What To Do If He Just Wants To Be Friends

By on April 30, 2015






Chances are if you’re reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. We’ve all heard those words at some point that they ‘just want to be friends’ and maybe we’ve said them to others too. The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Often we overlook people’s shortcomings when we are smitten and once those feelings of intense attraction fade, we realize it was quite silly to be chasing after that man-child in the first place. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.

 

Respect His Decision

He Just Wants To Be Friends

First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along. It’s hard to tell someone something that you know will hurt their feelings and at least he decided to be honest with you. You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship. Besides, in a romantic relationship, we should be concerned about their happiness foremost and if they aren’t happy being intimate, it’s your responsibility to completely and utterly honor that.

 

Take Some Space

If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way. You can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you’re disappointed but don’t say anything mean or hurtful. Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. It’s good to take space so you can occupy your mental space with some other things, this will let your feelings for him simmer down.

 

Decide if It’s Hurtful to Hang Out With Him

As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend. Please do not trick yourself into thinking you can handle being around him if you’re still wishing he will change his mind and you’re envisioning him waking up one day to confess his love. We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We are all only human and he doesn’t have magic powers. You’re the one with the magic powers to empower yourself to shift your focus and move on.

 

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Realize Your Worth

realize your worth 

We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. For whatever reason that he’s not vibing with you, it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you. You might intimate him or he might have serious fears from other situations he’s been through. The human mind and emotions are complicated and sometimes you just can’t force things. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself. Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Know your worth and don’t let someone make you feel sub-human.

 

Tell Yourself A New Story

It’s time to retell the story of you and him in your mind. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. If a guy wasn’t ready to date you, he has a good reason whether he tells you or not.

 

Be Grateful For His Friendship

Shift your mindset from victim to gratitude and you’ll start to feel better. Having an open and honest friendship with a guy can be one of the most healing things you’ll ever experience. When you have mutual respect you can learn how to put the other person’s feelings before yours and they can give you feedback about yourself, you’ll both grow. When you’re honest with them and they are honest with you, you might be actually helping yourself mature enough to find the ‘one.’

 

Focus on Your Goals and Health

Now it’s time to be about you. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Get your tail to yoga and start to feel super confident because you’ll be glowing from the inside out. Don’t waste time mopping about at home eating icecream. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals. When you’ve got it going on, you’ll attract men that like your positive vibe and see that you’re already happy on your own.

 

Remember A New Door Will Open

Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. If he wasn’t the one, someone better will come along when he’s supposed to. Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you. There are so many lovely people on this planet, don’t waste time crying over one.

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You will start feeling a little better each day and it’s good to put some effort into dressing fabulous so you feel like a million bucks. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive. We do not need a man to be happy and if we do meet a nice man, our relationships should be to help each other focus on our goals for making the world a better place, not to fill a void. Perspective is everything! Stay empowered.





267 Comments

  1. Sharlene Huang

    January 13, 2017 at 1:58 am

    Hi so like i like this guy and he even said he lokes me for white a while already so he ask “do you wanna start talking” and i said “yea ofc” “if you want” then he said “hell yea” but 2 days after conversation was so dry that i had to ask him “do you want to be talking to me?” He said “i do but maybe we ahould stay as friends for a little bit longer” . What does that mean first he said he likes me and thinks im cool and cute , then later on he said lets just stay as friends for a lil bit. I was just about to tear up when he said that.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 13, 2017 at 10:19 am

      If you want to have full and positive conversations with him, then it would be beneficial for the two of you to speak in person. Texting can become boring quite quickly. In person conversations will serve you much better. Additionally, it gives you the time to learn about how he acts in person. Tell him that you want to meet him for lunch or for a walk. This will help you determine the course of your relationship. Best of luck, Sharlene!

  2. Rachael

    January 2, 2017 at 12:19 pm

    Hi,

    I’m 22 years old. So in October, I broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. After about a month and a half of being single, I decided it was time to get back out there and meet some new people and have some fun so I downloaded Tindr. After a few disaster dates, I finally met someone amazing and lovely and who I thought really liked me. We met up a few times, would stay up til 2am talking on Skype and were talking constantly. We had a real connection. We have similar personalities as well as hobbies and interests and talking and flirting was just so easy and natural. He told me multiple times how much he liked me and how special I was. I didn’t ask for a commitment or try to pressure him into a relationship, given that I’d just come out of a pretty long term relationship. I was happy just meeting up and having fun. This went on for just over a month and then literally it all changed overnight and he just announced that he needs space to think about what he wants. Now I’m left feeling totally confused and feel like I’ve been led on. We had a long talk over the phone and I respected his decision and understood his reasons but I feel so hurt and I still really like him and want to be with him. He insisted that he still wanted to be friends and continue talking but so far I’ve been the only one to initiate conversation. I don’t want to keep being the one starting it because I’m worried about not giving him the space he needs and coming across as clingy. My head is telling me to move on but my heart is still clinging on even though I don’t think there’s hope of him ever changing his mind. My friends and family have all been pretty supportive and telling me how it’s his loss but I’m just feeling so down about it all. I really want to move forward from this. Please help x

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 3, 2017 at 11:50 am

      It is best that he was honest with you at this time. He likely had true feelings for you, and now his feelings are confused. Take this as a blessing and a chance to move to someone new. You do not need someone who is confused about their feelings for you. Take this time to look inward and determine what you want for your future. Perhaps look for relationships at places that interest you, rather than on Tinder or other applications. Best of luck, Rachael!

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