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    My Boyfriend Hit Me, What Should I Do?

    By on February 11, 2016

    One of the worst situations to be in is one where you don’t feel safe around the person that you love – and that you think loves you. Some people are physically harmed by their loved one on a daily basis and feel trapped because they just don’t know what to do about it.

    The truth is that there are so many ways for you to seek help. But if you’re feeling especially trapped, stuck, and hopeless, here are all the things that you should be doing when your boyfriend hits you. Never forget that there are other, better options than just “dealing” with it.

    Decide if the Relationship is Abusive

    Firstly, you have to realize that you are, in fact, in an abusive relationship. A lot of women think that just because their boyfriend hit them once, it’s okay and they probably deserved it. Here are the different ways you can distinguish whether or not it’s an abusive relationship.

    1. Is he physically hurting you?

    When someone thinks of an abusive relationship, they immediately picture someone hitting the other. If your boyfriend hit you, then it’s an abusive relationship. No if, ands, or buts about it! But hitting isn’t the only indicator of physical harm. If he grabs you forcefully by the arms, shoves you, or even shakes you hard, that’s physical harm and abuse.

    1. Does he scare you?

    You should never be afraid of your boyfriend. If he actually scares you and makes you flinch when he gets too close, it’s abusive. You’re probably afraid because he may harm you physically again. Fear should never be a prominent feeling in a relationship

    1. Are you “walking on eggshells” around him?

    If you’re being extremely cautious of your actions and words when you’re around him, it’s abusive. You should be able to freely express yourself without being fearful that he’ll dislike what you say and take action against it.

    1. Is he controlling?

    Is he controlling

    Does he tell you what can’t wear? Does he dictate who you spend time with? Does he even tell you the foods that you can or can’t eat? If so, then it’s abuse. Your boyfriend should never have control over the choices you make. They’re yours.

    1. Does he insult you regularly?

    By insult, I mean does he put you down? If he makes you feel inadequate, stupid, and just makes you feel like a worthless person, you’re in an abusive relationship. Just because he’s not physically hurting you at the time, doesn’t mean he won’t eventually. Abuse is abuse and insulting is the road to physical harm.

    What You Need to Know

    If you have read the above statements and discovered that you’re in an abusive relationship, there might be a million things running through your mind. You may be trying to make excuses for him because you’re simply in denial about the abuse. Here’s what you NEED to know about your abusive relationship.

    1. It is 100% NOT Your Fault

    There is absolutely no way you can spin the situation to make his abuse be your fault. You are a victim. He is in the wrong. You have to understand that if first. You did nothing wrong – he did.

    1. You’re Not Alone

    Many women feel isolated when they’re in an abusive relationship – like no one will understand them or they have no way out. You have to know that you’re not alone in this. There are always people willing to listen and help.

    1. Doing Nothing will Not Make Things Better

    If you’re sitting there thinking that things will get better if you just ignore it and not do anything, you’re wrong. Doing nothing won’t make things better. In fact, they might actually make things worse.

    What to do Next

    After you have accepted that you are indeed in an abusive relationship and have come to terms with all that means, now is time for the next steps. And by next steps, I mean time to get out of this hurtful situation. While it may not be easy, just know that you can do it and you will be supported.

    1. Talk to Someone

    Really, you can go to anyone about this issue; family, friends, even coworkers. Although you might feel strange about talking to someone about a situation that is less that positive, you can’t keep things to yourself. Talking to someone else may also give you strength to face your boyfriend and get the help that you really need and deserve.

    1. Call a Domestic Violence Organization

    Call a Domestic Violence Organization

    There are SO many organizations designed for just this purpose. If you find yourself needing help with your abusive relationship, give an organization a call and they will help you. It’s not only their job, they want to help.

    1. Build Your Confidence to Face Him

    Build Your Confidence to Face Him

    Some men hit their girlfriends because they can. Because the women don’t stand up for themselves. I know it can be scary to do this, but you have to have confidence to stand up to him. If he sees that he can’t push you around, he will stop and might even realize that what he’s doing is wrong – some men don’t realize the harm they’re causing.

