What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He’s Confused and He Needs Time to Think?

By on August 14, 2018

One of the worst things that can happen to a woman is this: you’re in a seemingly great relationship with some dreamy guy you can’t get enough of. You went on a hot date last night and it was a hit! However, you woke up today only to hear the dreaded words: “I’m confused and just need some time to think about things”. Uhhh, what? It’s a joke right? Unfortunately not, and it is gut-wrenching. But before you flip out and wonder what’s wrong with you, let’s take a look at what this may actually mean.

Boyfriend Says He Needs Time to Think

Reasons He May Say the Dreaded Words We Never Want to Hear

He is Genuinely Scared

Let’s face it: relationships can be, well, rather scary. When you feel like you are falling in love with someone and they’re taking up your time and thoughts constantly, you can feel overwhelmed. And in some cases a man may start to feel this way when he is falling deeply in love with you. He needs to take some time to think about what love is and if he is really ready to dive in and be with a woman full time and let his emotions overtake him.

He Needs to Reclaim His Masculinity

When a man falls in love with a woman, he lets his guard down. All of the sudden he is a romantic lovey-dovey sap, and when a man realizes this he can become somewhat bothered, feeling like his masculinity is being taken from him. Yes, it is kind of silly, but men are all about being macho and strong and impressing females. If he feels like he is becoming to emotionally powered and feeling weak giving into his loving emotions, he may want to take a step back to simply redeem his testosterone levels.

He’s Not Interested

This is the one we all dread hearing, but unfortunately sometimes being ‘confused’ and ‘needing time to think’ are code words for ‘I am not interested and I may even be interested in another woman already’. If this is the case, it’s important to remember there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes relationships simply do not work out and the spark dies off; or in some cases, was never there in the first place.

reasons why your man wants space and what to do about it

How You Need to React

Don’t Panic

How you react to a man saying he’s confused and needs time to think is imperative. Show him you’re not crazy and not all about him. Show him you can be independent and strong and DO NOT PANIC! Yes it’s terrible to hear, but panicking and over-thinking is NOT going to help you in the slightest. Remain calm and stay cool- it is way more attractive than being the ‘crazy’ girl he never wants to see again.

Leave Him Alone

You certainly do not want to portray yourself as being desperate. Show him that you’re a strong woman that can live without him and he may become more attracted to you and realize you’re the woman of his dreams. On the other hand, leaving him alone will give you time to relax and GET OVER HIM! If he isn’t so sure about you, then don’t waste your time trying to win him back. There is a man out there who knows for sure that he loves you and it won’t confuse him to feel loving emotions.

What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He's Confused and He Needs Time to Think

Pull Back and Let Him Come to You

Keeping your distance from him and actually allowing him time to think can be the best thing for your relationship. Sometimes people truly just need some time to sit back, relax, and assess the situation. Pulling away from him and showing him you can give him his space without freaking out is a great way to handle the situation. When he decides he wants to be with you, let him come to you- and let him work for it. Show him you weren’t just waiting around for his answer. Have him come to you, never go to him begging for him to make up his mind and be with you.

Have you ever heard a man tell you that he is confused and needs time to think? How did you handle the situation and how did the relationship ultimately work out? We would love to hear some stories! BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER: DON’T PANIC! Sometimes people just need a breather!

71 Comments

  1. Avatar

    cheng

    June 24, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    i have been going out on several dates with this nice guy,everything from his body actions showed he liked me and after the last date he started acting weird,not texting me,then i texted him and asked him why he went silent on me,he just replied you didn’t seem interested so i moved on…what did he mean by that.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 24, 2019 at 8:38 pm

      He felt that you were not interested in him. This may or may not have been the case. Regardless, he made the decision to no longer pursue this relationship. His response seemed short, so he may not be someone that you want to maintain a relationship with. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Cheng!

  2. Avatar

    Trinity Waters

    June 22, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 5 months, we’re 16 but mature for our age and I know for sure that I love him, when I think of my future I want him to be in it I really truly can’t imagine being without him but he has been confused lately neither one of us have loved before and he doesn’t know what he feels is love, one minute he says he for sure loves me then the next minute he says he doesn’t know and then he’ll say he wasn’t to work to us having a future how he wants one with me but then he’s saying how it’s scaring him which I understand why but I don’t know what to do he has tried to break up with me but then he says how every time he tries to do that how it feels wrong and how he can’t see himself without me he also says he wish he met me later in life so this has more of a chance to last but we both believe that if we keep trying it will last. He’s admitted that he’s never felt this way before and he’s scared of talking about the future so I told him I understand but just because I say I wasn’t to be with you forever it doesn’t mean we’re just settling down and planning everything out and he said it feels like that’s what I’m doing so I apologized but things are still rocky maybe I should just give him time like I tried but he always text me and says he does love me or he’ll call and say he misses me. I really need advice I’ve been having so many panic attacks and I don’t know what to do I just want to be with him how do I explain to him that I’m not planning out the future that I just know I want to spend my life with him

