Should I Text Him?

By on August 31, 2014

We’ve all been in that terrible predicament where we are sitting in our chair, staring at our phone, wondering- should I text him? The answer is yes. But why? How? What should you say? What shouldn’t you say? There’s SO much to know- but don’t let that overwhelm you. We’ve got the answers to all your questions.


Why It’s Okay to Text Him First

Why do we, as women, always question ourselves when it comes to texting a guy? We will spend hours contemplating. We’ll even start a new text message with his phone number at the top, yet the message box will be empty because we simply don’t know what to say or don’t even know if we SHOULD text him. But why? Is it because we’re afraid of looking too desperate? Do we think texting first is against the rules of being a woman? Let me tell you this: it is perfectly okay to text him. In fact, most men actually prefer it.

Okay, now, don’t sit there in shock. I know it was probably a surprise to hear that- and you probably don’t even really believe me. I don’t blame you. All your friends probably told you to not text him or you’ll look desperate and easy, and you probably erased the pending text message (yet you’re still sitting there staring at your phone waiting for him to text you, right?). Men like it when women text first. I mean, after all- we all know that men LOVE it when girls make the first move. It’s such a turn on. It shows that you are totally confident and secure in yourself and don’t wait on anyone. You’re a go getter. You know what you want, and you go for it. So why should it be any different when it comes to text messaging? Exactly.


Ladies, before you spend hours contemplating whether or not to text him, the answer is yes. It’s almost always a good idea. He won’t mind and he won’t suddenly think you’re some clingy unconfident weirdo- in fact, he will think exactly the opposite.


A Guide for Each Scenario

Okay, so we’ve made it perfectly clear that it’s okay to text him. Men absolutely love it. But now here comes the hard part: what should you actually say? Here’s a few scenarios to get you started:



1. The cutie you’ve been talking to just gave you his number.

So whether you’ve been chatting it up in a bar or you’ve talked to him a few times in your math class, the time has finally come. He’s given you his number and is ready to take the next step in the relationship. Wow. It’s all on your shoulders now! What will you do?

I can’t stress this enough: don’t be boring. Nobody wants to get the same old, “Hey what’s up” text message. It’s…dull. And he’s probably seen that same text message from 5 other girls in the past few days. Don’t be that girl. Instead, try something like this: “Hey, it’s Sophie. How’d that blue drink treat you last night? Stuck with a hangover?” or “Hey, it’s Abby. Please tell me you did as terrible on that math test as me.” This lets him know who’s texting and also gives him something fun and interesting to talk about with you.


2. You just got home from an awesome date with that special someone.

The sparks were flying the whole time. You’ve been sitting on your bed with a goofy smile ever since you walked in the door. You just can’t get him out of your head and the date was nothing short of perfect. What will you say?

First and foremost, you should absolutely let him know what an amazing time you had. Don’t be shy! Something like, “James! Thank you so much for tonight. It was incredible. The pizza was delicious, the movie was awesome, and YOU were unbelievable. We should do it again sometime”. Here, you’ve covered all the basis. You put his name in the text to make it personable, you told him everything you loved about the date (including HIM), and you let him know you want to go out again. Perfection.


3. You just had sex for the first time with a new partner.


Okay, this is important. I mean, yeah you had an AMAZING time, but there’s still a little bit of awkwardness. You don’t want to make anything weird, and you don’t want to act like that’s all you want from him (unless that’s what you want). There’s a few options to choose from, but don’t try to play it off like nothing happened. This makes him think it was a bad time.

You could say something like, “Wow. You were incredible last night” or “I loved everything about last night. The drinks, the play- and especially you”. Either way, you’re letting him know that you had a good time and you want to do it again. You could also follow up by saying, “So, did you have fun last night?” or “Did you have as much fun as I did yesterday?”


4. You just met his friends/family members.

Well, if you are meeting his family or friends than you MUST be something special. So you need to make sure you let him know that you’re grateful for the opportunity and that you loved his family/friends. (And yes, you should probably say this even if you weren’t a huge fan of his friends or family members).

Say something along the lines of, “Thank you so much for inviting me to dinner with your parents last night! They were lovely” or “Thanks for bringing me to the bar with you yesterday. Your friends and cool and CRAZY! Lol”. You could then follow this text message with something like, “What did they think of me?” (Because I know you’re probably DYING to find out- I don’t blame you!).


5. Something awkward happened.

Okay, so let’s say you did something totally awkward with a guy friend the night before. Maybe you got totally drunk and were acting stupid. Maybe you grabbed your guy friend and started making out with him- even though the two of you were “just friends”. Really, there’s a whole list of awkward and embarrassing moments that could happen. But what do you say the next day?

