What To Do If He Just Wants To Be Friends

By on April 30, 2015






Chances are if you’re reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. We’ve all heard those words at some point that they ‘just want to be friends’ and maybe we’ve said them to others too. The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Often we overlook people’s shortcomings when we are smitten and once those feelings of intense attraction fade, we realize it was quite silly to be chasing after that man-child in the first place. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.

 

Respect His Decision

He Just Wants To Be Friends

First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along. It’s hard to tell someone something that you know will hurt their feelings and at least he decided to be honest with you. You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship. Besides, in a romantic relationship, we should be concerned about their happiness foremost and if they aren’t happy being intimate, it’s your responsibility to completely and utterly honor that.

 

Take Some Space

If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way. You can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you’re disappointed but don’t say anything mean or hurtful. Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. It’s good to take space so you can occupy your mental space with some other things, this will let your feelings for him simmer down.

 

Decide if It’s Hurtful to Hang Out With Him

As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend. Please do not trick yourself into thinking you can handle being around him if you’re still wishing he will change his mind and you’re envisioning him waking up one day to confess his love. We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We are all only human and he doesn’t have magic powers. You’re the one with the magic powers to empower yourself to shift your focus and move on.

 

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Realize Your Worth

realize your worth 

We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. For whatever reason that he’s not vibing with you, it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you. You might intimate him or he might have serious fears from other situations he’s been through. The human mind and emotions are complicated and sometimes you just can’t force things. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself. Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Know your worth and don’t let someone make you feel sub-human.

 

Tell Yourself A New Story

It’s time to retell the story of you and him in your mind. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. If a guy wasn’t ready to date you, he has a good reason whether he tells you or not.

 

Be Grateful For His Friendship

Shift your mindset from victim to gratitude and you’ll start to feel better. Having an open and honest friendship with a guy can be one of the most healing things you’ll ever experience. When you have mutual respect you can learn how to put the other person’s feelings before yours and they can give you feedback about yourself, you’ll both grow. When you’re honest with them and they are honest with you, you might be actually helping yourself mature enough to find the ‘one.’

 

Focus on Your Goals and Health

Now it’s time to be about you. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Get your tail to yoga and start to feel super confident because you’ll be glowing from the inside out. Don’t waste time mopping about at home eating icecream. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals. When you’ve got it going on, you’ll attract men that like your positive vibe and see that you’re already happy on your own.

 

Remember A New Door Will Open

Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. If he wasn’t the one, someone better will come along when he’s supposed to. Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you. There are so many lovely people on this planet, don’t waste time crying over one.

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You will start feeling a little better each day and it’s good to put some effort into dressing fabulous so you feel like a million bucks. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive. We do not need a man to be happy and if we do meet a nice man, our relationships should be to help each other focus on our goals for making the world a better place, not to fill a void. Perspective is everything! Stay empowered.





307 Comments

  1. Nola

    March 22, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    Hi.
    I met this guy in November and we went out with his friends. He payed for my dinner, open the door to the cars and was sweet. We had planned to go out again and to the gym.He would text me every morning. Things were going good. we both were in school so we kept missing each other calls/ text. I still thought everything was fine. His birthday came and i bought him a gift card and chocolates. He was really appreciative and happy that I thought of him. 6 days later in library he pretty much ended things and said he doesn’t see himself in a relationship with me and that we should remain friends. He also said that the initital reason he approached me was because of lust. I was shocked bc i didn’t see this coming out of no where.3 months later no contact… fast forward to now, He saw me in the library (on his way to an elevator) and I spoke to him. That was that. Because I’m attracted to him, I’m now having feelings of disappointment and I don’t understand what went wrong
    My question is
    1. After 3 months is it worth asking what changed or his reasons why he made that decision?
    2. Deep down I may still like him, what should I do?
    3. I silently declined his “lets remain friends”. Is it worth having him in my life as a friend?
    4. Will I ever get out of the friend zone ?(idk how i got there in the first place)
    Thank you!!

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 23, 2017 at 7:42 am

      It seems like he was attracted to you physically, but quickly realized you were not the right match in other ways. After three months, it probably would not be worth it to bring this topic up again. Even though you still have feelings for him, it would be best for you to just move on–he was only interested in you physically, and that is unlikely to change. Only you can decide if it is worth remaining friends with him. He is probably not going to want to date in the future, so you would have to be friends with someone you like that will never like you back. If you can handle that and want that, do it. If not, there is nothing wrong with moving on and not being friends with him.

