What Does It Mean When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone?

By on November 18, 2017

What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone? Are they your true love? A friend? Or just someone you really should get over?

The truth is there are a million reason why we might think of someone, but let’s have a look at some of the more common reasons.

If you can't stop thinking about someone

Falling in Attraction

There are various different reasons we’re attracted to someone. As someone wise once told me, there are five layers of attraction: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and sexual. If you like someone’s body and mind, you may feel very attracted to them, you can’t stop thinking about them, but getting to know them you might very well realize that they will never satisfy you emotionally.

There are also ways of making people attracted, both women and men tend to fall for people whom they have to work for a little bit (as it proves the person won’t just go for anyone and people are drawn to a challenge), people who have other people interested in them and people who are overall confident and happy.

Unfortunately we also tend to fall for people who prove our not so pleasant thoughts about life and love to be true; a reflection of our wounds if you so like.

In other words, you really need to check why you think you’re attracted to someone. Even if it’s a mutual match on all levels, you also have to build a sustainable relationship.

Whatever the case, whatever the form of attraction you feel, and especially if you feel you have to work to get someone, you’ll be thinking about them.

Trying to Figure Something Out

This sometimes falls into the above category, but we tend to think about people who we can’t figure out. They appear a little bit mysterious to us, whether we’re blinded by attraction, or simply can’t work them out.

At other times, we’re simply trying to figure out how to make someone like us…that can lead to a lot of thoughts too. Like what dress to wear, what to say, what to do…but really, be yourself, learn people skills, focus on creating a great life for you and chances are the right person will like you!

A Wounded Soul

Ever met someone who was generally charming, but who had a dark side, or a problem? And you wanted to solve that problem, didn’t you? Heal their wounds. Make them feel better. You might even have excuse just about any negative action they took, because you pitied them and you wanted to be their savior.

Beware, your only job in a relationship/friendship is to love someone. There are professionals who can deal with healing peoples’ minds. Taking that job upon yourself, unless you truly really are a support pillar in their life and that’s what you want to be, only leads to an unhealthy relationship.

A Wounded Ego

Ever had someone do something that slightly hurt your feelings, or made you feel like you needed to prove yourself to them? Like that irritating person who always came first place and you second? Or that guy who hurt your feelings by rejecting you and now you want to prove that you’re so great at dating other guys that he will get the hint that he doesn’t matter?

This is a trap! An ego trap. What matters in your life is you having fun, you challenging yourself mentally and physically to get better at things, you doing what you love. Screw what other people are thinking and screw your ego’s need to put itself in a perceived superior position. When your ego says you have to prove yourself, you have to look better than someone else, or whatever it is it feels you need to do, tell it to shut up and go do something that really matters instead. You will be so much happier if you start listening to your heart instead of your ego.

Anger

It happens we think a lot about someone, not only because they hurt us, but because we’re angry about it and we never told them. If you want to tell them, do so. Speak from the heart, make them see the pain (an angry outburst will only lead to them attacking you in return, or defending themselves). If you don’t want to talk about it, let it go. Realize they did wrong, your part in it (if any) and move on. Stand up for yourself as you move forward, even if you can’t do much about the current/past situation, but don’t hold onto grudges. As the saying goes: when you forgive someone you let a prisoner free: you.

And if you ever want proof of what good it does to stand up for yourself when angry and letting it go once it’s past, read Curing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno. It’s an incredible insight into what suppressed emotions can do to us.

Why can't I stop thinking about the person

A Distraction

Do you have a lot going on in your life right now? If so, maybe thinking about that one kiss with that one guy, is a lot easier than thinking about whatever is going on? Sometimes thinking a lot about someone is simply a decoy; we’re thinking about them because we don’t want to think about ourselves, or some aspect of our lives.

A Connection

As mentioned in the first point about falling in attraction, we have different connections with all sorts of different people. When we meet someone we have a connection with, mental, emotional, or otherwise, we tend to think about them because we’re curious. Sometimes these connections turn out to be really helpful ones, at other times we’re drawn to people who have similar wounds as ourselves, or people who see life in the same dysfunctional manner we do. At other times we are annoyed because someone has a similar flaw to ourselves and we think they don’t hide it well enough, or don’t suffer as much pain from it as we do.

The best connections, of course, are the people whom we can share wonderful experiences with us because they understand us in a way that’s helpful to us.

What to Remember When Thinking of Someone 

If you are thinking about someone a lot, stop and ask yourself why. Get curious. Be open to finding out what’s really going on. Then work on finding balance. We all lose our senses a little bit when we fall in love, or get really angry, enjoy the love and sort out the anger, but do other things to. Things like hardcore exercise, time with friends, time in nature, focusing on work, watching great movies, eating good food, etc. all have a way of balancing the chemicals in our brain. Enjoying a connection with a friend, or partner, is great, but you don’t want to overly focus on someone else. You want to enjoy all aspects of your life.

