What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He’s Confused and He Needs Time to Think?

By on August 14, 2018

One of the worst things that can happen to a woman is this: you’re in a seemingly great relationship with some dreamy guy you can’t get enough of. You went on a hot date last night and it was a hit! However, you woke up today only to hear the dreaded words: “I’m confused and just need some time to think about things”. Uhhh, what? It’s a joke right? Unfortunately not, and it is gut-wrenching. But before you flip out and wonder what’s wrong with you, let’s take a look at what this may actually mean.

Boyfriend Says He Needs Time to Think

Reasons He May Say the Dreaded Words We Never Want to Hear

He is Genuinely Scared

Let’s face it: relationships can be, well, rather scary. When you feel like you are falling in love with someone and they’re taking up your time and thoughts constantly, you can feel overwhelmed. And in some cases a man may start to feel this way when he is falling deeply in love with you. He needs to take some time to think about what love is and if he is really ready to dive in and be with a woman full time and let his emotions overtake him.

He Needs to Reclaim His Masculinity

When a man falls in love with a woman, he lets his guard down. All of the sudden he is a romantic lovey-dovey sap, and when a man realizes this he can become somewhat bothered, feeling like his masculinity is being taken from him. Yes, it is kind of silly, but men are all about being macho and strong and impressing females. If he feels like he is becoming to emotionally powered and feeling weak giving into his loving emotions, he may want to take a step back to simply redeem his testosterone levels.

He’s Not Interested

This is the one we all dread hearing, but unfortunately sometimes being ‘confused’ and ‘needing time to think’ are code words for ‘I am not interested and I may even be interested in another woman already’. If this is the case, it’s important to remember there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes relationships simply do not work out and the spark dies off; or in some cases, was never there in the first place.

reasons why your man wants space and what to do about it

How You Need to React

Don’t Panic

How you react to a man saying he’s confused and needs time to think is imperative. Show him you’re not crazy and not all about him. Show him you can be independent and strong and DO NOT PANIC! Yes it’s terrible to hear, but panicking and over-thinking is NOT going to help you in the slightest. Remain calm and stay cool- it is way more attractive than being the ‘crazy’ girl he never wants to see again.

Leave Him Alone

You certainly do not want to portray yourself as being desperate. Show him that you’re a strong woman that can live without him and he may become more attracted to you and realize you’re the woman of his dreams. On the other hand, leaving him alone will give you time to relax and GET OVER HIM! If he isn’t so sure about you, then don’t waste your time trying to win him back. There is a man out there who knows for sure that he loves you and it won’t confuse him to feel loving emotions.

What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He's Confused and He Needs Time to Think

Pull Back and Let Him Come to You

Keeping your distance from him and actually allowing him time to think can be the best thing for your relationship. Sometimes people truly just need some time to sit back, relax, and assess the situation. Pulling away from him and showing him you can give him his space without freaking out is a great way to handle the situation. When he decides he wants to be with you, let him come to you- and let him work for it. Show him you weren’t just waiting around for his answer. Have him come to you, never go to him begging for him to make up his mind and be with you.

Have you ever heard a man tell you that he is confused and needs time to think? How did you handle the situation and how did the relationship ultimately work out? We would love to hear some stories! BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER: DON’T PANIC! Sometimes people just need a breather!


  1. Melissa

    January 26, 2019 at 3:01 am

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 15 months. We had our ups and downs more ups than downs. When we have disagreements he shuts down and doesn’t want to talk. Sometimes he’ll shut down for days. Just yesterday I brought it to his attention I know he’s been active on a dating/social media sight and telling women he’s single. He said if stems from him thinking I was involved with someone else over the summer. Instead of coming to me and asking me about it he resorted to talking to other women. He felt if I’m doing it then why shouldn’t he. He told me he’ll do whatever it takes to fix it. I eventually asked him to leave saying we both probably need some time to sleep on it. He was mad I didn’t let him stay the night. Today I saw him he had to come pick up his car. I was ready to sort things out but now he’s not. I poured my heart out to him but he said just give him time. He needs time to think. He said he’s mad. It was messed up what he did. He feels some type of way. But he just needs time and asked me to please give it to him. I told him if he doesn’t want to be with me then just say so. He said if he doesn’t want to be with me he would just flat out say so. He said “just please give me time”. I’m confused because just yesterday he wanted to do whatever it takes. Now today he’s had time to think now he wants me to give him some time. I asked how much time…weeks, months, but he said he doesn’t know. He owes me a decent amount of money and said he’ll start paying it back in a couple of days. So this means I have to see him and the feelings and emotions will arise all over again then I have to get over the hurt all over again every time I see him when he brings me money.