      • Nola

        March 24, 2017 at 6:29 am

        Thanks for your response. Why is it unlikely to change? Why is it something where he would prprobably not want to date me in the future ?
        Does first impressions mean everything.

        • web admin

          web admin

          March 24, 2017 at 8:33 am

          Once people make up their minds about something, they tend to stick to that. Also, he stopped pursuing the relationship because he felt like your personalities did not match. While someone’s personality can vary slightly over the years, most people have relatively the same personality for the majority of their lives. If he did not think that you guys were a match before, it is doubtful that his personality or interests changed enough since then to make it so that you guys would be a better match. While you can always hope that this could happen, it probably would be a waste of time to wait around for him to change his mind.

          • Nola

            March 24, 2017 at 10:58 am

            I can say that every time we did see each other, because I was attracted to him and got those butterfly feelings I was shy.so that can be something most guys don’t like or have time to wait around for. Now that I think about it, I have pattern of being shy when I first start talking to a guy
            How can I prevent that from happening the next time with another guy?

        • Justin

          March 24, 2017 at 8:45 am

          Nola, don’t confuse flattery and sweetness in the beginning with genuine relationship interest. You have made him in your mind be someone he is not.

          The best advice I can give you is if a guy wants you, you’ll know it. He won’t make it a mystery, he won’t try to confuse you. In fact, he’ll do the opposite, he’ll make it clear as day that he’s interested so as not to risk losing you.

          Given your feelings towards him, I say cut your losses and move on. You’re not being fair to yourself.

          Best of luck.

          • web admin

            web admin

            March 24, 2017 at 8:55 am

            That sounds like good advice from someone who has been there. I am sure that Nola will appreciate getting the extra insight. Thanks for commenting, Justin!

          • Nola

            March 24, 2017 at 11:11 am

            Ok so your saying that, maybe his intentions were wrong from the beginning. I just saw otherwise.
            Your right I’m not being fair to myself.
            Thanks for the advice .

            Can you offer any more great advice ?

  2. Caro

    March 19, 2017 at 5:33 am

    I’m about to turn 26, and have had three significant relationships, and have been dumped three times. I’m so ready to find a partner, but so tired of dating! The pattern of falling in love and getting dumped is getting to be a little too much for me. The last of my exes broke up with me last week. He and I were still very much in love, and had a strong relationship, but I initiated an argument about continuing to living in our city (I’d like to move someday, he apparently wants to die here) and in the end he decided that we were on different paths and called it off. I’ve been trying to convince him otherwise since. I didn’t foresee breaking up over where we live, I hoped that talking about it would lead to compromise. I feel very hurt and insecure, like I’m not “enough” for him to fight for, he didn’t choose me. I was all geared up to work for our relationship, because it’s so valuable to me, and I saw it as potentially being the person I wanted to stay with long-term, I didn’t think it possible that he didn’t feel the same way, and he keeps saying that he cares deeply about me, and that I’m wonderful, but that it “just won’t work”, so he wants to be friends. Is it worth trying to make him see my perspective, that our relationship is worth trying? If he feels so strongly about me, like he says, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t. Is he just scared?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 19, 2017 at 6:35 pm

      It seems as you already know the reason why your relationship has ended. You want to travel. You should take the end of your relationship to determine what you want with your life. You may be benefited by traveling for a year. Perhaps you can move to another state or country for a few years. This will give you a chance to be around people who share your desire for adventure. Have a great day, Caro!

  3. Rachelle

    March 15, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    I met this guy, we had one date and he invited me out to the desert with him and his family, it went really well, he was saying he was really glad I went and even talking about going in the future. I was with him for 3 day straight. On the second night we got drunk and slept together but everything seemed totally fine. Once we got back, I noticed he wasn’t texting me as much and kind of stringing me along for a couple weeks so I asked him what it was he wanted. At which point he told me he knows its messed up but that he had been burned so much in the past he didn’t know what he wanted. I played it cool and told him I understood and just wanted him to be happy. I saw him again last week for lunch and to give him back the socks he let me borrow, at which point he suggested we be friends. He doesn’t try to make plans or anything. Is there any chance this could work or should I give up?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 15, 2017 at 4:29 pm

      Your relationship can work. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you find that his heart is not in your relationship, then allow him to fade from our mind. If he takes action toward you and makes plans with you, then you can continue to develop the relationship. Have a great day, Rachelle!

