He Says He Just Wants to Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

By on June 10, 2018

When you love someone, you want them to love you back right away and to know how they feel. After telling your crush how much you liked him, he told you that he just wants to be friends. Hearing this is a blow, but you started to move on and heal over time. The only problem is that his actions show a different mindset. He says he just wants to be friends, but his actions show differently. He is acting like your boyfriend and becoming jealous when other guys seem close to you. How can he be jealous if he only wants to have you as a friend? Is he trying to mess with your heart or is there another reason for the way that he is acting?

 he says he wants to be friends but i know he likes me

He Says He Just Wants to Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

Men have a habit of sending confusing signals. Unfortunately, we can’t be mind readers. Unless you can divine what is going on in his mind, you have to try to guess what he wants. Luckily, there are a few tools at your disposal. There are common signs and body language that can show what a guy actually wants.

When you asked him about it, he says he just wants to be friends. His actions show another side to the story. For some reason, his body language and behavior keeps showing that he would like to be more than just friends with you. At first, it might make you hopeful. Before long, you probably feel frustrated and annoyed. How could he possibly say he just wants to be friends when his actions say that he wants so much more?

The most common reason is that he does not know what he actually wants. He may be afraid of ruining your friendship by dating, or he may not understand all of his feelings for you. He may have a bigger crush on someone else that he wants to pursue first, or he may be unable to date because he is so busy right now. If he just got out of a bad relationship, he might want to heal and be single before he tries dating again. Whatever the case, there are many reasons why he might want to be friends, even if he has feelings for you.

If you are confused about whether he likes you as more than just a friend, there are a few common signs to look for. These body language signs can help you tell if your crush could want something more from you—at least, whenever he gets around to consciously realizing it.

He Says He Just Wants to Be Friends But His Actions Show Differently

The Tops Signs He Likes You As More Than a Friend

1. He Likes to Surprise You

Someone is not going to go out of their way to create an elaborate surprise for just a friend. A small gift or snack would be a friendly gesture, but a birthday scavenger hunt is certainly not. If your guy goes out of his way to remember what you like and to surprise you with it, then he may want to be more than just friends.

2. He Likes to Spend Time With Just You

Friends are fine with hanging out in a group. If he tries to spend alone time with you, then he may have more than just friendly feelings. Also, look at how he acts when he is in a group. If he focuses on you or always watches where you go in the group, then he may have deeper feelings.

3. He Tries to Be Intimate

Body language is important. Touching the elbow, brushing hair off of your face or sitting super close to you are all signs that he may want to be more than friends. This is especially true if you are not close friends yet. You might sit close to or touch a really good friend, but you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that to a casual acquaintance unless you liked them.

4. He Talks to You Constantly

When you wake up in the morning, he sends you a good morning text. Throughout the day, you get a constant stream of texts from him. While some good friends text and talk all the time, it is also possible that he wants something more. At the very least, you can bet that you are always in his thoughts.

He Says He Just Wants to be Friends But Acts Differently

Why Would He Say That He Just Wants to Be Friends?

He says he just wants to be friends, but his actions show differently. This situation can happen for a number of reasons. The following are the most common reasons why a guy may want to be just friends when he acts like he wants more.

He Is Really Flirty: Unfortunately, this is a very common reason. Some guys just have flirty natures. To see if this is the reason, see how he acts around other women. If he behaves the same way with every other lady, then he is just a flirt.

He Doesn't Want A Girlfriend But He Acts Like Your Boyfriend

He Doesn’t Have the Time: Relationships take time and effort to work out. If he is focusing on graduating from med school or getting the next promotion, he might not have the time for a relationship. If you know that he spends four hours each night practicing his favorite sport after school, then he may have just turned you down because he can’t handle anything else in his life.

He Is Afraid of Ruining Your Friendship: This is another common reason. If you are best friends, then he needs you for support and someone to hang out with. If you dated and broke up, he would lose one of his best friends. While best friends make for the best spouses, he’d end up with nothing if you broke up. He may just be afraid that dating would end up ruining the friendship that you have together.

He Isn’t Ready: If he just got out of a bad relationship, he might not be ready to date again. There is also a chance that he just isn’t ready to be with you. Some guys want to get to know a girl before they date her or make it official. He may just need more time to get to know your personality better before he decides if you two are the perfect pair or not.

