What Does It Mean When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone?

By on November 18, 2017

What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone? Are they your true love? A friend? Or just someone you really should get over?

The truth is there are a million reason why we might think of someone, but let’s have a look at some of the more common reasons.

If you can't stop thinking about someone

Falling in Attraction

There are various different reasons we’re attracted to someone. As someone wise once told me, there are five layers of attraction: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and sexual. If you like someone’s body and mind, you may feel very attracted to them, you can’t stop thinking about them, but getting to know them you might very well realize that they will never satisfy you emotionally.

There are also ways of making people attracted, both women and men tend to fall for people whom they have to work for a little bit (as it proves the person won’t just go for anyone and people are drawn to a challenge), people who have other people interested in them and people who are overall confident and happy.

Unfortunately we also tend to fall for people who prove our not so pleasant thoughts about life and love to be true; a reflection of our wounds if you so like.

In other words, you really need to check why you think you’re attracted to someone. Even if it’s a mutual match on all levels, you also have to build a sustainable relationship.

Whatever the case, whatever the form of attraction you feel, and especially if you feel you have to work to get someone, you’ll be thinking about them.

Trying to Figure Something Out

This sometimes falls into the above category, but we tend to think about people who we can’t figure out. They appear a little bit mysterious to us, whether we’re blinded by attraction, or simply can’t work them out.

At other times, we’re simply trying to figure out how to make someone like us…that can lead to a lot of thoughts too. Like what dress to wear, what to say, what to do…but really, be yourself, learn people skills, focus on creating a great life for you and chances are the right person will like you!

A Wounded Soul

Ever met someone who was generally charming, but who had a dark side, or a problem? And you wanted to solve that problem, didn’t you? Heal their wounds. Make them feel better. You might even have excuse just about any negative action they took, because you pitied them and you wanted to be their savior.

Beware, your only job in a relationship/friendship is to love someone. There are professionals who can deal with healing peoples’ minds. Taking that job upon yourself, unless you truly really are a support pillar in their life and that’s what you want to be, only leads to an unhealthy relationship.

A Wounded Ego

Ever had someone do something that slightly hurt your feelings, or made you feel like you needed to prove yourself to them? Like that irritating person who always came first place and you second? Or that guy who hurt your feelings by rejecting you and now you want to prove that you’re so great at dating other guys that he will get the hint that he doesn’t matter?

This is a trap! An ego trap. What matters in your life is you having fun, you challenging yourself mentally and physically to get better at things, you doing what you love. Screw what other people are thinking and screw your ego’s need to put itself in a perceived superior position. When your ego says you have to prove yourself, you have to look better than someone else, or whatever it is it feels you need to do, tell it to shut up and go do something that really matters instead. You will be so much happier if you start listening to your heart instead of your ego.

Anger

It happens we think a lot about someone, not only because they hurt us, but because we’re angry about it and we never told them. If you want to tell them, do so. Speak from the heart, make them see the pain (an angry outburst will only lead to them attacking you in return, or defending themselves). If you don’t want to talk about it, let it go. Realize they did wrong, your part in it (if any) and move on. Stand up for yourself as you move forward, even if you can’t do much about the current/past situation, but don’t hold onto grudges. As the saying goes: when you forgive someone you let a prisoner free: you.

And if you ever want proof of what good it does to stand up for yourself when angry and letting it go once it’s past, read Curing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno. It’s an incredible insight into what suppressed emotions can do to us.

Why can't I stop thinking about the person

A Distraction

Do you have a lot going on in your life right now? If so, maybe thinking about that one kiss with that one guy, is a lot easier than thinking about whatever is going on? Sometimes thinking a lot about someone is simply a decoy; we’re thinking about them because we don’t want to think about ourselves, or some aspect of our lives.

A Connection

As mentioned in the first point about falling in attraction, we have different connections with all sorts of different people. When we meet someone we have a connection with, mental, emotional, or otherwise, we tend to think about them because we’re curious. Sometimes these connections turn out to be really helpful ones, at other times we’re drawn to people who have similar wounds as ourselves, or people who see life in the same dysfunctional manner we do. At other times we are annoyed because someone has a similar flaw to ourselves and we think they don’t hide it well enough, or don’t suffer as much pain from it as we do.

The best connections, of course, are the people whom we can share wonderful experiences with us because they understand us in a way that’s helpful to us.

