Top funny quotes and one-liners

By on January 13, 2013


When you think of funny quotes and one-lines, do you think of great childhood memories? Do you think of the latest movie that you and your significant other viewed? Oftentimes, quotes and one-liners transform from a way to make us laugh to a means of bonding. I could text my sister right now with the beginning of an Ace Ventura quote and she would easily finish the thought. One-liners are a specialty of sorts that can present encouragement in dark circumstances or break the ice in awkward ones.


Perhaps you are not the movie extraordinaire or maybe you are the film connoisseur. The following quotes will make you laugh if not conjure up some weird childhood memory.


1. “Any body got some cheese?”


This quote rings through our minds by the double-minded‑Steve Urkel. I have heard this quote in almost any context of life, especially when making a sandwich. I still remember friends jacking their pants up to their armpits and asking this question through their best, nasally Steve Urkel voice.


2. “It’s called a desk pop.”


Must I say more? As Will Ferrell is badgered into firing his pistol in the office, he is greeted with the challenge…be a man. If you have not watched “The Other Guys” starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg you have just received an additional New Year’s Resolution.


3. Now sit back and think Venture, Ace Ventura on this next quote.


“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” How many times has your leaving party hit you with this quote? Ace Ventura has added a funny way for all of us to bid farewell, or at least bid a “be right back”.


4. Let’s think about Joe Dirt here for a second.


There he is, stuck, captured and cold. What does Joe Dirt hear? “It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again”. He cheerfully concedes by receiving an AutoTrader in return. “Things are gonna happen for me. I’m Joe Dirt!”‑hilarious, ironically hilarious.


5. What about some Monty Python?


Perhaps you have scratched yourself and thought, all too naturally, “It is a flesh wound”. Ah yes, thank you Monty Python you have created a one-line that has stood the test of time. How better to minimize my pain and prevent crying in front of my peers than quoting Monty Python?


6. Billy Madison … I still laugh.


I must confess that I have reenacted the scene from Billy Madison where the Billy determines something of eternal significance. Which is better, shampoo or conditioner? Where shampoo challenges conditioner, “Oh really fool? Really!” There it is, a quote for the ages. Do you need a one-liner comeback that says it all (well, at least says something)? Challenge your opponents with this quirky reply, “Oh really fool?”


7. Can’t forget about Dumb and Dumber!


Last one to bid you farewell‑“Shh, I hate goodbyes”. Dumb and Dumber will make you laugh the more you watch it (especially when you are tired) but more importantly it will clue you in to American comedy. If you have not invested in a copy of Dumb and Dumber, do not tell anyone!


The next time someone around you needs a good laugh, go ahead and break out with one of these funny quotes and one-liners.

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