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 23, 2019 at 12:09 pm

      Sometimes, people are unable to commit early on because they just aren’t ready. If they are forced to commit or told that their partner expects it, it can even drive them away. It sounds like your boyfriend is not ready for anything serious, and telling him that you want to commit is terrifying him. The only real option is to back off and give him time. If he decides to date you again, wait at least a few months–and probably even longer before even bringing him a long-term commitment because it will be at least a few months before he is actually ready for that.

  3. Avatar

    Mo Cakes

    June 20, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    I’ve been seeing this dude the last 3months but been knowing him the last 10yrs everything has been great until the other day he says he needs to get his life together and we need to take things slow until he finds himself so me being me was like koo I got niggaz so i won’t hav to sneak he replied niggas? Well we can still fuck but with around. but i see him with another female the same day so I’m confused on how he needs to find himself but with another female same day but i ain’t no hater i juss looked an kept doing me. But I’m very confused about the whole situation

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 20, 2019 at 11:06 pm

      He has informed you of his feelings, and you saw him with another woman. It seems that this relationship has ended. If you are uncertain about the status of this relationship, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you are aware that this relationship is no longer viable, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Mo!

  4. Avatar

    Mel

    June 19, 2019 at 6:05 am

    The guy I’ve been seeing has been sending me mixed messages. I’ve just gotten back into dating (I’m a single mom to a toddler) and I’m a little bit rusty to be honest. I moved to a new city and started seeing a man who I had been friends with for 9 years. Due to certain problems with my situation, we’ve never gone out for a date alone. So we’ve always had dinner and a movie at my place with my child present, we’ve had to keep it PG.

    It’s been a year of seeing each other like this and we’ve only kissed for the first time a month ago. He said that he’s going slow because he’s mindful of the difficulties in my life. The problem
    Is that my child has started calling him Daddy but he’ll go days without talking to me, saying he’s busy. I’ve asked him outright several times whether he’s truly interested in me or not but his answers are very vague and he tends to deflect the question. He recently told me that the entire time we’ve been together, he hasn’t seen it as dating because we haven’t been able to go out just us, two.

    I was so shocked that he would say that and felt like “what have I been doing for the last year then?!”

    I still care about him so much but I’m just so confused by him because he did take the time to come by yesterday and cuddled me despite him having a busy schedule this week.

    Is this a lost cause? I’ve never had these issues with dating before and now I’m just so confused.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 20, 2019 at 2:18 pm

      The two of you share a strong social and emotional relationship. It is clear that he wants to progress this relationship on a physical level. However, he does not seem to understand that you have a child that needs attention. You should take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship, while keeping in mind that he is uncertain about this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Mel!

  5. Avatar

    Grecia zamudio

    June 16, 2019 at 9:24 am

    Hello everyone,me and my ex(now) dated for 5 years. It’s been a week since he told me he was confused and needed to be alone for some time to see if he is still in love with me. We live together so now I’m living with my parents. It seems that he lost love from one day to another. I’m having such a difficult time coping. He said nothing’s wrong with me but its him,he thinks he doesnt deserve no one because he’s cold and doesnt feel emotions. He said he needs to time to see if he gets that old feeling of missing me and not being able to be without me. At this time he doesnt feel that. He told me to put in my head that were over but he still has hope his heart will have that passion back. Any advice?

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 16, 2019 at 9:45 pm

      He is no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with you at this time. Determine what you want for your future without him. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. This will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Grecia!

      • Avatar

        Grecia zamudio

        June 18, 2019 at 3:45 pm

        Thank you!

