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    What To Do If He Just Wants To Be Friends

    By on April 30, 2015

    Chances are if you’re reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. We’ve all heard those words at some point that they ‘just want to be friends’ and maybe we’ve said them to others too. The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Often we overlook people’s shortcomings when we are smitten and once those feelings of intense attraction fade, we realize it was quite silly to be chasing after that man-child in the first place. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.


    Respect His Decision

    He Just Wants To Be Friends

    First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along. It’s hard to tell someone something that you know will hurt their feelings and at least he decided to be honest with you. You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship. Besides, in a romantic relationship, we should be concerned about their happiness foremost and if they aren’t happy being intimate, it’s your responsibility to completely and utterly honor that.


    Take Some Space

    If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way. You can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you’re disappointed but don’t say anything mean or hurtful. Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. It’s good to take space so you can occupy your mental space with some other things, this will let your feelings for him simmer down.


    Decide if It’s Hurtful to Hang Out With Him

    As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend. Please do not trick yourself into thinking you can handle being around him if you’re still wishing he will change his mind and you’re envisioning him waking up one day to confess his love. We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We are all only human and he doesn’t have magic powers. You’re the one with the magic powers to empower yourself to shift your focus and move on.


    Realize Your Worth

    realize your worth 

    We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. For whatever reason that he’s not vibing with you, it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you. You might intimate him or he might have serious fears from other situations he’s been through. The human mind and emotions are complicated and sometimes you just can’t force things. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself. Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Know your worth and don’t let someone make you feel sub-human.


    Tell Yourself A New Story

    It’s time to retell the story of you and him in your mind. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. If a guy wasn’t ready to date you, he has a good reason whether he tells you or not.


    Be Grateful For His Friendship

    Shift your mindset from victim to gratitude and you’ll start to feel better. Having an open and honest friendship with a guy can be one of the most healing things you’ll ever experience. When you have mutual respect you can learn how to put the other person’s feelings before yours and they can give you feedback about yourself, you’ll both grow. When you’re honest with them and they are honest with you, you might be actually helping yourself mature enough to find the ‘one.’


    Focus on Your Goals and Health

    Now it’s time to be about you. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Get your tail to yoga and start to feel super confident because you’ll be glowing from the inside out. Don’t waste time mopping about at home eating icecream. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals. When you’ve got it going on, you’ll attract men that like your positive vibe and see that you’re already happy on your own.


    Remember A New Door Will Open

    Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. If he wasn’t the one, someone better will come along when he’s supposed to. Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you. There are so many lovely people on this planet, don’t waste time crying over one.

    You will start feeling a little better each day and it’s good to put some effort into dressing fabulous so you feel like a million bucks. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive. We do not need a man to be happy and if we do meet a nice man, our relationships should be to help each other focus on our goals for making the world a better place, not to fill a void. Perspective is everything! Stay empowered.


    1. Dee

      July 18, 2018 at 6:29 am

      I feel as if it’s no love lose in this situation. We were in a long distance relationship. Spoke on the phone a few times a week, he initiated the relationship. I didn’t want a relationship and slowly got sucked into his world. Long story short, I fell for him in a week or two I know sounds crazy. We never met exchanged pictures in all but we would FaceTime each other while at work. Yes we hit a rocky road in that one month mark, arguments, yelling, and confusion. Now he just wants to be friends and says he still wants communication. Then this guy tells me he loves me still and I don’t know how to handle this.

      • web admin

        web admin

        July 18, 2018 at 2:11 pm

        The person that you are in a long distance relationship with has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is no longer interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you at this time. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If the two of you are no longer interested in maintaining a relationship together, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Dee!

    2. Shelly

      July 15, 2018 at 6:29 am

      So we knew each ore he when I was a teenager then lost touch. I’m separated now and we connected again. We’ve slept together several times. One minute he talks about being casual the next about where we’ll live together and then back to just friends. He’s also said he’s not where he wants to be before he gets into a relationship but then always talks out of the other side of his mouth. I really like him and am not sure what to do.

      • web admin

        web admin

        July 15, 2018 at 10:44 pm

        He is uncertain or confused about his feelings. He may not be ready to nourish a long term relationship. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. You may want to spend additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Shelly!

    3. Ali

      July 14, 2018 at 6:34 pm

      I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a guy for 2 years. I see him on weekends and he means the world to me.

      He told me he doesn’t see me romantically anymore but that I am the closest person to him in his life. He wants to be just friends. I told him I can’t handle that and asked him to block me because I can’t stop contacting him. He told me he doesn’t want to loose me and won’t block me.

      We are meeting tomorrow. I’m so scared. I just want him in my life… as more than just a friend. 🙁

      • web admin

        web admin

        July 15, 2018 at 10:24 pm

        You are meeting him tomorrow, and this is excellent news. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps attempt to spend additional time with him in person. He may have other influences in his life. He may be concerned that this relationship is difficult to maintain. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you. Have a great day, Ali!

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