My Boyfriend Hit Me, What Should I Do?

By on February 11, 2016

One of the worst situations to be in is one where you don’t feel safe around the person that you love – and that you think loves you. Some people are physically harmed by their loved one on a daily basis and feel trapped because they just don’t know what to do about it.

The truth is that there are so many ways for you to seek help. But if you’re feeling especially trapped, stuck, and hopeless, here are all the things that you should be doing when your boyfriend hits you. Never forget that there are other, better options than just “dealing” with it.

Decide if the Relationship is Abusive

Firstly, you have to realize that you are, in fact, in an abusive relationship. A lot of women think that just because their boyfriend hit them once, it’s okay and they probably deserved it. Here are the different ways you can distinguish whether or not it’s an abusive relationship.

  1. Is he physically hurting you?

When someone thinks of an abusive relationship, they immediately picture someone hitting the other. If your boyfriend hit you, then it’s an abusive relationship. No if, ands, or buts about it! But hitting isn’t the only indicator of physical harm. If he grabs you forcefully by the arms, shoves you, or even shakes you hard, that’s physical harm and abuse.

  1. Does he scare you?

You should never be afraid of your boyfriend. If he actually scares you and makes you flinch when he gets too close, it’s abusive. You’re probably afraid because he may harm you physically again. Fear should never be a prominent feeling in a relationship

  1. Are you “walking on eggshells” around him?

If you’re being extremely cautious of your actions and words when you’re around him, it’s abusive. You should be able to freely express yourself without being fearful that he’ll dislike what you say and take action against it.

  1. Is he controlling?

Is he controlling

Does he tell you what can’t wear? Does he dictate who you spend time with? Does he even tell you the foods that you can or can’t eat? If so, then it’s abuse. Your boyfriend should never have control over the choices you make. They’re yours.

  1. Does he insult you regularly?

By insult, I mean does he put you down? If he makes you feel inadequate, stupid, and just makes you feel like a worthless person, you’re in an abusive relationship. Just because he’s not physically hurting you at the time, doesn’t mean he won’t eventually. Abuse is abuse and insulting is the road to physical harm.

What You Need to Know

If you have read the above statements and discovered that you’re in an abusive relationship, there might be a million things running through your mind. You may be trying to make excuses for him because you’re simply in denial about the abuse. Here’s what you NEED to know about your abusive relationship.

  1. It is 100% NOT Your Fault

There is absolutely no way you can spin the situation to make his abuse be your fault. You are a victim. He is in the wrong. You have to understand that if first. You did nothing wrong – he did.

  1. You’re Not Alone

Many women feel isolated when they’re in an abusive relationship – like no one will understand them or they have no way out. You have to know that you’re not alone in this. There are always people willing to listen and help.

  1. Doing Nothing will Not Make Things Better

If you’re sitting there thinking that things will get better if you just ignore it and not do anything, you’re wrong. Doing nothing won’t make things better. In fact, they might actually make things worse.

What to do Next

After you have accepted that you are indeed in an abusive relationship and have come to terms with all that means, now is time for the next steps. And by next steps, I mean time to get out of this hurtful situation. While it may not be easy, just know that you can do it and you will be supported.

  1. Talk to Someone

Really, you can go to anyone about this issue; family, friends, even coworkers. Although you might feel strange about talking to someone about a situation that is less that positive, you can’t keep things to yourself. Talking to someone else may also give you strength to face your boyfriend and get the help that you really need and deserve.

  1. Call a Domestic Violence Organization

Call a Domestic Violence Organization

There are SO many organizations designed for just this purpose. If you find yourself needing help with your abusive relationship, give an organization a call and they will help you. It’s not only their job, they want to help.

  1. Build Your Confidence to Face Him

Build Your Confidence to Face Him

Some men hit their girlfriends because they can. Because the women don’t stand up for themselves. I know it can be scary to do this, but you have to have confidence to stand up to him. If he sees that he can’t push you around, he will stop and might even realize that what he’s doing is wrong – some men don’t realize the harm they’re causing.

  1. Get the Police Involved

Domestic violence is a huge deal. You could be seriously injured if the abuse goes too far. If you feel that your life is in danger or even unsafe because your boyfriend has hit you, call the police. They will give you support and help you. Your boyfriend hitting you is illegal – so the police are going to do something about it. This is also the best strategy if you’re too afraid to confront him on your own.

