What To Do If He Just Wants To Be Friends

By on April 30, 2015

Chances are if you’re reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. We’ve all heard those words at some point that they ‘just want to be friends’ and maybe we’ve said them to others too. The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Often we overlook people’s shortcomings when we are smitten and once those feelings of intense attraction fade, we realize it was quite silly to be chasing after that man-child in the first place. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.

 

Respect His Decision

He Just Wants To Be Friends

First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along. It’s hard to tell someone something that you know will hurt their feelings and at least he decided to be honest with you. You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship. Besides, in a romantic relationship, we should be concerned about their happiness foremost and if they aren’t happy being intimate, it’s your responsibility to completely and utterly honor that.

 

Take Some Space

If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way. You can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you’re disappointed but don’t say anything mean or hurtful. Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. It’s good to take space so you can occupy your mental space with some other things, this will let your feelings for him simmer down.

 

Decide if It’s Hurtful to Hang Out With Him

As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend. Please do not trick yourself into thinking you can handle being around him if you’re still wishing he will change his mind and you’re envisioning him waking up one day to confess his love. We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We are all only human and he doesn’t have magic powers. You’re the one with the magic powers to empower yourself to shift your focus and move on.

 

Realize Your Worth

realize your worth 

We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. For whatever reason that he’s not vibing with you, it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you. You might intimate him or he might have serious fears from other situations he’s been through. The human mind and emotions are complicated and sometimes you just can’t force things. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself. Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Know your worth and don’t let someone make you feel sub-human.

 

Tell Yourself A New Story

It’s time to retell the story of you and him in your mind. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. If a guy wasn’t ready to date you, he has a good reason whether he tells you or not.

 

Be Grateful For His Friendship

Shift your mindset from victim to gratitude and you’ll start to feel better. Having an open and honest friendship with a guy can be one of the most healing things you’ll ever experience. When you have mutual respect you can learn how to put the other person’s feelings before yours and they can give you feedback about yourself, you’ll both grow. When you’re honest with them and they are honest with you, you might be actually helping yourself mature enough to find the ‘one.’

 

Focus on Your Goals and Health

Now it’s time to be about you. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Get your tail to yoga and start to feel super confident because you’ll be glowing from the inside out. Don’t waste time mopping about at home eating icecream. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals. When you’ve got it going on, you’ll attract men that like your positive vibe and see that you’re already happy on your own.

 

Remember A New Door Will Open

Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. If he wasn’t the one, someone better will come along when he’s supposed to. Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you. There are so many lovely people on this planet, don’t waste time crying over one.


You will start feeling a little better each day and it’s good to put some effort into dressing fabulous so you feel like a million bucks. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive. We do not need a man to be happy and if we do meet a nice man, our relationships should be to help each other focus on our goals for making the world a better place, not to fill a void. Perspective is everything! Stay empowered.

531 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Sara

    March 19, 2019 at 12:48 pm

    I am so depressed, I can’t stop thinking of him, he was the one who started and talked to me, he asked me out , he cooked for me, he cared for me, suddenly he changed he told me that we are different in thinking and religion and we can’t continue like this we can’t see each other like before, we can be friends and meet once a month, its not necessary to meet every week, he is very busy and had priorities in life, he doesn’t want relationship now , I can’t stay a way , I can’t stand his new behavior, I can’t be happy with any other man like I was with him, he is ignoring seeing me now, what should I do ?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 19, 2019 at 10:33 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He has concerns regarding your religious differences. Sadly, this is normal. Since this relationship is no longer viable, determine what you want for your future without him. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. This will bring you many benefits in the future. Have a great day, Sara!

  2. Avatar

    Art

    March 14, 2019 at 9:43 am

    This guy I met 3years reconnected w me, he’s just started med sch now and I’m about the grad so the timings abit off. But he kept asking me out and doing all the dating stuff like watching movies , being touchy when we meet etc. it’s been going on about 8mths now but he’s not made any progress. He has bad texting skills as well because he takes long time to reply (says he’s busy w sch). So when he ghosted me for a week due to his exams, I got anxious n tired that i wanted to ask stop this. So I confessed that i am falling for him but I treasure the friendship more and we should text less (hoping to get a confession out of him) but instead he said thank you for liking me and if I’m feeling better we could continue this friendship n that he will be there for me if I need help. So I was confused – like what about the past 8mths? He didn’t say sorry for giving me the mixed signals. So i replied that I decided to text less cos idk how he truly felt if he felt the same way (hoping to get him to share his feelings) n I said but I hope this confession won’t change anything between us. So he said we can continue to be friends then (with a smiley face). So now I’m so confused as to what to do . Does he like me or not, and if yet why isn’t he admiting it at least and be honest w me that he doesn’t want a relationship? Should i confront him face to face? But he’s always so busy that I hardly see him

