What To Do If He Just Wants To Be Friends

By on April 30, 2015






Chances are if you’re reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. We’ve all heard those words at some point that they ‘just want to be friends’ and maybe we’ve said them to others too. The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Often we overlook people’s shortcomings when we are smitten and once those feelings of intense attraction fade, we realize it was quite silly to be chasing after that man-child in the first place. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.

 

Respect His Decision

He Just Wants To Be Friends

First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along. It’s hard to tell someone something that you know will hurt their feelings and at least he decided to be honest with you. You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship. Besides, in a romantic relationship, we should be concerned about their happiness foremost and if they aren’t happy being intimate, it’s your responsibility to completely and utterly honor that.

 

Take Some Space

If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way. You can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you’re disappointed but don’t say anything mean or hurtful. Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. It’s good to take space so you can occupy your mental space with some other things, this will let your feelings for him simmer down.

 

Decide if It’s Hurtful to Hang Out With Him

As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend. Please do not trick yourself into thinking you can handle being around him if you’re still wishing he will change his mind and you’re envisioning him waking up one day to confess his love. We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We are all only human and he doesn’t have magic powers. You’re the one with the magic powers to empower yourself to shift your focus and move on.

 

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Realize Your Worth

realize your worth 

We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. For whatever reason that he’s not vibing with you, it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you. You might intimate him or he might have serious fears from other situations he’s been through. The human mind and emotions are complicated and sometimes you just can’t force things. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself. Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Know your worth and don’t let someone make you feel sub-human.

 

Tell Yourself A New Story

It’s time to retell the story of you and him in your mind. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. If a guy wasn’t ready to date you, he has a good reason whether he tells you or not.

 

Be Grateful For His Friendship

Shift your mindset from victim to gratitude and you’ll start to feel better. Having an open and honest friendship with a guy can be one of the most healing things you’ll ever experience. When you have mutual respect you can learn how to put the other person’s feelings before yours and they can give you feedback about yourself, you’ll both grow. When you’re honest with them and they are honest with you, you might be actually helping yourself mature enough to find the ‘one.’

 

Focus on Your Goals and Health

Now it’s time to be about you. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Get your tail to yoga and start to feel super confident because you’ll be glowing from the inside out. Don’t waste time mopping about at home eating icecream. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals. When you’ve got it going on, you’ll attract men that like your positive vibe and see that you’re already happy on your own.

 

Remember A New Door Will Open

Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. If he wasn’t the one, someone better will come along when he’s supposed to. Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you. There are so many lovely people on this planet, don’t waste time crying over one.

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You will start feeling a little better each day and it’s good to put some effort into dressing fabulous so you feel like a million bucks. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive. We do not need a man to be happy and if we do meet a nice man, our relationships should be to help each other focus on our goals for making the world a better place, not to fill a void. Perspective is everything! Stay empowered.





336 Comments

  1. raisa

    May 9, 2017 at 10:30 am

    I would like to thank for this awesome article. It is the best one I have went through ever.
    But I would like to seek a few more suggestions regarding my issues..
    The guy I am in love with is an introvert in nature. He was just a colleague of mine when I fell for him. After I proposed him he said he just don’t want it right now and that he likes me but wants me to stay as his friend.
    Even after that we went to a few hangouts but every time we talked about this, he seemed confused.
    As we started being friends (just like he wanted),we created a very nice and strong friendship among us. Even being introvert he started to reveal and share his thoughts and problems and even trusted me with his most precious secrets of life.
    I don’t know if these are normal or not but he has never been so open to anyone before.. He has a very few number of friends and started relying on me more these days.
    But having feelings for him in my mind and working in the same organization everyday, every hour meeting him, working with him, having lunch discussing projects and all are making it difficult for me to suppress my feeling for him. I have never been into relationship before truely I want or rather hope him to be the ‘one’ in my life.
    I don’t know if my case is common or a stupid one but I really would be obliged if you can guide me through this situations. I m also very new to all these…

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 9, 2017 at 2:00 pm

      It sounds like you are already doing everything right. Either it is the wrong time for a relationship for him, or he doesn’t want to date someone at his work. You know he likes you on some level, and you certainly get along well as friends. Perhaps all you need is more time as friends to really figure out where this relationship is headed. You could also just talk to him about dating again and see what he says. If he is introvert, he may be afraid to make a move after all this time has passed because he may not be certain how you feel anymore.

      • raisa

        May 9, 2017 at 9:42 pm

        Thank you for your advice.

        • web admin

          web admin

          May 10, 2017 at 9:03 am

          No problem! Good luck!

  2. Anna

    April 30, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    I was with someone for 9 months. We were not official, but didn’t see other people. Unfortunately, he said he couldn’t see me in his future and wanted to end things before I got even more attached. Though we ended with a peaceful conversation and an agreement to stay as friends, a part of me just couldn’t let things go. Because I thought if only we did take things to another step, something might have changed. I agree with you, give some time and space and shift our focus to our own well-being would be a good thing to do. It seems counter productive to be friends (though i know that he is genuine and isn’t saying it to be nice) But I wonder, would being open to the opportunity of ‘getting back together’ a good idea? Or is it just a different kind of black hole…

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 1, 2017 at 10:18 am

      Thank you for sharing your experiences. You are right, there is always a risk associated with not moving the relationship forward. It is possible that the relationship would have remained, but it is also possible that it would have ended and there would have been greater emotional turmoil. Take this relationship as a lesson for the future. Have a great day, Anna!