What to Remember When Thinking of Someone 

If you are thinking about someone a lot, stop and ask yourself why. Get curious. Be open to finding out what’s really going on. Then work on finding balance. We all lose our senses a little bit when we fall in love, or get really angry, enjoy the love and sort out the anger, but do other things to. Things like hardcore exercise, time with friends, time in nature, focusing on work, watching great movies, eating good food, etc. all have a way of balancing the chemicals in our brain. Enjoying a connection with a friend, or partner, is great, but you don’t want to overly focus on someone else. You want to enjoy all aspects of your life.

154 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Noha

    August 14, 2019 at 4:44 pm

    i had a dream about one of my relatives a year ago … I am 37 years old he 1 year older we werent eveb friends i didnt really feel comfortable arround him he was the handsome arrogant guy we didnt even talk anyways he got married , had kids and lives abroad one year ago i had a dream that i hugged him tight and we are totally in love i woke up feeling weird like we dont even like each other
    Days ago he came back in a visit the family went out fof lunch once we met ye hugged me i hugged him tight i felt attracted to him he went back and i cant Stop thinking about him

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 15, 2019 at 3:50 pm

      Your thoughts are of your relative. It is acceptable for you to think about him. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with him. The two of you are family members, so continue to nourish a familial relationship with him. Have a great day, Noha!

      • Avatar

        Noha

        August 15, 2019 at 4:53 pm

        I dobt get ur reply actually ! My thoughts of my relative are romantic sexually it came suddenly i am attracted to a married man who will never even think about me ! We dont even talk !

  2. Avatar

    Sara

    August 2, 2019 at 12:51 pm

    We knew each other through Twitter & we were only friends & we only talk about Religion, life our adventures,..etc. But after nearly one month I kept thinking about him all the time and I hated it bcoz it was very distracting!! So I tried to stop getting in touch with him completely but whenever I do, something happens, one time we met by coincidence, and one time I get a text from him, therefore, I decided to text him only after 1-2 months and it got better the first few weeks but then I kept missing him. Therefore, I decided to meet him face to face as that might make things clearer to me. In the meeting i was very comfortable with him & we had fun but I didn’t get an answer of why I keep missing this person. So I confessed to him but he said that he actually has a phobia from relationships and it’s better to remain friends, even tho he said we could meet up more to know if we can be in a relationship or not. So we decided to be friends and it didn’t hurt me at all. After the confession, he barely come into my mind ( for only one month). We are still very close but the story started again, I keep thinking about him and bcoz of that I try not to text him for at least 2-3 months.I really don’t know if i’m In love with him or this is only infatuation??

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 2, 2019 at 9:21 pm

      The two of you shared a strong social relationship and made the decision to meet each other in person. You came to the agreement to simply remain friends with each other. You decided that you didn’t want to text him for the last three months. You do not love him, but you certainly care for him. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with him, as this will nourish your friendship. Have a great day, Sara!

  3. Avatar

    Saloni verma

    July 31, 2019 at 10:43 am

    I honestly love him alot… Actually we were in a relationship for only 2 months but I have strong feelings for him…. And I can’t stop thinking about him… And I have guts feeling that he misses me too but he doesn’t accept it…is my guts feeling true?? Is there any chances that we can be together again

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 31, 2019 at 3:58 pm

      Your thoughts are reflections of your emotional relationship with your ex. It is certainly possible that he has similar feelings for you as well. Make a decision about what you want for your future. Determine what you believe is appropriate and viable. If you think that it would be beneficial to reach out to him, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If not, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Saloni!

  4. Avatar

    Lola

    July 25, 2019 at 6:45 pm

    The first time we met was in 10th grade. I was the awkward shy girl in the class , nobody talked to me except for him. He would sit next time and have small talks with me. Never felt anything towards him at the time, he was just a friend for me nothing else. But after we graduated from high school, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It’s getting worse a year after a year. It has been 5 years now and it won’t leave my head. I am losing my mind. We have texted couple times and he was so sweet. I still have his phone number, I know that he’should only one text away because he always reply when I text him and we always text for plenty of hours. We don’t text a lot though, maybe once in six months. Help me please! Am I attracted to him or do I love him. And do you think he shares the same feelings. Tell me what should I do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 26, 2019 at 9:48 pm

      It is clear that you feel a strong social relationship with him. It is certain possible that he is interested in maintaining a relationship with you. Make a decision about what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Lola!

