How to Handle Loving and Dating a Married Man

By on February 24, 2017

Dating married man is not something any of us want to do. We know it’s wrong and harmful, but we can’t always help how we feel. In fact, love is blind. We can never control how we feel about someone – no matter if they’re married or not.

Our feelings don’t just get turned off the second we realize they have a ring. That being said, we can control our action. If you find yourself in the midst of dating a married man, there are different things you should make sure you’re doing to ensure that you really want to go on loving this man.

Handling loving a married man isn’t easy. It can get really complicated, messy, and your feelings could get destroyed in the process. If you still want to move forward with dating a married man, this is everything you should know.

Questions to Ask Yourself First

Don’t go blindly into a relationship with a married man. Before you start something with them, you have to ask yourself a few questions to make sure it’s something you really want to do.

  1. Are you just lonely?

This is a must-ask question. Are you just lonely with your life and you’re looking for some fun and a married guy is the only person there? If you only want to hook up with someone and have a joy ride, don’t do so with a married man. The chance of ruining his marriage isn’t’ worth your loneliness.

  1. Is their relationship healthy?

How is his relationship with his wife? You may think it’s terrible based on the fact that he’s out with you, but the truth is, many men have it great at home and love their wife, they’re just out looking for fun. This means they’ll manipulate you into thinking they’re miserable so you’ll take pity on them.

  1. Do they really have feelings for you?

Like I mentioned above, some men just want fun. Do you really want to waste your time with a married man who you never have a chance of actually being with? Does he really have feelings for you or is he just fabricating them so you’ll climb into his bed?

  1. Can you live with the consequences?

There are many, many consequences of dating a married man and you have to make sure you’re someone who can live with those consequences before moving forward. You can see some of the most important ones listed in another section so you can decide for yourself.

  1. Are you willing to risk your reputation for them?

We all know what happens when word gets out that a man was cheating on his wife. The other girl becomes the talk of the town – and not in a good way. That being said, you have to ask yourself if you’re ready for the ridicule if something like that ever happens. If you’re not, you need to think twice about loving him.

  1. Did he admit to being married up front?

This is important for a lot of reasons. If he told you right away that he was married and you pursued him, then he was giving you an opportunity to leave. That basically means he has no plans of leaving so he didn’t need to hide it. Therefore, you can’t have a future with him.

  1. Are you okay with being put on the backburner?

A husband’s wife and kids – if they have any – will come first. If you’re in dire need of him but he has a prior commitment with them, he won’t go to you. Are you able to deal with being put on the backburner and not being a priority in his life? Because that’s the reality of dating a married man.

  1. Do you think they’ll ever get a divorce?

The main purpose of dating someone is to build a future with them. If you don’t think they’ll ever leave their wife, what’s the point? If you can see them gearing up for a divorce and that’s why they went out seeking a new companion, then it’s a better situation.

  1. Could you handle the drama of a divorce?

Divorce comes with a lot of drama for the husband. Are you ready to deal with all of that right beside him? Are you ready to help him through such a difficult time? Because if you two end up in a serious relationship and he leaves his wife for you, that’ll be your reality.

  1. How well do you really know him?

Do you know them all that well in the first place or do you think you know them? Many married men take on a new persona when having an affair and you have to realize that. Do you really know the man you’re with to his core or do you just know a fraction of him that you get after his wife gets him?


Things to Remember

It’s important not to let love blind you in the case of dating a married man. It can be really hard during certain times and you have to maintain a clear head so you can think logically about things.

  1. His wife and kids (if he has them) will come first.

This is what you have to deal with. No matter how much you want to see him or need him by your side, he will never be able to put you first so long as he’s married. If you don’t remember this, it can cause a lot of heartache and you’ll be upset the majority of the time.

  1. Things will shift from fun to serious and it can be hard.

When a man is having an affair, he’s having fun. He’s hooking up and getting something fresh. But if the two of you decide to take things to a serious level, it can be really hard to talk about and live with if they don’t want to leave their wife.

