How to Choose Between Two Guys
When you like two guys, choosing between them is not easy. They both have qualities that you admire, and you are attracted to both of them. Ultimately, you will have to choose just one guy. If you wait to make your choice, one guy could find out about the other and feel hurt that he was not your only choice. Your best bet is to figure out a solution to this problem as soon as possible. While it may always be impossible to choose, the following steps can help you to make the right choice.
How to Choose Between Two Guys
1. Does One Guy Hurt You?
Look at the way you interact with both of the guys. If one of the guy hurts you physically or mentally, then your choice is clear. The right guy for you will make you feel good about yourself. Being verbally abusive or dismissive could be a red flag that the relationship could become an abusive one. You want a guy who compliments you and makes you feel good. If you leave him feeling awful, he is not the right guy for you.
2. Look for Deal Breakers
There are some things that are automatic signs that you should end the relationship. While some examples like abusiveness are obvious, other deal breakers are highly specific to the individual. Perhaps one guy is still close to his ex-girlfriend. Or, you love traveling, but one of the guys does not want to ever leave his state. Other deal breakers might be no common interests, an inability to compromise or a quick temper. If you find a deal breaker with one guy, then you should take a closer look at your other option.
3. Does He Handle Life Well?
Ultimately, dating is a way for you to find a partner in life. You need someone who can handle a bad day and deal with life’s challenges. Making mistakes is fine, but you need someone who will learn from his mistakes. You also need to find a partner who can support you through the good times and the bad. If he cannot handle you at your worst, he does not deserve you at your best.
4. Look at Each Guy’s Qualities
For some people, an easy way to choose is by listing the pros and cons of each guy. Before you do this, create a list of the qualities you want in a boyfriend. Then, list down the qualities that each guy has. Who matches your ideal boyfriend best? If you need help getting started on the list, you may want to look for popular qualities like a sense of humor, compassion, loyalty, intelligence, helpfulness or kindness. The guy who has more of these qualities will be a better partner for you.
5. Look at the Little Things
If both guys are absolutely perfect, then you might want to go with the guy who cares for you the most. Look at the little details. Does he remember your birthday, your favorite color or your favorite meal? It might be because he is more interested than you. You can also look at who you remember the most about. You are more likely to remember the details about a guy that you really care for than a casual fling. If you remember a lot of little details about one guy, it might mean that you are subconsciously more interested in him.
6. Who Can You Live Without?
Imagine that you have to make a choice between both guys. The guy that loses will never, ever see you again. You will never get another chance, and you can’t change your mind later. Which guy would you choose? Imagine your future. Is there one guy that you just cannot imagine living without?
7. Look at His Potential
If you are just looking for a fling, then go ahead and date both guys as you play the field. If you are trying to choose between two guys, then there is a good chance that you want to have a long-term relationship. Now, you need to consider which guy has the most potential. The best couples tend to have similar goals and desires in life. If you want to go to law school and he wants to spend the next decade on his parent’s couch, then you probably are not well-matched. Look at the two guys and see who has similar views on children, where you live, education and career.
8. Are You Compatible?
Unfortunately, many early relationships are based on lust instead of compatibility. This is entirely natural and is a part of human evolution. At the same time, your relationship will not last unless it is built on mutual interests and personality traits. You should look for the guy who has the most in common with you in terms of your interests, goals, lifestyle choices and personalities.
9. Have the Same Conversation
Sometimes, it is hard to compare two guys. You watched Netflix with one guy, but you went skydiving with the other. It is impossible to compare these two dates equally because they are so different. You can level the playing field by trying to have the same conversation with both guys. Pick a movie you just watched or a book you recently read. Now, try talking to both guys about that book or movie. You may be able to judge by their responses which guy is the best match for you.
10. Try Listening to Your Heart
There is no substitute for your own intuition. Sometimes, the perfect guy on paper is not the perfect guy for you. He may hit the right qualities, but something about him does not make you excited or passionate. Before you choose your boyfriend, you need to listen to the inner voice inside your heart. Is it telling you that one guy is not the right one for you? Or is it saying that neither guy is a good option? Listen to what your gut instinct tells you.
11. Sit in Silence
Sooner or later, you will share everything about yourself, your likes, dislikes and dreams. You will have to be comfortable relaxing in silence with your boyfriend. Are you comfortable being silent around either guy? Can you sit on the couch, relax and feel completely happy? If you are comfortable around him, talking is not always necessary.
12. Is One Guy Unfaithful?
The most common reason why couples break up is because one partner cheats. To prevent this from happening, you want to go with a guy who will hopefully be faithful to you. Look at their past histories. Does one guy have a history of cheating? Does one guy take forever to text you back, has a lot of female friends or flirt around a lot? While it might not be a deal breaker, these qualities may indicate a potential infidelity problem in the future.
13. Compare Your Suitors
If you are an analytical person, use that quality to your benefit. Analyze each guy and see if he fits your description of the perfect partner. You may also want to weigh each quality so that he gets more or less points on how well they match up. If one guy matches up well with what you want, then he might be the right guy for you.
14. Who Are You Excited to See?
When you get a text from one of the guys, how do you feel? Are you excited as soon as one guy texts you? Do your eyes light up as your heart flutters intensely? If you are more interested in one guy, then your heart will beat a little faster when he texts you. If you are not sure how you feel, pay attention to how you respond to each guy’s texts, messages or phone calls.
15. Look at Your Common Interests
They say that opposites attract, but opposites rarely make a good, lasting relationship. You obviously do not have to have everything in common. Having some different interests can help keep your relationship alive. At the same time, you should have some shared interests. If you like totally different things, then you will never have anything to share in common. Even going to a restaurant can be a challenge as you argue about the type of cuisine or environment you want to have.
16. Never Ask Other People
While your friends may be helpful in some areas, this is probably not one of them. They do not know the guys like you do, and they do not feel the same way about them. Asking them for help will only cause you to become even more confused. The only time friends are a good help is for infidelity or red flags. It is hard to see problems with someone you like, but your friends may notice if he seems suspicious, abusive or prone to anger. A friend can help you eliminate someone from the list, but they won’t be able to make the choice for you.