Really, the only thing TO say, is sorry. And you should ABSOLUTELY say you’re sorry- even if you are overwhelmingly embarrassed. This will help ease the air a little bit and help the two of you work past it much quicker than trying to avoid the situation altogether. A simple “I’m so sorry about last night” is a great way to start. Then, based off of his answer, you will know what to do next.


6You’re not interested in him.

There’s probably nothing worse than being led on by someone who is not interested in you. If you went on a date with a guy you thought you liked but it ended up being a bust come date night, then you need to let him know right off the bat. Don’t wait for him to text you saying what an awesome person you are or how great the night was- that will only kill his spirit even more. You need to upfront and honest with him as soon as you can. There’s a few different ways to do this.

You could always simply say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is going to work out. You’re a nice guy but I don’t see anything happening between us. Thank you for the date though”. That’s subtle, but gets the point across fairly quickly. If you want to be even more subtle and friendly about it, try something like “Hey. Listen, you’re a really nice guy but I don’t think I see anything romantic happening between us. We can stay friends if you’d like, though!”

Times You Shouldn’t Text Him

Well, for the most part it’s almost always okay to text him first. But, of course, there are still some occasions in which you should absolutely avoid texting him altogether. We’ve broken down the few times you should NOT text him.


1. When you are mad.

This is really simple: when you are mad, you almost always say things you don’t mean. Which means you could end up saying something really nasty and rude to him that will totally turn him off and ruin your relationship. If you are mad, do not text him. Wait to cool off and them return to the conversation with a level head so you can discuss the situation.


2. When you are drunk.

Ah, those infamous drunk texts. Those very awkward, embarrassing, and totally terrible drunk texts. You don’t want to make a fool out of yourself, right? Then I highly suggest avoid texting him while you’re under the influence. You might definitely say something “out there” that will make you look odd, desperate, weird- the list goes on and on. I mean, when you’re drunk you are a lot more “open” about things. You’d hate to tell him something personal about yourself or maybe even something you’ve been thinking about doing to him (hint hint). Just please, avoid the drunk text nightmare and save your texting for the next day.

text him

3. If you’ve already texted him that day.

It’s a rule of thumb: text someone, and if they don’t text back, don’t keep texting them. I mean, there’s a reason they didn’t text back, right? Maybe they’re busy at work. Maybe they’re working on homework. Maybe they just plain out don’t want to talk to you. Whatever their reason is for not texting back, you don’t want to be annoying or look desperate. If you’ve already texted him once that day- and he didn’t text back- let it be. He will contact you if he wants to talk.


Texts You Should Never Send Him

There are just some things you should NOT say to a man. Here is a few absolute no-nos when it comes to texting a guy.

1. I can’t wait to go out with you again.

Sounds harmless, right? But you know what you just did there? You automatically assumed that there’s going to be a next time. You automatically assumed he wants your company again. Instead of telling him you had a nice time, you decided that he had as much fun as you are and the two of you are going to go on a lot of grand adventures together. But unfortunately, it just doesn’t work like that. This text message is just too presumable. Instead, say something like, “Wow, I had a really nice time with you Jeff. I’d love to do it again sometime”. This lets him know that you loved the date and, if he is on the same page, you would love to do it again sometime.

2. What’s up?

You have probably sent this text, what, a million times by now? Yeah, and you know what? He’s read that same text a million times already. One word: boring. When you’re texting a guy, you don’t want to be boring. It’s as easy as that. You don’t want to be like everybody else and you certainly don’t want him to think that you’re a snooze fest. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone that is boring? Instead try something like, “Hey! Are you going to Brynn’s party tonight?” or “Hey! Have you seen the new Star Trek movie?” Basically send him anything that will start a conversation.

3. Where have you been?

When you haven’t talked to someone in awhile and you send this text message, their reply will almost always start with “I’m sorry” following by “I’ve been busy with work, school, etc.” And you know what you just did there? You guilt tripped him into talking to you and made him feel bad. That’s totally NOT what you should do. Instead, try saying something like, “Hey! Haven’t heard from you in awhile. How have you been?” That lets him know you’ve been thinking about him but you understand life gets hectic.

4. Thinking about you!

Unless you’ve been in a relationship with this guy for quite some time, please don’t send this text message. Sending this to a guy you barely know is a recipe for disaster. He will read this and automatically think, “Wow. This girl is crazy and super clingy!” I mean, after all- it’s a little weird to be thinking so much about someone you just met and actually tell them. (I mean, of course it’s okay to be thinking about that hottie nonstop! I do it too- just don’t let HIM know it!) It’s just a little too desperate. Refrain from anything like this.


