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    Best Ways to Respond to the Silent Treatment

    By on February 21, 2017

    There is truly nothing more devastating than getting the silent treatment from someone you love. In all honesty, you would probably rather be yelling at each other for hours instead of being left alone without a single response to all of your efforts. It is one of the most treacherous things that someone can do to another person, but there are ways to get through it- and our helpful tips and responses will ensure you still have your pride and confidence, even when you are going through something as horrible as this.

    Is silent treatment abuse?

    You might be thinking that calling the silent treatment abuse is somewhat harsh. After all, there is a vast majority of individuals who only consider bodily harm as abuse. And this is somewhat true- bodily harm and injury is a form of abuse known as physical abuse, but there are two other types of abuse that are just as horrible, if not worse: physical and emotional abuse. And the silent treatment just so happens to be both.

    Think about how you feel when you’re getting the silent treatment from someone you love and cherish. You sit there feeling alone and sad, thinking that you do not deserve even a small response from them. You think you are completely deserving of being left in the corner lonely and miserable, because everything is your fault anyways. And aside from feeling like a worthless piece of dirt, you spend hours going through mental torture, wondering what the other person is thinking or doing during their time of absence and silence. This is why the silent treatment is considered a form of abuse.

    Gain Some Confidence

    We all know just how important having self confidence is, whether we are going through the silent treatment or not. But working on your self confidence will ensure you stay feeling secure, worthy, and happy, even when you’re going through tough ordeals such as the silent treatment.

    You see, the silent treatment is designed to make you feel like you are undeserving or everything, even something as little as a response from the one who claims to love you. It is designed to make you feel so small and belittled, that when you come back, you are under their thumb. It is a form of manipulation, control, and of course abuse. But to a happy and confident individual, the silent treatment will have absolutely no effect.

    One more thing to keep in mind is to continue to boost your confidence while the silent treatment is happening; this will help the time pass by more quickly and help you to focus on other things other than feeling upset or going crazy trying to figure out what is on their mind. Go out with your friends, hit the gym, get a massage- do whatever you need to do to keep yourself calm, happy, and most importantly, confident.

    Do Not Beg for a Response

    One of the most important and biggest pieces of advice anyone could ever give you is to NEVER beg for a response from someone giving you the silent treatment.

    Of course you want to talk to them. It is driving you absolutely crazy that they don’t respond. You’re becoming so desperate that you’re belittling yourself to begging them for an answer. Do you know how this makes you look? It makes you look like a complete fool. It makes you look like you NEED them in your life, like you cannot live without them. They are your entire world and you can’t take another second without them. This is something you want to completely avoid in every sense. Even though it is probably killing you inside that your beloved is not answering you, do NOT beg. Ever.

    Aside from looking like a weak worm begging for a response, another reason to completely avoid begging is because the narcissistic individual giving the silent treatment actually likes it. Yes, it’s sick to think about, but when you beg to a narcissistic person, it makes them feel even better about themselves and may actually prolong the length of time in which they give you the silent treatment. They know at this point they have you wrapped around their finger and they want to enjoy it even more, with the smuggest and most vile smile on their face.

    Never Let Them Know it Is Effecting You

    Another big piece of advice is to never let them know that their silent treatment is effecting you in any way. You see, to a narcissistic person, they feel good knowing they are getting to you. It is their main goal, and if you let them know it’s bothering you, they feel like they have won. In their controlling and manipulative head, they are the bigger and better person and they can mess with you any way they please. Letting them know that their tactics are working will only make them want to continue the silent treatment for a longer period of time, and they will want to use this treatment more often because they know it will work each and every time.

    This is obviously another reason why the silent treatment is abuse: they want you to hurt, and they want you to show it to them. This, in turn, makes them feel happy. It makes them feel like they’re the most important person in the world and they ‘own’ you and your mind.

    Whatever you do, do not show them that their silent treatment is effecting you. Even if it is, keep it to yourself and try to find something else to occupy you.

