Should I Text Him?

By on August 31, 2014

We’ve all been in that terrible predicament where we are sitting in our chair, staring at our phone, wondering- should I text him? The answer is yes. But why? How? What should you say? What shouldn’t you say? There’s SO much to know- but don’t let that overwhelm you. We’ve got the answers to all your questions.


Why It’s Okay to Text Him First

Why do we, as women, always question ourselves when it comes to texting a guy? We will spend hours contemplating. We’ll even start a new text message with his phone number at the top, yet the message box will be empty because we simply don’t know what to say or don’t even know if we SHOULD text him. But why? Is it because we’re afraid of looking too desperate? Do we think texting first is against the rules of being a woman? Let me tell you this: it is perfectly okay to text him. In fact, most men actually prefer it.

Okay, now, don’t sit there in shock. I know it was probably a surprise to hear that- and you probably don’t even really believe me. I don’t blame you. All your friends probably told you to not text him or you’ll look desperate and easy, and you probably erased the pending text message (yet you’re still sitting there staring at your phone waiting for him to text you, right?). Men like it when women text first. I mean, after all- we all know that men LOVE it when girls make the first move. It’s such a turn on. It shows that you are totally confident and secure in yourself and don’t wait on anyone. You’re a go getter. You know what you want, and you go for it. So why should it be any different when it comes to text messaging? Exactly.


Ladies, before you spend hours contemplating whether or not to text him, the answer is yes. It’s almost always a good idea. He won’t mind and he won’t suddenly think you’re some clingy unconfident weirdo- in fact, he will think exactly the opposite.


A Guide for Each Scenario

Okay, so we’ve made it perfectly clear that it’s okay to text him. Men absolutely love it. But now here comes the hard part: what should you actually say? Here’s a few scenarios to get you started:



1. The cutie you’ve been talking to just gave you his number.

So whether you’ve been chatting it up in a bar or you’ve talked to him a few times in your math class, the time has finally come. He’s given you his number and is ready to take the next step in the relationship. Wow. It’s all on your shoulders now! What will you do?

I can’t stress this enough: don’t be boring. Nobody wants to get the same old, “Hey what’s up” text message. It’s…dull. And he’s probably seen that same text message from 5 other girls in the past few days. Don’t be that girl. Instead, try something like this: “Hey, it’s Sophie. How’d that blue drink treat you last night? Stuck with a hangover?” or “Hey, it’s Abby. Please tell me you did as terrible on that math test as me.” This lets him know who’s texting and also gives him something fun and interesting to talk about with you.


2. You just got home from an awesome date with that special someone.

The sparks were flying the whole time. You’ve been sitting on your bed with a goofy smile ever since you walked in the door. You just can’t get him out of your head and the date was nothing short of perfect. What will you say?

First and foremost, you should absolutely let him know what an amazing time you had. Don’t be shy! Something like, “James! Thank you so much for tonight. It was incredible. The pizza was delicious, the movie was awesome, and YOU were unbelievable. We should do it again sometime”. Here, you’ve covered all the basis. You put his name in the text to make it personable, you told him everything you loved about the date (including HIM), and you let him know you want to go out again. Perfection.


3. You just had sex for the first time with a new partner.


Okay, this is important. I mean, yeah you had an AMAZING time, but there’s still a little bit of awkwardness. You don’t want to make anything weird, and you don’t want to act like that’s all you want from him (unless that’s what you want). There’s a few options to choose from, but don’t try to play it off like nothing happened. This makes him think it was a bad time.

You could say something like, “Wow. You were incredible last night” or “I loved everything about last night. The drinks, the play- and especially you”. Either way, you’re letting him know that you had a good time and you want to do it again. You could also follow up by saying, “So, did you have fun last night?” or “Did you have as much fun as I did yesterday?”


4. You just met his friends/family members.

Well, if you are meeting his family or friends than you MUST be something special. So you need to make sure you let him know that you’re grateful for the opportunity and that you loved his family/friends. (And yes, you should probably say this even if you weren’t a huge fan of his friends or family members).

Say something along the lines of, “Thank you so much for inviting me to dinner with your parents last night! They were lovely” or “Thanks for bringing me to the bar with you yesterday. Your friends and cool and CRAZY! Lol”. You could then follow this text message with something like, “What did they think of me?” (Because I know you’re probably DYING to find out- I don’t blame you!).


5. Something awkward happened.

Okay, so let’s say you did something totally awkward with a guy friend the night before. Maybe you got totally drunk and were acting stupid. Maybe you grabbed your guy friend and started making out with him- even though the two of you were “just friends”. Really, there’s a whole list of awkward and embarrassing moments that could happen. But what do you say the next day?

