How To Know When Your Marriage is Over
When you are struggling to find an ounce of happiness in your marriage, even if you think your partner is a genuinely nice person, it may really be over. Many marriages have been saved with the help of therapy and before you think your marriage is over, you should always give it a try. Here are some signs that you may be happier and your partner for that matter, may be happier if you just end it and move on with your lives in different directions.
Therapy Isn’t Helping
If you have tried therapy for a good length of time and have seen no improvements, your issues may not be resolvable. Often when people harbor deep anger and resentment, they cannot overcome those perspectives and lose respect for the other person. If you have been through too many traumatic experiences, sometimes it is best to cut the cord and start fresh with a new person after you have healed.
There’s No Attraction
Sometimes couples go through phases where they are temporarily attracted to each other and it can be remedied by either working on personal health and getting in shape again or speaking to an intimacy coach. Sometimes past relationships or childhood issues can create intimacy blocks that can be healed and the attraction will return. If you have exhausted these options and tried to explore your sexuality creatively but still feel no spark, you may just not be in love anymore. Give it some time and be patient to be sure that it is not just a phase though. Stress can affect libido as and hormonal changes can as well. So if you haven’t considered your diet, exercise and stress levels, consult with a naturopathic doctor about options.
Fighting is Affecting Children
When there is more than just the two of you affected by your toxic relationship it may be time to realize that you are harming not only yourself but the impressionable minds of your children. Words create lasting memories and children need to be in a peaceful home. If you are having screaming blow out fights in front of the children and have tried to go to therapy, it’s time to consider divorce so you can work on yourselves in a more calm manner.
You’ve Grown Apart
Sometimes you are really both well balanced and kind people but your interests shift and you both want different things. Many times after a few decades or years, people fundamentally change their beliefs or perspectives on life. If you’re feeling depressed because you cannot follow your dreams or you feel like you’re forcing yourself to be in the relationship, it’s time to realize your heart’s just not in it. On the other hand, if your partner is really disenchanted and has been for some time, it may only be fair to let them go. Love sometimes lasts a lifetime and sometimes for limited seasons.
There is Physical, Verbal or Substance Abuse
If your relationship is volatile and out of control with many arguments or physical fights, it is not a healthy relationship and it is not a marriage worth saving. If someone can lose their temper to the point of screaming at another person with hateful words, the truth is, they are not ready to be in a relationship. If someone is physically abusive, this is a boundary that should never be crossed and once it is, there is no going back. If someone is being manipulative, controlling or condescending to the other person, the other person’s self esteem will only get worse.
If there is substance abuse in the relationship, seek professional help. If someone with substance abuse refuses to see they have a problem and denies that they need help, it’s important to end the relationship.
One Person Stops Making an Effort
If one person loses motivation to put their loving energy into the relationship, this can be the sign that the marriage should end. If they don’t want to try to communicate, work on issues or help out in other ways around the house, they may be depressed and need to seek professional help on their own. If someone is unwilling to work on themselves or compromise to try to find a middle ground, often this will lead to divorce.
You’re Completely Miserable
If you are the one that has become depressed and you’ve spoken to your therapist for a while, it may be that you’re not feeling respected or you don’t feel respect for your partner any more. You may feel like your partner doesn’t support you or you may feel like your partner just uses you. If you have tried your best to improve your positive well being and done work on yourself to not seek happiness from your partner and you’re still depressed, it may be time to consider a new life plan.
Affairs Continue To Happen
If one or both of you continue to have affairs and you are not in an open relationship, this could be a sign that your marriage just isn’t meant to be. Some people, men or women, will never be able to have a committed relationship. These people may be fighting their own nature and trying to change someone like this is a futile battle. Sometimes accepting people for who they are and moving on is the best we can do.
You’ve Stopped Interacting
If you’ve stopped interacting or spending time together and just don’t feel like doing things together, your relationship may have run it’s course. Many times one person will lose interest before the other person and this can be remedied by reviving your relationship through romantic getaways, deep conversations, extra effort into intimacy or therapy. If it has been a while and one or both of you just want to do other things, this is a sign that the relationship has fizzled out for good.
Different Viewpoints on Children
If one of you is adamantly opposed to having children and the other one has made up their mind that they definitely want children, this can be a fork in the road that leads you in opposite directions. Often this can be a peaceful parting as you may still love eachother but just want different things.
Remember, just because you saw your life panning out one way and believed in it 100%, it doesn’t make you a failure to get a divorce. We can’t always predict what life will throw at us and sometimes we do our best and we still can’t force it to work. Support groups and books on overcoming divorce can be very helpful in the healing process. Finally, learning to understand what happened in your relationship and how you attracted that person, can help you from repeating the same thing in the future.