if he really wants to be with me he responded with ‘i have to think about it’ and i was sad, scared. I knew that if he really thought about being with me at the first place he’d say yes, so why the ‘thinking about it?’ i also asked him to think about why he never gives in effort, why he doesn’t do anything or take time, and we made a deal that he comes on Friday to see me (we live far away from each other) and on Friday we decided to talk things through, but since the day we argued he hasn’t texted me anything nice… nothing when he goes to sleep (he used to text me something nice) and now there’s nothing. yesterday as i called, he said he does love me and care about me, but why does he act like that? he has no time and he doesn’t give in any effort, maybe have I been too panicky and have i contacted him too much? what should i do? i really don’t want to lose him, but idk what he will say on Friday and i’m scared to find out. he said that it is 50-50 chance on what he will think. And he wanted us to be normal until Friday, but it is not normal, i am stressed and hurt.. and all i get from his texts are ‘do you want to talk a little?’
    I really don’t know what to expect and what to do until Friday.
    We do laugh when we talk on the phone, he did cry when i was talking about us breaking up and i showed him a present for him and he was so happy about it and also mad cause it was visibly expensive.. but i’m so confused on what he has to think and why does he have to think if he wants me…

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 27, 2019 at 5:49 pm

      It seems as though he is determining what he wants for the future of your relationship. His behavior is inappropriate, as he is forcing you to wait for him to make a decision. It is possible that he is going to end this relationship. Make a decision about what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Nadia!

      • Avatar

        Renee

        June 22, 2019 at 10:57 pm

        My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 5 months, we’re 16 but mature for our age and I know for sure that I love him, when I think of my future I want him to be in it I really truly can’t imagine being without him but he has been confused lately neither one of us have loved before and he doesn’t know what he feels is love, one minute he says he for sure loves me then the next minute he says he doesn’t know and then he’ll say he wasn’t to work to us having a future how he wants one with me but then he’s saying how it’s scaring him which I understand why but I don’t know what to do he has tried to break up with me but then he says how every time he tries to do that how it feels wrong and how he can’t see himself without me he also says he wish he met me later in life so this has more of a chance to last but we both believe that if we keep trying it will last. He’s admitted that he’s never felt this way before and he’s scared of talking about the future so I told him I understand but just because I say I wasn’t to be with you forever it doesn’t mean we’re just settling down and planning everything out and he said it feels like that’s what I’m doing so I apologized but things are still rocky maybe I should just give him time like I tried but he always text me and says he does love me or he’ll call and say he misses me. I really need advice I’ve been having so many panic attacks and I don’t know what to do I just want to be with him how do I explain to him that I’m not planning out the future that I just know I want to spend my life with him

        • web admin

          web admin

          June 23, 2019 at 12:10 pm

          It seems like you may have commented twice on this one. I have to answer and approve each comment individually, so it can sometimes take me a while to get around to answering all of them. If you do not see a response right away, don’t worry because you will. Read through my first response and let me know if you have any other questions. Thanks for commenting!

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