    Do Not Try to Argue With Them

    Someone who is giving you the silent treatment is probably someone who is incredibly angry with you to begin with. Whether it was something small or large, whether it was one sided or you both played a role, the fact of the matter is they are angry and the only way they know how to deal with it is to completely cut you off. That being said, trying to argue with them even further is not going to help the situation whatsoever. Sure, you may get a couple responses here and there, but they won’t be happy responses and they certainly won’t be responses that are leaning towards the two of you actually getting together and working everything out.

    Although you may also be upset about whatever has gone on, it’s best to not try and argue with someone when they are giving you the silent treatment. The best thing is to stay quiet and let things cool off a bit.

    Do Not Apologize for No Reason

    Sometimes people argue because they disagree about something, and if that is the case in your situation, do not apology if you truly meant what you said. Apologizing when you have absolutely no reason to, just to get this person to talk to you, is a very cowardly way to fix the situation. It also lets them know that they were ‘right’ and you were ‘wrong’; so whatever you were arguing about, forget about your argument. Apologizing completely rules out anything that you have said and they will believe they were right from here on out. Just because you miss them and want them to respond, does not mean you have to let down your own thoughts and opinions. Be confident and secure in yourself.

    On the other hand, there are certain times where you probably should apologize. For instance: if you cheated on your partner and they found out about it and they don’t want to talk to you for awhile, then you probably should send them a short text message to let them know that you are sorry for what you have done. But just simply state your apology and move on. Do not continuously message them with apologies. One sincere apology is enough.

    Do Not Keep Bugging Them

    Sending message after message is not going to get them to talk to you. If anything, all they are going to do is be completely annoyed with you and not want to respond. Instead, find some other ways to communicate with someone who is giving you the silent treatment:

    -Let them know that you want to try and communicate through the problem in a different manner. For instance: maybe you demanded them to do something, and they didn’t like feeling like you were treating them as if they were a slave. Let them know you acknowledge that you approached the situation wrong and you would like to try again in a different way.

    -Ask them only once if there is anything that you can do to help with the situation, or if there is any way you can help them to feel more open to communicating with you. Extending a hand can be very useful, especially if someone is used to completely shutting down after an argument.

    -If all else fails, you can use a more combative move to end the silent treatment. If they refuse to say anything to you at all, then simply telling them that ‘you were right since they can’t respond’ will almost always rev up a response. However, you DO need to expect the narcissistic person to become incredibly angry when you say something like that. They will come at you in a combative way, but this will open up the line of communication. When things start to become heated, you can tone it down and try and get the conversation back to a more subtle tone so it can truly be worked out.

    Find Better Ways to Communicate

    If your partner is the type to give the silent treatment often, you need to find better ways to communicate. Most of the time, simply working on finding better ways to communicate at home is enough and you can almost always find a good way to communicate to replace the silent treatment. However, some people are over-the-top when it comes to their narcissistic behavior and will need more professional treatment. This can be very useful, especially if trying to find better ways to communicate does not seem to work out on your own. Also note that there are some people out there who absolutely do not want to change, and if this individual cannot stop abusing you with the silent treatment, it would probably be best to leave them completely.

    Find Out the Deeper Issues

    Sometimes there is a deeper issue to the silent treatment. Think about it: what triggers the silent treatment most often? Sometimes it is something as simple as the way that YOU are communicating with someone. Perhaps you’re approaching situations much more rudely than you should, and taking a different approach could avoid the situation altogether. Perhaps the two of you do not know how to work and solve an issue together, immediately going into a rage the second something even small happens. Take a good look at what  before the silent treatment begins, especially if the silent treatment is something that happens rather often. Working with the one you love can be a huge help when battling the treacherous silent treatment!

    At the end of the day, the silent treatment just plain sucks. It’s mentally torturing and just an awful way to deal with any problem. The most important things to remember is that you need to maintain your confidence and dignity during the silent treatment. Do not bug them to respond, do not beg them for a reply, and absolutely do not try and argue with them. The best options are to be calm and in control, sending them a loving and caring message that intrigues them to calm down and talk it out. If nothing else works, wait it out and try and find better ways of communicating with this person.

    Have you ever been the victim of the silent treatment? How did you handle it? Have you ever given someone the silent treatment? Why? Share all your stories.

