Ways to Deal With a Complicated Relationship

By on April 14, 2015

Ways to Deal With a Complicated Relationship

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There’s no question that it can be very challenging to deal with a complicated relationship. Often you feel overwhelmed and completely at a loss as far as how to fix it. When your emotions cloud your judgement, it’s helpful to read, reflect and turn your logical brain on to help you find your way out. Here are some practical solutions to find your way out of the complication you are in.

 

Write Down What’s Really Bothering You

The first step to finding your way out of a complicated relationship is to write down what’s really bothering you. Chances are it will be a list of things but be sure to include the things that you think you are not good at. This will really be different for each relationship but the more responsibility you can take for your actions and reactions and truly look at yourself in the mirror, the better your chances are of either resolving or not repeating the same behaviors in the future. If you are receiving a lot of negativity, being ignored or cheated on, this is where you can try some of the options below.

 

See How Much You Are Contributing To The Problem

Think about the situations that are causing problems between you two and try to figure out how you are contributing. Are you doing your best or can you do better? Have you listened to your partner to see how they are feeling? Many times we project our own problems onto people in relationships because we haven’t done a lot of work on dealing with our own insecurities and childhood issues. This can be deceptive because when we feel hurt, we think it’s coming from the other person.

 

Ask Yourself If There Is Codependency

Many times, one or both people in a relationship can become codependent which means they begin to rely on the other person’s affection and attention for happiness. This can really make a relationship complicated because it can create imbalances where you are either spending too much time together or one person is unhappy about how much time you spend together. It can spiral into other issues of jealousy, controlling behaviors and arguments. If you believe you are codependent, read about this behavior and how to overcome it. Most people have to experience this to overcome it but it will help you to read about it and see if you are in fact codependent. Most people do not realize when they have become codependent because it’s such a subtle thing that creeps up on you and there is no red light that beeps or buzzer that sounds to warn you that you have become codependent. It is common in young people or people that have been together for a long time.

 

Will your relationship recover? It depends on if you’re both still in love and if you’re both still wanting to work it out and overcome the issue. The next step will help you decide.

 

Talk To Your Partner

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This is one of the most important things you need to do to help your complicated relationship. If you need clarity about how your partner feels or where your relationship stands, don’t put off talking to your partner. If they don’t respect you enough to be honest with you, you shouldn’t be in the relationship anyway. If you get extremely confused from talking and frustrated, chances are you have some issues that could use the next step, therapy. You will need to voice how you’re feeling to see if it can be fixed. This is something that you will always need to to in a relationship and avoiding talking will only make things worse. Don’t ignore your problems, face them head on.

 

Try Therapy

There are many things that therapy can help with for complicated relationships. Don’t think that therapy is for weak people. It’s often those that don’t think they need it that actually need it the most. When we are willing to work on ourselves, we are one step closer to empowering ourselves to make a decision that will lead us out of the unhappy place we have found ourselves in. If your partner isn’t willing to go to therapy that’s a clear sign they are not ready to look in the mirror and have a mature relationship. Remember, if someone is only playing the blame game, the are not humble enough to have a healthy relationship. Now if they are just completely over the relationship and not wanting to work on it, then that is something that you will need to respect and don’t worry, time will heal your pain.

 

End it If You’re Not Happy

This is where you should take some time away from your partner to do some thinking. If you’re not happy, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I know it’s painful but if the relationship isn’t healthy, chances are you need to step out of that reality and take some time to heal and gain perspective. I’ve found that we really do need to study relationships, emotions and psychology to get better at relationships. We must be willing to be humble when we fall on our face and get back up and try again.

 

Finally, you may want to reach out to some people you trust that you feel will listen and give you an honest opinion. It’s hard when your feelings are tied up with another person. We often can’t see clearly and that’s where the old saying, ‘love is blind’ comes from. No one is immune to love, thank goodness though, because when people are able to have a healthy relationship, it is a very enriching and a beautiful thing that touches everyone around them.

44 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Sonal Mhatre

    June 24, 2019 at 1:01 am

    Hi,i am in a relationship since 1 and a half year. He’s short tempered. We planned a holiday together and my parents are strict they aren’t allowing me to go and we had a fight over this. He’s saying i m too weak i can’t fight or try for anything. He’s hurt that our plan got cancelled and he’s saying he won’t plan anything with me and not talking to me. I love him a lot. I don’t know how to handle this situation.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 24, 2019 at 2:55 pm

      It sounds like you need to make a decision about what you want for your future. Your parents do not want you to visit with him. If you are living with them, then you may want to follow their rules. If you are no longer living with them, then make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Sonal!

