How to Love Yourself and Focus on Yourself
Are you having a hard time loving yourself and/or focusing on yourself and your life? Maybe you’re the one always being there for everyone but yourself, or you’re going through a period (or forever) feeling like you’re not good enough as you are? Luckily there are ways to overcome these obstacles and below you find some tips that have helped me over the years!
My principal in drama school used to say there are two ways to change your thoughts: from the inside out or the outside in. That means if you one day wake up and love yourself (sort of like Anita Moorjani) your life is bound to change. If, on the other hand, you start treating yourself as you love yourself (i.e. looking after yourself, your life, your body…) you’re bound to slowly start loving yourself.
I used to grapple with the idea of self-love, simply because I thought your love of self should be proportional to how well you did at things and you could always do better… Then one day I realized that life is a gift we’ve been given and we can do anything we wish with it. Our only task, if you so like, is to experience life. If you like you can sit on a piece of rock doing nothing. There is no “path” you’re supposed to take – you’re free to do what you wish. That, if anything, is the path – explore life on your own terms.
You are a human. Your gift is life. You do what you want with it. There is no right or wrong, no better or worse, so long as you treat yourself, others, and the world with love. Happiness should be your goal, not winning some sort of imaginary race. Enjoy the game instead!
Other People’s Opinion
We’re all different and while there are things you need to learn in case you want to communicate with others in a successful manner so they truly see you and hear you (grab some books about pick-up skills and social skills to get the idea – it’s not about transforming your personality it’s simply that just as with please and thank you, there are ways to communicate with people that work). However, beyond that life is about chemistry. Some people fit with you, some don’t. Constantly evaluating how you communicate is one thing, but evaluating what people think of you is pointless – not least because you’ll never know anyway.
Instead of waiting to love yourself till the day everyone else is loving you, decide to love yourself now. Decide that the core of you is great. Like everyone else you’re learning skill sets and those will never be perfect, but your heart is. Always has been.
The funny thing is, the day you realize you’re great as a person – that your heart is just as good as anyone else’s – people start liking you more.
It’s Not About You
Funnily enough, sometimes loving and focusing on yourself has to do with realizing that it’s not all about you. Once you stop thinking that you have to achieve something, that you have to look a certain way and that you have to do a certain thing and instead focus on what you’re doing and giving to others, you forget your perceived flaws.
It’s not about your ego. It’s not about how you look, or how many medals and accolades you get. It’s about just being and giving of yourself to others. Which, when you let go of the ego – let go of the need to achieve something from every encounter, or situation, becomes a lot easier.
Your Attitude Towards Your Body
Part of loving yourself and treating yourself with respect is looking after your body. What does it mean to look after your body in its most basic terms?
It means you get enough sleep at around the same time every night. Anything else and your body is either constantly jet-lagged, or constantly struggling as it didn’t get enough rest. If that happens your mood and overall health is affected negatively.
It also means you fuel your body – you eat nutritious foods that help keep you healthy and happy. Again, if you don’t, your body and your mood will suffer. It’s a lot easier to love yourself when you’re happy and it’s a lot easier to be happy when you eat the right foods (whole foods, including plenty of vegetables).
What’s more, it means you do physical exercise and spend time outdoors. Physical exercise is needed for a healthy body and happy mind – when we exercise we help the body stay healthy and we create chemicals that make us feel good. Exercise isn’t everything your body needs though, it also needs to spend time in the great outdoors and in the sun so as to feel its best.
Lastly, it means that you only put the best products on your skin. If you cover yourself from top to toe with chemicals, your body will absorb them. Use natural body products – shampoos, body lotion, make-up, perfume, etc. Also, beware of the washing powders, dishwashing liquids, cleaning detergents, air fresheners, etc. that you use, because your body will absorb byproducts from those as well. Choose natural products that don’t harm you. Detox your life!
When you take care of your body, you start feeling better, as you’re showing yourself the respect you deserve. As a result, it’s a lot easier to love yourself.
Your Attitude Towards Your Mind
It’s not just your body which needs pampering, it’s your mind too.
We are living in a society filled with technology, commercials, ideologies…you’re constantly bombarded by information you need to process. You need time off to just be you. Great ways of doing this is to spend time in nature, meditate and do mindful exercises like tai chi, or breath work.
Another way to relax and “unplug” is to go to a spa (and at the spa you pamper your body as well). And if you like saunas, steams, or hot baths, you can detox at the same time. The skin is the body’s largest organ and we can detox simply by sweating, believe it or not! Massages are also said to detox you as toxins are pushed out of your muscles, similar to what happens when you exercise.
When you respect your mind by taking time out to recharge and focus on yourself, you are automatically loving yourself, because you’re giving yourself what you need.
Get a Life
To respect and love yourself, you need to act in ways you respect and love. That goes beyond looking after your body and mind.
Are you truly going for what you want in your life? Are you getting out the door to attend social events? Do you do work you’re proud of? Do you work on your dreams, or current hobbies which enrich your life, instead of watching Netflix every night? Relaxing and watching Netflix is great, but you also have to do things you love and connect with people who will enhance your life.
Often the life we dream of is just outside our comfort zone. We have to break that comfort zone and get off our lazy bottoms and do what it is we know would truly help us live a happy life.