    94 Comments

    1. Etta

      June 3, 2018 at 11:53 am

      I upset him several weeks ago via email. He wrote back saying he’s confused and upset. So I’ve apologized since. Now though he’s reading my emails, I know because I have an email tracker, he’s not responding. So.in essence he’s giving me the silent treatment (I didn’t know this until I read about it here, so I thank you). But how long is it suppose to last? About 1.5 weeks ago I saw him, and he did turn around and smiled, then put his down, so I kept going.
      Sometimes he’ll read my old emails, especially the apology ones. But why?
      I would like to think he does care after all, but his lack of response is bothering me, while Im trying my best to be positive about it.
      I’ve been told to forget him, but find that I can’t. I was also told that he’s also shy and introverted. Yet it seems to me that his actions doesn’t describe a shy person. But I don’t know really.
      Yet he does read my messages, even the old ones.
      Im not even trying to give up on him, and I’m the confused one now.

      • web admin

        web admin

        June 3, 2018 at 10:49 pm

        You have been seeking advice for a while now regarding this relationship. It is certain that you are looking to take appropriate action. You are the only one who can make this decision. Look inward and determine what you want for your future. Take appropriate action and ensure that you act with kindness and compassion. Make a decision and stick with it. Have a great day, Etta!

      • Juine

        June 5, 2018 at 5:33 pm

        I have the same problem with you My gf is giving me silent treatment beuse of the things I unintentionally commit that I didn’t know hurt or stressed her.She reads my email too but not responding. We’ve been like this for a month and sad to say i am now suffering with anxiety and depression but she doean’t care I guess.

        • web admin

          web admin

          June 6, 2018 at 9:51 pm

          She has decided to end this relationship with you. Whether or not you agree with her perceptions and reasons, this relationship has come to a close. Your feelings will guide your behaviors, so ensure that you fill your actions with positive energy. Allow thoughts of her to fade, as it has been a month since you spoke. Learn this lesson for your future relationships. Have a great day, Juine!

        • Sally

          June 15, 2018 at 6:12 pm

          Never say over for sure, miracles can happen, and few think about an eternal view what happens when we die will the person never get into heaven unless they speak to you are on good terms

          • web admin

            web admin

            June 17, 2018 at 11:34 am

            Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Please share more of your insights and experiences in the future. Have a great day, Sally!

    2. Chloe

      May 24, 2018 at 12:53 am

      Been seeing my bf for 3 years. He just started a new position at work which is stressful. He has also started taking prednisone for a medical condition. Told me a week ago he thinks the medicine is making him edgy. We were supposed to meet for dinner. I made the reservations later so he could finish work and not be rushed. I made the reservations half way between our homes (we live 1 hour apart). I texted him the address the previous day and the name of the restaurant. I got there told him i was there and he told me to go in and sit down. I asked him if he wanted me to order his drink. He told me yes and 10 minutes till he gets there. I turned the volume off on my phone. I felt my phone vibrate and saw 3 missed calls at 7:14 then a text “Forget it!!!directions to the wrong place!!” I called him at 7:15 he said. I called you 3 times and you didn’t pick up, the directions are wrong I am not coming and hung up on me while yelling. I rechecked my text and I did give the correct address. I texted him back just come no rush. Waited 5 minutes and called him. He started talking through his teeth. Told me Do you understand I am not coming. I am at the wrong place. I said I am sorry you went to the wrong place just come to dinner no rush you are 5 miles up the road. He said again do you understand I am not coming. This just added to the day I had. I rushed around all day to get to dinner and it didn’t work out I tried, get over it and just leave me alone. He hung up on me and hasn’t tried to contact me for 3 days. I have not tried to reach out in fear he will ignore me and make me feel worse or he will still be angry. This has happened a few times in the past but it has been a year since the last silent treatment. This has been the most ridiculous reason so far though for the treatment. I am unsure if it is the medicine or he is just acting out again. I can’t even explain the feelings i am having. They are all over the map. Feeling unsafe and I am questioning my worth and also trying to wrap my head around how I contributed to this. I am not sure how to tackle this after the fact as I do not deserve this from someone I am so patient and caring to.

