What To Do If Your Parents Don’t Like Your Boyfriend
Is your heart being pulled in two directions because your parents disapprove of your boyfriend? This is a common problem given that there are so many different ways to perceive life and you can use these tips to hopefully help your situation. Stay positive and be kind to everyone in this situation as you go through this process.
1.Don’t Take It Personally
First of all, let’s talk about how you’re feeling. We know this is not an ideal situation to be in however the silver lining is that you can grow to become a better person as you work to resolve this. The more kindness and love you can bring to everyone in this situation by having compassion for their viewpoints, the more you will be able to understand how they are feeling and not feel angry towards your boyfriend or towards your parents. We know that this can cause a lot of fights between you and your parents as well as you and your boyfriends so look at this as an opportunity to use love to be accepting and considerate instead of letting your words further poison the relationships between you all. Remember, your boyfriend’s feelings will be hurt so if you’re mad about how he behaved, hold your tongue and don’t kick him while he’s down.
2.Talk About It But Stay Calm
First let yourself calm down so you don’t say anything in a reactive way. Try to speak to your parents about why they feel that way. Remember, sometimes they may have logical reasons and sometimes they may be making assumptions. If your parents usually give sound judgment, then be willing to hear them out to be sure you haven’t overlooked something. Sometimes my parents or close friends were able to see things I shouldn’t have overlooked. If your parents are the type to put a lot of pressure on you to make money, chances are they will reject a guy who is still finding his way or just starting out. Remember, if we are transitioning our careers, we wouldn’t want to be judged for how much or little money we had right? Try to listen to your parents and then think realistically if their points have any footing or if they are just trying to control your life. At the end of the day, they can’t control your decisions and should be willing to let you make your own choices. If they are not budging, then a little tough love might be necessary.
3.Prep Your Boyfriend About How To Act
If you’re madly in love with this guy, do your best to tell him what your parents are like and how they might be different than other people’s parents. If you’re parents are offended by swearing, tell him to make sure to watch the way he speaks. If your parents are really conservative ask him not to touch you when they are around. Of course you should always avoid PDA around others for the most part anyway because it can really make people uncomfortable unless your friends are more easy going. If you know he is an outspoken liberal and your parents are unbudging republicans, tell him to avoid talking politics at all costs.
4.Talk Positively About Him
Your instincts when you get in a disagreement with your boyfriend will be to run to your parents and tell them everything but this is not really a good idea unless you’ve ended the relationship because if they already don’t like him, they will really hate him if you talk bad about him. Just share the nice things he does for you and for others with them. Also share his accomplishments with them because you’re proud of him. If he inspires you, share that too!
5.See If Your Parents Are Right
It’s important to take some serious reflection to consider your parents reasons why they don’t like him. If they don’t like him because he has a criminal record, can’t hold a job and never shows appreciation, they may be on to something dear. Remember to take a step back and just try to look at things realistically to make sure your excitement about the relationship isn’t clouding your vision.
6.Try to Get Them To Lighten Up
You can always approach this with a lighthearted attitude when you talk to your parents. Remind them that just because someone is different, it doesn’t mean they are bad. Tolerance is important and seeing everyone as equals is important too. If they are religious and he’s not meeting their standards, let them know how he was raised and explain why you feel he is still a good person. Remind them that there are many different perspectives and ask them if they ever held a different perspective about life than they do now.
7.Let Them Get To Know Him Over Time
Try not to stress about it too much and let them get to know him over time. Bring him around (if they will allow that) and invite them to do things with the two of you. Remind them not to say things that will offend your boyfriend too. See if they can get to know each other through some shared experiences. Give him the opportunity to impress them by maybe cooking for them, treating them to dinner or helping fix something at their house.
8.Be Willing To Respect Them
Try not to let this ruin your relationship with your parents. It’s important to respect their viewpoints and sometimes agree to disagree if you don’t feel they are being fair. Remember boyfriends can be temporary but parents will be there if you break up.
9.See From Their Eyes
In order to maintain peace in this situation, do your best to see from your parents eyes and from your boyfriend’s eyes. This will allow you to sympathize with each of them so you can communicate about this in a mature way. The more compassion we have for each other, the more likely we are to resolve issues. On the other hand, the more we try to force things by bullying people or getting angry, the less our chance of a positive resolution. We do have the ability to give ourselves a better chance.
10.See if He Wants To Make An Effort
This is a good opportunity to let your boyfriend show he is confident and that he is willing to show how much he cares for you. Maybe he can request to talk to your parents. Talking can often times resolve issues when they are faced head on instead of talked about behind peoples’ backs. They will probably respect him for making a bold move to try to make this work.
11.Get The Parents Together
You may want to try to get the parents together for dinner or for a picnic. This can often help to smooth things over and get people to lighten up. Plan something that is neutral and won’t create a fight about who is paying. Try to be considerate of everyone’s eating preferences and maybe cook dinner for them or pack a picnic so there’s no awkward moment when the bill comes. Try not to make one couple travel too far either, find a middle meeting area.
12.Put More Energy Into Resolving It
Sometimes things just take more effort than you’re used to. You might need to make this a focus instead of pushing it aside to resolve it. Your boyfriend will really appreciate it and if your parents see you’re not backing down and it’s really important to you, they may change try to give him a chance. Remember, it’s hard to change people and you might have to accept that they just aren’t going to like him. Afterall it’s a relationship between you and him.
13.Find Their Common Interests
It can help to put some thought into what common interests they share. Maybe it’s a sport, a cause, a type of food or a place in the world. There are so many things we can find common ground about no matter how different we are and it helps to create positive relationships when we focus on them. Try to bring up those things when you’re hanging out.
14.Don’t Feel Overwhelmed by Guilt
Please don’t let guilt overwhelm you. If your parents tend to be on the controlling side, they may try to make you feel bad about what you’re doing. This is an opportunity for you to create healthy boundaries for yourself by voicing your opinion when you feel they are overstepping their parenting role. Be kind but direct and remind them that you have to learn things on your own sometimes.
15.If You’re Parents Are Protective, Show Them You’re Responsible
Finally, if you have been irresponsible in the past and they are being protective, do things to show them you’re responsible like coming home early, not partying too much and joining community volunteer groups. The more you can show them you’re mature and able to make good decisions, the more likely they are to trust your judgement.
Hopefully you’re able to breathe a little easier after reading this and have some ideas to go ahead and try out. Keep your head and keep smiling because a positive attitude can really go a long way.