He Says He Just Wants to Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

By on June 10, 2018

When you love someone, you want them to love you back right away and to know how they feel. After telling your crush how much you liked him, he told you that he just wants to be friends. Hearing this is a blow, but you started to move on and heal over time. The only problem is that his actions show a different mindset. He says he just wants to be friends, but his actions show differently. He is acting like your boyfriend and becoming jealous when other guys seem close to you. How can he be jealous if he only wants to have you as a friend? Is he trying to mess with your heart or is there another reason for the way that he is acting?

 he says he wants to be friends but i know he likes me

He Says He Just Wants to Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

Men have a habit of sending confusing signals. Unfortunately, we can’t be mind readers. Unless you can divine what is going on in his mind, you have to try to guess what he wants. Luckily, there are a few tools at your disposal. There are common signs and body language that can show what a guy actually wants.

When you asked him about it, he says he just wants to be friends. His actions show another side to the story. For some reason, his body language and behavior keeps showing that he would like to be more than just friends with you. At first, it might make you hopeful. Before long, you probably feel frustrated and annoyed. How could he possibly say he just wants to be friends when his actions say that he wants so much more?

The most common reason is that he does not know what he actually wants. He may be afraid of ruining your friendship by dating, or he may not understand all of his feelings for you. He may have a bigger crush on someone else that he wants to pursue first, or he may be unable to date because he is so busy right now. If he just got out of a bad relationship, he might want to heal and be single before he tries dating again. Whatever the case, there are many reasons why he might want to be friends, even if he has feelings for you.

If you are confused about whether he likes you as more than just a friend, there are a few common signs to look for. These body language signs can help you tell if your crush could want something more from you—at least, whenever he gets around to consciously realizing it.

He Says He Just Wants to Be Friends But His Actions Show Differently

The Tops Signs He Likes You As More Than a Friend

1. He Likes to Surprise You

Someone is not going to go out of their way to create an elaborate surprise for just a friend. A small gift or snack would be a friendly gesture, but a birthday scavenger hunt is certainly not. If your guy goes out of his way to remember what you like and to surprise you with it, then he may want to be more than just friends.

2. He Likes to Spend Time With Just You

Friends are fine with hanging out in a group. If he tries to spend alone time with you, then he may have more than just friendly feelings. Also, look at how he acts when he is in a group. If he focuses on you or always watches where you go in the group, then he may have deeper feelings.

3. He Tries to Be Intimate

Body language is important. Touching the elbow, brushing hair off of your face or sitting super close to you are all signs that he may want to be more than friends. This is especially true if you are not close friends yet. You might sit close to or touch a really good friend, but you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that to a casual acquaintance unless you liked them.

4. He Talks to You Constantly

When you wake up in the morning, he sends you a good morning text. Throughout the day, you get a constant stream of texts from him. While some good friends text and talk all the time, it is also possible that he wants something more. At the very least, you can bet that you are always in his thoughts.

He Says He Just Wants to be Friends But Acts Differently

Why Would He Say That He Just Wants to Be Friends?

He says he just wants to be friends, but his actions show differently. This situation can happen for a number of reasons. The following are the most common reasons why a guy may want to be just friends when he acts like he wants more.

He Is Really Flirty: Unfortunately, this is a very common reason. Some guys just have flirty natures. To see if this is the reason, see how he acts around other women. If he behaves the same way with every other lady, then he is just a flirt.

He Doesn't Want A Girlfriend But He Acts Like Your Boyfriend

He Doesn’t Have the Time: Relationships take time and effort to work out. If he is focusing on graduating from med school or getting the next promotion, he might not have the time for a relationship. If you know that he spends four hours each night practicing his favorite sport after school, then he may have just turned you down because he can’t handle anything else in his life.

He Is Afraid of Ruining Your Friendship: This is another common reason. If you are best friends, then he needs you for support and someone to hang out with. If you dated and broke up, he would lose one of his best friends. While best friends make for the best spouses, he’d end up with nothing if you broke up. He may just be afraid that dating would end up ruining the friendship that you have together.

He Isn’t Ready: If he just got out of a bad relationship, he might not be ready to date again. There is also a chance that he just isn’t ready to be with you. Some guys want to get to know a girl before they date her or make it official. He may just need more time to get to know your personality better before he decides if you two are the perfect pair or not.

55 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Anonymous1

    January 18, 2020 at 9:48 pm

    Hope you will reply to this! Sorry if this is too long.. just needed some advices.. I am friends with the guy I like, we met at work & we are quite close, usually we will hang out in a group but occasionally he will ask me to hang out like just the two of us, then we will share stories with each other, he teases me a lot, and he’s always asking me about a guy that was pursuing me, my personal interests, etc. Then he asked me who else is single in the workplace and obviously he’s one of them, so I asked if I should consider him too, and he was like why not, and he said he would consider me too or anyone that is single. But then few days ago he said like “thanks my friend” and I asked if that was a friend zone line, then he asked if I asked that cause I like him? But I didn’t want him to know that I do so I avoided the question, then he said that he means that we are friends and, sorry if he made me think of something else, like he has never thought about this friend zone question, so i guess I got friendZoned but I’m really confused cause I do felt that he felt something for me.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 20, 2020 at 2:08 pm

      It is certainly possible that he is interested in maintaining a relationship with you. Make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship, and speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Nourish your relationship by spending additional time with him in person.