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 14, 2019 at 8:06 pm

      He enjoys maintaining a social relationship with you. He does not own you an apology, as you are aware that he is focusing on school and that he is not always able to respond quickly. You informed him that you no longest wanted to maintain a romantic relationship, and respected your feelings and agreed to maintain a simple friendship with you. This person is mature and likely someone who has strong feelings for you. Have a great day, Art!

      • Avatar

        Art

        March 14, 2019 at 8:18 pm

        Thanks for your advice, but what I actually intended to do was to make him confess to me in a indirect way thru my text about me liking him and hoping to be friends (guess it didn’t work out). But he didn’t tell me he didn’t like me but just said he respected my decision to continue as friends. But I’m hoping he share his true feelings with me so that I know the past 8mths was not all for nothing. What I actually wanted was for him to confess to me and be official but is he taking it the wrong way that I wanted to just be friends? Why won’t he share his feelings and how do I make him? I just want some closure from knowing his feelings so that I can move on or make this relationship official . I’m so sad that I kinda back stabbed myself

  3. Avatar

    Liv

    February 25, 2019 at 2:46 am

    There was a guy I had known for quite a while in high school but he didn’t start talking to me until a month before graduation. He asked me out on dates and to prom as well and confessed he liked me. I knew he liked me because he admired my art and personality. Meanwhile I started to like him as well and realized how well we understood each other and were compatible. However after graduation he had to move to another state and I was interested in a relationship but he declined because he didn’t want a ldr and said if he was still living in our state things would’ve been different. I was upset for months but I assumed he wasn’t the long distance type and would want to have a relationship with me in the future. However recently I talked to him after a flirty conversation asking if one day we could go on a cruise together. He then said that he wouldn’t do it because it sounds like a couple type of vacation and just wanted to be friends. I was surprisingly disappointed because it seemed like he wanted something more when he talked to me recently. Should I continue being friends with this person?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 25, 2019 at 9:21 pm

      The two of you have decided to not maintain a romantic relationship at this time. It is perfectly reasonable for the two of you to remain friends. Determine what you want for your future at this time. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. If you no longer want to maintain this relationship, then take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Have a great day, Liv!

  4. Avatar

    Liv

    February 24, 2019 at 11:10 pm

    There was a guy I had known for quite a while in high school but he didn’t start talking to me until a month before graduation. He asked me out on dates and to prom as well and confessed he liked me. I knew he did because he admired my art and my personality. Meanwhile I started to like him as well and realize how well we understood each other and were compatible. However after graduation he had to move to another state and I was interested in a relationship but he declined because he didn’t want a ldr and said if he was still living in our state things would’ve been different. I was upset for months but I assumed he wasn’t the long distance type and would want to have a relationship with me in the future. However recently I talked to him after a flirty conversation asking if one day we could go on a cruise together. He then said that he wouldn’t do it because it sounds like a couple type of vacation and just wanted to be friends. I was surprisingly disappointed because it seemed like he wanted something more when he talked to me recently. Should I continue being friends with this person?

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 25, 2019 at 8:48 pm

      He has informed you of your thoughts and feelings. He is interested in maintaining a friendship with you, but does not want to nourish a romantic relationship with you at this time. Determine what you want for your future without him. Ensure that you continue to share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Liv!

  5. Avatar

    Nitsuj D

    January 15, 2019 at 12:01 pm

    I’m in a committed relationship of 10 years. Then this guy came along and told me he likes me in one week of texting, after we met up for the first time. I hesitated but undeniably, I’m attracted to him. I want to know more about him but I’m unsure if I should?

    The second meet up which is our last meet up before he flies off for a month, I realised I have a crush on him already but my feelings are left unknown. He told me he likes me and said that if I continue talking to him, he will fall for me further.

    Natural logical instinct would be to say let’s stop this. ….but now my heart tells me otherwise. I confessed to him the day after that I have a crush on him and he said let’s just be friends. )’:

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 15, 2019 at 10:33 pm

      The two of you are maintaining a relationship. Enjoy this relationship while it lasts. Determine what you believe is appropriate for the future of this relationship. You are aware of how this relationship will change in the future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Nitsuj!

