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    Dating Italian Men

    By on March 17, 2015

    Known as the Casanovas of the world, Italian men have quite the reputation to live up to, but do they indeed live up to it? In some aspects, yes. In others, you may find them a bit difficult to deal with if you are from a different culture. Read on to find out what it is like Dating Italian Men!

    You May Not Be the Only One

    Remember Casanova? Well, he reportedly said: “Cultivating whatever gave pleasure to my senses was always the chief business of my life; I never found any occupation more important. Feeling that I was born for the sex opposite of mine, I have always loved it and done all that I could to make myself loved by it.”

    If you imagine a man like that, do you think he is drawn to one woman and one alone? Whilst an Italian man often gives you his all whilst he is with you, his attraction may only last till the next woman comes along. After all – it’s his love for women that makes him see you as the poetry of the world.

    Even in serious relationships some men will consider it perfectly normal to have mistresses; it’s a part of life as opposed to a crime and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He may even expect you to get a lover (and go mad with jealousy if you do).

    On the flip side of the coin, many Italian men are as faithful as faithful can be.

    They Give Their All

    Again, like Casanova, they tend to give their all when with a woman. There is no holding back on the romance and love declarations. So if it only lasts for a night. Just beware that what an Italian man would say after one date can sound like something an American man would say after fifty (when drunk and having watched a romantic comedy he actually liked in his slightly altered state). These romantic declarations should be seen as something he means in the moment. It certainly does not mean forever.

    Until you are certain you have the same values, future plans and intentions for the relationship, see everything an Italian man says as meaning something in the moment, not for the future. He adores you. Right now.

    As in Life, so in Bed

    Dating Italian men

    Chances are your Italian guy will not only give you his all in conversations, but also in bed. They are seldom as inhibited as Americans.

    They Love Being Fussed Over

    There’s truth to the stories about Italian men living at home till they get married and then moving two blocks away from their mother. They like being cared for and to feel extremely special in the eyes of the woman they love. In Italy the sign of a woman’s love has been synonymous with a woman cooking, taking care of the household and shouting out her pride for the man (or men if she end up having sons too) in her life. Whilst that can sound like sexist propaganda, it’s simply culture and tradition. Today women in Italy are as independent as most places and whilst they may have traditions within their homes, that’s far from a sign that they are weak or obeying the whims of their men. Italian women are often fierce, ruling their men with an iron hand, but they may still do the cooking. Though, of course, there are many exceptions to the rule.

    Go to Town on the Romance

    American men might get a bout of queasiness or commitment panic if you get all romantic and prepare anything from picnics to hot baths for them. The Italians, not so much. Rather the contrary. Chances are an Italian man will appreciate your efforts in the romance department. After all, he is probably tremendously romantic himself, complimenting you every two seconds and looking into your eyes like you were the lost princess of his life. So don’t be frightened to get the candles out – you’ve finally found a man who will appreciate it.

    Let Him Chase You

    Never give in too easily to an Italian. He will enjoy the chase, proving his manliness in the process. Let him show you he has character before you let him have you. Be busy when he calls, don’t be available for every date he suggests (especially make him work around your calendar for the first one) and don’t reply instantly to all his texts. See if he has what it takes to woo you properly.

    Don’t, however, play silly games where you always wait to reply to a text, never answer the phone and can’t make a single date. Nor pretend like you have no interest whatsoever – you have to give him some hint or he will move on to someone else. All you have to do is basically show you don’t give in to just anyone – you first judge their character, then make your choice. You flirt, but you don’t give in. And that’s a valid point no matter who you date – Italian or no Italian.

    Talk to Him

    If you end up dating someone for some time, you have to talk to him to figure out what you both want from this. Do you want a relationship? In that case, what does that mean? How do you see relationships? Fidelity? What do you both expect from your futures? Where do you want to live? This is important in any relationship, but when there are cultural differences, even more so. You have to beware there will be cultural differences and what you may see as disrespectful is actually not and vice versa.

    If you love someone you have to let them be who they are, following their heart, as must they do the same for you. You also both have to learn where you are willing to compromise.

    There will be a few misunderstandings and communication is the golden key to both preventing and unraveling them.

