10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Controlling

By on October 8, 2013

Many girls find themselves in controlling relationships, where their boyfriend is very dominate about everything and it causes a lot of problems and takes impact on the girls involved in horrendous ways. Some get out of these relationships and some get stuck with controlling guys for years to come- or even for life. It is very important for every girl out there to know the signs of a controlling boyfriend and to know that being with a guy like this isn’t good for them or anyone else. To help, here are 10 signs to let you know if your boyfriend is controlling:


Sign #1.) He Doesn’t Want You To Go Out.


A controlling boyfriend usually hates to see his girlfriend go out without him. If your boyfriend is the controlling-type he won’t want to let you go out with certain friends, family and he may even throw a fit every time you do. Controlling men will try to keep a girl all to themselves. A lot of the time, women who have been in bad relationships like this, will say that they lost a lot of relationships with other people they were close to because of how their boyfriends were.

Sign #2.) You Are Always Paying or He Never Lets You Handle The Money.


When it comes down to it, a boyfriend who wants to be in control, will want to be in control of the finances. This could either mean he wants to pay for everything, tell you how you can and can’t spend your money or he will only make you pay for the things you both want and need. He will still tell you what to do with your money, become strict about what’s yours, but he won’t set any restrictions on his. It could really go either way.

Sign #3.) He Will Pick Your Friends.



Just like he won’t like you going out, he won’t like you talking to, seeing or being around certain people. A controlling boyfriend may try to skim down your friends, and even family, or try to eliminate them from your life altogether. Yet, when it comes down to the people you would rather not see him around, he won’t change who he talks to or who he hangs out with. He won’t be concerned with how you feel, only his opinion on your personal life will matter to him.

Sign #4.) He’s Really, Really, Really Nosy.


Control-freak warning sign: He will always be snooping in your stuff. Whether it is your social networking site, your voice mail, your texts or your mail- He will always need to know what is going on with your life, money, friends, conversations and pretty much anything else you can think of. For a controlling boyfriend, there are absolutely no boundaries or privacy. While he is all up in your business, he may get very angry when you snoop around in his stuff and tell you that is not okay, even though it is okay for him to do it to you.

Sign #5.) He Blames You For Everything.


Does your boyfriend blame everything on you? Even all of the things that are actually his fault? Does he get mad at you for stupid things that weren’t your fault? You may have a boyfriend who is controlling, if you said yes to those. A man who has that characteristic will blame everything on you and you may never hear an apology. Instead, no matter who holds the fault, he will wait for you to apologize to him, even if it wasn’t a big deal or your fault. He likes to have that control of your emotions and likes to have you feel the regret in the end.

Sign #6.) He Is Involved In All Of Your Decisions.

Couple Fighting at School

Of course, in a relationship, it is best to make important decisions together. But, when it comes down to it, if need be or if the decision isn’t all that vital, you should be able to make a decision on your own. If you find yourself feeling like you can’t ever make any decision without him, he may be controlling. He will have installed that thought into you and made it so you are dependent on him.


Sign #7.) He Puts You Down.


Verbal abuse is a very strong sign of a controlled relationship. A boyfriend who is controlling will put you down to control you better, make you think untrue things about yourself and then he will come back to bring you back up again, so he is the one who makes you feel good (though he was the one to make you feel badly in the first place.) He may also verbally abuse you to get you to do things he wants you to do. The lower your self-esteem, the more vulnerable you become- That’s what controlling guys like.

Sign #8.) He Hurts You.


Besides verbal abuse, a controlling man may physically abuse his partner. Installing fear into someone with abuse (physical or verbal) will make him feel in control and again, make you feel vulnerable. If you are in a relationship that deals with either verbal or physical abuse, please realize you are in a controlled relationship and don’t hesitate to get out. You can do better, no matter what you’ve been told or who you are. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 for help.

Sign #9.) You Start Feeling Suffocated.


This is a common sign that you are being controlled by your boyfriend. If you feel like you’ve lost your freedom, you are always catering to him and he is not returning the favors, then he may be controlling.

Sign #10.) He Says No.


