How to Stop Fighting With Your Boyfriend
Every couple fights. That’s something you’ll have to deal with no matter who you’re with. And fighting with your boyfriend is completely healthy – unless it gets to a point where you’re fighting more than you’re having fun. If the bad times outweigh the good times, it’s time to take a break and think about finding a solution.
No couple wants to sit and fight all the time. You’re with someone to enjoy their company, not argue with them about every single little thing. That means you’ll have to come up with different ways to stop fighting with your boyfriend.
While it may seem difficult to just stop fighting, there are different ways you can make it happen. Keep in mind that not all couples are the same and you’ll have to find out which techniques work best for you.
- Stop bringing up the past.
This is a huge reason couples get into fights. They both bring up issues in the past that were supposed to have been solved. Sure, you may not be happy that something happened, but if you already argued about it and found a solution, you can’t bring it up again – unless this current argument it for the same thing that was done before.
- Don’t do things that anger them.
If you know something angers them, why would you do it? If you know something it going to lead into an argument, then just avoid doing it. If you’re no upsetting your boyfriend to the point of him wanting got fight with you, then there will be no fighting. Simple as that.
- Don’t sweep major issues under the rug.
Most couples bicker here and there and then don’t address the main concern of the issue. If all you do is argue and then sweep the main problem under the rug, you’ll just continue to argue all the time. Never do this if you want to stop fighting with your boyfriend.
- Accept their little quirks – even if they annoy you.
There are going to be things that you’re unhappy with about your boyfriend. No one you’re with is going to be 100% amazing all of the time. But if you want to stop fighting about those things, you’re going to have to accept them. If you truly care about him and those issues don’t change the dynamic of your relationship, let them go so your fights don’t ruin it.
- Get to the bottom of the issue.
Like I mentioned before, don’t just ignore the main problem. Yes, you’ll fight about things that are the result of a bigger decision, but if you don’t address those big problems, you’re going to keep fighting about that same thing over and over again. Therefore, you have to get to the bottom on the main issue, and solve it. And don’t just “solve it” to stop fighting. You have to be able to walk away completely content with the outcome.
- Don’t hold back when you’re upset about something.
When you’re arguing or you’re upset about something, don’t just sit and ignore it. Don’t bottle up all of your emotions or you’ll end up “exploding” one day. When you hold all your emotions inside, you’re setting yourself up for fighting with your boyfriend. Communicate with him. Tell him how you feel.
- Don’t think you’re all innocent.
Don’t forget to take some of the blame every once in a while. Sure, if your boyfriend did something wrong, that’s one thing. But when people are fighting, there is usually two people at fault. Own up to your mistakes and apologize for them. If you constantly deny it, you’ll be fighting about that! It’s hard to look at yourself and put some of blame on you when you think it’s all your partner’s fault, but you have to be able to be mature about it if you want to stop fighting.
- Don’t justify your behavior with something they did.
If you find yourself saying, “but you did,” you’re already in the fault. You should never justify your own actions based on something they did. You’re in a relationship. You should never try to get back at your boyfriend when he made you angry. That’ll only prolong the arguing! Plus, it’s also really immature.
- Stop the repeating problems.
If you’re always fighting about the same things, then you two need to sit down and figure out how you can come to a solution to stop the repeated behaviors. You should never have to argue about the same things over and over again. One argument should be enough to come to a solution about it. If the problem is repeated on their end, see below for more information.
- Remember that a relationship is about loving and not fighting.
It’s easy to forget about how much you love your boyfriend when you’re burning with anger for them. But you have to take a step back and remember that your relationship should be based off love and understanding. This may help you to calm down and talk things through instead of continuing to fight about it.
- Try to see his side of the equation.
Put yourself in his shoes. I know that sounds cliché and you’ve heard it a hundred times, but it really does help. Maybe you fight a lot because you don’t think about how he feels about certain things. So put yourself in his shoes and try to access the situation as if you were him. You may discover that you understand why he’s so angry much easier. This can help solve your problem.
- Don’t throw insults into your argument.
Insulting someone during an argument is a horrible thing to do – especially if it has nothing to do with why you’re mad in the first place. If you just keep throwing insults at him while you’re fighting, the arguing will never end. Why? Because they’ll have more things to be mad about and more things to fight with you about. So keep the insults to yourself because you may say something you’ll regret later, when you’re not mad.
Signs Your Fights Aren’t Fixable
Couples fight for all kinds of reasons and most of the time, it’s because you care so much about the other person. But there are certain signs that the fighting may be a bigger issue than you can overcome.
- They don’t even try to listen to you.
If a person doesn’t even care about the fact that you’re upset or that you want to fix something, then why are you even with them? This is a sign that they don’t really care about you or respect you enough to try and come to a solution. If they just ignore when you bring a problem to them, you won’t be able to fix anything.
- They never put forth the effort to make it better.
When a boyfriend cares about you and your happiness, they’ll put in the effort to make things better for you. They’ll fix what you tell them to and you’ll really try hard – just as you would do for him. If this isn’t the case, you may never be able to fix the fighting that’s going on between the two of you.
- They don’t care when you’re upset with them.
If you are upset and mad and tell them this and they just shrug and walk away, you won’t be able to stop the fighting. And that’s because you’re the only person arguing. You can’t have a fight with someone who just doesn’t care that you’re upset. Sure, they may fight with you, but it’ll be more about how you’re inconveniencing them with your discontent.
- They get mad at your for EVERY little thing you do.
If you’re just in the room and making a little noise and they go off on you and start a fight, you may be in trouble. Some boyfriends will get really annoyed and just pick fights at anything and everything when they’re not happy in a relationship. This happens more often than you’d think but us girls just don’t see the correlation. If you’re not doing anything to cause him to be rationally angry, then you may not be able to fix the fighting or save your relationship.
- They fight just to argue – not to solve the problem.
If they bring up arguments that really don’t have much meaning or a problem behind it, they could just be fighting to fight. This is especially noticeable if you offer solutions to the problem and they don’t even care to try or they don’t even listen to those solutions. Someone who argues with you but doesn’t want to actually find a solution is someone who doesn’t want one. Therefore, the fighting will never really end.
As said before, fighting in a relationship is natural – especially when you care about someone so much. But that doesn’t mean it’s a fun thing to do. These tips can help end the fighting so you can have a happier and healthier relationship.