What To Do If He Just Wants To Be Friends

By on April 30, 2015

Chances are if you’re reading this article, your heart is hurting a little bit. We’ve all heard those words at some point that they ‘just want to be friends’ and maybe we’ve said them to others too. The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Often we overlook people’s shortcomings when we are smitten and once those feelings of intense attraction fade, we realize it was quite silly to be chasing after that man-child in the first place. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.

 

Respect His Decision

He Just Wants To Be Friends

First you must thank him for being honest with you and not dragging you along. It’s hard to tell someone something that you know will hurt their feelings and at least he decided to be honest with you. You also want to stop thinking about yourself here and think about his feelings. He does not want to be pressured by you to be in a relationship and we have to respect the boundary that they are creating. Take a deep breath and start to paint your image of the future in a new way, in a happy friendship. Besides, in a romantic relationship, we should be concerned about their happiness foremost and if they aren’t happy being intimate, it’s your responsibility to completely and utterly honor that.

 

Take Some Space

If this was a big surprise to you and you really feel like you love this dude, you need to take a total detox from him. Just tell him you need some space to process and deal with your feelings and tell him in a kind way. You can be honest with your feelings and tell him that you’re disappointed but don’t say anything mean or hurtful. Friendships with guys can help you heal and they can help the other person heal as well. When and if you feel up to having a friendship, you want to make sure you have always shown him respect and compassion. It’s good to take space so you can occupy your mental space with some other things, this will let your feelings for him simmer down.

 

Decide if It’s Hurtful to Hang Out With Him

As you take some space, you can listen to your heart and decide how much you want this guy in your life. Maybe it will be at a comfortable distance or maybe it will be easy for you to shift gears and think of him as a friend. Please do not trick yourself into thinking you can handle being around him if you’re still wishing he will change his mind and you’re envisioning him waking up one day to confess his love. We have to be fair to ourselves and not torture ourselves. Do yourself a favor and take him off that pedestal that you have him on in your mind and remind yourself of his shortcomings. We are all only human and he doesn’t have magic powers. You’re the one with the magic powers to empower yourself to shift your focus and move on.

 

Realize Your Worth

realize your worth 

We often put ourselves below someone else in our mind if we think of ourselves as out of our league. We are just wasting our time if we think that we are going to prove ourselves to someone. For whatever reason that he’s not vibing with you, it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you. You might intimate him or he might have serious fears from other situations he’s been through. The human mind and emotions are complicated and sometimes you just can’t force things. Do yourself a favor and make it easy on yourself. Hold out for a guy that wants all of you, not just your friendship. Know your worth and don’t let someone make you feel sub-human.

 

Tell Yourself A New Story

It’s time to retell the story of you and him in your mind. Tell yourself that you are learning valuable life lessons about friendship, honesty and respect through this situation. Find gratitude for this unmet expectation and tell yourself that you accept this story and that you know it is for your best interest. If a guy wasn’t ready to date you, he has a good reason whether he tells you or not.

 

Be Grateful For His Friendship

Shift your mindset from victim to gratitude and you’ll start to feel better. Having an open and honest friendship with a guy can be one of the most healing things you’ll ever experience. When you have mutual respect you can learn how to put the other person’s feelings before yours and they can give you feedback about yourself, you’ll both grow. When you’re honest with them and they are honest with you, you might be actually helping yourself mature enough to find the ‘one.’

 

Focus on Your Goals and Health

Now it’s time to be about you. Stop thinking about him, set up your schedule to cater to your health and your goals. Get your tail to yoga and start to feel super confident because you’ll be glowing from the inside out. Don’t waste time mopping about at home eating icecream. Eat super healthy and fill yourself with inspiration about your personal goals. When you’ve got it going on, you’ll attract men that like your positive vibe and see that you’re already happy on your own.

 

Remember A New Door Will Open

Look up my dear. When one door closes, another one opens. If he wasn’t the one, someone better will come along when he’s supposed to. Live radically trusting that if you’re a good person and kind to everyone that your vibe will bring the right person to you. There are so many lovely people on this planet, don’t waste time crying over one.