  2. Avatar

    Kimberly

    December 16, 2019 at 11:36 pm

    I have this problem too. I’ve recently been hanging out with this guy and from the start he’s said he just wants to be friends and isn’t really wanting to date now but he hangs out with just me and so sweet and genuine. Like there’s a difference between him with his friends verses with me. Send help advice

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 5, 2020 at 10:26 am

      He may have developed stronger feelings for you. If you feel that you need to address the changes with him, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings.

  3. Avatar

    Dwila

    December 11, 2019 at 12:55 am

    Hi! Glad to find this article.
    Hope you can reply…

    I knew him 8 months ago by social media. I started to like him after our first chat. But, yes just like him as my friend. But, 4 months ago i dont know why i started to have feelings more than a friend for him. We started to tease eachother. Gave compliments. And there was time when i felt that my feelings growing up for him and i cant hide it anymore. So, i confessed to him. Yeah, at that time he was kinda rejected me, and he just said we’re just friends. And said he dont deserve me, i cant give you what you want, i cant live your expectations, etc.

    Okay, i know that because it was suddenly confession to him, maybe he was shocked. But, after that confession, and after he said we’re just friends, he started to act sweet, more sweet than before and we still flirt to eachother. He even send me his kisses by voice clips.

    And now, im confused, did he mean it, all his sweetness to me? did he starting to have feelings more than a friend to me? Or just like to tease me and make me happy? What should i do, because sometimes im tired with this kind of relationship. I love him so much T^T. I dont wanna lose him. He ever said to me that he dont want to ruin our friendship and all great things that we’ve done.

    Should i stop this feelings for him?

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 5, 2020 at 11:34 am

      He is likely insecure regarding his own qualities. It is clear that you are interested and he certainly likes you. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and nourish this relationship by spending additional time together.

  4. Avatar

    Anonymous

    December 9, 2019 at 10:44 am

    Ok so there’s this guy I love with all my heart. When I first met him outside of my highschool I felt butterflies and once I approached him to say a simple hello it was like love at first sight. He wouldn’t stop staring at me and I wouldn’t stop staring at him. His voice gave me goosebumps and that smile of his was driving me crazy. I end up revealing my feelings for him and he surprisingly reciprocates those feelings. We started our relationship almost immediately. I would turn red soooo easily almost everyday. Even with a simple peck on the cheek or hug I would turn tomato red. I was the shy one in the relationship while he on the other hand was the more outgoing and more affectionate one. We would mostly talk afterschool on the train due to the fact that I was a sophomore and he was a senior at the time. He treated me in such a way that made me feel like a goddess… He made me feel truly special. He would compliment my hair and eyes saying “You have big beautiful anime eyes” and he would call me his “chula” which means cute or beautiful woman in Spanish. He was my first kiss too. And we would always blink at each other. If you don’t know what the blinking means…it’s what cats do to say “I love you” and…he and I would blink at each other as a silent way of saying “I love you” to eachother. I would always ditch class to go see him which made him very upset. Our relationship didn’t last very long and he broke up with me after 3 weeks together saying he thought I was the right girl for him but that I wasn’t and that he was eventually going to move on and date other people. I was so hurt to the point I started talking very badly about him on Instagram and talking very badly about him to his ex girlfriends and other people at my high school. Plus I once elbowed him in the ribs and called him a motherfucker in the lunchroom which is something I got suspended for. And days later he said outloud I was a psychopath who was off her meds in the hallway. He even called me needy.
    Months later I hear a girl I used to friends with(that I hate with a burning passion now) make sexual harassment and attempted rape allegations against him. She said he touched her and tried to rape her which I believed because I was very hurt at the time but there was still a small part of me that didn’t believe her.
    I got back in contact with him through text on the 4th of July only to find out that girl had lied to me and that he almost got arrested for serious stuff he didn’t do. And she still insists he did those horrible things to her even to this day…
    He said he broke up with me not because he didn’t love me, he did with all his heart, he even saw himself in me but the problem was that he saw too much of himself in me so he broke up with me. He said he loves me but isn’t in love with me. He said he loves me but not the way I want him to. He said he’s made his decision and is sorry that it isn’t what I wanted. He would tell me that he doesn’t want a relationship. Just friendships. That he doesn’t love anyone romantically.
    However when I went out to look for him and we hung out in person he was acting completely different towards me.
    When I told I told him I was cutting myself he showed me the cut marks all over his arms and legs…then he lightly rubbed a finger on the cut marks on my arm and said “never do this again” and even took away the packet of blades I had with me. When I tried to get the packet back from him he kicked the packet under his bed, out of my reach…there was one when we were alone in his room where he blinked at me just like when we used to date and when I blinked back back he let out a cute feminine sounding giggle. “You remember”I say feeling flustered. “I never forgot”he said back with a wide smile on his face.
    And there was even a time we were alone in his room talking about how I’ve started cutting myself and how if my parents knew about this they would most likely send me to another mental hospital. And he said I can come over his place whenever and that he doesn’t want me to be in any hospital and that he wants me at his place…and then I asked “why do you want me here?” And he stares at me with wide eyes and asks “Did you just ask me why I want you here? Come on! Get over here and lie down with me.” And then as soon as I lie down on his bed beside him he says “because I love you too much” and then he hugs me and wraps his leg around my legs. And he did press kisses across my face and shly started doing the same…then after that his lips landed onto of mine and we started making out…he ended up leaving two hickeys on me and staring at me with a big smile on his face saying “you have beautiful anime eyes” like he always said in the past when we used to date.
    He started saying I love you and that I’m perfect for him, he started kissing me and making out with me like we did in the past…
    He said one thing through text but did another in person.
    And then one day I skip a day of summer school and he complains about it and two days later he unadded me on Snapchat and blocked me on Instagram and Facebook. But before he did all that he sent me a text message that says
    “Okay
    You can’t come here anymore. Unless you are completely done with school and you have the acceptance and time and money, you can’t be here. And we can’t be doing this secret kiss and suck face thing anymore
    Straight friends”
    I’ve been blocked for about 4 months now and now I’m starting to think he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Not even a friendship….

