Should I Text Him?

By on August 31, 2014

We’ve all been in that terrible predicament where we are sitting in our chair, staring at our phone, wondering- should I text him? The answer is yes. But why? How? What should you say? What shouldn’t you say? There’s SO much to know- but don’t let that overwhelm you. We’ve got the answers to all your questions.


Why It’s Okay to Text Him First

Why do we, as women, always question ourselves when it comes to texting a guy? We will spend hours contemplating. We’ll even start a new text message with his phone number at the top, yet the message box will be empty because we simply don’t know what to say or don’t even know if we SHOULD text him. But why? Is it because we’re afraid of looking too desperate? Do we think texting first is against the rules of being a woman? Let me tell you this: it is perfectly okay to text him. In fact, most men actually prefer it.

Okay, now, don’t sit there in shock. I know it was probably a surprise to hear that- and you probably don’t even really believe me. I don’t blame you. All your friends probably told you to not text him or you’ll look desperate and easy, and you probably erased the pending text message (yet you’re still sitting there staring at your phone waiting for him to text you, right?). Men like it when women text first. I mean, after all- we all know that men LOVE it when girls make the first move. It’s such a turn on. It shows that you are totally confident and secure in yourself and don’t wait on anyone. You’re a go getter. You know what you want, and you go for it. So why should it be any different when it comes to text messaging? Exactly.


Ladies, before you spend hours contemplating whether or not to text him, the answer is yes. It’s almost always a good idea. He won’t mind and he won’t suddenly think you’re some clingy unconfident weirdo- in fact, he will think exactly the opposite.


A Guide for Each Scenario

Okay, so we’ve made it perfectly clear that it’s okay to text him. Men absolutely love it. But now here comes the hard part: what should you actually say? Here’s a few scenarios to get you started:


1. The cutie you’ve been talking to just gave you his number.

So whether you’ve been chatting it up in a bar or you’ve talked to him a few times in your math class, the time has finally come. He’s given you his number and is ready to take the next step in the relationship. Wow. It’s all on your shoulders now! What will you do?

I can’t stress this enough: don’t be boring. Nobody wants to get the same old, “Hey what’s up” text message. It’s…dull. And he’s probably seen that same text message from 5 other girls in the past few days. Don’t be that girl. Instead, try something like this: “Hey, it’s Sophie. How’d that blue drink treat you last night? Stuck with a hangover?” or “Hey, it’s Abby. Please tell me you did as terrible on that math test as me.” This lets him know who’s texting and also gives him something fun and interesting to talk about with you.


2. You just got home from an awesome date with that special someone.

The sparks were flying the whole time. You’ve been sitting on your bed with a goofy smile ever since you walked in the door. You just can’t get him out of your head and the date was nothing short of perfect. What will you say?

First and foremost, you should absolutely let him know what an amazing time you had. Don’t be shy! Something like, “James! Thank you so much for tonight. It was incredible. The pizza was delicious, the movie was awesome, and YOU were unbelievable. We should do it again sometime”. Here, you’ve covered all the basis. You put his name in the text to make it personable, you told him everything you loved about the date (including HIM), and you let him know you want to go out again. Perfection.


3. You just had sex for the first time with a new partner.

Okay, this is important. I mean, yeah you had an AMAZING time, but there’s still a little bit of awkwardness. You don’t want to make anything weird, and you don’t want to act like that’s all you want from him (unless that’s what you want). There’s a few options to choose from, but don’t try to play it off like nothing happened. This makes him think it was a bad time.

You could say something like, “Wow. You were incredible last night” or “I loved everything about last night. The drinks, the play- and especially you”. Either way, you’re letting him know that you had a good time and you want to do it again. You could also follow up by saying, “So, did you have fun last night?” or “Did you have as much fun as I did yesterday?”


4. You just met his friends/family members.

Well, if you are meeting his family or friends than you MUST be something special. So you need to make sure you let him know that you’re grateful for the opportunity and that you loved his family/friends. (And yes, you should probably say this even if you weren’t a huge fan of his friends or family members).

Say something along the lines of, “Thank you so much for inviting me to dinner with your parents last night! They were lovely” or “Thanks for bringing me to the bar with you yesterday. Your friends and cool and CRAZY! Lol”. You could then follow this text message with something like, “What did they think of me?” (Because I know you’re probably DYING to find out- I don’t blame you!).


5. Something awkward happened.

Okay, so let’s say you did something totally awkward with a guy friend the night before. Maybe you got totally drunk and were acting stupid. Maybe you grabbed your guy friend and started making out with him- even though the two of you were “just friends”. Really, there’s a whole list of awkward and embarrassing moments that could happen. But what do you say the next day?