20 Comments

  1. Avatar

    guccisushi

    July 1, 2019 at 1:14 am

    *This might be long, but hopefully you’ll reply back and change my mind?*

    It all started the summer of junior year when 10th grade ended, One day I texted him and the whole summer day and night like 24/7 we would talk and snap. He would tell me everything about his day etc.. and that was when we started to exchange music with each other, acted the same, mimicked each others slangs and etc. So that made the both of us a lot closer and understand each other. He was there for me on my bad days and I was there for him on his. He always tells me I make him laugh and that “there’s no body like me” and obviously that made me feel some type of way you know? He would shout me out on his aunts successful youtube channel and do soo much for me.. Like is that normal? Fast forward, to the official junior year, school started and we both didn’t have classes together, and the feeling/vibes was still the same for the both of us outside and inside of school. We would still hit each other up and I would check up on him here and there! He’d see me in the school halls and give me the biggest hug and we’ll stand there for a minute and he won’t let go until he’s ready to, or he’ll do that one handshake all boys do and he’ll hold my hand and not let go, like what is this?? I legit felt butterflies when he did things like this. And that’s when my feelings for him did grow more, these feelings and gestures continued and we still talked. He’d ask to hang out but I’d work the days he asked and The days I’d ask he’s busy as well. I even met his mom and my mom has heard if him but never met him. I’m close with his friends and he’s friends with mines.

    So senior year hits and the hugs, hand touching etc was still a thing between us, no classes together again 🙁 but this was the year we did get a lot closer to each other. He started to open up to me, talk about girls, he went to parties and was “well known” I mean he was still the same guy i knew and never treated me differently. So here’s the important info, I had asked him and a few friends to write me a honest senior letter and he wrote me “you are a real ass friend, you’re literally the only one who checks up on me, and I love you for that, you’re one hell of a blessing” theres a lot more but those are the words that i questioned myself the most.. So later that week we had grad bash and it was 5am I called him to take me home bc i had no ride, but he already had another girl with him, a girl that i assumed he’s been talking to. Don’t worry, he did call me back and asked me if i still needed a ride, and took me home, but before I went home i told him to park at the fire station so we could catch up and talk about anything. He was opening up to me about his girl problems and that him and this girl was in a “its complicated situation” and left it at that. I switched the topic and told him i talk about him to my mom a lot and that I care about him, and he told me he talks about me to his mom too? Like whoa. We were there for almost an hour. Fast forward we were at my drive way and this was the part where i was going to tell him i had feelings for him, but i flaked and left him on a cliff hanger and I’m sure it bothered him. Soo It was bothering me alllll day so I texted him at 10pm at night and told him to pick up my facetime, and he did. I went straight to it and confessed my feelings. He was silent taking in all my words and this is the part that got me confused, he legit teared up. I cannot make this up, he even asked me “are you crying?” And i kinda was but i lied. He said he loved me, but as a friend. That crushed me. But lemme tell you we talked for an hour and then the next day was the last day of senior year and it was awkward but not weird awkward… it was like we were strangers again. I hate that. I just wanted everything to go back the way it was. I legit cared about our friendship the most. But i needed to get the feeling off my chest before school ended.

    We’re cool now, we didn’t talk to each other for 3 weeks until I reached out and got half my closure. (Im sad that i had to make the effort to reach out first) I truly think if I hadn’t kept my feelings inside for so long and told him sooner before he met the girl he liked, do you think I’d have a chance? I have questions.. Did he tear up bc he felt bad for leading me on? Was I only a friend? Do guys tell girls that they’re a blessing and they love them? Stays up with you till 3am talking about everything? Do guys say “i meant everything what i wrote in that letter, everything was true” like what??

    It’s been 2 months and I’m still thinking about this. But.. trust me the feelings are gone but kinda a little still there. Idk if this is important but his zodiac sign is Virgo and I’m scorpio. Please put me in check!!

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 2, 2019 at 1:33 pm

      The two of you certainly felt a strong social and emotional connection with each other. It is clear that he wanted to maintain a trusting and loving relationship with you at some time. It seems that you need to make a decision about what you want for your future, though you should keep your history in mind. If you want to nourish a romantic relationship with him, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If not, then simply share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Sushi!