You will start feeling a little better each day and it’s good to put some effort into dressing fabulous so you feel like a million bucks. Love your body the way it is and just focus on being healthy, motivated and positive. We do not need a man to be happy and if we do meet a nice man, our relationships should be to help each other focus on our goals for making the world a better place, not to fill a void. Perspective is everything! Stay empowered.

555 Comments

  1. Avatar

    LSJ

    October 3, 2018 at 3:56 pm

    I dated a guy I met online. We had three dates, one in Memphis, TN, one in NYC, and one Philly. He took me to a steakhouse on my birthday and spent over $200 on our food. We made out, but never had sex. When I returned home in Arkansas, I noticed that some of my messages went unanswered. When I texted him and told him that I guess he was no longer interested and good luck, he said he was busy and that we could talk later if I wanted to. Long story short, we texted for a bit, but I told him that our conversations weren’t very deep (which is true). Then he said that he was too busy for a relationship and that we should be friends. I told him I didn’t meet with him to be his friend and that he should appeal to a woman’s heart and mind, not just her body. I ended by saying goodbye. He read my message, but never responded.
    I really liked him. But I’m confused: who drives someone hundreds of miles and spends $200 at a steakhouse if they’re not serious? He also drove me to the neighborhood where he grew up and showed me around. I wanted to be more than friends, but I had to settle for nothing just because I have standards. I’m so confused.

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 3, 2018 at 8:24 pm

      His behaviors and decision to end your relationship is a reflection of his desire to establish a physical relationship with you. The two of you decided to be friends, though it is likely that this relationship will fade over time. You were not ready for the relationship that he desired. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, LSJ!

  2. Avatar

    Indy

    October 3, 2018 at 3:19 am

    Hiya
    I was talking to a a guy for a month. I’ve always been no relationship kinda girl who likes to mess and have fun, because I’ve nee hurt in the past. He told me he would never do that and he really Luella me . We went on for a while and with taht feelings developed and I really liked him. Few weeks ago we went to a party and he said we weren’t in a relationship I got drunk and kissed another a guy and he kissed my friend. He got really annoyed with me but I only found a few days later about him and I got annoyed. He just wants to remain friends but I still feel the same feelings even though he hurt me Badely ?

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 3, 2018 at 7:46 pm

      The two of you made the decisions that you made. It sounds as though he is no longer interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Learn from this relationship and apply your experiences to your future relationships. Have a great day, Indy!

  3. Avatar

    Eliza

    October 2, 2018 at 12:27 am

    I was never good at feelings or commitment. I just liked having friends with benefits, no attachment what so ever. But one day, I made the first move on this one guy, we had sex, and the next day he went on like we were friends, like it never happened. I dont know why but, I became so infatuated with him. He friend zoned me to the fullest but yet all I wanted to do was love him. I never understood what love was, or why people wanted to get married, or what being attached to someone felt until he didnt want me. Im so heart broken over him its crazy because ive never felt hurt over someone. Especially someone I didnt even have to start with. I dont know if that makes sense. I thought it was just a lusting phase, but four months later, we are close friends and I am completely in love with him and it sucks because I know for a fact the doesn’t see me like that at all. I just want to know, why he doesn’t see me that way. Or if he ever thought about me in that way. I want to ask him, but I know ill just make a fool out of myself. Theres so many unanswered questions I feel like I need closure. I dont know closure with what if he never even gave me an ounce of attention but, I dont know. I feel like im going crazy genuinely.

    • web admin

      web admin

      October 2, 2018 at 9:00 pm

      You felt a strong emotional connection with this person. You did not expect to feel this way for this person. The two of you are still friends, so your relationship may strengthen in the future. It is possible that he is not certain about your physical compatibility. You may nourish a relationship with him by being physically active, like an outdoor sport or hobby. Have a great day, Eliza!

      • Avatar

        Matalye

        October 3, 2018 at 6:54 am

        I read that womens bonding, nesting hormones come out after having sex, it’s less with guys obviously,…so don’t stress it’s natures way. Protect your heart tho, take care of yourself.