  2. Avatar

    Aphrodite

    May 23, 2019 at 10:51 pm

    Hi. i have a boyfriend and we’re in a complicated relationship. we argue last night because i waited for him to text me but he didnt and then after an hour i got a text from him saying he forgot to text me and then he dont have a load too. i got mad i get mad because he didnt do any way to text me. and then the next day he said if i want to fix this then okay, but if i dont want it is okay too . so i talk to him like nothing happened but he was like he dont want to fix it anymore until he said “let’s just stop this” and i was like wth.
    hys. i dont k ow what to do 😢

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 24, 2019 at 3:09 pm

      The two of you struggle to communicate. The two of you have argued, and your partner has informed you of his feelings. If the two of you are still maintaining a relationship, then speak with him in person. Make a decision about what you want for your future, and speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Aphrodite!

  3. Avatar

    Sudipta saha

    May 12, 2019 at 8:19 pm

    Sir,I was in a serious relationship with my gf..but suddenly she broke up with me by saying three reason, 1,religion 2,I’m immature, 3,I’m possessive….but after 1 day again she came and wants to become best friend with me..and she feels jealous when any other girl is flirting me..so should I continue frndship with her?but iwànt to get her back as my lover not friend…

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 13, 2019 at 7:38 pm

      She has informed you that she is no longer interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. Religious differences are unlikely to change. Because of this, she may not be interested in nourishing a romantic relationship with you in the future. Since the two of you are not dating, focus your emotional energy elsewhere and determine what you want for your future without her. Have a great day, Sudipta!

  4. Avatar

    len

    May 7, 2019 at 6:11 pm

    Hi!I’ve been married for 25 yrs with 4 kids.I gave up my career just to focus more on my family.I’ve been unhappy and emotionally neglected by workaholic husband.Now he cheated on me and admitted it he has another woman.I’ve met an online boyfriend who loved and promised to marry me as soon as am free.I just wish to have a better and a lifetime partner in the future…Please advise me what to do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 8, 2019 at 10:08 pm

      Your current partner has cheated on you. His behavior is inappropriate and will likely continue. He is not interested in treating you with respect. End this relationship. While you are still married, do not maintain a romantic relationship with anyone else. Seek custody of your children, as his infidelity may be reason enough for the court to give you custody. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Helen!

  5. Avatar

    ver

    April 30, 2019 at 7:51 am

    Hi,
    I’m in a relationship with a person who is already committed and I am not able to control my feelings towards him.He proposed me and i said yes. I know that person is not just playing around and he is interested in me.But at the same time I cant marry him and he cant marry me too.I have accepted the fact that we cant be with each other till our lifetime and i know for sure that whatever in between us is not just a fling or infatuation but heart seeks him but mind tells not to . This person is so important to me as this all started by the way of friendship. Every time I start to feel insecure and Possessive when he talks or texts his girlfriend.This confusion is restraining me to be normal.Tell me what to do!

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 30, 2019 at 11:16 pm

      He has a girlfriend, yet he has asked you to marry him. This means that he is cheating on both of you. His behaviors are inappropriate, and you should not maintain a relationship with him. Determine what you want for your future without him. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Do not continue to nourish this connection. Have a great day, Ver!

  6. Avatar

    Ner

    April 29, 2019 at 7:51 pm

    I am married, still fighting for 14 years, I went to places already, still back again,,, problem is since I not love my husband but because of kids we still be together with cold love,,, last year I meat my online boyfriend we love each other and feel happy each other, i try to break this guy after year but I know I can’t live without him,, he the same,, but I never tell that I have husband,, I said I am separated and 2kids,,,what I do,,, please give me an advice

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 29, 2019 at 9:59 pm

      You seem to still be married. While you are married, you should not attempt to maintain a romantic relationship with someone else in your life. If you are separated from your husband and no longer love him, then you may want to seek a divorce. Do not continue your affair with this other person. Make a decision about what you want for your future at this time. Have a great day, Ner!

