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    What To Do If He Just Wants To Be Friends

    By on April 30, 2015

    Chances are if you’re reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. We’ve all heard those words at some point that they ‘just want to be friends’ and maybe we’ve said them to others too. The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Often we overlook people’s shortcomings when we are smitten and once those feelings of intense attraction fade, we realize it was quite silly to be chasing after that man-child in the first place. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.

     

    Respect His Decision

    He Just Wants To Be Friends

    First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along. It’s hard to tell someone something that you know will hurt their feelings and at least he decided to be honest with you. You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship. Besides, in a romantic relationship, we should be concerned about their happiness foremost and if they aren’t happy being intimate, it’s your responsibility to completely and utterly honor that.

     

    Take Some Space

    If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way. You can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you’re disappointed but don’t say anything mean or hurtful. Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. It’s good to take space so you can occupy your mental space with some other things, this will let your feelings for him simmer down.

     

    Decide if It’s Hurtful to Hang Out With Him

    As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend. Please do not trick yourself into thinking you can handle being around him if you’re still wishing he will change his mind and you’re envisioning him waking up one day to confess his love. We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We are all only human and he doesn’t have magic powers. You’re the one with the magic powers to empower yourself to shift your focus and move on.

     

    Realize Your Worth

    realize your worth 

    We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. For whatever reason that he’s not vibing with you, it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you. You might intimate him or he might have serious fears from other situations he’s been through. The human mind and emotions are complicated and sometimes you just can’t force things. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself. Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Know your worth and don’t let someone make you feel sub-human.

     

    Tell Yourself A New Story

    It’s time to retell the story of you and him in your mind. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. If a guy wasn’t ready to date you, he has a good reason whether he tells you or not.

     

    Be Grateful For His Friendship

    Shift your mindset from victim to gratitude and you’ll start to feel better. Having an open and honest friendship with a guy can be one of the most healing things you’ll ever experience. When you have mutual respect you can learn how to put the other person’s feelings before yours and they can give you feedback about yourself, you’ll both grow. When you’re honest with them and they are honest with you, you might be actually helping yourself mature enough to find the ‘one.’

     

    Focus on Your Goals and Health

    Now it’s time to be about you. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Get your tail to yoga and start to feel super confident because you’ll be glowing from the inside out. Don’t waste time mopping about at home eating icecream. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals. When you’ve got it going on, you’ll attract men that like your positive vibe and see that you’re already happy on your own.

     

    Remember A New Door Will Open

    Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. If he wasn’t the one, someone better will come along when he’s supposed to. Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you. There are so many lovely people on this planet, don’t waste time crying over one.


    You will start feeling a little better each day and it’s good to put some effort into dressing fabulous so you feel like a million bucks. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive. We do not need a man to be happy and if we do meet a nice man, our relationships should be to help each other focus on our goals for making the world a better place, not to fill a void. Perspective is everything! Stay empowered.

    410 Comments

    1. Sallsuz

      January 19, 2018 at 12:21 am

      So i met this guy whobsaid he is attracted to me and wants me to be his life partner but he needs ua to be good friends first before lovers. He doesnt even call me everyday nor chat everyday. But he likes to see me face to face sometimes. When he is around me he is always acting mushy or romantic. Stares right into my eyea and hold my hands. What do you think?

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 19, 2018 at 12:41 pm

        It is certainly clear that he is interested in developing a relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you believe that there is another reason for why he is acting in this manner, then you may find benefit in having a conversation with him about your questions. Have a great day, Sallsuz!

    2. Alexandra

      January 17, 2018 at 3:24 am

      Hey so me and this guy have been talking for like months and we haven’t really gotten anywhere because it always something… but any time we do he tries to talk sexual and he’d just be flirting with and I fell for it ): when I told him I wasn’t ready for sex… he just said he wanted to be friends?? Should I be friends with him or should I not?

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 19, 2018 at 12:08 pm

        Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. It is clear that he wants to develop a physical relationship with you. He has shared his feelings and explained that he is only interested in being your friend. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Alexandra!

