Relationship Goals That Are Actually Worth Achieving
We all set goals…and then we forget all about them… It doesn’t have to be that way though. If you set goals that are easy enough to achieve and worth achieving, then you have a chance at real success in the goal keeping arena. The problem with most people’s goals is that they set the bar way high and then fall off the band wagon. The best way to counteract it? Set achievable steps to get there.
Luckily with relationship goals there are several different things you can do that are easy enough to accomplish. However, if you try to do them all in one go, it will feel overwhelming. Instead, do one or two things the first month, then add a third thing and so forth. Once something becomes a habit it’s easy enough to keep up and you can move onto the next thing on the list.
The goals selected below are some things that can be really relationship changing. They may sound simple enough, but combined they have a huge effect on a relationship.
1. Ditch the Sarcastic Comments (Most of the Time)
A sarcastic sense of humor is great. Using it to degrade your partner, not so great. Sure we all love to joke around about that one time our partner set fire to the veggies they were BBQing just before the guests arrived, or how appallingly bad they are at dancing. That’s fine, once in a while, but remember what makes a relationship special. You do remember right? It’s that feeling that your partner loves you, adores you and sees all the good things in you. He, or she, honors you.
So next time you’re at a party and everyone starts cracking jokes about their partners, try shifting the conversation around after a little while and start talking about what makes them great. That one time you were really proud of them…
2. Compliments Galore
You don’t only have to start making sarcastic comments, or making fun of your partner, you also have to show them what it is you love about them.
Here are a few things to remember complimenting them on (at least once a week):
- their looks
- their body
- their bedroom skills (if you mention specific things they’re sure to do more of them!)
- their personality
- their skills and talents
Often in relationships we assume our partner knows we love them because, well, that’s why we’re with them! Everyone needs to hear it too though. And the more specific you get, complimenting them on all aspects of who they are, the more treasured they will feel.
3. Do Something New Get the Adrenaline Flowing
Whatever grows stagnant dies. To feel satisfied in your job, you need to grow in our role; learn and get new challenges. It’s the same in every area of your life. As people we need to grow to feel satisfied.
To help you grow in your relationship and as a person, it’s important to try new things together. Once a month do something you’ve never done before. Like go to a wine tasting event, do a weekend away at a new place, try a new position in bed, go to a new restaurant, attend a tantra class, go kitesurfing, etc. You can also do certain things that are long term, such as learning Italian and as part of that, taking some Italian cooking courses, visit Italy, etc.
Here’s the deal: adrenaline has been proven to make people fall in love faster and more intensely. Something to be said for having an adventure escaping from the dragon that guards the palace, after all… Adventures, or adrenaline if you so like, bring us together. So when you try new things, include things like zip lining, attending an improv class, paintballing, rock climbing, etc. Don’t overdo it — you don’t have to force yourself to go bungee jumping — but do try something you both find exciting.
4. Create Something Together
Whether you want to create handmade gifts for Christmas together, or set about the aforementioned Italian language course, ending with a trip to Italy that you plan together, doesn’t matter so much as creating something together. There’s something to be said for those bonding and team building courses they have in most workplaces these days!
5. Date Nights
Yes, it’s a classic, but it’s important. Once a week you need a date night. Be it a dinner for two at a restaurant, a stay at home spa night, a candlelit dinner in the garden, a country walk and picnic, a bottle of wine in the hot tub…something where you can relax and dedicate yourself to one another.
6. Spend Time Apart
Yep, you heard me — time apart can actually help your relationship grow stronger!
In relationships we tend to focus on each other, for natural reasons. We also tend to become used to one another. Remember a piece of clothing you once bought that you were super excited about? Were you as excited the fifteenth time you wore it as the first time? Or did the excitement fade?
To bring excitement back into a relationship can be as easy as spending time apart for three days. By the end of day three you miss each other and get a kick out of seeing one another.
The time apart also helps you to remember to focus on yourself; your work, your friends, your family and YOU.
So once a week, spend a day all by yourself and once a month, or once every six weeks, spend a weekend apart (or another three days if weekends aren’t feasible). If you ever so often actually get out of town by yourself, that can add an extra kick to it, as you’ll get to experience something new by yourself.
7. Support One Another
What’s a goal, or several goals, you have for yourself? Make sure you both have your own goals that you are working on and show support for them. When someone comes home after a long day at work, give them a glass of wine, or rub their shoulders. Tell them you are proud of them. Tell them you know they’ll make it. Show you’ll help by making their life easier in some way so that they can focus on their goal. Show you care about them as a person, not just them as someone who loves you and cares for you.
Believing in someone can have a magical effect on their life. It’s literally like giving them wings. And the happier they are, the happier your relationship with them will be.
8. Read Some Books and Implement the Lessons
There are some incredible books on relationships out there. Really. Some are game changers. By reading them and implementing the lessons your relationship will grow. Remember the thing about stagnation? If you read a book every six months, discuss it, and implement what you feel necessary to implement, your relationships will grow.
Be sure not to overwhelm yourself with information — tackle one book at a time and implement one thing at a time.
These are some titles you might want to try:
The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman
The Mastery of Love – Don Miguel Ruiz
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love – Dr. Sue Johnson
Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationships by Letting Yourself Be Loved – Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt
The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida (this book is about male and female polarity and to some it will probably seem extreme, but it’s a well loved book by many)
9. Spice Up Your Love Life
Here are three things you need to do, if you are not already doing them:
- ensure you have time for yourself every week were you know you are relaxed and up for sex; if this doesn’t happen automatically, then plan for it
- read two books during the year to discover something you didn’t already know about sex and that you can try at home (if you hate reading, take classes)
- seduce once a month (actually plan something seductive once a month — you can take turn preparing surprises)
- make an effort to hug, cuddle, kiss and hold hands
Physical intimacy is a big deal for most people. It’s also what makes a relationship different from a friendship. So remember it and honor it.