        • web admin

          web admin

          October 3, 2018 at 7:47 pm

          Thank you for sharing your supportive comment. We always appreciate when members of our community share their positive comment. Please share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Matalye!

  4. Avatar

    James

    September 24, 2018 at 7:33 am

    I was friends with someone who openly admitted he found it hard to date or connect. He made it clear he didnt want anything just friends. I was okay with that but told him I was interested in him. We were friends and it went great we got on perfectly. Then he asked me to stay over one night and he cuddled me. nothing else happened. This started to become a regular occurance, we would stay at each others house 1-3 times a week and cuddle. We started cuddling outside of bed too but no sex. Then one day five months in he randomly starts kissing me, we go further and things develop. Then he pulls back and I get upset, he says he isnt ready for a relationship and wont do FWB but would continue staying over and cuddling if I am okay with that. I said no he has plenty of friends and he isnt lonely I cant.

    I asked him to leave and he left but couldnt drive off he came back in and grabbed me and told me to come home with him and he doesnt know what he can give me but he cant lose me. We tried for a month or so, we started kissing more and having sex, though not every single time. Then randomly he says he cant do it anymore he tried but he doesnt feel romantic feelings for me and cant see us as a couple, this is after I met his family although i was always a secret to everyone.

    So we end, Im heart broken and I accuse him of leading me on, hurting me and say its clear he does have feelings with all weve done. He confirms he does care but he cant see us in a relationship and he is sorry, he wants to and has tried to but he cant see me and him together. He says he doesnt know if hes ready for anyone and he didnt mean to hurt me. He said maybe of the right guy came along he might be.

    He then asks me to stay friends as he doesnt want to lose me he cares deeply for me. Said he cares more about me than anyone else in his life and losing me will be hard. I stupidly have agreed but its only been two days and h texts me constantly throughout the day with hundreds of texts as we did before. I cant figure out if he wants me around because he might want me and is just scared and now that hes hurt me hes worried of admitting it so I dont hold on.

    Im so confused, we never had any issues we honestly got on perfectly and he admits to finding me extremely attractive too. Hes been single for two years before this and dated one other guy who he cut off entirely within a month. He does have issues committing since his old 4 year relationship and ive told him I think he has issues he needs to address from that and that maybe how he feels about me isnt because we dont and wont work and more about his issues.

    What should I do? Do I remain his friend and just allow him to possibly work it out for himself or should I cut all contact? having no contact seems impossible for both of us though if I did he would 100% respect it and never contact me as hes so head strong in that regard.

    Thanks

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 24, 2018 at 10:38 pm

      The two of you share a strong emotional and social connection. He does not feel as though he is able to nourish the relationship that he feels that you deserve. The two of you are thinking as this time, so you may find benefit in speaking with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he does not change his mind, then allow this romantic relationship to fade. Your relationship may strengthen in the future. Have a great day, James!

  5. Avatar

    Lynne

    September 23, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    I have been dating and having an intimate relationship for 18 months. It appeared we were both happy. This past week he told me he just wants to be friends because he thinks his dead wife is making him feel guilty for what he is doing with me. So ridiculous. The real reason is he has a deep friend relationship with a woman, nothing romantic..a psychologist who believes you shouldn’t be intimate unless you want to be in a committed relationship. She thinks you shouldn’t kiss on lips unlesss you plan to gave sex. She is very controlling and has manipulated his mind into thinking what we have been doing might feel good but is wrong. I was so blindsided and hurt I can hardly go on with my life. I need help…please help me make the right decision as I am in such a deep depression from it and he seems perfectly happy with his decision He gas hurt me to the core and I just can’t seem to move on.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 24, 2018 at 9:06 pm

      Your partner has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. His relationship with this other person is likely influencing his decision. He is no longer willing to treat you with the respect and intimacy that you need for your relationship. Determine what you want for your future without him. Share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Lynne!