  5. Avatar

    Lina Robinson

    June 25, 2019 at 6:59 pm

    I have a friend who has only seen this guy a few times and she finds him very attractive. They smile and say hi to each other when they see one another. One day she seen him from a distance and he was gazing at her for a good 10 seconds until he broke gaze and looked down. She can’t get him out of her head and feels kind of silly. But until now if she sees him she gets a rush. Do you think it’s just a crush or that she’s simply attracted to him?

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 26, 2019 at 4:17 pm

      She is certainly attracted to him. If she wants to maintain a relationship with him, then she may have a crush on him. Her feelings are perfectly normal and appropriate. She should make a decision about what she wants for the future of this relationship. She should speak with him about her thoughts and feelings, and nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Lina!

  6. Avatar

    Kair

    June 16, 2019 at 6:21 pm

    How to get over this feeling ? I tried alot to distract myself from that girl of over a year but couldn’t.. what should i then??

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 16, 2019 at 9:56 pm

      It is possible that you are interested in maintaining a relationship with this person. Make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. If you feel that it would be appropriate to reach out to this person, then do so. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Kair!

      • Avatar

        Kair

        June 17, 2019 at 2:14 am

        I don’t know I watch movies and many more things. For a certain time its ok i feel good she never came into my mind i also spent time with my family but suddenly somehow she came into my mind. I had a relationship before 3 to 4 girls but within a week i forget all of them but this girl i haven’t ask her out even. Now I already moved to another city and living here more than year. I think she missing me?? I also looking for another girl to distract from her but still when I think about another girl she came into my mind?? How to get rid of this situation??

        • web admin

          web admin

          June 17, 2019 at 9:05 pm

          You are living in another city. It seems that you need to make a decision about what is appropriate and viable for the future of this relationship. Determine what you want for your future. If you want to maintain a relationship with him, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If not, then determine what you want for your future without him. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Kair!

  7. Avatar

    Glenda

    June 9, 2019 at 4:09 pm

    I meet this guy las year I saw him once , it is incredible how I was attracted to him and I feel the same, there was a beautiful connection between us I never feel something like this before , well we never see each other again but we just text a couple of times then we stop texting,,, i just can’t take him out of my head I tried and tried but I just can’t what is worse is that every time I think of him it makes me feel happy excited and I feel like he is thinking of me. I just can’t any monte I am going crazy I try to stop this but is just seen impossible 😩. Is been a year already and it seens to get worse

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 9, 2019 at 9:38 pm

      It has been a year since the two of you have spoken. It is clear that you are not interested in speaking with him. If you think about him in the future, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Make a decision about what you want for your future without this person. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. This will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Glenda!

  8. Avatar

    Cheesy

    June 8, 2019 at 7:05 pm

    Hi. We’ve met online and its just been 3weeks and were talking everyday! When Im at work i cant stop thinking about him whenever were not talking I think about him. He tells me also that he always think about me and he’s very vocal about it. I dont know should I just let things go on its own i dont know I am overthinking I am scared were like oceans apart.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 9, 2019 at 8:14 pm

      The two of you share a strong social relationship. If you are interested in nourishing this relationship, then make a decision to do so. Attempt to spend time with him in person, if possible, as this will nourish your relationship. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy toward you. Have a great day, Cheesy!

  9. Avatar

    Alicia

    June 6, 2019 at 11:48 am

    I met this overseas guy while working and I got attracted to him. But when he asked for my namecard, i did not have any. Now I keep thinking about him everyday because we never exchange any contact details. What should I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 6, 2019 at 7:32 pm

      The two of you did not exchange contact information. Determine if you believe that you are going to see him again. Decide if allowing your thoughts to dwell on him is appropriate regarding the viability of the future of this relationship. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Alicia!

  10. Avatar

    Gem

    June 4, 2019 at 6:20 am

    I’m having a bit of a dilemma, I have been with my partner for nearly 8 years and due to get married in a few months, but I have met someone at work texting then constantly meeting up a few times in the past 3 months, they have a partner aswell and have decided to cut things off due to work and they are off sick at the moment but I can not stop thinking about this person and having dreams about them every night, but not supposed to be talking to them or anything and they are back next week, what do I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 4, 2019 at 11:05 pm

      You are currently engaged. You are aware that this person at work is also in a relationship. It seems as though there is nothing to think about. Allow thoughts of this person to fade. Focus your emotional energy on your current partner. Do not purposefully harm the relationship of someone else. Nourish your current relationship by spending additional time in person with your partner. Have a great day, Gem!