    1507760_10152392614860079_8379465670289960282_n copy 2By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery

    14 Comments

    1. Annie

      October 25, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      Dear Maria,

      Having dated a few Italian men in my life I agree with most of the points in your article, however I must admit that my experience ended up being very painful. I was in love with one Italian man who didnt make any promises and we had a nice romance together even though I wanted more. I was left heartbroken but not as much as during the last relationship with an Italian man. I want to tell you the full story so if other women read this and find themselves in the same situation they can learn from my story.
      He was courting me beautifully and was very romantic indeed. He was very intense and was chasing me and seducing me slowly. He was very strong in his courtship and wanted to get to the bottom of my heart. I felt worried even though I enjoyed getting to know him. However, he would make steps forward but not open up completely. There were many worrying signs at the start of the relationship. I felt like he was hiding a lot and was lying too but he denied that. So I would leave him but he would fight me back all the time. This man had deep feelings for me but with every move there was a lie. I could feel constant lies about his whereabouts, timetable, phone etc. He would create a picture of an ideal love between us but would always have to get on the next flight, lie about a business trip and not open up fully about his life. It was painful. I was sharing moments with a man who wanted only to experience beautiful moments with me disguising it as a wish for a relationship. He didnt respect my feelings at the end of the day. All that mattered was to make love and then live a single life in between. However, instead of saying that these were his intentions or that he didnt want anything serious, he kept stringing me along with constant manipulation and pretence that we were building a relationship. I checked a few of the things he lied about and I was right having that gut feeling. Those lies were horrible and very painful considering the context he told them in.
      I heard a few similar stories of people that I know who were involved with Italian men. They make you feel like on top of the world and like you are The One and as soon as you are in his spider net of lies and seduction they take a step back masterfully and tell you that they are not up for serious relationship or just disappear.
      Recently, I happened to speak with one Italian man about this and have expressed my disappointment about this relationship. He said that this is normal and that Italian men live from romance to romance. He didnt see anything wrong in this situation at all, not even my broken heart, the lies of the man I was with, the fact that he misled me. It makes me wonder what kind of nation they are?! I won’t deny that I had the most beautiful romances with the two Italians I was in love with but they also hurt so deeply with their cold hearts and rotten souls. They didnt and don’t care in the end. They don’t get involved with their hearts and even if they do they have an ability to switch off and move on without wanting to be with a woman they have developed feelings for.
      I am very disappointed and very hurt by these encounters. I also feel lost as to what else I could have done to change the situation as I tried everything to make it work or what I can do to change in the future if I happen to fall for an Italian man again.

      • web admin

        web admin

        October 26, 2016 at 2:18 pm

        Thank you for sharing your experience, insights, and story with us. You have contributed to our community and will likely influence someone in the future. While your story is valid, it is certain that there are Italian men who are respectful and positive. Enjoy life and feel free to contribute in the future. We always appreciate the growth of our community with such stories and ideas. Have a great day, Annie!

      • Jenny

        May 16, 2017 at 11:25 am

        Annie, that no heart no soul son of b*** sounds exactly like mine. Just forget about them as they have no respect for your feelings, indeed they’re playing with your heart. Hopefully not all Italian men are like that but my first experience showed the true face of some. I would love to meet you and talk more

        • web admin

          web admin

          May 17, 2017 at 1:25 pm

          I hope her experience doesn’t turn out like yours. 🙁 Thanks for the insight, Jenny. Good luck!

    2. Elizabeth

      August 27, 2016 at 5:34 am

      What if the mother doesn’t like you and wanted you to move home? His mother was always indifferent.

      I once dated an italian man who said we would be engaged if I moved home which was half an hour drive away from where I lived with others at the time.

      We had dated for about 18months although time went quickly I was so happy and never noticed any other men while we dated.

      I moved home for a week but as he didn’t phone I would not meet him for tennis as arranged at the end of the week. He phoned asked why and I said I was disappointed he did not phone and he said he was renovated the bathroom for his mother.

      So of course I moved out, he phoned sometime later said his mum was out and would I like to see the ring. I drove around saw the ring in the car and he said if I moved home again we would get engaged.

      I asked why what difference did it make where I lived to get engaged as I have my friends here whereas at home 40 minutes drive away no one knew where I lived. He didn’t answer.

      As I didn’t move home again he no longer contacted me and a week later I met his cousin and an aunty (sister of his mother) after church who said his mother wanted him to marry an italian girl.

      I often wonder what HE wanted and why he didn’t contact me after the last visit to the flat with others. We were so happy together till he suggested i move home.