  1. It’s very likely he will never leave his wife for you.

This is something you can never forget. The majority of men will NEVER leave their wives for their mistress. They will have fun with you and maybe actually care a lot about you, but in the end, his wife is the woman he gave his vows to and promised to be with forever.

  1. He’s still sleeping with his wife – no matter what he says.

Do you really want to be having sex with a man who’s having sex with someone else? Because that’s what you have to remember when he says he’s not sleeping with his wife. He still is. He can’t not sleep with her or she’d get suspicious and truthfully, he wants to have sex with her.

  1. You will be judged for this by friends and family.

Get ready or the judgment if you want to date and love a married man. Your friends and family will probably not be supportive at all and that can be a difficult thing to get past. The truth is, dating a married man is taboo to many people and you’ll be judged hard for it and people may not like you anymore.


Tips for Dating a Married Man

Now that you know all of that and you still want to move forward with dating a married man, there are a few things you can do to make it easier. Here are some tips to keep things from going south.

  1. Never force him to choose.

This is the worst thing you can do and ultimately, you will lose him for doing this. If you want to make things work while dating a married man, you have to give him the choice and you can’t force him to make it. He will choose you if his heart desires, but just remember that he probably won’t.

  1. Abide by a set schedule for communicating and seeing each other.

Don’t go calling him whenever and wherever. If he asks you to only call during a certain time on a certain phone, then you must agree to that. If you want the relationship to work, you have to stick to a schedule so his wife won’t find out and ruin everything.

  1. Don’t go blabbing about it to everyone.

Don’t gossip about your relationship and the state of it to everyone. The truth is, it’s really taboo to date a married man and others will likely tell more people and it’ll end up getting back to his wife and your relationship will be completely over.

  1. Don’t put him first.

This may seem like an odd tip, but think about it. He’s not putting you first, is he? He has a family to put ahead of you and you have to make sure you’re treating him equally. Don’t make them a priority until you are theirs. Make sure you have your own life and put others ahead of him so he knows that you won’t put him first until you’re first.

  1. Be honest with yourself.

If you can’t see the relationship going anywhere and you can’t see him divorcing his wife, then keep that in mind at all times. Don’t just shove those feelings down deep and ignore them.


Rules to Follow

Dating a married man isn’t like dating other men. Sure, the same principals apply, but there are a whole host of other rules you must follow if you want to make your relationship with him work.

  1. Make it worth your time.

This is the number one rule you have to follow. If the relationship is going to be a complete waste of time, then you should look elsewhere. Your time is precious and you only have one life. You need to learn to live it and make the time you spend worth a damn.

  1. Communicate your feelings regularly.

Make sure to keep him in the loop with everything you’re feeling. If you’re feeling guilty, tell him. If you’re feeling like you’re falling in love, make sure he knows it. This can help make sure your relationship is going somewhere.

  1. Set your expectations early.

Don’t just waltz into the relationship with no standards or expectations. Tell him that you want something real with him – not just a hookup. By doing this, you’re giving them the choice to give you those things or walk away.

  1. Don’t fall for his “I’ll get divorced someday” speech.

If he’s repeatedly telling you that he will get a divorce eventually, don’t fall for that crap. Many guys like to dangle false hope in front of their mistresses in an attempt to keep them around. They don’t want to lose you, but they don’t actually want to be with you either.

  1. Maintain your normal lifestyle.

Don’t change anything about your life for this person. Keep going to your volleyball games, maintain your friendships, and don’t warp your life around what they need you to do. They’re not worth you changing everything about your life just for them.

The Consequences

Dating a married man doesn’t come without consequences. Truthfully, there are many. However, we’re going to touch on the main consequences of dating a married man so you can truly decide if you’re ready for it.

  1. Your reputation can be ruined.

This is a big one. If word gets out about your affair, your reputation can get squashed. You’ll be the “other woman” and many people will be concerned about bringing their husbands near you. And it’ll just make you look terrible.

  1. You can get your heart broken.

The reality of dating a married man is that the relationship will likely be short. Not many men actually divorce their wives so they can be with their mistresses. This can completely break your heart if you’re not ready for it.

