What To Do If Your Parents Don’t Like Your Boyfriend

By on April 8, 2015

Is your heart being pulled in two directions because your parents disapprove of your boyfriend? This is a common problem given that there are so many different ways to perceive life and you can use these tips to hopefully help your situation. Stay positive and be kind to everyone in this situation as you go through this process.


1.Don’t Take It Personally

First of all, let’s talk about how you’re feeling. We know this is not an ideal situation to be in however the silver lining is that you can grow to become a better person as you work to resolve this. The more kindness and love you can bring to everyone in this situation by having compassion for their viewpoints, the more you will be able to understand how they are feeling and not feel angry towards your boyfriend or towards your parents. We know that this can cause a lot of fights between you and your parents as well as you and your boyfriends so look at this as an opportunity to use love to be accepting and considerate instead of letting your words further poison the relationships between you all. Remember, your boyfriend’s feelings will be hurt so if you’re mad about how he behaved, hold your tongue and don’t kick him while he’s down.


2.Talk About It But Stay Calm

First let yourself calm down so you don’t say anything in a reactive way. Try to speak to your parents about why they feel that way. Remember, sometimes they may have logical reasons and sometimes they may be making assumptions. If your parents usually give sound judgment, then be willing to hear them out to be sure you haven’t overlooked something. Sometimes my parents or close friends were able to see things I shouldn’t have overlooked. If your parents are the type to put a lot of pressure on you to make money, chances are they will reject a guy who is still finding his way or just starting out. Remember, if we are transitioning our careers, we wouldn’t want to be judged for how much or little money we had right? Try to listen to your parents and then think realistically if their points have any footing or if they are just trying to control your life. At the end of the day, they can’t control your decisions and should be willing to let you make your own choices. If they are not budging, then a little tough love might be necessary.


3.Prep Your Boyfriend About How To Act

If you’re madly in love with this guy, do your best to tell him what your parents are like and how they might be different than other people’s parents. If you’re parents are offended by swearing, tell him to make sure to watch the way he speaks. If your parents are really conservative ask him not to touch you when they are around. Of course you should always avoid PDA around others for the most part anyway because it can really make people uncomfortable unless your friends are more easy going. If you know he is an outspoken liberal and your parents are unbudging republicans, tell him to avoid talking politics at all costs.


4.Talk Positively About Him

Your instincts when you get in a disagreement with your boyfriend will be to run to your parents and tell them everything but this is not really a good idea unless you’ve ended the relationship because if they already don’t like him, they will really hate him if you talk bad about him. Just share the nice things he does for you and for others with them. Also share his accomplishments with them because you’re proud of him. If he inspires you, share that too!


5.See If Your Parents Are Right

It’s important to take some serious reflection to consider your parents reasons why they don’t like him. If they don’t like him because he has a criminal record, can’t hold a job and never shows appreciation, they may be on to something dear. Remember to take a step back and just try to look at things realistically to make sure your excitement about the relationship isn’t clouding your vision.


6.Try to Get Them To Lighten Up

You can always approach this with a lighthearted attitude when you talk to your parents. Remind them that just because someone is different, it doesn’t mean they are bad. Tolerance is important and seeing everyone as equals is important too. If they are religious and he’s not meeting their standards, let them know how he was raised and explain why you feel he is still a good person. Remind them that there are many different perspectives and ask them if they ever held a different perspective about life than they do now.


7.Let Them Get To Know Him Over Time

Try not to stress about it too much and let them get to know him over time. Bring him around (if they will allow that) and invite them to do things with the two of you. Remind them not to say things that will offend your boyfriend too. See if they can get to know each other through some shared experiences. Give him the opportunity to impress them by maybe cooking for them, treating them to dinner or helping fix something at their house.


8.Be Willing To Respect Them

Try not to let this ruin your relationship with your parents. It’s important to respect their viewpoints and sometimes agree to disagree if you don’t feel they are being fair. Remember boyfriends can be temporary but parents will be there if you break up.


9.See From Their Eyes

In order to maintain peace in this situation, do your best to see from your parents eyes and from your boyfriend’s eyes. This will allow you to sympathize with each of them so you can communicate about this in a mature way. The more compassion we have for each other, the more likely we are to resolve issues. On the other hand, the more we try to force things by bullying people or getting angry, the less our chance of a positive resolution. We do have the ability to give ourselves a better chance.


