10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Controlling

By on October 8, 2013

Many girls find themselves in controlling relationships, where their boyfriend is very dominate about everything and it causes a lot of problems and takes impact on the girls involved in horrendous ways. Some get out of these relationships and some get stuck with controlling guys for years to come- or even for life. It is very important for every girl out there to know the signs of a controlling boyfriend and to know that being with a guy like this isn’t good for them or anyone else. To help, here are 10 signs to let you know if your boyfriend is controlling:


Sign #1.) He Doesn’t Want You To Go Out.


A controlling boyfriend usually hates to see his girlfriend go out without him. If your boyfriend is the controlling-type he won’t want to let you go out with certain friends, family and he may even throw a fit every time you do. Controlling men will try to keep a girl all to themselves. A lot of the time, women who have been in bad relationships like this, will say that they lost a lot of relationships with other people they were close to because of how their boyfriends were.

Sign #2.) You Are Always Paying or He Never Lets You Handle The Money.


When it comes down to it, a boyfriend who wants to be in control, will want to be in control of the finances. This could either mean he wants to pay for everything, tell you how you can and can’t spend your money or he will only make you pay for the things you both want and need. He will still tell you what to do with your money, become strict about what’s yours, but he won’t set any restrictions on his. It could really go either way.

Sign #3.) He Will Pick Your Friends.


Just like he won’t like you going out, he won’t like you talking to, seeing or being around certain people. A controlling boyfriend may try to skim down your friends, and even family, or try to eliminate them from your life altogether. Yet, when it comes down to the people you would rather not see him around, he won’t change who he talks to or who he hangs out with. He won’t be concerned with how you feel, only his opinion on your personal life will matter to him.

Sign #4.) He’s Really, Really, Really Nosy.


Control-freak warning sign: He will always be snooping in your stuff. Whether it is your social networking site, your voice mail, your texts or your mail- He will always need to know what is going on with your life, money, friends, conversations and pretty much anything else you can think of. For a controlling boyfriend, there are absolutely no boundaries or privacy. While he is all up in your business, he may get very angry when you snoop around in his stuff and tell you that is not okay, even though it is okay for him to do it to you.

Sign #5.) He Blames You For Everything.


Does your boyfriend blame everything on you? Even all of the things that are actually his fault? Does he get mad at you for stupid things that weren’t your fault? You may have a boyfriend who is controlling, if you said yes to those. A man who has that characteristic will blame everything on you and you may never hear an apology. Instead, no matter who holds the fault, he will wait for you to apologize to him, even if it wasn’t a big deal or your fault. He likes to have that control of your emotions and likes to have you feel the regret in the end.

Sign #6.) He Is Involved In All Of Your Decisions.

Couple Fighting at School

Of course, in a relationship, it is best to make important decisions together. But, when it comes down to it, if need be or if the decision isn’t all that vital, you should be able to make a decision on your own. If you find yourself feeling like you can’t ever make any decision without him, he may be controlling. He will have installed that thought into you and made it so you are dependent on him.

Sign #7.) He Puts You Down.


Verbal abuse is a very strong sign of a controlled relationship. A boyfriend who is controlling will put you down to control you better, make you think untrue things about yourself and then he will come back to bring you back up again, so he is the one who makes you feel good (though he was the one to make you feel badly in the first place.) He may also verbally abuse you to get you to do things he wants you to do. The lower your self-esteem, the more vulnerable you become- That’s what controlling guys like.

Sign #8.) He Hurts You.


Besides verbal abuse, a controlling man may physically abuse his partner. Installing fear into someone with abuse (physical or verbal) will make him feel in control and again, make you feel vulnerable. If you are in a relationship that deals with either verbal or physical abuse, please realize you are in a controlled relationship and don’t hesitate to get out. You can do better, no matter what you’ve been told or who you are. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 for help.

Sign #9.) You Start Feeling Suffocated.


This is a common sign that you are being controlled by your boyfriend. If you feel like you’ve lost your freedom, you are always catering to him and he is not returning the favors, then he may be controlling.

Sign #10.) He Says No.


If he says no when you didn’t even ask him, he may be a controlling boyfriend. You shouldn’t have to ask your boyfriend whether you can or can’t do something, what you can and can’t buy with your own money, every single person you hang out with or where and where you can’t go. He does not have the right to dictate every part of your life. You may tell him you are going to go get a new pair or jeans and he says you can’t, even though you didn’t ask. Or you may want to visit your family for the day and he says you aren’t allowed to go. That is a controlling boyfriend.


  1. Avatar


    July 1, 2018 at 6:21 am

    I can really say that I am a strict boyfriend. I decide which clothes she should wear or not, what she should eat, and mostly what she is allowed to do. I pick her friends, even her hairstyle. Others tell me that i am suffocating her and its not healthy but my girlfriend tells the opposite. She loves me being too possessive but overprotective to her. That’s because I have my reasons for being strict. Some men threatened to rape and abduct her, not just once but many times. So I guess there’s always reason behind being strict.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 1, 2018 at 10:01 pm

      Your partner is appreciative of your actions. However, it is possible that she is telling you want she wants to hear. Determine what you believe is appropriate for this relationship. Perhaps speak with her family and friends about this relationship. This will give you an understanding of her social relationships and how those relationships may influence her feelings. Have a great day, Jin!