Really, the only thing TO say, is sorry. And you should ABSOLUTELY say you’re sorry- even if you are overwhelmingly embarrassed. This will help ease the air a little bit and help the two of you work past it much quicker than trying to avoid the situation altogether. A simple “I’m so sorry about last night” is a great way to start. Then, based off of his answer, you will know what to do next.


6You’re not interested in him.

There’s probably nothing worse than being led on by someone who is not interested in you. If you went on a date with a guy you thought you liked but it ended up being a bust come date night, then you need to let him know right off the bat. Don’t wait for him to text you saying what an awesome person you are or how great the night was- that will only kill his spirit even more. You need to upfront and honest with him as soon as you can. There’s a few different ways to do this.

You could always simply say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is going to work out. You’re a nice guy but I don’t see anything happening between us. Thank you for the date though”. That’s subtle, but gets the point across fairly quickly. If you want to be even more subtle and friendly about it, try something like “Hey. Listen, you’re a really nice guy but I don’t think I see anything romantic happening between us. We can stay friends if you’d like, though!”

Times You Shouldn’t Text Him

Well, for the most part it’s almost always okay to text him first. But, of course, there are still some occasions in which you should absolutely avoid texting him altogether. We’ve broken down the few times you should NOT text him.


1. When you are mad.

This is really simple: when you are mad, you almost always say things you don’t mean. Which means you could end up saying something really nasty and rude to him that will totally turn him off and ruin your relationship. If you are mad, do not text him. Wait to cool off and them return to the conversation with a level head so you can discuss the situation.


2. When you are drunk.

Ah, those infamous drunk texts. Those very awkward, embarrassing, and totally terrible drunk texts. You don’t want to make a fool out of yourself, right? Then I highly suggest avoid texting him while you’re under the influence. You might definitely say something “out there” that will make you look odd, desperate, weird- the list goes on and on. I mean, when you’re drunk you are a lot more “open” about things. You’d hate to tell him something personal about yourself or maybe even something you’ve been thinking about doing to him (hint hint). Just please, avoid the drunk text nightmare and save your texting for the next day.

text him

3. If you’ve already texted him that day.

It’s a rule of thumb: text someone, and if they don’t text back, don’t keep texting them. I mean, there’s a reason they didn’t text back, right? Maybe they’re busy at work. Maybe they’re working on homework. Maybe they just plain out don’t want to talk to you. Whatever their reason is for not texting back, you don’t want to be annoying or look desperate. If you’ve already texted him once that day- and he didn’t text back- let it be. He will contact you if he wants to talk.


Texts You Should Never Send Him

There are just some things you should NOT say to a man. Here is a few absolute no-nos when it comes to texting a guy.

1. I can’t wait to go out with you again.

Sounds harmless, right? But you know what you just did there? You automatically assumed that there’s going to be a next time. You automatically assumed he wants your company again. Instead of telling him you had a nice time, you decided that he had as much fun as you are and the two of you are going to go on a lot of grand adventures together. But unfortunately, it just doesn’t work like that. This text message is just too presumable. Instead, say something like, “Wow, I had a really nice time with you Jeff. I’d love to do it again sometime”. This lets him know that you loved the date and, if he is on the same page, you would love to do it again sometime.

2. What’s up?

You have probably sent this text, what, a million times by now? Yeah, and you know what? He’s read that same text a million times already. One word: boring. When you’re texting a guy, you don’t want to be boring. It’s as easy as that. You don’t want to be like everybody else and you certainly don’t want him to think that you’re a snooze fest. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone that is boring? Instead try something like, “Hey! Are you going to Brynn’s party tonight?” or “Hey! Have you seen the new Star Trek movie?” Basically send him anything that will start a conversation.

3. Where have you been?

When you haven’t talked to someone in awhile and you send this text message, their reply will almost always start with “I’m sorry” following by “I’ve been busy with work, school, etc.” And you know what you just did there? You guilt tripped him into talking to you and made him feel bad. That’s totally NOT what you should do. Instead, try saying something like, “Hey! Haven’t heard from you in awhile. How have you been?” That lets him know you’ve been thinking about him but you understand life gets hectic.

4. Thinking about you!

Unless you’ve been in a relationship with this guy for quite some time, please don’t send this text message. Sending this to a guy you barely know is a recipe for disaster. He will read this and automatically think, “Wow. This girl is crazy and super clingy!” I mean, after all- it’s a little weird to be thinking so much about someone you just met and actually tell them. (I mean, of course it’s okay to be thinking about that hottie nonstop! I do it too- just don’t let HIM know it!) It’s just a little too desperate. Refrain from anything like this.


Don’t let text messaging make or break you. It’s easier than you think to text that special guy in your life!


What do you think? Should women text a man first? Is there certain times you shouldn’t text him? What should you say? We are dying to hear your opinion!