  1. You could be wasting your time.

Wasted time is a reality of loving and dating a married man. If the relationship never amounts to anything, you’ll have wasted all that time being with someone who really didn’t ever see a future with you. You’ll end up realizing just how much you could’ve done with the time you wasted waiting for him to call or waiting for him to sneak away.

  1. Altercations with his wife.

Women are hurt and angrier than you can imagine if they find out their husband is cheating and you can bet that she’ll confront you about it, as well. Since you knew he was married, she’ll have a lot of hate toward you and you’ll have to deal with some altercations with her.

  1. Feeling ashamed all the time.

You now dating a married man isn’t the right thing. You know he’s disrespecting his wife and it’s wrong. Are you able to live with feeling ashamed much of the time for what you’re doing? You will have moments where you feel fine and others where you’re ashamed with yourself. Can you life with that?

Dating a married man isn’t something any woman should do. You should wait for him to be divorced or not get involved at all. But if you’re a slave to your heart and can’t help it, this is everything you should know.


  1. Avatar


    August 23, 2019 at 7:04 pm

    I am dating a married man going on 3 years ! He managed to get me an apartment so we don’t rent rooms. He takes off with me on vacations for weeks at a time. We typically spend 2 nights together every week. I do have my own children single mom .We have been friends for 10 years as well . His wife has reached out to me I just ignored her I’m not into drama! She mentioned I could have him she doesn’t care. I don’t understand what type of women would allow such thing. I’m trying to detach myself but it’s hard. I find myself un Happy at times not is not me.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 25, 2019 at 8:01 pm

      You have caused drama. You are helping her husband cheat on her, so you are the reason behind all of the drama in this relationship. You do not get to pretend that you have nothing to do with her suffering. You are responsible for the end of this relationship. You have purposefully and intentionally ended this relationship. Good day, Shelly.

  2. Avatar


    July 30, 2019 at 10:58 am

    I am in love with a married man as well. Been in a relationship with him for 2 years…..I tried to break up with him once but I felt guilty after breaking up with him because he’s just been good to me all along. I can’t manage to leave without him and I love him very much

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 30, 2019 at 2:38 pm

      You are aware that he is married. Allow thoughts of him to fade. Make the decision to determine what you want for your future without him. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will benefit from no longer communicating with him. If his relationship naturally ends, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. Have a great day, Talia!

  3. Avatar


    July 3, 2019 at 3:18 am

    I just met a married man and I’m confused about how to go with it…and I don’t know how to ask him

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 3, 2019 at 7:33 pm

      He is married. Allow thoughts of him to fade, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. You will be able to find someone that is single whose partner will not be hurt by your action. Have a great day, Zainy!

  4. Avatar

    Kameka H

    June 7, 2019 at 5:25 am

    I am a married woman and i am talking to an old school mate whom is married too they have a child together none of that is private so recently we started talkkng to each other we live in two different countries so we’re doing this for fun t he thing is i like him an he likes me so i don’t know if i need to get sexual with him as the like will change to love an am gonna have problems with my husband.he tells me i am sweet an such but thats something that i hardly get from my husband should i tell him not to compliment me? The last married guy i dated he left without an explination an we didnt have any issue so should i tell him cool with the compliments or call it quit .he very nice an i been like him for about 8years now

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 8, 2019 at 12:06 am

      You are currently married. You are aware that this person is married as well. It is acceptable to maintain a friendship with him, but do not attempt to nourish a romantic relationship with him. Focus your emotional energy on your current partner, and spend additional time with him person to strengthen your relationship. Have a great day, Kameka!

  5. Avatar


    May 13, 2019 at 5:00 pm

    I’m dating a married man. I’m in a relationship as well. He’s told me he’ll never leave his wife because she’s a good life partner. Neither of us want it to go further. We’ve both said I love you. This has been building for nearly 2 years now. I’m not really sure what we’re really getting out of it other than someone to sext with because we haven’t even managed sex yet. Yet I don’t want to let him go and he doesn’t either. We’ve both tried at separate times to end it and we got back together in less than a week. Honestly, we’re just best friends that have taken things too far and going back to just that friendship level isn’t an option

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 13, 2019 at 9:14 pm

      He is married. You are in a relationship. Both of you are aware that there is no future for this relationship. Continuing to cheat on your partners will only cause them further harm. Eventually the two of you will be caught, and this will permanently harm many people. Determine what you want for your future without him. Nourish your relationship with your partner by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Brittany!

