What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He’s Confused and He Needs Time to Think?

By on August 14, 2018

One of the worst things that can happen to a woman is this: you’re in a seemingly great relationship with some dreamy guy you can’t get enough of. You went on a hot date last night and it was a hit! However, you woke up today only to hear the dreaded words: “I’m confused and just need some time to think about things”. Uhhh, what? It’s a joke right? Unfortunately not, and it is gut-wrenching. But before you flip out and wonder what’s wrong with you, let’s take a look at what this may actually mean.

Boyfriend Says He Needs Time to Think

Reasons He May Say the Dreaded Words We Never Want to Hear

He is Genuinely Scared

Let’s face it: relationships can be, well, rather scary. When you feel like you are falling in love with someone and they’re taking up your time and thoughts constantly, you can feel overwhelmed. And in some cases a man may start to feel this way when he is falling deeply in love with you. He needs to take some time to think about what love is and if he is really ready to dive in and be with a woman full time and let his emotions overtake him.

He Needs to Reclaim His Masculinity

When a man falls in love with a woman, he lets his guard down. All of the sudden he is a romantic lovey-dovey sap, and when a man realizes this he can become somewhat bothered, feeling like his masculinity is being taken from him. Yes, it is kind of silly, but men are all about being macho and strong and impressing females. If he feels like he is becoming to emotionally powered and feeling weak giving into his loving emotions, he may want to take a step back to simply redeem his testosterone levels.

He’s Not Interested

This is the one we all dread hearing, but unfortunately sometimes being ‘confused’ and ‘needing time to think’ are code words for ‘I am not interested and I may even be interested in another woman already’. If this is the case, it’s important to remember there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes relationships simply do not work out and the spark dies off; or in some cases, was never there in the first place.

reasons why your man wants space and what to do about it

How You Need to React

Don’t Panic

How you react to a man saying he’s confused and needs time to think is imperative. Show him you’re not crazy and not all about him. Show him you can be independent and strong and DO NOT PANIC! Yes it’s terrible to hear, but panicking and over-thinking is NOT going to help you in the slightest. Remain calm and stay cool- it is way more attractive than being the ‘crazy’ girl he never wants to see again.

Leave Him Alone

You certainly do not want to portray yourself as being desperate. Show him that you’re a strong woman that can live without him and he may become more attracted to you and realize you’re the woman of his dreams. On the other hand, leaving him alone will give you time to relax and GET OVER HIM! If he isn’t so sure about you, then don’t waste your time trying to win him back. There is a man out there who knows for sure that he loves you and it won’t confuse him to feel loving emotions.

What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He's Confused and He Needs Time to Think

Pull Back and Let Him Come to You

Keeping your distance from him and actually allowing him time to think can be the best thing for your relationship. Sometimes people truly just need some time to sit back, relax, and assess the situation. Pulling away from him and showing him you can give him his space without freaking out is a great way to handle the situation. When he decides he wants to be with you, let him come to you- and let him work for it. Show him you weren’t just waiting around for his answer. Have him come to you, never go to him begging for him to make up his mind and be with you.

Have you ever heard a man tell you that he is confused and needs time to think? How did you handle the situation and how did the relationship ultimately work out? We would love to hear some stories! BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER: DON’T PANIC! Sometimes people just need a breather!