    1. Get the Police Involved

    Domestic violence is a huge deal. You could be seriously injured if the abuse goes too far. If you feel that your life is in danger or even unsafe because your boyfriend has hit you, call the police. They will give you support and help you. Your boyfriend hitting you is illegal – so the police are going to do something about it. This is also the best strategy if you’re too afraid to confront him on your own.

    1. LEAVE HIM

    Under no circumstances should you stay with your boyfriend if he has hit you. An abusive relationship must end for the sake of both parties. Your physical and mental health are put at risk in this situation and you have to take action and leave him.

    The Aftermath

    A lot of people think that the damage of an abusive relationship ends when the relationship does, but that’s not always true. The emotional toll an abusive has on a person is a big one and it the effects stay with them long after they leave the abusive person. Here are some steps you can take to overcome the difficulties.

    1. Join a Support Group

    You’re not alone in this. There are people everywhere that have successfully left an abusive relationship and have taken to support groups as a means to cope with the situation. You will have the opportunity to sit and listen to other women’s journeys and even share your own. Use this to your advantage where they’re available. You’ll find strength in hearing other women’s stories and even in sharing your own. You’ll be able to say, “I survived this and came out stronger.”

    1. Work on Bettering Yourself

    Take some time to yourself and focus on creating a better you. After an abusive relationship your mental health can be in a vulnerable state. Take some time and join a gym, focus on projects, do things that just make you feel whole and great. If you really want to feel useful and like you have a place in the world, join a soup kitchen or volunteer at a homeless shelter or a senior living facility.

    1. Gain More Confidence

    If your boyfriend hit you it will take a toll on your confidence. Abusive relationships make women feel helpless and worthless. You’re not! Spend some of your take on gaining more self-confidence post abusive relationship. Something that works amazingly is getting a hot new haircut, hitting the gym more, or even buying a new outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. Then hit the town with some friends! You’ll get the attention you deserve.

    1. Talk to Someone Regularly

    Talk to Someone Regularly

    Whether it is a weekly support group, regular lunches with a friend, or even a therapist, talking to someone about your struggle helps immensely. Keeping your past abusive relationship inside will only create self-loathing and a feeling of being completely alone in the world. After being in a harmful situation for so long, being lonely is the last thing you’ll want to feel. So get talking!

    1. Pick up Some New Hobbies

    Nothing makes someone feel better and more confident like picking up a new hobby. It will make you happy and even distract your mind from all the negativity that you’ve had to endure. Many people find that a creative outlet works wonders on their tattered self-esteem and moods. Painting, drawing, knitting, crocheting, and even writing will aid in your journey to recovery.

    An abusive relationship is nothing to take lightly. Make sure you’re following all of these tips on what you should do if your boyfriend hits you. Have you ever overcome the hardships of an abusive relationship? Let us know what helped you below!

    34 Comments

    1. Deanna

      April 23, 2018 at 9:19 pm

      I have been dating this guy for about 2 years now. A month ago he shoved me while I was driving he hit my arm. He said something that made me mad and I flipped him off I don’t know why I did it but he hit me in response. I then threatened to leave him if he ever hit me again or if he can’t control his anger. Later on he snaps and yells and throws things because I told him he didn’t do all the dishes he only did half of them. He then apologies and I told him before to seek anger management but the hospital here won’t get back to him about sessions. My boyfriend is very nice and good to me most of the time. He takes care of me when I’m injured and sick and he comforts me when I’m emotional. He respects literally everyone and strangers to. The only times he has anger outbursts is when it’s little things at home or when there are bad drivers. Should I give him the chance if he’s trying to change even though he has hit me before? He’s getting less angry now but still has outbursts of anger that scares me.

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 23, 2018 at 9:50 pm

        He has abused you. You should immediately end this relationship. Strengthen your relationships with your family and friends. He has continued to show that he is angry and has outbursts. He will likely abuse you in your future. Speak with the people in your life about your thoughts and feelings. Best of luck, Deanna!