  2. Avatar

    Dallyy

    June 27, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    We both got together bc our ex’s slept together. Then we talked and hung out and stuff. We were idk for 10 months. We caught feelings BUT Then I went back to my ex first, then he did too. So, We didn’t talk for almost 2 years after that. THEN I was single bc I ended it a year ago and I didnt know about him. We started to talk again couple months ago, it made me happy. Then I found out he was still having a type of relation with his ex so I told him to make a choice and I blocked him (I’m over my ex by this time). Then i got accepted into school so I left home and travelled, then I find out he moved to the same city and he got a hold of me, he wanted see me. So we lived in the same city for 3 months, We hung out and I did anything for him. I waited for HIM to msg me all he time and he did. Then after he started to leave me alone and now hes gone without telling me. I feel really down about it, we only hung out 4 times in the 5 months he was here bc I never talk first. I’m scared hes gonna take back his ex. What should I do? I never had feelings for another guy after my ex of 5 years (1st love). I have strong feelings for him. HELP!

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 28, 2019 at 9:26 pm

      You feel a strong emotional and social connection to this person. It seems that you need to make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Determine what is viable and appropriate. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Dallyy!

      • Avatar

        ARNEL

        July 1, 2019 at 6:36 am

        Hi, I’m also in the same situation, except mine’s is very different, and complicated. I’m in love with this man who is incarcerated. He’s in Florida, and I live in New York. He only sees me as a friend, but my feelings for him have deepened. I like him a lot, and am very much in love with him. He calls me every day, and sends me emails. If me and him are friends, then why am I in the friend zone? I’m confused, and hurt.

        • web admin

          web admin

          July 2, 2019 at 1:39 pm

          He is in prison. He is aware that he can not maintain a relationship with you at this time. He views you as a friend. It is certainly possible that his feelings for you are growing. When he gets out of prison, he may be interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. It is possible that there are other people in his life that he is speaking with. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Arnel!

  3. Avatar

    Bluedog

    June 24, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    So there’s this guy.I really started liking him earlier in the school year. I texted him how I felt and he said the same. A little while went by after that and he asked me out, and of course I said yes. A few weeks after we started “dating” (We are in Junior High) and he said he now only liked me as a friend. He said the reason for this was that he realized he didn’t want to date right now. That was the last week of school. maybe a day goes by, and now we’re texting like we normally would. He told me I was still his crush and he never stopped liking me, even when he said that he just wanted to be “friends”. Today, after we texted for a while, he told me that he only liked me as a friend now. I was very upset by this, because he was still my crush and I still liked him very much. I don’t know what he means by “like you as a friend” and I don’t know how to handle this situation.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 24, 2019 at 10:08 pm

      He has informed you of his feelings. He was once interested in developing a romantic relationship with you, and it seems that this relationship is not viable at this time. Allow your emotional energy to be focused elsewhere, and allow thoughts of him to fade. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Bluedog!

  4. Avatar

    Marie

    June 3, 2019 at 5:38 pm

    Sooo mine was a complicated one, and i’m processing what was going on.

    So there was this guy in my college that i was really into (think i still am), where we had met freshman year (I’m 27 and he’s going to be 22 soon) through a friend’s film set and we had small talk once in a while. Then spring (winter for everyone else) semester is about to start and i meet up with him. he told me his ex broke up with him because she figured she is a lesbian. he was ok with it, and they remained friends. then for a while, we started messaging. Then around February there was a holiday, no classes for that day. i suggested we hang out in person for a bit as a break from homework. he liked the idea and so i went to hang at his place. When i went over, he gave me a hug, we went to his room and we cuddled for a while. I have never been close to a guy before so i was extremely nervous and i tend to kind of huff (i son’t know what its called, but its the thing people do when its kind of funny and its really subtle, but i do it a bit too much) and he was wondering why i kept doing that. eventually i just told him i liked him, so he grabbed one leg threw me on top and said “i knew it!” skipping all the other bits – we had sex, my first time (he was shocked about it being my first). so it seemed like we were together. but then the week went by and he messaged me saying he isn’t ready for a relationship because he is still hurt over the break up..

    we had a total of 5 times we had sex during the semester. After the 3rd one i knew something was going on but i didn’t want to push it because of school (he was really behind). seconds after the 5th time he said we need to figure out what this is, and i told him i wanted a relationship and he understood, but didn’t really say much about it. In each and every interaction we had he had said that he really wanted to be with me but something was holding him back.