131 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Laura

    September 12, 2019 at 3:56 pm

    My boyfriend, well, ex boyfriend as of yesterday, and I have been together for 3 months. Things were great in the beginning as it always does, and we spent our entire summer together. He started his second year of college and I started my first last month. And yes it has been stressful for both of us. Over the last month we have been arguing, and it would happen not all the time but sometimes quite frequently. Over dumb things. And whenever there was an issue, he told me to tell him so we could fix it because he was going to “fight like hell for something so perfect” so I did. But I was doing things that hurt him like my arguing or me showing a lack of trust. But he never came to me and told me he needed me to stop. Or it was an issue to him. He let it build up and then he started questioning our relationship without even telling me. Two days ago, we talked on the phone because the night before I told him I wished he was there for me more. When we talked on the phone, I spilled my heart out apologizing because I spent my entire day thinking and putting the pieces together. I was in the wrong and I knew what I needed to fix and change. I had changed from an outgoing, funny, sunshiny person to a cloudy stressed under the weather person. I turned this way because of things completely unrelated to him. But that night he broke up with me after I spilled my guts, and he told me he didn’t know what he wanted and didn’t know if he saw me in his future as anything but a friend. He said hurtful things like, “I don’t know if I loved you as much as I thought” but then he would say, “I loved you every minute of our relationship” so I lost myself and said bad things and thought it was the end until yesterday, we talked on the phone twice and talked calmly and I explained everything to him and told him how I felt and what I wanted and I couldn’t of made it any better of a speech to him. We even laughed about some things. He told me he was so stressed because of school that he didn’t know what he wanted and he doesn’t want to argue anymore. He doesn’t want hurt and he doesn’t wanna hurt me. So I mentioned going on a break, or getting back together and trying again but doing things right. This is the first bump in the road, and you shouldn’t give up like that. So he told me he would come home this weekend and spend time with his family and think about what he wants and make a decision… I am so lost right now. I want him to be happy, but I don’t want him making rash decisions If his mind is all screwy. I need help figuring this out… I’m miserable.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2019 at 8:36 pm

      The two of you decided to end your relationship, though it seems like the two of you are still navigating this relationship. It seems that your personality changed due to this relationship, which is likely an indicator of what this relationship has done to you. You may find benefit in ending this relationship. Make a decision about what you want for this relationship, and speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Laura!

  2. Avatar

    Sofia

    September 12, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    My boyfriend and I are both 30. I met him 4 months after he had gotten out of a 4 year relationdhip. I was hesitant as a result but he told me he was ready, and even though in the back of my mind I always had this insecurity, the relationship progressed to the point of almost moving in together. It’s been about 9 months now. It has been Rocky but there has also been love. Recently we have fought a lot. I had even tried leaving him at one point but then we decided to try fixing things to see if they could get back on track.

    Then he became extremely insecure and jealous and claiming he was afraid of losing me or afraid if not being able to give me the love I deserve.

    Eventually this lead to an open discussion in which finally I got him to open up and explain his doubts (regarding moving in together, eventually marriage, and maybe he needed more time to be single and basically play the field)

    I said if that’s what he needs to do then to go do it and thanked him for being open. He said he didn’t want to break up and lose me to another guy. I asked if he could honestly love me having these doubts. He claimed they would pass etc etc.

    He said he wanted to be with me and was just confused and asked if I wanted to be with him. I didn’t answer until the next morning saying thank you again and I’m sorry but I need someone who is sure of me. Some if the doubts we could work through together but others perhaps he needs time on his own. In any case the doubts need to stop in order for us to move forward.

    He continues asking for a break.. I say I don’t believe in it and I apologized fkr my behavior leading to this point and if he needs time to figure himself out then go.

    In which he responded again about other guys and finally said he needed just some days alone to think. I said ok. He texted me that night. I told him not a good idea if he wants space. Next day I asked to clarify space. He came over and in two seconds said he wants to be with me and has these strange thoughts that maybe he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. So I said we’ll, it’s up to you. He said no I want to be with you.

    We hung out. He left and texted me a lot later that night.

    Next day I was thinking a lot and it felt strange to be with someone that wasn’t sure if he was ready, regardless of what he had said, so I called him and asked if maybe it was better to break up if he still wasn’t sure. He explained he wants to see how he feels that it’s not me (yeah right). And just wants some time alone. So I said ok. He apologized saying he was sorry but needs to do this. I said don’t worry, it’s ok. I love you and wanted to work through things together but maybe you’re right and it’s best like this.

    We have agreed to meet on Sunday after the weekend.

    But I’m not hopeful. He is a good guy and I get someone us confused. But I’ve been on the other end.. I think he is afraid to lose me even though he really wants to be single. And now after our fights etc probably he sees me badly and therefore the appeal to be single is stronger. I know its a mistake, but I also know I can’t make him see anything and I certainly don’t want to convince anyone to stay with me.