  1. Alex

    February 14, 2017 at 5:59 pm

    My roommate’s boyfriend (S) had a roommate (J) who caught my attention. I asked them if they could introduce J to me sometime, and thankfully they did on my birthday (10/15). They invited him over.
    Things were a little tense between the two of us at first. He was kind of snarky with me from the beginning, but friendly with my roommate and her bf. I was confused because I was told by S that J said I seemed like a cool person and wanted to know me. Time passes on and my roomie & S had to leave. J surprisingly stayed and we slowly got to know each other. Things only escalated there and it felt like we were clicking very well! Shared laughs, funny stories, and just having a good time He wasn’t snarky anymore, just being a goof.
    He spent up until midnight with me and before he left, we exchanged numbers, hugged and he was off to his place.

    The next day comes, and my roomie and S decided to ask J how the day went and they said they’d never seen him so happy before! J told them that he had a great time and when S asked if he would date me, J said, “maybe” with a huge grin. Of course they reported this back to me and I get all giddy and excited for what the future has in store for the two of us.
    Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.
    Whenever I would text him, he never enganged into the conversation. His replies would be dry and it always gave off that he didn’t want to talk. When I’d ask if he wanted to hang out a weekend, he always said he was busy and never would try to set some other day. Note, I would always text him first.
    I decided to test it out and not text him to see if he would text me fist for once. Our last text was Nov 26th, 2016 and I haven’t heard from him since. Whenever we run into each other, at first he would wave, but now he avoids me. Should I even shoot him a text at this point? I really like this guy and I feel like it could work out, even just as friends.
    (Also, I was told by S that J got out of a 4 year relationship recently, sometime before or during the beginning of fall semester…)
    I’m so sorry this is such a long message, but I really didn’t know how to shorten it up.

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 15, 2017 at 9:16 am

      You can try to become friends with him if you want to. Send him a message asking if he wants to hang out today or tomorrow. If he says no, but does not attempt to set another date, then leave him be. If he wants to hang out with you, then you can attempt to establish your relationship again. Have a great day, Alex!

  2. Andy

    February 2, 2017 at 5:23 am

    Is it really okay to text him first? We are not really that close though we met few years ago and I just thought why not message him, so i did and it was fun talking to him but I have to go (since its almost 12mn!) so I said it was nice talking to him and all. He told me to just message him if i want to chat or something. I did initiate the first conversation should I text him first again or just wait or something. Note: He message me like 3yrs ago and I just recently saw it that’s why I actually message him (my stupid memory uggh). Thanks!!

    • web admin

      web admin

      February 2, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      Of course it is okay for you to text him first. There is absolutely no reason for you to not take charge in your relationship. You will find that your relationship will grow, the more that you communicate with him. If possible, try to spend time with him in person. That will be the most nourishing action for your relationship. Best of luck, Andy!

      • Andy

        February 3, 2017 at 7:19 am

        Even though I texted him first before? I was thinking that he should initiate this time around.

        • web admin

          web admin

          February 3, 2017 at 11:35 am

          There are positives and negatives of waiting for someone else to text you. They may be excited for the chance to send you a message, but they also may never send you a message. Every day that you wait is another chance for their mind to stray. It is up to you to take the action that you choose. Best of luck with your decision, Andy!

  3. Christina Shultz

    January 12, 2017 at 5:39 am

    So this guy gave me his number in november. And i texted him in December. We clicked some pics together on farewell party and i wanted to see those pics. So i texted him. He did not reply the same day so i texted him again the next morning when he was online. I complimented him and he complimented me back and told me he posted those pics on insta. I am not any social networking site. I texted him again in the the evening to ask him whether he would come to school the next. This time too he was late to reply and left my message seen. Sounds bad, but i texted him again. This time he replied and asked me how the pics we clicked togther were? I said very beautiful. Then i did not text him again. After few days i received Christmas wishes from him and i sent an image(with Christmas wishes) in reply. He used that image as his whatsapp DP. Then i texted him on new year. And thats all.
    These days we are having exams. Should i text him and ask him how his exam was? Or am i just making things worse off? I initiated the chat 3 times. What should i do? Please help…

    • web admin

      web admin

      January 12, 2017 at 10:52 am

      Allow him in initiate the next conversation. It seems as though the two of you rarely speak. If he does not message you, then there is no reason to send him a message. However, if your really want to speak with him, then send him a message. If he does message you, then try to spend time with him in person so the two of you become closer. Best of luck, Christina!

