I Have a Crush on My Friend – How Can I Tell Him?
It’s always an interesting situation when you find yourself attracted to someone – be it someone you just met or someone you’ve known for years. However, if you are good friends, or even work or go to school together, it can get even more “interesting” as you don’t want to spoil your friendship, at the same time as you have to find out if there really is a spark. So let’s have a look at what you can do to find out if this crush could lead to a relationship and if so how to approach it, or if you should bin the idea of the crush and move onto someone else.
Lower the Stakes
First of all, before you freak out about suddenly developing feelings for someone, remember that there were guys before him and will be guys after him. You are totally awesome and will meet the right person at the right time. Most importantly you deserve someone who adores you. If that’s not him, move on, simply because it’s no fun dreaming of a guy you can’t have. Much better to get out and play with the ones you can have.
Point being: if this guy doesn’t turn out to be ‘the one,’ it’s not the end of the world. So don’t fret about it.
Why Are You Attracted to Him?
There are different reasons we are attracted to people. Sometimes it’s because we have a few similarities; we feel like we really enjoy the other person as we get along so well. Ironically sometimes what we are attracted to is a person that will treat us like everyone else has in the past – someone who proves our thoughts about ourselves to be true (which is why you should always work out your own shit before dating someone). Other times it’s because of pure physical attraction. Yet, other times because the guy knows exactly how to play us – there are buttons that men can learn to press and some get really good at it. Then there is true love when we feel a heart and soul connection to someone.
Have a little think – why are you attracted to your friend all of a sudden? Are they the player type everyone’s falling for because they know what to do and say to make people feel great (nothing wrong with that, but know if you are falling for just that or all of them)? Are they genuinely someone you have a strong connection with? Or are you just having a bit of a dry spell and they happen to be steaming hot and you just can’t help being attracted to them, even if you know you aren’t really a fit?
The reason you need to think about this, is because you need to know if it’s worth pursuing. We’ve all had crushes that ended as soon as they started and it might not be worth risking the friendship by confessing your feelings if you don’t truly have them, or worse: breaking the guy’s heart in the process.
Has He Ever Shown Any Interest in You?
Whether we think so, or not, we usually show our feelings in one way or another. Whether our voice changes when we speak to someone, or we accidentally sit staring at them unaware of what we are doing, or we get a bit nervous when we speak to them, or simply, we become flirtatious around them, it shows. Somehow. And when someone is interested in you, you usually get a feeling that they are. It’s a vibe. Have you ever gotten that vibe from the guy you are interested in?
Of course, there is the exception to the rule whereby someone is really good at hiding their feelings, or don’t know they have them in the first place – it takes a little tinkering for them to realize.
The point with this is that if you have never gotten a vibe of interest from the guy, chances are he isn’t interested. But, that said, you might never have given him any vibes and that’s why he has decided to shut that door. Once you open up, he might as well.
Ask Your Friends
No, don’t ask the gossips. Ask your closest friend(s) what they think. What vibe are they getting from him? Do they catch him staring at you when you aren’t looking? Is he more nervous around you than others? Is he staring at someone else?
If they are really good friends with him they could even ask him things casually, like if it isn’t about time he started dating someone (again)? And who would he be a great match with? Then give him three suggestions, including you and see what happens. Just make sure they aren’t obvious.
Really ensure you trust your friends to be cool with this because the worst thing is friends being blatantly obvious in their enquires.
How to Tell if a Guy Is Interested
There are a few tricks to find out what a guy really thinks of you.
One is to get dressed up in a sexy dress and check out his reaction when he sees you. If he hardly notices, chances are he isn’t attracted to you. If he suddenly gets really nervous, or can’t stop staring at you on the other hand…
Another way to figure it out is to play the old jealousy card. You have to be careful with this one though, because it can backfire. It’s better checking his reaction whilst gently hitting on someone else or making a comment about someone being hot, as opposed to lying and saying you have a date, or a crush on someone. If he’s really into you, he might get another date just to feel better about himself.
The last and most obvious way – start flirting with him. Make sure you do the dress up thing as well, so he gets to see the sexy you, but apart from that say a couple of things that could be interpreted as flirtatious, but that won’t get you in trouble if he doesn’t react. Use innuendo to your favor. And when in his presence don’t be scared to get close to him at times, naturally give him a pat on the arm to emphasis a point and so on. Send a few texts that could lead the discussion in a certain direction, but that aren’t blatantly obvious. Of course how you say it depends on who he is and who you are, but for example, say he sends you a text about what you are doing. You: “Uhm, planning what to wear tomorrow. Very important stuff. LOL” Him: “Super important.” You: “It is!!! I could be cute, sexy, nerdy-smarty-cool… I mean I could totally change my world with what I wear :p” This leaves him an opener to talk about the sexy or cute bit. Especially if you ask him what he thinks.
Another way to answer a question about what you are doing: “‘I’m having a totally hot date with Netflix.” “LOL” “Yeah what’s a girl to do? I’m bored…” Again, it’s an opener. If he swallows the bait you can ask if he will promise to be as good entertainment as a smoking hot Chris Hemsworth…
If he asks if you wanna join him for something, you can answer something like “Depends. I was planning a hot date with Netflix. Do you promise this will beat it?” Basically, ever so often hint at something and leave an opener for him to flirt. Sometimes it can be as easy as adding dot dot dot, or a winkie. Don’t try it too often though, because it will become obvious and if he never responds to it, he either doesn’t get it, or simply thinks it awkward.
Also, if you are in your teens sexual innuendo isn’t a great idea. Innuendo, yes, sexual…that can get a bit much. More steer it in a cute, romantic direction than a blatantly sexual one.
Should You Tell Him Straight Out?
I usually go with the flirting route – if he responds to mild flirting, then he is interested. Even if he wasn’t interested before, the flirting might open his eyes. And mild flirting, teasing, joking around, prevents awkwardness, because if he doesn’t respond in kind, you don’t have anything to be ashamed of. Flirting can be in your personality. If, on the other hand, you attach yourself to him like glue, or say something downright obvious, then it can create awkwardness. Of course though, flirting requires that you pick up on his signals – if he doesn’t pick up on it, then you have to stop. If he, on the other hand, replies in kind, then you can keep pursuing it.
Simply confessing straight up that you have a crush on someone often results in awkwardness, rather take baby steps to get there. There are, of course, times when you might have to confess straight up, but if you can, try and gauge the situation beforehand. Most men, as I said, will show they are interested, in one way or another. You just have to give them a tiny go ahead to do so. If they aren’t great at flirting, you might have to give them more than a tiny go ahead, but just take it easy and see where it heads, as opposed to throwing yourself by their feet. Remember: men want something to fight for. Tease and flirt with him until he starts fighting for you… Make him work.