    Its too bad though! There was so much potential.
    And I’m 30…im also afraid not to find anyone!

    But we will see on Sunday how it goes.

    Thanks for your article 🙂

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2019 at 8:31 pm

      The two of you maintained a relationship together, and he started feeling insecure and jealous. He shared his thoughts and feelings with you, but it is clear that he was confused. You will see him on Sunday, so the two of you should make a decision at that time. If he is noncommittal, then end this relationship and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Sofia!

  3. Avatar

    Laura

    September 12, 2019 at 2:11 pm

    My boyfriend of 3 months just went off to his second year of college and I just started my first year. We spent the summer together but we both got stressed and started arguing about little things. A month into school, things would be fine then the next day they wouldn’t be. Up until a few days ago when we talked on the phone and he broke up with me saying he doesn’t know what he wants. But I talked to him calmly yesterday and asked what was wrong and he said he is so stressed he doesn’t know what he wants, what he needs or what to do. If we take a break, he’s scared I won’t love him anymore or it will turn out we aren’t meant to be after all. But the problems are simple and an easy fix in my eyes, we both need to be better for each other and it doesn’t require a whole lot of time. But I’m so scared I’m going to lose him for good. I need help.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2019 at 8:29 pm

      The two of you have maintained a short relationship, and you seem to argue about simple things. The two of you are both going to school, which likely is a sign that you both are focusing on your education. He has informed you that he is uncertain about what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. The two of you may decide that it is best to focus on your educations. Have a great day, Laura!

  4. Avatar

    Ju

    September 11, 2019 at 6:40 am

    Ive been seeing a chap I knew from work a few yrs ago, I left that job then a few yrs later I met him in asda he wanted my mobile number to keep in contact, he was then going through a divorce. Anyway been with him 15 months. But since the divorce has been finalized. He said he was now confused about what he wants out of life. But he had quoted a couple of times while we were together about when we grow old together ect.I don’t get it,we seemed to get on very well enjoying each other’s company. But I must add I never met he’s parent’s or siblings in the 15 months ! Did meet hes 3 grown up kids briefly so not sure, he does come around twice a week for coffee & a chat but can’t answer any questions on how he feels about us,he says he gets emotional.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2019 at 3:57 pm

      His divorce was finalized, and now he is uncertain about what he wants for his future. He shared his thoughts and feelings with you. It seems that you want to maintain a relationship with him, so speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you again. If he is still uncertain about this relationship, then inform him that you need an answer. You have a life to live, and you shouldn’t be held back by the uncertainties of someone else. Have a great day, Ju!

  5. Avatar

    Josefine

    September 2, 2019 at 6:46 am

    I have been together with my boyfriend for 3 years now. The first 2 years we had a long distance relationship because I was studying and living in another city. Last year I moved in to his apartment and I got a job as a hairdresser. In June this year I quitted my job because of to much responsibilities and stress, I got exhausted! since then he apparently have been having doubts and they got stronger towards the “end” (I had no clue about this, cause he was sweeter than ever towards me) it’s been a week since I saw and last talked to him, but what happened is he basically broke up with me, then 1 hour later called me and didn’t want the break up? Just time and space to think? I feel like I’m in limbo now and I’m trying to put the focus on myself but where should I go from here? I heard a lot about the “no contact rule” and I’ve decided not to contact him at least until he reaches out.. We never fight, but I’m scared that I have been to clingy and needy the last months of our relationship.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 2, 2019 at 9:20 pm

      He made the decision to end your relationship. You have made the wide choice to not reach out to him. If he reaches out to you, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. You will find great benefit in allowing thoughts of him to fade. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere, and determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Josefire!

  6. Avatar

    pota

    August 31, 2019 at 5:20 am

    he told me he needed space a week ago,I reacted the wrong way, I called him and texted severally like for 4days, then I just stopped. I have given up now…but he told me he just needs time, he’s confused because I yelled at his friends..

