10 Common Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them
Most couples have relationship problems at some point in their relationship. It is a common misconception that good relationships do not have arguments. In reality, good relationships are about good communication and the ability to handle arguments constructively. If you learn how to recognize these relationship problems in advance, you can learn how to solve them and handle the ups and downs of your relationship.
Common Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them
1. Financial Problems
It is normal for couples to have financial problems. From handling the cost of a wedding to moving into a new home, money problems are common. Many divorces actually happen because of the stress of financial problems. Before couples choose to get married or move in together, they need to have a talk about their financial status. If one person likes to save and the other has a tendency to spend money quickly, it can lead to problems later on.
Start by being honest and talking about your financial situation. If you are running into significant debt now, it will not help your situation to ignore the problem and hope that it will change. As soon as your financial situation starts to change, you should start looking at ways to lower your expenses. You may have to make lifestyle changes to handle the problem, and it is better to make these changes early on.
Be kind to your partner and avoid blaming them. Often, both partners are responsible for part of the problem, so laying blame will only lead to more arguments. Recognize the habits that you both have that are contributing to the problem. If one partner is good at saving, learn from them and try to adopt the same habits. Construct a joint budget together and use it to plan out the money that you will save and how you will pay off the debt. You may also want to choose one of you to be entirely responsible for paying bills each month.
You never want to approach money problems during an argument. For both of you to be open to changes, you have to be in a calm state of mind. You should decide on short-term and long-term goals together. You may also need to discuss future plans like caring for your parents as they age or planning for your kids’ college goals.
2. Communication Issues
The best relationships are based on good communication. Often, the problems that you encounter in a relationship stem from problems communicating. With the advent of modern technology, it has actually become even harder to communicate. Facebook feeds, television shows and online news can get in the way of actually talking to your partner and working together.
Start by learning how to be constructive when you argue. Instead of targeting your partner and making them defensive by saying things like, “You always belittle me,” say things like, “I feel belittled when you . . . “.You have to change the discussion so that you are not targeting the other person or accusing them of something. Instead, you need to voice the way you feel and work on the problem without making your partner feel defensive. You should avoid using phrases like “You never . . . “ or “You always . . . “
Listen to your partner when you talk. Do not look at your phone or check your watch. Instead, give your partner your full attention. If you are frequently busy with children or work, set aside a certain time in your schedule that is entirely for your partner. During this time, turn off your phone and any distractions so that you can focus entirely on your partner. When you do have an argument, focus on being constructive, avoid name calling and try not to raise your voice to make a point.
3. Conquering Trust Issues
Trust is a key aspect in any relationship. If you cannot trust your partner, then your relationship may be doomed to fail. Unfortunately, many people have problems trusting their partner because of past relationships. There are ways that you can build trust in your relationship no matter what types of experiences you have had in the past. At some point, trusting a partner is a leap of faith that you have to take and hope for the best.
To gain trust, make sure that you do what you say you will do and are consistent. Be on time to appointments and never lie to your partner. Even little white lies can be harmful to your relationship over the long run. If you say that you will call, do it. If you are going to be late, call and let your partner know. If your partner is late or something goes wrong, do not overreact.
When you do have an argument, be careful not to say anything that you cannot take back. You should avoid acting jealously. Be fair in an argument and listen to your partner. You may disagree with him or her, but you should still respect their feelings. One common relationship problem involves digging up old wounds. Try not to bring up the past because it is unrelated to your current situation and bringing up the past will only make your current problem harder to solve.
4. Chores and Errands
When one partner works more hours or a second job, the other partner often has to do many of the chores. There is a potential problem in this arrangement, however. Over time, the house spouse may start to feel taken for granted. Instead of grumbling and accepting the situation, it is important to talk over these feelings and set a fair distribution of chores.
The first step toward solving this problem is to openly discuss who can and will do each chore. If you have to, write the jobs down and agree to who will do which chores. Try to take your partner’s preferences into account. If they love doing dishes and hate mowing the lawn, perhaps you two could exchange chores.
5. Sexual Issues
While you should marry someone who has similar views and a personality that complements yours, sexual matters are also important. Sex helps to create an emotional bond in a relationship, so it is important that you have a good sex life. Even if you are both busy with work and family responsibilities, you need to take time to spend together.
