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    What Does It Mean When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone?

    By on November 18, 2017

    What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone? Are they your true love? A friend? Or just someone you really should get over?

    The truth is there are a million reason why we might think of someone, but let’s have a look at some of the more common reasons.

    If you can't stop thinking about someone

    Falling in Attraction

    There are various different reasons we’re attracted to someone. As someone wise once told me, there are five layers of attraction: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and sexual. If you like someone’s body and mind, you may feel very attracted to them, you can’t stop thinking about them, but getting to know them you might very well realize that they will never satisfy you emotionally.

    There are also ways of making people attracted, both women and men tend to fall for people whom they have to work for a little bit (as it proves the person won’t just go for anyone and people are drawn to a challenge), people who have other people interested in them and people who are overall confident and happy.

    Unfortunately we also tend to fall for people who prove our not so pleasant thoughts about life and love to be true; a reflection of our wounds if you so like.

    In other words, you really need to check why you think you’re attracted to someone. Even if it’s a mutual match on all levels, you also have to build a sustainable relationship.

    Whatever the case, whatever the form of attraction you feel, and especially if you feel you have to work to get someone, you’ll be thinking about them.

    Trying to Figure Something Out

    This sometimes falls into the above category, but we tend to think about people who we can’t figure out. They appear a little bit mysterious to us, whether we’re blinded by attraction, or simply can’t work them out.

    At other times, we’re simply trying to figure out how to make someone like us…that can lead to a lot of thoughts too. Like what dress to wear, what to say, what to do…but really, be yourself, learn people skills, focus on creating a great life for you and chances are the right person will like you!

    A Wounded Soul

    Ever met someone who was generally charming, but who had a dark side, or a problem? And you wanted to solve that problem, didn’t you? Heal their wounds. Make them feel better. You might even have excuse just about any negative action they took, because you pitied them and you wanted to be their savior.

    Beware, your only job in a relationship/friendship is to love someone. There are professionals who can deal with healing peoples’ minds. Taking that job upon yourself, unless you truly really are a support pillar in their life and that’s what you want to be, only leads to an unhealthy relationship.

    A Wounded Ego

    Ever had someone do something that slightly hurt your feelings, or made you feel like you needed to prove yourself to them? Like that irritating person who always came first place and you second? Or that guy who hurt your feelings by rejecting you and now you want to prove that you’re so great at dating other guys that he will get the hint that he doesn’t matter?

    This is a trap! An ego trap. What matters in your life is you having fun, you challenging yourself mentally and physically to get better at things, you doing what you love. Screw what other people are thinking and screw your ego’s need to put itself in a perceived superior position. When your ego says you have to prove yourself, you have to look better than someone else, or whatever it is it feels you need to do, tell it to shut up and go do something that really matters instead. You will be so much happier if you start listening to your heart instead of your ego.

    Anger

    It happens we think a lot about someone, not only because they hurt us, but because we’re angry about it and we never told them. If you want to tell them, do so. Speak from the heart, make them see the pain (an angry outburst will only lead to them attacking you in return, or defending themselves). If you don’t want to talk about it, let it go. Realize they did wrong, your part in it (if any) and move on. Stand up for yourself as you move forward, even if you can’t do much about the current/past situation, but don’t hold onto grudges. As the saying goes: when you forgive someone you let a prisoner free: you.

    And if you ever want proof of what good it does to stand up for yourself when angry and letting it go once it’s past, read Curing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno. It’s an incredible insight into what suppressed emotions can do to us.

    Why can't I stop thinking about the person

    A Distraction

    Do you have a lot going on in your life right now? If so, maybe thinking about that one kiss with that one guy, is a lot easier than thinking about whatever is going on? Sometimes thinking a lot about someone is simply a decoy; we’re thinking about them because we don’t want to think about ourselves, or some aspect of our lives.

    A Connection

    As mentioned in the first point about falling in attraction, we have different connections with all sorts of different people. When we meet someone we have a connection with, mental, emotional, or otherwise, we tend to think about them because we’re curious. Sometimes these connections turn out to be really helpful ones, at other times we’re drawn to people who have similar wounds as ourselves, or people who see life in the same dysfunctional manner we do. At other times we are annoyed because someone has a similar flaw to ourselves and we think they don’t hide it well enough, or don’t suffer as much pain from it as we do.

    The best connections, of course, are the people whom we can share wonderful experiences with us because they understand us in a way that’s helpful to us.

