My Boyfriend Hit Me, What Should I Do?
One of the worst situations to be in is one where you don’t feel safe around the person that you love – and that you think loves you. Some people are physically harmed by their loved one on a daily basis and feel trapped because they just don’t know what to do about it.
The truth is that there are so many ways for you to seek help. But if you’re feeling especially trapped, stuck, and hopeless, here are all the things that you should be doing when your boyfriend hits you. Never forget that there are other, better options than just “dealing” with it.
Decide if the Relationship is Abusive
Firstly, you have to realize that you are, in fact, in an abusive relationship. A lot of women think that just because their boyfriend hit them once, it’s okay and they probably deserved it. Here are the different ways you can distinguish whether or not it’s an abusive relationship.
- Is he physically hurting you?
When someone thinks of an abusive relationship, they immediately picture someone hitting the other. If your boyfriend hit you, then it’s an abusive relationship. No if, ands, or buts about it! But hitting isn’t the only indicator of physical harm. If he grabs you forcefully by the arms, shoves you, or even shakes you hard, that’s physical harm and abuse.
- Does he scare you?
You should never be afraid of your boyfriend. If he actually scares you and makes you flinch when he gets too close, it’s abusive. You’re probably afraid because he may harm you physically again. Fear should never be a prominent feeling in a relationship
- Are you “walking on eggshells” around him?
If you’re being extremely cautious of your actions and words when you’re around him, it’s abusive. You should be able to freely express yourself without being fearful that he’ll dislike what you say and take action against it.
- Is he controlling?
Does he tell you what can’t wear? Does he dictate who you spend time with? Does he even tell you the foods that you can or can’t eat? If so, then it’s abuse. Your boyfriend should never have control over the choices you make. They’re yours.
- Does he insult you regularly?
By insult, I mean does he put you down? If he makes you feel inadequate, stupid, and just makes you feel like a worthless person, you’re in an abusive relationship. Just because he’s not physically hurting you at the time, doesn’t mean he won’t eventually. Abuse is abuse and insulting is the road to physical harm.
What You Need to Know
If you have read the above statements and discovered that you’re in an abusive relationship, there might be a million things running through your mind. You may be trying to make excuses for him because you’re simply in denial about the abuse. Here’s what you NEED to know about your abusive relationship.
- It is 100% NOT Your Fault
There is absolutely no way you can spin the situation to make his abuse be your fault. You are a victim. He is in the wrong. You have to understand that if first. You did nothing wrong – he did.
- You’re Not Alone
Many women feel isolated when they’re in an abusive relationship – like no one will understand them or they have no way out. You have to know that you’re not alone in this. There are always people willing to listen and help.
- Doing Nothing will Not Make Things Better
If you’re sitting there thinking that things will get better if you just ignore it and not do anything, you’re wrong. Doing nothing won’t make things better. In fact, they might actually make things worse.
What to do Next
After you have accepted that you are indeed in an abusive relationship and have come to terms with all that means, now is time for the next steps. And by next steps, I mean time to get out of this hurtful situation. While it may not be easy, just know that you can do it and you will be supported.
- Talk to Someone
Really, you can go to anyone about this issue; family, friends, even coworkers. Although you might feel strange about talking to someone about a situation that is less that positive, you can’t keep things to yourself. Talking to someone else may also give you strength to face your boyfriend and get the help that you really need and deserve.
- Call a Domestic Violence Organization
There are SO many organizations designed for just this purpose. If you find yourself needing help with your abusive relationship, give an organization a call and they will help you. It’s not only their job, they want to help.
- Build Your Confidence to Face Him
Some men hit their girlfriends because they can. Because the women don’t stand up for themselves. I know it can be scary to do this, but you have to have confidence to stand up to him. If he sees that he can’t push you around, he will stop and might even realize that what he’s doing is wrong – some men don’t realize the harm they’re causing.
- Get the Police Involved
Domestic violence is a huge deal. You could be seriously injured if the abuse goes too far. If you feel that your life is in danger or even unsafe because your boyfriend has hit you, call the police. They will give you support and help you. Your boyfriend hitting you is illegal – so the police are going to do something about it. This is also the best strategy if you’re too afraid to confront him on your own.
- LEAVE HIM
Under no circumstances should you stay with your boyfriend if he has hit you. An abusive relationship must end for the sake of both parties. Your physical and mental health are put at risk in this situation and you have to take action and leave him.
A lot of people think that the damage of an abusive relationship ends when the relationship does, but that’s not always true. The emotional toll an abusive has on a person is a big one and it the effects stay with them long after they leave the abusive person. Here are some steps you can take to overcome the difficulties.
- Join a Support Group
You’re not alone in this. There are people everywhere that have successfully left an abusive relationship and have taken to support groups as a means to cope with the situation. You will have the opportunity to sit and listen to other women’s journeys and even share your own. Use this to your advantage where they’re available. You’ll find strength in hearing other women’s stories and even in sharing your own. You’ll be able to say, “I survived this and came out stronger.”
- Work on Bettering Yourself
Take some time to yourself and focus on creating a better you. After an abusive relationship your mental health can be in a vulnerable state. Take some time and join a gym, focus on projects, do things that just make you feel whole and great. If you really want to feel useful and like you have a place in the world, join a soup kitchen or volunteer at a homeless shelter or a senior living facility.
- Gain More Confidence
If your boyfriend hit you it will take a toll on your confidence. Abusive relationships make women feel helpless and worthless. You’re not! Spend some of your take on gaining more self-confidence post abusive relationship. Something that works amazingly is getting a hot new haircut, hitting the gym more, or even buying a new outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. Then hit the town with some friends! You’ll get the attention you deserve.
- Talk to Someone Regularly
Whether it is a weekly support group, regular lunches with a friend, or even a therapist, talking to someone about your struggle helps immensely. Keeping your past abusive relationship inside will only create self-loathing and a feeling of being completely alone in the world. After being in a harmful situation for so long, being lonely is the last thing you’ll want to feel. So get talking!
- Pick up Some New Hobbies
Nothing makes someone feel better and more confident like picking up a new hobby. It will make you happy and even distract your mind from all the negativity that you’ve had to endure. Many people find that a creative outlet works wonders on their tattered self-esteem and moods. Painting, drawing, knitting, crocheting, and even writing will aid in your journey to recovery.
An abusive relationship is nothing to take lightly. Make sure you’re following all of these tips on what you should do if your boyfriend hits you. Have you ever overcome the hardships of an abusive relationship? Let us know what helped you below!