Don’t let text messaging make or break you. It’s easier than you think to text that special guy in your life!


What do you think? Should women text a man first? Is there certain times you shouldn’t text him? What should you say? We are dying to hear your opinion!


  1. Emily

    April 17, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    So I end up texting this guy every few weeks, but he doesn’t respond via text, but always talks to me about the text in person and otherwise seems interested. We’ve gone out to bars to see music alone and such. So I’m just very confused.

    • web admin

      web admin

      April 18, 2017 at 10:12 am

      Many people are not comfortable speaking through text messages. Others find it to be impersonal. Others still enjoy talking in person as it is more intimate. This personality trait may be a blessing. Next time that you want to speak with him, explain that you want to see him in person. He will probably return your message quickly. Have a great day, Emily!

  2. Chanelle

    March 21, 2017 at 6:19 am

    There is this guy I like and had a crush on a couple of years (I liked him but there were also other guys and bit by bit I started moving on) But a few weeks ago he said he liked me and thought I was very attractive then we started texting about us and we met up a couple of times to kiss and find out if there are real feelings. He even said that if I was sure I wanted him he wants a relationship with me. unfortunately is the last time we talked 10 days ago. I do not know where I stand now. Is it a good idea to text him or is him being silent my answer.

    with love, Chanelle

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 21, 2017 at 1:44 pm

      It is clear that the two of you are interested in each other. There is no reason for you to not communicate with him. Try to spend additional time with him. This will allow the two of you to become closer to each other. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Chanelle!

  3. Chanelle

    March 21, 2017 at 1:42 am

    There is this guy and we started texting a month a go and then we texted for about 3 weeks and we “chilled” twice. We mer more to kiss because we needed to sneak around. He said he really likes me and he would like to date me if I am sure I want him.
    I have not told him that I had a crush on him a couple of times. And after we kissed for the last time up untill now he texted me, but it wasnt a very long convo. That moment is already 11 days ago and I dont know if its smart to text or if I shouldnt. I tried twice but the convo’s were really short and too boring/awkward.
    Does he think I don’t like him enough or does he just not like me enough?

    Thank you for reading and hopefully replying,

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 21, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      It is clear that the two of you are interested in each other. There is no reason for you to not communicate with him. Try to spend additional time with him. This will allow the two of you to become closer to each other. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Chanelle!

  4. Kelly

    March 20, 2017 at 1:29 pm

    Hi. There is this guy that I really like and last year we had a strong connection and spoke and hung out together. Somehow our conversations started fading and I automatically started to assume that the guy was no longer interested but at the beginning of this year we had small talks which were mostly started by him but because I still had that thought that if he was into me our conversationso would not be so short therefore since they have shortened so had his interest i replied and just let everything slide. 2 months go by and I realize that it was just my perception of things now I really miss him and I really want to start talking to him again I just don’t know what exactly to say to start things off…please help because I know that all I end to do is send one text and I can sort everything from there. I’m even willing track my pride down just to let him know how I feel

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 20, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      If you want to reach out to him and share your feelings with him, then do so. It can not hurt for you to share your feelings. If he is not interested in developing a relationship with you again, then at least you know that you tried. Speak with him about your thoughts and allow him to share his mind with you as well. Best of luck, Kelly!

  5. Gabrielle

    March 12, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    Hi, I wrote here earlier about a guy I was seeing who only wanted to be casual, and I’ve run into another issue. It turns out pretty much all of my friends thought I deserved better once I told them my situation with this guy, but I didn’t see him the way they did until he sent me a text about our get-together a couple weeks ago. About an hour before our date, he texted me and said “I only have a couple of hours to hang” and I guess my emotions got the best of me, I overreacted and replied “Just forget it” because I felt like my friends were right and he doesn’t really want to spend time with me. He hasn’t replied since I sent that about 2 weeks back. I figured he would say something or maybe he didn’t respond because I was upset and thought I needed space. For some reason, I still want to hang out with him despite what my friends have told me, and I can’t stop thinking about him and I don’t know what to do about it. Do you think I should move on or try and text him again?

    • web admin

      web admin

      March 13, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      If you haven’t spoken to him for two weeks, then your relationship is over. Allow him to fade from your thoughts. In the future, remember that some people are busy and may only have a few hours available to share with you each day. They may have family concerns or other things that they need to address. Best of luck, Gabrielle!

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