    • Avatar

      Anonymous

      December 9, 2019 at 11:03 am

      Can you delete this comment please? I don’t want people to know. I feel like I made a mistake by writing this.

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 9, 2020 at 7:27 pm

        People will have no clue it’s you because you kept your username anonymous, and the details could be related to someone else entirely. Don’t worry. 🙂

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 9, 2020 at 7:26 pm

      His behavior is just weird. For whatever reason, he decided that he didn’t want a relationship after all. Either that, or he was hoping to gain more control over you by making you leave school. Whatever the case is, it sounds like he would be a very dangerous personality to be in a relationship with. He is probably not coming back. On a different note, you should talk to your school counselor or someone you trust about your cutting. There is also a website called 7 Cups of Tea where you can talk to someone anonymously without your parents finding out, if that is a better option for you.

  5. Avatar

    AMY RYAN

    December 2, 2019 at 7:51 am

    I have been seeing for about a month today.. we get along so well.. always have a great time together..both extremely attracted to eachother and have a good sex life. I said from the beginning I wasn’t ready for something serious yet but liked how things are and would like to keep going and see where things go (mainly scared to get hurt after a bad past.. but he makes me forget that) We are both not dating other people.. text all day each day and see eachother 2 or 3 times a week.. do date things or stay in and hang out. Usually always a sleepover. He showed up with a my fav bottle of wine and a birthday card and a gift card the other day. He has a lot going on now in his life..job stress.. considering moving back home to England.. but then the next day says he wants to stay here. He recently told me that he is not sure his heart is in it.. thinks he might feel me more as a friend.. then I said its okay if hes not feeling this that I understand and he said its not that hes not feeling it?? I don’t understand. It was a bit awkward and I said he didn’t have to stay.. could go if he wants. But he wanted to stay.. next thing it is all back to normal with us touching eachother and kissing and ends up spending the night with lots of hot sex.. and back to normal texting this morning. he says one thing and his actions say another… I truly think what we have is something great that can grow to something amazing. I half wonder that he is so confused in his life overall right now we will miss out on something amazing… what do I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 20, 2020 at 1:17 pm

      It is clear that the two of you share a strong connection and are attracted to each other. It seems that this relationship may be viable. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and nourish your relationship by spending additional time together.

  6. Avatar

    Brittney

    October 30, 2019 at 12:25 am

    So I have a guy friend that we acts like a couple, but we are not. We cuddle and almost have sex, I was on my period. I told him I do not do friends with benefits and he said he respects that so after months, I asked him so what are we. He answered friends, he’s not trying to look for anything and he’s way too busy to worry about things like that. So a few days later we hangout at night because he was done with work and I done with school for the day, he kissed me while we cuddled. We acts like a couple, but we are not. So I don’t know what does he wants. I know that he’s busy with work and life. I am busy with school and work. So I’m so confused with what he wants. Half of me thinking he’s using me and other half of me thinking he’s probably don’t want to commit because we are both busy. So I don’t know what to do, should I distance myself or just go with the flow? I don’t want to be use.

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 3, 2020 at 4:27 pm

      It seems that the two of you share a strong social and emotional relationship. You may be interested in nourishing a relationship with him. Take this time to determine what you feel is appropriate, and speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Spend additional time with him in person, as this will strengthen your relationship.

  7. Avatar

    J

    October 6, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    Help me out. please.

    As I type this, I am lying in bed with my friend who I just got drunk with last night. We’re just friends, at least that’s what he says, but I don’t know. When he’s drunk, he’ll tell me I’m his everything, that he loves me more than anything, that I’m all he wants, all he needs, etc. When I tell him about it when he’s sober, I’m like “I don’t know why you always insist on telling me these pretty little lies.” His response is always the same, “You have to stop thinking I lie to you, i don’t ever say things to you that aren’t true.” When he’s sober, he does often tell me he’s gonna live with me forever, that im his everything, but always makes sure to throw the word friend in. He brought furniture into our home and paints this really wonderful picture of us doing all these homey things like he wants to set up the living room because the holidays are coming and he wants to watch the macys day parade together and decorate for christmas. Sometimes I make passive aggressive remarks about him running off with some guy, to which he tells me there arent any other guys and if he gets a text or an IM from a guy he quickly tells me who the person is and why i have nothing to worry about. To be honest, most of the time I feel like he’s in love with me but is afraid he’ll mess everything up, but sometimes I think it’s all a ploy to keep me, so I’ll continue taking care of him and putting him through school. Should I find myself someone else or hope he makes me his boyfriend at some point?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 4, 2020 at 7:12 pm

      It seems that you are insecure regarding your relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. He may have stronger feelings for you than you believe. You can nourish your relationship by spending additional time together. This will also give you a better understanding of the future of your partnership.

  8. Avatar

    Marie

    September 18, 2019 at 4:24 am

    I’ve have had feelings for this guy since we were 10. His dad always jokes about me being is daughter-in-law which make us both turn red. I left for the military and came back finding out he dated this girl who broke his heart. Now he says he doesn’t what to get into a relationship agin. But I get confused because his actions, words, and body language says he’s all in. When he realizes what’s going on he draws back like I’ve just burned him. When I asked him to hangout he lit up like a Christmas tree and had a huge silly grin but then backed out at the last second. I don’t know what to do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 21, 2019 at 5:30 pm

      It sounds like he may like you. Since he was hurt so badly, he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone. He keeps pulling back because he remembers that he isn’t ready for a relationship even though he likes you. As for what you should do, I’d wait until he is ready to have a relationship again to make a move.