  6. Avatar

    Naomi

    September 22, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    Hi,
    We were friends since 4 years. I always had some feelings for him but he was in relationship all the time. In last 1 year, his gf went to US. He was devastated. I gave him a helping hand and hung out occasionally. He used to say that had he not been in a relationship, he would have proposed me. He also said he felt like making out with me sometime because he thinks i am beautiful and intellectual. Stupid me questioned him alot and believed that he wanted to say that he is interested in me for relationship. Meanwhile i also got to know that his gf cheated on him but he forgave her. One fine day,idk out of which feelings i wrote him that i saw us kissing in dreams. I went to his home and talked about this. I couldn’t not express feelings clearly. He said he doesn’t want commitment and relationship. I stupidly agreed and we made out 2 times in a week. I somehow realised that he is not emotionally attached to me and I didn’t want it to go so plainly this way because everything was normal going and nothing special. Moreover we only used to text, never call. After a month of texting jokes and random conversation. I told him i wanted to talk. I was not feeling comfortable though, really don’t know why. I started conversation like hey don’t you feel something is wrong.. he was lyk all is ok ..i said i have fairytale and i guess i have broken it. He said he will be there for me but he is not ready for relationship. I asked him if he felt anything when i wrote about kissing. He said he thought that i wanted to experience kiss. That’s it. I stopped messaging him as I realised he is only interested in random messages and no serious stuff. One day he asked me what is wrong. We met, i asked him do u have any affection for me. He said yes., and you should be able to understand. I asked what are we. He jokingly said fwb. Again same kind of texts and nothing special. One day he said please help me find gf. I was lyk who am i then? I said if u need gf for physical relationships then no need of gf. He said ya fine as he doesn’t want commitment. I asked why relationship never happened between us? He said because u wanted a fairytale and i was not the prince u expected. I said what can you expect from a girl who has feelings for you. I asked if he never had any feelings? He said yes. And he had some but he doesn’t see me as long time gf. i was devastated that day and realised finally he texted the truth. After 2 days he sent me 2 funny videos but I didn’t reply. I feeling like what the hell this was. He seems like he wants to continue Friendship. I feel like what to do. Please help.

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 24, 2018 at 1:21 am

      The two of you are nourishing a strong social relationship. You are interested in developing a romantic relationship with him. You spoke with him about your feelings, and he shared himself with you as well. He explained that he is not interested in a long term relationship with you at this time. Determine what you want for your future and take appropriate action. Have a great day, Naomi!

  7. Avatar

    Jenny Scott

    September 16, 2018 at 3:47 am

    What are your thoughts on still being friends with him on social media. After being in a relationship with him for 8 months, he said he just wants to be friends bc of an argument we had. He told me he “wasn’t giving me another chance”. Do you think that social media ties should be disconnected too. (Yes, I do go look at his page sometimes only bc I miss him)

    Just hard to move on

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 17, 2018 at 5:19 pm

      He has decided that he is no longer interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. He has explained he is not interested in doing so in the future. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. If you believe that there is no future with him and you are not interested in only maintaining a friendship with him, then allow him to fade from your life. You may find that this relationship will naturally over time. Have a great day, Jenny!

  8. Avatar

    Eli

    September 12, 2018 at 1:39 pm

    I met a guy online , we never saw each other yet in real life. I’m talking to him almost 5 months , we are talking every day in FaceTime. He had a long relationship and I had also a long relationship . I’m totally over that other guy but it’s seems that he isn’t over his ex yet. He said he loves her still but he would not be with her anymore. I start to have feelings into him and i told him, he said he really likes me but he don’t want to hurt me. He was every day smiling at me and talking with me and it’s just stopped, and I don’t understand why. I did nothing wrong ! He said ‘ I just want to be friends with you ‘ ‘ I’m not ready for a relationship and I don’t want to hurt you . Now we don’t talk anymore . He don’t search me anymore. It’s hurts inside because I got used to it that we’ve been talking every day

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 12, 2018 at 10:13 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. For one reason or another, he is no longer able or willing to maintain a relationship with you. His emotional connection with his ex is likely influencing his behaviors. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with him. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Eli!

