I am not attracted to my boyfriend any more. What should I do?
Let’s say you’ve been with this guy for a rather long period of time. Everything is going GREAT, but you find yourself no longer being attracted to him. You’re wondering if the relationship is even worth it anymore! Well, I got to tell you: humans are complex creatures, and our love and attractions can change at the flip of the switch. We’re going to break down some of the reasons you may have lost attraction, how it feels to longer be attracted, and what you should do about it.
Reasons You’ve Lost Attraction
- Human Nature
At the beginning you probably found him extremely attractive; both his looks and his personality captivated you. Heck, he probably could have worn a trash bag and you’d still think he was the greatest looking man in town. But now? Not so much. Now you’re not finding yourself being attractive to him in the slightest, you may even find him kind of annoying or gross. But what’s your reason for losing the attraction? That’s the thing- sometimes there IS no reason. Sometimes, as humans, we simply lose attraction towards someone we once lost our breath over. It’s unexplainable, but it happens.
- He Did Something to Turn You Off
After being with someone for awhile, they start to open up a bit more. Unfortunately, this may mean coming in contact with some undesirable qualities. There may be something he does or some way he acts that completely turns you off. After seeing this new quality, you lost attraction for him; it’s something you simply can’t see past. And that’s okay that just means he probably wasn’t the one for you anyways.
- Someone Else Has Your Interest
Hate to say it, but sometimes we lose attraction for the person we are with when someone else starts to catch our attention. You may find yourself liking someone elses looks or personality more than the person you are with, making your boyfriend less desirable. Once again, this is just human nature and life, and it really can’t be explained. Love is about falling in love with the same person over and over again and if you can’t do that, then it’s time to move on.
How it Feels to Lose Attraction
- He Annoys You
So, all of the sudden, your boyfriend annoys you. You can’t seem to get through a full conversation without him saying or doing something that makes you want to claw your nails on a chalkboard. Things he used to say that were funny or cute are now just flat out annoying. All you really want is for him to be quiet because the second he opens his mouth, you are instantly annoyed.
- It’s a Chore to Be Around Him
He asks you out on a date, and all you want to say is ‘no’. But…. You haven’t seen him in almost 2 weeks because you’ve been avoiding him so you should probably breakdown and just see your boyfriend. But this feels like a chore, and you almost hate it. Yeah, you have definitely lost attraction at this point.
- You Don’t Want to Get Physical
When you’re attracted to someone you want to touch them. You want their hugs, their kisses, everything. You crave it. On the other hand, if you’ve lost attraction to someone, the touch of their hand makes you cringe. You really don’t want to get too close, and the thought of being intimate between the sheets sounds like 30 minutes of hell.
- You Check Out Other Men
If you find yourself with a case of the ‘wandering eye’, then you’ve lost interest in your boyfriend. I mean, why else would you be checking out other guys if you felt like you had the most amazing man waiting for you at home?
- You Don’t Miss Him
Like I mentioned earlier: you haven’t seen him in awhile. And to be perfectly honest, you don’t miss him at all. If you were attracted to him and in love with him, you would obviously crave to see him. But all you really want is to stay home or go do your own thing and you really don’t care when you will actually see him again.
- You Argue a Lot
Couples argue; that’s just the way relationships work. Perfectly natural and completely normal, right? Well, not when you can’t even go 10 minutes without something to argue about. Not only is that very unhealthy for the both of you, but it’s a sure sign you’re no longer attracted to your mate.
- You’re Jealous of Your Girlfriends’ Relationship
If you’re in a great relationship with your man, there’s no reason or room for you to be jealous of other relationships. However, if you find yourself longing for the relationship your girlfriends have, that’s a big issue. That’s a red flag that there is something very wrong in your current situation and you should probably move on.
What Should You Do?
- Talk to Him
Communication is KEY in a relationship- you know that and I know that. Talk to your mate about your issue. Let him know exactly how you feel and try and come up with a resolution if this is a relationship you truly want to invest in. It may hurt him, but sometimes the truth hurts. And you know what? Sometimes relationships have to go through a big, hurtful struggle to come out stronger than before. That being said, just be honest with your boyfriend and create a plan to make things work.
- Try and Spark the Flame
If you have lost attraction for your boyfriend, all it may take is a little bit of rekindling. If it feels like the flame is dying, it’s time to spark it back up! One great way to do this is to take a vacation together. It doesn’t have to be a super long trip- just get away with your man, JUST THE TWO OF YOU, for a few hours or even an overnight trip. Spend some time away from others and just focus on you and your partner. Go out to dinner, do something fun together, and open up the communication. At the end of the night, try to rev things up in the bedroom too. Try something new and just have fun with each other. All you may need is to have a moment alone with your man to remember why you loved him so dearly and found him so attractive in the beginning. You have no idea the magic of one on one time, and if you’re relationships been lacking some romance and fun, then this could be an easy fix to your issues.
- Take Some Time Apart
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder”; and that is SO true. The two of you may simply just need some time apart to think about the situation. After the break, if you feel you truly want to be with him and you miss him, then the relationship may make a wonderful turn for the better. On the other hand, after taking some time to yourself you may find you really have lost all affection for him and it’s time to move on. Alone time is absolutely important and taking some time apart can be a wonderful FIX to a problem, believe it or not!
- Break Up
This is a last result. No good relationship should break up for the heck of it, but if there is simply no other option then you may decide to end it. But remember- don’t just decide one morning to turn your key and close the relationship off for good. Like I mentioned earlier, try talking to him. Do everything you can (if you want to!) to spark up the flame and fall in love again. If that doesn’t work, try a short break. Take some time to think about what you truly want out of the relationship and if there’s any chance of falling back in love with him and finding him utterly attractive once again. If nothing works and you definitely feel you would be happier single or with a different man (eventually), then you need to end it. There is absolutely no need to hold on to a relationship with someone you are not interested in. You will only be wasting his and yours time and emotions on something that simply is not going to work out.
Love is difficult, isn’t it? Remember not to feel bad if you fall out of attraction with your partner. These things just happens. It may just mean that you need to rekindle your romance, or it may mean that you need to end the relationship and find someone that will continuously take your breath away until the end of time. It’s a hard problem but hopefully we were able to help! Have you ever found yourself in this situation? How did it end? Let’s hear your stories below!