65 Comments

  1. Mk

    September 20, 2018 at 11:04 am

    My first love over 30nyears ago is constantly on my mind. I Facebook messages him a few times. We went back n forth. Then crickets. I guess I need to give up any hopes of a future with him. Hes divorced I’m married. Were in different states too. Just tired bnb of thinking about him…confused.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 20, 2018 at 9:25 pm

      These thoughts are reflections of your previous relationship with him. You are currently married, so allow thoughts of this other person to fade. He is not responding to you, which means he is unable or unwilling to nourish a relationship with you. This is likely because you are married. Focus your emotional energy on your current partner. If this relationship naturally ends, then then determine what you want for your future at that time. Have a great day, Mk!

  2. Robin

    September 14, 2018 at 5:21 pm

    I met this man 4.5 years ago. At the time he was an instructor in a class I was taking and i was married. I had developed a good friendship with him but never had a romantic relationship with him u util I was divorced about two years later. He moved 14 hours away and we have both been in and out of our own relationships all while maintaining a very close friendship and have dubbed each other our best friend. I have thought about him almost daily since meeting him and even love him. I care about his happiness first and foremost and as much as it would hurt me, I would be happy for him if he were to get into a relationship. He has told me multiple times that he loves me and has thought about me just as much. With our age differences it scaresbthe he’ll out of me to think a man 11 years younger than me could feel the same way as I do about him. With all of this said, HELP!

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 14, 2018 at 9:04 pm

      Do not allow the age difference between the two of you prevent a relationship from being nourished. If the two of you are not currently in relationships and are interested in maintaining a relationship together, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Attempt to visit him in person, as this may strengthen your relationship. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Robin!

  3. Tia

    September 14, 2018 at 12:19 pm

    I’m in a 6 year relationship that has not been going so well. I recently started messing around with my ex (who was my 1st). My ex has been my friend for over 15 years and we haven’t dated since high school, but when we see each other or hang out, its like we have the best connection. We can talk about anything and our sexual connection is out of this world. I started to get attached and broke off the fling because I wanted more, but my complicated situation didn’t make it any better. Mind you, my ex, does not want any attachments to anyone because he is enjoying his single life. I’m so lost because I think about him daily and all I want to do is be with him, but I know that it can’t happen right now, especially right now. I confused because I can’t tell if its love or just something I’ve been missing out on. Plus, I want to know if I’m having all of these feeling because he feel the same?

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 14, 2018 at 8:59 pm

      You are aware of the desires of your ex. The two of you have history, and he may not be interested in maintaining another long term relationship at this time. You may find that your relationship may strengthen as the two of you spend additional time together. Determine what you want for your future. Decide what you believe is viable. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Tia!

  4. Mauli

    September 12, 2018 at 7:54 am

    Hey dere. So, there is this guy whom i keep thinking about and now i ended up here. Actually, we have never met. We just got to know each other social medias. At first we saw each other at an poem creating app. We share the sane interests and thinking. Coming to the point, when we started talking, we were good. And after few weeks he told me that he likes me. And i liked him too. But from next few days he started ignoring me. I was hurt. I asked him about it and he told that he doesn’t want to hurt me and it isn’t possible, so we can’t be together. I was hurt but i understood. He got a girlfriend. That was hurtful but i got over with it. So one day..nearly 2 am in morning he replied to my insta story and started talking. I felt he wasn’t good and asked him about it. He told me that his gf cheated him and he was just trapped by her. I comforted him and talked to him for 3-4 hrs. That day he told that he sees me as his best friend. I was fine with that. But we stopped talking. I got moving with my life, got a boyfriend and other craps. Then after like few months, recently in july, he started hitting me up. Now he has got interested in talking and my life too. He wants me to talk to him. He is eager to know about my bfs and all. One day i asked if he wanted to confess or ask anything but can’t? He said, “nothing much.. its just that, i started loving you but i knew it wasn’t love, just an attraction”. I was like oh. And asked now? He didn’t say anything and asked if i wanted to? I told him that till february i didn’t felt good being far from you but i understood eventually. He asked now what does your heart feel? I said, why don’t you go first? He said that, he still feels something for me but he knows it isn’t love but an another feeling. Where as i told him that, i don’t feel anything good when you don’t talk to me but when thinking about it, i understand. He said that, he want us to be friends. And now, again he has stopped talking to me.
    I really don’t understand what’s happening? The thing he say, are true? He feels about me anything or not? I can’t get anything right.
    I love him now. He changed himself cause of me. He stopped flirting with others and other craps. He is a changed man now. So, what’s this situation is? What should i do? He is 24×7 in my mind.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2018 at 10:00 pm

      It sounds as though you may be in a relationship at this time. If you are maintaining a relationship with someone else at this time, then do not nourish a relationship with this person from your past. Determine what you want for your future. If you are available and want to develop a relationship with him, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Your relationship may be strengthened by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Mauli!