  4. Nafel

    December 16, 2016 at 1:45 am

    So i met this guy on the internet,we r living in the same coubtry, we had great connection and he admitted that he started to fall in love with me, but soon after that he said we can’t be together cause he was moving to Australia soon for his phd and we can’t stay in the virtual, we agreed on staying just Friends, but now that he moved there i last texted him to ask if he arrived safely and he replayed yes and asked me to take care of myself, and we didn’t talk even since, now i don’t know whether i should text him or I’ll look clingy, maybe he is busy adapting to his new life, i dont want to seem so clingy!! Help me please

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 16, 2016 at 8:48 am

      Text him just to see how things are going. If he is in Australia and doesn’t want a long distance relationship, don’t be surprised if he just treats you like a friend. It can be very hard to be there for someone who just wants to be friends, so decide now if you can handle that. If you want to stay friends, he may appreciate the support–the first few months of moving to a new country can be pretty lonely, so he may like hearing from someone back at home.

  5. Kim

    December 11, 2016 at 9:19 pm

    I’ve met this guy about 2 months ago on online dating. We’re living in the different countries. At that time, we usually having chat almost everyday. But now, we didnt have chat a lot like everyday. Now, i always to open or say hi first to him. So, after 5 days we didnt talk. I text him first and he reply directly. He said he’s at work. And then i say “happy working” then after 5 hours he just read it without reply. Is it normal because i just say happy working? And when is the right time if i want to text him again from our last conversation? Thanks before.

    • web admin

      web admin

      December 12, 2016 at 9:43 am

      He may just be busy or he may have given up on the idea of having a long distance relationship. Many people do not realize how difficult the distance can be, so he may have just realized that it was not what he wanted. Go ahead and text him–the worst case scenario is that you find out sooner rather than later that the relationship is over. And in the best case scenario, your text will get him talking again and your relationship can return to normal. Best of luck, Kim!

  6. Romy

    November 24, 2016 at 7:35 am

    So with me its a tricky one…
    I have been seeing (pretty much going out) with a guy since Jan-June. It did en well even though I ended it, because if I had stayed with him I would be fooling myself and look like a mug. He wanted his cake and to eat it in other words he liked the best of both worlds and it honestly broke my heart having let him go but he was too immature for me at the time. We wanted different things.

    Anyway, over the summer you can imagine the usual ‘we will stay in touch’ was non-existent. We both enjoyed our summer being single and I too was actually glad I wasn’t tied down to anyone during that time. However, at the end of the summer we bumped into eachother on a night out and it wasn’t awkward. I was longing the time to see him at this point so I could show him what every girl wants to show him…what he was missing and lost. It sort of worked because he was trying to tell me how much he has changed. Since September I have seen him on rare ocasions. WE have had ups and downs, in other words sometimes things were good and we enjoyed seeing eachother but then something would happen again that takes us two steps back. We are both very tricky people who have come to the conclusion that we both really like and care for eachother but because I still think he can be fickle still, its not secure enough in my opinion to expect to be in a relationship. I have played much harder to get which I can tell he likes. I do love him. I cannot help my feelings and he has told me he loves me when we recently fell out. Now we are almost jsut accepting a friendship (sort of with benefits but because of the history I do not believe it is your stereo typical F W Ben’s.

    Im struglling now whether its okay to text him. There are times when I do becayse I miss him and I feel that I wouldn’t be looking too keen becayse he has said so much now to me that I feel less anxious about the way he feels about me. He does text me sometimes now for general conversation and I WANT TO KNOW IF ITS TIME NOW THAT I CAN DO THE SAME. I AM AFRAID OF GETTING HURT AND LETTING MY GUARD DOWN AGAIN TO HAVE MY HEART BROKEN. I DON’T KNOW IF HE IS GEUINE.
    Advice please x

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 24, 2016 at 8:05 am

      It seems like you commented twice on this one. I have to answer and approve every comment individually, so it may sometimes take a little while for it to appear. If you do not see your comment right away, do not worry because you will. Read through my last response and let me know if you have any other questions. Thanks for commenting!

  7. Romy

    November 24, 2016 at 7:35 am

    So with me its a tricky one…
    I have been seeing (pretty much going out) with a guy since Jan-June. It did en well even though I ended it, because if I had stayed with him I would be fooling myself and look like a mug. He wanted his cake and to eat it in other words he liked the best of both worlds and it honestly broke my heart having let him go but he was too immature for me at the time. We wanted different things.

    Anyway, over the summer you can imagine the usual ‘we will stay in touch’ was non-existent. We both enjoyed our summer being single and I too was actually glad I wasn’t tied down to anyone during that time. However, at the end of the summer we bumped into eachother on a night out and it wasn’t awkward. I was longing the time to see him at this point so I could show him what every girl wants to show him…what he was missing and lost. It sort of worked because he was trying to tell me how much he has changed. Since September I have seen him on rare ocasions. WE have had ups and downs, in other words sometimes things were good and we enjoyed seeing eachother but then something would happen again that takes us two steps back. We are both very tricky people who have come to the conclusion that we both really like and care for eachother but because I still think he can be fickle still, its not secure enough in my opinion to expect to be in a relationship. I have played much harder to get which I can tell he likes. I do love him. I cannot help my feelings and he has told me he loves me when we recently fell out. Now we are almost jsut accepting a friendship (sort of with benefits but because of the history I do not believe it is your stereo typical F W Ben’s.