10.See if He Wants To Make An Effort

This is a good opportunity to let your boyfriend show he is confident and that he is willing to show how much he cares for you. Maybe he can request to talk to your parents. Talking can often times resolve issues when they are faced head on instead of talked about behind peoples’ backs. They will probably respect him for making a bold move to try to make this work.


11.Get The Parents Together

You may want to try to get the parents together for dinner or for a picnic. This can often help to smooth things over and get people to lighten up. Plan something that is neutral and won’t create a fight about who is paying. Try to be considerate of everyone’s eating preferences and maybe cook dinner for them or pack a picnic so there’s no awkward moment when the bill comes. Try not to make one couple travel too far either, find a middle meeting area.


12.Put More Energy Into Resolving It

Sometimes things just take more effort than you’re used to. You might need to make this a focus instead of pushing it aside to resolve it. Your boyfriend will really appreciate it and if your parents see you’re not backing down and it’s really important to you, they may change try to give him a chance. Remember, it’s hard to change people and you might have to accept that they just aren’t going to like him. Afterall it’s a relationship between you and him.


13.Find Their Common Interests

It can help to put some thought into what common interests they share. Maybe it’s a sport, a cause, a type of food or a place in the world. There are so many things we can find common ground about no matter how different we are and it helps to create positive relationships when we focus on them. Try to bring up those things when you’re hanging out.


14.Don’t Feel Overwhelmed by Guilt

Please don’t let guilt overwhelm you. If your parents tend to be on the controlling side, they may try to make you feel bad about what you’re doing. This is an opportunity for you to create healthy boundaries for yourself by voicing your opinion when you feel they are overstepping their parenting role. Be kind but direct and remind them that you have to learn things on your own sometimes.


15.If You’re Parents Are Protective, Show Them You’re Responsible

Finally, if you have been irresponsible in the past and they are being protective, do things to show them you’re responsible like coming home early, not partying too much and joining community volunteer groups. The more you can show them you’re mature and able to make good decisions, the more likely they are to trust your judgement.


Hopefully you’re able to breathe a little easier after reading this and have some ideas to go ahead and try out. Keep your head and keep smiling because a positive attitude can really go a long way.


  1. Avatar


    October 8, 2019 at 7:08 pm

    Hello, I have been dating this guy for 4 years and I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff going on in my life right now and my boyfriend made a post on fb about me and how he wishes people would stop criticizing me. He didn’t tag anyone, he didn’t mention anyone’s name, he didn’t do anything like that, but my stepmom called me and asked me if it was about her and I told her that she was one of the ones that feel are criticizing me, but he didn’t say she was I did. I apologized and my boyfriend deleted the post and has tried to apologize, but they will not let him. They liked him before all of this and now they are ignoring his apologies and they aren’t letting him come over to our house just to apologize. This has happened in every relationship I’ve had and this is like the kiss of death for a relationship. But the thing about this relationship is, it’s different and I actually see a future with this guy. He’s a good provider and a good guy in general. Would never hurt and the times he has hurt me (emotionally never physically) he has apologized for his mistakes and has made strides in fixing his behavior. No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect, but he is a good guy and I just want my parents to realize that and just be happy I have found someone who cares about me and wants to take care of me. I just want things to be back to the way it used to be before he made a stupid Facebook post that put our relationship on the line.

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 1, 2020 at 1:52 pm

      It seems that you need to take this time to determine what is viable for the future of this relationship. It is important that you do not nourish a relationship with someone who makes you feel emotionally unsafe. Take this time to determine what you feel is appropriate for the future. If you need to speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, then be certain to do so.

  2. Avatar

    Opal Fybryn

    August 31, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    Hey, so… here’s the thing: my mom is my best friend, I love her to the moon and back. My boyfriend is the sweetest person and she adores him very much too. Well, recently he mentioned he wants to do mission work – I believe it’s healthy he does – but my mom is furious and refuses to talk to him or even associate with him now. I try to talk and reason and hear her out… but she just gets angrier.