  9. Avatar

    BARBARA

    September 2, 2018 at 8:41 am

    WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR TWO YEARS IT BECAME SEXUAL ABOUT 6 MONTHS AFTER WENT THOUGH A BAD PATCH HE WAS THERE FOR ME ASK ME TO MARRY HIM AND ASK ME TO HAVE A BABY FOR HIM I WAS NOT READY. HE ALWAYS TELL ME HE LOVES ME STARTED ASKING ABOUT HIS PERSONAL LIFE AND HE WOULDN’T TELL ME SO I BACKED OFF AND NOW HE TEXTS ME ME AND SAID HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WHAT HE HAVE TO DO HE HAS TO DO ON HIS OWN SHOULD WE STAY FRIENDS OR SHOULD I MOVE ON?

    • web admin

      web admin

      September 2, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      It sounds as though each of you are at different stages in your relationship and life. He is ready for a child and you are not. He has explained that you want to be friends. Determine what you want for your future. Perhaps speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Maybe allow him to fade from your life. Have a great day, Barbara!

  10. Avatar

    Em

    August 27, 2018 at 6:51 am

    He recently told me he isn’t sure if he ever loved me, or anyone. We had been friends for years and hooked while he was still engaged. A few days later he called off the wedding. It was an ugly separation, as expected. We casually dated for about a year, and then I got pregnant. (big surprise from being on bc). He was shocked, but said we would figure it out. Over time we got more serious. I had loved him from the start but he didn’t say it until I was about 3 months pregnant. I moved in with him and his teenage daughter (mother had sadly passed away when she was young, they were not a couple but did co-parent). Our son is now 13 months. So we have been together for almost 3 years. We get a long really well, have similar interests, never fight. In the beginning the passion was fiery but a baby changes all of that. We have done our best to fit in time for us too. But he changed a few months ago. Started acting very strange around me, distant. I finally pushed him about it, and he said he isn’t sure that we’d be together without our son. That he thought he could just make it work for him. As I am writing this, I think I am understanding more…I just don’t understand how he knew how much I love him, and I felt it back. I swear I did. But he doesnt know? And right now we are still living together because I won’t have anywhere to live for a month or so. And it is awful. He still does little things for me and wants me around for family events with his family. It is so confusing. He is obviously emotionally stunted and afraid of commitment. But I am a mess over it. I am trying to be cordial for my son and his daughter. They deserve better. Any insight?

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 28, 2018 at 12:20 am

      Speak with your partner about your mutual thoughts and feelings. Determine if this relationship is viable. Strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. If you decide to end this relationship, then ensure that your share your kindness and compassion at all times. Decide what you want for your future and for the future of your child. Have a great day, Em!

      • Avatar

        Em

        September 4, 2018 at 8:45 am

        thank you for the advice!

        • web admin

          web admin

          September 4, 2018 at 8:53 am

          You’re welcome–I’m glad that we could help you out. Good luck, Em!

  11. Avatar

    Hannah

    August 23, 2018 at 2:06 pm

    I met him at work, we ended up talking, seeing each other then came the sexual part but now where at month 8 of still being friends while being sexually active but he said he’s not rushing into a relationship he’s just chilling but I’m in love with this man deeply.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 23, 2018 at 6:59 pm

      If you are okay with just taking your time and just having a sexual fling, go for it. Otherwise, you might have to consider moving on at some point. Eight months is a long time to still be at the friend stage. If he doesn’t want a relationship now, he might not want want any time soon either.

  12. Avatar

    Ann

    August 16, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    I met a guy in college, we started off as friends and eventually became official 6 months later. After almost 3 years of being together he told me he thought that it was better to just be friends because of our careers. I was heartbroken. I’m glad he was honest, but there was so many doubts I had initally because we talked about a future together.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 17, 2018 at 1:08 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is interested in focusing on his career and is unable to maintain a relationship with you at this time. Allow thoughts of him to fade. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. If he reaches out to you in the future, then share your thoughts and feelings with him at that time. Have a great day, Ann!