If he says no when you didn’t even ask him, he may be a controlling boyfriend. You shouldn’t have to ask your boyfriend whether you can or can’t do something, what you can and can’t buy with your own money, every single person you hang out with or where and where you can’t go. He does not have the right to dictate every part of your life. You may tell him you are going to go get a new pair or jeans and he says you can’t, even though you didn’t ask. Or you may want to visit your family for the day and he says you aren’t allowed to go. That is a controlling boyfriend.


  1. Shelly

    February 10, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    My boyfriend likes to tell me what and how to do things but I really love him . He doesn’t like when I go out with my friends and family and always telling me that I’m cheating on him . He have cheated on several times and also make me deleted my Instagram account don’t want me on any social media … What do you think I should do? Leave him ?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 11, 2017 at 10:20 am

      Leave him. If he has cheated on you, then that is reason enough to leave him. If he is assuming that you are cheating on him, then that is a sign that he is cheating on you. If he is controlling your actions, then he is not someone that you want to be with. Keep these three things in mind for your future relationships. There is no reason to talk it through with him. Simply end your relationship. Have a great day, Shelly!

  2. susan

    December 27, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    Hi and I was searching for answers, I have a boyfriend that I love very much and my mistake is that do to me loving him much I come out of control when he puts me down just because he feels like it, when that happens I tend to get out of my mind and want to punch him,also I get out of control because I really don’t deserve his way of treating me because I don’t do anything bad to himand its come to a put that ive lost my respect as a person because I don’t allow him to offend me just because. please give me an advise, I am not a disrespectful person he gets me like that and then he tells me that I am acting crazy when he is the one offending me for no reason.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 28, 2016 at 11:05 am

      When you are both in a calmer state of mind, it may help if you tell him how you feel. Explain that you do not want to “act crazy” or get upset, but he offends you sometimes without meaning to. Try to stay open, calm and avoid getting defensive in the conversation. If he can manage to do the same, perhaps you guys will be able to open up a dialogue about better ways to treat each other and talk in your relationship. Good luck, Susan!

  3. Oddz

    December 8, 2016 at 2:00 am

    The guy that I am hanging out with does not possess all the signs as mentioned above, but he always wants to hang out with me and does not like when I tell him, I would like to go out with my friends when he is not around. I really do enjoy his company, however, sometimes I fear whether I am going blind not knowing his true character. I am an introvert and don’t have many friends which are an advantage for him. he always says he cares and loves me so much, yet he knows that I don’t love him or do not feel the same. I am quite sure i do not want to make him as my life partner. Dont know what to do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 8, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      If you are not sure that you want to make him your life partner, then be certain to not make him your life partner. If you feel comfortable with doing so in the future, then do so. However, there is no reason for him to not want you to hang out with your friends. There may be a trust issue. Speak directly and honestly with him about your feelings. Determine what you want to do in your relationship after you have had a full conversation with him. Best of luck, Oddz!

  4. chanti

    December 12, 2014 at 10:23 am

    Hi there that is so true that it is signs of being controlling. I also have a partner that is somewhat controlling and I have taken back my life and will make my own decisions. We are not even married and he wants to control my finances and tel me what to buy and cannot buy. I gave him permission yes to invest my finances and thought it will help him to be in control of the finances but he just takes over. He does give me money for little things I want to buy but there were more important things as buying a new bed and instead he used the money to buy junk. I want my freedom back and I got it and I am sticking to it. No man will ever work with my finances again. I mean how embarresssing to ask your boyfriend for money for airtime. It is my salary. I can put airtime on when I want. I am a woman of 30 and he is a boy of 25. I am a mother of a child age 7 now a child wants to rule my life. I can also never speak my mind. I am not aloud to otherwise I back chat him. I am not a child to be told I can’t speak my mind. That utter nonsens. Get out while you can controlling men also become abusive. Luckily my boyfriend was not abusive but controls my thoughts and my mind. can make up my own mind

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 17, 2015 at 4:42 am

      That sounds like a terrible experience, Chianti. Are you still in that relationship? If you are still with him, you should start trying to separate your finances and strike out on your own. You do not deserve a boyfriend like that, and it is time to make a change. If he does get abusive, make sure to get help. There are plenty of shelters, programs and scholarships that are intended to help women who are trying to turn their lives around and escape from an abusive relationship. Get help so that you can start living a safer, happier life.

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