  11. Avatar

    Someone

    May 15, 2019 at 9:10 am

    I met this girl who I thought was really nice and I thought we could be good friends. We exchanged social media accounts and I was kind of in awe she wanted to follow me because she is really popular on insta. I’ve never hung out with her but after that I started seeing her at more party’s. I would usually just say hi and bye. I later found out at another party that she was dating one of my really good friends and I was kinda in shock because i thought it was a rumor but I was really happy for my friend. My friend told me the day after, that she and her girlfriend did some crazy things at that party. She told me so much, I was overwhelmed. What they did was both bizarre and gross. Since then I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that girl. I’ve stalked her insta and everything. It’s annoying. I can’t stop think of her because I don’t know how I feel about her. I wondered if I liked her but I couldn’t list reasons why I liked her like I could do with my former crushes. Other than the fact that she’s nice and kinda attractive. There is definitely an attraction there that I can’t exactly pinpoint. Please help me find some closure:)

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 15, 2019 at 10:02 pm

      You are attracted to her, and you are thinking about the rumors that you heard regarding her actions. She is in a relationship, so make a decision about what you want for your future without her. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Someone!

  12. Avatar

    LaLa

    May 15, 2019 at 7:14 am

    I met this girl who I thought was really nice. We exchanged social media accounts and I felt like we could be good friends. Shes very popular on insta and I was kinda in awe that she wanted to follow me. I’ve never hung out with her before but now ever since I’ve met her I’ve seen her around at more and more party’s. I just found out she was dating one of my good friends and was kinda in shock cause I thought it was just a rumor but happy for my friend. One day my friend was drunk and told me all this crazy stuff about her and her girlfriend and more crazy things they were doing at this party. It was so bizarre and gross but since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking of that girl. I’ve been stalking her insta and everything. It’s annoying. I’ve wondered the possibility if I liked her but I can’t list a bunch of things I like about her like I can list about my former crushes. I think about her because I’m not sure how I feel about her. I don’t know her well but there’s some type of attraction there that I can’t pinpoint. Why can’t I stop thinking about her. Please give me some closure.

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 15, 2019 at 9:59 pm

      You are attracted to her, and you are thinking about the rumors that you heard regarding her actions. She is in a relationship, so make a decision about what you want for your future without her. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Lala!

  13. Avatar

    Eric Del

    April 13, 2019 at 12:42 am

    I met a boy that came into my job. It was an electric connection. I am gay in a relationship, he was single and straight. Anyhow, he gave me his # and we hung out. We kissed one time and a little more. We talked nearly everyday for a year and a half. We would sit in my car and talk for hours. It eventually fell apart when he got a gf and felt the need to lie about her. We stopped talked completely after a bad falling out. It is going on nearly two years since we last spoke and yet I’ve thought of him everyday since. I’m not being dramatic in any way, i have thought of him every day (some more than others) but everyday. I went through the cycle of guilt, anger, sadness, somewhat acceptance. I try to remember the good memories because the bad ones put in me in a very bad mood. I don’t know why I still think of him so much.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 13, 2019 at 10:04 pm

      The two of you had a strong social and emotional connection with this person. Something happened, and the two of you decided to part ways. If you are in a relationship at this time, then determine what you want for your future without him. If both of you are single and you think it would be appropriate to reach out to him, then do so. Have a great day, Eric!

  14. Avatar

    Gada

    March 28, 2019 at 2:07 am

    in the last year of my high school New chemistry teacher comes and we start talking like teacher and student , after graduation we been so close to each other , we become a friends and then really close sisters . Ishe the first one gave me this love and attention, we have been chatting 24 hours and we hang out together. every single thing I do she know about it . after that I go to college and she continue in my old school. and we start less talking . now we have been 2 weeks not talking and i can’t stop thinking about her . she always in my mind and I always imagine that she around me and start hugging the pillow imagine that I’m hugging her . all the time talking loud imagine that she will hear me and reply and laughing together. and that make me look crazy laughing and talking and hugging NO ONE . only my imagination.

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 28, 2019 at 11:38 pm

      Your relationship is built on history and a social connection that you have been maintaining. It sounds as though the two of you may be interested in nourishing this relationship. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with her about your thoughts and feelings. Spend additional time with her in person, as this will nourish your relationship. Have a great day, Gada!

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