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    What To Do If He Just Wants To Be Friends

    By on April 30, 2015

    Chances are if you’re reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. We’ve all heard those words at some point that they ‘just want to be friends’ and maybe we’ve said them to others too. The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Often we overlook people’s shortcomings when we are smitten and once those feelings of intense attraction fade, we realize it was quite silly to be chasing after that man-child in the first place. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.

     

    Respect His Decision

    He Just Wants To Be Friends

    First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along. It’s hard to tell someone something that you know will hurt their feelings and at least he decided to be honest with you. You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship. Besides, in a romantic relationship, we should be concerned about their happiness foremost and if they aren’t happy being intimate, it’s your responsibility to completely and utterly honor that.

     

    Take Some Space

    If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way. You can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you’re disappointed but don’t say anything mean or hurtful. Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. It’s good to take space so you can occupy your mental space with some other things, this will let your feelings for him simmer down.

     

    Decide if It’s Hurtful to Hang Out With Him

    As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend. Please do not trick yourself into thinking you can handle being around him if you’re still wishing he will change his mind and you’re envisioning him waking up one day to confess his love. We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We are all only human and he doesn’t have magic powers. You’re the one with the magic powers to empower yourself to shift your focus and move on.

     

    Realize Your Worth

    realize your worth 

    We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. For whatever reason that he’s not vibing with you, it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you. You might intimate him or he might have serious fears from other situations he’s been through. The human mind and emotions are complicated and sometimes you just can’t force things. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself. Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Know your worth and don’t let someone make you feel sub-human.

     

    Tell Yourself A New Story

    It’s time to retell the story of you and him in your mind. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. If a guy wasn’t ready to date you, he has a good reason whether he tells you or not.

     

    Be Grateful For His Friendship

    Shift your mindset from victim to gratitude and you’ll start to feel better. Having an open and honest friendship with a guy can be one of the most healing things you’ll ever experience. When you have mutual respect you can learn how to put the other person’s feelings before yours and they can give you feedback about yourself, you’ll both grow. When you’re honest with them and they are honest with you, you might be actually helping yourself mature enough to find the ‘one.’

     

    Focus on Your Goals and Health

    Now it’s time to be about you. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Get your tail to yoga and start to feel super confident because you’ll be glowing from the inside out. Don’t waste time mopping about at home eating icecream. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals. When you’ve got it going on, you’ll attract men that like your positive vibe and see that you’re already happy on your own.

     

    Remember A New Door Will Open

    Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. If he wasn’t the one, someone better will come along when he’s supposed to. Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you. There are so many lovely people on this planet, don’t waste time crying over one.


    You will start feeling a little better each day and it’s good to put some effort into dressing fabulous so you feel like a million bucks. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive. We do not need a man to be happy and if we do meet a nice man, our relationships should be to help each other focus on our goals for making the world a better place, not to fill a void. Perspective is everything! Stay empowered.

    438 Comments

    1. Shell

      April 4, 2018 at 5:11 am

      Me and my boyfriend of over a year started dating before we moved into a house share, which we know was a risk but a risk we were happy to take. We had such a wonderful relationship filled with love and laughter but since moving into the house things took a spiral because he became more interested in only playing ps4 and we stopped spending time together as a couple. It led to arguments and we’ve recently broke up. Im upset because we both felt like we would be much happier as a couple once we moved out the house again but the end of our tenancy draws near and we’ve just broken up. I think it’s a shame and he’s making a mistake. I’m absolutely heartbroken because i loved him so much and was willing to make it work and he’s made it clear he wants to be on his own for a while and just have a friendship with me. I’m finding it really hard to live with him and just be his friend because i still have feelings for him which i know aren’t returned. I feel lost without him right now and we were so perfect for each other. i keep looking back and only remembering the good times and feeling like we had such a beautiful connection and we did love each other so much and make each other so happy but we’ve both changed as people since the beginning. But i still love him. He’s in my close friendship circle so it’s difficult to hang out as a group because i know he only looks to me for friendship right now, while i’m still so hurt that his feelings have changed about me and i wish he still loved me. I don’t know what to do because i know i will have to eventually let go of hoping we have a future together again because i feel like i’m setting myself up to fail with my expectations

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 4, 2018 at 5:08 pm

        You have learned your lesson with this relationship. It sounds as though this relationship is no longer viable. That is acceptable, as you can move forward with positive energy. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with your ex, especially since the two of you continue to socialize. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Shell!

