Funny Wedding Vows

By on June 29, 2014

Your wedding day is obviously one of the most special days of your life. You spend countless nights, sometimes even weeks or months, planning for the occasion. One of the most important aspects of the wedding is undoubtedly the exchange of bows. It is the one moment in the wedding where everyone pays special close attention to hear what one has to say to their lover. However, while the vow is obviously an essential and important part of any wedding, many people are steering off from the tradition ‘to death do us part’ vows. Insert: funny wedding vows.


Funny wedding vows are certainly becoming quite popular amongst weddings far and wide. They make the wedding different from the rest- a little less stressful and elegant, a little more fun and lighthearted. And after all, it is a celebration, right? So why shouldn’t it be enlightening and fun?


Before we get started on some of the funniest wedding vows we could come up with, we have to give you a (very) important tip first. Before you start jotting down your silly vow, make sure you OK it with your partner first. There would be nothing worse than getting on the stand, only to say something funny while your partner is in the blue and has written something that pours their heart out onto the floor. Once the two of you have decided that funny and lighthearted is the way to go, THEN take a look at these hilarious vows below.


Make Your Anticipations Clear

One of the biggest factors for a marriage breaking up is that one didn’t meet the expectations of the other. And while everyone has their own distinctive set of expectations for marriage, it’s hard to know what the other is thinking. One way to make your vow not only lighthearted and fun but also a bit serious, is to inform them what you expect of them- in a funny way, of course. Whether you want them to handle the finances, put the toilet seat down, or take you out to dinner ever friday night, let them know! It will save the two of you a lot of hassle in the future.


Groom: I, (Groom), choose you, (Bride), to be my wife. Before our friends and family gathered here I promise to love and cherish you throughout the good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat, and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes. I promise to remember this day with love and roses. I will love you always.

Bride: I, (Bride), choose you, (Groom), to be my husband. Before our friends and family, I promise to love and cherish you through every obstacle that may come into our path. I promise to learn how to change a tire, and how to refill the screen wash when it runs out. I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win. I will love you always.

Taken from


Money Matters

We all know that when two become one, not only do they decide to share a house and a last name, but bank accounts as well. And if your wife is someone who loves to spend money and shop, then you guys can really have some extra fun with your wedding vows. Add something about money to your vows, like the following:

Man: I (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded wife. I promise to love you for eternity and to trust you with my credit card, even if it means passing out when I get the credit card bill. You’re my wife and you deserve the best!

Women: I (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded husband. I promise to love you just as much as my American Express card, and I promise to buy you something every once and awhile. I won’t go overboard with my purchases unless it’s something we can share together. I love you husband!


Musical Differences

We all have very different tastes in music, and if your soon to be husband is a lover of ‘80s hair band music and you can’t get enough of Britney Spears, now is a great time to use your music tastes to your advantage. Writing a funny wedding vow with music involved is not only silly but everyone can get involved.

Groom: I, (name), promise to love you, (name), even though you have an obsession with Britney Spears and other girly pop music. I promise I will learn to love all of your favorite pop stars like Britney Spears and Madonna, and will not criticize your choice in music from hear on out.

Bride: I, (name), promise to love you, (name), even though you have a love for ‘80s hair band music. I promise I will try to love Motley Crue as much as you do, and will even dress up in ‘80s clothing and see a live concert with you- and I won’t even complain the entire time. You’ll be my personal rock star and I will love every moment of it.


The Controlling Wife

When you love someone, you want them to be all yours. You don’t want to share, you want to shout it from the rooftops. And while it is a silly joke that men who are married have a ‘ball and chain’, this funny wedding vow puts that in more lighthearted terms that everyone will get a kick out of. The vows will go something like this…

Minister: (Brides name), do you take (grooms name) to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Bride: I do.

Minister: (Grooms name), do you take (brides name) to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Bride: He does.

See what we did there? New hubby doesn’t even get a chance to speak. She loves her man and wants to show him that she means business in a funny and cute way. He’s sure to get a big smile out of that one, and best of all he will know just how serious you are about the relationship. Of course that’s a huge plus!


Animal Lovers

It’s true when they say that a dog is a man’s best friend. And if you are a dog (or cat, or horse, or turantula) lover, now is a great time to not only show everyone how much you love your pet, but your spouse as well. These funny vows are adorable and I think anyone could relate to these cute vows. Check it out!

Groom: I (name) take you (name) to be my lawfully wedded wife. I promise to love you just as much as I love my dog Scout, if not more so. I promise to always clean up after him and make him sleep on the edge of the bed instead of right next to us. I love you my wife and you come first!

Bride: I (name) take you (name) to be my lawfully wedded husband. I promise to love you as much as my kitty cat Fluffy. I promise to pay just as much attention to you and cuddle with you as much as I do Fluffy, and I promise to keep her nails short so she doesn’t cut you. You will always be my number one, buy Fluffy will be right by our sides with her furry little coat!


Sports Fans

So 99.9 percent of the male population is obsessed with sports, I think we all know that. So how about incorporating your love for sports into a funny vow your wife will get a kick out of? And ladies, how about you combat his love for sports with an equally silly vow about your love for clothes and fashion? This great vow comes from, and we think it’s going to be a HUGE hit with you guys.