    2. Deanna Mikel Phan

      April 23, 2018 at 9:18 pm

      I have been dating this guy for about 2 years now. A month ago he shoved me while I was driving he hit my arm. He said something that made me mad and I flipped him off I don’t know why I did it but he hit me in response. I then threatened to leave him if he ever hit me again or if he can’t control his anger. Later on he snaps and yells and throws things because I told him he didn’t do all the dishes he only did half of them. He then apologies and I told him before to seek anger management but the hospital here won’t get back to him about sessions. My boyfriend is very nice and good to me most of the time. He takes care of me when I’m injured and sick and he comforts me when I’m emotional. He respects literally everyone and strangers to. The only times he has anger outbursts is when it’s little things at home or when there are bad drivers. Should I give him the chance if he’s trying to change even though he has hit me before? He’s getting less angry now but still has outbursts of anger that scares me.

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 23, 2018 at 9:43 pm

        He has abused you. You should immediately end this relationship. Strengthen your relationships with your family and friends. He has continued to show that he is angry and has outbursts. He will likely abuse you in your future. Speak with the people in your life about your thoughts and feelings. Best of luck, Deanna!

    3. L123

      April 4, 2018 at 2:41 pm

      My partner slapped me two weeks in to the relationship and I forgave him thinking he would not do it again. He always puts me down with words and says things like… you’re so stupid, I can’t even have an intellectual conversation with you and says many more horrible things. Anyways it hasn’t even been 6 months in to the relationships and last week he punched me 4 times in the face over something so little that I said to him. He hasn’t even apologised to me about it and when I asked him why he did it he said that he could and I deserved it. Anyways, I’ve told him I want to end it but now he’s started begging me back and saying he would never do it again so on and on. My question is do you think he would do it again?

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 4, 2018 at 5:14 pm

        He has abused you. You need to exit this relationship immediately. Speak with the authorities, as they will be able to address his actions. If you are able to stay with friends or family, then do so. There is no reason to continue to nourish this relationship. Stay safe, L!

    4. s

      March 31, 2018 at 1:24 pm

      i m in relationshp from 1 year..we r prfct couple..we. r like queen king..we never quarrled ..he loves me like bbby wify kid perfctly..he gives me evrythng ..i give him evryrhng…we both r independant…but today in argument…he taunts me..i taunt him..i nvr abuse him..never hit..but today i abuse him in one word..nd he slap me 7 times…he shake my head..he grab my hairs. .then he hit my nose.
      it ws bleeded..i dnt knw wht to do..i said i leave u..he scared.. he got emotional ..he said sry.m crying from 8 hours..i dnt knw right wrong.? whose fault? i dnt knw wht to do..its shocking..i need some one to talk..but i have nobody ..m in hell plz help

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 1, 2018 at 11:45 pm

        It is not your fault. His actions are his behavior, and you are not responsible for his behavior. He has abused you. You need to end this relationship immediately. Strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. You may need to speak with the government about assistance. Inform the police that you have been abused. Stay safe, S!

    5. A

      March 27, 2018 at 5:46 pm

      I had suspicions that my boyfriend was seeing someone else, as I had seen messages pop up on is phone and he is rather secretive. So I asked him to be straight with me, this is while we are in his car and he is driving. He kicked off, tried to push me out of the car, he got out and dragged me out of the car and chucked me on the floor, I have had concussion for 2 days now. I saw him again to ‘talk’ and he got angry again and smashed my head against a car window, I have bruises on my arms and neck from where he had been grabbing me…

      Our relationship has ended but I feel so lonely, can someone suggest a support group I can contact in my local area.

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 27, 2018 at 9:51 pm

        He has been cheating on you. He abused you. Allow thoughts of this person to fade. Strengthen your connections with your friends and family. This will help you during this time. If you find a local group of people that you can speak with, then do so. Best of luck, A!

    6. Juana

      March 1, 2018 at 11:04 am

      My boyfriend thinks i cheated on him, i gave him reasons to think i did. But i actually never did, i chose to walk away from making that mistake. He later i forms me he cheated on me and now wants me to confess like he did. It started with just grabbing my hair, but now he has hit me a couple of times. He tells me he does it because of my attitude, is it my fault?? I am pregnant and he has recently tried to hit me but i dodged it. It hurts me that he was still willing to hit me when i am pregnant. He also insults me as well. But i feel like it is my fault. I made him think i did him wrong.