  13. Avatar

    Maggie

    August 10, 2018 at 5:53 am

    I met a man through work. I process all new people. During the briefing I caught him just staring at my face intently. When our eyes met he just sat there, and after a few seconds broke his gaze and looked down. I have never had that happen to me before.
    Three months later he called me at work, with an enquiry, and during the conversation he told me that he really enjoyed talking to me, and that I wasn’t to make myself a stranger to him.
    I asked if he was on Facebook, and he told me his account name. I messaged him, and we started to chat. He didn’t make me a friend. We got on really well, had some common interests, and the same sort of humor.
    I discovered that he had been married for 11 years, but had been divorced for 3.5 because his ex wife had cheated on him. I asked him if he wanted to met up with me and he said he did. We arranged a date, and went to breakfast at a local pub. He had initially told me he could only spare me a couple of hours, but we were getting along so well, he asked me if I minded spending more time with him. He was very nervous initially, and even told me he was. He told me about a meal he was going to prepare for me, and we visited a local supermarket, where he said he was looking to see a suitable wine, and described the dessert he was going to make.
    On the way home, we passed a furniture store. He began to tell me of the furniture he had in his home, and then his tone changed, he became rather bitter, and he told me what his ex wife had taken after the divorce. At this point, his face changed to one of extreme pain. He actually looked like he had been stabbed with a thousand knives. From that point onwards, on the trip home, he didn’t look at me again. This man hadn’t taken his eyes off me up to that moment in time. He turned away from me and only grunted when I spoke to him.
    After he dropped me off and got home he messaged me to thank me for the lovely morning we had spent together, and that he had really enjoyed himself.
    I continued to message him, but his responses became less and less, to the point where after a week I eventually asked him if still wanted to chat we me. He said he did, but he wasn’t looking to have a relationship with anyone whilst he was here, he was only interested in making friends. I hadn’t brought up relationships.
    I accepted that, but our chatting virtually ceased because I felt he just wasn’t interested in talking to me.
    He then started chatting to me at work via email and IM. He initiated all the conversations. He gave me a nickname, that he always uses now when he talks to me. A month later he asked if he could come to my office to pay me an official visit. He duly came, and the question he had was literally answered in 5 minutes. He spent the rest of the 45 minutes hanging around until my lunch break, and asked, in a very roundabout way, if I would like to go to lunch with him. I agreed. He insisted on paying, and was a complete gentleman: opening doors, walking on the outside of me; asking where I would like to eat, sit etc.
    During the lunch we chatted, but he was just gazing into my eyes the whole time. His body language was screaming “I really like you”, to the point where others were assuming we were a couple. In fact a colleague of mine remarked that when I wasn’t looking he never took his eyes off of me, and he just gazed at me.
    Of course, I am really confused about this, and I felt that I needed some sort of break from him, so I didn’t make any contact either at home or at work for several weeks. He then IM’d me at work to see if I was alright, and said he hadn’t heard from me for a while. He did this twice in a row, and I started to chat to him occasionally.
    This whole thing is literally driving me nuts! I really like this man, and respect his wishes to just be friends. But his actions don’t match his words, it is leaving me extremely confused and a little sad.

    • web admin

      web admin

      August 11, 2018 at 12:05 am

      He has various emotional influences in his life. He may still feel the emotional pain from his previous relationship, and this may cause him to be more careful. He likely feels a strong emotional and social connection with you. He also wants to ensure that both of you are ready for a serious relationship before he commits. Determine what you want for this relationship, and speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Maggie!

      • Avatar

        Maggie

        October 2, 2018 at 7:27 am

        Hello there, thank you for replying! I did actually end our friendship. I told him I really liked him, but wasn’t sure he felt the same way about me. However, after a month I hadn’t heard from him, so I messaged him to say that I was assuming he had no interest in me. He replied instantly and said that he liked me, and as far as he was concerned I was a wonderful woman, but right now he was only looking for friendship, and that he would really value me as a friend. So we became friends again. I invited him to go to an evening event with me, but he was unable to go because he is suffering with chronic back pain caused by a previous injury, and is in a lot of pain. He will be getting it looked at by a back specialist soon, as his doctor referred him. I still like him, and respect the fact that at this very moment in time he is not ready for a relationship.