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    June 25, 2018 at 4:20 am

    Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4months now. He doesn’t want me to go out with my friends without him. He snoops on my phone, he wants to be included in all the decision in my life, whether it’s career or anything. I was supposed to go to US for an intership for a year, but instead he wants me to go to australia so we can apply together and build our dream together. I usually stay on his house 2-3days a week and if its my time to go home he cries coz he’s missing me all the time. But on the good side, he takes care of me, make sure im ok, doesnt touch my money and give me his, he always compliment the way i dress and cook for me always. He’s just insecure, a bit controlling in some point. Idk if its healthy or not.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 26, 2018 at 1:53 pm

      Your boyfriend feels a strong emotional and social connection with you. However, his behaviors are indications of his jealously and controlling nature. It is likely that he is insecure. He should trust you and not attempt to control you life. Determine what you want for your future. Decide what kind of relationship is appropriate. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Jemmie!

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    April 30, 2018 at 12:48 am

    I like having the strict relationship accept the abuse but them telling me what to do i like it sometimes it makes them seem hot and caring plus they get scared your gonna cheat so they start getting jealous and they stay close but all my other relationships they were cold hearted and some of them didn’t want anything but sex so I ended it.

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 1, 2018 at 12:36 am

      It sounds as though you are interested in having a secure and respectful relationship. This is normal. You do not want to attempt to make your partner jealous, as this may cause them to behave in an unacceptable manner. Always share your kindness and compassion with your partners. Have a great day, Maria!

  4. Avatar

    Help me

    January 30, 2018 at 10:48 pm

    My boyfriend does all this. I can’t touch any money i make because he complains. When i want to buy something with my money for me or my son its always “you don’t need it” or “we got this or that to pay. I can’t go to my moms house either because it is a problem but he can go to his moms for 4 hours at a time sometimes longer. I never tell him anything because i don’t care i actually enjoy being away from him. And when i say something he doesn’t like he slaps me. He’s even choked me to the point to where he left his hand prints around my neck. He’s punched me multiple times on several occasions. He only recently stopped abusing me “so much” because he has a family violence case. That of course he says he will get out of.😒 He always puts me down when he’s mad. I can’t even get my nails done because its a problem although its my money. He never hands me anything i won’t even ask him for 5 dollars because he will ask for what! I can’t do ANYTHING! I feel so suffocated and we’ve only been together for 2 years.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 31, 2018 at 6:31 pm

      It sounds as though you are in an abusive relationship. Take this time to strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. End this relationship before you or your child is hurt or suffers a traumatic experience. If he abuses you again, then call the police. Best of luck, Helped!

  5. Avatar


    March 22, 2017 at 5:02 am

    When I was very young, i was with a very controlling guy, my parents weren’t helpful. I was dictated clothes to wear, people I was allowed to see. I upset him at a party, I saw a TV thrown into a mirror! I escaped!
    You are beautiful, you’ve beautiful minds, love yourselves, LEAVE!

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 22, 2017 at 8:36 am

      You are absolutely right, Charli. If you are in a situation like that, the best thing you can do is leave and not look back. Thanks for commenting, Charli!

  6. Avatar


    February 26, 2017 at 1:57 am

    It’s really crazy what I am living. I am living in a such of relationship for almost 7 years. In all those years my life has been a mess. I met him 7 years, ago while I was still student. We were in the begining of the relationship, we barely knew each other and of course, I went home to my parents which were living in other city to spend Christmas Holiday. After 3 weeks of relationship he came after me. It seemed a bit weird for me…but I didnt have any idea of controlling behaviour… I took it as LOVE. Too bad. Years passed, and I was not allowed to do normal things: like going out with my best friend, always wear what he wants, always do what he wants, despite what I want. He says “you always dress like crap”, “i dont like that how u did your hair”, etc. But, i have to mention something. All these years, he lived and still lives with his parents. For the last 3/4 years, I ask him to make a bank credit togheter and buy a house, get married, and have family. He always tells me he will never to do this. “Or I respect his rules, or he will leave me”. First of all, his parents are amaizing ppl, but I want to have my own space, my own intimacy. He doesnt want a life with me. Now I am on the way to start to buy a house for myself, because I live with my best friend and I am paying rent for almost 9 years, since I started university. And I need stability in my life, I need something for myself, I am 27yrs old. Cant continue like this a whole life. I work to have a normal, decent life. My parents help a lot with this. Last weeks I told him “look my parents can help us, lets do something togheter”, and he says “no, i dont want, you come and leave with me at my parents, I *** on what you want”. I felt hurt, and continue to be with him. Also, now he tries to separate me from my mother, saying that “dont you see that your mother wants to spend money on a credit, she doesnt love you.” And then he says… “i love you”. My parents accepted him, my parents asked themselves why we are not getting married…my parents want me to see me happy and married. But HE never wants us to make oficially our relationship. He also abused me verbally, and still does it… I NEED an advice… I feel so bad that after 7 years…I got to live this. Plus he never wants a child. He wants nothing. You probabily ask now… why hadn’t you leave him earlier? Along the time, he did all this bad to me…but on the other hand, he helped with some other things… But right now, I need him to be togheter for real in our house and he doesnt wish this. Anyway, I will start the process of buying a house… but what will I be doing with him? It’s …aweful all this situation… .

