What To Do If He Just Wants To Be Friends

By on April 30, 2015






Chances are if you’re reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. We’ve all heard those words at some point that they ‘just want to be friends’ and maybe we’ve said them to others too. The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Often we overlook people’s shortcomings when we are smitten and once those feelings of intense attraction fade, we realize it was quite silly to be chasing after that man-child in the first place. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.

 

Respect His Decision

He Just Wants To Be Friends

First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along. It’s hard to tell someone something that you know will hurt their feelings and at least he decided to be honest with you. You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship. Besides, in a romantic relationship, we should be concerned about their happiness foremost and if they aren’t happy being intimate, it’s your responsibility to completely and utterly honor that.

 

Take Some Space

If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way. You can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you’re disappointed but don’t say anything mean or hurtful. Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. It’s good to take space so you can occupy your mental space with some other things, this will let your feelings for him simmer down.

 

Decide if It’s Hurtful to Hang Out With Him

As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend. Please do not trick yourself into thinking you can handle being around him if you’re still wishing he will change his mind and you’re envisioning him waking up one day to confess his love. We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We are all only human and he doesn’t have magic powers. You’re the one with the magic powers to empower yourself to shift your focus and move on.

 

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Realize Your Worth

realize your worth 

We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. For whatever reason that he’s not vibing with you, it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you. You might intimate him or he might have serious fears from other situations he’s been through. The human mind and emotions are complicated and sometimes you just can’t force things. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself. Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Know your worth and don’t let someone make you feel sub-human.

 

Tell Yourself A New Story

It’s time to retell the story of you and him in your mind. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. If a guy wasn’t ready to date you, he has a good reason whether he tells you or not.

 

Be Grateful For His Friendship

Shift your mindset from victim to gratitude and you’ll start to feel better. Having an open and honest friendship with a guy can be one of the most healing things you’ll ever experience. When you have mutual respect you can learn how to put the other person’s feelings before yours and they can give you feedback about yourself, you’ll both grow. When you’re honest with them and they are honest with you, you might be actually helping yourself mature enough to find the ‘one.’

 

Focus on Your Goals and Health

Now it’s time to be about you. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Get your tail to yoga and start to feel super confident because you’ll be glowing from the inside out. Don’t waste time mopping about at home eating icecream. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals. When you’ve got it going on, you’ll attract men that like your positive vibe and see that you’re already happy on your own.

 

Remember A New Door Will Open

Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. If he wasn’t the one, someone better will come along when he’s supposed to. Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you. There are so many lovely people on this planet, don’t waste time crying over one.

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You will start feeling a little better each day and it’s good to put some effort into dressing fabulous so you feel like a million bucks. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive. We do not need a man to be happy and if we do meet a nice man, our relationships should be to help each other focus on our goals for making the world a better place, not to fill a void. Perspective is everything! Stay empowered.





366 Comments

  1. Princess vera

    October 16, 2017 at 2:15 pm

    He have a family and for some years they are not together so we start dating for some months ago suddenly the woman came back and sayou she wants her marriage back this has been creating some space between me and him i complain about the space between us and he tell me that we should just be friends for the main time and am not comfortable with it because I love him what should I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 17, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is unable and unwilling to establish a relationship with you at this time. He is interested in focusing on his family. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Do not reach out to this person, and allow thoughts of him to fade. Look to the future and see what new opportunities become available. Have a great day, Princess!

  2. Niamh

    October 15, 2017 at 5:30 pm

    There is this guy that I have been working with for two years in the same organisation and we have hung out a few times and have had fun and some laughs. I like him more than friends but he doesn’t know but only recently he found out from my friend about how I felt about him and he messaged me saying that he only likes me as a friend. I don’t know how to act a round him at work but I still have a crush on him and want him to change his mind. I don’t mind becoming his friend if it means I can get closer to him. What shall I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 15, 2017 at 8:14 pm

      If he likes you as a friend and you still respect and care for him, then continue to treat him as a friend. There is no reason for you to act differently around him. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with him at all times. You may choose to attempt to spend additional time with him, as this will help to bring the two of you closer. Have a great day, Niamh!