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 1, 2019 at 9:34 pm

      He informed you that he needed space, and this was due to your decision to yell at his friends. After he informed you that he needed space, you chose to react the wrong way. Give him the space that he requested. If he makes the decision to reach out to you in the future, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. If he does not speak with you, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Apply the knowledge from your mistakes to your future relationships, and ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Pota!

  7. Avatar

    Christy

    August 26, 2019 at 10:05 pm

    My boyfriend of 4.5 months broke up with me two weeks ago. I truly didn’t see it coming. We had a great weekend (I thought!) together the last time we were together. Even just a few days before, he asked me to go to a friend’s house for a game night in a couple weeks, we talked about introducing our kids into the relationship by all of us going camping next month, he sent a 😙 (kissing face) in one of his last texts to me, many other little things that to me indicated he was still thinking forward. Then, the next thing I know, he’s telling me he feels like I’m putting in more effort than he is, that he’s not sure he wants to be in a relationship, that he wants to focus on him and his son and that it isn’t fair to me. I responded simply “okay.” Then later that day left one voicemail message that thanked him for being honest and respectful and that while that’s obviously not where I thought things were going that I wished him well. There has been NO contact since. I do also know that that same week his son’s mom dropped a huge emotional bomb on him. I’m not sure if that had something to do with it or not, because of course he didn’t express that to me. I truly feel like we were set up for such an amazing future and I just didn’t see this coming. I feel like I’ve handled the break up very well and have not expressed my distress or sadness to him at all. The other twist is that I will have to see him at least several times a week because I am a teacher at the school where his son will attend this fall (though not in my classroom). I am SO heartbroken, but I am trying to make the most loving and positive choices that I can because I would really like to renew the relationship if at all possible. Thanks for your insight. CD

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 27, 2019 at 6:16 pm

      Your boyfriend made the decision to end your relationships. He informed you that he no longer wanted to maintain a romantic relationship with you. After your voicemail, the two of you have no decided to speak with each other. You have handled the breakup well, and you are aware of the benefits of focusing your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Christy!

      • Avatar

        Confused

        September 11, 2019 at 6:38 am

        Ive been seeing a chap I knew from work a few yrs ago, I left that job then a few yrs later I met him in asda he wanted my mobile number to keep in contact, he was then going through a divorce. Anyway been with him 15 months. But since the divorce has been finalized. He said he was now confused about what he wants out of life. But he had quoted a couple of times while we were together about when we grow old together ect.I don’t get it,we seemed to get on very well enjoying each other’s company. But I must add I never met he’s parent’s or siblings in the 15 months ! Did meet hes 3 grown up kids briefly so not sure, he does come around twice a week for coffee & a chat but can’t answer any questions on how he feels about us,he says he gets emotional.

        • web admin

          web admin

          September 12, 2019 at 3:57 pm

          His divorce was finalized, and now he is uncertain about what he wants for his future. He shared his thoughts and feelings with you. It seems that you want to maintain a relationship with him, so speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you again. If he is still uncertain about this relationship, then inform him that you need an answer. You have a life to live, and you shouldn’t be held back by the uncertainties of someone else. Have a great day, Anon!

  8. Avatar

    Pistalau

    August 17, 2019 at 11:20 pm

    We re together for 4 months now and he told me he is confused and doesn t love me that much anymore like he used to do before ,he said he s bored of our routine together and he would like other things. Now he sais he wants time alone and the other minute he loves me and wants to see and stay with me. In the first month together I liked another boy besides him and they were friends i regret that but he said he remember and that s the reason he s cold and distant
    He said he is really sorry and he wants to be everything like before, i can see that he wants to change and love me more but i don’t know how to help
    Also i let my parets a lot to be part of my relationship and we we re doing the same exact things almost daily for 1 month.
    When he started to be cold he said he had been thinking about her ex break up messages ,she was his first love and then a week later i hear that he doesn t love me that much anymore ..i asked him if this is the matter and he said it s not ,he doesn t care anymore..He also said he s full of us being forced sometimes with eachother like we change in function of how one another likes to be and he said he had to much expectations from me
    What do you think is the matter and what should i to to help him cause he asks me to be alone then the nect our he texts me and want to see me and he makes me confused too..He wants me to help him but how?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 18, 2019 at 10:08 pm

      He has informed you of his feelings. He is no longer interested in maintaining a relationship based on respect and love. You may choose to continue to treat him as a friend, as it is always beneficial to share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. However, he has shown you that he is not a viable partner. Speak with your parents about your thoughts and feelings, and make a decision based on their input as well. Have a great day, Pistalau!

