What Does It Mean When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone?

By on November 18, 2017

What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone? Are they your true love? A friend? Or just someone you really should get over?

The truth is there are a million reason why we might think of someone, but let’s have a look at some of the more common reasons.

If you can't stop thinking about someone

Falling in Attraction

There are various different reasons we’re attracted to someone. As someone wise once told me, there are five layers of attraction: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and sexual. If you like someone’s body and mind, you may feel very attracted to them, you can’t stop thinking about them, but getting to know them you might very well realize that they will never satisfy you emotionally.

There are also ways of making people attracted, both women and men tend to fall for people whom they have to work for a little bit (as it proves the person won’t just go for anyone and people are drawn to a challenge), people who have other people interested in them and people who are overall confident and happy.

Unfortunately we also tend to fall for people who prove our not so pleasant thoughts about life and love to be true; a reflection of our wounds if you so like.

In other words, you really need to check why you think you’re attracted to someone. Even if it’s a mutual match on all levels, you also have to build a sustainable relationship.

Whatever the case, whatever the form of attraction you feel, and especially if you feel you have to work to get someone, you’ll be thinking about them.

Trying to Figure Something Out

This sometimes falls into the above category, but we tend to think about people who we can’t figure out. They appear a little bit mysterious to us, whether we’re blinded by attraction, or simply can’t work them out.

At other times, we’re simply trying to figure out how to make someone like us…that can lead to a lot of thoughts too. Like what dress to wear, what to say, what to do…but really, be yourself, learn people skills, focus on creating a great life for you and chances are the right person will like you!

A Wounded Soul

Ever met someone who was generally charming, but who had a dark side, or a problem? And you wanted to solve that problem, didn’t you? Heal their wounds. Make them feel better. You might even have excuse just about any negative action they took, because you pitied them and you wanted to be their savior.

Beware, your only job in a relationship/friendship is to love someone. There are professionals who can deal with healing peoples’ minds. Taking that job upon yourself, unless you truly really are a support pillar in their life and that’s what you want to be, only leads to an unhealthy relationship.

A Wounded Ego

Ever had someone do something that slightly hurt your feelings, or made you feel like you needed to prove yourself to them? Like that irritating person who always came first place and you second? Or that guy who hurt your feelings by rejecting you and now you want to prove that you’re so great at dating other guys that he will get the hint that he doesn’t matter?

This is a trap! An ego trap. What matters in your life is you having fun, you challenging yourself mentally and physically to get better at things, you doing what you love. Screw what other people are thinking and screw your ego’s need to put itself in a perceived superior position. When your ego says you have to prove yourself, you have to look better than someone else, or whatever it is it feels you need to do, tell it to shut up and go do something that really matters instead. You will be so much happier if you start listening to your heart instead of your ego.

Anger

It happens we think a lot about someone, not only because they hurt us, but because we’re angry about it and we never told them. If you want to tell them, do so. Speak from the heart, make them see the pain (an angry outburst will only lead to them attacking you in return, or defending themselves). If you don’t want to talk about it, let it go. Realize they did wrong, your part in it (if any) and move on. Stand up for yourself as you move forward, even if you can’t do much about the current/past situation, but don’t hold onto grudges. As the saying goes: when you forgive someone you let a prisoner free: you.

And if you ever want proof of what good it does to stand up for yourself when angry and letting it go once it’s past, read Curing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno. It’s an incredible insight into what suppressed emotions can do to us.

Why can't I stop thinking about the person

A Distraction

Do you have a lot going on in your life right now? If so, maybe thinking about that one kiss with that one guy, is a lot easier than thinking about whatever is going on? Sometimes thinking a lot about someone is simply a decoy; we’re thinking about them because we don’t want to think about ourselves, or some aspect of our lives.

A Connection

As mentioned in the first point about falling in attraction, we have different connections with all sorts of different people. When we meet someone we have a connection with, mental, emotional, or otherwise, we tend to think about them because we’re curious. Sometimes these connections turn out to be really helpful ones, at other times we’re drawn to people who have similar wounds as ourselves, or people who see life in the same dysfunctional manner we do. At other times we are annoyed because someone has a similar flaw to ourselves and we think they don’t hide it well enough, or don’t suffer as much pain from it as we do.