  6. Avatar


    September 20, 2018 at 1:09 pm

    Have been dating tbis other married man. He says he love me and I love him too. He doesnt mention anything about his wife at least he talks about his children. We have sex once a week and sometimes we go outside the city for fun. When i want sex he is not there but when he wants some am there. I sometimes make a decision to leave him but he just pops up as if he knew what i wanted to do. I want to leave him but am failing.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 20, 2018 at 9:29 pm

      You are interested in developing and maintaining an equal relationship. You want someone who can meet your needs. He is married, so allow thoughts of him to fade. Inform him that you are no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with him. If his relationship naturally ends, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings at that time. For now, determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Peace!

  7. Avatar


    July 2, 2018 at 8:59 pm

    I fell hard for a married man. He does everything for me. Pays the rent, fixes my car, gives me money, takes me out, etc. I recently asked him if he was planning to leave his wife at some point. He told me that he was not going to leave her because she deserved a second chance. I’m so deeply in love with him but I’m feeling that the best thing for me to do is move on. He does not want me to date other men even though he has a wife at home. He is always checking up on me and has followed me on a number of occasions. I’m just so in love with this man. It really hurts. Leaving him is hard. I have broken up with him 3 times only to go back into the relationship with him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 3, 2018 at 11:43 pm

      You are correct. The best this for you is to no longer maintain this relationship. He is married. You do not want to attempt to harm his partner by your actions. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Vee!

  8. Avatar

    kavy vy vyes

    June 4, 2018 at 9:10 pm

    I am in relationship with married man and he is older then me our age distanceis too far, but i was seen in this relationship he is best terms of caring and loving me. He have a plan to get married with me. However being a young girl i have to think twice aboput married him. He is truely in love with me and to his wife as well, he never been talk bad about his wife to me.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 4, 2018 at 11:08 pm

      He is married. The two of you share a strong emotional connection. However, this relationship is or will cause emotional harm to an innocent person. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Strengthen your relationships with your family and friends. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Kavy!

  9. Avatar


    May 10, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    Me, also having the same issue. It is current and yet, I am getting deeper inlove with him. He mentioned that he does not want me to be away. Don’t know what to do. It’s really hard for me to control my feelings, that’s why I end up lonely, sad, then i’ll be okay after a day. I am seeing him everyday since we are on same working place. Just the schedule is a little bit different. To make it also clear, we support each other, especially on financial, since me already have kids too. I’m a single mother with 2 kids, him with 4 kids and his wife. Though, for me, I am not insisting him to give me support, It’s just if it really is needed. Sometimes, I feel wanted to give up, but I end up thinking all the effort I made for him. I’m thinking that those effort will be wasted if I let go of him. I really love him. I also feel the same way, ofcourse, reality bites as well. He’s married. Please give me advice on what to do. Thanks.

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 10, 2018 at 9:25 pm

      You have stated the most important part of your situation. He is married, and because of that, you should not attempt to develop a relationship with him. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with him and everyone else in your life. The two of you can continue to support each other. If your friendship causes trouble in his marriage, then reduce your interactions. Have a great day, Chi!

  10. Avatar


    April 3, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    Falling for a married guy is no joke.
    in my case we were in love way before he got married but we didnt do anything.Im ashamed to say i even attended his wedding.All that love was still there,he reached out after a while but i didnt like the idea of being a forward a few years and here we are sleeping together a couple of times a week.I want to end it but I also dont want to lose him.I can’t.
    I may be blinded by a LOT but i love him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 3, 2018 at 10:29 pm

      He is in a relationship. He just got married. Do not attempt to continue to nourish this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with his wife. Do not reach out to this person. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Grace!

