What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He’s Confused and He Needs Time to Think?

By on August 14, 2018

One of the worst things that can happen to a woman is this: you’re in a seemingly great relationship with some dreamy guy you can’t get enough of. You went on a hot date last night and it was a hit! However, you woke up today only to hear the dreaded words: “I’m confused and just need some time to think about things”. Uhhh, what? It’s a joke right? Unfortunately not, and it is gut-wrenching. But before you flip out and wonder what’s wrong with you, let’s take a look at what this may actually mean.

Boyfriend Says He Needs Time to Think

Reasons He May Say the Dreaded Words We Never Want to Hear

He is Genuinely Scared

Let’s face it: relationships can be, well, rather scary. When you feel like you are falling in love with someone and they’re taking up your time and thoughts constantly, you can feel overwhelmed. And in some cases a man may start to feel this way when he is falling deeply in love with you. He needs to take some time to think about what love is and if he is really ready to dive in and be with a woman full time and let his emotions overtake him.

He Needs to Reclaim His Masculinity

When a man falls in love with a woman, he lets his guard down. All of the sudden he is a romantic lovey-dovey sap, and when a man realizes this he can become somewhat bothered, feeling like his masculinity is being taken from him. Yes, it is kind of silly, but men are all about being macho and strong and impressing females. If he feels like he is becoming to emotionally powered and feeling weak giving into his loving emotions, he may want to take a step back to simply redeem his testosterone levels.

He’s Not Interested

This is the one we all dread hearing, but unfortunately sometimes being ‘confused’ and ‘needing time to think’ are code words for ‘I am not interested and I may even be interested in another woman already’. If this is the case, it’s important to remember there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes relationships simply do not work out and the spark dies off; or in some cases, was never there in the first place.

reasons why your man wants space and what to do about it

How You Need to React

Don’t Panic

How you react to a man saying he’s confused and needs time to think is imperative. Show him you’re not crazy and not all about him. Show him you can be independent and strong and DO NOT PANIC! Yes it’s terrible to hear, but panicking and over-thinking is NOT going to help you in the slightest. Remain calm and stay cool- it is way more attractive than being the ‘crazy’ girl he never wants to see again.

Leave Him Alone

You certainly do not want to portray yourself as being desperate. Show him that you’re a strong woman that can live without him and he may become more attracted to you and realize you’re the woman of his dreams. On the other hand, leaving him alone will give you time to relax and GET OVER HIM! If he isn’t so sure about you, then don’t waste your time trying to win him back. There is a man out there who knows for sure that he loves you and it won’t confuse him to feel loving emotions.

What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He's Confused and He Needs Time to Think

Pull Back and Let Him Come to You

Keeping your distance from him and actually allowing him time to think can be the best thing for your relationship. Sometimes people truly just need some time to sit back, relax, and assess the situation. Pulling away from him and showing him you can give him his space without freaking out is a great way to handle the situation. When he decides he wants to be with you, let him come to you- and let him work for it. Show him you weren’t just waiting around for his answer. Have him come to you, never go to him begging for him to make up his mind and be with you.

Have you ever heard a man tell you that he is confused and needs time to think? How did you handle the situation and how did the relationship ultimately work out? We would love to hear some stories! BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER: DON’T PANIC! Sometimes people just need a breather!

169 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Renee

    February 15, 2020 at 6:59 pm

    I’ve been with a guy for 10 months. We’ve been fighting a lot and he says I dont understand he needs his time to think and figure out if he can be the man I need. Were havent been intimate for a while and it’s been a dead relationship but I want to get past the drama. Theres been a lot of damage but it was good the first few months. I want to get past the damage and start over but I’m not sure if he can get past it. I’m afraid of what will happen because we still love eachother. Weve just been fighting so much because I’ve done so much for him and hove him a hard time because hes got a lot going on with his life and hes stressed but because of that he cant do thoughtful things for me, ever? I just feel neglected but really want to start over and reignite the flame. Is there anything I can do? I dobt want to lose him but idk what to do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 16, 2020 at 7:49 pm

      Even though he is stressed out, he could still be thoughtful and treat you well–although it is also fair that you would let him off the hook until his life is easier to handle. However, breaking a cycle can be extremely difficult. If you two have fallen into a pattern of treating each other poorly, it may be hard to improve the relationship–especially if he isn’t committed to changing things as well. The best thing you can possibly do is sit him down and talk honestly about how you feel. Hopefully, he will decide he wants to commit himself to the relationship as much as you do. Good luck!

  2. Avatar

    CANDICE Emily ROKOSE

    February 15, 2020 at 6:59 pm

    I’ve been with a guy for 10 months. We’ve been fighting a lot and he says I dont understand he needs his time to think and figure out if he can be the man I need. Were havent been intimate for a while and it’s been a dead relationship but I want to get past the drama. Theres been a lot of damage but it was good the first few months. I want to get past the damage and start over but I’m not sure if he can get past it. I’m afraid of what will happen because we still love eachother. Weve just been fighting so much because I’ve done so much for him and hove him a hard time because hes got a lot going on with his life and hes stressed but because of that he cant do thoughtful things for me, ever? I just feel neglected but really want to start over and reignite the flame. Is there anything I can do? I dobt want to lose him but idk what to do.

    • Avatar

      Renee

      February 15, 2020 at 7:04 pm

      Delete

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 16, 2020 at 7:49 pm

        No worries–people comment twice on accident all the time. Let me know if you have any other questions. Thanks!

