How to Choose Between Two Guys

By on September 12, 2017

When you like two guys, choosing between them is not easy. They both have qualities that you admire, and you are attracted to both of them. Ultimately, you will have to choose just one guy. If you wait to make your choice, one guy could find out about the other and feel hurt that he was not your only choice. Your best bet is to figure out a solution to this problem as soon as possible. While it may always be impossible to choose, the following steps can help you to make the right choice.

How to Choose Between Two Guys

1. Does One Guy Hurt You?

Look at the way you interact with both of the guys. If one of the guy hurts you physically or mentally, then your choice is clear. The right guy for you will make you feel good about yourself. Being verbally abusive or dismissive could be a red flag that the relationship could become an abusive one. You want a guy who compliments you and makes you feel good. If you leave him feeling awful, he is not the right guy for you.

2. Look for Deal Breakers

There are some things that are automatic signs that you should end the relationship. While some examples like abusiveness are obvious, other deal breakers are highly specific to the individual. Perhaps one guy is still close to his ex-girlfriend. Or, you love traveling, but one of the guys does not want to ever leave his state. Other deal breakers might be no common interests, an inability to compromise or a quick temper. If you find a deal breaker with one guy, then you should take a closer look at your other option.

3. Does He Handle Life Well?

Ultimately, dating is a way for you to find a partner in life. You need someone who can handle a bad day and deal with life’s challenges. Making mistakes is fine, but you need someone who will learn from his mistakes. You also need to find a partner who can support you through the good times and the bad. If he cannot handle you at your worst, he does not deserve you at your best.

4. Look at Each Guy’s Qualities

For some people, an easy way to choose is by listing the pros and cons of each guy. Before you do this, create a list of the qualities you want in a boyfriend. Then, list down the qualities that each guy has. Who matches your ideal boyfriend best? If you need help getting started on the list, you may want to look for popular qualities like a sense of humor, compassion, loyalty, intelligence, helpfulness or kindness. The guy who has more of these qualities will be a better partner for you.

5. Look at the Little Things

If both guys are absolutely perfect, then you might want to go with the guy who cares for you the most. Look at the little details. Does he remember your birthday, your favorite color or your favorite meal? It might be because he is more interested than you. You can also look at who you remember the most about. You are more likely to remember the details about a guy that you really care for than a casual fling. If you remember a lot of little details about one guy, it might mean that you are subconsciously more interested in him.

6. Who Can You Live Without?

Imagine that you have to make a choice between both guys. The guy that loses will never, ever see you again. You will never get another chance, and you can’t change your mind later. Which guy would you choose? Imagine your future. Is there one guy that you just cannot imagine living without?

7. Look at His Potential

If you are just looking for a fling, then go ahead and date both guys as you play the field. If you are trying to choose between two guys, then there is a good chance that you want to have a long-term relationship. Now, you need to consider which guy has the most potential. The best couples tend to have similar goals and desires in life. If you want to go to law school and he wants to spend the next decade on his parent’s couch, then you probably are not well-matched. Look at the two guys and see who has similar views on children, where you live, education and career.

8. Are You Compatible?

Unfortunately, many early relationships are based on lust instead of compatibility. This is entirely natural and is a part of human evolution. At the same time, your relationship will not last unless it is built on mutual interests and personality traits. You should look for the guy who has the most in common with you in terms of your interests, goals, lifestyle choices and personalities.

9. Have the Same Conversation

Sometimes, it is hard to compare two guys. You watched Netflix with one guy, but you went skydiving with the other. It is impossible to compare these two dates equally because they are so different. You can level the playing field by trying to have the same conversation with both guys. Pick a movie you just watched or a book you recently read. Now, try talking to both guys about that book or movie. You may be able to judge by their responses which guy is the best match for you.

10. Try Listening to Your Heart

There is no substitute for your own intuition. Sometimes, the perfect guy on paper is not the perfect guy for you. He may hit the right qualities, but something about him does not make you excited or passionate. Before you choose your boyfriend, you need to listen to the inner voice inside your heart. Is it telling you that one guy is not the right one for you? Or is it saying that neither guy is a good option? Listen to what your gut instinct tells you.

11. Sit in Silence

Sooner or later, you will share everything about yourself, your likes, dislikes and dreams. You will have to be comfortable relaxing in silence with your boyfriend. Are you comfortable being silent around either guy? Can you sit on the couch, relax and feel completely happy? If you are comfortable around him, talking is not always necessary.

12. Is One Guy Unfaithful?

The most common reason why couples break up is because one partner cheats. To prevent this from happening, you want to go with a guy who will hopefully be faithful to you. Look at their past histories. Does one guy have a history of cheating? Does one guy take forever to text you back, has a lot of female friends or flirt around a lot? While it might not be a deal breaker, these qualities may indicate a potential infidelity problem in the future.