    I don’t want to change my boyfriend, I’m glad he’s doing the work. I think that it’s healthy he wants to help! My mom I understand where she’s coming from when not wanting me hurt… I’m her daughter and best friend.
    I want these three things: to have my mom happy again with my relationship, support my boyfriend in his dream, and find a way for the intensity to die down.

    He’s a good guy: never cheated, no roaming eyes, supports me and takes care of me. Balances a friendship with the relationship. He helps others. He’s funny. Playful. And yes I know he has bad traits too, but don’t we all?

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 1, 2019 at 10:25 pm

      You, your mother, and your partner share a strong relationship. Your mother’s anger may be a manifestation of her knowledge that mission work sometimes leads to the end of the relationship. It seems that your partner is respectful and may be interested in maintaining a lifelong relationship with you. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Ask your mother if the three of you can have a discussion about your mother approving his mission work. Have a great day, Opal!

  3. Avatar


    October 9, 2018 at 1:12 am

    Hey. I have this problem. I’ve been together with a guy for like 9 months and my parents really liked him until a few days ago. My parents got upset at him because they think he’s possessive, imposing and with a lot of guts and they told me they don’t think i can put up with his character…this happened because my boyfriend told them (my parents)that we should celebrate our parents’ birthdays together, in the same day, at my parents’house and a few days ago they said they can’t organize the party anymore because of the current financial situation. My boyfriend kind of got upset, and then my parents got upset especially cause they felt like he self invited at their house and because we weren’t able to understand. Now my dad doesn’t want to talk to him and he’s really upset with him…i really don’t know how to handle this situation…

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 9, 2018 at 11:22 pm

      Your partner is upset with your family. If you live with your parents, then it would be wise to accept their decision. If you see a future with your partner in spite of these challenges, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Ensure that you are nourishing a relationship with someone that you can develop a strong relationship with. Have a great day, Ayumi!

  4. Avatar


    July 27, 2018 at 2:13 am

    Hi there, so yup, the post kinda related to me a lot.

    The main reason why my parents disapproved him just because he is my ex-boyfriend’s little brother.

    For them, having a relationship with him is like dragging me back to my old ex life. And they still don’t believed that I’d moved on from my ex. And the reason I’m into his little brother, because he is much different (better) than my ex. Of course, my parents will sticks to their points without giving a second chance due to my failed past relationship.

    BTW, I did asked about this to some of my friends, but most of them weren’t figured out to solve.

    Hopefully, you’ll help me out n I am glad to hear it from you.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 27, 2018 at 9:40 pm

      Your parents have shared their thoughts and feelings with you. They have a point, and they may not want to see you go through similar emotional turmoil. They are also aware of how this relationship may cause various stresses in your life. Take this time to determine what type of relationship you want at this time. Perhaps speak with your parents again, and give them an opportunity to share their reasons with you. Have a great day, Sham!

  5. Avatar


    January 15, 2018 at 8:07 pm

    So, long story short my mom hates my boyfriend. I mean I don’t really know what to say….I really like him and see the potential in him but my mom does not. She only see’s the bad in people. So we’ve been dating for over 2 years and the first 6 months of our relationship was a mess. He did not treat me well and I felt like I was second to him. Finally after many discussions he smartened up and has improved A LOT since then. Unfortunately my mom only sees him as what he was a year and a half ago and she don’t trust him. Keep in mind my parents are super strict and have strict rules like a curfew and no going in the upstairs and there must be parents home when you’re with one another.He doesn’t really tend to wanna listen to their rules either and thinks there ridiculous. I don’t know what to do because I know my parents are strict but I do respect them and know they want the best for me but I really like him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 15, 2018 at 9:01 pm

      Your parents have years of experience and are aware of the actions that a young couple may take when together. They are not interested in you maintaining a relationship with him. Take this time to determine what relationship is more important to you. If you live with your parents, then you may find benefit in speaking directly and honestly with them about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Lizzie!

  6. Avatar


    April 15, 2017 at 4:45 am

    This is sort of similar to me?
    My parents don’t approve of the guy I’m seeing.
    1) he’s an ex-friend’s ex boyfriend (we haven’t been friends for a long time) so that’s not a problem, nobody else sees an issue with it.