  9. Avatar

    Carly Whitefield

    August 28, 2019 at 4:01 pm

    I love my best guy friend and almost a year ago he confessed to having feelings for me. He didn’t want to date because he was scared of hurting me and he’d been hurt in the past and was scared of letting people in and scared of letting love in. However, we still acted like we were dating. We still held hands and kissed and made out and he gave me his jacket on a cold November morning so “I wouldn’t get sick” however he later confessed because he knew it would remind me of him. There are many other things as well but the most recent events have happened within the last 2.5 weeks. He and I are both in college and last night he asked when, where and what time my class was and if the professor might let him join the class. I told him and asked if he was wanting to take the class with me and he said yeah he did. He ended up showing up at the campus at 6:00 and the class didn’t start for two hours. He also told me that I was beautiful which is something he has never said to me before and confessed to always being to nervous to tell me but that he’s thought that I was beautiful since he first met me almost 4 years ago when we were in high school. There are many other things as well but that’s just a couple of them. He also still lets me place my head on his shoulder and close my eyes for a bit and will place his head on mine and will either fall asleep or start to fall asleep like that. He’s also not a social person or a hugger but is only a hugger when it comes to me. He says he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore but I don’t believe it. I know him better than anyone and he knows me better than anyone. We can tell when something is wrong just by looking at each other. I can look in his eyes and see when something is wrong or when he is hiding something. Even when we’re apart I can tell when something is wrong by how he acts. He is able to do the same thing when it comes to me. In my heart I know he still has feelings for me but isn’t wanting to admit it. I know he’s scared and doesn’t want to hurt me or mess up our friendship. Do you think he still has feelings for me? If you need more information on what else happens with us please let me know.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 28, 2019 at 6:59 pm

      The two of you shared a strong social relationship, and he shared his thoughts and feelings with you. The two of you made the decision to nourish an emotional relationship with each other. It is clear that the two of you care for each other. It is certainly possible that he is still interested in maintaining a relationship with you, but is concerned about the future. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with him at all times. Have a great day, Carly!

      • Avatar

        Carly Whitefield

        August 29, 2019 at 1:04 pm

        I have another problem as well that is partially similar to my previous comment but with some differences. I recently dated a guy and we broke up but I’ve suspected for a long time that his parents had a strong influence on everything leading up to us breaking up. I’ve met his parents and realized right off the bat that they were judgmental. Things were fine between us before I left the state to visit my family in Texas for a couple weeks and then a few days after I left we had our first fight and it was bad. I knew something was going on and had a feeling his parents were behind it but couldn’t prove it. A couple weeks after I came back is when things took a turn for the worse. His mom started talking crap about my mom whom she’d never even met and was telling him about it and then he told me. I knew immediately that she was lying about it because my mom wouldn’t ever say or do what his mom claimed she was saying and doing. He put us on a break and 1 week and 5 days later he ended the break and claimed it was too difficult for him to handle being apart from me like that. A week later he broke up with me though and the day before I found his mom was saying lies about my mom again. Things were fine and were getting better until his mom starting saying lies about my mom again. He still does some of the stuff he did when we were dating such as hugging me and holding me close and hugging me tightly when he needs it. He admits to still having feelings for me and to missing me and missing us and still hugs my arm when he gets really upset and will hug me tight and will place his head on my shoulder and bury his face so no one will see him cry or place his head between my chest and shoulder and will keep it there until he stops crying. I’ve always been able to calm him down when he gets upset and starts crying(also the only one who has seen him cry) and when he has an anxiety attack. On Monday he started crying because he feels terrible and hates himself for what he did and said and can’t forgive himself or forget and knows he can never take it back. His parents hate me and my parents hate him but I still have feelings for him and while it’s sometimes difficult when we butt heads I still believe in us and that if we tried we could rebuild our relationship. He claims that we can’t but I can see that he still wants to be with me but is scared about hurting me again and can’t forgive himself for what he said when we were dating before when he was upset or stressed and feels like he’s not the person he was but I can see that he still is. I said some things too when I was upset and stressed and I regret it so much. I’m in a place where I don’t know what to do. I love my best friend but I also still love this guy. I know he doesn’t want to date in secret if we did try again and I also know his parents will be total a**holes about it and my parents won’t be happy either. I feel like if he stopped trying to make everyone else happy and started only focusing on his happiness then things would be different. He still has the gifts I gave him including a gift I made for him which was a wooden box that I painted his favorite colors and put qualities I saw in him inside it. He feels like he doesn’t fit those qualities anymore but I know he does because I see it. I’m stuck between two guys both of whom I don’t want to lose. My best friend and I never fight and we enjoy spending time together and he even wanted to take a class with me even though it wasn’t a class he’s required to take for his major and the other guy while we may fight I feel like if there’s no outside influences that are trying to dictate everything and/or get in the way of everything and mess everything up just to get what they want that we could work things out and things would be fine. I’m conflicted on what to do and it’s causing me to not sleep well and not feel well. I honestly have no clue how to handle this because I have feelings for both of them and it’s getting harder. Do you have any advice on what you think I should do?