    3. Gem

      January 13, 2018 at 12:59 am

      So i met this guy online a couple of times and he told me i he wasn’t ready for anything, im like thats fine lets be friends so we started hanging out and about a month later hes like i like you so we started dating about 5months later he got a new job and it was differnt state! But it didnt start for a couplr of weeks and said lets me friends. So we started being friends but he kept giving the mixed feelings! I ask do u still see this going somewhere hes like yes! The next week hes like ive changed my mind on moving. So i through he just need space and time to work out stuff! He also invited me on a mini holiday so i said yes! A couple weeks had passed still talk most days but and then u find out that hes veen talking to other girl and went on a date! Im like where do i stand do you still wanna more just friends he finely come back with i dont wanna hurt your feeling but my feeling arent strong anymore but i still care for you and think we would be great friends!! And still wants to go on our mini Holiday!! I feel like he need space to work out things that going on in hes life but i also feel like he Doesn’t want lose me!

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 13, 2018 at 5:40 pm

        Take this time to determine if you believe his actions are appropriate for this relationship. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Gem!

    4. A

      January 12, 2018 at 11:56 pm

      Hey,
      So a couple days ago me and my boyfriend of a few months had a big chat after I felt he had suddenly gone cold with me and he told me he feels like it fizzled out and wants to be friends. I pointed out that nothing had fizzled as a few days ago we were telling eachother how much we cared about eachother. He then changed his tune and said that he just isn’t ready for a relationship and fizzled out was the wrong term but he cares about me and wants me in his life and still wants to see me and hangout with me because I’m the first girl in 7years he has let into his life.
      I told him yesterday I needed time to think before I could and he said no problem let’s meet up in a week or 2. Then last night when he was drunk he told me how much of a mistake he made but he doesn’t want me to wait around because he doesn’t know when he will be ready and I deserve someone who can give me everything but he can’t lose me and he is hurting over everything.
      I am so confused on what to do. I don’t wanna lose him totally but I also don’t want to be used as a part time girlfriend when he needs emotional support. Any advice appreciated 🙂

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 13, 2018 at 5:39 pm

        Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. If he is unwilling or unable to nourish a relationship that you desire, then take a second look at the relationship. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, A!

    5. Alexandrs

      January 11, 2018 at 6:51 pm

      Hi there, I am gay man from latvia, who met a guy and instantly felt connected, we flirted, although I later learned he had a girlfriend. Though his girl was jealous of us, he joked about it. Time passed and after a few nights outs, we kissed and had sex. Next morning, he panicked and insisted that though he really really adores me and flirted with me on purpose out of sincere love, he cannot do this to his girlfriend – and thus decided to stay with her. Some time later he said they broke up and that he wants to stay just friends with me, i said i want us to explore this romantic relationship but he denied. After I took quite a bit of time off on clearing my mind off vacationing in stockholm, he approached me and I kind of panicked and politely ignored him. I know he is still discussing things with his girlfriend. I don’t know how to feel , or act, should i try the friendship, should i hope for something more, should i give myself more time off to decide. The thing is i really don’t want to miss the chance to spend time with him now that he is willing, but also don’t want to disrespect his decision to stay just friends, or hurt myself by getting in a loop of hoping for something more.

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 11, 2018 at 9:25 pm

        He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is unable or unwilling to establish a relationship with you a this time. There is no reason for you to reach out to him. If he reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with him. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere at this time. Have a great day, Alexandrs!

    6. Eva

      January 11, 2018 at 9:10 am

      I’ve had about four dates with a guy who I’m quite into. We kissed on the third and things were going really well.
      But yesterday he dropped the question of ‘What are we?’. To cut a long conversation short, he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now and he had a lot going on which he needed to sort out and didn’t want to think of anyone like that at the moment. He told he was developing feelings for me and really enjoyed the time together, but wants to stay friends for now.
      I really liked him though. And I still do.
      Is it worth waiting?? Or should I call it quits and begin to move on??

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 11, 2018 at 9:18 pm

        He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is unable or unwilling to establish a relationship with you at this time. He may want to continue to be your friend. Give him the time and space that he requested. You will find benefit in focusing your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Eva!

    7. Jeanette

      January 9, 2018 at 4:47 pm

      I met this guy online. We texted back and fourth for 3 months. I liked him. He is kind of slow though and hasn’t really dated much at all. He’s 42 and a single dad. I asked him out as a New Years date. Im 38. We made out several times. He told me his life story. He said girls had to persue him and make the first move. That he never makes the first move. He didn’t even ask his wife to marry him. She asked him. He stayed over till 3 in the morning talking and watching movies. He kissed me and said he had a great time.