  3. Courtney

    October 12, 2017 at 4:53 pm

    Is it possible that the man will come back once he sees that your better off without him? or is there a 0% chance?

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 12, 2017 at 8:51 pm

      If you believe that you are better off without him, then you should not attempt to develop a relationship with this person. It is clear that you are not interested in nourishing this relationship. Do not reach out to this person. Take this time to look inward and determine what you want for your future. Have a great day, Courtney!

  4. Sarah

    October 10, 2017 at 8:04 am

    I have the similar situation. I and the guy are becoming very good friend when we are kind of dating, we share lots of personal feelings. But i know i want a relationship and told him about that. At beginning he said he is slow then several month passed by. I asked again and said I can accept that we are only be friend. He go silence. When i ask him are we friend, he said yes. so I asked can i start seeing other guys. He said yes and get angry.
    I do not know do you have some suggestions about that

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 10, 2017 at 8:29 pm

      His feelings for you are no longer going to influence your life. Make this determination and enjoy the benefits that will enter your life. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. He is not interested in continuing your relationship. New opportunities will become available shortly. Have a great day, Sarah!

      • Sarah

        October 11, 2017 at 1:46 am

        Thanks very much for your reply. It feels great that I can talk to people who have clear mind.
        I know I can not be still hesitate any more. It is time to make the decision even it is hard. I still have a few thing what he did I can not understand. A little more introduction about us:
        Both of us are adult and have good jobs. He had been cheated before and I do not have much love experience before. Maybe that is the reason we did not manage our relationship well. I have a few questions to help me to the confusion. Please be direct, thanks in advance.
        1. You said ‘Make this determination and enjoy the benefits that will enter your life’, what do you mean by this determination? is it that the guy’s feeling is not influence me?
        2. Should i stop to contact him and let him to contact me first? Because I do enjoy spend time together.
        3. I am planning to put myself on the market again. do you think that I should tell him that I data other guy? Because I still like him and want to keep friendship at least and hope for more. maybe should i kill that hope?
        4. I became to think lately that is there some problems/pattern of me. He is the one who showed the interest and pursue me first. I felt his sincerity, and with the process I accept him and I became to spend a lot of time together. Then When I came to the stage want a confirmed relationship. he avoid first, then i asked again, he get annoyed, and a little angry at last. why i am asking that because I want to avoid the same issues to happen again in the future.

        Thanks very much for your time.

        • web admin

          web admin

          October 11, 2017 at 5:24 pm

          It is clear that you are no longer interested in maintaining an emotional relationship with this person. This person has hurt you, so there is no reason to allow his feelings to influence your action. There is no reason for you to reach out to this person. If you want to date someone, then do so after you end this relationship. You will not gain benefit by cheating on your partner. It is great that you have learned from your lesson. Have a great day, Sarah!

          • Sarah

            October 11, 2017 at 11:46 pm

            Thanks very much for you expertise.

            • web admin

              web admin

              October 12, 2017 at 8:35 pm

              Thank you for sharing your positive comment. Have a great day, Sarah!

  5. Edana

    September 8, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    I am currently in a pretty serious game of d&d. My dm keeps flirting with me and I like him, so I flirt back. About a week ago he invited me to eat dinner with his parents and I said yes. It went great and afterward we went back to his place and we ended up cuddling. Today, I invited him to see a show I have free tickets for. I didn’t mean it as a date, but that is what he took it as. He declined and said that he just wants to be friends. It honestly felt like I had been punched in the heart. I don’t know what to do now. I am still a part of the d&d game and I can’t quit right now or else my entire team will lose, but I have no idea how to act around him. I have never been in a relationship before and still haven’t since this was very brief, but I don’t know how awkward it will be to see him every week. I have no idea what to do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 8, 2017 at 10:02 pm

      You have learned an excellent lesson in both relationships and D&D. Remember that splitting a game for a relationship may cause games to go poorly. Luckily, you will find that you have the upper hand. Play your character, and be sure to let him know that you are still friends with him. It does not need to be awkward. Continue to develop your wisdom, and enjoy your game of D&D. Happy dungeoneering, Edana!

