50 Funny Love Quotes

By on December 21, 2014

Love can be a beautiful, wonderful thing, but it can also be funny. Anyone who has ever been in a long term relationship or a marriage can identify with most of the following funny love quotes. Read through the following list and leave a comment at the bottom with your favorite quote or with any funny love quotes that we forgot to include.


1. ”Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” -Richard Jeni

Hopefully, you are honest in your relationship. If not, this quote may be the one for you. You better be good at faking honest if you are not going to actually be honest with your partner.

2. ”I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner

It may be funny, but it can be extremely accurate—as any married couples out there can attest to.

3. ”You call it madness, but I call it love.” -Don Byas

Scientists have conducted studies that show that our minds look like they are insane during a breakup according to MRI imaging. It isn’t too far of a stretch to assume that this is true for love in general.

4. ”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” -Albert Einstein

If you love science or math, this is the funny love quote that is intended for you.

5. ”A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick.” -Mary Wilson

It’s joked about and caricatured in cartoons all the time. Young couples have a tendency toward public displays of affection that can leave the people around them slightly sickened.

6. ”Love is being stupid together.” -Paul Valery

Love isn’t about finding someone you can be perfect with, but someone that you can be your silliest around.

7. ”It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” -Lucille Ball

Known for her comedy, Lucille Ball hits love at first sight on the nail.

8. ”People should fall in love with their eyes closed.” -Andy Warhol

I am not entirely sure what Andy Warhol had in mind with this quotation, but I think he means that we should love someone for who they are. I hope that is what he means, anyways.

9. ”Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.” -Mae West

Sign me up for debonair neighbors any day!

10. ”Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” -W. Somerset Maugham

It sounds funny to hear, but W. Somerset Maugham may have a point. What if we realize one day that love is just a chemical process made to ensure that we continue to have children?

11. ”Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” -Jules Renard

🙁 Hopefully, the brain remains active for at least a while…

12. “You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” -Hussein Nishah

It is a good thing that you can’t put a price tag on love because it would be out of most people’s price range.

13. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” -Garry Shandling

When you are in love, you can finally let down your barriers and truly get to know someone else. Or at least pretend to.

14. “I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” -Russell Brand

This is certainly one way to put it.

15. ”Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” -George Burns

When we are in love, every thought in our life can seem to be controlled by our desire to be with the other person.

16. ”Love is like a faucet, you can turn it off and on.” -Billie Holiday

It may be like a faucet for her, but it isn’t for most other people.

17. ”Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.” -30 Rock

If you just started a new relationship, this may ring true. Before you are completely comfortable with each other, there is a period of time where you pretend that you don’t pluck your eyebrows or wear frumpy clothes around the house.

18. ”Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it’s just another way to bleed.” -Laurell K. Hamilton

This funny love quote is especially true for anyone undergoing a breakup or an extremely bad relationship.

19. ”A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

They say that love is blind, and this quote plays on that. After the relationship is over, have you ever looked back and thought to yourself, “What was I thinking?”

20. ”I love you and it’s getting worse.” -Joseph E. Morris

Love is a terminal illness that we all want to have.

21. ”To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” -Oscar Wilde

Some relationship experts have also theorized that it is impossible to love someone else until you truly love yourself.

22. ”I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” -Jean Illsley Clarke

Ever been married? If so, you can completely sympathize with this sentiment.

23. ”All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” -Charles Schulz

A little chocolate, indeed.

24. ”Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” -Natasha Leggero

Love is also telling someone when they have food in their teeth or toilet paper stuck to their shoe.

25. ”First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.” -Honore de Balzac

Our first loves are always a learning experience. The pain of a breakup never gets easier, but we learn how to manage it better.

26. ”Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.” -Unknown

Well put! A life without love is a terrible life indeed.

27. ”Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” -Lynda Barry

For certain relationships, love can seem more like a ticking hand grenade. Or a bomb. Or both.

28. ”Love, I’ve come to understand is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.” -Nicholas Sparks

Hopefully, this funny love quote is true for your relationship. If it is not true, you may need to consider another relationship.

29. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” -Groucho Marx

The ever popular Groucho Marx manages to concisely voice his opinion on marriage.

30. ”Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.” -Woody Allen

It may be an R rated quote, but that does not negate the humor.

31. ”A touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.” -Plato

Love is what causes us to truly live and feel every moment of our life. When you are in love, you can finally understand the words of the great poets…and perhaps even write some love poetry on your own.

32. “Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.” -Richard Pryor

May your marriage be long and may there never be lawyers involved.

33. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.” -Johnny Carson

Considering Johnny Carson was a former addict and alcoholic, this quote may be questionable. His opinion on love is fairly useful since he had a decade long relationship that became one of the most notorious love stories of all time. If you have never heard of Johnny Carson and June Carter, an evening spent watching Walk the Line is exactly what you need.

34. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” -Chris Rock

It may be offensive for women, but he has a point on at least the first two. And perhaps the third.

35. “Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” -Unknown

With one out of two marriages ending in divorce, this quote is unfortunately on target.

36. “My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” -Rodney Dangerfield

Humorous and amusing, this quote is almost too self-deprecating. Hopefully, his wife was not the one to tell him that she is afraid of the lights.

37. ”If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.” -Jarod Kintz

Jarod Kintz is officially on my list of people to never, ever date.

38. “My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.” -Elayne Boosler

If you grew up in a competitive, success-oriented family, this quote may hit a little too close to home.

39. “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” -Phyllis Diller

Or you could marry a man with poor eyesight and never have to dress up for your entire relationship.

40. “My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.” -Ray Romano

Known for his starring role in Eveyone Loves Raymond, Ray Romano shows that, perhaps, the word “everyone” excludes his wife.

41. “If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” -Lily Tomlin

If you are recently out of a difficult relationship, you may empathize with this funny love quote.

42. “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” -Chelsea Handler

Here, here! If you have an insane family, you may want to avoid introducing your date on the first date or two. For some families, it may even be advisable to wait a couple of months.

43. ”What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.” -Pearl Bailey

Who needs paperwork? No one needs paperwork. Spend those extra hours with the love of your live. When you are on your deathbed, you will never wish that you had done more paperwork.

44. “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” -Jerry Seinfeld

There are a few husbands, however, who manage to be great straight out of the gate.

45. ”Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” -Lemony Snicket

If you go into a relationship hoping that they will change, you can expect to be disappointed. Love is about accepting someone for who they are instead of hoping that they will magically become someone else.

46. “If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” -Fran Lebowitz

As someone who has been in love for five years, I respectively disagree. Of course, Fran Lebowitz’s Wikipedia page does not mention any marriages or partners. Perhaps her quote is an indication that it can be hard to find a soul mate. If you do find your soul mate, do everything that you can to keep them.

47. “Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” -David Sedaris

If you say something hurtful in an argument, it does not stop it from being hurtful for the other person.

48. ”No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.” -Unknown

Cartoonist, writers and comics have joked about this sentiment for years, but there is some truth to it. After a few years of marriage, it is possible to tell what the other person is thinking by just looking at them.

49. “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” -Joan Rivers

Rest in peace, Joan Rivers, your humorous quotes are dearly missed.

50. ”Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” -Albert Einstein

Most people do not know that Einstein was actually married—twice. His first marriage ended in divorce after a five-year separation. The second marriage lasted until the death of his wife.


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