Do’s and Don’ts for Texting Your Crush

By on January 24, 2015






You’ve got butterflies in your belly and a phone in your hand – your crush has texted you, or given you his number. Now what?

There are some simple guidelines for texting your crush. Whilst each person is unique, most of us have some things in common when it comes to flirting and chatting via text and it’s recommended that you follow the below do’s and don’ts…in most cases.

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Don’t Reply to Every Text Straight Away

Most people like if you reply within a reasonable amount of time, but if you stop everything you are doing to reply to a text every time you get one, the other person will start thinking you’ve got nothing going on in your life.

Whilst it’s nice to get into a proper texting conversation with someone, where both of you reply straight away, when you receive the first text, or aren’t into the conversation yet, take your time. Sometimes that can be ten minutes, sometimes an hour, or even more if you have a busy day.

Also, if you are at work, studying, or doing something important, wait awhile and see it as a treat when you get to reply – like after finishing that deathly boring task you know you need to get finished. If you text non-stop you won’t get any work done and a crush should never get between you and becoming the next Queen of whatever career you’ve chosen, or for that matter: stop you from being present when hanging out with your friends.

Do Think Before You Text

Sometimes when we get a text we are busy doing something else and don’t properly read the text, or we get so happy, or so angry, we don’t stop to think before replying. This often leads to us either misinterpreting the text, or replying in a way we will later regret. If we actually stop to think for a minute or two we usually come up with something more interesting or funny to say.

Do Crack Jokes

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Who can resist someone funny? Given you really are funny that is…

Do Send Images

Sometimes a funny image, or an image to show where you are is easier than texting about it.

Don’t Put LOL at the End of Each Sentence

Sometimes LOL or haha really should be in the text, but not always.

Also, if you are flirting, or use a bit of sexy innuendo, if you finish it with LOL it comes across as if you are insecure, or as you are trying to show you don’t really mean what you just said. Why else would you put LOL after it?

Don’t Send Those Kind of Photos of Yourself Unless You Are in a Relationship

Yes, sexy photos are sexy…if you know the guy is seriously into you and you’ve already seen each other naked. Unless you want to be taken for a mail order bride, hold off with the naughtiness till you are a real item. After all, you don’t want to find the very same image all over the internet and Facebook, do you?

Don’t Wait Days to Text After a Date

No, there isn’t a three day rule that says you have to wait three days to text someone. Usually if someone has any kind of decency, they text you within 24 hours of a date. If they don’t, send one text and gauge the feedback, but as a general rule – guys text first after a date…there is always that one exception to the rule though.

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Do End a Conversation That’s Fizzling Out

If you feel he doesn’t reply with any kind of enthusiasm (and it isn’t because he is terrible at texting, but because he’s simply not into the conversation anymore), end it. Say you have something to do, or if there is a natural ending, stop texting.

If he’s just replying with short texts, nothing interesting, then also end the conversation. A simple “Right, gotta go. Catch ya later.” or “Cool. See you later alligator.” or “Sounds great. Laters.” might work, depending on what he just said. Or as mentioned – sometimes the conversation comes to a natural halt.

Do Ask Questions

A conversation will end if no one is asking questions. If in doubt, check out an article I wrote about great questions to ask your crush!

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Do Use Emoticons 

Why not add a touch of color? Sometimes it can add humor to a point too.

Don’t Over Use Emoticons

Seriously.

Don’t Start Serious Conversations Randomly 

You can get deep and philosophical over text – it can be really cool. Sometimes conversations go that way. But if you intend to ask a guy if he has feelings for you, or anything else that’s serious, the best place to do that is face to face.

Don’t Dump Someone Over Text

Ever.

If you’ve been talking a lot to your crush, but suddenly started seeing this other guy, don’t tell him over text, OK?

Don’t Use Abbreviations All the Time

Hey, hw r u? Want 2 c a movie 2nite?

It gets annoying. Really annoying.

Also keep a check on:

– their, there and they’re

– we’re, were and where

– you’re and your

Do Start a Conversation

Sure, guys should chase the girl. Sometimes it’s great to leave a day or two in between texting, but also show you are interested. Start some of the conversations.

If you just got his number and want a way to start a conversation a few days later (unless it’s after a date, then it should be within 24 hours, really) then send him a text when you come across something you have chatted to him about before. Like “I just saw that car you were on about. Looks real cool.” And attach a photo of said car. Or, to keep it real simple “Hey, how’s your day going? How’s this for an awesome winter’s day? Ice skating all day :)”

Do Wink and Hint

If you get the feeling he’s interested, play with a bit of innuendo and flirting. Don’t over do it though. Every message doesn’t have to be flirtatious. Remember – the best person to fall in love with is your best friend, so chat to him about all sorts of things. Maybe just not your period.