  6. Avatar

    Sha

    June 11, 2019 at 8:18 am

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 5 months. I must say he’s pretty different from other guys. At times, he wasn’t being considerate about my feelings. Even when I was sulking, he didn’t really want to persuade me back with nice and sweet words (not overhyped sentences, just nice ones) he even said he hates it when I sulk. He often replies my texts very late and didn’t tell me the reason why he did that. He’s also a very addictive gamer especially PUBG and Mobile Legends. Before I wanted to sleep there are times I told him to finish his game so I could talk with him like spending time for each other but he’d coldly responds the opposite and prefer his games. He’s very new into love things as this is his first time being in one so mosy of the times I just let go if he ever hurts me bcs maybe he didn’t know how being a boyfriend is like. We often argue bcs I always told him what to do and what not when dating bcs he tends to spit out words that made my chest feel painful eventhough he did not mean it. Very very often i taught him and yes he improved every time and my love for him grows every day. Until recently I was pissed for a valid reason bcs he did not text me at all for 2 days. When I asked what happened, he suddenly said his love is gone, as in his emotions were lost. He said he felt empty. That was when I had experienced the most painful thing that has ever happened to me in my lifetime by your loved one. He was the one that assured me he always loves me and will never leave me and will never get bored of me. I was devastated. He said he needed time to think and confirm his feelings again. It has been almost 2 weeks since that happened and now I am still waiting for his answer (he would randomly text me by replying my Instagram stories like we are just friends) What should I do? Wait or make a move first about asking his feelings? Please help me, I’m suffering here. He is my first love and I love him very dearly. I already plan to have my future with him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 11, 2019 at 9:43 pm

      He has informed you that he is no longer interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. His feelings may change in the future, but you can not count on that. Make a decision about what you for for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Sha!

      • Avatar

        Sha

        June 12, 2019 at 3:29 am

        I guess we cannot expect everyone to stay in our life forever isn’t it? Bitter truth. Thank you for responding. Have a great day ahead asl well <3

        • web admin

          web admin

          June 12, 2019 at 9:12 pm

          Thank you for sharing your supportive comment. We look forward to hearing more of your insights and experiences in the future. Have a great day, Sha!

  7. Avatar

    Britney

    June 9, 2019 at 11:38 pm

    My guy friend we have been friends for almost a year. We have always always be appropriate and had healthy boundaries to where our friendship was only a platonic friendship despite him knowing that I had feelings for him. I put those feelings aside in order to stay friends bc at that time I needed a friend and also didn’t want to lose him. Oh it was so hard seeing him and falling deeper but keeping my feelings at bay for our friendship. I told him one day I love making him happy which in turn makes me happy and his response was wow I want to make you happy from now on now as well And he couldn’t wait. Recently after a lit night we had sex for the first time which happen to be my first time and of course things are different. He told me he loved me while we were having sex several times and that he just wants to make me happy and afterwards he says he does love me…I’m his friend and that We were having an intimate moment. Before the sex we were going to my dads wedding, he was my plus one not my date. So I asked him recently again hey um are you still wanting to go to the wedding, I’m just trying to be sure since before you were hesitate. He asks me when the wedding is, I told him the date and he says he just needs time. Give him more time. I understand we are friends so I don’t want him to or expect him to go if he doesn’t want to. He has already established to me that we are only friends and he doesn’t want a relationship but we’ve crossed so many boundaries they are so blurred and now I’m falling in love with him but now unlike before I can feel him pulling away which is causing me to pull away. I responded to him later on you know I’ll go alone forget about the wedding plus one question. He never responded. I’m thinking I’m losing my friend on account of us becoming intimate. What do I do? I’m trying to not seem clingy or attached by always giving him his space and let him contact me but I’m afraid if I do that I will never hear from him again. He’s already told me even recently that he always has my back no matter what. What if the sex was a deal breaker and that is no longer true. Panicking here. Want him in my life no matter how….

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 10, 2019 at 1:30 am

      The two of you are close friends. You have been intimate together. There are various reasons for his behaviors. The most important thing is that you want to remain his friend. Because of this, you should reach out to him. Attempt to spend additional time with him in person, as this will nourish your relationship. If the two of you do not communicate or spend time together, then your relationship will continue to drift apart. Have a great day, Brittany!

      • Avatar

        Brittany

        June 10, 2019 at 9:38 pm

        Thank you. This is actually what I thought we should do. Thank you again

        • web admin

          web admin

          June 10, 2019 at 11:59 pm

          Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We look forward to hearing more of your supportive comments in the future. Have a great day, Brittany!