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 16, 2020 at 7:49 pm

      Even though he is stressed out, he could still be thoughtful and treat you well–although it is also fair that you would let him off the hook until his life is easier to handle. However, breaking a cycle can be extremely difficult. If you two have fallen into a pattern of treating each other poorly, it may be hard to improve the relationship–especially if he isn’t committed to changing things as well. The best thing you can possibly do is sit him down and talk honestly about how you feel. Hopefully, he will decide he wants to commit himself to the relationship as much as you do. Good luck!

  3. Avatar

    Alissa

    February 10, 2020 at 6:44 pm

    He told me he needs time to think. I told him his number is deleted. Bye.

    It is 2020. Expect nothing but respect.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 10, 2020 at 7:09 pm

      That sounds fair. If you know what you want and he can’t decide, it basically means you have to make the choice yourself. Good luck!

  4. Avatar

    Nathalie

    January 23, 2020 at 9:22 am

    Hello, I’ve been knowing my boyfriend for 6 years met him after 6months of loosing his fiancé she passed away 3 days before the wedding. (His 33 and I’m 30)
    So we always had that bumpy road together but for the past 7 months we officially start dating he called his girlfriend and I met his family for the first time (even his mom said he hasn’t brought a girl home since his fiancé) but one night I got super mad about him constantly mentioning her and I told him I want someone that can love me 100 and by him talking about her seems like he is not healed yet so he got mad at me and pulled away start being distant and barley talking. It’s been like 3 weeks and I saw him yesterday all he was saying “I love you” a lot I need some time I wanna marry you but it’s a major step and after I’ve planned it before and I lost it I don’t wanna lose it again he keep asking me for time.
    But I don’t know what to do because him not texting or calling like before it’s killing the relationship that’s how I feel but I don’t know if I should just leave him alone, break up with him. I’m lost I know I love him so much and him too but his actions Are pushing me now away because I’m tired of him acting confused and needs time after everything was going perfect.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 23, 2020 at 4:00 pm

      His deceased fiance was his first major love and someone he expected to spend his life with. When you are married (or expected to be married to someone), it can take years or decades to heal. If you talk to elderly people after their spouse and love of their life passes on, you’ll see that they don’t just get over it. He is upset because you are pushing him to forget about the woman he wanted to marry. It is entirely understandable that you don’t want to live with her memory constantly present, but it is unlikely that he will ever get rid of her memory entirely. In addition, he may also fear that you will die if you get engaged to him, even though he probably knows that that fear is ridiculous and unlikely. Now, you just have to decide if you can live with the fact that the fiance’s memory will always be there and that he may take a while to get married because of how disastrous his previous attempt to get married was.

  5. Avatar

    Jenny

    January 13, 2020 at 7:04 am

    I dated him for 3 months and he knew since the beginning that I had a son. The time we spent together was amazing and made feel as his priority. But, when he was about to know my son, suddenly changed. He made excuses to dont meet him, and started to get distance with me. We supposed to meet last Sunday and he shut off the phone Friday and Saturday. On Sunday morning he read my messages and ignore them, so I told him that I was not comfortable with the situation and he could take some time to make up his mind, to what he answers that he is not making time for me or putting any effort towards me, so would be better to pause the relationship and he can focus on his own issues. I said it was fine and we don’t talk for a week since then. I really want to get back, but not sure what to do. Should I text him to get my stuff back or give him more time to think or probably just move on.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 13, 2020 at 6:27 pm

      I would text him to see if you can get your things back. If he has any lasting things to share or wants to get back together, that will be a natural opportunity for him to say so–plus, this gives you an excuse to reach out to him without seeming like you are bothering him to get back together. And if he really does want to end things, it’ll give you a chance to find out for sure and to get your things back.

  6. Avatar

    Specialklostinlove

    January 4, 2020 at 10:57 am

    I have been dating a guy for 4 months now and everything was going so great but I was always extremely wary because he just got out of a long term relationship when we met so his life was uncertain. Moving in with parents, job change, working with his ex etc. He dumped me on NYE after telling his friends about me. He says lovely things about me and cares for me deeply etc but has ended it saying he doesn’t know what he wants. He is confused and lost and just wants to hide. Something doesn’t feel right and he doesn’t know what it is. He wants to be friends and meet up in a couple of weeks to see how we both feel. Do I look at this as a freak out or do I accept and move on? I honestly have no idea what to do as things were so good until all of this came out.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 4, 2020 at 3:49 pm

      I would expect that he’ll just want to stay friends. If he doesn’t know what he wants in a relationship right now, he won’t figure it out in just a couple of weeks.

    • Avatar

      Che2

      January 12, 2020 at 4:39 pm

      This is also my situation right now. He was really crying because he missed me after I let him with his space. But he said that he wants to find himself. He is not sure about our relationship. But he doesn’t want to lose me. (I am really confused about this)He is struggling and pressured maybe to have a relationship. He cried because he doesn’t want to hurt me. Admin, can you advise me what to do? By the way, we are in a long distance realtionship.

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 12, 2020 at 10:44 pm

        He can’t have it both ways. The only way to not lose you is to date you. If he tries to end things, then he can’t just keep you around forever. It sounds like what he really wants is to end things, but he isn’t quite strong enough to do so. He also seems to be struggling with the fact that he still has so many feelings for you, even if he does want to move on in life still.

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