Groom: I promise to love you as much as the Chicago Cubs and not hold your black and white striped dress against you. From this day forward, I will listen to all of your complaints about the mall if you say them during the off season and promise to retire my baseball cap and face paint for public outings. I will love you in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death parts us or you become a White Sox fan.

Bride: I promise to love you as much as I love my credit card and not hold your poor fashion sense against you. I will only show you my new clothes during commercial breaks and promise to keep you in the latest Cubs fashions. From this day forward, I will make sure your lucky shirt is washed for every game day and will always have plenty of potato chips on hand. I will love you for richer or poorer, as long as our credit limit stays high.


Do a Rhyme

Who doesn’t enjoy a good rhyme? Instead of just being a little bit untraditional with a silly wedding vow, how about you step it up a notch with something that will really impress the crowd? Come up with your own, but here’s a great example that’s been circulating the web for quite some time. We got it from Buzzle!

I, Fred, take you Ginger, to be my lawfully wedded wife.

To be together in happiness and strife,

To have and to hold,

Even if your cooking grows mold.

I love you in richness and in debt,

And cherish all moments since we have met.

I promise to love you until the end of my days,

As long as you stay out of my baseball plays.

I pledge to be faithful

Even when we’re old and dull.


Turn to Movies

Movie lovers, this one is for you. If you love a certain movie, why not try to incorporate the movie into your wedding vow somehow? It’s incredibly silly but you, your spouse, and your guests will get a HUGE kick out of it. Extra points if you make your wedding theme like the movie and dress up like the characters! (Now THAT is an untraditional wedding!)

Buzz Lightyear: End your wedding vow like this: I will love you to infinity and beyond!

Lord of the Rings: My love, I give you this precious ring. Keep it secret, keep it safe. I promise to protect you from the evils of this world, like Saruman and Sauron, Lord of the Earth. I will stay by your side through all of life’s journeys, all the way to Mount Doom.

Star Wars: My Queen, may the Force be with us as we travel through the galaxy of life. I pledge to never turn to the Dark Side but stand forever in the illumination of our love. I vow to fight the Evil Emperor and I invite you take your place at my side as we rule the galaxy. Take my hand and stand with me for light and justice throughout our lives. (From


Other Great Funny Vow Ideas…

Singing Your Vows

Ok, let’s be honest. Who goes into a wedding expecting the bride and groom to bust out into chorus after being asked to read their wedding vows? This is a serious shocked but will definitely give the crowd a great laugh. If you have the guts to do this, we say give it a shot. Yes it’s absolutely untraditional, but that’s the whole point. Extra bonus points if you decide to make your vow into a hilarious rhyme that you can actually rap. Now THERE is something nobody will be expecting!

All Natural

Traditionally, a single person will say their vow at once. But if you really want to amp up the casual appeal of your wedding, why trying to have a somewhat normal conversation on the altar? The point of this all natural way of doing vows is to let both of you talk at the same time, instead of one after the other. It is an extremely casual way of doing things, but it can definitely be a huge success. For instance, the groom could start talking about your guys’ first date. The bride could chime in here and there with her own recounts of the date, or simply saying things like “Oh my gosh”, “That was so funny”.

Do a Little Dance

Again, traditionally the dance comes after the vow. But what about combining the two? I mean, for one, everyone loves to dance. So holding off to dance with your lover is kind of silly anyways, right? Two, it makes for a much more relaxed and calm environment (that also has plenty of romantic appeal). It’s a great way to switch things up without going overboard. On the other hand, you and your spouse could do a silly dance instead of a romantic one to amp up the silly factor of your wedding rather than the casual.

Reasons Why I Love You

Sometimes reading a list is easier than trying to come up with fancy sentences and paragraphs. If you want to tell your future wife or husband how you feel, what better way than to spout off a list of 10 reasons why you love them? It’s quick, easy, and simple, yet there’s really no better way to get your point across.

Reasons We Shouldn’t Marry

You might have re-read that a couple times with a confused thought. Why would you want to tell your future spouse that you’re not meant to be together? Here me out: this isn’t a breakup note (oh, how horrible would that be!). It’s actually a silly way of pointing out the reasons why you probably shouldn’t, but are going to anyways. Keep in mind that this also isn’t a list of anything serious. It should all be funny things like, “You like cats and I like dogs” or “You can’t stand the color blue but my whole room is color coated in blue”. This makes the vow funny and will have everyone laughing about the silly stuff that makes the two of you different.

Use Your Flaws

You probably never thought your flaws would work to your advantage right? Well how about making a funny vow that incorporates things you don’t think other people can stand. For instance: “I promise to love and cherish you, because you love and cherish me even thought I snore louder than an elephant”.

A few things to consider:

-As we said earlier, make sure your spouse knows about the funny vows. Don’t try to combine one serious vow with a silly one- it just won’t work.

-Make sure that your vows suit your audience. If there are kids present at the wedding, you will want to keep the vow G rated without mention of sex. On the other hand, if it’s all adults feel free to run wild with the sex jokes and recounts of terrible nights the two of you may have had.

-Try to describe things your guests will understand. Try to refrain from inside jokes as much as possible!

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