  6. Maya

    September 8, 2017 at 3:14 am

    i was speaking to this boy for a month before i met up with him, we speak about everything. after the first initial meet i went back like a week later and slept with him, i went hime and that night he was totally fine, stilling really engaging.
    The the next day he went so quiet. Then after that i felt a little bit weird so i messaged him saying… Have i put you off and he said. ‘its not that you put me off but maybe we should just be friends. I DONT GET IT

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 8, 2017 at 9:02 pm

      If he has shared his feelings with you, then accept his feelings. He is not interested in developing a relationship with you. It is possible that he is not interested in having a relationship with you at this time. He may be interested in developing a relationship with someone else. Allow him to fade from your thoughts at this time. A new opportunity will become available. Have a great day, Maya!

  7. shycoh

    August 21, 2017 at 9:30 am

    I’ve meet this guy online we date for a couple of months and we have a good connection but suddenly as time goes by seems he change like i just exists when he needs something from me. I feel so dumb for trusting him easily and it comes to a point that i can take it anymore base on what i observed so i ask him.. then he just answer me with “I just wanna be friends maybe we should try that” sucks! After all he drop everything we’ve started and he now playing safe. I didnt reply him because i feel so damn down to level of nowhere?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 21, 2017 at 9:38 pm

      He is no longer interested in developing a relationship with you. You are lucky that this happened before the relationship continued longer. Allow thoughts of him to fade from your mind. Allow his actions to influence your future decisions. You will be benefited by looking inward and determining what you want from your future relationships. Have a great day, Shycoh!

  8. Lauri

    August 12, 2017 at 1:07 am

    So there’s this guy that I’ve been talking to but we talk on and off (we’re both currently in high school). We first started talking back in February this year and he asked me to hang out once and I thought it was just going to be the two of us but he invited his friends. Then we stoped talking but then we started talking again in March but then stoped and now we’re talking again. Me and him have been talking for almost two months. In the beginning he told me that he wanted to hang out with me but just the two of us and told me that he wants a girl bestfriend and he was referring to me but now he compliments me a lot telling me that I’m cute, beautiful, pretty and so on and so for. He told me that he wants to hang out with me at whatever time I’m available because he wants to get to know me and he recently just asked me to hang out with him in school since I don’t see him as much now. I’m just really conflicted because I’m not sure if he wants to be just friends or if he wants something more.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 13, 2017 at 5:53 pm

      He has a strong emotional connection with you. He may simply want to remain friends. He may want to develop a relationship with you in the future. He will likely continue to treat you with kindness and compassion. The strength of your relationship with grow as the two of you spend time with each other. Have a great day, Lauri!

  9. Christina

    July 21, 2017 at 6:30 am

    Thanks for the article! I have recently been seeing a guy that I have known since university. We are both going through divorces but he is farther along than me. We started seeing each other as friends but he has always been super sweet opening doors, paying for meals etc. My friends though we were dating and it was confusing so I asked him. He said he didn’t really know what we were doing but we are great friends and not to rush into anything. We continue to spend time together and 2 weeks ago we hooked up (not sex). It was completely initiated by him but I wanted to. The next day there was no awkwardness, we went out to dinner and held hands, kissed goodbye. I went away on vacation with a friend and when I came back he had done a 180 and started talking about dating other people. When I questioned what had happened before I left he kind of beat around the bush. He said he is not in the right head space for a relationship and wants to be single. He says he likes me and always has but just doesn’t feel ready. Then he started talking about all of these other girls who are into him… He left it at he will still think more about it and we should do something next week. I have also become really good friends with his older sister as we share a mutual friend and now things are becoming awkward there.
    I am really upset because I wish he had done this before we hooked up. I have no idea why he changed his mind and I don’t know if I can just be friends right now. Advice?

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 21, 2017 at 8:16 pm

      Continue to live your life without him for the moment. He likely is interested in seeing other people before he settles down in a loving relationship. That does not mean that you need to wait for him. In fact, you should take this as an opportunity to look inward and determine what you want for your future. You can continue to remain friends with his sister, as your relationship with her brother should not influence her feelings toward you. Have a great day, Christina!