  8. Avatar

    Brittany Cheeks

    June 9, 2019 at 11:23 pm

    My guy friend we have been friends for almost a year. We have always always be appropriate and had healthy boundaries to where our friendship was only a platonic friendship. I told him one day I love making him happy which I’m turn makes me happy and his response was wow I want to make you happy from now on now. And he couldn’t wait. Recently after a lit night we had sex for the first time which happen to be my first time and of course things are different. He told me he loved me while we were having sex several times and that he wants to make me happy. and afterwards he says he does love me…I’m his friend and that We were having an intimate moment. Before the sex we were going to my dads wedding, he was my plus one not my date. So I asked him recently again hey um are you still wanting to go to the wedding, I’m just trying to be sure since before you were hesitate. He asks me when the wedding is, I told him the date and he says he just needs time. Give him more time. I understand we are friends so I don’t want him to or expect him to go if he doesn’t want to. He has already established to me that we are only friends and he doesn’t want a relationship but we’ve crossed so many boundaries they are so blurred and now I’m falling in love with him but now unlike before I can feel him pulling away which is causing me to pull away. I responded to him later on you know I’ll go alone forget about the wedding plus one question. He never responded. I’m thinking I’m losing my friend on account of us becoming intimate. What do I do? I’ve decided to give him his space and let him contact me but I’m afraid if I do that I will never hear from him again. He’s already told me even recently that he always has my back no matter what. What if the sex was a deal breaker and that is no longer true. Panicking here. Want him in my life no matter how….

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 10, 2019 at 1:30 am

      The two of you are close friends. You have been intimate together. There are various reasons for his behaviors. The most important thing is that you want to remain his friend. Because of this, you should reach out to him. Attempt to spend additional time with him in person, as this will nourish your relationship. If the two of you do not communicate or spend time together, then your relationship will continue to drift apart. Have a great day, Brittany!

  9. Avatar

    Nadia

    May 26, 2019 at 7:24 am

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now. He actually never puts in effort, he always tells me how busy he is with Band and helping out his parents. I started to say this to him, that he never does anything, and i told him that people make time for who they want to make time for. he was telling me he loves me, then he got distant, we talked over phone few time after this happened, but it is not the same. he does listen but when i asked if he really wants to be with me he responded with ‘i have to think about it’ and i was sad, scared. I knew that if he really thought about being with me at the first place he’d say yes, so why the ‘thinking about it?’ i also asked him to think about why he never gives in effort, why he doesn’t do anything or take time, and we made a deal that he comes on Friday to see me (we live far away from each other) and on Friday we decided to talk things through, but since the day we argued he hasn’t texted me anything nice… nothing when he goes to sleep (he used to text me something nice) and now there’s nothing. yesterday as i called, he said he does love me and care about me, but why does he act like that? he has no time and he doesn’t give in any effort, maybe have I been too panicky and have i contacted him too much? what should i do? i really don’t want to lose him, but idk what he will say on Friday and i’m scared to find out. he said that it is 50-50 chance on what he will think. And he wanted us to be normal until Friday, but it is not normal, i am stressed and hurt.. and all i get from his texts are ‘do you want to talk a little?’
    I really don’t know what to expect and what to do until Friday.
    We do laugh when we talk on the phone, he did cry when i was talking about us breaking up and i showed him a present for him and he was so happy about it and also mad cause it was visibly expensive.. but i’m so confused on what he has to think and why does he have to think if he wants me…

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 27, 2019 at 5:49 pm

      It seems as though he is determining what he wants for the future of your relationship. His behavior is inappropriate, as he is forcing you to wait for him to make a decision. It is possible that he is going to end this relationship. Make a decision about what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Nadia!

      • Avatar

        Renee

        June 22, 2019 at 10:57 pm

        My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 5 months, we’re 16 but mature for our age and I know for sure that I love him, when I think of my future I want him to be in it I really truly can’t imagine being without him but he has been confused lately neither one of us have loved before and he doesn’t know what he feels is love, one minute he says he for sure loves me then the next minute he says he doesn’t know and then he’ll say he wasn’t to work to us having a future how he wants one with me but then he’s saying how it’s scaring him which I understand why but I don’t know what to do he has tried to break up with me but then he says how every time he tries to do that how it feels wrong and how he can’t see himself without me he also says he wish he met me later in life so this has more of a chance to last but we both believe that if we keep trying it will last. He’s admitted that he’s never felt this way before and he’s scared of talking about the future so I told him I understand but just because I say I wasn’t to be with you forever it doesn’t mean we’re just settling down and planning everything out and he said it feels like that’s what I’m doing so I apologized but things are still rocky maybe I should just give him time like I tried but he always text me and says he does love me or he’ll call and say he misses me. I really need advice I’ve been having so many panic attacks and I don’t know what to do I just want to be with him how do I explain to him that I’m not planning out the future that I just know I want to spend my life with him

        • web admin

          web admin

          June 23, 2019 at 12:10 pm

          It seems like you may have commented twice on this one. I have to answer and approve each comment individually, so it can sometimes take me a while to get around to answering all of them. If you do not see a response right away, don’t worry because you will. Read through my first response and let me know if you have any other questions. Thanks for commenting!

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