How to Play Hard to Get

By on March 30, 2016

Do men want women to be hard to get? Yes, though hard to get isn’t necessarily the right phrase to use. Men don’t like women playing games, but they do like women who show they have a life and won’t just accept any man into it. Here’s what you can do to show just that.

Princesses in Towers – the Old Myth That Matters

I know, you aren’t a helpless princess locked in a tower and he isn’t a dashing Prince, or knight in shining armor. After all, that one pair of boxer shorts he has are just so tacky – even the best of them come with…quirks. However, there’s something to be said about letting a man slay a dragon before you commit to him. Here’s why: unless you let a man fight for you, it seems you have no value. If you readily agree to go out with someone, changing your schedule around to fit his and answering every text as soon as you get it, it appears as if you go out with just anyone who knocks on your door, even if he’s the first one you’ve gone out with in ages. In other words, unless people have to fight for something, they don’t really feel its value. And men like a good fight!

A man who just walked into your life, even though he’s hotter than glowing bricks of coal, is not someone of importance to you. Yet. Your friends, family, work and, not least, yourself come first. Until a man has proven himself, he shouldn’t be a priority in your life, no matter how excited you are to have met him. If you make him a priority straight away a) he feels (subconsciously) that you have no standards and loses interest b) he doesn’t have to win you over so he doesn’t feel your value the way a man who has to fight for you does.

Now onto how to actually show you are a Princess who won’t accept just anyone into your life. In other words, how to play hard to get, though you aren’t playing and men hate games. You are simply showing you have a life and he needs to behave himself to get a place in it.


Texts (and Emails)

Here’s a golden rule: never interrupt anything to answer his texts. If you happen to be doing nothing, or just chilling at home, then fine, reply straight away. If you are out with friends, studying, working, or doing anything else, wait until you get a moment. After all, this new guy isn’t worth more than the friends you’ve known for ages, or your career, is he? So wait until girl time is over, or you have finished the task you’re currently working on, to reply.

I always compare texts from hotties to a treat – we all know the silly grin and butterflies in our belly we get from a text message from the guy, right?! So savor it. Don’t rush to reply. Take your time to think about what to say whilst getting on with whatever it is you are doing. It gives you something to look forward to when girl time is over, or you’ve finished the task at hand at work.

Of course, once you do start sending messages back and forth, let the conversation role. Ever so often though, let him know you need to go do something else and you’ll chat to him later. Don’t always let him be the one ending the conversation.

This doesn’t only show you prioritize other things than him, it also shows you have a life. If you are constantly available to reply to every single text, it implies you aren’t ever doing something exciting.

Don’t Change Your Schedule Around

Some women get so happy to have met an interesting guy that as soon as he suggests a date, they’re available. Don’t be. Show you have a life by letting him know that you have other things planned some nights/days. Giving up your weekly night at the gym, your girl’s night out, your day relaxing at the spa, your networking event, etc. is not going to do you any good whatsoever in the long run. If it doesn’t work out with the guy you will want to have as great a life as possible so you have something to take your mind off things and if it does work out, you need to have a great life so as to make the relationship work. Nobody wants to date someone who thinks a relationship is all they need to be happy. You need a balanced life to be attractive in the first place.

In short, you aren’t always available when he asks you out, because you lead a happy and healthy life, which will make you a lot sexier in his eyes! It also shows that for him to get to be with you, he has to behave himself, as you don’t have time for men who mess about.


Tease and Challenge

Another way to play a bit hard to get is to challenge him. For example, he sends you a text saying “Want to go on a date Saturday?” Don’t just reply with a yes, rather make him work for it: “Depends on how good the date you have planned is…. Tell me what you have in mind ;)” Or you could say “Depends on if you’ll wear something really sexy…”

There are a ton of variations of a theme when it comes to this. For example if he asks if he can come round tonight to watch a movie you can say “Let me think…hmmm…will you bring my favorite ice cream for the movie? ;)”

If he tries kissing you on the first date, you can always say “No, no…not until the second date. Where are your manners?” Of course, you say it flirtatiously and with a smile though, basically promising him something great for the second date.

Give him these little challenges ever so often, but not so often it gets tedious. After all, a man, just like a woman, wants to feel desired. If you always challenge him he’ll think you’re playing games.

If He Messes About

If he isn’t serious, don’t be serious. You need to show him early on that you don’t take shit, basically. He won’t be treated as a boyfriend unless he acts as one. Spend less time with him, don’t text him as much and when he asks for dates, invite him to\ join you and your friends instead as you’ve already made plans. Once he pays more attention, you give him more time.

In short: until he gets serious you have things to do and places to be. He’s not going to be a priority in your life until you are a priority in his.

Does Playing Hard to Get Mean You Show You Are Not Interested? 

Nope. Absolutely not. Men are more insecure than you might think and if they don’t sense an interest, they’ll walk away.

You have to flirt with him. Touch him ever so often when you speak with him. Compliment him on everything from his looks to his personality (though not all in one go, just a few compliments every week – the better a man feels in our company, the more he wants to be with you). Laugh at his jokes…at least the good ones. Take the initiative and spoil him to a great date after some time of dating him. Play with innuendo.

Some women suggest you say no full stop the first time someone asks you out, but this can backfire. Some men will only ask you out once. They need to know you want them. Saying maybe is one thing, saying no is another. The end goal is to let a man into your life, make him fight for it, yes, completely deny him entry, no. He needs to know he has to treat you right to gain you and keep you, as well as the fact that you have a life beyond him.


By Maria Montgomery. Maria is a freelance creativesocial entrepreneur and Huffington Post blogger


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