  1. LEAVE HIM

Under no circumstances should you stay with your boyfriend if he has hit you. An abusive relationship must end for the sake of both parties. Your physical and mental health are put at risk in this situation and you have to take action and leave him.

The Aftermath

A lot of people think that the damage of an abusive relationship ends when the relationship does, but that’s not always true. The emotional toll an abusive has on a person is a big one and it the effects stay with them long after they leave the abusive person. Here are some steps you can take to overcome the difficulties.

  1. Join a Support Group

You’re not alone in this. There are people everywhere that have successfully left an abusive relationship and have taken to support groups as a means to cope with the situation. You will have the opportunity to sit and listen to other women’s journeys and even share your own. Use this to your advantage where they’re available. You’ll find strength in hearing other women’s stories and even in sharing your own. You’ll be able to say, “I survived this and came out stronger.”

  1. Work on Bettering Yourself

Take some time to yourself and focus on creating a better you. After an abusive relationship your mental health can be in a vulnerable state. Take some time and join a gym, focus on projects, do things that just make you feel whole and great. If you really want to feel useful and like you have a place in the world, join a soup kitchen or volunteer at a homeless shelter or a senior living facility.

  1. Gain More Confidence

If your boyfriend hit you it will take a toll on your confidence. Abusive relationships make women feel helpless and worthless. You’re not! Spend some of your take on gaining more self-confidence post abusive relationship. Something that works amazingly is getting a hot new haircut, hitting the gym more, or even buying a new outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. Then hit the town with some friends! You’ll get the attention you deserve.

  1. Talk to Someone Regularly

Talk to Someone Regularly

Whether it is a weekly support group, regular lunches with a friend, or even a therapist, talking to someone about your struggle helps immensely. Keeping your past abusive relationship inside will only create self-loathing and a feeling of being completely alone in the world. After being in a harmful situation for so long, being lonely is the last thing you’ll want to feel. So get talking!

  1. Pick up Some New Hobbies

Nothing makes someone feel better and more confident like picking up a new hobby. It will make you happy and even distract your mind from all the negativity that you’ve had to endure. Many people find that a creative outlet works wonders on their tattered self-esteem and moods. Painting, drawing, knitting, crocheting, and even writing will aid in your journey to recovery.

An abusive relationship is nothing to take lightly. Make sure you’re following all of these tips on what you should do if your boyfriend hits you. Have you ever overcome the hardships of an abusive relationship? Let us know what helped you below!

105 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Sam

    September 14, 2019 at 3:17 am

    I went through my boyfriends phone and while going through it he found me and snatched it from me. I got upset because I saw him respond to another woman who was an issue. I also got upset because he yanked the phone from me and I feel as if he had something to hide. He went back to our bedroom and laid down resting his head on his hand, I was so upset I slapped his hand from under his head and he got up and grabbed me by the throat which then lead to us going back and forth kind of slapping each other around. Opinion? Am I wrong for starting it? I feel as if his reaction was extreme.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 14, 2019 at 8:42 pm

      His behavior regarding the phone is an indication that he was hiding something. You physically attacked him, but that does not excuse his behaviors either. Both of you physically abused each other, and it is likely that he is cheating on you. End this relationship. Ensure that you do not attack anyone in the future. Learn your lesson from this relationship and apply that knowledge to your future relationships. Have a great day, Sam!

  2. Avatar

    Jay

    August 29, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    I lied to my boyfriend and he found out and came to my family home and pulled out my weave I really love him and I know it’s all my fault cause if I was sincere it would have never happened I keep lying to him constantly (I don’t know why) and he finds out the truth and forgives me right now I don’t know how things can go back to the way there where he called me and I saw him and he apologized and I have forgiven him, I don’t know how to handle this I need your advice I will really appreciate if we communicate through email

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 30, 2019 at 4:32 pm

      Your partner made the decision to physically abuse you. There is no valid reason for his behaviors. Immediately end this relationship, and determine what you want for your future without him. Your lies did not warrant physical abuse. You should abstain from lying in the future. This will ensure that your relationships are based on respect and compassion. Have a great day, Jay!