The best connections, of course, are the people whom we can share wonderful experiences with us because they understand us in a way that’s helpful to us.

What to Remember When Thinking of Someone 

If you are thinking about someone a lot, stop and ask yourself why. Get curious. Be open to finding out what’s really going on. Then work on finding balance. We all lose our senses a little bit when we fall in love, or get really angry, enjoy the love and sort out the anger, but do other things to. Things like hardcore exercise, time with friends, time in nature, focusing on work, watching great movies, eating good food, etc. all have a way of balancing the chemicals in our brain. Enjoying a connection with a friend, or partner, is great, but you don’t want to overly focus on someone else. You want to enjoy all aspects of your life.

97 Comments

  1. Maithli

    December 8, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    I met this guy 6 years ago after few months i started to like him then he become my crush nd i thinking about him every day but I never told him about my feelings you know what 2 years ago he was told me that he liked me too before & still likes i didn’t believe that I’m so happy but i don’t why I told him that it’s too late now i don’t love him anymore & say don’t u dare to met me or call me even i blocked him on WhatsApp because i wanted to forget him since then he never met call or reply me since then I never stop thinking about him I remember everything he says to me…
    Plz tell what should I do? Why Can’t I able to stop thinking about him? Why his words recall in my mind? Why i started thinking about him anytime at anywhere? I can’t focus on anything i guess blocking him was really a huge mistake now i regret it..my friend talk to him about me one week ago but he said its nothing like that he doesn’t like me what does it mean Is he really doesn’t like me or what? Can I talk him or not? I don’t know what stopping me to talk I’m really confused Plz tell me now what should I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 8, 2018 at 5:30 pm

      Your told him that you did not love him. You then decided to block him. He doesn’t like you because of your behaviors. It is likely that you seriously damaged this relationship. Learn your lesson from this experience. Apply this knowledge to your future relationships. You will find benefit in not behaving in this manner in the future. Have a great day, Maithli!

  2. China

    December 5, 2018 at 6:53 am

    I been knowing this guy since highschool so over 10 years we never dated or talked back then. He’s been reaching out to me for years and I always looked the other way until recently I have him a chance. He stays far away but he came to visit me. We kicked it and had a wonderful time he kept asking about my future and where I see myself but I was being very immature and didn’t open up to him. We had sex which was great he asked me to come to Atlanta with him and then fly to California with him but I didn’t go because I couldn’t. Since he went home I’ve reached out but got no reply. I’ve been thinking of him soo much I don’t know what to do. I want to surprise him and get a plane ticket to come see him but since he’s not responding to my text I’m scared.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 6, 2018 at 10:07 pm

      He is not responding to your texts. This may be because he feels as though you rejected him because you did not join him. He should understand that you were unable to do so. If he continues to ignore you, then allow thoughts of him to fade. If he responds to you, then perhaps speak with him about your thoughts of visiting him. Attempt to communicate with him, but if he ignores you, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, China!

  3. Sad

    November 21, 2018 at 3:53 pm

    Hi
    This guy hurt me in my twenties ( we never dated but I think he knew I liked him and blew me off) and now I’m in my late 30s and i see him all time. He never says hi to me unless I say hi to him. I really think he hates me and I don’t know why? I’m obsess and I can’t move on.
    I have sooooo many questions for him but it would be inappropriate for me to ask them as we are both married with families.
    My biggest question is WHY? Why weren’t u interested in me? What’s wrong with me that you couldn’t love me?
    Just writting them to you now I’m sad
    I’m sad that I still care after 20 years
    What do I do
    I really don’t know how to move on
    No one ever affected me like he did and does still does.
    Please give me advise because I will always see him
    He will always be my circle (community)
    How do I move on while seeing him everyday?