        • web admin

          web admin

          October 2, 2018 at 8:23 pm

          It sounds as though you made a decision that you felt was appropriate. You reach out to him to share your thoughts and feelings, and he shared himself with you. He is looking for a friend and is aware that this relationship may grow in the future. Please feel free to share more of your insights and experiences in the future. Your comment will help support other members of our community in the future. Have a great day, Maggie!

  14. Avatar

    Taylor

    July 30, 2018 at 8:19 am

    This article helped ALOT! I am a college student in my 20s, and I am aware these are the type of experiences I will be going through and learning. I am thankful for that! I’ve had a few boyfriends, but this last guy I talked to seemed like he was really into me. He kissed me first, asked me to hang out etc. When I was confused as to what we were, I asked and he seemed hesitate and said that he’s NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND BEFORE. I was shocked.

    Long story short, I told him I wouldn’t rush him that I really liked him and was curious if whatever we were would be serious or if I am wasting my time. This is where I get super confused.

    We hung out ALL DAMN NIGHT till about 3am just talking, I swear we were just talking, laughing and he even embraced and kissed me a couple times.

    The next day, he told me he wasn’t ready for anything serious anytime soon and didn’t want to lead me on. He then went about how much he likes me as a FRIEND and then stated, but I am not ready to LOVE anyone yet and that he doesn’t deserve me.

    I was hurt, confused and caught off guard. Before you judge, I know he told me this out of the goodness of his heart and probably tried to see if he could handle a girlfriend or if he was even ready to have one.
    Bottom line, like the article, I handled it well, I told him I completely understood and that I still have feelings for him and would need space for a while.

    He then expressed how he really wants us to start hanging out as friends because, I mean a lot to him. And in time, I will. I just still wonder what changed his mind or if he really didn’t like me the way I liked him.

    At least he was honest, right?

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 30, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is interested in nourishing this relationship. As the two of you spend additional time together, you will find that your mutual feelings will strengthen. His inexperience may cause him to be shy and hesitant. You may find yourself taking action in this relationship. Have a great day, Taylor!

  15. Avatar

    Kate

    July 26, 2018 at 3:22 pm

    We work at a same space and live in a same apartment block. We quickly became good friends and neighbors. He just had painful break up after more than ten years of relationship and decided to go abroad and that’s how we met here. I tried to keep the coworker/friend distance until he is ready to move on but in the end we fell into a romantic relationship. However, I was always cognizant that he has still not fully got over his past relationship. It made me nervous and impatient that he might leave me after I invested all my emotions. I told him honestly that I am not sure if I am being used as a rebound and you will go back to your ex in the end. That comment hurt him. He said we had to be friends as hanging this in the air without clear definition of friendship or relationship will make me even harder. He is very very caring (more than friend) and respectful but he said he doesn’t feel he is in love with me and didn’t know why. I don’t think he can be in deep love with me that quickly especially he is out of long years of relationship. I just want to give us more time to reflect our emotions rather than hastily trying to become friends. Because we were clearly more than friends and I gave him a pressure to make some decision. In the meanwhile, I will keep in mind your comment on ‘don’t trick yourself he will change his mind’ it is really helpful.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 26, 2018 at 11:13 pm

      You shared your thoughts and feelings with him. He feels a strong emotional connection with you. You want more time, and he feels as though he is ready to establish a relationship with you. Determine what you want for your future. If you wait too long to nourish a relationship, then his feelings may change. However, do not rush into something that you are not comfortable with. Have a great day, Kate!

  16. Avatar

    Girlygirl

    July 24, 2018 at 12:46 am

    I was asked for a drink by a guy I met during a conference in a foreign country. We had many similarities and connected quickly. Although we had an unexpected walk around the city instead of the drink that evening, he asked me out again the next evening and I accepted. He is respectful, polite,smart, goal-oriented and introvert. We shared a romantic evening (hugs, kisses, holding hands). However he had his flight back to his country the next morning.

    After that we communicate casually via chat. Once I asked him what next and he said it is better to be friends from the beginning because long distance is hard and he wants his partner to be around. He says he does not want both of us to get hurt. I was disappointed because I was already falling for him.