      A couple of days I heard nothing. I sent a text saying I had a great time and hoped his day went awesome. I heard nothing back.

      A couple of days I sent a text asking if he made it home and was still alive. He texted back yes and sorry that things were so crazy at his work and both our kids start school the next day.

      Next day I told him our kids met because that was the first time they met. They became best friends. After a while I sent the text below.

      I sent him this message.
      “I have notice that since we met you don’t seem as interested anymore and that’s okay. Sometimes these things just happen. I hope we can stay friends since our kids go to the same school. I just don’t want things to be awkward between us. Anyway that’s all I wanted to say. I won’t text you anymore:) I’ll see you around🙂”

      Then he sent me this message.

      “No I consider u a friends just really busy I don’t want to lead you on or anything but yes I am slow but hey I am hear and will always answer just maybe late sorry”

      Yes it has a lot of bad grammar and misspelled words. I deleted his text and didn’t reply. What are your thoughts? It’s all pretty smushed together.

      That was Thursday. I haven’t sent anything since and neither has he. I’m pretty sure he friend zoned me from his text.

      What do you think. I know he has shared custody and this week he had his kids.

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 10, 2018 at 1:15 pm

        It is certainly possible that the is interested in developing a relationship with you. It is highly likely that he is focusing on his children, as he has them this week. If you want to develop a relationship with him, then reach out to him throughout the week, but don’t expect a response. When his children return to their mother, then attempt to spend time with him in person. Have a great day, Jeannette!

    8. Melissa

      January 8, 2018 at 7:51 pm

      I met this guy on match. We went on our first date and everything was great. We went on a second date and we shared a kiss. Holidays came and he went to see his family. He contacted me every day. Came back from his trip and we saw each other. His work schedule is crazy. I realized I would only see him for short periods because he travels for work a lot. In one month I only saw him twice but the communication was there from both ends. I really like him and I know he likes me too. He is very nice and attentive. I told him I was going to be able to move forward in a relationship if things continued to be the same. I know his work schedule is so demanding and he has disappointed me a few times already. After two months of Dating, and two weeks of him been gone, we finally see each other. He told me, he couldn’t date me because it wasn’t fair to me that he wasn’t available. That there was nothing wrong with me because I was his dream girl. He said, he didn’t want to be responsible of my unhappiness because he keeps failing. So, we aren’t dating anymore. He wants to remain friends, he says he really cares about me and that he wants to be always on my corner supporting me.. why be friends ?? He knows we are mutually attracted to one another and he wants us to be friends. What should I do

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 8, 2018 at 10:40 pm

        If you do not want to continue to remain friends with him, then take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. There is no reason to attempt to continue to nourish this relationship. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with him. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Melissa!

    9. Niari

      January 6, 2018 at 10:21 am

      We had crush on each other so finally I said hi and then within few days he asked me out. We liked talking to each other. We went on few dates(2-3). Then he did few intimate things which we both liked. But then I asked him how seriously does he take this relationship he bluntly said not serious. I agree few days into something and you don’t ask how serious you are but I did,because I felt need. and So I decided to stop talking n hanging out with him. But then he started saying he wants to b frnds with me and I m special. And he always maintains that I want to be your friend and asks me for hangouts. Last time I have been rude to this guy because frndship was clearly not what I was expecting. But now I m confused if I m right or not. He has mentioned once he had a past that doesn’t bother him now.

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 6, 2018 at 6:18 pm

        It sounds as though your actions may have caused him to feel as though there were something more in the relationship. It seems that his feelings grew and he attempted to spend additional time with you, and you chose to treat him poorly. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Niari!

        • Niari

          January 14, 2018 at 6:12 am

          It has been while that he is been giving me mixed signals. I tried talking but again same thing. I just don’t understand. He confuses me a lot. And he feels I confuse him. Also he had a past, I feel like that is bothering him but i am unable to make out anything.

          • web admin

            web admin

            January 14, 2018 at 9:26 pm

            It sounds as though you have determined the status of your relationship. Both of you are confused, so the best option is to speak with him about becoming more certain about your relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about what you want the relationship to be, and determine if his goals are similar to yours. Have a great day, Niari!