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 22, 2018 at 9:43 pm

      You are aware that he is not interested in maintaining a relationship with you. He does not owe you anything and he has no responsibility to explain his feelings to you. Determine what you want for your future without him. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Spend additional time with other people who are in your life. Have a great day, Sad!

  4. Maria Lourdes

    November 19, 2018 at 7:21 pm

    I saw this guy in my cousin’s funeral a year ago. Only to find out he’s a friend of my late cousin through thorough search on social media. I was very happy to stalk on his account and see pictures of him. From then on, I was starting to realize that I cannot stop thinking about him. I cant stop visiting his page as i go online. He became my one of my inspiration to do better in all I do. Im just wondering why I cant stop thinking about him when I haven’t even talked to him. I dont know. Its an odd feeling. It felt like I really want him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 20, 2018 at 7:23 pm

      There may be various reasons for these thoughts. You have met him before, so your attraction may have influenced your current behaviors. If you feel comfortable doing so, then add him on social media. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Ensure that you are honest in your words. It is certainly possible that he will react in a positive manner to your social behaviors. Have a great day, Maria!

  5. Anjali

    November 10, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    There is this boy in my class who has been my crush for 7 years and now we are in 12 grade. We have finally become really good friends. But there is a sudden change in my emotions. I want him now. Firstly I didn’t thought about him so much but now he can’t get off my mind. Sometimes he shows some confusing emotions like they are love signals but sometime I don’t get him. He is the person that is like I adore him. I can’t forget him neither I can come over him. I love him. What should I do? Can’t stop thinking about him.

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 12, 2018 at 9:08 pm

      The two of you share a strong social and emotional relationship. You share a long history. You are aware that your lives are changing. You are attracted to him, and his behaviors may be indications that he is attracted to you as well. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. It is likely that he shares similar feelings for you. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with him at all times. Have a great day, Anjali!

  6. ANonymus

    November 9, 2018 at 7:34 pm

    I moved 2 years ago from where I used to live. Gr.5, I started to like a guy, and he’s still in my mind right now. I thought that I’ve moved on, but I haven’t. When I think about boys, he’s the first to come to my mind. I honestly can’t get him out of my head. I can’t really talk to him anymore, and he see’s me as a good friend. I hope we will meet in the future, and I fantasize a lot about what our future would be like, or if he was here with me. I just can’t move on and I don’t know what to do.

    He’s also said that he liked me, but wished to remain friends, which I accepted because I didn’t want to make him comfortable.
    Honestly, I can’t help it but think of him.
    I can’t move on.

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 12, 2018 at 12:15 am

      You are unable to nourish a romantic relationship with him because of the distance between the two of you. You share a strong emotional and social connection with him. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with him. Your relationship may flourish in the future. For now, determine what you want for your future without him. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with him at all times. Have a great day, Anon!

  7. Unknown

    November 7, 2018 at 7:24 am

    I was talking to a girl online and someday she told me that she cares alot about me but she feels like I don’t. So i started showing her my feeling and did like hell alot of thing just for her , thinking about her every 2 minutes and what should i do got me tired so i went to her and told her about me thinking alot and dreaming everyday of her
    She rejected that and all what i keep thinking about now why wud she reject ?
    What am i supossed to do !
    I asked her again and she rejected me again
    The proplem here is when ever i try to just over her she comes and tell me that im a very important person to her and that i changed her , but she rejected me again …
    I just can’t distract my min
    My mood is up to her
    If she’s good to me am happy
    If she’s rejecting me i just dont care about life any more
    I feel like i really do love her and that got me to see her as the most beautiful woman at the planet but she doesn’t really care but she says the opossite..

    I can’t stop thinking i am thinking about her 1000 times a day .

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 7, 2018 at 9:08 pm

      You feel a strong emotional connection with her. She has informed you that she is not interested in nourishing a relationship with you. If you respect her, then you accept her desires. If you continue to ask her, then she may avoid you in the future. Share your kindness and compassion with her, as this will strengthen your relationship. Determine what you want for your future without her, at least for now. Have a great day, Anon!

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