    Im struglling now whether its okay to text him. There are times when I do becayse I miss him and I feel that I wouldn’t be looking too keen becayse he has said so much now to me that I feel less anxious about the way he feels about me. He does text me sometimes now for general conversation and I WANT TO KNOW IF ITS TIME NOW THAT I CAN DO THE SAME. I AM AFRAID OF GETTING HURT AND LETTING MY GUARD DOWN AGAIN TO HAVE MY HEART BROKEN. I DON’T KNOW IF HE IS GEUINE.
    Advice please x

    • web admin

      web admin

      November 24, 2016 at 8:04 am

      You can text him sometimes. He does care for you, wants to be friends and also enjoys the friends with benefits aspect of the relationship. At some point, you will really want to consider moving on. You will never be able to get over him and have a more solid relationship until you end the on-again-off-again relationship that you guys currently have. It is up to you what to do, but it will be far less emotional stress in the long run if you cut your losses and find someone that is a better fit and more available for you.

      • Romy

        November 25, 2016 at 3:16 am

        Thank you for your response. I have thought about it in two ways. It becomes a viscous circle if I keep going as it is at the moment. Say I go out with him have a great evening and then go back and sleep with him and have no regrets, I do come away afterwards over the next few days feeling depressed. He agrees that there are a lot of emotions involved between us sexually. He is new to all this we are only 18, he has always looked up to the image of a lad but now I can tell as he is working already, that he has calmed down a lot and rarely goes out anymore. But we both know the reality of us now. I am so glad we are getting on and not avoiding eachother and I do know he has said he would like to maybe go into a relationship and try it but I am moving to work abroad in January for 3 months and he knows that and I think its what has held him back. He has admitted recently that he did mess me around because he wanted the best of both worlds and he has said multiple times recently that he has never felt like this about a girl before and that I have been the only girl he has cared for and been ever close to loving. I can tell he is genuine when he tells me this and dont doubt him but the reality then hits him and thats when he goes quite I think and I understand why. I used to doubt that he never had real feelings for me and just used me because he knew I would always forgive him adn be there. I have been so much more stronger than I was before and he can see that.
        I know the timer is running out soon and I will have to say that long last goodbye for a while at least. Im dreading it because there is nothing now that will change this bond I have with him that I have never had before. Do you think that if things are meant to be they will one day. I know you arent a psychic but what is your instinct. Are we just going to always remain in a viscous cycle or will there be an oppotunity one day to be in a relationship when time is right?
        Thanks x

        • web admin

          web admin

          November 25, 2016 at 7:34 am

          If you can transition to being friends and stay in touch as just friends, then there is a chance that you could be back together some day. There is no way to know for sure, but it is possible. Plus, you are more likely to end up together once you have both had a chance to mature and once you have broken out of the vicious cycle that you are currently in. On a personal level, my husband and I ended up getting married after a year on opposite sides of the world. We did have a good relationship before I moved to another country, but we chose to just remain friends for the year because of distance. While it does not always work out, people can and do get back together years later when both people have had a chance to learn and grow.

  8. Michelle

    October 26, 2016 at 4:28 am

    Hi, I met this guy about a month ago, he sold me my car.
    He allways texts me first, and we talk alot on WhatsApp. I can’t figure out if he actually like me, or if he just wants to be friends.
    I am away on a course this week, and today is the first day I didn’t get a message from him. Must a text him first?

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 26, 2016 at 3:00 pm

      You can text him first if you want to further develop your relationship with him. Sometimes he may text first and sometimes you will. This is acceptable. If you want him to text you more, then perhaps ask him out on a date or try to spend time with him. See where your relationship goes and enjoy life, Michelle!