      • web admin

        web admin

        May 24, 2018 at 10:58 pm

        He failed to follow your directions. He chose to get upset and take his anger out on you. You are lucky that he is no longer interested in developing a relationship with you. Save yourself from a relationship with a person who is willing to treat you poorly. Allow thoughts of him to fade and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Chloe!

    3. Shreya

      May 22, 2018 at 3:16 am

      Hi.. I’m 25 years old..my parents looking for alliance.one month before we got one alliance.everything is ok.we both chat together in whatsapp and i like him so much.after some days my parents rejects him for some reasons.i tried to forget him,but i refused to do.. I’m unable to forget him.so i asked his opinion by sending texts in whatsapp,i have been sent 100 messages atleast to get his attention..he read my texts but didn’t even respond for a single text.i was disappointed.i have done nothing wrong.so that I blame myself and i always thinking about him that why he is ignore me.i like him so much so in my every text i mentioned that I don’t want to miss in my life and i apologize for everything on behalf of my family.he is so quiet and made me fool and guilt..so please tell me what could be the reason for his attitude?

      • web admin

        web admin

        May 22, 2018 at 10:21 pm

        He is unable or unwilling to maintain a relationship with you. He is not interested in speaking with you at this time. Do not send him any more messages. There may be a variety of reasons for his behaviors. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Shreya!

    4. Annie

      May 7, 2018 at 11:58 pm

      I have done everything wrong several times over. But now I see why it hasn’t worked in the least. This person is a full-on narcissist and I am guessing just enjoys my pain. I even asked him to just tell me to go away, to give me the closure of that, but he won’t. Silent treatment was two weeks, then some texting, then another week of the silent treatment. In between he is extremely hostile, twists my words around, and blames me for everything. My confidence is definitely in the toilet. On one level I can actually see him for what he is and want to leave. On another I just want a response! It is soooo crazy-making. Which is exactly why he does it.

      • web admin

        web admin

        May 8, 2018 at 10:19 pm

        He is not interested in maintaining a relationship with you that is based on respect. His actions indicate that he does not want to nourish a relationship with you. Do not attempt to maintain this relationship. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Do not wait for a response. Determine what you want for your life without him. Have a great day, Annie!

        • Dee

          May 13, 2018 at 11:29 pm

          I made the mistake of yelling at my bf – he was riling up our younger puppy in a way that makes her really hyper and makes her and our other dog fight – normally they get along great and I want them to stay that way. Our puppy is can get really hyper and I guess he thinks it’s funny, this is something I’m always saying to him because I don’t want them fighting.
          Well, they started fighting and I had to break it up. I yelled at him at the top of my lungs, I was angry. He took great offense and left the room.
          When he came back, I apologized for yelling, I just did not want the dogs fighting. He tried to say he wasn’t doing anything, but he was, it was an attempt to deflect blame. At any rate, I said it’s no big deal, I apologize, and he said don’t talk to me for the rest of the night.
          That was at 8pm. It is now 1:15am. No words exchanged. It’s like I don’t exist. He walks past me like I’m not here. And we live in a small apartment, there’s no where really to go.
          He is chronically ill, and I have put up with a lot from him in the past. I’ve been called every name in the book. I’ve dealt with his ex and his kids. I’ve been his primary caregiver. I’ve mourned the loss of the intimacy that we once had, that is now gone due to his illnesses.
          While it was wrong for me to mouth off, I’m human and I immediately admitted my mistake. I don’t deserve this marathon silent treatment session. I’ve endured these before and he knows I hate them. I tried to stay calm but getting into hour 3 I started to lose my cool and started crying.
          You don’t leave someone who is sick. But the pain is a lot to bear and I needed to tell someone what I am dealing with.

          • web admin

            web admin

            May 14, 2018 at 9:55 pm

            You made the active decision to yell at him at the top of your lungs. Your behaviors caused his response. He is not interested in speaking with you at the moment, as he may feel harmed. Give him time to himself, but ensure that communication continues the following day. Share your kindness and compassion with him, as he is ill. He would benefit from respecting your concerns regarding the animals. Have a great day, Dee!