    Please help! What should I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 27, 2019 at 6:50 pm

      He has been neglecting you and telling other women that he is single on dating websites. It is clear that he is no longer interested in respecting your relationship. Determine what you want for your future. Decide what type of relationship you want to maintain. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Melissa!

  2. Jee

    December 20, 2018 at 12:16 am

    He was my best friend and from past 6 years he loved me and had feelings for me. From last 1 year when I finally felt for him i saw that he was stalking a girl alot on his social media. When i confronted him he said he loves me it’s nothing to do with her. He lost his father in the same year and he is having work pressure as he is the only source of income in his family. Today he told me he is confused and needs some space. I dont understand what he means by confused here. Though 3 days ago he said he still loves me. Is it over? And if he needs space how do I give him space coz I miss him and end up texting him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 22, 2018 at 11:26 am

      You decided to confront him regarding his actions. This may have influenced his decision making process. He has explained that he was confused and needed space. He has said that he loves you, and that may be the case. Since he is no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with you at this time, then determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Jee!

  3. Harly

    December 1, 2018 at 12:32 am

    My boyfriend of a year has just done this. It’s scary, and hurtful because I have a 3yo too so theirs three of us in this limbo. We’ve been friends for 6 years, so he knew I had a child, he’s been there for me through all of it, so it’s not like it just happened. When we decided to start dating and move on from being friends, he said he loved me and my son and wanted to be the best dad he can be to my son, and be a family. Now he’s saying he needs time to evaluate our relationship. We were so happy, it happened within about two days. We didn’t fight, we didn’t argue, nothing seemed wrong at all. He’s super busy with work.. but I didn’t think that would be a reason to need time to think about us 🙁

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 2, 2018 at 12:49 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. His concerns may be related to stress at work. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. He is aware of how this relationship influences both you and your child. There may be something else causing him to feel confused at this time. Strengthen your relationship with your family and friends. Have a great day, Harly!

  4. Avery

    November 19, 2018 at 11:16 am

    I’ve been dating this man for 3 months, he even said he loved me. Shortly after, he started to pull away, and last week he told me he was confused and the more the thought about things, the more confused he became and that I have done nothing wrong. I freaked out at first, trying to reassure him and tell him how I felt, then eventually I told him that since he is asking for space, I will simply hope when he feels like talking that he would reach out to me. If I don’t hear from him in a week or 2, I am moving on. Is that awful of me? I do genuinely care about this man, was starting to fall in love, but I don’t feel it’s fair to just stop communicating. This has given me a huge red flag.

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 20, 2018 at 7:15 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings. He informed you that he was confused about uncertain about the future of your relationship. It is reasonable for you to end this relationship. You deserve to maintain a relationship with someone who wants to maintain a relationship with you. You do not need to respond to his messages in the future. If you choose to speak with him, then share your kindness and compassion with him. Have a great day, Avery!

  5. Jessica

    November 15, 2018 at 1:53 am

    My boyfriend told me on Tuesday evening that he needs some “alone time” and that he is unsure of what it is that he feels for me. He knows that he feels something, but he is not certain if it is something that will ultimately turn into “love”. I told him that I respect his request for space and I have not been in contact with him since I got home on Tuesday evening. He said that he just needs us to take a step back. He did tell me in the beginning that he does run when things get serious and asked that we take things day-by-day (his sister told me this as well). We have been together almost every single day for the last 3 months, and we are in a relatively new relationship. I think that he has freaked out that we have gotten serious too fast. What do you think? How much time should pass before he either contacts me with his decision or when should I know to just let go and move on?

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 16, 2018 at 7:48 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. You have accepted his statement and have given an opportunity to determine what he wants for this relationship. Wait for him to reach out to you. If he contacts you, then share your thoughts and feelings with him at that time. You may continue to nourish your friendships with the people who are in his life as well. Have a great day, Jessica!

  6. Esther

    October 24, 2018 at 6:05 pm

    My boyfriend has just texted me this yesterday I did not respond I am NOT going to chase him when he gets over his issuesI may or not be waiting you can’t wait forever!

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 24, 2018 at 10:29 pm

      Your boyfriend has reached out to you. You decided to ignore him. He may not be aware of your reasons. This likely causes him to feel confused, unwanted, and unappreciated. This may be influencing his behaviors. It is likely that he feels that your behaviors are your issues. This relationship will not be healthy if you choose to not speak with him. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Esther!

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