    2. Linda

      April 2, 2018 at 12:02 pm

      I met this guy about 3 months ago. I was reluctant to get involved because I am over the player type. When I met him, I kept saying by his subtle actions..You are a player. He insisted he wasn’t and when we met we had good times. About 2-3 wks later his texts became less and less. Then one day I asked him to meet up with me to tell him it’s best we be friends (didn’t want him thinking he could pull anything on me). Well, that night he told me he wasn’t sure about us…he has to feel it and I agreed. We went back to his house, talked and laughed then ended up in bed. After that day we spent the next 1’1/2 mths seeing each other & talking/texting all day. Then almost three months into it, I started to notice the texts less (sometimes 7 hrs in between) which wasn’t the norm. That went on for about 1-1/2 wks to make sure it wasn’t something I was making up in my head. Let me back up, a week prior to this, we went to an event to meet my friends and they got there late. He brought a girl & a guy friend and started to ask me to let’s leave because they wanted to go to a strip club. Long story short, I told him to leave and I would meet him because I didn’t want to cause a scene. I was pissed! I would of drove home but was tipsy and not able to so I stayed at his place. When we woke up in the mng, we had an argument. He told me I was being selfish and it was all about me that night. If anybody knows me, it’s never about me. I don’t care what we do as long as we are together. Then week later, we had a fabulous weekend alone together (helping him w/personal stuff ALL weekend), he says let’s go grab a drink and something to eat. We went to a bar we laughed, kissed had a great time then he proceeds to say as the bartender turns her back “she has a nice butt”. I got so pissed off…that’s when the following wk he started to act funny. He never apologized but of course I did for getting upset. I saw red flags from the beginning. He is 46 yrs old (3 DUI’s-his recent 2 months prior), Owes IRS several yrs in back taxes and pretty much has nothing. BUT I have NEVER judged anyone or their situation. I am not like that so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I drove 100 % of the time. He only has a work truck and drove that every day for work. THEN while we were dating, he tells me when he was married for over 15 yrs, he had a three some w/his guy neighbor and wife couple times AND his most recent 2 yr gf-she agreed to it. Although, I am a very sexual person…I made it clear to him several times, that would never happen with me. He told me he didn’t have to have it BUT there was something I couldn’t put my finger on. I kept thinking back to when I first met him (I have a gift of feeling things). So now go back to his ghosting and at that time I had told my gf I didn’t think I could live this way with this man…too many things but he was a godly person which I LOVED. I asked him several times what was going on, if he had a change of heart to tell me but for 2 weeks was busy and texts were limited. Then one night I called him and forced it out of him. He told me he wasn’t feeling the same way and didn’t know how to tell me. He wasn’t sure of us. At first he said, he would like to go back and be friends take it from there. By the end of it, he said no didn’t want to date…not sure if that was because at that point I had told him too I was having reservations. I felt really hurt because I had helped him with getting his financial stuff together, picked up his daughter, picked him up when his truck broke down & drove him to pick up his other truck, bought him shoes (this is who I am not to get him to like me more-I am a very secure person)…AND at least he could of shown me respect to tell me instead of dodging me for 2 weeks. I didn’t deserve that!! I decided to be friends w/him over the phone but after a few days of thinking about it, knowing of what I had known, how he treated me before he told me…I got pissed. I had to ask (3) times to pick up my stuff at his house but it was like he was pushing it off UNTIL 3rd time I insisted my friend was picking it up. I blocked him from FB and snap chat …then yesterday at EAster he sends me a text to have a Happy Easter. I say GET LOST!! so I didn’t respond. Then I find out today from a friend, someone asked him on FB if he was single and he said yes..working alot…just wasn’t a good fit . a good fit ?!?!?! You mean for me right:!:!.. I am just angry at myself for allowing someone pull this on me…but I take full responsability. I should of got out of is sooner. I would of respected him more if he wouldn’t of been a coward and sat me down like a “real” man. I wasn’t feeling it either but I would never do that to someone….

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 2, 2018 at 8:14 pm

        You have blocked him. You have shared your thoughts and feelings with him. You are not interested in maintaining a relationship with him. Allow thoughts of him to fade. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Linda!

    3. Lucy

      March 31, 2018 at 2:31 am

      So i met a guy 12 mths ago on a dating app … we clicked and gelled together amazingly .. we found each other attractive and had the banter everything seemed to good to be true .. 1 night 3 months later we had too much to drink i asked about his past which he told me then 2 days later pushes me away saying he hasent got over his ex … so we dident speak for a couple of months… i thought it was best there was no contact so i could move forward but then he reached out to me ….on the understanding to be friends ….. so every 3 months we get close we message most days and hang out alot …. and i was good with that as we share a passion as friends but he starts making innuendos and i follow it we end up sleeping together … my feelings start to reappear and i ask of he wants to be more then friends as im now getting confused and he says he s not ready … so i stop all contact … but he reaches out again and the cycle continues … if he dosent hear off me for 1 day he throws a strop … he acts like were in a relationship… but wont say thats what it is … he knows how i feel for him … and when i block him out to try and move on with my life as its just too much to have him as a friend and hanging out with him he knows where i work and comes in to shop once a week ( he drives past the another store but still comes to mine … he knows im there as my cars on show ). and i carnt help myself i dont get any gut feeling of him being a player … but i defainately get the feeling he s holding back … and if he dosent have any feelings for me why keep coming back and reel me in again … what do i do ?