    5. Celina V

      May 4, 2018 at 10:02 am

      My bf is giving me the silent treatment it is now day two, and in all honestly i feel so helpless and confused. Just a bit of a background on the situation. He is in law school, and its finals week for him. He himself told me that it is going to be a very stressful week for him and that he did not have time to deal with me, and that I was not going to get in the way of school and it was priority over me. I understand fully that he is under a lot of stress and can’t talk to me day and night. But it seems so drastic to me to just stop all communication one day to the next. At first he was texting me here and there telling me he was at the library, or going to take a break from studying eat lunch or about to leave the library. He was still talking to me about his day when he could.That went on for about two days where there was some type of communication. Then the next day nothing… not a text, call, nothing. Our relationship isn’t is doing very well already , and he has been very upset with me for a while, he has cut off all affection and is just cold and mean to me and lashes out at any moment it is like walking on eggshells .He told me at the beginning of the week that if I did anything to stress him out he would just block me. He has been threatening me with this for a while. He is always taking his anger and stress out on me, and blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life. When we were still talking, I tried to be supportive I didn’t txt him several times a day and waited for him to initiate communication. The last conversation we had, he was telling me what his plans were for the next day then we both went to bed…And i haven’t heard from him since. we didn’t have a fight or argument so I guess thats why I am so confused. If he is so busy that he does not have time to talk to me at all throughout the day then why not just say it. Why can’t he just tell me I won’t be able to talk to you at all until finals are over. I wouldn’t have to sit here and drive myself crazy trying to figure out whats wrong, is it over, will he ever speak to me again? Its complete torture staring at my phone waiting for a text not really knowing if Ill even get one. ( We have been together for 5 years, and are currently in a long distance relationship.)

      • web admin

        web admin

        May 4, 2018 at 9:40 pm

        He is in law school. He is busy. He shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He attempted to communicate with you when he had time. The argument was due to you not listening to him when he explained that you are busy. He should focus on his education at this time. If he still has feelings for you, then he will reach out to you when he has time. Have a great day, Celina!

    6. Nima

      May 3, 2018 at 12:07 am

      Hi,
      So I’m at the receiving end of this silent treatment from my significant other. It started from something seemingly insignificant to me. Basically what happened was she asked me what something means, and i didn’t know exactly, so I googled it and started reading whatever I found in two articles to her, ending up also reading something that she already knew. So she said in her words that I think she’s stupid. I did explain to her that I didn’t read whatever she think I read to her based on that assumption because of that assumption but because I was reading off things, and i apologized for the way i handled things leading to this misinterpretation. She ended the argument with i don’t care about what you’re explaining and that I’m over it, and that’s when it started. So, it would be appreciated to have someone else’s insight here. Am I out of line here and is her anger at me justified or is they argument as it appears to me, not worthy of either one of us going through this? And if it’s the latter, do you think it was that she was seeking a conflict to limit communications with me because she’s dealing with feelings of her own or that there’s a bigger picture of a way I may have hurted her that I’ve missed?

      Also, it’s not the first time this has happened, and I’ve always resented the silent treatment since childhood, done commonly by my dad mostly. So I really do not want her to do this, as it’s hurtful to me and hurtful to her. How do I proceed to bring this up after the matter’s resolved without her thinking that her silent treatment is working so it’d become a tool she’d use, but instead for more serious matters. The previous fights, in the end of the silent treatment, she did apologize for her overreaction to the matter, even though I was also in the wrong too.

      Thanks

      • web admin

        web admin

        May 3, 2018 at 2:32 pm

        It is likely that thee actions of hers are reflections of her unhappiness. There is likely an influence in her life that is causing her to feel negative. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Your childhood neglect due to the silent treatment may be manifesting in your current life. Speak with your partner about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Nima!