  9. Abby

    October 22, 2016 at 10:27 pm

    So I met a guy through Tinder of the summer. I mostly use my tinder to simply swipe through the people and laugh at some of the more ridiculous profiles. I never talk to any of my matches. But, this one guy messaged me and it intrigued me, and we continued to message through the app for several days before we exchanged numbers. Since it was the summer and I was living with my extremely strict parents and not at school, we never had the chance to meet, but we would spend countless hours on the phone talking about anything and everything, and we did make plans to actually meet once we were back at our respective schools. However, after about two weeks back, we didnt talk as much. I wasn’t too worked up about it; he started a week before I did, and we both knew already that both of us don’t normally respond to texts right away due to work etc. but, after about a month at school, he simply stopped replying. Never being on the receiving end of this, I started to get worried, but I didn’t text him much more than usual (I really hate feeling clingy or needy, so if I get the feeling that I am I pull back) I finally decided to send a message just telling him that I hoped everything was ok, and to simply text me when he found the time. He responded immediately saying that everything was fine and he was at some fast food place. At this point I was mad because I felt super played (I’m not one to go looking for these type of things, and we had shared some really personal stuff, and I just felt like the biggest idiot) and of course I told him how I felt about that. Not getting a reply, I didn’t talk to him for two weeks. After that, I don’t quite remember how but we talked it over and both apologized, because I might have overreacted a little and he apologized for making me feel like I didn’t matter. Unfortunately, we never talked again after that. It’s been 3 months, and sometimes I just wonder what might have happened had we stuck it out. Like I said, I’m not a girl that goes looking for relationships, and I don’t think I could put myself in that situation again, but we got along pretty well, and I do sometimes wonder how he’s doing. What do you think??

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 23, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      It seems as though the two of you have determined that the relationship was not worth it at the time. However, there is no reason for you to quit if you do not want to. Either allow him to drift into the past and take this time to look inward, or send him a message and see if he wants to spend some time with you. Take your chance or don’t, but allow your decision to be your final decision. If he does not respond, then allow him to drift away without a second thought. If you want to search elsewhere or take this time for introspection, then that is always a wise decision to make. Remain positive and mindful, Abby!

  10. Calista

    October 17, 2016 at 2:51 pm

    I met a guy online and had a great first date. He asked if we could do it again prior to the end of the date. The next day he also texted stating he had fun and asked if I wanted to go out again when he returned from visiting his family for a week. I texted back that I had fun too and yes lets get together again. He texted me very short messages twice on his trip but did not comment back to my replies. He never made plans with me though. He did not call or text after he got back in town (5 days ago). Did he have a change of heart? Or just busy? Can I send him a quick text seeing if his trip went well etc…? Or is that chasing…and maybe I should just take a hint that he is not that into me.

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 18, 2016 at 9:44 am

      He may have just been busy and forgotten about it while he was on vacation. The only thing that I could see changing his mind is if he met someone on vacation. I would go ahead and send him a text to ask how he is doing. Perhaps you could also ask what he is up to this weekend as a nudge for him to ask you on a date again. Unless you flood his inbox with messages, I do not see the harm in sending him a text to see how things are going.

      • Calista

        October 19, 2016 at 2:43 pm

        Thanks for the reply. Funny thing. I sent a brief upbeat text checking in. He replied back later a bit apologetically that his travel had been rough and he was having problems with family and work. Said he arrived back feeling really stressed and exhausted and couldn’t seem to get back in the swing of things. I wrote back a supportive reply and also told him to just let me know in the future (when life settles down) if he would like to hang out again–no pressure. He wrote me back the next day and asked me out for the weekend. So the lesson learned for me on this, is that I need to chill!! I had become super neurotic over not hearing from him. Agonizing over what I did wrong or why he might not like me (when I don’t really know this guy or whether or not I like him either). It was my fragile insecure ego going nuts. And the reality is, that his delay had little to do with me. He was busy with other problems in his life. Now maybe he is not going to be my forever guy. Maybe he is not in the right place to get serious about anyone right now. And I certainly want someone who is really into me and making a lot of effort. But for now, I will just enjoy our next date and stop being neurotic and over analyzing. Thanks.

  11. Sophie

    October 15, 2016 at 6:36 am

    I started a new job and I instantly took a shine to my manager and he did the same to me, we were always chatting and flirting. On a works night out we ended up back at his hotel sat at the bar for hours we went back to his room and kissed several times and I wanted to go further as did he but I was sensible and said no cus the next day at work would be awkward, he left and I was as devistated as he was leaving. We have kept in touch and one minute he says he loves me and misses me and the next he tells me to f*** off I can’t read him, I had enough and said to him not to speak to me again and he hasn’t but I really miss him, should I text him? and if so what!!?

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 15, 2016 at 10:44 am

      I would not text him. His behavior is confusing and rather painful to deal with. In the best case scenario, he has no clue what he wants and is bad at expressing his feelings. In the worst case scenario, he is deliberately trying to be emotionally manipulative or use you. Either way, it would be better for you to find a guy who is more loving and compatible for you. Moving on is never easy, but it looks like your only option in this case. Good luck, Sophie!

  12. Ria

    October 8, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    Good article. Thanks.
    In my case, i met a guy online few months ago then I gave him my number and we started chatting at whatsapp. I liked him but he has a gf so i accepted it and let him go.
    Now we haven’t talked from 3 months(i mean chatting, no calls also he leaves far in another country so no meetings). I want to talk to him. Should I text him first this time. Last time, he always started convos because i was really mad at him but didn’t show it much. Please reply. Thank you.