  7. Avatar

    Margaritta

    April 16, 2019 at 10:41 am

    I’m in relationship for almost 7yrs. We are living together and our age gap is 20yrs. It’s really hard for me to stay in this kind of relationship because he is so jealous and very strict. He always checking on my phone or calling thru FaceTime if he is in doubt where am i or who i am with. I fall out of love with him because of this kind of attitude and his infidelity for 3x I admit i’m ready to take the challenges. But he refused to leave me! He is asking for one last time but my heart says yes but my mind definitely said NO. I want to be FRee..
    Honestly speaking i fall to someone i admire before he is willing to wait until i get free. But the big question is my Boyfriend doesn’t want to leave me! He accepted that we cannot be lovers anymore and i offer him is my friendship but he is hoping for my decision to be change. Please enlighten me i’m in a situation that i don’t know where to stand.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 16, 2019 at 3:13 pm

      His jealously and behaviors are indications that he is unfaithful. You said that he has been unfaithful three times. It is clear that he does not value this relationship. His behaviors will continue and likely will become more frequent. No longer maintain this relationship, and determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Margaritta!

  8. Avatar

    Bhavya

    February 10, 2019 at 10:00 am

    I’m in relationship for 3years. We started like we can’t live with each other. He cried for me if i don’t pick his call r spend time with him. He loved me much n cared me much. But since few months after I’m getting close to him. I feels like he is ignoring me n finds reasons for not talking to me properly. If I talk to him at this. He says nothing like tat I’m normal. But I feels he’s not. HelpeHelps in this.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 11, 2019 at 1:33 pm

      Your relationship has changed, so you need to determine what you want for your future. Decide what type of relationship you want to maintain. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. If he ignores you to treats you poorly, then you are aware of him feelings regarding your relationship. Have a great day, Bhavya!

  9. Avatar

    Chee

    December 20, 2018 at 7:05 am

    Hi there,

    I’ve been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years. I think his love for me is fading away. He told me that he wants a baby. I said I’m not yet ready. He said, he will wait. Time pass, we always fought because of his computer/phone games. If we are together, he always holding his phone playing games. If we are on their house, he always infront of his computer playing games. I can’t even talk to him seriously. He always said “Wait”. He starts playing 4pm til 3 up to 6am in the morning. After that, he’ll wake up by 2 or 3 pm. Same routine everyday. I always feel I’m not important to him. We do “make love” but I always told him that I’m not ready so we are making it safe but again he asked for a baby. I told him again that I’m not ready after a few days he said, he’s tired. I asked him, what do you me to do? Would you like me to stay away from you? He said, he didn’t know. I asked him if he still love me, he answered me “I don’’t know”. After 1 day, he asked me to let him go. I tried to fix things. I thought I was able to fix it. But then again, same routine. And again, he asked for a baby. I don’t want him to let me go. So, we tried but up until now. I’m still not pregnant. And again and again. Same routine. For the Last time. He told me again that he’s tired but he still love me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. 🙁 I have this feeling that he really doesn’t love me. Please give me some advice.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 22, 2018 at 11:36 am

      He has a video game addiction and has shown that he does not want to be intimate with you. You have spoken with him about your thoughts and feelings. He has said that he is confused and has not given you the answers that you are seeking. Determine what kind of relationship you want to nourish. Decide if this relationship is viable. Attempt to speak with him again, perhaps while he is playing a game, and explain that you require someone who gives you the respect and attention that you deserve. Have a great day, Chee!

  10. Avatar

    cutyzee

    August 16, 2018 at 10:39 pm

    I have been in this relationship with this guy and his a low income earner for six month,his staying in Lagos and am in Abuja,we were discussing yesterday and i adviced him to look 4 better job, but he said what if his comfortable with it, I said it means he might be able to even sponsor our wedding because to wed in Nigeria u need to at least have up to 300k, but he said one can marry with even 50k.i told that’s is impossible, now what do I do end the relationship or wait for him to come back to his senses,am confused.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 17, 2018 at 1:06 pm

      It sounds as though you are not interested in maintaining a relationship with this person because he does not have enough money for your satisfaction. If you do not believe that your feelings will change, then allow this relationship to end. He will find benefit in establishing a relationship with someone who is less focused on money. Determine what you want for your future. Have a great day, Cutyzee!

