8 Things To Talk About With A Guy
I am a huge proponent of being a freaking ninja with our word choice. What does that mean? It means that people blabber on about nothingness for years and run in circles in their relationships as a result. When you don’t carefully choose what you talk about with a guy, you can digress as human beings. However, when you think of your time together as a huge opportunity for growth, healing and intellectual stimulation, oh the possibilities! The art of communication is being lost in our culture, replaced with emoticons and abbreviated texts. However, if we realize the power of our words to shape our lives and perspectives, suddenly, a conversation with our boyfriend can be life altering for both of you.
#1 Philosophy and Morals
A relationship should be a safe place to share your deepest feelings and dive into the meaning of life. That does not mean that your partner should be subjected to listening to every creative idea that floats into your head and neither should you be a silent sponge for him. It’s our job in communicating to be excellent listeners and to ask questions of the other person. So here’s an example.
Try asking your boyfriend what he believes is most important to people in their lives. Listen and don’t try to interject your opinions. You can ask him what is most important in his life as well. You can and should talk about what it is that you feel is important to do with your life. This can help you have a focus in your relationship and can strengthen your relationship. It’s important to understand what your partner believes is right or wrong. For instance, do they think it’s ok to lie or do they never lie? Have they ever cheated in school or stole from a store? These questions can help you get to know them on a much deeper level.
It’s important to ask your partner if they believe in a higher power or what they believe happens after death. Many relationships that have conflicting views on these deeper issues often find trouble connecting. The sooner you get to the deep subject matter, the easier it will be to find out if you truly connect to each other. You don’t have to see things exactly the same but to really know someone, you need to know why they feel they exist. Don’t be hard on your boyfriend if he is still confused and figuring it out, these concepts evolve in our minds as we get older and chances are you are still figuring some things out as well.
#2 Life Lessons They Have Learned
Another very valuable thing to talk about with your boyfriend is how he has changed and grown from his life experiences. Try not to just relate everything he says to a story in your life. Don’t cut him off and take the time to listen to the whole story. This will allow you to get to know him better and it will allow him to open up to you. If he asks you a similar question, then it’s a good idea to share but just try not to overwhelm him with everything you’ve ever learned. You can tell him some things here and there but don’t run down a laundry list of every mistake you ever made in a relationship. Remember, it’s good to share what you learned in moderation. Living too much in the past can steal from all the amazing things that you could be doing in the present and the plans you can be making for the future as you work on becoming better individuals through your relationship. Look at your conversation as a gift to him, think of being there for him as a friend that he can bounce ideas off of or get sound advice from without judgement. There is a time and place for focusing conversations on the past, present and future. Try to equally balance between these.
#3 His Aspirations and Dreams
Another extremely important thing to talk to your boyfriend about on a regular basis are his goals and dreams. In a relationship, we need to have a direction. When we stagnate and don’t have something that we are both working towards, we argue out of boredom. As humans we are meant to strive for something and when you spend time learning and supporting his dreams, he is more likely to do the same for you. This builds lots of positive energy in the relationship and is much more valuable than mindless gossip.
If you are clear with what you want to achieve and he is clear, you will feel more motivated and excited in your lives. It’s ok not to be completely clear and you can discuss your ideas with each other. Try asking him what his strengths and weaknesses are and what type of careers he is passionate about. You can help him come up with ideas of how to pursue his dreams and steps he can take to get there. Remember, just as our dreams don’t happen overnight, his won’t either so don’t put too much pressure on him, just lots of positive support.
#4 Ask About His Family and Best Friends
They say if you want to know someone, get to know his friends. A person’s family also helps to shape their viewpoints on life. When you are looking for valuable things to talk about with your boyfriend besides the weather and what frustrated you about your day, ask him about his best friends. It’s nice to show interest in the people that are most important to him. When you get to know the people in his immediate family and closest group of friends, it allows you to see more dimensions of his character and what makes him tick. You may see what he values in friendship and he may open up to you about what hurts his feelings. As you develop the ability to listen, to truly listen without just waiting to tell your story, it will strengthen the bond between you. Try not to judge his friends or family members but see those relationships from his perspective. If he’s close with an ex girlfriend, try not to be jealous but notice her good qualities and be respectful of their friendship. Remember, he had to learn in his relationship with her in order to grow to be in a relationship with you.
#5 What He’s Not Good At
For some guys this can be hard for them to talk about but if they are into working on themselves, they will be open to this. In fact, it’s essential that a man is willing to talk about the parts of his personality that he is not proud of. This shows that he can be humble and is willing to admit that he has faults. This is a valuable subject to revisit as your relationship matures as a check and balance. As the circumstances of our lives change and we resolve certain imbalances in our lives, often others come up. If you see something that your boyfriend can change, often he is probably aware of it too. This can be a non-aggressive way to help him look at himself. If you want, you can share with him what you’re working on which might help him open up. When we are willing to admit we are not perfect and still figuring things out, it allows others to be more vulnerable and strengthens the bond between you. This allows you to see each other as fully human and takes you off the pedestal that is truly just an illusion of grandeur. This is quite possibly one of the most valuable subjects to bring up and should be done with compassion.
#6 Current Affairs
If we want to have a strong relationship, we need to not only focus on our relationship but our connection to the community and the world around us. People often get so caught up sweating the small stuff in their home like who forgot to buy toilet paper when there are real serious problems that we should be using our energy trying to solve. When you can shift the focus of topics from mundane to global, it will allow you to use your energy in constructive ways together. When you help each other stay focused on making the world a better place, it leaves little room or time for ‘trifling drama.’ So if you notice yourself being petty, pick up a newspaper or go online and stop creating mountains out of molehills. There is so much good that can be done in a relationship where two people focus on being compassionate and contributing members of society. Maybe the next time you think about watching a sitcom, watch a documentary so you have something to discuss that is thought provoking.
#7 Humanitarian Issues
Following in the footsteps of the last subject is human rights issues. Ask him how he feels about gender equality, racial equality, the environmental crisis, global poverty, human trafficking, you know stuff that really matters. Browse books and magazines and get up to speed on these issues and you will be able to discover how you both can find a voice for these causes. You can learn from each other and motivate each other to make a difference whether it is sharing reading material, attending seminars together or other forms of activism. Make your relationship be a source of good ideas that help people and not something that distracts you from being a good person.
#8 What Does Love Mean To Them
Finally, ask them what makes them feel loved. Ask him if he likes to cuddle or if he likes to stay in contact throughout the day. Ask him if what type of affection makes him feel special. Ask him how often he likes personal space to clear his head. Ask him what his views are on serious relationships too. Don’t avoid this subject because there are so many different views on what people are looking for in a relationship, it’s great to know if your views align.
Also it’s just great to talk about how positive he makes you feel. Give him genuine compliments and tell him you’re grateful for the efforts he puts into the relationship. Assure him that he has your support and that it’s ok to admit when he needs help. If you make the communication in your relationship very important and guard your words out of respect for each other, it will, without a question, change your entire life.