  10. Avatar

    Kiran

    August 26, 2019 at 10:00 am

    I loved a guy, but his family did not approve of me, so I left him for good of him and his family as he loved them.
    When I had relation with another guy, then my love came back but I rejected him because of my loyalties to the 2nd one.
    After 2 years I broke up with 2nd guy because we had understanding issues and I fell for 3rd guy in my office as he resembled the 1st guy a lot in talking and manners.
    I proposed him but he rejected and said that he can be my best colleague.
    A month later he became my manager.
    I proposed him again and again he gave me same answer that he can be my best friend as of now. This time I asked to have formal relation only but he continued being my friend still.
    Few days later I told him to either stay formally connected ro me or become my brother as I cant be his best colleague. On this he said no comments and he still continues to talk friendly to me.
    If I think about moving on then I fear of making my past mistake of jumping to 2nd relation when the 1st would return but late.
    I cant be rude to him because he is my manager.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 26, 2019 at 11:57 am

      The two of you maintained a relationship, though you became aware that his family did not approve of your relationship. You made the reasonable decision to end the relationship. While you were maintaining a relationship with someone else, you rejected this person from your past. Your behaviors in regards to your manager are inappropriate, as the two of you are working together. You should allow your emotional thoughts of him to fade, and you should treat him like he is your manager, which he is. You should take this time to yourself to determine what you want for your future. Have a great day, Kiran!

  11. Avatar

    sarah

    July 24, 2019 at 9:22 pm

    Hi, I’ve known this guy for a year and at first we were just friends, it was purely platonic and I didn’t really care about him that much, he texted and called me all the time and showed me he was interested in what I was doing etc… We grew way closer 4 months ago, spoke on the phone every night and went on a few “dates”, he was always flirty and complimented me a lot and often hinted to there being something more between us even though he never said anything explicitly. He had broken up with his girlfrienf of 8 years (on and off) a few months before and he mentioned to me once or twice not wanting to be in a relationship with anyone, which I respected cause I was in the same mindset. One night, he came over and we kissed and cuddled for hours and then I went away for 4 weeks so we didn’t see each other for a while after that but we spoke CONSTANTLY, all day everyday and he was very cute and caring and showed me more than just friendship, but I was trying not to get too attached cause I knew he was moving away for a year and I wasn’t looking for a long distance relationship. We saw each other again two weeks ago after staying apart for one month an a half and we spent almost everyday together, he kissed me hello the first time so I thought that meant something, we held hands when we were in public, he hugged me and kissed me everywhere and basically acted like a boyfriend, but I knew our time together was coming to an end so I was trying to enjoy the moments without thinking about what would happen next. A few days ago I found out his ex reached out again after months of not speaking, and she asked about me and he told her we were very close and more than friends etc.. So I took it as a good sign and tried not to be jealous over the fact that they were talking again (but I was and he knew it). Anyway, he left two days ago and we finally had “the talk” in which he told me he loved me but didn’t want a relationship with me or in general because he thinks he’s too emotionally unstable and lost and confused to date me. But he said I was also his best friend and that he doesn’t want to lose me so he asked me to stay friends (even best friends) but nothing more cause that’s not what he’s looking for. He also said that he should’ve told me this sooner but the moments we spent together were so good that he “forgot” he didn’t want a relationship but now he’s realizing it again. He said distance isn’t a problem to him and it’s just the “relationship” aspect that he wants to avoid. I’m lost and confused and I keep wondering if I’m not good enough for him. His words and his actions were so different than what he’s saying now, he really acted like a guy in a relationship and often implied that I was the perfect girl for him and now he’s saying he doesn’t want more than friendship with me. As I said, I didn’t want to date him because of distance, but deep down I always thought that if we managed to keep talking we would eventually get together at some point in the future, and now I’m starting to wonder if he ever even thought about dating me or if this was all an illusion. He also told me that he believes if two people are meant to be together they’ll end up together, I think he’s confused and it’s confusing me. What should I do? Should I ask him if he thinks we could be together someday?

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 24, 2019 at 11:17 pm

      He has informed you that he doesn’t want to maintain a romantic relationship with you. He is interested in being friends with you. He has made his feelings clear. Allow thoughts of him to fade, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will draw positive people and energy into your life by sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Sarah!

  12. Avatar

    guccisushi

    July 1, 2019 at 1:14 am

    *This might be long, but hopefully you’ll reply back and change my mind?*

    It all started the summer of junior year when 10th grade ended, One day I texted him and the whole summer day and night like 24/7 we would talk and snap. He would tell me everything about his day etc.. and that was when we started to exchange music with each other, acted the same, mimicked each others slangs and etc. So that made the both of us a lot closer and understand each other. He was there for me on my bad days and I was there for him on his. He always tells me I make him laugh and that “there’s no body like me” and obviously that made me feel some type of way you know? He would shout me out on his aunts successful youtube channel and do soo much for me.. Like is that normal? Fast forward, to the official junior year, school started and we both didn’t have classes together, and the feeling/vibes was still the same for the both of us outside and inside of school. We would still hit each other up and I would check up on him here and there! He’d see me in the school halls and give me the biggest hug and we’ll stand there for a minute and he won’t let go until he’s ready to, or he’ll do that one handshake all boys do and he’ll hold my hand and not let go, like what is this?? I legit felt butterflies when he did things like this. And that’s when my feelings for him did grow more, these feelings and gestures continued and we still talked. He’d ask to hang out but I’d work the days he asked and The days I’d ask he’s busy as well. I even met his mom and my mom has heard if him but never met him. I’m close with his friends and he’s friends with mines.