  10. Naomi

    July 12, 2017 at 11:08 pm

    It’s not easy for me to open up. Especially when I’m already not in a good place.
    This is what happened to me when the big grin he gave me made me feel like a teen again. We had our first conversation with no introduction when i felt him lurking behind me, noticing we shared the same interest. A week later, after seeing him a couple more times, I ran into him at a bar and it was a bit awkward because I was super nervous.But it seemed to be this brief moment when his friend and my friends all stood around talking.
    I was a giddy teen again when my colleague jumped in the car saying that he had told her I was attractive, but seemed like I didn’t want to be bothered. That hit me like a ton of bricks because my close friends confirmed that I might seem aloof to people that don’t know me well. Not to mention how every word I said to him didn’t seem right.
    Through it all we managed to become friends and hung out in groups and alone a couple times but I was clueless on how to show him I liked him. It turned into me trying too hard, him rejecting me for more than friends.
    We still texted on and off and he’d come hang out only in a group but it really bothered me that my approach may have killed any attraction. I really did enjoy his personality but it’s hard not to hope sometimes. We haven’t chatted in weeks and I wanted to reach out but part of me thinks maybe I should let him go because maybe his friendship was only to make up for him rejecting me and how I embarrassed I felt. The other part of me says it doesn’t hurt to have another friend so here I am conflicted…

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 13, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      It sounds as though you are at a joint junction point. Determine if you want to develop a relationship with this person or if you are comfortable with having him less influential in your life. If you want to reach out to him one more time, then there is no harm in it. You may also decide to move in a new direction. Have a great day, Naomi!

      • Naomi

        July 19, 2017 at 9:07 am

        Thank you so much for your response. I guess I’m fearing rejection again because as I said, I don’t know if he was just bored or being polite as he still hasn’t texted.

        Also, like many others here I sometimes wonder if there is a chance in the future but I know noone can predict that.

        I’m just disappointed at my behavior that he indirectly called out and striving to work on that moving forward.

        • web admin

          web admin

          July 19, 2017 at 7:43 pm

          It sounds like you are making progress. When you feel comfortable, then reach out to him. If he is interested in developing a relationship with you at that time, then spend additional time with him. For now, focus on yourself and work toward your goals. Treat everyone in your life with kindness and compassion. Have a great day, Naomi!

  11. Breanna

    June 15, 2017 at 11:41 am

    Hey, I’d like to share my recent experience (and hope I will not be judged):

