What Does It Mean When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone?

By on November 18, 2017

What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone? Are they your true love? A friend? Or just someone you really should get over?

The truth is there are a million reason why we might think of someone, but let’s have a look at some of the more common reasons.

If you can't stop thinking about someone

Falling in Attraction

There are various different reasons we’re attracted to someone. As someone wise once told me, there are five layers of attraction: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and sexual. If you like someone’s body and mind, you may feel very attracted to them, you can’t stop thinking about them, but getting to know them you might very well realize that they will never satisfy you emotionally.

There are also ways of making people attracted, both women and men tend to fall for people whom they have to work for a little bit (as it proves the person won’t just go for anyone and people are drawn to a challenge), people who have other people interested in them and people who are overall confident and happy.

Unfortunately we also tend to fall for people who prove our not so pleasant thoughts about life and love to be true; a reflection of our wounds if you so like.

In other words, you really need to check why you think you’re attracted to someone. Even if it’s a mutual match on all levels, you also have to build a sustainable relationship.

Whatever the case, whatever the form of attraction you feel, and especially if you feel you have to work to get someone, you’ll be thinking about them.

Trying to Figure Something Out

This sometimes falls into the above category, but we tend to think about people who we can’t figure out. They appear a little bit mysterious to us, whether we’re blinded by attraction, or simply can’t work them out.

At other times, we’re simply trying to figure out how to make someone like us…that can lead to a lot of thoughts too. Like what dress to wear, what to say, what to do…but really, be yourself, learn people skills, focus on creating a great life for you and chances are the right person will like you!

A Wounded Soul

Ever met someone who was generally charming, but who had a dark side, or a problem? And you wanted to solve that problem, didn’t you? Heal their wounds. Make them feel better. You might even have excuse just about any negative action they took, because you pitied them and you wanted to be their savior.

Beware, your only job in a relationship/friendship is to love someone. There are professionals who can deal with healing peoples’ minds. Taking that job upon yourself, unless you truly really are a support pillar in their life and that’s what you want to be, only leads to an unhealthy relationship.

A Wounded Ego

Ever had someone do something that slightly hurt your feelings, or made you feel like you needed to prove yourself to them? Like that irritating person who always came first place and you second? Or that guy who hurt your feelings by rejecting you and now you want to prove that you’re so great at dating other guys that he will get the hint that he doesn’t matter?

This is a trap! An ego trap. What matters in your life is you having fun, you challenging yourself mentally and physically to get better at things, you doing what you love. Screw what other people are thinking and screw your ego’s need to put itself in a perceived superior position. When your ego says you have to prove yourself, you have to look better than someone else, or whatever it is it feels you need to do, tell it to shut up and go do something that really matters instead. You will be so much happier if you start listening to your heart instead of your ego.

Anger

It happens we think a lot about someone, not only because they hurt us, but because we’re angry about it and we never told them. If you want to tell them, do so. Speak from the heart, make them see the pain (an angry outburst will only lead to them attacking you in return, or defending themselves). If you don’t want to talk about it, let it go. Realize they did wrong, your part in it (if any) and move on. Stand up for yourself as you move forward, even if you can’t do much about the current/past situation, but don’t hold onto grudges. As the saying goes: when you forgive someone you let a prisoner free: you.

And if you ever want proof of what good it does to stand up for yourself when angry and letting it go once it’s past, read Curing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno. It’s an incredible insight into what suppressed emotions can do to us.

Why can't I stop thinking about the person

A Distraction

Do you have a lot going on in your life right now? If so, maybe thinking about that one kiss with that one guy, is a lot easier than thinking about whatever is going on? Sometimes thinking a lot about someone is simply a decoy; we’re thinking about them because we don’t want to think about ourselves, or some aspect of our lives.

A Connection

As mentioned in the first point about falling in attraction, we have different connections with all sorts of different people. When we meet someone we have a connection with, mental, emotional, or otherwise, we tend to think about them because we’re curious. Sometimes these connections turn out to be really helpful ones, at other times we’re drawn to people who have similar wounds as ourselves, or people who see life in the same dysfunctional manner we do. At other times we are annoyed because someone has a similar flaw to ourselves and we think they don’t hide it well enough, or don’t suffer as much pain from it as we do.

The best connections, of course, are the people whom we can share wonderful experiences with us because they understand us in a way that’s helpful to us.

What to Remember When Thinking of Someone 

If you are thinking about someone a lot, stop and ask yourself why. Get curious. Be open to finding out what’s really going on. Then work on finding balance. We all lose our senses a little bit when we fall in love, or get really angry, enjoy the love and sort out the anger, but do other things to. Things like hardcore exercise, time with friends, time in nature, focusing on work, watching great movies, eating good food, etc. all have a way of balancing the chemicals in our brain. Enjoying a connection with a friend, or partner, is great, but you don’t want to overly focus on someone else. You want to enjoy all aspects of your life.

175 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Kair

    May 28, 2020 at 6:52 pm

    Why i missing my crush even since 3 year??? I tried everything but she suddenly pop ups in my head during the day time!!! I am [email protected] with this feeling. She liked me and always be around me while exercising and wants me to notice her ..i rejected her but after that day she never came and i changed my home due to job but still she came into my mind.. i never ever ask her out why its happening???

  2. Avatar

    cassidy cahill

    April 13, 2020 at 2:59 am

    okay so a long time ago, me and this boy have been on and off. we were never actually dating, just had feelings and all. he asked me out and he told me loved me. I wanted to be with him but I didn’t at the same time. It had been 3+ years and I still didn’t know. he finally moved on. well I have this lifelong best friend and he just asked me out a few weeks ago. I’m having the same issue with him that I had with the other person. It’s like I don’t know what I want at all and I’ve been thinking for days and days about it. I am not really sure what it means or what to do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 13, 2020 at 3:52 pm

      Take this time to determine what you want for the future. It is clear that the two of you care about each other. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Nourish your relationship by spending additional time with him in person. You should act soon, otherwise he may feel uncertain about your feelings toward him.

  3. Avatar

    Snesh

    December 15, 2019 at 12:10 pm

    Im in a relationship for 3 and a half years but seem to be attracted to this guy that stays in my area, we click at whatever topic we talk about and he makes me laugh. I cant stop thinking of him & all look forward to seeing him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 5, 2020 at 10:41 am

      You are in a relationship, so allow thoughts of this other person to fade. Nourish your relationship with your partner by spending additional time together in person.

  4. Avatar

    salsa

    December 7, 2019 at 5:00 am

    Few days back, I do have a physical connection suddenly with my colleague after that I’m continuously thinking about that and we didn’t even discussed about what really happened. I want to know that only I’m thinking about him or he is also thinking about me. Please help me in this.

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 13, 2020 at 7:56 pm

      There is no way to know how he is thinking unless you just talk to him or are really good at reading body language. If you like him and you think it is possible that he might like you back, try making a move, tell him how you feel and see what happens. Good luck!

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