    So senior year hits and the hugs, hand touching etc was still a thing between us, no classes together again 🙁 but this was the year we did get a lot closer to each other. He started to open up to me, talk about girls, he went to parties and was “well known” I mean he was still the same guy i knew and never treated me differently. So here’s the important info, I had asked him and a few friends to write me a honest senior letter and he wrote me “you are a real ass friend, you’re literally the only one who checks up on me, and I love you for that, you’re one hell of a blessing” theres a lot more but those are the words that i questioned myself the most.. So later that week we had grad bash and it was 5am I called him to take me home bc i had no ride, but he already had another girl with him, a girl that i assumed he’s been talking to. Don’t worry, he did call me back and asked me if i still needed a ride, and took me home, but before I went home i told him to park at the fire station so we could catch up and talk about anything. He was opening up to me about his girl problems and that him and this girl was in a “its complicated situation” and left it at that. I switched the topic and told him i talk about him to my mom a lot and that I care about him, and he told me he talks about me to his mom too? Like whoa. We were there for almost an hour. Fast forward we were at my drive way and this was the part where i was going to tell him i had feelings for him, but i flaked and left him on a cliff hanger and I’m sure it bothered him. Soo It was bothering me alllll day so I texted him at 10pm at night and told him to pick up my facetime, and he did. I went straight to it and confessed my feelings. He was silent taking in all my words and this is the part that got me confused, he legit teared up. I cannot make this up, he even asked me “are you crying?” And i kinda was but i lied. He said he loved me, but as a friend. That crushed me. But lemme tell you we talked for an hour and then the next day was the last day of senior year and it was awkward but not weird awkward… it was like we were strangers again. I hate that. I just wanted everything to go back the way it was. I legit cared about our friendship the most. But i needed to get the feeling off my chest before school ended.

    We’re cool now, we didn’t talk to each other for 3 weeks until I reached out and got half my closure. (Im sad that i had to make the effort to reach out first) I truly think if I hadn’t kept my feelings inside for so long and told him sooner before he met the girl he liked, do you think I’d have a chance? I have questions.. Did he tear up bc he felt bad for leading me on? Was I only a friend? Do guys tell girls that they’re a blessing and they love them? Stays up with you till 3am talking about everything? Do guys say “i meant everything what i wrote in that letter, everything was true” like what??

    It’s been 2 months and I’m still thinking about this. But.. trust me the feelings are gone but kinda a little still there. Idk if this is important but his zodiac sign is Virgo and I’m scorpio. Please put me in check!!

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 2, 2019 at 1:33 pm

      The two of you certainly felt a strong social and emotional connection with each other. It is clear that he wanted to maintain a trusting and loving relationship with you at some time. It seems that you need to make a decision about what you want for your future, though you should keep your history in mind. If you want to nourish a romantic relationship with him, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If not, then simply share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Sushi!

  13. Avatar

    Dallyy

    June 27, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    We both got together bc our ex’s slept together. Then we talked and hung out and stuff. We were idk for 10 months. We caught feelings BUT Then I went back to my ex first, then he did too. So, We didn’t talk for almost 2 years after that. THEN I was single bc I ended it a year ago and I didnt know about him. We started to talk again couple months ago, it made me happy. Then I found out he was still having a type of relation with his ex so I told him to make a choice and I blocked him (I’m over my ex by this time). Then i got accepted into school so I left home and travelled, then I find out he moved to the same city and he got a hold of me, he wanted see me. So we lived in the same city for 3 months, We hung out and I did anything for him. I waited for HIM to msg me all he time and he did. Then after he started to leave me alone and now hes gone without telling me. I feel really down about it, we only hung out 4 times in the 5 months he was here bc I never talk first. I’m scared hes gonna take back his ex. What should I do? I never had feelings for another guy after my ex of 5 years (1st love). I have strong feelings for him. HELP!

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 28, 2019 at 9:26 pm

      You feel a strong emotional and social connection to this person. It seems that you need to make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Determine what is viable and appropriate. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Dallyy!

      • Avatar

        ARNEL

        July 1, 2019 at 6:36 am

        Hi, I’m also in the same situation, except mine’s is very different, and complicated. I’m in love with this man who is incarcerated. He’s in Florida, and I live in New York. He only sees me as a friend, but my feelings for him have deepened. I like him a lot, and am very much in love with him. He calls me every day, and sends me emails. If me and him are friends, then why am I in the friend zone? I’m confused, and hurt.

        • web admin

          web admin

          July 2, 2019 at 1:39 pm

          He is in prison. He is aware that he can not maintain a relationship with you at this time. He views you as a friend. It is certainly possible that his feelings for you are growing. When he gets out of prison, he may be interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. It is possible that there are other people in his life that he is speaking with. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Arnel!

  14. Avatar

    Bluedog

    June 24, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    So there’s this guy.I really started liking him earlier in the school year. I texted him how I felt and he said the same. A little while went by after that and he asked me out, and of course I said yes. A few weeks after we started “dating” (We are in Junior High) and he said he now only liked me as a friend. He said the reason for this was that he realized he didn’t want to date right now. That was the last week of school. maybe a day goes by, and now we’re texting like we normally would. He told me I was still his crush and he never stopped liking me, even when he said that he just wanted to be “friends”. Today, after we texted for a while, he told me that he only liked me as a friend now. I was very upset by this, because he was still my crush and I still liked him very much. I don’t know what he means by “like you as a friend” and I don’t know how to handle this situation.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 24, 2019 at 10:08 pm

      He has informed you of his feelings. He was once interested in developing a romantic relationship with you, and it seems that this relationship is not viable at this time. Allow your emotional energy to be focused elsewhere, and allow thoughts of him to fade. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Bluedog!