    What to Remember When Thinking of Someone 

    If you are thinking about someone a lot, stop and ask yourself why. Get curious. Be open to finding out what’s really going on. Then work on finding balance. We all lose our senses a little bit when we fall in love, or get really angry, enjoy the love and sort out the anger, but do other things to. Things like hardcore exercise, time with friends, time in nature, focusing on work, watching great movies, eating good food, etc. all have a way of balancing the chemicals in our brain. Enjoying a connection with a friend, or partner, is great, but you don’t want to overly focus on someone else. You want to enjoy all aspects of your life.

    24 Comments

    1. ANON

      June 20, 2018 at 4:01 pm

      I’ve known this guy from uni since September and I really like him. I can never tell if he likes me back though. He sometimes replies to my text messages straight away but sometimes completely forgets to reply for days. He sometimes does little things that make me think he is interested but he asks about one of our mutual friends every time he sees me and he seems quite close to her too. my friends think he likes me but i am not completely convinced. I am not sure what to do.

      • web admin

        web admin

        June 22, 2018 at 11:20 am

        Your friend thinks that he likes you, which means that there is a strong chance that he does. He may be a shy person. He may have a variety of influences in his life which cause him to behave in a certain manner. Determine what you want for this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Anon!

    2. jojo

      June 5, 2018 at 1:06 pm

      There is this guy that i took to my grade 12 dance and i still can’t stop thinking about him. we met last year at a school social and he seemed pretty fond of me the social was once a week for three weeks and we socialized twice; on the last night he said i love you and we’ll see each other again. I couldn’t distinguish how he meant it. then i dm’ed him on instagram over the holidays and he replied but then stopped after a bit and i was waiting on his next reply. now into the beginning of this year i asked him to be my date to my dance and he eagerly replied yes. Pre-dance we were talking quite a bit and he seemed fond of me again then post dance it was one conversation that dragged for weeks until i just deleted his number altogether because he wasn’t putting in much effort to talk. Then i went to his school for a function and unexpectedly saw him with his mom (who i met at my dance). I tried not to look at him too much when i felt his gaze; after a while i briefly looked and it looked like he was covering his face from me. After that when i was sitting with my friends a couple of tables away he came to greet me and it was my birthday so he asked “howcome i didnt know it was your birthday?” i said “because you’re never on whatsapp” and he said “that’s because you never reply” and left like that. Fast forward a couple months on Saturday i saw him at his school at a rugby festival and everytime i mentioned his name with my friend he showed up out of the blue. I’m pretty sure he saw me at some points but didn’t come to me; I low’key wanted him to acknowledge me but he chose to look from afar and not say anything to me. I don’t know how i feel about him all I know is that he’s been on my mind since February and anything that has to do with him comes up all the time. I feel like he really doesnt like me but he’s given me mixed vibes so… I just want to know what his deal is or was.

      • web admin

        web admin

        June 5, 2018 at 3:53 pm

        It sounds as though the two of you may have wanted to nourish a relationship with each other. Each of you chose to behave in a certain manner, and that may have caused both of you to feel as though the other was not interested in maintaining a relationship with him. Neither or you reached out to the other person at the festival, so it is likely that you have both moved on. Determine what you want for your future at this time. Have a great day, Jojo!

    3. Annonamous

      May 31, 2018 at 2:27 am

      See ive been someome for 10 months and are relation ships going dead,i love him i really do, but he has so much shit hes been threw sm shit, his dad killed him self and he has suffered so much pain and messeary i wanted to be there for him i always try to help him but he dosent want help because hes a *boy* he started showing less intrest lately lile he dosent give a f*** he wouldnt even text me if i wasnt for texting him,i know ive to leave him, but hes the only boy ive ever loved so much but if you love someone u let them go right??

      • web admin

        web admin

        June 2, 2018 at 2:26 pm

        It sounds as though he has experienced trauma in his life and has made the decision to allow that trauma to influence him to treat you poorly. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he ignores you or treats you poorly, then end this relationship. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with the world. Have a great day, Anon!

    4. Dalaysia

      May 28, 2018 at 12:43 pm

      I think I am in love this guy from my school when im around him I get nervous and warm in the inside. I think about him all the time and when I see a truck like he has I just start blushing like crazy he like 3 years older then me but I don’t know how to tell him how I feel we have a lot of things in common I’m scared of rejection.