    10. Niari

      January 6, 2018 at 10:19 am

      We had crush on each other so finally I said hi and then within few days he asked me out. We liked talking to each other. We went on few dates(2-3). Then he did few intimate things which we both liked. But then I asked him how seriously does he take this relationship he bluntly said not serious. I agree few days into something and you don’t ask how serious you are but I did,because I felt need. and So I decided to stop talking n hanging out with him. But then he started saying he wants to b frnds with me and I m special. And he always maintains that I want to be your friend and asks me for hangouts. Last time I have been rude to this guy because frndship was clearly not what I was expecting. But now I m confused if I m right or not.

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 6, 2018 at 6:18 pm

        It sounds as though your actions may have caused him to feel as though there were something more in the relationship. It seems that his feelings grew and he attempted to spend additional time with you, and you chose to treat him poorly. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Niari!

    11. cate

      January 2, 2018 at 6:13 pm

      Hi, this guy broke up with me after couple of dates, saying that he still loves his ex. He told me he needs time to forget her. He told me lets be friends and hang out.He offers cuddles and talks. What does he really mean by this? Is he trying to get rid of me?

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 4, 2018 at 7:37 pm

        It is clear that he is confused or uncertain about his feelings toward you and toward his ex. There is no reason to continue to nourish this relationship. If he is unable or unwilling to give you the respect and attention that you deserve, then allow this relationship to fade. Have a great day, Cate!

    12. B

      January 1, 2018 at 12:19 pm

      I’ve been dating this guy for a few months and last week he breaks up with me & tells me he’s not ready for a relationship but wants to remain friends. He says he has issues he needs to work on. Yet he wants to hang out right away. We went to eat & went hiking since our breakup. He wants to go to the movies tonight. He isn’t affectionate towards me only if we hug we may gaze at each other for a few seconds. He may rub my back. He sometimes calls me a pet name & he caressed my leg. We don’t kiss or have sex. Does he only want me to be his friend only?

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 2, 2018 at 5:50 pm

        It is possible that he is unwilling or unable to continue nourishing your relationship in a romantic manner. It is likely that he still views you as a friend. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, B!

    13. B

      January 1, 2018 at 10:51 am

      I’ve been dating this guy for about 5 months things were going good & we had some differences. Last week he broke up with me & said he’s not ready for a relationship & that I’m a great catch & perfect. He still wants to be friends & wants to hang out & we have been. I catch him staring sometimes. At times we have this long gaze into each other’s eyes but we don’t kiss. I feel like I want to. Sometimes he will caress my leg or rub my back while we hug like when we were together or he will call me babe. he still wants to hang out because he asks me to do things almost every day just like we are still dating just without kissing or sex. Is there a chance of us getting back together or am I just a “friend” now?

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 2, 2018 at 5:48 pm

        If he is asking if you are still dating, then it is clear that he is interested in nourishing this relationship. It is likely that he wants to develop a physical relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, B!

    14. D

      December 31, 2017 at 12:35 am

      Been crazy for this guy for more than 1 year and have hinted numerous times I’d like to be more than friends but he has rejected me saying “friends only nothing else” and just to stay in his life i agreed but I find I am still strongly attracted to him but he only want to continue being friends. He won’t talk or text when he is with his friends and gives me silent treatment if I mention other guys

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 1, 2018 at 12:10 am

        He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is unable or unwilling to establish a relationship with you at this time. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. If he is not willing to treat you with respect, then there is no reason to continue nourishing this relationship. Have a great day, D!

    15. Amy

      December 26, 2017 at 7:32 pm

      I’m 14. I met a guy on Facebook.
      He’s from my country.he is very nice. his behaviour is very good . He looks good. He’s in 12th grade and am in 8th. He’s a good guy. We talked normally but after some days I started to have feelings for him. I’ve never seen him in real life. But I know about him. So one day I told him that I’m into you. So he said that we also have passed this age and we also have feelings for someone. So he told me to be his friends . But I have too much feeling for him . I’m so badly in love with him. Now we’re friends but I’ve that feelings for him and this friend word by him hurts me alot

      • web admin

        web admin

        December 27, 2017 at 8:50 pm

        If you have not met this person in real life, then share this relationship with your parents. It is important that they are aware of this relationship. If your culture does not have any reasons to prevent the two of you from establishing a relationship, then speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Amy!

    16. K

      December 22, 2017 at 2:39 pm

      I met this guy who I thought was amazing on a dating site. We had two dates, we seemed to really have a lot in common. On the second date he slept over at my house. Everything was fine and we agreed to date. The same day he texted me that he wanted to focus on his career, and that he wanted to just stay friends. I dont want to lose him, but becoming his friend seems degrading. What is the best way to handle this, without losing self respect?

      • web admin

        web admin

        December 23, 2017 at 6:43 pm

        Becoming a friend is not degrading. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. Focus your emotional attention elsewhere. If he reaches out to you, explain that he has shared his feelings with you. Have a great day, K!

    17. Penelope

      December 11, 2017 at 10:32 am

      He’s a sweet guy, hurt from his past. We met on a dating site, hung out a lot, and it seemed to be going somewhere romantic when it just cooled. We never got anywhere; He stopped me from kissing him right away. We’ve been friends for months and months, and I adore him. I felt myself growing feelings for him, told him, and he said he had to think on it. After he’d thought it over, he told me that our friendship was far too important to him to risk losing as he doesn’t have many friends. I meant too much to him and all of his relationships have gone badly. He doesn’t want to be more than friends. I am a bit disappointed, but I didn’t invest my entire heart into romantic aspirations. I love the dude, but I am perfectly content with being friends. Part of me, that deep sad part that insults myself, says that it’s because I’m not pretty enough or that he doesn’t actually care for him. But I know that isn’t true. He’s a genuinely sweet guy, and he isn’t over someone from his past yet anyway. I’m not that girl, but I know he’ll meet her one day. He says he wouldn’t want to love anyone, but I know that’s because he just hasn’t met her yet.

      I am happy with my friendship. Besides, I know it wouldn’t work long term. It’s better this way, absolutely.

      • web admin

        web admin

        December 11, 2017 at 6:46 pm

        It is possible that he is not interested in developing a relationship with you as this time. He may be confused or uncertain about his feelings toward you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Attempt to spend additional time with him in person. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Penelope!

    18. Reem

      December 10, 2017 at 1:02 am

      He told me, we are just intimate friends and this was a shock for me after 3 years of being very close. I’m so disappointed and frustrated. He told me he is respecting me and don’t want this friendship to end. I didn’t call him or talk so far after that chat which I started. He was so upset and I’m totally collapsing now. I need advice what to do?

      • web admin

        web admin

        December 10, 2017 at 6:28 pm

        He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. If you want to no longer nourish a relationship with this person, then allow him to fade from your thoughts. There may be benefit in continuing to share your kindness and compassion with this person. Have a great day, Reem!

    19. T

      December 1, 2017 at 7:14 am

      So this guy I was talking to he was really cool we got along had a good time with each other from the beginning I always wanted to be friends with benefits and that’s what it was supposed to be. Well we obviously had sex incredible sex and he would text me everyday tell me how attracted I am to him all of that. Then he started to switch I had started the night at his house he spooned me the whole thing then I got a flat tire leaving his house and he didn’t check on me to see if I was ok so I told him about how I felt he apologized admitted that he was wrong but then like the next day he’s like me sleeping over freaked him out he said that sex with me clouds his judgement and he wanted to take a pause from sex with me and be friends so obviously we have sex again on my period mind you and he is still texting me everyday and then it turns into he is going thru a lot and he wants to be friends so I tried but eventually I asked him if we would be out of the friend zone and he said no which I’m ok with because I knew we wouldn’t go further than that but I still wanted to have sex and he said it’s not a good idea because I just came out of a relationship and he doesn’t want both of us to catch feelings so my question is what do you think of all this was he just Messing with me or what? Why doesn’t he want to at least have sex? I didn’t burn the bridge tho I told him I appreciate your honesty but right now I want to have sex with him so I need some space but to check in once in a while and I would too.

      • web admin

        web admin

        December 1, 2017 at 8:44 pm

        He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. If the two of you determine what you are not longer interested in nourishing this relationship, then take appropriate action. Have a great day, T!

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