  15. Avatar

    Marie

    June 3, 2019 at 5:38 pm

    Sooo mine was a complicated one, and i’m processing what was going on.

    So there was this guy in my college that i was really into (think i still am), where we had met freshman year (I’m 27 and he’s going to be 22 soon) through a friend’s film set and we had small talk once in a while. Then spring (winter for everyone else) semester is about to start and i meet up with him. he told me his ex broke up with him because she figured she is a lesbian. he was ok with it, and they remained friends. then for a while, we started messaging. Then around February there was a holiday, no classes for that day. i suggested we hang out in person for a bit as a break from homework. he liked the idea and so i went to hang at his place. When i went over, he gave me a hug, we went to his room and we cuddled for a while. I have never been close to a guy before so i was extremely nervous and i tend to kind of huff (i son’t know what its called, but its the thing people do when its kind of funny and its really subtle, but i do it a bit too much) and he was wondering why i kept doing that. eventually i just told him i liked him, so he grabbed one leg threw me on top and said “i knew it!” skipping all the other bits – we had sex, my first time (he was shocked about it being my first). so it seemed like we were together. but then the week went by and he messaged me saying he isn’t ready for a relationship because he is still hurt over the break up..

    we had a total of 5 times we had sex during the semester. After the 3rd one i knew something was going on but i didn’t want to push it because of school (he was really behind). seconds after the 5th time he said we need to figure out what this is, and i told him i wanted a relationship and he understood, but didn’t really say much about it. In each and every interaction we had he had said that he really wanted to be with me but something was holding him back.

    After the 5th one, he messaged me saying “as it stands right now i am not mentally or emotionally ready or secure for a relationship” and that he isn’t happy with himself and needed to learn to love himself before he loved someone else; he also said “my feelings for you are not a lie. but i think for everyone’s ssake and health we probably should stop having sex and just stay friends.” he also felt bad about it and felt it wasn’t fair to me because i’m not ready.

    So with this, its the summer and i just try to make sure he is doing ok. i know how he feels because i’m not very happy with myself either. he and i are still good friends. but i also feel like i still have feelings for him, but i will respect his need to heal and do what he needs to do for himself. but for now i’m just trying to figure out what happened. it was a lot that kind of flashed before my eyes so to speak

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 4, 2019 at 10:34 pm

      He clearly feels a strong emotional and physical connection with you. He still is thinking about his ex, and he does not want those feelings to negatively impact your relationship. He cares for you, and he does not want you to feel that he is taking advantage of you. He likely wants to nourish this relationship with you, but he is uncertain about the future. Think about what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Marie!

  16. Avatar

    Moonjumper

    May 14, 2019 at 6:09 am

    Hi, I am really confused right now. Actually the guy is really clear about it, but his words and actions just don’t seem to be the same. From the beginning (6 months ago) he already said I was only a guy he likes chatting to, but over time we started seeing each other weekly and we did kiss a couple of times and even had sex in a hotel. I know all of these can just be casual, but he even introduced me to his whole family (I was the only non family member at a big party) and we already had big arguments ending in tears as if it was between a couple. We sleep together but we don’t kiss or have sex anymore, just cuddling (which feels more intense than sex tbh). I know I am just a friend to him, but I feel like I have emotionally invested too much on him already. I don’t think he is a bad guy or anything, but I also don’t think we behave like normal friends. He might just like my attention, but I don’t understand why he introduced me to his whole family and why we have big arguments like couples do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 14, 2019 at 7:52 pm

      It is clear that the two of you share a strong social relationship. You stated that he has been clear about his feelings. He wants to be friends with you, and he likely is interested in continuing this sexual relationship. Make a decision about what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, so he will be aware of how you view the relationship. Have a great day, Moonjumper!

  17. Avatar

    Poojitha

    May 12, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    Hiii i need some advice for my next step towards him..he is my friend. At beginning he shows me so much intrest makes me to feel special.. I thought he has feeling for me but later i feel the same for him but suddenly he ignores me completely for 8 months but he ask about me to my friend.. Later i talked with him and asked for the reason he said that he doesn’t knw y he ignores me for that past month. Later he makes me to show others like im his girl like that.. Then he ill be possessive while i talk with boys. And i thought he is loving me but his action shows he wants me to confess my love first so he is playing hard like that… I confess my love but he said he wants me as his friend he doesnt want love or commitments but his action shows that he is loving me… He is not stable, he is confused… Plz give me advice wht shld i do for the next step..?

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 12, 2019 at 7:50 pm

      He is interested in developing a relationship with you. He is uncertain about your feelings toward him. His possessive behaviors are indications that he is jealous. Make a decision about what you want for the future of your relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Poojitha!

  18. Avatar

    Jane

    February 3, 2019 at 4:12 pm

    I’ve had a confusing time with a friend he messages all time and we work together on weekends we also go out for a meal every now and again but keeps saying he wants to be just friends as no spark when clearly there is and other people have commented on it to
    Why does he do this we argue and play like husband and wife and he gets jealous when I talk to other men and when I was planning on moving away he begged me to stay saying he needed his friend he hates it when I don’t talk to him and everyone can see how miserable he is if we fall out and now someone asked him and he said he doesn’t want to ruin a friendship but he doesn’t old me it was because no spark and I’m like a sister to him I just don’t know what to think I’m so confused

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 4, 2019 at 1:02 pm

      He has informed you that he is not interested in developing a romantic relationship with you. This means that he has no reason to feel jealous if you spend time with other men. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings again. If he explains that he doesn’t want to nourish this relationship, then explain that you are going to develop relationships with people who see a future with you. His response will help you determine what your course of action should be. Have a great day, Jane!