    7. Mary

      April 15, 2018 at 5:35 am

      I was bothered by a platonic relationship my fiancé has with another girl who we met a year ago on line. I asked him the wrong way (again) what was going on with it. I wanted to come to some sort of compromise. I did not want him to unfriend her. It is no fault of her own. I wanted to talk out my feelings with him and come to a conclusion even if it meant I was being jealous. After I brought it up he was upset. We started to talk and it turned into an argument. In our argument he was really hitting below the belt. Saying some really mean personal things. He asked for a time out. I agreed. But here it is the next morning. No resolution. I want open communication about all of this, however, it has turned into the blame game on his part. And now he will not talk. He un-friended the girl, and told me I would have to explain to her why he did. I never asked him to unfriend her. I even said that was not what I wanted… but he did it anyway telling me he was gonna do what he wanted and he was not going do what I suggested. So here we are… he is acting soooooo angry toward me. I wish we could communicate and formulate a plan for dealing with feelings.. I’m super frustrated and feel like he maybe doesn’t love me anymore. I also feel defeated and humiliated. I won’t ever bring up my feelings to him anymore since I don’t know how to do it without causing this silent treatment. It honestly sucks.

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 15, 2018 at 10:47 pm

        You should not feel negative. His actions are immature. He felt that it was necessary to delete this person. That is not your fault. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Decide what actions you believe are appropriate and acceptable. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Mary!

    8. Ellie

      April 12, 2018 at 12:32 am

      My boyfriend (i aasume he is) has been giving me the silent treatment for over 3 weeks now! And he sometimes replies with “im
      Busy”.. and thats all he ever says or says “I’ll speak to i after work” but doesnt text. And he’s currently abroad. We have been together for over 3 years and he has never done anything like this. If igs over i NEED closure so need him to say it. But i cant get any answer and its driving me insane

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 12, 2018 at 11:21 pm

        The two of you have not communicated in three weeks. He has decided that he does not have time to nourish a relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Decide what you believe is appropriate for your relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Ellie!

    9. George

      April 8, 2018 at 4:59 pm

      Hi. I’ve been with my partner 3 years. Niether of us have had a serious live together relationship before. At the start when i would express my feelings or get upset he would just leave. I did that to him once and her understood how hurtful it was. But I’m still finding I get the silent treatment or he sleeps on the couch when we have an arguement and by arguement its usually me trying to express why I’m upset. Maybe I’m not the best communicator any tips?

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 8, 2018 at 10:09 pm

        Your relationship is influenced by a variety of forces. Ensure that your relationship is built on respect and trust. Always attempt to end the night on a positive note. If he continues to act in an immature manner, then decide what you think is appropriate for your relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, George!

    10. Terica Francis

      April 5, 2018 at 7:09 am

      My husband has been giving silent treatment for 5 days now. I’ve asked what the problem is and with no response stated that I am available when he’s ready to talk. Should I still cook and iron for him or just do what I feel like and he can take care of himself?

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 5, 2018 at 9:30 pm

        If he is not speaking with you, then there is no reason to speak with him. If he continues to contribute to the household, then determine if you this it is appropriate to continue contributing as well. If he does not contribute and he is not speaking with you, then decide what you think is appropriate for this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Terica!

    11. Confused

      April 3, 2018 at 7:57 am

      I get the ST all the time. After a while I can’t deal with the loneliness. When I call, he says I’m busy and hangs up or text backs, I’m on the other line, will call back but does not. If I text he will read but no response.

      • web admin

        web admin

        April 3, 2018 at 9:56 pm

        He is showing his feelings in an unacceptable way. Determine what you believe is appropriate for your relationship. His actions will likely increase as your relationship progresses. Decide what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Make your determination by his behaviors during this time. Have a great day, Confused!

    12. Wade Ertzberger

      March 29, 2018 at 1:23 pm

      My girlfriend gives me the silent treatment every time I say some little thing that should not make any normal person angry. She even walks out sometimes without saying a word and then gives me the silent treatment. She just got mad ’cause I said we both have a little extra belly fat. I apologized and told her I love her just the way she is. But she is pissed and will not speak to me, even though I sincerely apologized several times. How should I deal with this tonight? I am not going to send any messages or phone calls, but should I wish her goodnight and I love her in a final message tonight, or just ignore her. I do not want to lose her.

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 29, 2018 at 3:23 pm

        There are two things that can happen. Option A) Break up and find someone who doesn’t offend easily. B) Learn to think before you speak and be more tactful. In general, telling a girl that she has a bit too much belly fat is a bad idea–it is unsurprising that she got offended. If you decide to stay with her, have a calm, honest conversation. Tell her that you know that you are not tactful enough, but you are really trying to get better. Ask her to be patient and understanding as you try to change. You can send her an “I love you/I’m so sorry” test tonight, but I would leave the honest conversation for the next time you see her in person–and make sure that you give her enough time to cool down a bit. Good luck, Wade Ertzberger!