  11. Avatar


    March 7, 2018 at 5:08 pm

    I met him online. He concealed that hes married, if I have known I wouldnt continue our relationship but Its too late when I found out that hes married as I fall for him already. Fast forward, we continue our relationship. We met and had fun. Later on he said he wanted to end because he feel guilty. So on my part I was desperate not to end, I messaged him everyday. At some point I gave up. I think after a month he messaged me and for me nothings changed I forgave him but I know he changed but on my part its okay as long as hes still with me. I know am desperate but thats how i feel i really love him.
    I know this is wrong. I just need some hammer to put on my head to wake me up with this insanity.

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 7, 2018 at 5:39 pm

      He is married. There is no reason to attempt to maintain a relationship with him. Do not continue to attempt to harm his relationship. There is no benefit to be gained in doing so. Allow thoughts of him to fade. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Take this time to determine what you want with your future without him. Have a great day, Lily!

      • Avatar


        March 7, 2018 at 9:20 pm

        I know I must stop. But its like an addiction that I cant help my self as of this time. He will contact me if he want something and after that he’ll ignore me again. I want to forget him but its so hard on my part. Im sick and tired of being treated like a trash. I really want to stop this shitty relationship but I cant. What should I do?
        Thank you for your advice.

        • web admin

          web admin

          March 8, 2018 at 9:01 pm

          It sounds as though you are aware that you need to remove yourself from this relationship. Take this time to yourself. Do not reach out to this person for two weeks. If you think about him, then allow that to remind you to live in the moment. Take a deep breath and focus on what you are doing at that moment. If you are doing nothing, then focus on your breath. This will ensure that your thoughts and emotional connection with him fade. Have a great day, Lily!

  12. Avatar


    November 5, 2017 at 6:18 am


    So I recently started dating a married man. I’m a mom of two and live at home after returning from my seperation with my ex. So after him needing me from time to time. It’s awkward leaving home and sneaking off for the weekend. We go out together in public and be all lovey dovey. He will never leave his wife that I know. I mentioned to him that I need to move out and get a place. He briefly discussed how we would work around that. His concerns are that should we break up or should he die what will happen.or I decide to leave him how we would handle that. He can purchase the house but how should I work around the constraints that his married. Please advise what is benefits and consequences I’m to carry.

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 5, 2017 at 8:20 pm

      There are no benefits to continuing this relationship. These actions will only cause harm to yourself, him, his partner, and his family. Stop communicating with him at this time. Look inward and determine what you want for your future. Think about his partner and how your actions are influencing her emotional. Good day, Hilda.

  13. Avatar


    September 9, 2017 at 8:52 am

    I have fallen for a married man as well. I know that this whole thing is not healthy for me, as I tried breaking up with him multiple times throughout the course of our 5 month, and continuing affair. But he reels me back in somehow, telling me things like I have his heart, and he doesn’t want to lose me, that he’s staying for the stability of his children, and to be patient…all the while saying, …But we can’t make any promises.”

    I just tried breaking up with him probably for the 4th or 5th time this past week, only to find myself in the back of his truck, at our usual “spot” like 3 days later.

    I don’t know how to break it off without sounding insecure or crazy being that I keep going and coming back again lol.

    What do I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 9, 2017 at 9:28 pm

      You have made the decision to end your relationship. You have ended your relationship and you have continued to return. You are giving him confusing signs, and his focus on you is not good for his family. Remove yourself from his life. Do not meet with him or communicate with him. If he communicates with you, then explain that he needs to focus on his wife. New opportunities will become available. Good day, Whyme.

  14. Avatar


    September 7, 2017 at 11:19 am

    I am in love with a married man. He treats me like no one else ever has. Yea he might not leave his wife. So what. He and I are extremely close in all ways. I love being with him and he loves being with me. It does bother me very much for her. I am a dirt bag. I won’t give him up .FML

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 8, 2017 at 8:36 pm

      You would be best served by taking this time to look inward and determine what kind of life that you want. If you want a life that is destructive to relationships and trust, then perhaps you should speak with this man about his relationship with his wife. Perhaps speak with his wife about your feelings. If you want to live a life of kindness and compassion, then allow these feelings to fade. A new opportunity, one without harm, will become available in the future. Good day, Sjm.

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