Don’t Tell Him How Hot All the Other Guys Are

If you’ve been to the movies and walked out with a massive crush on Chris Helmsworth, you probably shouldn’t tell your crush. Unless you want to hear how hot Angelina Jolie is, that is.

Don’t Downplay Yourself 

As with putting a LOL by the end of every sentence (to ensure he knows you could just be kidding, don’t really mean it, aren’t really trying to flirt, or don’t take yourself seriously) saying things like “that’s not really a great text, but you get what I mean,” “that’s probably not the answer you wanted,” and “I really can’t express myself well when texting” after every other sentence isn’t gonna make you look like a confident person either.

Of course you can say these things if you really mean it – you might be terrible at texting, or you really messed up a reply and hit send without thinking – but then say it once and once only. And be confident about it, or have some fun with it:

“Oups, that came out wrong – I was trying to multitask and obviously didn’t think about what I was texting about LOL”

“I really suck at texting – it’s sooo much easier to talk to people in real life!”

“Man, I’m terrible at writing texts. Luckily I’m better in person ;)”

couple-texting

 Image Sources: Pinterest.com, deerval.com and realtormobile.net

1507760_10152392614860079_8379465670289960282_n copy 2By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery





99 Comments

  1. Bluesea

    July 7, 2016 at 1:04 am

    I left a comment/my loong bitter love story here but I cannot find it in the comments section. Is it bc its awaiting moderation 🙁 I would really, deeply appreciate it if u could reply. Apologizing in advance if I’m wrong in any way :*

  2. bluesea

    July 6, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    So I’m in love with my best friend since the past three to four years. We met and became friends about six years ago. At first it was all platonic for me. We found that we were kinda very in sync mentally, got along well (tho she is the kind that gets along well w pretty much everyone. I am very introverted, tho). We were separated after barely five/six months of friendship, tho, after I left the tuition class we were in. But we considered each other good friends even if we didn’t text often back then (back then when unlimited internet access wasn’t popular here where I stay); she came to meet me once and I had talked nonstop about my new crush to her, and she told me her stuff, we had fun, etc etc. Though we didn’t meet often/text often, we considered each other very good friends. And then after a few more months I had to MOVE to another place for education. We met before I left, talked of even moving TOGETHER somehow, lol. But ofcourse we didn’t move together (wasn’t practically possible), she stayed and I moved. After that we weren’t in contact for a few long months, until I texted, wanting to know what she was pursuing educationally, how her life is etc. We stayed in touch occasionally after that. Internet was now easily accessible and we texted frequently. She once told me of her crush and how he hurt her by calling her a LESBIAN, before his friends, no less (she is kind of a tomboy, and is into boxing). I was hurt and angry her sake and told her to stop thinking of that guy. Now at this point, I was kinda friendless in this new place, I was kinda isolated, and my heart longed for my best friend who is away. And anyway, things weren’t working out well for me in this new place, so I dropped my education there and moved back to my old place (but I should stress that it really was not to go back to her. I hardly even thought of it that way. I only missed her as a friend. I moved back bc my education wasn’t going well in this new place).

    So I got back to my old place, called her, we met and hugged and were so happy and vowed to keep spending time and have fun w each other. Now as fate would have it, coincidentally, I joined the same college she went to. She pursued a different course than I tho, but we would often adjust our times so we could leave the college together/ meet etc. It was at this point that I started falling for her.

    After a year or so I confessed. She took it kinda coolly/ without any shock, as tho she knew it already. It was a little weird between us anyway for those past few weeks where we had a sleepover, and she and me had sorta cuddled and stared at each others eyes and idk, it was way intimate for two friends. Also, the thing we were discussing/whispering like lovers to each other that night was about how (that same day itself) she had discouraged a guy from flirting w me. I hadn’t even noticed she had done that, so she actually TELLS me she had done that, and I, being already in love w her, was…feeling a strange joy. But few days after this, and she started to emotionally withdraw and fights occurred between us and that was when in the middle of a fight over text I told her that I love her.

    We were in a strange/awkward phase after that, walking on eggshells around each other; it sorta dwindled to not talking at all. But then we met again after not texting for a few long weeks and we hugged hard and were almost teary-eyed.

    After that our friendship got stronger. I would often voice my disapproval of her potential-crushes and she would actually a lot of times would take it laughingly, as tho she were enjoying the jealousy. It was kinda strangely fun for me too sometimes, as strange as it sounds, bc it felt as tho she were welcoming my feelings.