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 9, 2016 at 9:21 am

      Go ahead and just say hello. He may be single by now, and he may be more likely to talk to you if he is single again. If he is not single, it may be best to just go back to not talking to him though because you don’t want to wait around forever for something that may or may not happen. Good luck, Ria!

  13. Turtledove

    September 29, 2016 at 6:28 am

    So, I met this guy almost two months ago. We saw each other and things got hot and We matched parfectly. We didnt get to do that muchu on that night, so We tried to meet up again but didnt succeed. He would write me now and then, mostly just teasing. Then He kinda stopped and i didnt wrote him either. But i did start The convos and carry them on, with him mostlty just responding and not asking. Ofc, i tried to be Light and put The same ammount of interest as him (OK, maybe a little more, but always fun and not needy or desperate) And The last time i sent him a Kiss emojii three nights in a row (just that nothing else, and He would respond The same every time). The last time after i sent The Kiss i Also sent a kinky Picture-after a while) and He didnt reply at al. We didnt chat since then (neither of us initiated). The thing îs I really got into this guy. Like i ve Ben thinking about him alot, i wanna know him, figure him out, taaalk to him, cause The experience with him was so goood! And i am thinking about sending him an emojii again, but i wanna see if He reaches out to me. What should i do? I want him to text me and Help!

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 30, 2016 at 10:32 am

      It would be best for you to send him another message which requests for the two of you to meet up. It seems as though your relationship is at its strongest when the two of you are together in person. You may find that a text based relationship will slowly become non-communicative if you do not meet in person. If he does not want to meet with you, then continue to speak with him until you are able to find each other. Remain positive and talk to him whenever you can, Turtledove!

      • Turtledove

        October 1, 2016 at 9:28 am

        Well, I did send him a kiss yesterday and he didnt respond at all. I felt a bit silly. Later in I found out that he might be seeing another girl. Which is fine by me. He doesnt seem The type of a relationship, like serious one, regatdless I really wanna talk to him and meet with him some day..after I sent The emoticon and didnt get any reply I didnt write anything else. I don’t want him to think I don’t have other options but him, still I do just wanna fugure this guy. He might not be such a big deal in The end but I cant rest it. Should I just drop it, and forget about him? Maybe he just doesnt need all of this. I don’t wanna look desperate and clingy or so. What should I do?

        • web admin

          web admin

          October 1, 2016 at 1:18 pm

          If you think that he is dating her and not in an official relationship, you may as well stay friends with him so that you are well-placed when they actually do break up. If they are actually going out, then you will want to hold off and respect their relationship. After all, you will never trust him not to just leave you if he leaves her for you. Be patient and hope that his relationship ends sooner rather than later. Good luck, Turtledove!

          • Turtledove

            October 3, 2016 at 9:17 am

            Well, he replyed today, with a Kiss. I didnt write anything to him, I might as well wait the same amount of days it took him to write me before I text him again. Ofc, that’s what I tought too, I just dont know how to proceed with this..I think I will just lay back for now, and see what happens. If he doesnt write me these days I will probably. But based on what I told you (I know it’s little and vague) could this guy be thinking of me time to time? Does he thinks I dont have other options but him or that I like him?

            Haha, oh well.
            I am waiting for your reply(jopefully I didnt bother you that much) but not before thanking you so much for your time and advice, you really helped me and encouraged me to stay chill and positive. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  14. Laura

    September 19, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    So I met this guy in college and we used to text nonstop every day over summer because we live in different states. We got along really well and we would tease each other and flirt with each other. We both liked each other and made it clear, but then one day he completely stopped texting me out of nowhere. I was mad when that happened but now I wish I had tried texting him instead of waiting for him to talk to me first. We’re both back at school now and I miss talking to him so I’d like to text him but I’m afraid he met someone else or got back with his ex and maybe that’s why he stopped talking to me. It’s been about a month and I don’t want to seem desperate so I don’t know what to do, should I text him again?

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 19, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      Go ahead and text him! He may just be afraid to text you, or life may have gotten in the way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to see how an old friend is doing after a month or more of not talking. Plus, texting him once a month later is really not a clingy or desperate thing to do. You would have to text him a lot more than that to seem desperate! You will never know what could be possible unless you make a move, so I would go for it! Good luck, Laura!