    After I broke up with my ex, I started sleeping with my ex’s guitarist “C” (my relationship with my ex had reached a point in which I’d lost all respect for my ex). Our FWB rs was kept on the downlow to avoid any drama and lasted for about 3 months, when C got himself a gf. He said to be friends and I accepted. After around a month of being friends, C came on to me and cheated on his gf with me. Not the highlights in my life to be sure. Anyway, C soon broke up with her and we continued being FWB. When he got back together with her and told me to be friends, I said no. That this time we needed space from each other. Time passed by and we started hanging out as friends again. He broke up with his gf soon after and asked me to recontinue our rs. After some thought I accepted. We eventually started dating exclusively, but we were not boyfriend/girlfriend and I never pressured him otherwise. We went out to the cinema, to eat, every now and then. We’d talk and he told me about his relationships, his friends, his family. Our rs lasted a year and here’s where I’d like to gain some insight: a few months ago he told me he felt that even though I didn’t say it, I was getting very attached to him and he was afraid he couldn’t give me what I wanted and that he’d end up hurting me. I told him that I wasn’t asking for more. A few weeks later he then asked me if I wanted to go away with him for the weekend with his band (he’d left my ex’s band because he felt they were going nowhere) but last moment the gig was cancelled and so the trip never happened. A few months after he said he needed space to carry out his things: band, work, gym, etc. That he felt we had too much sex and it left him tired. I was unsure if he was trying to end things. I hate imposing myself on people and don’t want to be anywhere I’m not wanted. I clarified this to him and added that I felt I didn’t take up much of his time and had always respected his alone time to deal with his things. That I liked him having his own projects because it was so different to my ex who basically wanted us to be joined at the hip in EVERYTHING. He agreed that it wasn’t me that necessarily took up all his time. That he was just stating that he had let his lifestyle slip, but that this was mostly because of his recent job taking up most of his time. So I asked him if he wanted space from me, to stop seeing each other. He said no, that wasn’t the case. Then teased me saying “I think you’re thinking I’m dating someone else” to which I replied “I have always valued your honesty and tbh I never thought there was another girl, unless you tell me so”. He said there wasn’t another girl and, yeah, we saw each other less but I kept busy. Seeing my own friends, doing my own things. He asked to come over while I was watching a movie with friends and I said sure. Another week he asked for help in a Powerpoint presentation and I helped him. Then on that weekend, we’d made plans to celebrate his promotion and when he told me last minute that he’d celebrate with co-workers I got upset and told him: I’m upset because we agreed to see each other and I made the time for you. I don’t mind not seeing you often but I do mind being cancelled at the last minute for something I do not feel as important. He apologised and insisted on coming over very late. He came tipsy and initiated sex, but this was the first time he was rough enough to hurt me. He left small wounds on my hip and lip. I asked him if he was upset about something and he said no. We fell asleep spooning and next morning we had sex and it was it had always been. He then left (this was a Sunday) and wrote to me on Monday saying that a coworker was throwing out a piece of furniture that could be useful in my studio. We agreed to pick it up together on Tuesday. After he helped me move it in, he said he wanted to be friends. That the day before (Monday) he’d decided to start dating a girl he’d met a few weeks ago and who liked the same music as him. I wear my heart on my sleeve and started crying because I was sad. He said he didn’t want to hurt me and that he usually didn’t stay friends with girls he dated but that he’d gotten to know me and love/appreciate me a lot more than many of his mates. That he felt any rs with this girl wouldn’t last long but he decided to anyway, even if it made no sense to him. That while I expressed all my emotions, he kept eveything inside. He seemed confused and guilty and insisted on being friends. I told him that I wished him the best, honestly, and that I loved him too, but that I couldn’t be friends with him right now. Not because of any hard feelings, but because I can’t shift gears from physical intimacy to just friends so quickly. That I needed my space and no contact. I thanked him for the nice time we shared. The way he spoke, as if he’d hurt me very badly, prompted me to joke and say “I’ll be OK. Now I cry ’cause I’m sad. After you leave I’ll go wash my face, put on some lipstick and go out. And who knows and I’ll make out with some hot guy this weekend.” And he replied “I feel like you’re cheating on me” and I just stared at him and said “oi, you’re telling me you’re going to date another girl and I can’t talk about seeing some guy?” to which he smiled sheepishly. I walked him to my door and he said “if you need anything let me know” and I said “I won’t” and he added “And don’t go kissing guys just like that” and I said “Seriously? You’re gonna be doing much worse soon.” And he just stayed at my doorway looking at me until I gave him a hug and said “Just want to remind you that if we’re not friends now it’s not because of any hard feelings towards you. I just can’t right now. Good luck.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek, hugged me harder and then left. And I unfriended him on Facebook and deleted his number to avoid any temptation to contact him until I can see him as 100% friend. So I feel like I have my things sorted out but can’t help but wonder… is he bullshitting me or is does he care about me and is really confused?

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 15, 2017 at 1:13 pm

      He likely cares about you, but he is interested in having a relationship with someone else at this time. You took the correct actions. Remove him from your life and go find someone else to entertain a relationship with. If he contacts you, then explain that you are no longer interested in the type of relationship that he desires. He may contact you while he is in another relationship with someone else, explain to him that you are not interested. Keep your head up and enjoy life. Have a great day, Breanna!

