14 Signs You Are Not Attracted to Your Boyfriend Anymore

By on March 27, 2016

At some point or another attraction will fade in a relationship. Then the first thing to do is to try and spice things up again. Attraction always fades if you fail growing together; exploring new things together and learning about each other as you grow. Stagnation leads to things fading out into nothing – it’s like water, you have to keep the stream running to have fresh water. However, if you still keep seeing signs that the attraction has faded, then it might be time to discuss either couples therapy, or a breakup. Below you find some warning signs for when it’s time to do something about your fading attraction.

1. You’ve Lost Interest in Sex

This is maybe the most obvious sign of all that something is wrong. Women often don’t want sex when they feel there is something else lacking in the relationship. Other times, of course, it’s just the sex life that’s grown stagnant. From creating a deeper spiritual connection through tantra, to more exciting sex and a trip where you have time for each other, there are ways to bring the spark back to life.

Of course, a loss of libido might also be caused by stress, depression, or little time to look after yourself. The first person you have to look after to get your sex drive going is, believe it or not, yourself. When your mind and body are happy, your sex drive will automatically increase.

2. You Don’t Feel Like Going on Dates

You know how a night out with your man used to give your butterflies? Now you put on whatever you can find, pull a comb through your hair and walk out the door. If you are no longer trying to impress your man and make him desire you, there is a reason for it, be it exhaustion in general, or a lack of interest in him.

3. You Just Can’t Stop Thinking of That Guy…

Whether it’s your new colleague at work, your neighbor, or that guy in the TV show…there’s someone you can’t get out of your head. You compare him to your boyfriend and you cringe as your boyfriend comes up short. Or, you know you don’t really want him as he’s really not your type or someone to be in a relationship with, but…your boyfriend just seems sooooo boring right now. Is it because something’s lacking in the relationship that can be fixed, or have you realized that you fell in love with some parts of him and when you got to know him better discovered there was more to him you don’t like? Or because you have grown apart and you feel no desire to know the “new” man by your side?

4. You Make Up Excuses to Spend Time Apart

You used to count the minutes till you got to see your guy, now you have filled your diary with social and work engagements so as to have to spend less time with him. Are you avoiding a confrontation about something, or are you just not that into him anymore?

5. Every Little Thing Annoys You

In the beginning it was cute how he always had his hair so messy. Now it’s irritating. In the beginning you didn’t care that he was always ten minutes late, now it drives you insane. His jokes aggregate you. The topics he chooses to talk about bore you. When it gets to the point that the way he butters the toast is starting to bug you, it’s time to do a serious evaluation of what’s going on. Is it really the toast? Or is there something deeper that bugs you, which comes out in the small things? Can you sort out that big thing, or is it time to say goodbye?

Many of us who are scared of intimacy create problems in a relationship that don’t exist. Others put up with an array of things that bug them because they are scared of losing what little they have, as they fear not finding something better. Have a look at where it is you stand and what you would truly love.

6. He’s Not Impressive Anymore

When he tries to impress you, you look at him without being the least bit impressed. That thing that used to make you smile, now leaves you feeling empty, or makes you cringe.

7. You Stop Telling Him Things

By the end of a long day you used to long to come home to your man and share what had happened. Now you call a friend, turn on the tele, or crawl into bed with a book. You no longer feel like sharing your thoughts with your guy, be it because you’ve learnt he’s disrespectful, you don’t trust him, or you have started mentally distancing yourself as you feel the attraction fading.

The truth is that intimacy creates attraction. If you want to save the relationship you have to let him get to know you as you are now and get to know him all over again. Otherwise, the flame will burn out.

8. You Don’t Think of Him When Having Sex

Sex fantasies in the bedroom can be great. Never thinking of him anymore when having sex, or wishing he was someone else…not so great. If he’s that boring in the bedroom you either have to have a talk about how to create some excitement, or call it a day.

9. You Avoid His Friends and Family

You used to be able to put up with, or even adored, his friends and family. Now, because you feel something isn’t right in the relationship, you’ve started avoiding them too.

10. Your Future Plans No Longer Include Him

Whether you are daydreaming about a vacation to the Bahamas, or seriously thinking about having babies, you realize that the pictures in your mind’s eye don’t include the guy you’re dating anymore.

11. You Don’t Feel Like Introducing Him to Friends

Before when you went out you couldn’t wait to show off your guy. Whether you took him to a work do, introduced him to friends, or simply walked with him down the street, you were beaming because you felt you had the coolest guy in the world next to you. Now you don’t feel like taking him anywhere.

12. When You Speak to Friends You Are No Longer Enthusiastic

When you first met him you talked about him to your friends all the time. Now you say nothing, or your complain about him. You no longer get that dreamy look in your eye and sit for hours talking about how great your latest date was. Rather, you focus on how hot Justin Bieber, or Brad Pitt looked in that one shot, or you discuss work, friends…anything but him.

13. You Aren’t Trying to Spoil Him Any Longer

You used to get up at six am to make him breakfast in bed, you came up with incredible date nights and every once in a while you left him notes telling him how hot he is. Now you don’t feel inspired to buy him gifts, or come up with romantic things to do for him. If you want to save the relationship it might be time to do it, even if it doesn’t inspire you.

14. You No Longer Text or Call

There was a time when a text from him made your heart beat faster. Now you don’t even check the phone when it beeps and those sexts and cute messages? You just don’t send them anymore. If away for the weekend you don’t even long to call him.


Signs of attraction fading for someone doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over – everyone faces periods when they struggle – it means something isn’t right. Maybe you haven’t put in enough effort, there’s some underlying problem, or you just haven’t had enough time together to grow together as of late. Whatever it is, you need to look at it. And if you realize there actually is nothing wrong, you’re just bored with him as you have come to understand you are too different, then it’s time to move on.

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