    But this careful avoidance of open discussion of my feelings yet it being present as an open secret between us and even embracing the subtle but undeniable signs of my possessiveness wouldn’t last for long. Some thing or the other would happen and we would fight again/come back together again. At one point I told her I hope she hadn’t forgotten that I love her, she said “you’re still in love?” and I said yes and she said this- what we have- cant even be called friendship and that its cracking and we’re just patching the holes. I said maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore. She said yea okay. It hurt but we officially ‘split’ so to speak.

    After a month my birthday comes along and she texts me happy bday and I dont respond. A month later, I respond. We both agree life was miserable and hellish without each other, and we start talking. Then she drops the bomb that she is DATING a guy. I kinda lose it and say that I hope she’ll b happy w this guy, but that I really cant b friends w her bc it HURTS. She frantically says that no no she’s going to dump him soon and that we shouldn’t break our friendship. I tell her to fuck off from my life (I’m not proud of having said it) but she clings on. We meet, talk, walk holding hands etc. She dumps him abruptly and the poor guy is shocked.

    I tell her i love her again. When we meet and talk, its like we unconsciously drift close and..idk. Its… I want to be with her badly. Well, she tells me that she WONT date me. She loves me as a friend. I’m frustrated and lose my mind daily and tell her that maybe we really shouldn’t be friends. She agrees this time too.

    We don’t text, dont talk. I unfriended her on facebook, blocked her on text, thinking that maybe that way i might gain my sanity. But i dont. I text her then and ask her if she wants to be friends w me again, tho i say that i dunno if i wanna apologize for everything cuz I’m sick of apologizing for acting out my feelings and that if we r friends again, i wont ever be a ‘regular’ friend. I say if u wish to be friends then reply otherwise dont. She doesn’t reply.
    I then cut her off from all social medias, but i feel empty and i only miss her more. I text her one day to pls accept me on FB, bc cutting her off entirely only aggravated my melancholy. She does, she replies. But we talk of nothing more.

    Months later (about a month ago from today) she texted me. Congratulating me for my graduation. I kinda cry seeing the texts, but dont reply, cuz I’m…broken.
    But it was only a matter of time when I’d reply, and i did today.
    We talked kinda warmly, albeit awkwardly initially. I miss her badly. I want her, but it feels like wishing for the moon or smth.

    Does she like me? What should i do.
    And gosh. Sorry for the sheer length of this question *facepalms* but i sorta let everything out here. Sincerely awaiting ur reply.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 6, 2016 at 11:01 pm

      Firstly, you need to never treat someone that you claim to love in such a disrespectful manner. Do not delete, ignore, or block someone that you claim to love. Since she has chosen to forgive you – and you should count yourself lucky – then you can decide to develop a relationship with her again.

      Secondly, you do not have the right to expect her to treat you well when you stop being her friend because she is dating someone else. My advice is for you to take this time and look inward and determine why you have treated her so poorly.

      From here on out, it is up to you to make a decision. Decide to be to good to here, decide to put your emotional poor decisions aside, and decide to no longer choose to hurt her because you can not control your emotions. If you want to develop a relationship with her, then do so. If she tells you that she can not do that, then remain friends with her. But, if you choose to not remain friends with her, then it would be better for her emotional well-being for you to stay away from her. Be good to her. She doesn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of an emotional roller coaster.

      • bluesea

        July 7, 2016 at 1:43 am

        Thank you so much for the reply.
        Wow, you have literally opened my eyes and I’m glad that I decided to share my problem here. I was so blind, thinking of my feelings and my woes. Perhaps it was bc its been so long i am in love w her and she isn’t reciprocating it the way I want her to, so I grow bitter and sad and depressed. Even things like me making a plan for us to meet and she cancelling it the last moment for some reason or the other would upset me badly. I never heard an opinion from someone that perhaps I maybe hurting her too with the anger I show when she doesn’t reciprocate. BC up until now even all of my friends too would be protective and supportive of me and bitter and angry on her and blame her for the depressed state I would end up in. Like repeatedly they would tell me to leave her for the sake of my sanity; if she isn’t reciprocating, why constantly break ur heart over her.

        But all those times I forgot that she is my FRIEND more than anything. I even told her that many times, ironically, when she would withdraw and I would beg her not to shut me out.

        I think we both have our fair share of shutting each other out, but now I realize that I only worsened everything when I did it too. I should’ve always stayed a constant friend, no matter what. BC she is my best friend. So thank u so much for making me see that I wasn’t the victim here. I’ll make it up to her. Thank u for the eye opener :*

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