  12. raisa

    May 9, 2017 at 10:30 am

    I would like to thank for this awesome article. It is the best one I have went through ever.
    But I would like to seek a few more suggestions regarding my issues..
    The guy I am in love with is an introvert in nature. He was just a colleague of mine when I fell for him. After I proposed him he said he just don’t want it right now and that he likes me but wants me to stay as his friend.
    Even after that we went to a few hangouts but every time we talked about this, he seemed confused.
    As we started being friends (just like he wanted),we created a very nice and strong friendship among us. Even being introvert he started to reveal and share his thoughts and problems and even trusted me with his most precious secrets of life.
    I don’t know if these are normal or not but he has never been so open to anyone before.. He has a very few number of friends and started relying on me more these days.
    But having feelings for him in my mind and working in the same organization everyday, every hour meeting him, working with him, having lunch discussing projects and all are making it difficult for me to suppress my feeling for him. I have never been into relationship before truely I want or rather hope him to be the ‘one’ in my life.
    I don’t know if my case is common or a stupid one but I really would be obliged if you can guide me through this situations. I m also very new to all these…

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 9, 2017 at 2:00 pm

      It sounds like you are already doing everything right. Either it is the wrong time for a relationship for him, or he doesn’t want to date someone at his work. You know he likes you on some level, and you certainly get along well as friends. Perhaps all you need is more time as friends to really figure out where this relationship is headed. You could also just talk to him about dating again and see what he says. If he is introvert, he may be afraid to make a move after all this time has passed because he may not be certain how you feel anymore.

      • raisa

        May 9, 2017 at 9:42 pm

        Thank you for your advice.

        • web admin

          web admin

          May 10, 2017 at 9:03 am

          No problem! Good luck!

    • Sarah

      October 10, 2017 at 7:56 am

      I have the similar situation. I and the guy are becoming very good friend when we are kind of dating, we share lots of personal feelings. But i know i want a relationship and told him about that. At beginning he said he is slow then several month passed by. I asked again and said I can accept that we are only be friend. He go silence. When i ask him are we friend, he said yes. so I asked can i start seeing other guys. He said yes and get angry.
      I do not know do you have some suggestions about that

      • web admin

        web admin

        October 10, 2017 at 8:26 pm

        His feelings for you are no longer going to influence your life. Make this determination and enjoy the benefits that will enter your life. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. He is not interested in continuing your relationship. New opportunities will become available shortly. Have a great day, Sarah!

  13. Anna

    April 30, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    I was with someone for 9 months. We were not official, but didn’t see other people. Unfortunately, he said he couldn’t see me in his future and wanted to end things before I got even more attached. Though we ended with a peaceful conversation and an agreement to stay as friends, a part of me just couldn’t let things go. Because I thought if only we did take things to another step, something might have changed. I agree with you, give some time and space and shift our focus to our own well-being would be a good thing to do. It seems counter productive to be friends (though i know that he is genuine and isn’t saying it to be nice) But I wonder, would being open to the opportunity of ‘getting back together’ a good idea? Or is it just a different kind of black hole…

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 1, 2017 at 10:18 am

      Thank you for sharing your experiences. You are right, there is always a risk associated with not moving the relationship forward. It is possible that the relationship would have remained, but it is also possible that it would have ended and there would have been greater emotional turmoil. Take this relationship as a lesson for the future. Have a great day, Anna!

  14. Tamara

    April 25, 2017 at 2:29 am

    This article was a good read. Thanks! I have been hanging out with a guy for almost a year now and he says he just wants to be friends…but we spend so much time together and always have the best time! We have gotten physical a few times last year but that faded away along with kisses… But we spend so much time together! I don’t call him often as he calls me regularly not do I ask to see him as he is calling to see me multiple times a week or just popping up to hang out. I could say I love him and have expressed my feeling to him in a way that left him no room to respond lol. I know his feelings for me are strong as he is always trying to make sure I’m ok but wonder if he would ever SEE me. I have told him before that I want to be in a relationship and worry that I would not be able to find Mr right if I’m always with him…he said he doesn’t want to keep me from what I want and offered a “separation”. I said I didn’t know and found an increase in the amount of time he wanted to spend with me. It seems like he doesn’t want to commit to me and doesn’t want anyone else to have me. He considers me his best friend but I want more. 🙁

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 25, 2017 at 2:01 pm

      Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he does not want to develop a relationship with you, then explain that you think that your close friendship may be causing other men to not want trust you. He should understand this and feel comfortable with taking a step back. It would be beneficial to have another discussion with him at this time. Good luck, Tamara!

