My Boyfriend Hit Me, What Should I Do?

By on February 11, 2016

One of the worst situations to be in is one where you don’t feel safe around the person that you love – and that you think loves you. Some people are physically harmed by their loved one on a daily basis and feel trapped because they just don’t know what to do about it.

The truth is that there are so many ways for you to seek help. But if you’re feeling especially trapped, stuck, and hopeless, here are all the things that you should be doing when your boyfriend hits you. Never forget that there are other, better options than just “dealing” with it.

Decide if the Relationship is Abusive

Firstly, you have to realize that you are, in fact, in an abusive relationship. A lot of women think that just because their boyfriend hit them once, it’s okay and they probably deserved it. Here are the different ways you can distinguish whether or not it’s an abusive relationship.

  1. Is he physically hurting you?

When someone thinks of an abusive relationship, they immediately picture someone hitting the other. If your boyfriend hit you, then it’s an abusive relationship. No if, ands, or buts about it! But hitting isn’t the only indicator of physical harm. If he grabs you forcefully by the arms, shoves you, or even shakes you hard, that’s physical harm and abuse.

  1. Does he scare you?

You should never be afraid of your boyfriend. If he actually scares you and makes you flinch when he gets too close, it’s abusive. You’re probably afraid because he may harm you physically again. Fear should never be a prominent feeling in a relationship

  1. Are you “walking on eggshells” around him?

If you’re being extremely cautious of your actions and words when you’re around him, it’s abusive. You should be able to freely express yourself without being fearful that he’ll dislike what you say and take action against it.

  1. Is he controlling?

Is he controlling

Does he tell you what can’t wear? Does he dictate who you spend time with? Does he even tell you the foods that you can or can’t eat? If so, then it’s abuse. Your boyfriend should never have control over the choices you make. They’re yours.

  1. Does he insult you regularly?

By insult, I mean does he put you down? If he makes you feel inadequate, stupid, and just makes you feel like a worthless person, you’re in an abusive relationship. Just because he’s not physically hurting you at the time, doesn’t mean he won’t eventually. Abuse is abuse and insulting is the road to physical harm.

What You Need to Know

If you have read the above statements and discovered that you’re in an abusive relationship, there might be a million things running through your mind. You may be trying to make excuses for him because you’re simply in denial about the abuse. Here’s what you NEED to know about your abusive relationship.

  1. It is 100% NOT Your Fault

There is absolutely no way you can spin the situation to make his abuse be your fault. You are a victim. He is in the wrong. You have to understand that if first. You did nothing wrong – he did.

  1. You’re Not Alone

Many women feel isolated when they’re in an abusive relationship – like no one will understand them or they have no way out. You have to know that you’re not alone in this. There are always people willing to listen and help.

  1. Doing Nothing will Not Make Things Better

If you’re sitting there thinking that things will get better if you just ignore it and not do anything, you’re wrong. Doing nothing won’t make things better. In fact, they might actually make things worse.

What to do Next

After you have accepted that you are indeed in an abusive relationship and have come to terms with all that means, now is time for the next steps. And by next steps, I mean time to get out of this hurtful situation. While it may not be easy, just know that you can do it and you will be supported.

  1. Talk to Someone

Really, you can go to anyone about this issue; family, friends, even coworkers. Although you might feel strange about talking to someone about a situation that is less that positive, you can’t keep things to yourself. Talking to someone else may also give you strength to face your boyfriend and get the help that you really need and deserve.

  1. Call a Domestic Violence Organization

Call a Domestic Violence Organization

There are SO many organizations designed for just this purpose. If you find yourself needing help with your abusive relationship, give an organization a call and they will help you. It’s not only their job, they want to help.

  1. Build Your Confidence to Face Him

Build Your Confidence to Face Him

Some men hit their girlfriends because they can. Because the women don’t stand up for themselves. I know it can be scary to do this, but you have to have confidence to stand up to him. If he sees that he can’t push you around, he will stop and might even realize that what he’s doing is wrong – some men don’t realize the harm they’re causing.

  1. Get the Police Involved

Domestic violence is a huge deal. You could be seriously injured if the abuse goes too far. If you feel that your life is in danger or even unsafe because your boyfriend has hit you, call the police. They will give you support and help you. Your boyfriend hitting you is illegal – so the police are going to do something about it. This is also the best strategy if you’re too afraid to confront him on your own.