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 31, 2018 at 12:53 pm

        You have developed an emotional connection with this person. He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is unwilling or unable to nourish a relationship with you. It is possible that his feelings for you may have changed. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. If he reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with him. Have a great day, Lucy!

    4. Kiara

      March 14, 2018 at 8:28 pm

      I had been in love with my best friends for 2 years. We had a phenomenal friendship with trust, honesty, and passion – all the bases for a great relationship. Just recently we dated, but I had gone through intense personal issues out of my control that affected me and my mental health, and it took it out on my relationship. Since then we broke up after a month because he was scared of losing me – he lost his confidence in himself in the relationship because my mental health ended up criticizing him and clinging onto him too strongly. For three months we’ve had disputes because I love him and was not okay with the break up. Now we are at a place where there’s just been so much damage that he just wants to be friends – and I see that right now that’s the best option for me too until I’m better with myself. But I fear that in the friendship to still love him and hold myself back or get hurt. He has never made any promises of getting back together – probably because of the overarching reason he never dated me before (and why we broke up) which is because he does not want to lose me. Advice?

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 14, 2018 at 9:46 pm

        It is clear that the two of you shared a strong emotional connection. He likely wants to remain friends, but is concerned about your connection. Allow this relationship to return to friendship. Look back on your actions. If the two of you decide to begin a relationship in the future, then learn from your previous lessons. For now, focus in your future without him and ensure that you treat everyone in your life with kindness and compassion. Have a great day, Kiara!

    5. Kiki

      March 7, 2018 at 1:16 pm

      I found this article to be disturbing in a way. My husband pulled that let’s be friends stuff on me. Says I’m his best friend BUT he doesn’t want to be married, romantic, doesn’t even want me to touch him. I’m ok to do his laundry, clean house, pay bills, keep up with his business paperwork, but not good enough to be his wife. He says he wants to be alone, that he doesn’t really talk to anyone. At the same time he talks all the time on fb messenger, his his friends list and even blocked me so I wouldn’t see his ex girlfriends and divorced women on his list. He has a separate cell phone that he uses to call these women. This is his idea of being alone. I can respect that he doesn’t want to be married anymore but don’t lie and tell me there are no other women on the horizon when it’s so clear to me that all he wants is to be able to flirt and have sex without guilt. The whole best friend thing is just his way of making himself feel better about his decision. I’d have more respect for him if he just said look, I’m not attracted to you anymore, period. The lies are just a slap in the face.

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 7, 2018 at 5:33 pm

        He has decided that he is not interested in maintaining a relationship with you. He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is treating you without respect. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Kiki!

    6. SaLena

      March 4, 2018 at 5:39 am

      I feel totally lost I love him more than anything. He was my best friend’s cousin with the time he asked out me in that moment I was single after terrible relationship. Finally I started to love him alot I’m always dying to see him, talk him basically I do anything to just spend time with him but before 4 years ago he had a girlfriend he was in love with her crazily stupidly and also he’s still loving her alot. I knew about it and he also told about her. But I love him more than anything I’m just crazy about him. But yesterday he asked me to stay as a friend because he couldn’t forget his past and he said he tried to be with me but his past remind him again and again and finally he promised me if everything get OK after he got stable he’ll come back to me and he said he doesn’t know when it’ll happen .i miss him alot I never have cried like this before I feel so guilty I couldn’t love him like his ex. I need him Im surviving with the hope that he will come back to me I can wait for him I’m just lost I love him alot

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 5, 2018 at 1:50 pm

        He views you as a friend. He is in a relationship. Allow your emotional energy to be focused elsewhere. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with him. If his relationship naturally ends, then speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Salena!