If you are busy all of the time, you may have to plan out your date night. Nighttime may not always be the best choice since one or both of you may be too tired. Perhaps you could hire a babysitter to take the kids to the zoo while you spend the afternoon with your partner. You could also take time before work or during nap time to be with your partner.
If sexual compatibility is a problem, be open about what you want in your sex life. While one partner may be more open to sexual exploration, there are smaller steps that you can try together. Consider visiting a sex shop for new toys, lingerie or other items that you can try together. You could also try having sex in a new location or reserve a hotel room for a romantic adventure.
6. Making the Relationship a Priority
One common problem is priorities. Sometimes, partners place work or other goals ahead of their relationship. While this is not always a problem, you can run into issues if one partner places the relationship as their top priority and the other person does not. If you want your love life to keep going strong, then you both need to make your relationship one of your major priorities.
Over time, it is easy for couples to drift apart if they do not consciously try to prioritize their relationship. Reinvigorate your relationship by doing some of the things you used to do when you started dating. Go on date nights, compliment your partner and show your appreciation for them. Each day, try to find one compliment or expression of gratitude to tell your partner. Making your partner feel appreciated will help them to know that they still matter to you.
Every relationship has problems. If you do not have occasional arguments, then you may mean that you are not actually talking and communicating openly with your partner. While arguments are normal, it is important that you do not allow them to become excessive. Often, couples will repeat the same argument over and over again. If you can, solve the underlying problem and move on. If you cannot solve the problem, you may have to make a conscious decision to forget about it and let the argument slide.
Recognize that you are not a victim in the argument. It is always your choice to react and choose how to react. Be honest with your decision to react. Were you just wanting payback? Did you just want your partner to hurt as much as you do? If you are only arguing to hurt the other person, then you need to change your strategy. An argument should only be done with the goal of finding a mutually acceptable solution. If you or your partner is only arguing just to argue or to hurt the other person, then you are setting up your relationship to fail.
At some point, you may need to realize that you or your partner has to move on. If you keep having the same argument and the same responses, then something needs to change. Relax, sit down and speak calmly about the problem. Try to compromise with your partner instead of fighting for just your point of view. It may not be easy to compromise or apologize, but it will help your relationship in the long run.
Some statistics show that nine out of ten relationships break up because of someone else. There are ways to prevent yourself from being tempted by an infidelity, but cleaning up after an affair has already occurred can be a difficult subject. Unfortunately, there are even more ways to cheat in modern life with financial infidelity, one-night stands, online relationships and emotional infidelity.
The obvious solution is to never cheat. If your partner cheated before, you may need to adopt rules for your relationship. Talk with your partner about how they will stop this mistake from happening again. Are they willing to stop having friends of the opposite sex? Are they more open to letting you know where they will be and with who? If your partner is unwilling to make changes, then they may not be truly committed to making the relationship work—you may have to just move on.
You can also take action to prevent yourself from cheating. While you never plan on cheating, there are far too many temptations that can happen. Reaching out to an old flame or talking to a high school friend online can quickly transform into cheating on your partner. Keep yourself away from any temptations, and you will not have to rely on your willpower to stay faithful.
After years or decades of being together, boredom is a fairly common complaint. While you don’t want to admit it to your spouse, your sex life or romance may have grown stale. Luckily, there are ways that you can remedy this issue.
Spice things up! Buy some new lingerie or schedule a weekend getaway. Talk to your partner about what you want from the relationship. Be kind about how you word it, but make sure that you express your desire for some romance or excitement. Perhaps you could role play with your partner. In your new personas, your partner could pick you up at a bar and flirt with you like you guys just met. Get creative!
10. You Have Different Beliefs
Many partners get married who have different religions, political beliefs and ideologies. While it is not easy to date someone who is drastically different than you, it is possible.
Again, communication is key. Be open with your partner and talk about how you feel. Make sure that you are always respectful about your partner’s beliefs. While you may not share their faith or views, they believe in it. Respect their beliefs and listen to their feelings. If you are planning on getting married, make sure to talk about how your divergent beliefs will play a role in the future. Will you raise your children in your church or his? What church will you be married in? Discuss these issues now before they become a problem in the future.