    Once I said I was missing him but he does not express much and kindly suggests to be friends.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 24, 2018 at 9:33 pm

      He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is not interested in maintaining a long distance relationship. His feelings are reasonable. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with him. He is interested in maintaining this friendship, so determine what you want for your romantic future without him. Have a great day, Girl!

  17. Avatar

    Bells

    July 22, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    I fell for a guy who is very young, and who I didn’t want to get close to at first. He somehow found his way in, and we talked and kissed and saw each other every single day, like if we were in a relationship. Three weeks ago he left to go back to his country, and cited his recent bad breakup in a logdistance relationship as a reason to not start a new one with me. He said he cared about me, but we should only focus on being friends. On my side, I developed romantic feelings and I hurt when I think of him with other women, and I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t fell for me to the point he stayed here with me. Why is he so able to rationalize our relationship and is so in control, while I feel lonely and sad, I think of him and am struggling with letting things go. Most importantly, I feel rejected, and worthless. If I am the great person he says I am, why would he not take the chance to be with me, and wants to only be friends? And how do I keep him in my life without torturing myself?

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 22, 2018 at 11:20 pm

      He was aware that this relationship would not survive his travels, so he was emotionally aware of the situation when the two of you began this relationship. You were not aware of this, and his actions were harmful to you. Allow thoughts of him to fade, though there is always benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Bells!

      • Avatar

        Isabella

        July 23, 2018 at 2:29 pm

        I knew he was leaving in a couple of months, but I thought I could change the course of things if I showed him what I had to offer, and I gave it all. He remained of his same position, and now wants to be good friends. i can’t let go the hope that one day we will be together again.

        • web admin

          web admin

          July 24, 2018 at 9:23 pm

          He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. You will find benefit in acknowledging his position. Determine if you are interested in maintaining a relationship based on friendship with him. You may find that his behaviors will change over the next few weeks. Take this time to determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Isabella!

  18. Avatar

    Dee

    July 18, 2018 at 6:29 am

    I feel as if it’s no love lose in this situation. We were in a long distance relationship. Spoke on the phone a few times a week, he initiated the relationship. I didn’t want a relationship and slowly got sucked into his world. Long story short, I fell for him in a week or two I know sounds crazy. We never met exchanged pictures in all but we would FaceTime each other while at work. Yes we hit a rocky road in that one month mark, arguments, yelling, and confusion. Now he just wants to be friends and says he still wants communication. Then this guy tells me he loves me still and I don’t know how to handle this.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 18, 2018 at 2:11 pm

      The person that you are in a long distance relationship with has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is no longer interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you at this time. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If the two of you are no longer interested in maintaining a relationship together, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Dee!

  19. Avatar

    Shelly

    July 15, 2018 at 6:29 am

    So we knew each ore he when I was a teenager then lost touch. I’m separated now and we connected again. We’ve slept together several times. One minute he talks about being casual the next about where we’ll live together and then back to just friends. He’s also said he’s not where he wants to be before he gets into a relationship but then always talks out of the other side of his mouth. I really like him and am not sure what to do.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 15, 2018 at 10:44 pm

      He is uncertain or confused about his feelings. He may not be ready to nourish a long term relationship. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. You may want to spend additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Shelly!

  20. Avatar

    Ali

    July 14, 2018 at 6:34 pm

    I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a guy for 2 years. I see him on weekends and he means the world to me.

    He told me he doesn’t see me romantically anymore but that I am the closest person to him in his life. He wants to be just friends. I told him I can’t handle that and asked him to block me because I can’t stop contacting him. He told me he doesn’t want to loose me and won’t block me.

    We are meeting tomorrow. I’m so scared. I just want him in my life… as more than just a friend. 🙁

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 15, 2018 at 10:24 pm

      You are meeting him tomorrow, and this is excellent news. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps attempt to spend additional time with him in person. He may have other influences in his life. He may be concerned that this relationship is difficult to maintain. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you. Have a great day, Ali!

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