13. Compare Your Suitors

If you are an analytical person, use that quality to your benefit. Analyze each guy and see if he fits your description of the perfect partner. You may also want to weigh each quality so that he gets more or less points on how well they match up. If one guy matches up well with what you want, then he might be the right guy for you.

14. Who Are You Excited to See?

When you get a text from one of the guys, how do you feel? Are you excited as soon as one guy texts you? Do your eyes light up as your heart flutters intensely? If you are more interested in one guy, then your heart will beat a little faster when he texts you. If you are not sure how you feel, pay attention to how you respond to each guy’s texts, messages or phone calls.

15. Look at Your Common Interests

They say that opposites attract, but opposites rarely make a good, lasting relationship. You obviously do not have to have everything in common. Having some different interests can help keep your relationship alive. At the same time, you should have some shared interests. If you like totally different things, then you will never have anything to share in common. Even going to a restaurant can be a challenge as you argue about the type of cuisine or environment you want to have.

16. Never Ask Other People

While your friends may be helpful in some areas, this is probably not one of them. They do not know the guys like you do, and they do not feel the same way about them. Asking them for help will only cause you to become even more confused. The only time friends are a good help is for infidelity or red flags. It is hard to see problems with someone you like, but your friends may notice if he seems suspicious, abusive or prone to anger. A friend can help you eliminate someone from the list, but they won’t be able to make the choice for you.

9 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Denver

    August 8, 2019 at 1:52 pm

    That’s okay having two guys make it easier for the girl . And your friend Denver Yates in burnet Texas .

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 8, 2019 at 9:34 pm

      Thank you for sharing your supportive comment. We always appreciate when members of our community share their thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Denver!

  2. Avatar

    CHEEO

    August 1, 2019 at 2:16 pm

    BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 4 YEARS WE LIVE TOGETHER AND I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH BUT MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPENED THAT HAVE RUINED ALOT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP ( HIM CHEATING ON ME, DRAMA WITH HIS FAMILY, I WANNA GET MARRIED AND HE WANTS TO TOO BUT WANTS TO WAIT MORE REGARDLESS OF OUR AGE (ME 27 HIM 29) AND EVEN AFTER THE FACT I FORGAVE HIM FOR HIS INFIDELITY)
    ANYHOW HE WENT ON A BUSINESS TRIP FOR TWO WEEKS AND DURING THAT TIME AN OLD HS CRUSH INVITED ME OUT I DIDNT THINK MUCH OF IT, ITS BEEN TWO MONTHS AND THIS HS CRUSH IS VERY PERSISTENT AND CONFESSED HE HAS FEELINGS FOR ME (WE ALSO SLEPT TOGETHER)
    MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BF IS VERY ROCKY I TOLD HIM TO MOVE OUT FOR A WHILE BC IM A MESS HE OBVIOUSLY DOESNT KNOW ABOUT THIS OTHER GUY

    I LOVE MY BF BUT HES DAMAGED ALOT OF THINGS FOR ME
    AND I ALSO LIKE THIS OTHER GUY BC HE HAS MANY QUALITIES MY BF DOESNT HAVE

    IM SO CONFUSED AND I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO MAKE A DECISION NOW BUT IM SO SCARED TO PICK THE WROONG GUY

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 1, 2019 at 3:33 pm

      You are in a relationship with a partner who has cheated on you. You are also interested in maintaining a relationship with a crush. It is clear that your current partner does not respect your relationship. Do not cheat on your partner while you are together. Make a decision about what you want for your future and take appropriate action. Have a great day, Cheeo!

  3. Avatar

    S.raiyne

    March 25, 2019 at 11:40 am

    ok so I have this boyfriend I love him but I like his best friend and his best friend likes me back Me and his best friend get along very well and He video chats me every night and talks to me for about 3 hours but my boyfriend hasn’t been texting me lately or doing anything for me and I don’t feel trust and connection anymore should I leave and try with his best friend

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 25, 2019 at 11:59 pm

      It sounds as though you have chosen to speak with your partner’s best friends rather than your partner. Do not attempt to maintain a romantic relationship with this person while you are in a relationship. You will find great benefit by spending additional time with him in person. You may want to speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Determine what you want for your future. Have a great day, S!

      • Avatar

        S.raiyne

        March 26, 2019 at 5:11 am

        okay So my boyfriend broke up with me and his best friend asked me out and My ex wanted me to be with him so now were dating but I like this other kid but he’s way younger than me. Im gonna stay with my boyfriend but I dont know if I should tell him or Just keep it away and let it be.

        • web admin

          web admin

          March 26, 2019 at 8:36 pm

          You are currently in a relationship, so make decisions regarding your current relationship based on your feelings and interactions with your partner. Nourish your relationship with your partner by spending additional time with him in person. Do not attempt to maintain a romantic relationship with this other person while you are in a relationship. It is always beneficial to share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, S!

    • Avatar

      Michelle

      July 18, 2019 at 10:44 am

      Yes

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