  4. Ayame

    March 13, 2017 at 12:50 pm

    I have been into this guy since 2015, he not once ever had a girlfriend. I basically done nice things for him a friend or girlfriend would do. We been on dates and he just isn’t into me it seems. I had broken hearts, but I still wanted to get through to him. He finally realizes my good intentions after all these years and calls himself ignorant for ignoring my feelings. Right now he wants to stay as friends and if love is meant to be it’s meant to be. I am satisfied and we been shopping and worked out at the YMCA and went swimming. He works and goes to school and his days off is Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I’ll be honest, I just been actually satisfied with how things are now. I want to be more than friends, but I’m leaving it up to him. Things with us are just majorly progressing slowly. I’m just curious to why I’m satisfied, I believe after all the pains, I possibly reached my limit.

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 13, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      Continue to be his friend. If you believe that you need your relationship to grow or diminish, then share your thoughts and feelings with him. He may be interested in a relationship with you in the future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Accept his words as his true feelings and take appropriate action. Have a great day, Ayame!

  5. Jen Fishla

    March 12, 2017 at 5:10 am

    I like this guy and in the beginning everything was going great it really seemed he was into me. But then we went on a 3 day trip with some classmates and everything changed. He hardly text me and when I saw him he wouldn’t even make eye contact. So I decided to tell him I liked him because I was just really sick of holding on to it. And he said that I like you just not in that way referring to I just want to be friends. I just want to know why it changed so much and now he just wants to be friends

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 12, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      There are many possible reasons why his feelings could have changed. He may have felt as though you did not like him and his feelings were lost. Someone might have told him that you weren’t interested in him. He may be interested in someone else. Your best option is to continue talking with him and his feelings may redevelop. Best of luck, Jen!

  6. Mallory Anderson

    March 7, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    25- last week broken up with.
    Religious differences…

    This was very insightful and helpful.

    Thank you

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 8, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      Thank you for sharing your insights. Please feel free to share more of your thoughts and interests in the future. Have a great day, Mallory!

  7. Lauren

    March 4, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    I like this guy but he wants to be just friends we’re both Catholic and everything we have the same morals and values but still he wants to be just friends so I slowly backed away from the friendship so I had some space now I hardly see him enough to know how I feel about him I’m not sure if the friendship is worth it if I only get to see him once a year

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 5, 2017 at 10:17 am

      It might not be worth it. It does not sound like he wants anything more than friendship, so staying friends may just add stress to your life and make it harder for you to move on. He does know that you once liked him, so he could always reach out again if that is what he wants. You just have to decide what you want to do. If you would only get to see him once a year, it does not sound promising for a friendship or a relationship. It may be easier to just move on and find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. Good luck, Lauren!

  8. Miss80five

    February 19, 2017 at 10:30 am

    Guess I’ll throw my sitch in here too. I hooked my bff up with a guy that we met at the bar bc I wanted her to see her sh*tty bf was not the only fish in the sea. He and I had been friends the whole time and one night she did something terrible to me and he was, unbeknownst to him, involved. Well she and I patched it up after months apart. He and I had still communicated during that time bc he was hurt by it too. Recently, I needed someone to petsit and he stayed at my parents house in my bedroom. We texted and talked all day every day for the 4 days I was away and he spent the night with me the night before my flight (no sex). When I got back, he picked me up from the airport and we hung out later that night and he brought me a Choco taco since we had been talking about it earlier. We’d talked about sing parties, bc he knew I was a swinger, and I knew he was trying to get away from a crazy ex he had left 2 months ago who keeps texting him. He’s been having troubles bc he was trying to find a job out of school and he had gotten hurt on a previous under-the-table job. He said that he was not dating or having sex with anyone bc of all the drama and trying to get his career back on track. I was in the same spot a few years ago, so I understand his need to focus on that. My bff texted him pushing him to say he either wanted to be with me or not and he said “why is that important right now?” but she kept pushing him and I’m just happy having his support right now since I’m going through stuff now too. (She had said she wants us to be together and we’d be perfect together). We still talk every day. I took him to a swing party last weekend, and he wanted to play with me, but he had taken oxys for his injury and his body wouldn’t cooperate. We went outside for a smoke and he saw me shivering and offered me his coat. I declined but said it was sweet of him. I just didn’t want to cross boundaries. He kept saying he wanted to make sure it didn’t change that we were just friends. We still talk about very deep things like both of our mental health and personal things. He keeps saying we’re friends, but his actions say otherwise. I think just being a supportive friend is what he needs right now, but I’m kind of hoping we’ll eventually get together.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 20, 2017 at 10:09 am

      You would be best served by speaking directly and honestly to him about your thoughts and feelings. This may help the two of you establish the status of your relationship. If you remain friends, then you may find that your relationship will naturally grow into something more serious. Continue to act in a manner that you find conducive to your relationship. Best of luck, Miss!