  3. Avatar

    Brooke

    August 13, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    My boyfriend threatened to kill me and everyone around me when I decided to break up with him. We were arguing in the car and he moved the steering wheel a couple of times threatening to kill both of us, he even threw a water bottle at me while driving to make me feel humiliated. He punched me in the face and I hit him back, then in a parking lot he grabbed my hair and chocked me. After all he said it was my fault cause I lied to him a lot, cause I cheated and then he apologized for everything and wanted to start a clean slate. I don’t feel safe around him, every time I look in the mirror and see the bruising I cry cause I relive that moment and I don’t even know how he’s still in my life. I am guilty of many things but I think I don’t deserve this, and I just don’t know how to get out of it.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 13, 2019 at 8:02 pm

      Your boyfriend’s behaviors are abusive and extremely harmful. He humiliates you and physically abuses you. Contact law enforcement about his behaviors. Request a restraining order or another form of legal protection. Immediately end this relationship. Nourish your relationships with your family and friends. Do not attempt to communicate with him. Best of luck, Brooke!

  4. Avatar

    Amy

    August 11, 2019 at 2:11 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I absolutely love him. A few months back, he got angry at something I said and he grabbed me in my car and shook me and screamed in my ear. He was very apologetic and I forgave him. Last week at was at my parents house after I got home from Disney. My boyfriend and I were in a constant argument about my best friend. He was complains about how I spend too much time with her, more than I was spending with him. While I was at my parents house, he asked to come over to talk outside. He came by and he started yelling at me. I told him that I usually invite him when I hang out with my best friend and he called me a liar and rushed towards me and picked me up by my shirt and shook me again while I was in the air and then dropped me and I fell on my back and hit my head. Then while I was on the floor he started hitting me in my face. My whole face was covered in blood and my front porch had heavy puddles from me stumbling to get up. My dad heard what happened and helped me clean up while my mom called the cops. He was then arrested and now we’re dealing with his domestic abuse charges. He wants me to stay with him and part of me wants to as well because I really love him and can’t picture my life without him… but people keep telling me that this might happen again and it could be worse. What should I do…?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 12, 2019 at 8:45 pm

      He abused you. Inform law enforcement about his behaviors. Immediately end this relationship. Strengthen your relationship with your friends and family members. Testify against him and get a restraining order. If you make the poor decision to continue this relationship, then it is certain that his behaviors will become more violent and aggressive. Have a great day, Amy!

  5. Avatar

    Lay

    July 11, 2019 at 5:50 am

    The first time my boyfriend hit me, I was 5 months in the relationship. I thought it was my fault and forgave him because I also hit him. 6 months later (yesterday) he pushed me to the floor multiple times and kept mushing my face because .. . I wanted to break up because I didn’t wanna deal with drama or feel any type of way towards him . Every time I try to leave he says because I want someone else and I been wanted to leave and my love was fake and I go back . So does that mean I really wanted to leave ? My boy best friend also physically abused me (punched me in the face and chocked me ) a week ago after he found out I was still talking to my boyfriend because I lied about it and he doesn’t like him because of previous issues and because of me . I just feel like I’m so alone. Some say I deserved to get hit by my best friend because I shouldn’t be still talking to my boyfriend who put me through so much some say I got what I got cause I lied. . . I’m starting to believe it . I don’t have anybody anymore in my corner or nobody who wants to listen .

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 11, 2019 at 4:31 pm

      Your partner is abusive. Immediately end this relationship. Determine what you want for your future without him. Nourish your relationships with your friends and family members. If you continue to maintain this relationships, his behaviors may become more violent and your life will be at risk. Speak with law enforcement about his behaviors. Best of luck, Lay!

  6. Avatar

    Brittani say

    June 26, 2019 at 3:02 pm

    My boyfriend and I get into
    Arguments and he has busted my car window twice, put me in a couple choke holds and smacked me. He says he finally snaps if I get into it verbally with him. He has also threatened to kill himself. What should I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 26, 2019 at 8:23 pm

      He is abusive, both physically and psychologically. Immediately end this relationship. Do not reach out to him. Focus your emotional energy and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. If you choose to remain with him, then it is likely that his behaviors will become more violent. In the future, your life will be at risk. Nourish your relationships with your friends and family members at this time. Have a great day, Brittani!