  19. Avatar

    nana

    August 28, 2018 at 5:30 pm

    HI.. This is a long story, and I am not sure I will get a reply :D.

    I fall in love with my best friend, but before I confess to him, one of my friends suddenly told me that he had a girlfriend. I was so brokenhearted and felt betrayed. How could he became my best friend and lied to me? I have asked this before to him, but he lied and said he didn’t have a girlfriend. He was flirty, asked me out on a dinner, texted me every day, and called me almost every day. I blocked him in all SNS as it was too painful to even talked with him. But he kept trying to reconnect. He came to my home, kneeled and begged on my door for my forgiveness, said that he could not live without me.

    I forgive him, but I said still need time to recover. I got a new job offer in another city and decided to move. Everything in my city reminds me of him. He kept trying to contact me, but I ignored. Later on, I heard he had broken up with his girlfriend, almost at the same time as I moved. My feeling has never changed, and I am a brave girl that honest with my feeling, so I replied to his email, and asked him to meet. I came, met him, apologized for never given him a chance to explain, and confessed my love. But he rejected me. He said he had been thinking a lot, and said a relationship between us will be too complicated. He is an immature and childish guy, but I love him just like the way he is. I thanked him for his time, accepted his rejection, and returned to my home. I told him, I could not be his friend anymore until my feeling has changed. I still blocked him, and I already changed my phone number.

    So it came to my surprise that he finally found my phone number and tried to call me every day. at first I ignored him, but in the end, I gave up. I talked to him, asked what he wanted from me. He just said he missed his friend. I was disappointed, realize he will never change his mind about me. I answered him with a short answer. Then, everything just like the way it was. He texted me a lot, and called me, even he did not have any important thing to talk. I am running out of patience and confront him. What does he really feel about me? What am I to him? He insists that he just see me as a friend. I told him that he was dishonest with me and his feeling, and he was too coward to live without me but never appreciated my feeling and boundaries. This insult is too much for him, so he cut the calls and never contacts me anymore this week.

    I actually really do not care about this, but I am just curious. Does he really genuine with his feeling of being a friend? is there any kind of girl-boy’s friendship like this? or he just using me as an ego boost as he probably is lonely… he does not have a lot of friends, while I am the opposite, I am a kind of girl who easily makes a friend.

    Thank you

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 28, 2018 at 11:47 pm

      It sounds as though he has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is interested in maintaining a friendship with you. He may have stronger emotional feelings. He may simply view you as a friend. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Nana!

  20. Avatar

    Joy

    July 25, 2018 at 11:59 am

    OK I was young single in 20’s gotten myself involved with a married guy I had best sex ever with marry guy,We had ups and downs,Yes his wife knows me almost in jail but lucky I didn’t. So I let him ago and yes I can’t tell him how I feel is not right,And I hide years on and one nite seen him at bar that when I told I was leaving that’s when he told me how he felt .After I left 10 years ago We always find keep way to keep in touch each especially when come down seen him this 10 yrs he was shock to see me lift me up and giving me sweetest kissing on I was cloud 9 and two days we went to motel nervous around me having sex since I’m single still he’s still marry same person he’s repeat I wanted hurt u or wife.. drop me off that day..I went to store with my sister try tell what happened instead I smile. Later on I gotten message from him telling someone had text his daughter they better stopped.. I felt he’s blame me..I text him tell I just gotten back what’s message about.. haven’t talk to in four days.I thinking him every day and nite and I thinking he’s guilty and whole thing don’t want nothing to do with me for good.. Guess gives him time.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 25, 2018 at 3:42 pm

      He is married. You are aware that your actions have harmed his relationship. His daughter has informed him that she is aware of his behaviors. This relationship is not your fault, however you are allowing this relationship to continue. Abstain from reaching out to him at this time. You will want to take this time to determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Joy!

      • Avatar

        Ciel

        August 15, 2019 at 6:05 pm

        I’m crushing on my guy friend, who already has an idea that I like him (I never confessed, but he’s pretty smart) and has told me that he only sees a friendship chemistry between us, not a romance one and that because we work together, he doesn’t want to get into drama. But he has stated that he does find me attractive and that if we weren’t working so close together and that there was romance between us, he would have dated me. Many of our coworkers think that we’re dating, which doesn’t bother me, but he has stated the same things to everyone else like he did to me (even went as far of thinking of lying that he’s gay so they can stop, which he’s obviously not). But we do act close and we’re slowly telling each other things about us that are personal and we does some things that would be coupley(like wrestle each other in close proximity, tease each other, and hanging out a lot and we have fed each other food). But when we’re in company of our coworkers, he’ll act cold and distant and more professional. Which is weird as when we’re alone, he will joke and tease me like normal. It got to the point that I felt hurt as it wasn’t him. It isn’t until they leave that he goes back to himself. I wonder why as if he truly thinks we’re frienda he shouldn’t care. It hurts, but I treat him as a close friend as well. Do you know a possible reason to this? (Also, he just got out of a long term relationship of a couple years where he has stated that he wants to be single for awhile, which I understand)

        • web admin

          web admin

          August 18, 2019 at 8:11 pm

          The two of you share a strong social relationship. You are attracted to each other. He has informed you of the reasons why he does not feel comfortable maintaining a romantic relationship with you. It is clear that he is interested in you, but he is uncertain about maintaining a romantic relationship with someone that he is working with. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Ciel!

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