My Boyfriend hates me what should i do?

By on March 27, 2016

We all end up in tiffs with those closest to us, such as family, friends and boyfriends. Sometimes we are to blame, sometimes they are. The important thing is to figure out what happened and how to resolve it. Below you will find some reasons why your boyfriend might have come to hate you for certain things (though he still loves you for others or he wouldn’t be with you) and what you can do about it.

You Keep Talking about Your Ex

Maybe you broke up with someone else recently and is still processing it. Maybe you have a tendency to compare the now with the “then” without even realizing it. Maybe you have a great relationship with your ex and still talk to him on the phone every day as his friend.

Whatever it may be, if you bring up your ex, your current boyfriend can start feeling inferior to him. Whilst you don’t see it that way and therefore don’t understand why your boyfriend is upset, try to refrain from talking about your ex for a while. Also make it clear that whilst you might still be processing a past relationships, or be friends with your ex, it’s not him you want. You want the man standing right in front of you.

You Keep Putting Him Down

We are all guilty of putting our boyfriend down at some point or another – whether we joke about his poor cooking skills, or compare his abs to those of Chris Hemsworth, there comes a time when we say something offensive, even if it was just in jest. Sometimes we get a habit of doing this too much. Maybe we think we’re just having a laugh. Maybe all the other girlies are joking about their men too in front of them. Maybe you like sarcasm. The truth is still that your man wants to be appreciated. Especially in front of others.

You Take Him for Granted

There was a time when you ran home from work to see your man, came up with exquisite date nights, cooked for him, gave him massages and dressed up from head to toe to try to impress him. Nowadays you have so much on your mind with your career, your social life has exploded, your family needs you and you tend to see your boyfriend a bit here and there when time allows. In other words, you’ve started taking your boyfriend for granted. You love each other, so there’s no need to do anything for the relationship, is there? Of course there is! For anything to be good it has to grow and develop.

You’re Always There

Just as annoying as never being there and taking him for granted, is always being there. He needs time for his hobbies, his friends and his family. Without you there. People need space to be themselves. You fell in love with him for who he was and the life he led, so don’t try to take that away from him by being everywhere. He needs time to miss you.

You Control Everything

You book his dentist appointments, you make sure he remembers his mother’s birthday, you choose his clothes for work, you insist his birthday is celebrated the way you want it to be celebrated and you pick the furniture at home. The only thing is, he’s an individual. If you remove the individual there’s nothing left. Sooner or later he will likely come to hate you for it as well, as people want to be loved for who they are, not who you want them to be.

You Don’t Need Him

As couples we should complement each other; help balance each other. However, some women have gotten it into their heads that if they show any sign of needing their man to do anything for them, they’re inferior. If they can’t reach the thing on the top shelf, they climb a ladder. If they can’t open something, they use forceps. If their bags are heavy, they get a trolley. If they get scared when watching a horror movie, they turn on the light. Because low and behold they can do that. It’s just, asking someone for help ever so often doesn’t undermine your ability. We get it, you can do anything. That doesn’t mean you have to. Especially if there is someone next to you dying to show his manliness. He wants to give you his jacket when you are cold, even if he knows if you start jogging you will be fine. He wants to hold the door for you, even if he knows you are strong enough to hold it yourself. He wants to show he can do something for you. Even if he knows he doesn’t need to, as you are a strong independent woman, he just wants to spoil you when doing it and feel like you appreciate him for it.

Just let him feel like you need him. A little bit. So that he can feel like he’s actually giving you something more than cuddles.

You Never Praise Him in Bed

Here’s the thing, men think that they need to please you. If they aren’t sure whether they did or didn’t, they don’t know if you are truly happy with them and they start feeling unhappy with themselves. Tell him he’s a sex God. Just do it.

You Flirt with Everyone

If you are the catch, he will be so happy to have gotten you. If you shine when out at parties and men look twice as you go by, because you radiate confidence and warmth, he will feel like such a stud. However, if you invite all the men to flirt with you when out, as opposed to showing him off to the world, well…he won’t be that happy, even if he’s the one you walk home with.

Show him off when you go out. Be proud to have him by your side. The prouder you are, the better he will feel.

He’s Just Grumpy

You feel like your boyfriend hates you, but you don’t know why. You’ve tried all the above – you’re showering him in compliments, you show you need him, you take time out for him (whilst also having time for yourself), you let him run his life, you don’t talk about your ex and in general things seem fine, apart from that grumpiness. So what’s wrong? The best way to find out is to ask him.

You Ignore His Wishes

Whenever you ask what he thinks, you disregard what he says and go ahead with what you were planning to do anyway, without acknowledging his thoughts. You need to learn to compromise ever so often.

You Air Your Relationship with Everyone

If you tell everyone and their dog about your man and exactly what is going on in your relationship, he might end up a bit grumpy unless he’s as open about things as you are.

Conclusion

A relationship requires work and we often do things unintentionally that piss off other people, including our boyfriend. We need to learn to ask, as well as watch how he reacts to us to find out what works and what doesn’t. Communication and relationships, like anything else, is an art. It’s not about pleasing someone constantly, but rather just as saying please and thank you, there are ways of doing things in a manner that’s respectful and where the other person feels appreciated.