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 26, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      Leave him. He is abuse in numerous ways. Do not further your relationship with him. Do not buy a house with him. He will only get worse with time. You do not need him in your life. Take this time to become closer with your friends and your family. Speak with your friends and family about your desire to leave the relationship and seek their support. Best of luck, Sunnie!

  7. Avatar


    February 10, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    My boyfriend likes to tell me what and how to do things but I really love him . He doesn’t like when I go out with my friends and family and always telling me that I’m cheating on him . He have cheated on several times and also make me deleted my Instagram account don’t want me on any social media … What do you think I should do? Leave him ?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 11, 2017 at 10:20 am

      Leave him. If he has cheated on you, then that is reason enough to leave him. If he is assuming that you are cheating on him, then that is a sign that he is cheating on you. If he is controlling your actions, then he is not someone that you want to be with. Keep these three things in mind for your future relationships. There is no reason to talk it through with him. Simply end your relationship. Have a great day, Shelly!

  8. Avatar


    December 27, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    Hi and I was searching for answers, I have a boyfriend that I love very much and my mistake is that do to me loving him much I come out of control when he puts me down just because he feels like it, when that happens I tend to get out of my mind and want to punch him,also I get out of control because I really don’t deserve his way of treating me because I don’t do anything bad to himand its come to a put that ive lost my respect as a person because I don’t allow him to offend me just because. please give me an advise, I am not a disrespectful person he gets me like that and then he tells me that I am acting crazy when he is the one offending me for no reason.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 28, 2016 at 11:05 am

      When you are both in a calmer state of mind, it may help if you tell him how you feel. Explain that you do not want to “act crazy” or get upset, but he offends you sometimes without meaning to. Try to stay open, calm and avoid getting defensive in the conversation. If he can manage to do the same, perhaps you guys will be able to open up a dialogue about better ways to treat each other and talk in your relationship. Good luck, Susan!

  9. Avatar


    December 8, 2016 at 2:00 am

    The guy that I am hanging out with does not possess all the signs as mentioned above, but he always wants to hang out with me and does not like when I tell him, I would like to go out with my friends when he is not around. I really do enjoy his company, however, sometimes I fear whether I am going blind not knowing his true character. I am an introvert and don’t have many friends which are an advantage for him. he always says he cares and loves me so much, yet he knows that I don’t love him or do not feel the same. I am quite sure i do not want to make him as my life partner. Dont know what to do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 8, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      If you are not sure that you want to make him your life partner, then be certain to not make him your life partner. If you feel comfortable with doing so in the future, then do so. However, there is no reason for him to not want you to hang out with your friends. There may be a trust issue. Speak directly and honestly with him about your feelings. Determine what you want to do in your relationship after you have had a full conversation with him. Best of luck, Oddz!

  10. Avatar


    December 12, 2014 at 10:23 am

    Hi there that is so true that it is signs of being controlling. I also have a partner that is somewhat controlling and I have taken back my life and will make my own decisions. We are not even married and he wants to control my finances and tel me what to buy and cannot buy. I gave him permission yes to invest my finances and thought it will help him to be in control of the finances but he just takes over. He does give me money for little things I want to buy but there were more important things as buying a new bed and instead he used the money to buy junk. I want my freedom back and I got it and I am sticking to it. No man will ever work with my finances again. I mean how embarresssing to ask your boyfriend for money for airtime. It is my salary. I can put airtime on when I want. I am a woman of 30 and he is a boy of 25. I am a mother of a child age 7 now a child wants to rule my life. I can also never speak my mind. I am not aloud to otherwise I back chat him. I am not a child to be told I can’t speak my mind. That utter nonsens. Get out while you can controlling men also become abusive. Luckily my boyfriend was not abusive but controls my thoughts and my mind. can make up my own mind

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 17, 2015 at 4:42 am

      That sounds like a terrible experience, Chianti. Are you still in that relationship? If you are still with him, you should start trying to separate your finances and strike out on your own. You do not deserve a boyfriend like that, and it is time to make a change. If he does get abusive, make sure to get help. There are plenty of shelters, programs and scholarships that are intended to help women who are trying to turn their lives around and escape from an abusive relationship. Get help so that you can start living a safer, happier life.

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