  15. Brian

    April 24, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    “Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you…”
    Well don’t fool yourself with this kind of thinking. True, for MOST people it is true, but for a minority like me, it was never true. The right person will NEVER come to you. I’m 60 and, of course, found out for myself. My advice is if you’re 40 or over, please, do NOT believe this line. You’ll be doing yourself a disservice. I stopped believing it at 45 and life was much better after that, once I just accepted that for a minority, there is simply no one. Ever.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 25, 2017 at 1:56 pm

      There are many ways to choose to view the world in a negative light. It is your decision to make. There is always time to bring your mind around to a realistic and positive view. This will help your relationships flourish. Go out and take action. Have a great day, Brian.

  16. Lauren

    April 14, 2017 at 6:28 pm

    Well I guess the guy should take off his blinders and see if he has feelings for me too because honestly I could never imagine my life without him but it might be the best thing right now if he wasn’t for a while because I would have to be a bigger priority then I am now and I don’t think right now he’s the right friend for me I’m trying but every time he talks about another girl I just want to scream stop it

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 15, 2017 at 11:03 am

      Feel free to explain your feelings to him. If he begins speaking about another girl, then explain to him that you do not want to have that conversation. If he does not listen to your feelings, then perhaps it would be best for you to allow him to fade from your life. Have a great day, Lauren!

      • Lauren

        May 5, 2017 at 5:48 pm

        Thank you for your advice I’m going to try telling him that I don’t need to know about his dating life hopefully he’s a good guy and will respect my feelings he’s sweet guy but I’m not sure if he has any respect for me

        • web admin

          web admin

          May 6, 2017 at 1:10 pm

          I hope it all works out for you. Good luck, Lauren!

          • Lauren

            May 10, 2017 at 11:21 pm

            I think I’m going to take a break from the friendship it will be hard be its the only way he will ever respect me I guess if the feelings fade then the friendship is meant to be but if not then it isn’t

            • web admin

              web admin

              May 11, 2017 at 8:22 am

              That is probably a good idea. It will be easier on your feelings, and it may even make him realize how much you mean to him. Good luck, Lauren!

  17. Clare

    April 9, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    Thanks for the wise words. I’ve been hanging out with this guy for a months or so. I really like him and we enjoyed good time together. But since beginning he has told me he doesn’t want anything serious. It’s not personal but he doesn’t feel like being in a relationship. From my point of view I just think he’s not that into me so he said that. And it makes me feel rejected. However reading this article helps me to go through this and I have to think what’s the best for me . He offeres to be friends and I think he can be a really good friend. But I’m not sure if I will Klee the hope in me. I know I should move on. I just feel a little hurt about it.. I’m not sure what’s the best solution.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 10, 2017 at 8:11 am

      I am glad that the article could help you. It can be really difficult to remain friends with someone if you want or wanted more than that. Some people can handle it, but it is probably a good idea to just move on for most people. Good luck, Clare!

  18. Layla

    March 31, 2017 at 6:51 am

    I have been with this guy for one year and two months but towards the last month things weren’t so good so I suggested a break. Three weeks later he broke up with and said we should be friends. However, he did say that he still loved me and that if things got better between us we could get back together.The break up was a week ago and we met up four days ago and we made out and acted as though we’re still together but then he said it again that we’re friends for now. Knowing him, he’s not the type of person to mislead someone or give them false hopes. Besides his best friend told me the same thing; he still loves me but he’s going through some tough times. We’re still in touch, we talk everyday and we have a date planned (although as friends). What do you guys think, and what should I do because I’m deeply and madly in love with him?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 31, 2017 at 9:24 am

      Give him some space. If he figures out the rest of his life and gets to a better place, he may decide to come back to you. Being around him all the time will not give him the space that he needs to think. Plus, it is easy for one partner to take the other for granted during a friends with benefits relationship, so you may want to avoid that option for now. And, if you are constantly around him, he won’t have a chance to miss you and figure things out. There is no way to know if he will get back together with you, but giving him some space can help. Good luck, Layla!

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