Under no circumstances should you stay with your boyfriend if he has hit you. An abusive relationship must end for the sake of both parties. Your physical and mental health are put at risk in this situation and you have to take action and leave him.

The Aftermath

A lot of people think that the damage of an abusive relationship ends when the relationship does, but that’s not always true. The emotional toll an abusive has on a person is a big one and it the effects stay with them long after they leave the abusive person. Here are some steps you can take to overcome the difficulties.

  1. Join a Support Group

You’re not alone in this. There are people everywhere that have successfully left an abusive relationship and have taken to support groups as a means to cope with the situation. You will have the opportunity to sit and listen to other women’s journeys and even share your own. Use this to your advantage where they’re available. You’ll find strength in hearing other women’s stories and even in sharing your own. You’ll be able to say, “I survived this and came out stronger.”

  1. Work on Bettering Yourself

Take some time to yourself and focus on creating a better you. After an abusive relationship your mental health can be in a vulnerable state. Take some time and join a gym, focus on projects, do things that just make you feel whole and great. If you really want to feel useful and like you have a place in the world, join a soup kitchen or volunteer at a homeless shelter or a senior living facility.

  1. Gain More Confidence

If your boyfriend hit you it will take a toll on your confidence. Abusive relationships make women feel helpless and worthless. You’re not! Spend some of your take on gaining more self-confidence post abusive relationship. Something that works amazingly is getting a hot new haircut, hitting the gym more, or even buying a new outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. Then hit the town with some friends! You’ll get the attention you deserve.

  1. Talk to Someone Regularly

Talk to Someone Regularly

Whether it is a weekly support group, regular lunches with a friend, or even a therapist, talking to someone about your struggle helps immensely. Keeping your past abusive relationship inside will only create self-loathing and a feeling of being completely alone in the world. After being in a harmful situation for so long, being lonely is the last thing you’ll want to feel. So get talking!

  1. Pick up Some New Hobbies

Nothing makes someone feel better and more confident like picking up a new hobby. It will make you happy and even distract your mind from all the negativity that you’ve had to endure. Many people find that a creative outlet works wonders on their tattered self-esteem and moods. Painting, drawing, knitting, crocheting, and even writing will aid in your journey to recovery.

An abusive relationship is nothing to take lightly. Make sure you’re following all of these tips on what you should do if your boyfriend hits you. Have you ever overcome the hardships of an abusive relationship? Let us know what helped you below!


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    March 29, 2020 at 5:17 pm

    My boyfriend pressured me into having an abortion this fall. He screamed at me and told me the whole thing was my fault. He screamed and bittlied me so perfusely that I collapsed on the floor in tears. He got in his truck and left but when he returned, he just kept saying how this was going to ruin his life and that it was all my fault. I was 4 weeks along and still think of the baby, I would be close to 7 months pregnant.
    He refused to see counseling and make any distinct changes in his life. He said he ‘would change’ as if somehow magically without trying. The past 6 months, he has called me a fucking bitch for using his blender, mocked me on a ski trip I took him on in front of people, and generally treated me poorly.
    Last night, after I got mad at him for spending 6K on motorbike, when he says he never has money to do anything fun with me. Well, it ended in him spitting in my face and headbutting me. My nose did not bleed but it hurts today. He says he is sorry of course and giving me more compliments than he ever has… But at the same time, last night after I left because he hit me, he proceeded to threaten me with calling the sherrif.. which idk how he could ever consider calling the cops on me. He told me I couldn’t proove anything, I didnt have any marks or scars. He also started lying, saying that I hit him in the face and he has it on camera… I was so confused I thought I had lost my memory. But he was just gaslighting me. I don’t know what to do, he is so upset and all I want is his comfort since he is usually who I go to when I am sad. I appreciate this post. I plan to move out soon. I just wanted to share my story anonymously, thank you.

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 31, 2020 at 11:19 pm

      Thank you for sharing your story. You have made the decision to end your relationship, which is healthy for you. It is clear that your partner is abusive, and it is likely that his behaviors will worsen in the future. As soon as you can end this relationship and put him in your past, the better.