      • Avatar

        Nitsuj

        January 16, 2019 at 2:56 am

        Thank you for the reply.

        I have already spoken to my boyfriend about my feelings for my crush and he believed that it will be over soon. I’ve been very honest with him (the least I could do for having a crush, I feel)… and I never cheated on him before.

        But…

        I have not been talking to my crush for 5 days since he said to drop the idea and be friends. I don’t want to be friends with him… yet I’m unsure of the future of us. I don’t even know what is my crush thinking right now…

        I’Ve been feeling very terrible the past few days and…I know what’s the right thing to do and what’s stable and what’s not.. But my heart wants what it wants. Help ):

        • web admin

          web admin

          January 17, 2019 at 9:04 pm

          Your crush has informed you of his thoughts and feelings. He is not interested in maintaining a relationship with you. It sounds as though your boyfriend is still interested in maintaining a relationship with you. Determine what you want at this time. If you are not willing to treat your partner with the respect that he deserves, then end this relationship. He shouldn’t have to feel obligated to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to maintain a relationship with him. Have a great day, Nitsuj!

  6. Avatar

    Joan

    December 15, 2018 at 1:45 pm

    So I’ve always told myself not to mess around with anyone at work. I broke that one rule. At first this guy would playfully flirt with me and I kinda did it back. After a few weeks of doing the same thing he invites me to breakfast. We had a great day we ate, went bowling, saw a movie, ate again and then saw a Netflix move and he kissed me at the end of the night. Later he confesses to me that he’s been into me for a while but didn’t know where it was going since we hadn’t gone out prior. We went out a few times after and I took him lunch a few times as well. We have been dating for a solid month now.He was so affectionate kissed my hand, forehead and honestly very sweet. He invited me for breakfast today after my workout. We sit and says we need to talk about us. Part of me thought omg his girlfriend sooo soon. But obviously it was to tell me to just be friends because he needs to focus on school and work. I’m obviously sad especially since he said he cared about me. Idk what to do? Should I try to tell him I’ll wait for him? How do I tell him I understand that I’m busy too but I find time for him?

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 16, 2018 at 4:57 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He does care about you, but he is too busy to maintain a relationship at this time. Do not wait for him, as he is not waiting for you. Determine what you want for your future without him. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Joan!

  7. Avatar

    Logan

    November 28, 2018 at 5:52 pm

    Well, there was this guy I had a severe crush on. Let’s name him… guy A. Now, before we start, I have a problem where every guy I sit by or talks to me ends up becoming my crush. This guy was no different. We became kind of close, talked on Snapchat, and joked around when we saw each other. I sent him a google hangout invite and started talking to him. Then I said right out of the blue “Guy A, I like you.” He waits 3 days, looks at me all the time in between that time, and says “Let’s just be friends.” I was so shocked, but I said “Ok.” for some reason. I am not ok. This article really helped me with this and I’m going to continue moving on with my life without crying in the corner eating ice cream and listening to “Panic at the Disco.” Thanks again!

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 29, 2018 at 8:24 pm

      It is great that our article has supported your decision. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. You will find that this will bring you great benefit. Please share your insights and experiences in the future. It is certain that your positive comments will support other members of our community. Have a great day, Logan!

  8. Avatar

    Ana

    October 23, 2018 at 6:45 am

    I was dating this guy, he was my first love my first real relationship, we were a couple of days from celebrating our 6 month anniversary when he said he only liked me as a friend. We broke up and said we would be friends, this lasted two months we would go out, be at family events etc. Everyone was surprised that we broke up and the reason behind it, even his family talked to him. His mother sister, bestfriend all told me that he didnt appreciate me and that i deserved better. It was hurting me so I told him exactly how I felt he apologized but said he could only see me as a friend and we had to give eachother space. I wish I would have given myself space as soon as we broke up and not torture myself for two months, but you have to give youreself time to heal. I know that now.

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 23, 2018 at 8:30 pm

      Thank you for sharing your experiences and insights. It is certain that your story and your words will support other members of our community. Please share more of your supportive comments in the future. Have a great day, Ana!