Really, the only thing TO say, is sorry. And you should ABSOLUTELY say you’re sorry- even if you are overwhelmingly embarrassed. This will help ease the air a little bit and help the two of you work past it much quicker than trying to avoid the situation altogether. A simple “I’m so sorry about last night” is a great way to start. Then, based off of his answer, you will know what to do next.


6You’re not interested in him.

There’s probably nothing worse than being led on by someone who is not interested in you. If you went on a date with a guy you thought you liked but it ended up being a bust come date night, then you need to let him know right off the bat. Don’t wait for him to text you saying what an awesome person you are or how great the night was- that will only kill his spirit even more. You need to upfront and honest with him as soon as you can. There’s a few different ways to do this.

You could always simply say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is going to work out. You’re a nice guy but I don’t see anything happening between us. Thank you for the date though”. That’s subtle, but gets the point across fairly quickly. If you want to be even more subtle and friendly about it, try something like “Hey. Listen, you’re a really nice guy but I don’t think I see anything romantic happening between us. We can stay friends if you’d like, though!”

Times You Shouldn’t Text Him

Well, for the most part it’s almost always okay to text him first. But, of course, there are still some occasions in which you should absolutely avoid texting him altogether. We’ve broken down the few times you should NOT text him.


1. When you are mad.

This is really simple: when you are mad, you almost always say things you don’t mean. Which means you could end up saying something really nasty and rude to him that will totally turn him off and ruin your relationship. If you are mad, do not text him. Wait to cool off and them return to the conversation with a level head so you can discuss the situation.


2. When you are drunk.

Ah, those infamous drunk texts. Those very awkward, embarrassing, and totally terrible drunk texts. You don’t want to make a fool out of yourself, right? Then I highly suggest avoid texting him while you’re under the influence. You might definitely say something “out there” that will make you look odd, desperate, weird- the list goes on and on. I mean, when you’re drunk you are a lot more “open” about things. You’d hate to tell him something personal about yourself or maybe even something you’ve been thinking about doing to him (hint hint). Just please, avoid the drunk text nightmare and save your texting for the next day.

text him

3. If you’ve already texted him that day.

It’s a rule of thumb: text someone, and if they don’t text back, don’t keep texting them. I mean, there’s a reason they didn’t text back, right? Maybe they’re busy at work. Maybe they’re working on homework. Maybe they just plain out don’t want to talk to you. Whatever their reason is for not texting back, you don’t want to be annoying or look desperate. If you’ve already texted him once that day- and he didn’t text back- let it be. He will contact you if he wants to talk.


Texts You Should Never Send Him

There are just some things you should NOT say to a man. Here is a few absolute no-nos when it comes to texting a guy.

1. I can’t wait to go out with you again.

Sounds harmless, right? But you know what you just did there? You automatically assumed that there’s going to be a next time. You automatically assumed he wants your company again. Instead of telling him you had a nice time, you decided that he had as much fun as you are and the two of you are going to go on a lot of grand adventures together. But unfortunately, it just doesn’t work like that. This text message is just too presumable. Instead, say something like, “Wow, I had a really nice time with you Jeff. I’d love to do it again sometime”. This lets him know that you loved the date and, if he is on the same page, you would love to do it again sometime.

2. What’s up?

You have probably sent this text, what, a million times by now? Yeah, and you know what? He’s read that same text a million times already. One word: boring. When you’re texting a guy, you don’t want to be boring. It’s as easy as that. You don’t want to be like everybody else and you certainly don’t want him to think that you’re a snooze fest. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone that is boring? Instead try something like, “Hey! Are you going to Brynn’s party tonight?” or “Hey! Have you seen the new Star Trek movie?” Basically send him anything that will start a conversation.

3. Where have you been?

When you haven’t talked to someone in awhile and you send this text message, their reply will almost always start with “I’m sorry” following by “I’ve been busy with work, school, etc.” And you know what you just did there? You guilt tripped him into talking to you and made him feel bad. That’s totally NOT what you should do. Instead, try saying something like, “Hey! Haven’t heard from you in awhile. How have you been?” That lets him know you’ve been thinking about him but you understand life gets hectic.

4. Thinking about you!

Unless you’ve been in a relationship with this guy for quite some time, please don’t send this text message. Sending this to a guy you barely know is a recipe for disaster. He will read this and automatically think, “Wow. This girl is crazy and super clingy!” I mean, after all- it’s a little weird to be thinking so much about someone you just met and actually tell them. (I mean, of course it’s okay to be thinking about that hottie nonstop! I do it too- just don’t let HIM know it!) It’s just a little too desperate. Refrain from anything like this.