  9. Avatar

    Dawn

    August 15, 2019 at 6:55 am

    Been seeing this guy on & off for 8 years. Moved into his own place about a year ago and things have changed drastically. Now we go days without talking or seeing each other. He takes 24+ hours to respond. I honestly don’t know what to do. I am beyond heart broken. Avoiding him is next to impossible bc we live in the same town & our kids go to school together today he told me he can’t help me with s legal issue( that he offered to help with I didn’t ask) bc it would be unethical bc things have gotten too confused. Yet helped with an issue last year when all these changes between us started. I’m st a total loss & don’t know how to fix this

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 15, 2019 at 4:49 pm

      The two of you are not living together, and you feel that there is uncertainty regarding your relationship. You are confused about the relationship. You should speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. This will give the two of you an opportunity to understand the status and future of your relationship. Have a great day, Dawn!

  10. Avatar

    Nitty

    August 11, 2019 at 9:07 am

    I used have crush on this guy and I told this to my best friend(girl), after like an year ago and I sent his profile to her and she instantly liked him, I emphasised that I like him since more than 5 years, she flirted with him through our fake account while talking she sent her real profile and he liked her too, I was heart broken, though me being naive and stupid I supported her, she said she wouldn’t cheat me still she flirted with him behind my back, and now they are dating, I hate her now but still I’m her “bf” to slove problems in her life,I don’t why I’m doing this, I acted like I support her even though I hate it, how do I cut her?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 12, 2019 at 8:06 pm

      You made the decision to tell your friend about your crush. For whatever reason, she chose to flirt with your crush. They are now dating, and you feel bitter about her behaviors. Your feelings are perfectly acceptable. You can continue to share your kindness and compassion with her, while you maintain new social relationships. You may want to maintain a relationship with someone new at this time. Have a great day, Nitty!

    • Avatar

      Happiness

      August 29, 2019 at 12:54 am

      I have been in a relationship for ten months. I met this guy and he was just the best we always worked things through but of late we have been having arguments weekly we even broke up and got back together. But I realized he is withdrawing and i asked him he said the frequent fights are taking a toll on him to an extent he is losing faith in us. He has asked for time to think on whether he really wants this or not. I am heartbroken cause i was willing to work things out😭

      • web admin

        web admin

        August 30, 2019 at 3:40 pm

        The two of you have frequent arguments. You spoke with him about your concerns, and he shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He asked for time, so give him what he has asked for. If he reaches out to you in the future, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. For now, share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life, as this will draw positive people and energy toward you. Have a great day, Happiness!

      • Avatar

        Confused

        September 9, 2019 at 10:54 am

        My boyfriend and I were together for about a year and a half. Everything was great hardly ever faught went on long trips together just had a lot of fun with each other. Then he started getting distant but I didn’t think anything of it just thought maybe he was stressed about his job and he’s not one to talk about anything that bothers him either. One day out of the blue he texts me and says we need to talk, he comes over and says he can’t do this anymore (he is crying at this point) so I ask him what the problem is and he says, “I just need time to get on my feet, I thought I was ready for a serious relationship, but I guess I’m not, and we can still be friends.” Does this mean he is just truly done? I go back and forth thinking it for sure is and I need to move on but then I get this feeling that I just need to give him time and space.

        • web admin

          web admin

          September 9, 2019 at 3:34 pm

          Your boyfriend and you have maintained a relationship together for a year and a half. Over time, he became more distant and stressed. This may be due to various influences in his life. He has informed you of his thoughts regarding the future of this relationship. Determine what you want for your future without him, and make a decision about what you believe is viable. You will draw positive people and energy into your life by sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Confused!

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