How to Get Over a Long Term Relationship

By on October 18, 2015

Getting over a long term relationship can be a real struggle. You thought this special someone in your life- whom you’ve been dating for years- was your soul mate. The two of you were supposed to marry, have children, find your dream house, and grow old together; and now all of the sudden, that dream has been shattered. What now? How are you supposed to deal with such a great loss? Try out these 10 steps to help the grieving process speed by and seem much easier!

1. Accept the Truth
After breaking up with the person you’ve loved for so long, it may be difficult to really grasp what has happened. It may seem so unreal, something you simply can’t accept. You’re probably thinking things will go back to normal tomorrow or the two of you will whisk back into romance in no time. But you need to accept that it’s over. As hard as it is, the relationship has come to an end and you need to accept it for what it truly is.

2. Don’t Overthink It
It’s a tough breakup, no doubt. You’re mind is probably consumed with a countless number of questions. “What went wrong?” “What did I do?” “How can I fix this?” But honestly, spending hours pondering on these questions isn’t going to help in the slightest. Yes, you should reflect on the relationship as a whole, but it shouldn’t consume your thoughts. Learn from your mistakes, remember the good times, and use the breakup to grow instead of drive you mad.

3. Find a New Hobby
Finding a new hobby is an excellent way to move forward in your life! You will be able to learn and try something new, and you may find it’s something you absolutely love; and you may have never of found this awesome hobby if the breakup never happened! So don’t stick to the usual set of hobbies you usually do. Seek out a new hobby, even if it’s something you think you won’t like. It will take your mind off the hard time and leave you with a new fun hobby or skill to indulge in whenever you want.

4. Hang Out With Friends
You know what they say: laughter is the best medicine; and this couldn’t be any truer! Who do we always turn to when we’re looking for a great time filled with laughs? Our best friends! After  a long term relationship breakup, call up all your best buddies. Let them know you’re in desperate need of some good time and I’m sure they’ll have no problem picking you up and taking you out for a night of enjoyment. Maybe you all could head to the beach? Maybe the spa for some pedicures and girl talk? Or perhaps a couple drinks and hours on the dance floor will do the trick. Either way, your friends will know exactly what to do and say to cheer you up!

5. Do Things You Enjoy
After a breakup, you’re alone. You’re on your own. There’s no better time to do the things that YOU love. You don’t have to wonder if your boyfriend or girlfriend will enjoy or approve of your activities, and you don’t have to follow any set of rules. You’re your own person now and you can do everything you enjoy. So don’t hold back! If it makes you happy and it’s something you enjoy doing, do it!

6. Work on Yourself
Now that you’re single, it’s also a great time to work on yourself. You don’t have to worry about helping out and cheering on your partner anymore, so you can focus one hundred percent on YOU. This could mean any number of things, from joining a gym to taking a new class at the community college. You may want to work on your public speaking, so you decide to take a public speaking class at the library. Maybe you want to learn a new sport or language? There’s so much you can do for YOURSELF. Not only will it help you take your mind off the terrible breakup, but it will also build your confidence and bring you back to a happy and content state of mind.

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7. Spend Some Time Away
Sometimes the best solution to a nearby problem is to simply escape. Go somewhere you love or maybe even somewhere you’ve never been before. Enjoy every second of it. As the phrase goes, ‘Out of sight, out of mind’, and it can really be useful if you’re struggling with the long term relationship breakup. Spend your weekend away- you may want to do it completely by yourself so you can do all the things you want to do and just reflect on yourself, or you may bring along a friend or group of friends to really amp up the vacation.

8. Don’t Speak Negatively About Them
A lot of individuals think it’ll help them get over their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend by bad mouthing them. Yeah, you might be angry and hurt. But no, you still care about them deeply and you wouldn’t have stayed with them if you really thought those things. You see, speaking negatively about your ex may seem like an easy fix for a big problem, but it only makes things worse. Instead of speaking negatively about them, try to limit talking them period. If you do have something to say about them, keep it as positive or neutral as possible.

9. Try to Avoid Communication With Them
Long term relationship breakups are even more difficult because you are used to talking to that special someone EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now, suddenly that has come to a close and you’re probably feeling very lost and lonely; and that’s totally natural. However, you want to avoid any and all communication with them. This will only cause problems and you probably won’t get the response you’re seeking from your ex. (Not to mention you’ll probably look a little bit on the desperate or annoying side!) Now, if you have children together or for some other reason can’t completely break off communication, keep the talking to a minimum.

10. Don’t Rush Into a New Relationship
For some, getting over a relationship means running to a new one. But as we all know, the ‘rebound’ never works out in the long run. (And if it does, you’re in a very, very small percentage of people!) A breakup simply cannot be fixed by another relationship. You need to take time to heal, get over your ex, and gain confidence within yourself once again. Only then will you be able to make a good decision about your love life and find someone to share your life with. Now I’m not saying you can’t flirt- go ahead! But anything serious shouldn’t be considered until well after the breakup has occurred.

I get it- long term relationship breakups are the worst. They’re one of the most heartbreaking events that will ever happen in your life. But by simply focusing on yourself, having fun with your friends, and spending some time away, you can help the process go by much smoother.

Have you ever had a long term relationship that went south? How did you handle it?

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