Don’t let text messaging make or break you. It’s easier than you think to text that special guy in your life!


What do you think? Should women text a man first? Is there certain times you shouldn’t text him? What should you say? We are dying to hear your opinion!


  1. Avatar


    January 20, 2020 at 1:01 am

    Hi, I could use some help with a cade that I am in right now..
    I met someone through a datind app that allows only women to make the first move. So we talked and the next day we had an amazing date, without getting physical at all, but seemed very promising.
    I texted him the next day and exverything was normal and easy, but the second day after the date I texted heinnim again first since I remembered he was leaving on a buisness trip to wish him luck and his responsies were a bit distant.
    So I thought he might need his space and I let him know that I hopped to hear from him soon and that was it.
    Now it has been more than a week, he returned but I still haven’t heard from him…should I text him again first something fun and casual, or should I just leave it in peace? This guy was honestly worth trying for though…at least he seemed like it
    Thank you so much in advance

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 20, 2020 at 12:22 pm

      If he is interested in you, sending a short, friendly message asking how his business trip went seems perfectly normal and like a good idea. If he decided he isn’t interested in you or just wanted a fling, reaching out to him won’t make him any more likely or unlikely to want more. Since you really have nothing to lose, you may as well reach out and see what happens.

  2. Avatar


    October 18, 2019 at 1:22 am

    I met this guy on a dating website. I usually try not to put any meaningful attachment towards anyone I meet online, but that all of a sudden changed when I met this guy. We talked A LOT via text message and Snapchat before meeting up in person. He seemed very caring and genuine so I decided to meet up with him in person and the date went great (at least that’s what I thought). I remember carefully asking him about his last relationship, and he told me that he had broken up with his ex-girlfriend only about a month ago. His response got me thinking a bit, but it did not push me away from getting to know him further because I already liked his guy enough. However, I’m guessing he was thinking about it more seriously than I did because the next day he told me that he’s realized he’s not ready talking to new people because he was thinking of his ex during our date. His response was devastating to me, but since he told me honestly I told him I respect his decision and we stopped talking. I know we did not know each other well/long enough, but I am still emotionally attached to him and it’s been almost 3 months since the last time I messaged him. I want to text him again and tell him how I feel, but a part of me is very scared and hesitant because what if I come off as creepy or clingy? What if he’s still not over his ex? These “what ifs” are currently driving me crazy and I wish someone could guide me into making the right decision. Should I text him again?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 25, 2020 at 4:15 pm

      It seems that you need to take this time to determine what you want for your future. If you are interested in maintaining a relationship with him again, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you feel that this relationship is best suited in the past, then allow thoughts of him to fade. Introspection will help you make a decision that is appropriate and beneficial.

  3. Avatar

    Tatiana Solomon

    April 26, 2019 at 6:59 pm

    I met a guy on east meet east. We exchanged our snapchat information to continue our conversation. It has been a few days in this interest relationship but the bad part is, he live in Australia and I live in USA. How can I keep my interest long distance relationship going on with this guy? I hear long distance relationship never lasts. I need help.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 27, 2019 at 6:21 pm

      Long distance relationships may work and they may not. It depends on what decisions you want to make for your relationship. Determine what you want for the future of your relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. This relationship may be viable if either of you make a decision to attempt to see each other in person. Have a great day, Tatiana!

  4. Avatar


    March 24, 2019 at 10:23 pm

    I matched with a guy on Tinder a while back and we messaged each other briefly when I deleted my account due to repetition. I soon after saw his instagram account on my suggested page, as we had mutual friends. I requested to follow him and messaged him saying my reason for deleting my account, but coupled with I was interested in getting to know him better. He sent me friendly messages back and I responded, but was unable to come up with more to say. We’ve never met in person and it’s been about a month since our last exchange…should I message him? I’m so tempted, although I’m not sure what to say.

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 26, 2019 at 2:03 am

      It has been a month since the two of you last spoke. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. If you reach out to him, then you may want to make a plan to see him in person, as this will nourish your relationship. Have a great day, Erica!