    2) The ex-friend always said he only ever wanted sex and he was a jerk, but I haven’t seen anything like this in the time I’ve been seeing him. My parents won’t listen to my side and my view of him, they’re sticking to “we don’t like him or approve of him” and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t feel like I can talk to them about him because they get so distant and cold whenever I do. I don’t know what to do. Please helppp!!

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 15, 2017 at 11:20 am

      You may want to get advice from your other friends. They may be able to help you see him in another light. Your parents may have a reason for wanting you to not develop a relationship with him. It is also possible that they simply want you to remain single at this time. Try to have your parents meet his parents. This could help your relationship be more accepted. Have a great day, Lucy!

      • Avatar


        April 17, 2017 at 3:28 am

        Thank you, this has helped!

        But why would they want me to remain single? And they have judged him without even meeting him – they keep comparing him and his family to my ex boyfriend and his family but they haven’t even met the new guy’s parents. I don’t understand why they would have such an issue if they haven’t met him yet??

        • web admin

          web admin

          April 17, 2017 at 10:20 am

          They may want you to remain single because their own personal feelings about relationships. They may feel that you should not date anyone at this time. You may want to speak with them about their reasoning. Ask them if they do not like your current partner or if they would prefer you to remain single. This will help you in the future. Have a great day, Lucy!

  7. Avatar


    January 24, 2017 at 9:00 am

    Hii, my situation is somehow similar to this,iam dating this since past 8 years and want to marry him but my parents are against it because he is less educated than me and incomes somehow low but he’s a great guy and I really love him don’t know how to handle this situation

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 24, 2017 at 10:15 am

      You are the one who has to live with your husband forever, not your parents. If you love him and he is an excellent partner for you, then marry him. While it would be nice for your parents to approve of the person that you marry, it is more important that you marry someone that you can actually spend your life with. If your parents love you and want what is best for you, they will ultimately have to learn to accept your choice in a partner.

  8. Avatar


    August 12, 2016 at 7:44 am

    This is just similar to the topic. But I am in this situation where I don’t know if my mom or parents in general would be happy with me dating a guy a year younger than me. I just turned 18 in July and he just turned 17 in June. So I just graduated HS and he is now a senior in HS. We started talking like late April and We became good friends quickly. And he had asked me to hang out on a Saturday, so I asked my mom. It was the first time I had ever asked my mom to hang out with a guy even though he’s a friend. And she began grilling me with questions which is normal I believe in that circumstance. But when I told her his age because at the time he was still 16 and I was 17 she became very apprehensive and told me no unless I asked my dad and that she rather have me wait until he turned 17. And I was not going to ask my dad because things would’ve gotten worse. So I just left it. We ended up being busy that Saturday anyway. I didn’t think it made sense since she told me I can hang out with all the friends I wanted And have all the friends I wanted. But she didn’t want me to Hang out with him cause he’s a year younger. But she let my 13 year old brother hang out with a girl at the mall alone. So it doesn’t make sense to me as why she’s more strict on me when I’m older and way more responsible. fastforward to know I have decided to give him a chance and now that we’re talking more serious now. I’m starting to think how to tell my parents one day or mention it to them one day that I have a boyfriend and he’s a year younger if we even make it to be boyfriend and girlfriend. She told me I could get a boyfriend at 17 many many times. I’m 18 now but I feel as if she’s still very hesitant to let me go out and date guys and get a boyfriend. A year difference is nothing at all, I know for sure her parents did not act that way when my mom was dating my dad. She was 19 and he was 25. And her parents were definitley very strict based off all the stories I’ve been told by her and my grandparents. So I just want to know what I should do or how I should handle this since I am 18 and should be able to make my own decisions but still respect my parents

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 12, 2016 at 8:11 am

      It would be most wise for you to speak with your parents, and possibly his parents, about the idea of the two of you dating regardless of the age difference and the legal consequences that may apply. If your parents are the kind of people who would be more accepting if his parents said that they would approve of your relationship, then it may be wise to speak with his parents first so they can convince your parents. However, and most importantly, you are an adult now, and as an adult you do not need to ask permission from your parents to date someone. Your parents need to respect you as an adult and not prevent you from acting in accordance to your wishes. Respect is a two way street and you are an adult and should be treated like such.

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