  7. Avatar

    Stacey

    June 19, 2019 at 4:12 am

    My boyfriend hits me.. it started about 6 months in and we’re not 2 years in. I can’t bring myself to leave because I don’t want the embarrassment of people knowing and I truely do love him, I know I shouldn’t and I was always one to just say I’d walk straight away but it’s so much harder then that, I feel worthless and just convenient to him but I just can’t bring myself to do it, they’re pretty ugly episodes too, I’m currently in so much pain I can not move I was hit and hurt that much, I just want to give up on life all together because if this

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 20, 2019 at 1:38 pm

      Your partner is abusive. He does not love you. His actions will get worse in the future. The longer you remain in this relationship, the more likely that he may serious harm or kill you. Leave this relationship immediately, and do not reach out to him in the future. Nourish your relationships with your family and friends at this time. Reach out to law enforcement and inform them of his behaviors. Best of luck, Stacey!

  8. Avatar

    Amy

    June 5, 2019 at 4:46 am

    I grew up with an abusive father so getting hit and punched was normal till my school noticed things and told me it’s not so I moved away but 2 years ago I got into a relationship with my now partner and for the first 2 years it was ups and downs but nothing happened mainly because he was smoking weed but he gave up for his job and the first night he got the job he came home all happy I thought it was going to be a good night but then when I brought out dinner he kept saying it wasn’t good and it tasted horrible and that I was at home all day to I would of had time to make it better when I said sorry he said I should be and hit me that time it was just I little smack but it’s got worst ever since

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 5, 2019 at 10:35 pm

      Your partner has physically abused you, and his statements are indications that he is going to mentally or emotionally abuse you in the future. Immediately end this relationship. Inform law enforcement of his behaviors. Strengthen your relationships with your friends and family at this time. If you remain in this relationship, his behaviors will increase in frequency and intensity. Your life may be in danger in the future. Have a great day, Amy!

  9. Avatar

    Cash

    May 30, 2019 at 2:40 am

    I honestly don’t know if I am being abused or not but me and my boyfriend have lived together for eight months and we have a son together and a little while ago he started coming home drunk a lot and he’s just very aggressive and makes me have sex with him or he threatens to scream and cause a scene and wake up my cousins and uncle so I just go along with it. It’s wasn’t ever physical and never really got to crazy but he’s made me mad so I would text him not to bother coming home and say a couple things because I was mad and that’s made him angrier coming home and he hasn’t hit me but he has threatened to hit me if I didn’t stop being mad and he’s chocked me and scratched me and dug his finger nails into my skin and also twisted my arm &fingers and threatened to break them. I don’t know what to do or if this is even an abusive relationship and don’t know if I should leave him since he is the one that works while I’m home with our son and he pays the bills or if I’m just over reacting.

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 30, 2019 at 8:47 pm

      Your partner has forced you to have sex with him. This means that he is raping you. He is also physically abusing you. His behaviors will increase over time. If you do not escape and take your child with you, then his behaviors will increase. Your life is at risk if you continue to maintain this relationship. Determine what course of action that you feel is appropriate. Regardless, you should speak with law enforcement regarding the rape and abuse. Best of luck, Cash!

  10. Avatar

    Sarah

    April 24, 2019 at 12:02 am

    Have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for over 4 years. We have had a lot of fight in the past however nothing physical till two years after, he hit me, pushed me and took my phone and locked me in the room. That was devastating and scary however I forgave , but it happened again he hit me called me names. And threatening to beat me up. I’m scared of him, I can’t see myself to leave him. Because of the way I look he think I cheat on him while have never ever even think of that; I’m way too scared. Have lost my confidence my self worth, he treats me so poorly and badly and he still have control over me. Whenever I try to talk over him or stand up for myself he threatens to beat me. I can’t leave because I don’t love myself enough !

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 25, 2019 at 11:32 am

      The behavior of your partner should have made you end the relationship the first time it happened. It is clear that his behavior will continue to escalate. If you do not end this relationship, then it is certain that he will become more violent and potentially life threatening. Immediately end this relationship, and make a decision about what you want for your future. Strengthen your relationships with family and friends, and speak with law enforcement about the actions of your partner. Best of luck, Sarah!

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