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 1, 2018 at 9:17 pm

        He has abused you. He does not respect you. He has cheated on you. His violence will likely escalate. You need to end this relationship. You should speak with the legal authorities. Take this time to strengthen you relationship with your family. Have a great day, Juana!

    7. Londiwe

      February 23, 2018 at 3:29 pm

      My boyfriend hit me while we were watching a movie. I was laying on his chest and a shocking scene came up on the movie and then I said ” HOLY CRAP” out of shock and he hit me really hard on my chest. He doesn’t want me cussing and he’s very controlling, I’m not even allowed to have friends and I feel he uses the Bible as a way to control me. ” everything is a sin” He apologized, went to two or so lessons of therapy and then he promised never to do it again. I love him and I guess I’m just scared of being alone if I leave him, and besides, he just did it once, right? It’s just that I can’t seem to get over it. Should I leave him?

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 24, 2018 at 9:29 pm

        He is abusive. He has shown that he is willing to physically harm you. He is attempting to control you though his misunderstanding of a religious teaching. End this relationship immediately, as it could leave to serious harm. Take this time to strengthen your relationship with your family and friends. Call the authorities is necessary. Best of luck, Londiwe!

    8. Charlotte

      February 7, 2018 at 1:11 am

      I’m on the same page! My bf and I recently go at each other pretty much everyday. I can admit I fight him back cause I’m too stubborn to let him have things his ways. When I do fight back it causes an even MORE dramatic scene where shit is flying everywhere! Sadly the truth is…. We have an 8month year old daughter and she’s really close to him. But lately I’ve been having the urge to leave him or at least go on a break for a month or so. Its very very sad. This is out first child, and can’t just leave the Father to my child. It’s such a hard decision tbh. But I think it’s more ideal amd safer for both me and my baby to flee from him. She’ll grow up seeing us fight continuously and that’ll impact her whole life. It’s just hard you know. . .whats your guys thoughts???

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 7, 2018 at 12:31 pm

        There is no reason that you can not leave the father of your child. He is abusive. Call the authorities. End this relationship. Take this time to strengthen your connection with your family and friends. It is better for your child to be raised in a household that is not abusive. Have a great day, Charlotte!

    9. Jenna

      February 3, 2018 at 9:43 pm

      Hi im in a 4 year relationship and recently my boyfriend has had most of those things he puts me down a lot he calls me stupid and many more things and the other day he slapped me in the face but because i did it first but only because he didnt tell me the turth and this has been going on a lot that he tells me lies of where he is like drinking with his friends. I have thought of leaving him but y really do love him and i feel like he can change but i can no more with all the things he has done to me. I just feel alone if i do leave him because im a very shy person and i dont have many friends. I just dont know what to do

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 3, 2018 at 10:18 pm

        He is abusive. Take this time to strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. There is no reason to continue this relationship. It is possible that you may be seriously harmed. Speak with a police officer if you feel comfortable doing so. There is no reason to contact him. Best of luck, Jenna!

    10. Aliyah

      February 2, 2018 at 10:00 am

      My boyfriend is very Abbusive. The tiniest things set him off. He’s always threatening me of hitting me. And when he finally does loose it I get hit and punched so much. He hits and punches me on the head so it won’t leave a mark and no one will notice. He scares me so much. We have been in a relationship for years now. My family was always against it but they have finally came around and have started to accept him. Our weddings planned and everything’s booked. I’m just so terrified to speak up to someone cos I’m worried about hurting everyone’s feelings. I don’t know what to do.

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 2, 2018 at 5:18 pm

        Your partner is abusive. End this relationship as soon as you are able to do so. It is possible that you are in serious danger. Do not allow your previous financial obligations prevent you from leaving him. Take this time to strengthen your relationships with your family and friends. Call the police if you find that you are in an emergency. Have a great day, Aliyah!