  5. Avatar


    February 11, 2019 at 8:45 am

    Hi, I met someone online and we’ve known each other for almost 2 years now. I like him a lot and i guess he likes me too since we’ve talked about it occasionally. I always wanted to be in a relationship with him but he thinks otherwise. He told me the cons and I agreed with him. I’ve thought about not talking to him and just stop whatever was happening between us, but I really just can’t stop my feelings for him. I think I’m doing something wrong, I think I’m the reason why he doesn’t even try to date or meet new women for long-term goals (He flirts with other girls and sleeps with some of them) but he always tells me he does it for fun/satisfaction. I told him my plans but he doesn’t want to end whatever we have going on. I don’t know what to do. I’m utterly confused besides that i feel this ache in my chest whenever i think of him, see something that reminds me of him or even the thought of thinking about him.. please.. I need your advice on what I should do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 11, 2019 at 6:58 pm

      You shared your thoughts and feelings with this person, and he then shared himself with you as well. Your feelings are acceptable, but he has informed you of his position. He may be interested in having casual sexual relationships at this time, and he may want to maintain a serious relationship with you in the future. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Bear!

  6. Avatar


    January 8, 2019 at 4:20 am

    there’s someone I like, we been talking for a minute now and we met a few times but all of sudden didn’t hear from him a whole day. how would I go about this situation?

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 8, 2019 at 7:23 pm

      There are many potential reasons for why you haven’t heard from him. He may be busy with family. He may be working or studying. Speak with him again tomorrow. If he is unable to get back to you tomorrow, then share your thoughts and feelings with him at that time. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Nelly!

  7. Avatar


    September 19, 2018 at 11:19 pm

    Ok so there’s this guy I like, and I think he likes me too. I’ve known him for about four years now, and we’ve never really been friends-more like acquaintances. Like three months ago he started to stare at me, and he still does occasionally. Now, I have feelings for him, and I want to not directly confess, but have him kinda tell me. I want to do it in person, but he’s ALWAYS around friends, or in class. So now, how do I get to talk to him without being brutally awkward like I am? HELP ME!!!

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 20, 2018 at 9:19 pm

      You are interested in developing a relationship with him. His behaviors may be indications that he wants to develop a relationship with you as well. He is often around friends, so you may find benefit in using his friends to support you. You may also want to speak directly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps ask to speak to him alone. Have a great day, Lula!

  8. Avatar


    August 3, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    So I recently around July 6th went on a date with the guy I like and everything seemed to have gone really well. He gave me his number a week before this date we went to two parties back to back and during the parties he seemed to show a lot of interest towards me. So continuing my story he seemed to have a really good time we went out for dinner and a movie later we decided that it was kind of early to end the night there so we decided to go bowling and drive around the city. We drove around for awhile and he later asked me if had any other ideas that we could do. He then offered that we could watch the sunset but then realized that it had already started to set. A little later after that he dropped me off at home, where he told me that he would walk me to my door. I personally think that he was gonna hug me but I’m not sure because as I opened the doors of my house my pets tried to run out. So he then said oh okay bye and then I texted him probably 30 minutes later saying that I had an amazing time and I thanked him but he never responded and then like 3 days later I texted him hey and there was no response. So now I’m really confused and worried if I did something wrong and all of my friends say to text him again but I don’t know what to say.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 3, 2018 at 8:06 pm

      He has chosen to not respond for you. He may be uncertain or confused about his feelings. There may be a variety of reasons for his actions. He has shown that he is unable to maintain a relationship with you at this time. Determine what you want for your future. Share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Kristina!

      • Avatar


        August 4, 2018 at 1:10 pm

        What would be a good thing to say to him as he had showed a lot of interest in me for awhile. He’s acted like he’s liked me for almost a year and he finally got the confidence to ask me out after we went to several parties together what would be a good thing to say to get him to respond.

        • web admin

          web admin

          August 4, 2018 at 10:07 pm

          He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He may be uncertain or confused about your feelings. If you want to nourish this relationship, then share your thoughts and feelings with him. Attempt to spend additional time with him in person. He may be waiting for you to take action, as he may be waiting for you to respond. Have a great day, Kristina!

  9. Avatar


    June 28, 2018 at 12:39 am

    Hey. So this guy and I have been friends for a few years and I am in love with him. We finally hung out a couple of weeks ago and afterwards I kind of over reacted and texted him, a bunch of times. After he ignored me for a couple of days I asked him if we would ever talk again and he said if I stopped messaging him so much. I said ok. The next day I apologized and texted him that I was sorry and he said that I needed to leave him alone. I was crushed. I texted him back and said that I understand and that when he was ready to let me know when he wanted to talk again. I don’t know if I am ever going to talk to him let alone hang out with him. Is he ever going to talk to me again or do I need to just move on. We are still friends on Facebook. I just want to know after how long I should wait to contact him again because he will probably not contact me first. Thanks.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 29, 2018 at 12:49 am

      He has begun speaking with you less frequently. You have shared your thoughts and feelings with him. He is aware of what you want for your future. Give him an opportunity to reach out to you. If he does not message you within a week, then perhaps determine what actions you believe are appropriate. Perhaps determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Mimi!