The Difference Between Being in Love and Loving Someone

By on January 8, 2016

I bet you’ve said “I love you” to a ridiculous amount of people in your life; your mom, dad, siblings (when they’re actually nice), and your friends. So why is it so horribly nerve-racking when you want to say those same words to the person you’re involved with romantically?

It’s because there’s a huge difference between being in love and loving someone. You love your family and friends, sure. You may even love the person you’re dating. But it’s not the same kind of love as actually being in love with them. If you’re struggling to tell if you only love someone or if you’re truly in love with them, take a look at these big differences.

  1. When you love someone, it’s automatic.

Do you ever remember a time where you didn’t love your parents? I mean aside from being 13 and fighting non-stop with them (even though you still loved them even then)? Probably not.


Loving someone is kind of an automatic feeling. The only exception is friends that you’re really close to now, but once didn’t care for that much. But otherwise, when you love someone, you don’t have to think about loving them. It just happens whether you want it to or not.


  1. Being in love takes time.

If you’re someone who believes in love at first sight, this is going to be a little hard to read. But truly being in love with someone is a process that takes time. The feelings take a while to develop. You may love them before you actually fall in love with them.


Being in love is basically an uphill battle. Both parties have to put in time and effort into the relationship before being in love can happen whereas just loving someone is effortless on both sides. It may take less time for some people to fall in love, but can take much, much longer for others to truly be in love.


  1. Loving someone is easy.

You don’t have to put effort into loving your brother or sister. It’s just easy. Caring for them isn’t hard and you never run into road blocks with your love for your family or friends. Sure, you can get into arguments here and there, but they don’t actually affect your love for them.


It’s there and it’s simple. You know that you’ll love them always and that is something very easy to deal with. You never have to overthink loving – which makes everything so, so much easier.


  1. Being in love is sometimes hard.

Being in love with someone isn’t always easy. You have hard times that make it difficult to be in love with them. Since it’s not an automatic emotion, it can be hard to remember that you are in love with this person.


Not only that, but there’s more pain involved with being in love with someone because there is the possibility of loss. You can get into fights and your feelings might waver a little here and there because it’s hard to be in love with someone when you’re getting into fights.

  1. When you love someone you’re always comfortable around them.

You probably never get nervous to catch a movie with a friend that you love. You probably don’t care about running around your house in your underwear when just your family or even friends are around.


That’s because you’re comfortable around them. You love them and that kind of love means comfort. When you just love someone, your emotions are stable because you’re so comfortable. Although you can get mad or upset with someone you love, you’ll almost always go back to your same, comfortable self in no time.


  1. When you’re in love with someone, your emotions are heightened.

Butterflies kick in, you worry about your hair, and you wonder if your breath smells nice. These are all things that happen when you’re in love with someone. It’s also why you sometimes get really mad or irrationally jealous for no reason when dealing with someone you’re in love with.


Your emotions are sky high compared to just loving someone. Being in love creates a rollercoaster of emotions that are almost never in one steady stream. You get mad, sad, and ridiculously happy all in the same day when you’re with the person you’re in love with.


  1. Loving someone means you need them.

You need your mom and dad or parental figure, you need your siblings, you need your friends. When you love someone, they are a part of your life and they’re irreplaceable. You need them in your life in order to be complete. You need their support and their love in return. You might not want your mom snooping around your life – especially your love life – but you need her in your life anyways.


  1. Being in love means you want them.

You’ll be whole without them, but having them there makes it better. That’s what being in love is. They’re an addition to your life that makes you happy. It’s like you want what they offer in your life, but you could certainly live without it. The biggest difference is that you may not always need this person to contribute to your life, but you want them to because they make things that much better.


  1. When you love someone, it’s forever.

I bet your siblings come to mind with this one. Sure, you might fight and want to punch them in the face sometimes, but they’re your brother/sister and you love them no matter what. The feeling of loving someone never really goes away at all. Deep down, it remains there.


You know that through tough times and the best times, you’re going to love them forever and that feeling will never go away no matter what. They can even pass away and you’ll still love them long after they’re gone.


  1. Being in love can be temporary.

How many boyfriends have you told you loved them? I know I have been “in love” at least 3 times. But obviously I’m not with them anymore because that love was fleeting. Being in love is basically a chemical reaction in your brain that can actually go away after time. This is why marriages and relationships don’t always last even if you were so in love with them before.


And if the person you’re in love with (unfortunately) passes away, you won’t be in love with them anymore. As sad as that might sound, it takes two people to be in love. You may still love them after they’re gone, but you won’t be in love with them anymore.


The truth is, you can love someone that you’re dating but not be in love with them. The huge differences between the two are actually the cause to a lot of break ups. Just remember, it takes two people to be in love but only one person to love another. What do you think about loving vs being in love? What’s the difference to you?

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