11 Comments

  1. Chitra Nathan

    November 2, 2018 at 8:08 pm

    I love my bf so much but since last 2weeks I appeared online on whats app continuously.. I was not cheating.. But he was doubting.. We have long distance relationship & we r able to meet once in a year only that too just on airport..we had plan to meet on 2nd November but on 1st November when he was at the airport I did not ask much & went online on wa to message my brother about his xams.. His doubt grew more & he said I m disgusting cheat.. I m an evil.. He blocked me from everywhere & said u have lost me forever.. Somehow I convinced him to meet by accessing my gmail id but due to so many problems I was not able to reach on time.. I reached when only 5mints were left to meet him.. The train I was in was delayed.. No network was available at that station.. I got very late & he scolded me very badly.. He said I want nothing from u and he gave me earrings & chocolate even after frustration & anger for me.. I was broken.. I m trying my best to make him understand everything.. Yesterday he said he does not need me anymore.. I m broken.. I do not feel I should be alive anymore.. He was the one I loved the most after god & my dad.. I can’t loose him & I cannot love once again some other man..my love is true.. Deep rooted in heart..i love him more than my life & he is my soul.. I behaved so dumb.. I had no money & still I took conveyance to reach on time in the end & said the driver to take the money the next day and I gave my number to the driver.. My hands were shivering typing on gmail id & calling him..i had no stamina to walk..i was running like mad person to search him on the airport.. After so much difficulty I was able to meet him.. But those 5mints were not so happy moments.. Please help.. Please guide me if anyone can..: (

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 2, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      He believed that you were cheating on him. You were not. He blocked you, which means that he is no longer interested in nourishing a relationship with you. This relationship ended because of his concerns and your inability to accept his concerns and change your behaviors. Apply this lesson to your future relationships. If he reaches out to you in the future, then share your kindness and compassion with him. Have a great day, Chitra!

  2. Eve

    August 22, 2018 at 4:42 am

    I boyfriend hates me so much. He has so much anger with me…because for 5-6 months i was stress and had so much hurt so i blasted at him..and traumatized him..now he loves me but hates me so much. He has super low tolerance for me..and he is very unstable.. he says he needs peace…but i dunno how..i am clingy…insecure cause i scared he will be like my ex that cheated on me..we nearly broke up abt more than 10 times…but we both wan to carry on trying..but he has a lot of negativity..i dunno how to make the relationship better

    • Eve

      August 22, 2018 at 4:43 am

      My not I for the first part sorry

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 22, 2018 at 10:45 pm

      You are aware that this relationships is stressed. Determine what you want for your future. Decide what you believe is appropriate and acceptable with this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he makes the decision to continue to treat you poorly, then determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Eve!

  3. Jen

    July 30, 2018 at 3:49 am

    my boyfriend hates me maybe its because i have all my time for him i baby him. Does it wrong?

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 30, 2018 at 11:22 pm

      His behaviors are indications that he is upset. Speak with him about his thoughts and feelings. There may be many influences in his life. Ensure that he treats you with respect. If he chooses to abuse you, then end this relationship. Decide what is appropriate for the future of this relationship. Have a great day, Jen!

  4. Kate

    February 22, 2018 at 3:46 am

    My boyfriend is like swper controlling in everything. Today I tried a new hairstyle become we were going out and he was totally like I told you not to do that hairstyle why did you do it and I tell him become I wanted to look pretty and he finally can tell me I look good and he started calling Me names and acting like it was my foult that I wanted to impress him so he could stop looking at others … What should I do ?!

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 22, 2018 at 9:05 pm

      Your partner is controlling and may be having thoughts about other people. Take this time to determine what you think is appropriate for this relationship. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Kate!

  5. Marie

    February 7, 2018 at 12:42 pm

    I have tried all that. My boyfriend, actually fiancé in the non traditional way (no asking me while on bended knee) and I wear a wedding ring not an engagement ring. He wears nothing and it has been 2 1/2 years now. I know lately he got back into working out, I’ve caught him on testosterone before, I never knew until moving in. Now he’s snapping at everything I say, do, and I’m following the above so I have not stepped out of bounds. He knows he has me “stuck”, because financially I have no way of paying him until I get a job. I’ve been diagnosed with a rare blood cancer(7 months ago), and he acts as if “you’re sick again” after I have iron infusions etc. he knows my life, yet he has been snapping at everything I say, do, not say, not do. I don’t know what to do, I love him but I’m not a punching bag with a leash. He freely doesn’t wear any ring claiming he wouldn’t anyway, because his hobbies are not easy to wear ring. I’m about to leave but I won’t come back. We both have daughters from previous marriages , so this is serious. I won’t allow to be abused again, if he’s back on testosterone I don’t know and won’t know but the signs are there. He skips gym but is getting bigger . He lies and says by”food or creatinine “ or etc. I’m not stupid, what do I do?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 8, 2018 at 7:09 pm

      It sounds as though you are in a neglectful relationship. If you and your children are at risk of abuse, then immediately end this relationship with you. If he abuses you, then speak with the legal authorities. Strengthen your relationship with your friends and family at this time. Best of luck, Marie!

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