  15. Lilly

    September 15, 2016 at 9:34 am

    I had a great date with a guy after a week of chatting to him. He was going away a few days after our date, he texted me every day while away, multiple times. Said he’d see me when he got back. He came back and the texts got less frequent between us, he didn’t ask to see me in the first week he was home and I got a bit put out by this, never said anything but unmatched him on bumble. We had small chit chat texts last weekend and nothing since. I’d like to see him in person one more time, see how it goes, should I text him when out over the weekend to see if he wants to meet up, or just take it he has lost interest. He hasn’t ignored any of my messages and its been 4 days since the last small interaction.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 16, 2016 at 10:24 am

      If the two of you have not spoken in over a week and you ave decided to unmatch him, then your relationship may be close to over. If he does respond to your text messages normally, then send him a message that you want to hang out. If he agrees, then you can continue your relationship. If not, then perhaps the time between conversations have influenced his loss of interest. Take this experience as a lesson for the future and remain positive!

  16. Maddy

    September 2, 2016 at 8:44 am

    So i met this guy last month. At first we just kinda exchanged our fb and we didn’t really chatted until this week where I msg him a ‘good morning’. We did continue chatting and we even had a lunch together on the same day. We also msgs that night and we came up with nicknames and stuff like that. He even said that he would wouldn’t mind driving me to a theme park that i’ve been dying to go. He even joke about wanting us to meet up on Monday so we can study tgt. But the thing is, it’s always me that starts the conversation and i feel like i ask more question than he does. He doesn’t look for me when I don’t text him but we enjoy chatting with each other until one of us had to say goodnight. So my question is, should I text him first or should i just leave it? I don’t want to feel like i’m too clingy or desperate to talk to him. help?

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 2, 2016 at 10:34 am

      You are likely not acting in a clingy manner when you are speaking with him. Send him a message if you would like to speak with him, but if he does not take the time to message you back, then you can stop messaging him. That said, sometimes people are busy and read texts without being able to answer them. Do what feels right, and if you find yourself always texting him, then you can always wait for him to text you. However, he may not know that he is being tested, and he may think that you are too busy to talk with him.

      • Maddy

        September 2, 2016 at 11:01 am

        So i should just text him without thinking too much then? He does messages back to me fast but maybe i’m just a bit paranoid at why he doesn’t start the conversation first. I had tried waiting but it seems like he didn’t even make an effort to start one. Is it bad if I actually ask him why doesn’t he msg me first?

  17. Sofi

    August 30, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    So I met this guy maybe about a month a go. When we first met we just really vibed and he would tease/flirt w me etc. We even have and inside joke so that day he gave me his Snapchat and when he gave it to me I sent him a funny snap of myself and then we continued talking. So from there we would talk sometimes every other day. Then one night I wasn’t feeling that great so I told him I didn’t really want to talk(I didn’t want him to think I’m just plain old miserable lol) anywho he insisted on knowing what was wrong so he could make me feel better so I told him.And he told me genuienly (well it seemed genuine) told me about what he thought of me and let’s just say it was super sweet. So I felt like I should tell him the I like him and I did. He told me he did as well since that day we used to talk everyday. He started school again and he was a bit nervous so I tried making him feel better etc. I also told him that I missed seeing him because we don’t really see each other that much ex:I saw him three times this month so he said “aww I’ll make time so we can go hang out” so one day we got into a really deep conversation and we started to talk about our families etc. and it got pretty sad and before he went to bed he told me that if I ever needed to talk to him that I could that I would not bother him. Since that day we have not talked that was about 5 days ago. I am afraid he is loosing interest in me or maybe he wasn’t genuine about the way he said he thinks of me. I really would like to talk to him but don’t know if I should in this situation? Also is there a way to know if really does like me back or he just said that because I wasn’t feeling good at the time?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 31, 2016 at 9:39 am

      He probably wants you to send him a message. He may be confused about why you are to interested in speaking to him if you have not shared your reasons. Many people are self conscious and may believe that their actions are the reason why they are not being spoken to. Share your feelings with him so he can better understand you. If you determine at that time that he is not interested in you, then you know that you do not need to continue your relationship. However, it is likely that he is waiting for you to message him. It is not too late.

  18. Amy

    August 25, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    I’ve met a guy on a summer camp. He was flirting with me. We spent great time together and the last day I told him I like him. We kissed. Later I heard that he has a girlfriend in the city where he lives. I texted him that I learnt some thing about him. He said that we can be friends without saying anything about a girlfriend. I agreed without asking more. Soon I texted him about one jazz club and we started talking. He said that he’s alone at home and it would be great if I was there. However, he never texts me first. Does he really has a girlfriend? Is he that type of guy who doesn’t like texting and should I text him again?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 26, 2016 at 9:28 am

      He probably does have a girlfriend. He obviously liked you at the summer camp, but he did not make a move past that because he can’t date you and her at once. The offer to have you come over to his house instead of on a date was so that he would not get caught by his girlfriend and could pursue a physical relationship with you. Unless he becomes single in the future, I would stay away from him. Even if he does become single, I would be hesitant about dating him since you know that he has already cheated on a girlfriend once. Good luck, Amy!

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