  5. V

    September 9, 2018 at 1:30 am

    I was thinking about him so much that I googled “When you can’t stop thinking about someone” and it lead me to this page. I see him almost everyday that I work. And we speak to each other as though we’re old friends but we really don’t know each other. I don’t think he knows my name. I don’t know his. A few days ago, he walked me to the front door of my job. We joked around for a bit, talked about trips we wanted to take, music we liked and concerts we wanted to go to and then he asked for my number. I froze. I didn’t think he saw me that way. I assumed he was just being friendly. Everyone likes him. Anyway, my response was you know where to find me… I was so nervous…Now it’s 4:21am and I haven’t been able to get him off my mind since Thursday… I keep looking at my phone wishing I had just given him number… I’ll see him again on Monday

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 9, 2018 at 9:12 pm

      You will see him again Monday. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Your constant thoughts about him may be an indication of your desires. You will strengthen your relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, V!

  6. Girlie123

    August 29, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    My best friend / kinda boyfriend, likes me and we kiss and make out and I think about him all the time because he’s so special to me, do I really love him ? Btw I’m head over heels for this teasing, romantic and loving boy

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 30, 2018 at 8:14 pm

      The two of you share a strong emotional and social connection. You feel as though you are interested in developing a relationship with him. You have shared physical experiences together. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Girlie!

  7. Anonym

    August 29, 2018 at 10:38 am

    Hello, there is this guy who i have had feelings for almost 3 years now. But we have never spoke, we see eachother when we have same classes. I feel like I have known him forever, I can’t stop thinking about him. My friends are reffering him as my man, But it is weird since we never talk. I am an introvert myself and I think he is too, But I feel like if he wanted me he would make sure that i know it. What should I do? I am so confused. I want him but I am affraid of rejection.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 29, 2018 at 3:35 pm

      It is certainly possible that he is introverted as well. He may have similar feelings toward you as well. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. You will strengthen your relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Anon!

  8. Melo

    August 22, 2018 at 8:48 am

    hello, I can’t stop thinking about her i never really paid much attention to her but these past few weeks when it was school holidays i was thinking about her alot i even dreamt about her and i couldn’t wait for the schools to open again. Why??

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 22, 2018 at 11:04 pm

      Your thoughts are reflections of your social and emotional connection with this person. Decide if you want to continue nourishing these thoughts. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with her about your thoughts and feelings. Give her an opportunity to share herself with you as well. If you don’t want to think about her, then allow these thoughts of her to fade. Have a great day, Melo!

  9. Alex

    August 17, 2018 at 11:38 pm

    There is this guy in my class whom many people find attractive. I guess I could pinpoint why, but I was never really interested; I didn’t think of him any differently from the other guys. That is until I greeted him ‘happy birthday’ by replying to an instagram story of his. He replied, we started talking, and then I realized we shared so many things in common. The conversation ended on a happy note and all I though was “oh, I made a friend.” Four days after that, I casually hit him up again, and we talked through chat. After talking to him for longer, I realize how much he reminds me of the guy I used to like, (we also shared the same interests), and that’s when it started. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. What was he doing, what other things does he like… I even daydreamed about him. The next day, I wanted to hit him up again but was afraid to (because I felt like I was getting clingy) so like a fool I posted some songs I liked, in hopes that he would see them and like them too. After an hour, he hit me up, talking about the playlist I posted. It drove me mad. My daydreams are getting worse, and they range from having the ultimate friendship with the guy and having perfect conversations with him, to plain fun, flirty situations. Also, now, when I see him at school, I hope he ‘sees’ me too. I even try to get closer to him, in hopes of starting a conversation with him. Please help? Why do I feel this way about him? Because honestly, I don’t even feel like I can acknowledge I have a crush on him. I barely know him, and he really even isn’t my type, as I mentioned earlier.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 19, 2018 at 9:17 pm

      You are interested in developing a relationship and it is possible that he has similar feelings for you. He reached out to you when you shared your music, so he may want to learn more about you. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps attempt to spend additional time with him as well, as this will strengthen your relationship. Have a great day, Alex!

  10. Lexi

    August 17, 2018 at 10:16 am

    Hello, I can’t stop thinking of this guy that I have never met before! I have only seen him through my friends Snapchat and Instagram pictures. When I think of him I get all nervous and I get butterflies in my stomach it’s driving me nuts! I also think of a future with us together and its super weird! WHY?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 17, 2018 at 1:56 pm

      The person in your dreams may cause these strong emotions to manifest. It is possible that he is a reflection of someone else in your life. You might want to develop a relationship with someone who is a friend of one of your friends, as this may help you maintain strong emotional relationships with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Lexi!

  11. Lexi

    August 17, 2018 at 9:38 am

    Hello, I can’t stop thinking about a guy that I have never met in my life. I have only seen him through my friends snap chat story, and Instagram pictures and now I cant stop thinking about him! Its driving me nuts! when I do think of him I get all nervous and butterflies in my stomach and start thinking of the future with him its weird! WHY?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 17, 2018 at 1:52 pm

      The person in your dreams may cause these strong emotions to manifest. It is possible that he is a reflection of someone else in your life. You might want to develop a relationship with someone who is a friend of one of your friends, as this may help you maintain strong emotional relationships with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Lexi!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *