Should You Kiss On The First Date?

By on April 29, 2017

To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question. So what is the answer? Well, it depends on the date and how you feel about it.

Setting the Pace

If you believe in taking things slow and prefer to talk to someone and really get to know them before initiating physical contact, then you should not kiss on a first date. After all, kissing is intimate and one form of intimacy often leads to other forms of intimacy. If someone kisses you they assume they’ll be able to hold your hand, hug you and kiss you on future dates if the chemistry keeps building. Of course kissing also eventually leads to sex, but this won’t happen unless you’re somewhere private, so you can control that.

If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t feel comfortable with physical contact until you know someone, be up front about it. Don’t sit someone down to have a serious talk about it, but ask how he sees dating and tell him that you love to date to get to know someone, but you’re the kind of person who doesn’t let people close physically until you know them. Tell him you love having fun and exploring physical intimacy, but not until you feel comfortable, as it’s just awkward to you.

If you have such a conversation it’s also important to remember to initiate physical contact when you feel comfortable. Touch his arm, or thigh when making a point and hold his hand when the opportunity presents itself. That will give him a clue you’re ready for kissing. Otherwise he might feel insecure about when to cross the line and if physical chemistry doesn’t build you risk being written off as friend material.

If You Just Don’t Know

You went on a date, you had some fun, but you aren’t sure about the chemistry. Should you respond if he signals he’s about to kiss you, or should you keep your distance?

It’s important to signal you’re having a good time and building chemistry, in case you want a second date. However, if you don’t feel like kissing him, don’t. There’s nothing worse than a bad first kiss!

Rather keep a bit of distance, but at the same time be open and friendly. Touch him when you make a point, but don’t let him get too close if you’re walking together. When you say goodbye make sure you tell him you had a good time and would like to see him again to…explore a bit further… Tease him. Leave him something to look forward to. That way you haven’t just hurt his feelings by trying to keep a distance from him, signaling you aren’t interested.

If You Don’t Want to Kiss Him Because You Don’t Like Him

If there’s no chemistry you definitively shouldn’t kiss the guy! Not even if you feel sorry for him because he’s trying so hard to impress you. Just make it clear through your body language that you aren’t interested. However, to soften the blow, be open and talkative. Try to make him feel good about himself, even if you aren’t interested.

If, on the other hand, you happened to end up on a date with a guy who can’t take a hint and keeps pushing for a kiss, simply say no and, if you want to, end the date. Don’t let yourself be pushed around by a guy.

Does He Think You Want Sex if You Kiss?

No. It’s perfectly normal to give someone a kiss on a first date, without for that matter going to bed with him any time soon.

Of course, if you just had dinner at his place, it’s another matter entirely. Most people avoid meeting up in private unless they’re ready for sex. Even if you think you can say no to his advances in private (should he make any) it’s not always that easy to think rationally when you have a hot man kissing you! All those plans about not having sex till you know him properly may just fly out the window!

If you’re out in public and he starts kissing you, also beware how far you let it go. There’s one thing to have a short, kiss, it’s another to be making out like there’s no tomorrow. If you start to properly make out, he’ll expect more sooner or later. Still, there’s no saying you’ll give it to him though…just beware he’ll expect it!

If You Really Want to Kiss Him

If you want a guy to kiss you, show him! Touch him when speaking to him, sit close to him and flirt with him. Of course, it’s important that you pace yourself though and gauge his reaction. Basically, don’t throw yourself at him, but rather tease him till he just can’t help but kissing you!

Will a Relationship Be Better if You Wait With Kissing?

No. There is some research that suggests that the longer you wait with sex, the greater the likelihood of staying together. However, this could be based on a misrepresentation, because people who wait two months to have sex with everyone know much more whether they like someone or not. So they don’t have sex if they don’t like them and therefore don’t end up with a failed relationship. If you have sex on a second date, then yes, of course the chances of discovering two weeks later that you don’t like someone and breaking it off after having sex is much greater.

In other words, you probably don’t really know if you like someone until you’ve known them for two or three months. If you hook up with them during those first two or three months, you’re taking a gamble. You don’t really know them, so the chances of you staying together are slimmer. In other words, you staying together or not has nothing to do with the sex, really. It’s just that the longer you wait, the better you know them.

Now kissing, to most, isn’t as big a deal as having sex with someone. If, however, you only want to kiss people with whom you have a genuine heart and soul connection, then wait to find out if you do. A kiss doesn’t seal some invisible deal saying that the guy will call you back after the date, nor does it mean he has a genuine interest in you. He may very well just be attracted to you physically.

The First Kiss Disappointment

Some people are great at kissing, some aren’t. It’s a matter of matching each other, really, and not necessarily that some people actually kiss better. The matching thing tends to happen over time though, so to rule someone out as a terrible kisser after just the one kiss is often wrong. Not least because they may be nervous just then.

Also, sometimes a guy is eager to kiss you after a great date, but terrible at picking the right moment. He might be nervous and chooses the absolute worst time to kiss you. Don’t be too put off. When it comes to dating the experts say you should always give it two dates because first impressions rarely last. People are nervous on first dates and often show off their worst sides. The connection that would have naturally happened if you were both relaxed doesn’t. This is also why many recommend a first date to be really relaxed in some setting where you do something other than talk. For example, you go bowling, or visit a museum so you have less pressure to constantly talk.

Attraction doesn’t always happen right away. Sometimes people fall in love after years of knowing someone because they suddenly see them in a new light. The least you can do is give it two dates!

Kissing and STDs

Can you get an STD from kissing? Well, yes, you can get herpes. Chances are you already have it though.

There are two forms of herpes: mouth herpes and herpes down below. The mouth version (which can flare up on other body parts too, though unlikely) is so common an estimated 90% of the population in America suffers from it, as it’s often passed down from generation to generation. Even if you don’t kiss a lot of men, the day you get a boyfriend the chances that he has it is about 90%…so…

In theory you can get other STDs given the person happens to have a mouth wound and some minimal amount of blood is found in the saliva. The chances of this happening is close to nil, but it could happen. Basically, don’t kiss someone who said they just bit their tongue, went to the dentist that day, or who has a big cold sore on their lip.

In theory you can also get HIV through kissing, but there are no records of it ever happening.

In short, you’re much more likely to catch the common cold when kissing than you are catching any other STD than mouth herpes. If you get naked with them and start touching their genitals, that’s when the real risk of STDs come about. Before that happens you should do your research and both get tested. That way you’re safe.


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