    After the 5th one, he messaged me saying “as it stands right now i am not mentally or emotionally ready or secure for a relationship” and that he isn’t happy with himself and needed to learn to love himself before he loved someone else; he also said “my feelings for you are not a lie. but i think for everyone’s ssake and health we probably should stop having sex and just stay friends.” he also felt bad about it and felt it wasn’t fair to me because i’m not ready.

    So with this, its the summer and i just try to make sure he is doing ok. i know how he feels because i’m not very happy with myself either. he and i are still good friends. but i also feel like i still have feelings for him, but i will respect his need to heal and do what he needs to do for himself. but for now i’m just trying to figure out what happened. it was a lot that kind of flashed before my eyes so to speak

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 4, 2019 at 10:34 pm

      He clearly feels a strong emotional and physical connection with you. He still is thinking about his ex, and he does not want those feelings to negatively impact your relationship. He cares for you, and he does not want you to feel that he is taking advantage of you. He likely wants to nourish this relationship with you, but he is uncertain about the future. Think about what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Marie!

  5. Avatar

    Moonjumper

    May 14, 2019 at 6:09 am

    Hi, I am really confused right now. Actually the guy is really clear about it, but his words and actions just don’t seem to be the same. From the beginning (6 months ago) he already said I was only a guy he likes chatting to, but over time we started seeing each other weekly and we did kiss a couple of times and even had sex in a hotel. I know all of these can just be casual, but he even introduced me to his whole family (I was the only non family member at a big party) and we already had big arguments ending in tears as if it was between a couple. We sleep together but we don’t kiss or have sex anymore, just cuddling (which feels more intense than sex tbh). I know I am just a friend to him, but I feel like I have emotionally invested too much on him already. I don’t think he is a bad guy or anything, but I also don’t think we behave like normal friends. He might just like my attention, but I don’t understand why he introduced me to his whole family and why we have big arguments like couples do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 14, 2019 at 7:52 pm

      It is clear that the two of you share a strong social relationship. You stated that he has been clear about his feelings. He wants to be friends with you, and he likely is interested in continuing this sexual relationship. Make a decision about what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, so he will be aware of how you view the relationship. Have a great day, Moonjumper!

  6. Avatar

    Poojitha

    May 12, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    Hiii i need some advice for my next step towards him..he is my friend. At beginning he shows me so much intrest makes me to feel special.. I thought he has feeling for me but later i feel the same for him but suddenly he ignores me completely for 8 months but he ask about me to my friend.. Later i talked with him and asked for the reason he said that he doesn’t knw y he ignores me for that past month. Later he makes me to show others like im his girl like that.. Then he ill be possessive while i talk with boys. And i thought he is loving me but his action shows he wants me to confess my love first so he is playing hard like that… I confess my love but he said he wants me as his friend he doesnt want love or commitments but his action shows that he is loving me… He is not stable, he is confused… Plz give me advice wht shld i do for the next step..?

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 12, 2019 at 7:50 pm

      He is interested in developing a relationship with you. He is uncertain about your feelings toward him. His possessive behaviors are indications that he is jealous. Make a decision about what you want for the future of your relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Poojitha!

  7. Avatar

    Jane

    February 3, 2019 at 4:12 pm

    I’ve had a confusing time with a friend he messages all time and we work together on weekends we also go out for a meal every now and again but keeps saying he wants to be just friends as no spark when clearly there is and other people have commented on it to
    Why does he do this we argue and play like husband and wife and he gets jealous when I talk to other men and when I was planning on moving away he begged me to stay saying he needed his friend he hates it when I don’t talk to him and everyone can see how miserable he is if we fall out and now someone asked him and he said he doesn’t want to ruin a friendship but he doesn’t old me it was because no spark and I’m like a sister to him I just don’t know what to think I’m so confused

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 4, 2019 at 1:02 pm

      He has informed you that he is not interested in developing a romantic relationship with you. This means that he has no reason to feel jealous if you spend time with other men. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings again. If he explains that he doesn’t want to nourish this relationship, then explain that you are going to develop relationships with people who see a future with you. His response will help you determine what your course of action should be. Have a great day, Jane!