    13. Archana

      March 26, 2018 at 12:25 pm

      Hello. I am married for last 1 year. Me and my husband always had a very nice relationship. This is an arrange marriage. Whenever I go to my mom’s place there is something that turns him completely against me. Also he gives me the silent treatment my reading my texts but not replying me. His and my parents both told him that this is destroying the relationship so he should do this. Now instead of silent treatment he talks to me on messages with one word reply to my questions and never asking about me. I really love this guy and want things to work out between us and save this marriage. Please help me how do I deal with this issue

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 26, 2018 at 10:47 pm

        There are a variety of potential reasons for his actions. There may be an outside influence that is causing him to act this way. Decide what you think is appropriate for your relationship. Determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Archana!

        • Archana

          March 28, 2018 at 12:20 pm

          Yesterday my husband came home with his family and told me he doesn’t want to continue this marriage and it’s over. I asked him for sometime to take my decision. I still want to work it out. But now he has closed all the ways of communication with me. What should I Do? Can I still get him back?

          • web admin

            web admin

            March 29, 2018 at 2:54 pm

            It sounds like he is serious about this. His short (or lack of texts) before might have just been an indication that he was already mentally checking out of the marriage. I would start by giving him some space. If he is gone for good, then leaving him alone is best. If a part of him still loves you, leaving him alone and giving him some space will give him time to miss all of the good things about the relationship. At the very least, it will give you some time to gather your feelings and plan out what you want to say when you talk to him again. The next time you talk, you also might want to see if he can tell you what needs to change to make him happy. He may have had different expectations from the relationship, so you would have to find out what those things are if you want to try changing things. Good luck, Archana!

    14. Stella

      March 24, 2018 at 10:08 pm

      This guy i started seeing isnt giving me text book silent treatment, but it’s pretty darn close. I told him that i had plans the next two weekends and couldnt go out with him until the weekend after. the first few days after i told him, he kept trying to make plans. I had to keep reminding him that i had a busy schedule with family amd couldnt plan a date. That these plans were in place prior to meeting him.
      ever since my brothers bday dinner last saturday on the 17th hes only ever sent me one or two texts a day. usually they say ‘hi’ or ‘good morning’ and then sometimes he may say that hes heading to work.
      When i told him my relatives were in town this week it got worse. I didnt hear from him for a day or two and now hes sending me messages telling me thag he might text me after work. He knows i go to bed by 9pm, tonight is different cause i have been researching this topic all night, but im at my wit’s end. I see other signs of narcissistic behavior and im fighting every fiber of my being not to say something.
      from past experiences i knew not to feed it, but this is starting to get under my skin. Should i go on one more date next weekend when im free? or toss in the towel while he is still giving me this semi-cold shoulder treatment? any advice would be appreciated…

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 25, 2018 at 8:40 pm

        He might not be doing this intentionally. You have only gone on a couple of dates, so he can’t read your emotions and statements as well as he would if he knew you or a long time. He might think that you are uninterested in him because you are always busy. You have legitimate reasons to be busy and explained that well, but he might be afraid that you are actually trying to let him down easy. He may be texting less often because of that. It is also possible that–even if he thinks that you are genuinely interested–he is afraid you might not have time for a relationship, so he is holding off on committing himself too much. Either way, I think going on another date or two would be a good idea. Good luck, Stella!

