Ways to Deal With a Complicated Relationship
Ways to Deal With a Complicated Relationship
There’s no question that it can be very challenging to deal with a complicated relationship. Often you feel overwhelmed and completely at a loss as far as how to fix it. When your emotions cloud your judgement, it’s helpful to read, reflect and turn your logical brain on to help you find your way out. Here are some practical solutions to find your way out of the complication you are in.
Write Down What’s Really Bothering You
The first step to finding your way out of a complicated relationship is to write down what’s really bothering you. Chances are it will be a list of things but be sure to include the things that you think you are not good at. This will really be different for each relationship but the more responsibility you can take for your actions and reactions and truly look at yourself in the mirror, the better your chances are of either resolving or not repeating the same behaviors in the future. If you are receiving a lot of negativity, being ignored or cheated on, this is where you can try some of the options below.
See How Much You Are Contributing To The Problem
Think about the situations that are causing problems between you two and try to figure out how you are contributing. Are you doing your best or can you do better? Have you listened to your partner to see how they are feeling? Many times we project our own problems onto people in relationships because we haven’t done a lot of work on dealing with our own insecurities and childhood issues. This can be deceptive because when we feel hurt, we think it’s coming from the other person.
Ask Yourself If There Is Codependency
Many times, one or both people in a relationship can become codependent which means they begin to rely on the other person’s affection and attention for happiness. This can really make a relationship complicated because it can create imbalances where you are either spending too much time together or one person is unhappy about how much time you spend together. It can spiral into other issues of jealousy, controlling behaviors and arguments. If you believe you are codependent, read about this behavior and how to overcome it. Most people have to experience this to overcome it but it will help you to read about it and see if you are in fact codependent. Most people do not realize when they have become codependent because it’s such a subtle thing that creeps up on you and there is no red light that beeps or buzzer that sounds to warn you that you have become codependent. It is common in young people or people that have been together for a long time.
Will your relationship recover? It depends on if you’re both still in love and if you’re both still wanting to work it out and overcome the issue. The next step will help you decide.
Talk To Your Partner
This is one of the most important things you need to do to help your complicated relationship. If you need clarity about how your partner feels or where your relationship stands, don’t put off talking to your partner. If they don’t respect you enough to be honest with you, you shouldn’t be in the relationship anyway. If you get extremely confused from talking and frustrated, chances are you have some issues that could use the next step, therapy. You will need to voice how you’re feeling to see if it can be fixed. This is something that you will always need to to in a relationship and avoiding talking will only make things worse. Don’t ignore your problems, face them head on.
There are many things that therapy can help with for complicated relationships. Don’t think that therapy is for weak people. It’s often those that don’t think they need it that actually need it the most. When we are willing to work on ourselves, we are one step closer to empowering ourselves to make a decision that will lead us out of the unhappy place we have found ourselves in. If your partner isn’t willing to go to therapy that’s a clear sign they are not ready to look in the mirror and have a mature relationship. Remember, if someone is only playing the blame game, the are not humble enough to have a healthy relationship. Now if they are just completely over the relationship and not wanting to work on it, then that is something that you will need to respect and don’t worry, time will heal your pain.
End it If You’re Not Happy
This is where you should take some time away from your partner to do some thinking. If you’re not happy, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I know it’s painful but if the relationship isn’t healthy, chances are you need to step out of that reality and take some time to heal and gain perspective. I’ve found that we really do need to study relationships, emotions and psychology to get better at relationships. We must be willing to be humble when we fall on our face and get back up and try again.
Finally, you may want to reach out to some people you trust that you feel will listen and give you an honest opinion. It’s hard when your feelings are tied up with another person. We often can’t see clearly and that’s where the old saying, ‘love is blind’ comes from. No one is immune to love, thank goodness though, because when people are able to have a healthy relationship, it is a very enriching and a beautiful thing that touches everyone around them.