      Would he have been influenced by his mother? I was so disappointed yet relieved yet wondered why he no longer contacted me after he visited me at the flat one last time.

      This was some time ago and of course nothing happened. So I wondered why he no longer contacted me. What do you think?

      Meanwhile I am married however I would appreciate a personal bit of feedback at your convenience.

      Anomyous

      • web admin

        web admin

        August 27, 2016 at 3:36 pm

        It may have been the influence of his mother. After 18 months in the relationship, he may have also started to wonder where things were headed, which was a natural response. His desire to have you move home could have been a test to see if you were willing to take the relationship to the next step and move near him. After all, you would most likely be living together if you were married, so you or he would have to move closer to each other. At any rate, it looks like the relationship was not what he wanted and it is unlikely that he will ask to date again. Since you are married now, I really would not worry about the past because it will only bring up more questions.

        • Elizabeth Clark

          October 9, 2017 at 3:18 am

          I agree about the past yet when I saw him on the internet and found out his wife has passed away I was shocked. I often wondered if I had moved home again, would he have continued to date me. I also never discussed if he liked travelling as I was so attracted to him. We did get a little carried away on his last visit, yet never all the way. This made me think Italian men just want women to kiss and cuddle before marriage.

          He left feeling annoyed as he may have expected more. As it was I felt I had gone too far and was embarrassed. Anyway when I phoned him a week after not seeing him, he said he had places to go and things to do.
          At that time I had never heard of the saying. He also sent pictures of our courtship together to me by post. I think he dropped them off. I was puzzled as to why.

          I often think it was because we went too far as he was amorous.

          So as well as that and me not moving home, he must have felt I was not the girl for him. Although I was relieved after the feeling he wanted me to move home on our dates and getting annoyed because I was reluctant, I often wondered whether he stopped contacting me because of our actions in the flat when he visited, or whether his mother had the strong influence as I mentioned when his cousin and aunt said we are sorry your and xxx broke up as his mother wants him to marry an Italian girl.

          I also used to wonder after he showed me a ring in the car before that last night, what would happen after the honeymoon. I was frightened I would lose my identity believe it or not, as the mother was indifferent. In the car after putting the ring on my finger and then taking it off, I asked him what difference it made living in Brisbane where I had friends whereas at home I know no one now, he turned it around so it sounded like what difference did it make if I moved home again. I felt he was insensitive to my feelings. I never thought to ask what he wanted and I remember him saying mum wants to you etc. Also he then said mum will be home shortly so I have to go. I felt annoyed that he could not stay in the car longer to explain more and listen to my side more.

          Also after a holiday in the early part of our courtship during which I kept my distance, he asked why did I tell mum my age.
          I replied because she asked me. His response was I would have preferred to tell mum myself when I felt ready.

          I was left wondering why he mentioned this. So as you can see there was confusion there and I was surprised at his quick actions on our last encounter and had to say stop. So whether this influenced him breaking up as all we had done was kiss and cuddle, or whether me not agreeing to move home so his mum would see I was like other Italian girls living at home before marriage, is a question on my mind.

          Thanks for reading this. I admit it would be nice to obtain feedback.
          Although I am happily married my poor husband has injuries now and I often think of that guy and his son and wonder how he is now and whether his mother is still his priority and it would be nice to contact him however being married I cannot.

          I hope this is entirely confidential

          • web admin

            web admin

            October 10, 2017 at 7:45 pm

            You have made a positive determination. You are married, and you will find benefit in placing your emotional energy toward your current partner. Put the memories of this other person out of your mind. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. You will find benefit in spending additional time with your husband. In sickness and in health. Have a great day, Elizabeth!

            • Elizabeth

              November 2, 2017 at 6:26 am

              Yes that strong feeling I had of “what happens after the honeymoon” made me think of how much I might be expected to change if we were married.

              From the time I moved home and he didn’t ring me for a week it left me feeling unsure and I remember saying on a flower, he loves me he loves me not. I was unsure of him then as he seemed changed to my perspective when I did move home, yet here I was determined to show him I was independent when he didn’t ring, and said he had been renovating the bathroom for his mum. He only rang when I didn’t turn up for a game of tennis we had arranged on the Friday night of the week I had moved home.

              After all the frustration I felt feeling strange being home despite my parents supporting me, I moved out of home again pleased I had made a decision despite this guy’s desire to have me at home when he said mum wants you to move home.