    7. Lea

      February 14, 2018 at 11:51 pm

      I met this guy on a dating app. We started chatting and had great chemistry and similarities. We clicked about 9/10 which I never had that with any other man in the past 8 years at least. We spoke on the phone for hours for a week and texted each other continuously. He found me to be too good to be true and so did I. We did remind each other that we may not look the same as in the pictures and not to be disappointed when we meet. We casually met (without planning a date) after a week and I did not feel attracted to him physically, so did he. It was a weird feeling that I can’t explain. He is a handsome man and I know I am a beautiful woman. We both match each other well but it’s just that we didn’t feel attracted physically when we met but we loved how we both are in the pictures which the pictures are not really far off from who we are in person. When we met we went to get some books and later on sat and spoke for at least 3 hours about God, religion and other stuffs but mainly religion. I am a spiritual woman and he is a free thinker so we did spend a lot of time on that topic. We left and he was completely silent and I was worried. We were supposed to meet (a planned date before the casual meeting) the next day. I asked him why he was silent and he said he was busy and then he asked me how was our meeting for me. I explained that I felt very comfortable speaking to him and said some good things about him but I didnt say if I like him or not as I thought saying good things means he understands that I like him. He said that I am at a very pure state in my life right now and I have unadulterated thoughts with wanting to be good and do good. He said that he was not attracted to me for a relationship but he wants to hang out more and get to know me and have a good friend by his side. I asked him if he still wanted to meet as we planned since its not gonna be a relationship and he said lets just meet. So we met and we spoke for another 4 hours. When we left home, I felt that I am still not attracted to this man physically but I have started to like his thinking, heart and speech and mostly the similarities we share and how we just understand each other and complete each other in all conversations and thinking. He was a perfect match for my emotions and feelings. However his silence says that he doesn’t feel the same for me. I can’t get him out of my mind as to keep thinking how great we will be together and finally I found a man I could connect to emotionally and mentally. After the second meet up, right away the physical attraction problem in me faded and I started feeling attracted to him by the time we met for the third time. He never asked to meet but I did for the third time. He is silent now that we have met for the third time and he knows that I like him and he did tell me that he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings if we both fall for wrong expectations. Should I just leave him alone or should I just continue being his friend? I am afraid as I get closer to him I am going to like him more and not know what to do about it. I am also confused how could we be so attracted to each other before meeting and after that things fizzled out to complete silence but I am liking him and he doesn’t. Not sure where I went wrong. He was the first guy I went out dating again after 5 years of break because I was so sure of what I felt for him and pursued even without a physical attraction earlier because I am very much interested in the chemistry we both have. Here I am thinking what should I do with this man? I feel like I have found the one for me and I shouldn’t let go without trying but I think I have tried enough. This is the first time a man has not liked me. All the while it has been the men liking me and keep coming after me and I not wanting to date them or like them. I am really confused why this happened and I also don’t want to push him too much by asking all these questions.

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 15, 2018 at 8:48 pm

        He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He may be confused or uncertain about his feelings toward you. He may be unwilling or unable to nourish a relationship with you at this time. Determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he is not interested in developing a relationship with you, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Lea!

    8. Janet

      February 11, 2018 at 11:42 am

      Hi so I met this guy about 6 months ago and we had an instant connection. We slept together real fast and we have been hooking up ever since. We would meet up regularly and have wonderful conversations. So about a month ago i asked where this was going and he said we moving too fast and he just wants to be friends for now. I like him and I think there is potential that this can be more than a fling so should I just wait and respect his decision?

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 11, 2018 at 9:55 pm

        It is possible that he is interested in a developing a relationship with you. It is possible that he is unable or unwilling to maintain a relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Janet.

      • Nikki

        February 12, 2018 at 4:42 pm

        As hard as it may seem, dump him. He’s just using u for sex. Believe me, I’ve been in ur shoes and it’s heartbreaking. When they say they just wanna be friends it’s because they don’t see u as potential girlfriend material. And they never will. Accept it and move on before u get hurt even more.

        • web admin

          web admin

          February 12, 2018 at 8:33 pm

          Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences. Please feel free to share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Nikki!

    9. Janet

      February 11, 2018 at 11:36 am

      Hi so I met this guy about 6 months ago and we had an instant connection. We slept together real fast and we have been hooking up ever since. A month ago he said we moving to fast and he just wants to be friends. I like him and I think there is potential that this can be more than a fling so should I just go with it?

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 11, 2018 at 9:55 pm

        It is possible that he is interested in a developing a relationship with you. It is possible that he is unable or unwilling to maintain a relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Janet.

    10. Michelle

      February 2, 2018 at 11:20 pm

      I met this guy we spent everyday together for over a month said he didnt want to rush into anything.
      He treated me like a gf but we werent dating. He was confusing me with his feelings and then said it was to intense to fast after two months and just wants to be friends.
      He said he knows im a good girl to be around and fun to hang with but something wont click for him.
      I really want him to want me what do i do? Whats going on?

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 3, 2018 at 10:01 pm

        He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is interested in maintaining your friendship without developing a romantic relationship at this time. Continue to spend time with him in person, as this will strengthen your relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Michelle!

    11. Greni

      January 29, 2018 at 8:31 pm

      If a guy says he likes meeting you and want to spend as much time as possible with you. But then also mentions that he is not serious about this. And wants to be friend. what does that mean? Is he interested or just playing around?

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 30, 2018 at 9:15 pm

        It is possible that he is interested in being your friend and spending time with you. It is possible that he is interested in a developing a relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Greni!

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