  11. Avatar

    I don'tknow what to do

    August 9, 2018 at 1:05 am

    I recently have made a mistake, I have been with my partner for 3 years. Recent situations have put me in a vulnerable position. I was unable to spendtime with him let alone talk to him. I have made a mistake in sleeping with someone because I didn’t want to get kicked out. When I do try to explain my situation to him I know he wont believe me because I broke the trust but what can I do in this situation. I feel remorse for that horrible decision and have gotten passed his mistake also. I just feel like I’m the only one in the wrong.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 9, 2018 at 10:50 pm

      You may not be the only one in the wrong. He may or may not recognize that fact. He may no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with you. He may not belief your explanation. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Ensure this this relationship is based on respect and love. Have a great day, Do!

  12. Avatar

    *chriz

    July 4, 2018 at 6:45 pm

    i had a boyfriend/live in partner for 2 years and still counting. we had an unico hijo as of now and after i delivered my son he started to change. from being caring to me to careless. he doesn’t give me enough time and priority. he’s working and i’m on my study. its really hard for me to feel unimportant. i thought he’s just an immature but not. he should engage with being parent to my son. sometimes, i felt that he already forget us and he never missed us even. then one day, he got to have a another girl. not totally because the girl found out that he has a son and wife. so the girl stopped replying on him. its really hurt on my part because i felt it and i asked him, he denies it until one day that i got a proof and i talked to him. he refuses on my questions instead he throw it back to me. now, its really hard to gain back my trust to him and we always fight everyday. how can i retain his time to me just like before? i missed the old us. help me please!

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 4, 2018 at 10:26 pm

      He has chosen to neglect you. He may have been cheating on you. It is possible that he has spoken with other women as well. Determine what you want for the future of your child. Decide what you believe is appropriate. Strengthen your relationship with your friends and family. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he abuses you or ignores you, then you are aware of his lack of emotional connection with you. Have a great day, Chriz!

  13. Avatar

    Tanya

    June 3, 2018 at 1:14 pm

    hello actually its like I love a guy he loves me too, and because of his job he is in another city he comes after 2-3 months and when he comes he wants to get physical which I am not comfortable with. I become uneasy because I do not find it right as I see no future with him because we cannot get married or live together at any cost in future. I am confused I think I need to end this.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 3, 2018 at 11:08 pm

      You are uncertain about this relationship. You do not believe that there is a future with this person. You are not interested in maintaining a purely physical relationship with him. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Make a decision about what you want for your future. Have a great day, Tanya!

  14. Avatar

    Mary

    November 24, 2017 at 5:35 pm

    Hello I am in relationship with a kid,I got to know was pregnant after have traveled to another country, during my pregnancy he use to call me very well,but since have delivered he began to change, now he has totally change, he hardly replied to message and when I complained he just said sorry but not change, pls what can I do,should I let him go or there can still be a hope. Am so convinced and bitter about his behaviours

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 25, 2017 at 6:11 pm

      It is possible that he is confused or uncertain about his thoughts and feelings toward you. It is possible that he is allowing his emotional energy to change focus. If you are still abroad, then he may be worried about your feelings toward him. Your best option is to attempt to spend additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Mary!

  15. Avatar

    Lubi

    September 21, 2017 at 8:00 am

    I was dating him for 4months now things were so happening before he use to text the whole day he use to spend time in office everyting was fine but we had a small fight after that he started to act wired I was insecure he said it is his personal issueissues he is busy with he cant give me time and we have no future and decided to break up in a day now even if he see me he doesn’t talk nd when I walk to him he ignores when I text he sees but no reply he doesn’t pick ma calls I rele love him need help

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 21, 2017 at 7:54 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is not interested in developing a relationship with you at this time. You would be benefited by no longer attempting to communicate with him. Look inward and determine what you want for your future. Have a great day, Lubi!

      • Avatar

        Lubi

        September 22, 2017 at 6:36 am

        So should I try talking to himme after few days or wait for him to contact meme because m scared ifto he doesn’t

        • web admin

          web admin

          September 22, 2017 at 8:14 pm

          Take this time to determine what you want for your future. If you want to develop a relationship with him, then speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you are not interested in doing so, then wait for him to reach out to you. Make a determination at that time. Have a great day, Lubi!

          • Avatar

            Lubi

            September 23, 2017 at 8:59 pm

            But he doesn’t recive my calls or reply to my texts I really love him how do i make him contact me even at work he doesn’t talk to meme this is frustrating me and I am not able to concentrate on anything I quit my job to so please tel me how to get in contact

            • web admin

              web admin

              September 24, 2017 at 7:48 pm

              If he is unwilling to speak with you, then he has made his feelings clear. It would be beneficial for you to allow thoughts of him to fade. Take this time to look inward and determine what you want for your future. New opportunities will become available to you. Have a great day, Lubi!