    15. D. Malcolmson

      March 24, 2018 at 6:01 am

      I’m on day 3 of the silent treatment. It’s So Silent that he actually missed a plane flight to come and see me. So hurt and betrayed. I guess I did all the wrong things to buy calling and texting and saying how sorry I was for the things that I said but to no avail. The pain of him missing that flight to come and see me is probably more than I’m going to be able to bear and I’m pretty pissed off now. So I think the silent treatment for him would be appropriate from me. Maybe a dose of his own medicine would show him how it feels. Sincerely, Lost

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 24, 2018 at 12:22 pm

        At the moment, that may be the best decision. Giving the silent treatment is never really a way to solve problems, but you are stuck right now because that is exactly what he is doing. You have the dilemma: a) You reach out, seem needier than him and he takes you for granted or b) You return his silence and hope that he reaches out some day or gets over it. Either way, it is not a good position to be in. Giving him the silent treatment for a few days seems like the best bet. If he hasn’t talked to you in another week, reach out to him and find out what is going on with him. Missing a plane flight that he booked and paid for is a pretty intense response, so he might be thinking about just being single again. I hope everything works out for you, D. Malcolmson. Good luck!

    16. Sara

      March 7, 2018 at 10:12 pm

      Wow, I wish I read this article several years ago. My husband gives me the silent treatment on a regular basis. Prior to being married, I had never encountered silent treatment before. I’m sorry to say that I did everything wrong that this article says never to do: begging, bugging for a response, apologizing, etc. My confidence has been smashed to the ground. I thought something was wrong with me that this kept happening. Well no more. I’m so glad I finally looked it up. I feel rather foolish that I let myself get sucked into this toxic behavior.

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 8, 2018 at 9:18 pm

        He has chosen to treat you in a harmful manner. His neglectful and unacceptable actions have caused you to feel poorly. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he ignores you, then take this time to decide what you think is appropriate for this relationship. Have a great day, Sara!

    17. mariah

      March 5, 2018 at 11:27 am

      i am on the contrary dealing with silent treatment from my partner and cant really handle it anymore..its breaking to the point that i really blamed myself for what reason i didnt do….
      i always almost let myself crying all night and it hurts me a lot!!!!

      i dont know what to do…we did argue but he let me feels always i am ignored!!!! always!!!

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 5, 2018 at 3:32 pm

        He has chosen to ignore you. He does not respect your relationship. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Mariah!

    18. Sarah

      March 5, 2018 at 9:04 am

      I’ve been married four years. Each year, I feel like I’m married but my husband’s single. I’ve hit rock bottom, and I’m ready to leave if he doesn’t fully commit to making a change. He became upset with my promise to leave, thinking it was just a threat to move him. I assured him that it wasn’t, and now, he’s so cold towards me. All I asked for was more unity and partnership, freedom to be myself away from him and the kids on occasion, and more scheduled date nights. I guess I expected for him to say, “that’s easy,” but when I was met with “I’ve done the best I can do” when we share absolutely nothing but a bed, have one date each month, and I am ALWAYS at work or with the kids because he doesn’t allow me the same liberties of spending time away from home as he does EVERY night…I know that’s not his best. So I meant it. I’m not apologizing for the severity of this situation. I’m tired. Now, I’m just trying to cope with his silence, and waiting to see if he’s giving up and walking away.

      • web admin

        web admin

        March 5, 2018 at 3:31 pm

        It seems as though your husband may have altered his thoughts and feelings regarding your relationship. He may be neglectful toward you. You deserve to have respect in your relationship. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Sarah!

    19. Liz

      February 7, 2018 at 9:17 am

      So helpful,this issue had started affecting my self esteem but i will cop up for now.

      • web admin

        web admin

        February 7, 2018 at 12:39 pm

        Thank you for sharing your positive comment. Have a great day, Liz!

    20. Don

      January 28, 2018 at 7:01 pm

      We got engaged and everything has been going well until we had a misunderstanding which she was upset and I tried to make it up to her she said she accepted my apology.. then I went to her house to spend the night she was saying she’s not sure if this is what she wants I left in the morning communicate hasn’t been great I called her on my lunch break she didn’t answer so I text her is everything ok she said everything is ok good night then I said is there something you going through you can’t share with me she text back with enough!!! I was supposed to pay her what I owe her I sent her the money she said I didn’t have to do it but she appreciated it but she feels overwhelmed sometimes with everything she hasn’t been answering my calls or text she say she will call but never did I don’t know what to do

      • web admin

        web admin

        January 29, 2018 at 6:53 pm

        She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. She is not interested in nourishing a relationship with you at this time. She has explained that she does not want you messaging her. If she reaches out to you in the future, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Have a great day, Don!

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