  9. Avatar

    Ashlen

    October 20, 2018 at 6:23 pm

    There’s this guy at my work I’ve liked for a year now. We have this thing where we buy each other’s lunches, so it’s cute and all but I really wanted to know especially after he told me what days he was free after work randomly a few weeks ago.

    I ran into a few issues and told him I couldn’t get lunch anytime soon since I was broke. After a few days after that he still asked me if I wanted lunch. I told him no. He still continued to tell me where he was going and I of course said no again. A few moments pass and he’s telling me what I would want. So i smiled and said okay and I would go with him this time. We went inside and had an hour lunch together. He started talking about relationships. So I was very certain at this point it was a mutual interest.

    We get to the work parking lot and as soon as he opens his door I say “hey I like you”. His eye brows raise and he says “I like you too” *long pause* “but only as a friend and that’s as far as we will ever go.”

    We go inside and he tells me he appreciates I told him and how a friend of his was friend zoned too but the girl called him a week later saying she wanted to see him.

    He’s offered me lunch since then and I’ve caught him staring at me a few times this last week.

    I’m trying to tell myself he isn’t interested in me but its killing me wondering if he’s going to call me. I just don’t understand.

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 22, 2018 at 7:51 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is aware of your feelings toward him, so it is possible that his feelings for you may grow in the future. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Strengthen your relationship with him by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Ashlen!

  10. Avatar

    Tiam

    October 15, 2018 at 2:35 am

    Last Aug after being alone for a long time that really makes me depressed and I just one year moved to this new country and living apart from family and friends, so I’ve decided to find someone. Then, I had a date with a boy ( same age 36 yrs old, in same month July), and we decided to make a new relationship. His ex-girlfriend was really hurt him and he had a bad experience with her. For the first month, we were really good together, we slept together, we did workout together and so on. but one day, unfortunately, he suddenly saw his ex-photo on the internet, then everything changed between us. He backed to that upset feeling about her, I’m really willing to help him out from that feeling and want to make him happy but after one month together he said to me I’m not ready for a new relationship and I asked him whether he wants to cut or wants me to wait for him. So he said I’m ok with friendship, now I try to feel better and I want to forget her because she really hurt my feeling and when I’m in new relation I don’t like to talk about my ex with you anymore. So now he doesn’t want to meet me and our chatting from every day changed to once in a week or less, I really do like him and I do not want to lose him, on the other hand, I don’t want to bother him, now I do not know what should I do? I’m really alone, I try to keep my mind busy and do workout and …, but I scared to lose him and if we are not talking and seeing each other he loses his interest in me and relationship. I should add here, his ex was really strict and piggy head ( as he said) but he is very calm and quiet and I also very quiet and am not a fighter. Now I really need help. What should I do to keep this relationship?

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 16, 2018 at 7:53 pm

      You feel a strong emotional connection with him. He has made his feelings clear. He is unable or unwilling to nourish a relationship with you are this time. Your decision should be based on what you want for your future. If he neglects you, then there is no reason to nourish this relationship. If he reaches out to you in the future, then share your kindness and compassion with him. Have a great day, Tiam!

      • Avatar

        Tiam

        October 17, 2018 at 8:35 am

        Dear Admin,

        I deeply appreciate your response. Yeah, I hope he back to me again in the near future.
        Have a blessed day.

        • web admin

          web admin

          October 18, 2018 at 7:48 pm

          Thank you for sharing your positive comment. Please share more of your insights and experiences in the future. Have a great day, Tiam!

  11. Avatar

    Angel

    October 11, 2018 at 8:44 am

    I wasn’t dating this guy but every day he would tell me that he loved me, that I was beautiful, and how I was such a great person and I said that I loved him, that he was really great at listening to me and I appreciated it, and just how much he meant to me then he just stops talking to me for the night. I’m the type of person that gets really anxious when I text something and I know he reads it but doesn’t answer, the next day he apologizes says he loves me everything’s fine, but two hours later he tells me we need to be just friends… I ask if I did anything and he says I didn’t, but I don’t understand if he thought that why did he decide to play me for two hours… I love him and he has been amazing, but he keeps asking me to push down my feelings for him but I feel I cant… I don’t know if we should stay friends or if I should just take a break from him. It doesn’t help that we don’t live near each other so its hard to understand

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 12, 2018 at 7:44 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. You are aware that he is no longer interested in nourishing a relationship with you. Determine what you want for your future without him. There may be a variety of reasons for his actions. Regardless of his reasons, this relationship is no longer viable. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Angel!

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