  16. Avatar

    Chiziba

    May 7, 2017 at 9:19 am

    Please help me.Im in a relationship for 2years now and we normally have kiss each time we are together but ever since that 2years now she refuse have sex with me.each time i talk about it she said i should wait with time everything will be alright. And i love this girl with all my heart.but shes never care to know if im alive ornevershe dont call me on phone i am the only person calling her on phone everyday. I am confused in this kind of relationship i be spending my money for her she dont use to call me on phone even to come to house we qureel first before she can come to my house and only call me whenever she needs something from me

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 7, 2017 at 11:25 am

      Tell her that you want to talk to her. When you are alone together, sit her down and ask her what is wrong. Tell her that you love her and are fine with waiting if she needs it, but it confuses you. You just want to understand why she is so distant and not sexually interested, and you would like her to explain to you. Tell her that there is no judgement, but you do want to understand. Hopefully, this type of conversation will get her to open up. There is also a possibility that she just wants to break up with you and is acting this way because of that. If that is the case, the same approach will still work to help you find out why she is acting so oddly. (As a side note, I just reread your comment–if she does not want to have sex for the first time, then just respect that. I initially thought that she suddenly stopped having sex with you and wrote the advice tailored to that.)

  17. Avatar

    Henry

    February 16, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    I was in a relationship for a year now and we had everything working together perfect for us but due to just a small distance things are getting out of hand because first we used to talk on phone for about hours but now just 7-10 minutes and even when we meet and we talking things get stuck up , i feel the chemistry we had in the past is fading away because i dont understand why all of a sudden with the small distance between us now things aint working … i really love the girl with all my heart and she knows that so please i need your help on what to do to gain her attention back again

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 16, 2017 at 5:28 pm

      The best way for your relationship to become stronger is to try to spend additional time with her. Conversations that are not in person may be short lived because it is difficult to become closer to the other people. Try to go see her as soon as possible. Best of luck, Henry!

  18. Avatar

    imran

    October 6, 2016 at 3:11 am

    hi ther ,

    iam in relation ship from past 4 years we are great till she joins engineering college earlier we use to speak for hours now shes giving me 20 mins of her hole day even she dosent replay to my msges and to my cals now iam felling that she dosent have anything for me i feel terrible when i see shes online n she dosent even replay to my msg but when i took the decision to go away from her she cried and she asked me sorry. now iam confused that i dont no what is wrong with it iam in complicated situation please help me we she said she dosent like to talk but still fo call me 20 mis shell call me. now iam getting frustrated that iam not able to make this go soft and smooth please help me i canot consternation n my work nithr my career

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 6, 2016 at 9:18 am

      She may just be busy and cannot talk to you as often. If she said that nothing is wrong and she is studying at an engineering college, then there is an excellent chance that she is just busy with schoolwork. Unless you have another reason to be worried, I would relax and wait. If she returns to talking to you a lot and being there for you on her breaks from school, then it seems extremely likely that it was just due to the busy-ness and stress of being in school. Don’t worry about it too much yet–it sounds like she still cares for you. Good luck, Imran!

      • Avatar

        Helen Estavillo

        May 7, 2019 at 4:10 pm

        Hi.I’m married for 20 yrs.with 3 kids.I resigned from work just to focus more on my kids.I’ve never been happy with workaholic husband and now he cheated on me.I met a online boyfriend who promised to marry me once am free.I wish to have a lifetime partner in the future…Please help me to decide.

        • web admin

          web admin

          May 8, 2019 at 10:02 pm

          Your current partner has cheated on you. His behavior is inappropriate and will likely continue. He is not interested in treating you with respect. End this relationship. While you are still married, do not maintain a romantic relationship with anyone else. Seek custody of your children, as his infidelity may be reason enough for the court to give you custody. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Helen!

          • Avatar

            Abiona Samuel

            June 16, 2019 at 1:40 pm

            sir my girlfriend dumped me for her step dad interest and after some months she came back that she’s still love me and I have got another girlfriend and I still loved her I mean my ex-girlfriend please help me sir she use call me now

            • web admin

              web admin

              June 16, 2019 at 9:50 pm

              You are currently maintaining a relationship. Allow thoughts of your ex to fade, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Nourish your relationship with your partner by spending additional time together. Do not reach out to your ex at this time. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will bring positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Abiona!

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