      • web admin

        web admin

        May 28, 2018 at 8:19 pm

        Your experiences are signs that you may be interested in developing a relationship with this person. Do not allow your age difference, unless there are legal problems, prevent you from nourishing a relationship with this person. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Dalaysia!

    5. MIchelin Dowel

      May 1, 2018 at 11:02 am

      I have this guy that has been interested in me for over a year and half. At the time I wasn’t I wasn’t looking for nothing serious. However we reconnected recently. I still wasn’t sure until me and him had a very long talk about life, wants, goals and desires for a relationship. Instantly he won my heart. It’s funny how one conversation about life can now have you over the heels for someone. I can’t stop thinking about him and smiling ( It tickles me) I can’t remember the last time that I had a “Love Jones” for someone and they had it back for me!

      • web admin

        web admin

        May 1, 2018 at 9:54 pm

        It sounds as though the two of you have developed a strong relationship. You are interested in developing a relationship with him, so spend additional time with him in person. Continue to share your thoughts and feelings. You will find that he will being acting in a more positive manner. Have a great day, Michelin!

    6. marie

      April 7, 2018 at 11:08 pm

      trying to figure someone out. i causally asked the guy his plans for the next day. he said not yet and asked if i want to ask him out. i just said if i come back early and we did not meet after that.

      we used to text frequently previously but the texting has decreased the past week. is he still interested?

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 8, 2018 at 9:21 pm

        It sounds as though the two of you are not making mutual efforts. If you want to spend time with this person, then do so. Determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to do so. Have a great day, Marie!

        • marie

          April 11, 2018 at 7:15 am

          thanks for your reply.

          i just asked him out already. however he said he maybe busy everyday and will let me know again.

          i guess he’s not really interested and making effort?

          we are still texting though.

          • web admin

            web admin

            April 11, 2018 at 9:37 pm

            It is possible that he is interested in developing a relationship with you. He has explained that he is busy. It is likely that he is telling you the truth. Determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Allow him to reach out to your first. Have a great day, Marie!

    7. Lisa

      March 15, 2018 at 3:52 am

      Currently in manipulative relationship…have a crush on old supervisor who is showing signs he likes me as much as i like him. Want to end manipulative relationship and go for crush..the person im with has no family here and no where to go…no job…no vehicle…nothing…any advice would b much appreciated…

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 15, 2018 at 9:29 pm

        Do not attempt to develop a new relationship with you are currently in a relationship. It is clear that you are not happy in this relationship. Your partner has chosen to abuse you and not respect you. End this relationship. After you do so, speak directly and honestly with your old supervisor about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Lisa!

    8. Charli

      December 8, 2017 at 5:04 am

      Yes, yes, I’m so in love with a guy and he saturates my thoughts!

      It’s true love!

      • web admin

        web admin

        December 8, 2017 at 9:06 pm

        Thank you for sharing your positive comment. Please feel free to share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Charli!

    9. mia

      December 4, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      i have a crush on a “player” but i have a friend her boyfriend used to be a player and they have been dating for 3 years now and i want my crush to stay committed if we date can you please help me:(

      • web admin

        web admin

        December 4, 2017 at 7:59 pm

        Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. It is possible for all people to change their behaviors. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Mia!

    10. naijang

      November 30, 2017 at 1:20 am

      that means am in love

      • web admin

        web admin

        November 30, 2017 at 10:05 pm

        Thank you for sharing your positive comment. Have a great day, Naijang!

    11. Please help

      November 21, 2017 at 10:37 am

      I dated a guy who I had a huge crush and was also a good friend and he broke up with me for no apparent reason. I was beyond broken because I really had feelings for this guy. He totally stopped talking to me, so I left it at that. My friend reached out and he told her he broke up with me because she was too involved in our relationship. After we broke up I never saw that winning smile of his that won my heart in the first place. I eventually stopped thinking about him. Then my friend involving herself again told my ex to start speaking to me again. So at first he just greeted me coldly. Only one specific day he greeted me so nicely and we hugged and I saw that cute smile. A day after I called him to ask for some help on a school project and he helped so well. I was all blushing and excited speaking to him on the phone, I don’t know why. So I came to the conclusion that I still have feelings for him and have been thinking non stop about him and our kisses. I really liked him so much and still do.

      • web admin

        web admin

        November 21, 2017 at 8:40 pm

        It is clear that you are interested in redeveloping a relationship with this person. This person has made it clear that he is not interested in nourishing a relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. You may choose to reach out to him, and speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Help!

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