  9. Frida

    February 14, 2017 at 7:52 pm

    I met this guy a couple months ago when school started, and at first I didn’t like him at all and I just wanted to be friends. I knew that he felt this way too and we became good friends. After a couple weeks his friends started telling me that he liked me and wanted to date. I didn’t have feelings for him and I could tell that he really liked me. He asked to hang out with him and a couple friends and we all hung out and watched TV at his house. The whole time he sat next to me and was flirting with me a lot and I started to like him. At school we talked every day and flirted in all of our classes. After two weeks of this I decided to ask him what was going on between us. He said that we were dating and I was really happy because I really liked him. Then after a week after saying that we were dating he said that he didn’t want to be together anymore. I was really confused because I had thought that everything was going great but I didn’t ask him why. At school the next day he acted as if we weren’t friends so I acted the same way. We didn’t talk anymore and we sat on opposite sides of the room. After a month I stopped liking him but then started to like him again last week. I decided that I should tell him how I feel and I did and he said that he doesn’t feel any different from before and we haven’t talked since that conversation. I’m just confused because I really like him and still want to be together and sometimes I feel like he might like me and other I feel like he doesn’t. At school he always says hey to me and asks me about my sports but I feel like there’s something wrong or holding us back from being more than friends or even friends… I’ve tried to get him to talk out what happened but he always avoids the conversations. What should I do if I still want a chance to be with him?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 15, 2017 at 9:32 am

      He has made his feelings clear about his thoughts about your relationship. He does not want to have a relationship with you at this time. You will only cause yourself to experience sadness, if you continue to think about him. Allow him to fade from your mind. Take this time to determine what you want with your life without him. Best of luck, Frida!

  10. Sara

    February 9, 2017 at 1:51 am

    Hi, my story is long n complicated, but I’ll say it anyways, I met friend on facebook, she was talking n complaining about her husband, n I didn’t like the way she was talking about him, in comments while everyone is reading them, I told her, u can inbox me if u want to talk, so she sent me a message, I told her I just don’t want ur husband to find out somehow you’re talking about him like that in public, I told her I have almost similar issues with my husband, so I know where u come from, so she said I dont wana be friends with u, I just wana talk n get it out n forget, I told her, it’s ok, if u dont want to ever talk to me again that’s fine, u can talk n feel better, n u can block me if u want, so she was talking for like an hour saying how muxh she loves him but he hurts her all the time, she said that they love each other a lot, but they fight alot, anyways, I tried to make her feel better n cell down, so before she hang up, she was calm n felt better, n I wished her best of luck, so next day she contacted me, n she said I wana be friends with u, I felt so good talking to u, n u made me feel better, n everything u said it worked for me, she thanked me, I told ur that she more than welcomed anytime she wants to talk.so long story short, one day she called me crying 😪, she said her husband wants to divorce her, I was so surprised because she used to tell me things got lot better, I workes on myself… , so I offered her if I can talk to her husband, she said he made his mind, n he is very stubborn, you’re just gona wast ur time, I told her let me try, I wana help u, so she asked me if she can give his number 📱, so I talked to him, it was just the texts, so I actually convinced h to give her an other chance, even he said it is not gona stop me from divorcing her, it just postponing it, he said we dont understand eachother, she doesn’t respect me, I do love her, but I feel sometimes that she is unstable , every time we have an argument, she starts swallowing the pills, she wants to kill herself or just trying to scare me, so again without getting into more details, they end up going separated ways, I kept in contact with him, he said he feels better, he does love ❤ her, but love isn’t enough, she I told him I wish u the best of luck , I really wished it worked for u guys, so one day he called me he was upset, he found out she was flirting with some wifi guy that he sent to fix the internet in his house 🏠, so she felt for that kid in his house , he said she claimed that nothing happened but he was hurt n he couldn’t forgive her.anyways what ma getting to is that I helped him dealling with this problem he felt like she cheated om him , not physically but it’s still it’s feelings, we start having very long talk at night, in day time, he texts me from his work, all the time he started feeling comfortable with me, n then somehow I felt something for him, n he kbew it, I told him there is something I wana tell u, but I dont know if it’s appropriate, he said say it, so I old him I have feelings for u, n he said , I feel same way, we start talking alot, then his wife talks to me n contact me to ask about him, n I felt so guilty, I feel like I betrayed her.anyways, long story short, this guy came n met me, we had a great weekend, n when he left I realized that I love him, so he was surprised he said we didn’t even live together how come u love me this muxh, I m really in love with him, I couldn’t blame his wife, he is got great personality, he knows how to treat a woman, he is gentleman, he makes u feel like a lady, before all this, I have problems in my marriage alot, n the only reason that kepps me with my husband is my kids, I have 2 beautiful girls, but after I feel the way I feel towards my friend’s husband, I asked for divorce, so anyways, my relationship with my friends husband become very strong, but he doesn’t feel all the way same way, so he said I like u alot, ur nice , beautiful, out of all women I had ur on the top 🔝 of the list, n ur kne of the best thing that happened in my life, so it makes me feel good, but I was expecting him to love me same way I love him, n I feel he the one, I wana marry him, n spend rest of my life with him, BUT, after all that he said I can’t marry you, I dont want get married anymore, n I can’t love anyone anymore, after his ex broke his heart ❤, he can’t let anyone in anymore, I asked him, is it temporary, he said I dont know, but as far as now, am a mess I dont know what I want, am scared of commitments, am scared of women, I dont trust women, plus he said ur my exes friend , she will find out, n she will call 📱 my family n try to make me look bad that I left her for her friend, anyways his family looks at him very respected , he doesn’t wana lose that respect, n he said an other reason u have kids, u can’t just walk 🚶 away n take kids from their dad, n u wont be able to move here to another state n I can’t just lcant just quit my job n come down there, I have my parents to take care of,so all the facts are telling us we can’t be together, n he actually said all those things before we met, n yet I still wanted to meet him, so to him we are not in relationship , meaning he could still go out with other women, so he met some girl, it’s nothing serious but to just go out n have fun, so he used to hide that, but, one day he told me, listen am going out, I dont have to tell u this but I dont want to hide things from u, I just wana go out n clear me head, u mean alot to me, but since we cant date, ur thousands of miles away from me, I have to go out, I have to hang out with other women, am not saying this to hurt u, but I’m being honest. So that hurt me alot, broke my heart ❤ in million pieces, couple days ago he talked to me for 2 hours, he explained everything again, that it doesn’t matter how we feel towards eaxh other, but there is alot of problems, ur expecting alot form me, n am not capable of providing that, like loving u, or marryjng u, I can’t do that, u have to accept it, am not saying this because I dont care, it’s because am still hurt, I loves my wife n look what she did, am not ready for any commitment not anytime soon, plus u have ur kids , focus on them, am not capable of giving u what u want, am sorry, lets be just friends for now, I told him I can’t u know how much I love u, he said well ur making me feel guilty n like am doing wrong things, we have to be realistic. Pls this is not personal.I want u in my life but as a friend. So am heartbroken, I can’t sleep 💤 I can’t eat, I can’t focus on my girls they’re bery young oldest is 3 yrs, pls help me, I feel am losing it, I can’t forget this guy, n I dont wana forget him, I still have this hope , that we will get back together one day, n he will love me, I can’t stop thnking that he will go out on the weekend with other girls, am so in pain 😭😭😭, pls help

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 9, 2017 at 11:07 am

      You have a husband and two children. You should end this relationship with your friend’s husband, for many reasons. There is no reason to continue to bring harm to your friend. There is no reason to choose to harm your husband. And there is no reason to bring harm to yourself by cheating. Focus on your husband and on your children. You are a married woman who has chosen to emotionally cheat on her spouse and put a strange man before your children. Make a decision. Good day, Sara.

  11. Maryanne

    February 4, 2017 at 9:47 am

    I met a guy online, we hit if off over phone to the point where we were talking for hours at a time. He said he was looking for marrieage and if we had a connection in person he would want to eventually marry me. We met in person and became exclusive right away. He was completely into me. He began telling me he loved me. We were both being mooshy and feeding off of each other. After only 2 days he said he said wanted to hold off on saying I love you and take things slow. I believe this happened after I showed him a little of my insecurities. Then two days later he told me he just wants to be friends. I did not sleep with him and that is why I am the more confused. What just happened? I’m so confused and numb. Can you please advise me?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 5, 2017 at 10:18 am

      It sounds like he fell for you hard, but then had second thoughts about it. It sounds like he rethought his decision later and realized that you were not the exact person that he was looking for you. Like you, I have no clue why he made this decision, but it sounds like he must have just decided that it was not quite right for him. Hopefully, the next guy that you date will be more in line with your personality and goals.

  12. Kalay Lay

    February 2, 2017 at 6:25 am

    I had a crush on a boy who is a senior at my university. When I told him about my feelings for him, he rejected me and said that he just wanted to be friend with me. But when I started dating with other boy, he told me that he doesn’t want me to date with other boy. He also said that he likes me being around with him. At last, I became his girlfriend. But now, one month after a relationship, he says that his family won’t let us being married or something more and he can’t love me as much as I love him. He asks me to choose one of two choices: to continue our relationship hoping that one day he will really love me back as much as I love him or to just remain as friends. What should I do? Please help me. I love him so much. I can’t forget him easily.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 2, 2017 at 2:19 pm

      Choose to establish your relationship with him as simply friends. It is clear that he is not interested in sharing himself with you fully. Do not allow him to prevent you from dating other people. Either he can give you his full emotional attachment, or he has not say over your relationships. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Best of luck, Kalay!

  13. Lauren

    January 29, 2017 at 6:49 pm

    There’s a guy I like but I don’t know how he feels last time I told him how I feel he said he just wants to be friends forever but I made it clear that it wasn’t good enough for me now that I saw him he probably knows how I feel about him and I’m not sure whether to tell him straight up that I can’t be just friends with him although a few years ago he told me I know the way to his heart but I don’t know what he meant by that

  14. Sarah Gordon

    January 25, 2017 at 8:39 pm

    I’ve been dating a guy for almost 2 months. Recently he had some personal issues that have come up. He is not ready to confide in me, I can respect that. But today he said he “thinks it best if we remain friends.” I don’t know what to do, and I’m completely hurt. I have never dated much, I’m not one to easily open up and trust others. But I feel very connected to him and we have so much in common. He says he has my best interests in mind and while it sounds final he said he wanted us to work but right now we can’t. I’m totally open to give him time and space, I don’t know what else I can say to him, he doesn’t have to push me away, I can be there.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 26, 2017 at 11:54 am

      He has made his feelings clear. If you want to remain friends with him, then do so. He may be working out some personal things that he doesn’t want to share with you. You may want to begin to view him as a friend. You may not want to become emotionally constrained by someone who does not feel the same about you. Remain positive as you move forward. Best of luck, Sarah!

  15. Chelsea

    January 25, 2017 at 4:28 pm

    I’ve found your article, and despite it appearing to have been published, it looks like you’re getting new comments and replying back! Must be something in the air… I’m deeply hurting right now. I matched with a guy on Tinder last March. He lives in London, and I’m in the states. We never got to actually meet while he was here, but we kept talking every day. It all resulted in me taking a four week trip last summer and finally meeting him. Needless to say, I fell hard. We had the most lovely, amazing, magical chemistry, and I cried for days after coming back home. We’ve kept in touch, but not as frequently as we had been before we met. He was supposed to travel here for work last November, but it didn’t work out either. We had been feeling out plans for me to come back and see him this spring, but he was waiting for his work travel plans to be confirmed before I booked any flights. Today, he told me that he will be in London when I had been planing to go, but then he said he thinks he sees me as a friend now, and didn’t want me coming there with us both thinking different things. Of course I feel foolish, especially knowing I risked such a thing or him meeting someone new at home with the miles between us. But needless to say, I am absolutely devastated. He’s all I think about, and have thought about for nearly a year. I feel so hopeless now. I had even been considering trying to get a work transfer to my company’s London office to be able to spend significant time with him and see if there was something really there. Obviously I won’t be, and I withdrew my vacation request, but it doesn’t make this hurt any less.

    • Chelsea

      January 25, 2017 at 4:29 pm

      *First line is supposed to say “published two years ago” 🙂

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 26, 2017 at 11:46 am

      Thank you for sharing your experiences. Sometimes people make strange decisions that hurt us. This is something that you may experience more than once in your life. Allow thoughts of him to fade away. You can take this as an opportunity. Perhaps take a vacation to another place and find someone that you want to experience a new relationship with. There are many options that you can take. Do anything other than concern yourself with someone who doesn’t want a relationship with you. Have a great week, Chelsea!

  16. kait

    January 21, 2017 at 2:39 pm

    hi
    So there is this guy I like and we started talking a few weeks ago… the first two days we texted a lot and he called me like nice and pretty and after that it got dry and he was starting to get hard to talk too. He’s really quite and has never had a girlfriend before and when he found out I liked him is said he wanted to be friends for now. So I’m confused like does he like me and isn’t ready?

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 22, 2017 at 4:36 pm

      It seems like you may have commented twice on this one. I have to answer and approve each comment individually, so it may sometimes take me a little while to answer all of them. If you do not see a response right away, do not worry because you will. Read through my previous response and let me know if you have any other questions. Thanks for commenting!

  17. madi

    January 21, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    hi
    So there is this guy I like and we started talking a few weeks ago… the first two days we texted a lot and he called me like nice and pretty and after that it got dry and he was starting to get hard to talk too. He’s really quite and has never had a girlfriend before and when he found out I liked him is said he wanted to be friends for now. So I’m confused like does he like me and isn’t ready?

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 22, 2017 at 4:23 pm

      He probably just finding it hard to think of something to say. He told you that he likes you and think you are pretty, but he does not know you well enough to know how to keep the conversation going. Try asking him about his interests, his hobbies and his beliefs. People naturally like talking about themselves, and if you can draw him out, you guys will have something to talk about together. It seems like he could like you and just does not know how to proceed–or he is afraid of having you as a girlfriend because he has never had a girlfriend and does not want to ruin things. Stay friends, talk to him and get him to feel more comfortable with you. Good luck, Madi!

  18. Sharlene Huang

    January 13, 2017 at 1:58 am

    Hi so like i like this guy and he even said he lokes me for white a while already so he ask “do you wanna start talking” and i said “yea ofc” “if you want” then he said “hell yea” but 2 days after conversation was so dry that i had to ask him “do you want to be talking to me?” He said “i do but maybe we ahould stay as friends for a little bit longer” . What does that mean first he said he likes me and thinks im cool and cute , then later on he said lets just stay as friends for a lil bit. I was just about to tear up when he said that.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 13, 2017 at 10:19 am

      If you want to have full and positive conversations with him, then it would be beneficial for the two of you to speak in person. Texting can become boring quite quickly. In person conversations will serve you much better. Additionally, it gives you the time to learn about how he acts in person. Tell him that you want to meet him for lunch or for a walk. This will help you determine the course of your relationship. Best of luck, Sharlene!

  19. Rachael

    January 2, 2017 at 12:19 pm

    Hi,

    I’m 22 years old. So in October, I broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. After about a month and a half of being single, I decided it was time to get back out there and meet some new people and have some fun so I downloaded Tindr. After a few disaster dates, I finally met someone amazing and lovely and who I thought really liked me. We met up a few times, would stay up til 2am talking on Skype and were talking constantly. We had a real connection. We have similar personalities as well as hobbies and interests and talking and flirting was just so easy and natural. He told me multiple times how much he liked me and how special I was. I didn’t ask for a commitment or try to pressure him into a relationship, given that I’d just come out of a pretty long term relationship. I was happy just meeting up and having fun. This went on for just over a month and then literally it all changed overnight and he just announced that he needs space to think about what he wants. Now I’m left feeling totally confused and feel like I’ve been led on. We had a long talk over the phone and I respected his decision and understood his reasons but I feel so hurt and I still really like him and want to be with him. He insisted that he still wanted to be friends and continue talking but so far I’ve been the only one to initiate conversation. I don’t want to keep being the one starting it because I’m worried about not giving him the space he needs and coming across as clingy. My head is telling me to move on but my heart is still clinging on even though I don’t think there’s hope of him ever changing his mind. My friends and family have all been pretty supportive and telling me how it’s his loss but I’m just feeling so down about it all. I really want to move forward from this. Please help x

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 3, 2017 at 11:50 am

      It is best that he was honest with you at this time. He likely had true feelings for you, and now his feelings are confused. Take this as a blessing and a chance to move to someone new. You do not need someone who is confused about their feelings for you. Take this time to look inward and determine what you want for your future. Perhaps look for relationships at places that interest you, rather than on Tinder or other applications. Best of luck, Rachael!

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