              When he did contact me after I had moved out a week later, I was annoyed at his persistence that I move home again, yet still pleased to see him. After seeing the ring in the car, and feeling numb when he placed it on my finger, then driving home as he had said mum will be home soon so I had better go, with both of us not coming to a conclusion, I felt annoyed that we had not sorted things out.

              Then after that last night in the unit, and feeling proud we didn’t do too much, I noticed he didn’t say too much as he left looking annoyed. I had let me see my lower half before I realized it, then felt scared and embarrassed, yet pleased I said stop. He was so quick to try to undress me. My intention in going to the bedroom was to talk privately away from my flatmate. I should have guessed he had other plans. I was so naive.

              When I said stop, I felt he was annoyed and that we went too far from any previous actions all the time we dated. So I wondered whether he thought I had experience which I didn’t, but my actions before I said stop may have given him the idea I had gone that far before, so I felt we had come to an abrupt half with unfinished business.

              Then as I mentioned, when I received the photos I was stunned. Also instead of talking after we both recovered, he walked out of the unit, not saying goodbye I will see you again and arrange a time. I remember feeling proud we went no further.

              Going on this, I wondered whether he thought my standards were not has high as he expected, yet I was relieved. I thought he may realize that I would have gone so far before marriage and that he might change his mind and accept me staying in Brisbane.

              When I didn’t hear from him after a week I was puzzled and guessed he wanted me to do as his mother wanted.

              Having seen him on the internet, I have started to think what if we did get married. It was a puzzle when he didn’t contact me and sent photos back and I did feel relief at the time.

              I suppose with my husbands restrictions now, with vows for better or worse and things are worse for both of us, I reflect on what might have happened if I had returned home. Would we have been engaged, then would I have had to move into a house he had a block from his mother to set up the house, then would he like travelling, and if I was not able to fall pregnant as has happened, would he have felt let down.

              As he is contactable, I would love to email him while he is working, yet I know my husband would never do that with any past relationships.

              If my husband and I were able to continue to way we were once, I may never have had these thoughts. I know that man had that wonderful persona as I never noticed any other men in a room when I was with him. Whereas I still look around when I am with my husband despite all the practical things he has done for me. I had a strong physical attraction to that man then went numb and relieved when he stopped seeing me and sent photos back.

              Now I know more about the culture and that he has a son and is a widow, and my poor husband is in constant pain, easily angry and physically restricted and I have counselling, I suppose I think how would I feel If I saw this guy again at a church function. I know I have changed physically and look 55 and am 64 so he would have changed, yet I am curious.

              I would appreciate feedback on this recent contact. Thank you for the confidence

              • web admin

                web admin

                November 2, 2017 at 6:35 pm

                Allow the experiences of your relationship to influence your future actions. It sounds as though you have already made a determination about the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Determine what you require in your relationships from this point forward. Have a great day, Elizabeth!

                • Elizabeth Clark

                  November 9, 2017 at 4:50 am

                  I have spoken to my husband about physical and emotional problems with us so we communicate.

                  If I see someone who resembles that former man I do look twice so memories of him are still strong. I noticed the grave site of his wife said devoted mother so as I have heard Italian families are close, they may not travel too much.

                  I try to keep romance in our marriage and being old fashioned, I would never contact this man despite my curiosity.

                  My husband and I have lunch dates now and he is not possessive about my travelling and supports me with study and work although he loses patience if I repeat things.

                  So cultural differences stopped the romance along with my frustration at moving home and wondering what his next step would be considering he talked a lot about his mum and what she wanted. He was possessive when I talked with others at times, and when relatives spoke Italian he was not always at my side, so he probably didn’t realize how isolated I felt.

                  I would love to meet him by accident at a church function and enquire how he is as a widower then I probably would have peace of mind.

                  • web admin

                    web admin

                    November 9, 2017 at 9:11 pm

                    Continue to speak with your husband about your thoughts and feelings. You are married, so you should determine what actions are acceptable to you in your relationship. If you run into this person, then share your kindness and compassion with him. There is no reason to attempt to establish a relationship with this person. Have a great day, Elizabeth!

    3. Amachukwu happiness

      May 23, 2016 at 5:42 pm

      I like Italian men

      • web admin

        web admin

        May 26, 2016 at 7:28 am

        🙂

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