  8. Avatar

    nana

    August 28, 2018 at 5:30 pm

    HI.. This is a long story, and I am not sure I will get a reply :D.

    I fall in love with my best friend, but before I confess to him, one of my friends suddenly told me that he had a girlfriend. I was so brokenhearted and felt betrayed. How could he became my best friend and lied to me? I have asked this before to him, but he lied and said he didn’t have a girlfriend. He was flirty, asked me out on a dinner, texted me every day, and called me almost every day. I blocked him in all SNS as it was too painful to even talked with him. But he kept trying to reconnect. He came to my home, kneeled and begged on my door for my forgiveness, said that he could not live without me.

    I forgive him, but I said still need time to recover. I got a new job offer in another city and decided to move. Everything in my city reminds me of him. He kept trying to contact me, but I ignored. Later on, I heard he had broken up with his girlfriend, almost at the same time as I moved. My feeling has never changed, and I am a brave girl that honest with my feeling, so I replied to his email, and asked him to meet. I came, met him, apologized for never given him a chance to explain, and confessed my love. But he rejected me. He said he had been thinking a lot, and said a relationship between us will be too complicated. He is an immature and childish guy, but I love him just like the way he is. I thanked him for his time, accepted his rejection, and returned to my home. I told him, I could not be his friend anymore until my feeling has changed. I still blocked him, and I already changed my phone number.

    So it came to my surprise that he finally found my phone number and tried to call me every day. at first I ignored him, but in the end, I gave up. I talked to him, asked what he wanted from me. He just said he missed his friend. I was disappointed, realize he will never change his mind about me. I answered him with a short answer. Then, everything just like the way it was. He texted me a lot, and called me, even he did not have any important thing to talk. I am running out of patience and confront him. What does he really feel about me? What am I to him? He insists that he just see me as a friend. I told him that he was dishonest with me and his feeling, and he was too coward to live without me but never appreciated my feeling and boundaries. This insult is too much for him, so he cut the calls and never contacts me anymore this week.

    I actually really do not care about this, but I am just curious. Does he really genuine with his feeling of being a friend? is there any kind of girl-boy’s friendship like this? or he just using me as an ego boost as he probably is lonely… he does not have a lot of friends, while I am the opposite, I am a kind of girl who easily makes a friend.

    Thank you

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 28, 2018 at 11:47 pm

      It sounds as though he has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is interested in maintaining a friendship with you. He may have stronger emotional feelings. He may simply view you as a friend. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Nana!

  9. Avatar

    Joy

    July 25, 2018 at 11:59 am

    OK I was young single in 20’s gotten myself involved with a married guy I had best sex ever with marry guy,We had ups and downs,Yes his wife knows me almost in jail but lucky I didn’t. So I let him ago and yes I can’t tell him how I feel is not right,And I hide years on and one nite seen him at bar that when I told I was leaving that’s when he told me how he felt .After I left 10 years ago We always find keep way to keep in touch each especially when come down seen him this 10 yrs he was shock to see me lift me up and giving me sweetest kissing on I was cloud 9 and two days we went to motel nervous around me having sex since I’m single still he’s still marry same person he’s repeat I wanted hurt u or wife.. drop me off that day..I went to store with my sister try tell what happened instead I smile. Later on I gotten message from him telling someone had text his daughter they better stopped.. I felt he’s blame me..I text him tell I just gotten back what’s message about.. haven’t talk to in four days.I thinking him every day and nite and I thinking he’s guilty and whole thing don’t want nothing to do with me for good.. Guess gives him time.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 25, 2018 at 3:42 pm

      He is married. You are aware that your actions have harmed his relationship. His daughter has informed him that she is aware of his behaviors. This relationship is not your fault, however you are allowing this relationship to continue. Abstain from reaching out to him at this time. You will want to take this time to determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Joy!

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