  3. Tamara

    April 25, 2017 at 2:29 am

    This article was a good read. Thanks! I have been hanging out with a guy for almost a year now and he says he just wants to be friends…but we spend so much time together and always have the best time! We have gotten physical a few times last year but that faded away along with kisses… But we spend so much time together! I don’t call him often as he calls me regularly not do I ask to see him as he is calling to see me multiple times a week or just popping up to hang out. I could say I love him and have expressed my feeling to him in a way that left him no room to respond lol. I know his feelings for me are strong as he is always trying to make sure I’m ok but wonder if he would ever SEE me. I have told him before that I want to be in a relationship and worry that I would not be able to find Mr right if I’m always with him…he said he doesn’t want to keep me from what I want and offered a “separation”. I said I didn’t know and found an increase in the amount of time he wanted to spend with me. It seems like he doesn’t want to commit to me and doesn’t want anyone else to have me. He considers me his best friend but I want more. 🙁

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 25, 2017 at 2:01 pm

      Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he does not want to develop a relationship with you, then explain that you think that your close friendship may be causing other men to not want trust you. He should understand this and feel comfortable with taking a step back. It would be beneficial to have another discussion with him at this time. Good luck, Tamara!

  4. Brian

    April 24, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    “Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you…”
    Well don’t fool yourself with this kind of thinking. True, for MOST people it is true, but for a minority like me, it was never true. The right person will NEVER come to you. I’m 60 and, of course, found out for myself. My advice is if you’re 40 or over, please, do NOT believe this line. You’ll be doing yourself a disservice. I stopped believing it at 45 and life was much better after that, once I just accepted that for a minority, there is simply no one. Ever.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 25, 2017 at 1:56 pm

      There are many ways to choose to view the world in a negative light. It is your decision to make. There is always time to bring your mind around to a realistic and positive view. This will help your relationships flourish. Go out and take action. Have a great day, Brian.

  5. Lauren

    April 14, 2017 at 6:28 pm

    Well I guess the guy should take off his blinders and see if he has feelings for me too because honestly I could never imagine my life without him but it might be the best thing right now if he wasn’t for a while because I would have to be a bigger priority then I am now and I don’t think right now he’s the right friend for me I’m trying but every time he talks about another girl I just want to scream stop it

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 15, 2017 at 11:03 am

      Feel free to explain your feelings to him. If he begins speaking about another girl, then explain to him that you do not want to have that conversation. If he does not listen to your feelings, then perhaps it would be best for you to allow him to fade from your life. Have a great day, Lauren!

      • Lauren

        May 5, 2017 at 5:48 pm

        Thank you for your advice I’m going to try telling him that I don’t need to know about his dating life hopefully he’s a good guy and will respect my feelings he’s sweet guy but I’m not sure if he has any respect for me

        • web admin

          web admin

          May 6, 2017 at 1:10 pm

          I hope it all works out for you. Good luck, Lauren!

          • Lauren

            May 10, 2017 at 11:21 pm

            I think I’m going to take a break from the friendship it will be hard be its the only way he will ever respect me I guess if the feelings fade then the friendship is meant to be but if not then it isn’t

            • web admin

              web admin

              May 11, 2017 at 8:22 am

              That is probably a good idea. It will be easier on your feelings, and it may even make him realize how much you mean to him. Good luck, Lauren!

  6. Clare

    April 9, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    Thanks for the wise words. I’ve been hanging out with this guy for a months or so. I really like him and we enjoyed good time together. But since beginning he has told me he doesn’t want anything serious. It’s not personal but he doesn’t feel like being in a relationship. From my point of view I just think he’s not that into me so he said that. And it makes me feel rejected. However reading this article helps me to go through this and I have to think what’s the best for me . He offeres to be friends and I think he can be a really good friend. But I’m not sure if I will Klee the hope in me. I know I should move on. I just feel a little hurt about it.. I’m not sure what’s the best solution.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 10, 2017 at 8:11 am

      I am glad that the article could help you. It can be really difficult to remain friends with someone if you want or wanted more than that. Some people can handle it, but it is probably a good idea to just move on for most people. Good luck, Clare!

  7. Layla

    March 31, 2017 at 6:51 am

    I have been with this guy for one year and two months but towards the last month things weren’t so good so I suggested a break. Three weeks later he broke up with and said we should be friends. However, he did say that he still loved me and that if things got better between us we could get back together.The break up was a week ago and we met up four days ago and we made out and acted as though we’re still together but then he said it again that we’re friends for now. Knowing him, he’s not the type of person to mislead someone or give them false hopes. Besides his best friend told me the same thing; he still loves me but he’s going through some tough times. We’re still in touch, we talk everyday and we have a date planned (although as friends). What do you guys think, and what should I do because I’m deeply and madly in love with him?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 31, 2017 at 9:24 am

      Give him some space. If he figures out the rest of his life and gets to a better place, he may decide to come back to you. Being around him all the time will not give him the space that he needs to think. Plus, it is easy for one partner to take the other for granted during a friends with benefits relationship, so you may want to avoid that option for now. And, if you are constantly around him, he won’t have a chance to miss you and figure things out. There is no way to know if he will get back together with you, but giving him some space can help. Good luck, Layla!

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