Dating Italian Men

By on March 17, 2015






Known as the Casanovas of the world, Italian men have quite the reputation to live up to, but do they indeed live up to it? In some aspects, yes. In others, you may find them a bit difficult to deal with if you are from a different culture. Read on to find out what it is like Dating Italian Men!

You May Not Be the Only One

Remember Casanova? Well, he reportedly said: “Cultivating whatever gave pleasure to my senses was always the chief business of my life; I never found any occupation more important. Feeling that I was born for the sex opposite of mine, I have always loved it and done all that I could to make myself loved by it.”

If you imagine a man like that, do you think he is drawn to one woman and one alone? Whilst an Italian man often gives you his all whilst he is with you, his attraction may only last till the next woman comes along. After all – it’s his love for women that makes him see you as the poetry of the world.

Even in serious relationships some men will consider it perfectly normal to have mistresses; it’s a part of life as opposed to a crime and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He may even expect you to get a lover (and go mad with jealousy if you do).

On the flip side of the coin, many Italian men are as faithful as faithful can be.

They Give Their All

Again, like Casanova, they tend to give their all when with a woman. There is no holding back on the romance and love declarations. So if it only lasts for a night. Just beware that what an Italian man would say after one date can sound like something an American man would say after fifty (when drunk and having watched a romantic comedy he actually liked in his slightly altered state). These romantic declarations should be seen as something he means in the moment. It certainly does not mean forever.

Until you are certain you have the same values, future plans and intentions for the relationship, see everything an Italian man says as meaning something in the moment, not for the future. He adores you. Right now.

As in Life, so in Bed

Dating Italian men

Chances are your Italian guy will not only give you his all in conversations, but also in bed. They are seldom as inhibited as Americans.

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They Love Being Fussed Over

There’s truth to the stories about Italian men living at home till they get married and then moving two blocks away from their mother. They like being cared for and to feel extremely special in the eyes of the woman they love. In Italy the sign of a woman’s love has been synonymous with a woman cooking, taking care of the household and shouting out her pride for the man (or men if she end up having sons too) in her life. Whilst that can sound like sexist propaganda, it’s simply culture and tradition. Today women in Italy are as independent as most places and whilst they may have traditions within their homes, that’s far from a sign that they are weak or obeying the whims of their men. Italian women are often fierce, ruling their men with an iron hand, but they may still do the cooking. Though, of course, there are many exceptions to the rule.

Go to Town on the Romance

American men might get a bout of queasiness or commitment panic if you get all romantic and prepare anything from picnics to hot baths for them. The Italians, not so much. Rather the contrary. Chances are an Italian man will appreciate your efforts in the romance department. After all, he is probably tremendously romantic himself, complimenting you every two seconds and looking into your eyes like you were the lost princess of his life. So don’t be frightened to get the candles out – you’ve finally found a man who will appreciate it.

Let Him Chase You

Never give in too easily to an Italian. He will enjoy the chase, proving his manliness in the process. Let him show you he has character before you let him have you. Be busy when he calls, don’t be available for every date he suggests (especially make him work around your calendar for the first one) and don’t reply instantly to all his texts. See if he has what it takes to woo you properly.

Don’t, however, play silly games where you always wait to reply to a text, never answer the phone and can’t make a single date. Nor pretend like you have no interest whatsoever – you have to give him some hint or he will move on to someone else. All you have to do is basically show you don’t give in to just anyone – you first judge their character, then make your choice. You flirt, but you don’t give in. And that’s a valid point no matter who you date – Italian or no Italian.

Talk to Him

If you end up dating someone for some time, you have to talk to him to figure out what you both want from this. Do you want a relationship? In that case, what does that mean? How do you see relationships? Fidelity? What do you both expect from your futures? Where do you want to live? This is important in any relationship, but when there are cultural differences, even more so. You have to beware there will be cultural differences and what you may see as disrespectful is actually not and vice versa.

If you love someone you have to let them be who they are, following their heart, as must they do the same for you. You also both have to learn where you are willing to compromise.

There will be a few misunderstandings and communication is the golden key to both preventing and unraveling them.

1507760_10152392614860079_8379465670289960282_n copy 2By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery





6 Comments

  1. Annie

    October 25, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    Dear Maria,

    Having dated a few Italian men in my life I agree with most of the points in your article, however I must admit that my experience ended up being very painful. I was in love with one Italian man who didnt make any promises and we had a nice romance together even though I wanted more. I was left heartbroken but not as much as during the last relationship with an Italian man. I want to tell you the full story so if other women read this and find themselves in the same situation they can learn from my story.
    He was courting me beautifully and was very romantic indeed. He was very intense and was chasing me and seducing me slowly. He was very strong in his courtship and wanted to get to the bottom of my heart. I felt worried even though I enjoyed getting to know him. However, he would make steps forward but not open up completely. There were many worrying signs at the start of the relationship. I felt like he was hiding a lot and was lying too but he denied that. So I would leave him but he would fight me back all the time. This man had deep feelings for me but with every move there was a lie. I could feel constant lies about his whereabouts, timetable, phone etc. He would create a picture of an ideal love between us but would always have to get on the next flight, lie about a business trip and not open up fully about his life. It was painful. I was sharing moments with a man who wanted only to experience beautiful moments with me disguising it as a wish for a relationship. He didnt respect my feelings at the end of the day. All that mattered was to make love and then live a single life in between. However, instead of saying that these were his intentions or that he didnt want anything serious, he kept stringing me along with constant manipulation and pretence that we were building a relationship. I checked a few of the things he lied about and I was right having that gut feeling. Those lies were horrible and very painful considering the context he told them in.
    I heard a few similar stories of people that I know who were involved with Italian men. They make you feel like on top of the world and like you are The One and as soon as you are in his spider net of lies and seduction they take a step back masterfully and tell you that they are not up for serious relationship or just disappear.
    Recently, I happened to speak with one Italian man about this and have expressed my disappointment about this relationship. He said that this is normal and that Italian men live from romance to romance. He didnt see anything wrong in this situation at all, not even my broken heart, the lies of the man I was with, the fact that he misled me. It makes me wonder what kind of nation they are?! I won’t deny that I had the most beautiful romances with the two Italians I was in love with but they also hurt so deeply with their cold hearts and rotten souls. They didnt and don’t care in the end. They don’t get involved with their hearts and even if they do they have an ability to switch off and move on without wanting to be with a woman they have developed feelings for.
    I am very disappointed and very hurt by these encounters. I also feel lost as to what else I could have done to change the situation as I tried everything to make it work or what I can do to change in the future if I happen to fall for an Italian man again.

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 26, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      Thank you for sharing your experience, insights, and story with us. You have contributed to our community and will likely influence someone in the future. While your story is valid, it is certain that there are Italian men who are respectful and positive. Enjoy life and feel free to contribute in the future. We always appreciate the growth of our community with such stories and ideas. Have a great day, Annie!

  2. Elizabeth

    August 27, 2016 at 5:34 am

    What if the mother doesn’t like you and wanted you to move home? His mother was always indifferent.

    I once dated an italian man who said we would be engaged if I moved home which was half an hour drive away from where I lived with others at the time.

    We had dated for about 18months although time went quickly I was so happy and never noticed any other men while we dated.

    I moved home for a week but as he didn’t phone I would not meet him for tennis as arranged at the end of the week. He phoned asked why and I said I was disappointed he did not phone and he said he was renovated the bathroom for his mother.

    So of course I moved out, he phoned sometime later said his mum was out and would I like to see the ring. I drove around saw the ring in the car and he said if I moved home again we would get engaged.

    I asked why what difference did it make where I lived to get engaged as I have my friends here whereas at home 40 minutes drive away no one knew where I lived. He didn’t answer.

    As I didn’t move home again he no longer contacted me and a week later I met his cousin and an aunty (sister of his mother) after church who said his mother wanted him to marry an italian girl.

    I often wonder what HE wanted and why he didn’t contact me after the last visit to the flat with others. We were so happy together till he suggested i move home.

    Would he have been influenced by his mother? I was so disappointed yet relieved yet wondered why he no longer contacted me after he visited me at the flat one last time.

    This was some time ago and of course nothing happened. So I wondered why he no longer contacted me. What do you think?

    Meanwhile I am married however I would appreciate a personal bit of feedback at your convenience.

    Anomyous

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 27, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      It may have been the influence of his mother. After 18 months in the relationship, he may have also started to wonder where things were headed, which was a natural response. His desire to have you move home could have been a test to see if you were willing to take the relationship to the next step and move near him. After all, you would most likely be living together if you were married, so you or he would have to move closer to each other. At any rate, it looks like the relationship was not what he wanted and it is unlikely that he will ask to date again. Since you are married now, I really would not worry about the past because it will only bring up more questions.

  3. Amachukwu happiness

    May 23, 2016 at 5:42 pm

    I like Italian men

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 26, 2016 at 7:28 am

      🙂

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