    11. Gemma

      January 27, 2018 at 10:06 am

      I was in an extremely abisive relationship from the age of 16-19. I am almost 21 it has been around a year and a half. It sounds stupid but I am still struggling with what happened to me. I was hit daily, he would pin me down by the head and punch my legs and sides, once cracking my rib, he tried to blind me with acetone and his favourite thing was to throw things on me, like emptying bottles of soap and big bottles of liquid over my head, he would just stand over me laughing and I would sit there terrified to move, he would block my friends off my social media and phone so I couldn’t speak to them and even now when I try and speak to new people I find I flinch away when anyone comes too close to me. I have never had anyone to speak to about what happened, I just feel stupid that this long on I find myself thinking about it a lot of the time. i just don’t know what to do. Can I access these services if I’m no longer in the abusive relationship, it’s the after math.

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 27, 2018 at 9:59 pm

        Thank you for sharing your experiences, and we appreciate your insights. It is beneficial that you have left this relationship, and time may help heal these wounds. Take this time to nourish your relationship with friends and family. Perhaps attempt to develop relationships with women that will help you develop trust in a close emotional connection. Please feel free to share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Gemma!

    12. Anon

      December 14, 2017 at 8:12 am

      If I pushed him first cause he wasn’t making sense and was being angry and irrational…am I the abuser? Does it not matter what happened after if I started it?

      • web admin

        web admin

        December 14, 2017 at 11:21 pm

        If your partner has chosen to physically abuse you, then end the relationship. If he is acting in such a manner that you felt that you needed to push him away, then end the relationship. There is no reason for you to continue this relationship. Take this time to become closer with your family and friends. Best of luck, Anon!

    13. Debbie england

      November 12, 2017 at 3:13 pm

      Imy boyfriend beating me up when we r on drugs this time was serious I don’t know what to do I feel isolated when I speak to him he still abusing me

      • web admin

        web admin

        November 13, 2017 at 4:30 pm

        Avoid all contact with this person. Block and delete him from all of your social media accounts. Take this time to return to your family or to another close friend. Abstain from using drugs from this point forward. Call the police and report his actions. Best of luck, Debbie!

    14. Anon

      October 9, 2017 at 2:24 am

      Hi – thanks for this. The guy will hit me and make it sound like its my fault. He will say you see if u didnt misbehave then your eye wouldnt be red. Your face wouldnt be swollen. Its your fault you need to listen. He will threaten me. belittle me. Make me feel like Im the worst person. I want out. Every time I want out he will start begging and doing sweet things promising to not do it again but he will. I am tired. Im not the same person anymore. I miss the old me.

      • web admin

        web admin

        October 10, 2017 at 7:27 pm

        You are in an abusive relationship, and you are aware that you are in an abusive relationship. Leave as soon as possible, and call the police if you are willing to do so. It would be in your best interest to speak with the police. If you have family or friends that you can stay with, then move into their houses as soon as possible. It is possible that your life is in danger. You are a strong person who can do what you need to do to survive. Best wishes, Anon!

    15. T

      February 25, 2017 at 8:03 pm

      Why does he hit me when he says he loves me. I haven’t give him child and he makes fun of me because of this he tells me everyone hates me

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 26, 2017 at 2:09 pm

        Leave him. He is both physically and emotionally abusive. His actions will only become more violent and damaging as time passes. You will find that life will become much better for you if you expel him from your life. Become closer with your family and friends at this time. Best of luck, T!

    16. Kasandra

      February 16, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      My kids and i r subject to abuse i have no one to talk to . Where or how do i go about finding a counselling group with women with same issues

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 17, 2016 at 5:11 pm

        I would start by looking online. Type in the name of your city or county along with search terms like “women’s crisis center”, “domestic abuse counseling” and/or “domestic abuse support groups”. If a result does not appear, you can always try using Google Maps to see if any locations pop up. At the very least, you could visit a social worker, a police officer or your doctor and ask about what to do. Your doctor would be an excellent way to privately, secretly ask for help. If you are in an abusive situation, you need to get help right away. If there are friends or family members that you can stay with, reach out to them. Good luck, Kasandra and stay safe!

    17. Peter Edwards

      February 14, 2016 at 2:52 pm

      No man should ever lift a hand to their girlfriend, wife or child. Abuse is abuse whether that is verbal or physical. Reporting it is the first thing you should always do, even if they promise it will never happen again.

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 14, 2016 at 6:06 pm

        Agreed. Abuse by any party in the relationship is abuse and should be avoided at all costs. Thanks for commenting, Peter!

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