What to Do When Your Best Friend Is Crushing on Your Crush

By on November 18, 2015

I became best friends with my best friend because we had a crush on the same guy and took up dancing because of it (he was a dancer). I simply jogged up to her in PE and told her. That was a long time ago. In the end we fell more in love with dancing than with the guy, but the moral of the story is honesty. “Let the best man win” is a better motto than going behind someone’s back to try and win over a guy you know they like.

There are many different situations you might find yourself in with someone crushing on your crush though, it’s not always as straight forward a situation as you’d like. So here are some tips for how to deal with it.

She Fell in Love First

If she fell in love with the guy first and you all started spending a lot of time together, only to find out you actually like him, then what to do? It really depends.

First of all, is this a little bit of attraction for a guy, or do you think he’s your soulmate? Is he a player who makes all the girls swoon, or is he sincere? Can you see yourself being with him, or is it the kind of crush that will be gone as soon as someone else walks in the door?

Depending on how much you like this guy and if you actually want to pursue him, you will know if he’s worth it. If you think he’s worth it, then you have to tell your friend. If she’s truly your best friend she will understand if you have sincere feelings for someone. If she thinks you only have superficial feelings on the other hand, whilst she’s madly in love with him, then she might not appreciate you trying to take  chance on getting him interested in you.

You Crushed on Him First

If you crushed on a guy first and your best friend then crushes on him, try to figure out why. Is it that she needs attention from every guy in town? Did he go after her instead of you and she came to like him because of it? Does she just simply crush on people easily? Is she doing it to make you mad? Or is it because she truly, truly likes him?

Once you understand the why, you will know better how to deal with it. If she couldn’t help but falling for him it’s one thing. If she knows you’re crushing on him real bad and pursues him just because she feels left out, it’s another.

If your friend will always need every guy in town to like her and can’t put your friendship above that, do you really want to be friends with her? On the other hand, if she just happened to crush on the same guy as you, does it really matter? She’s not doing it to spite you – she’s just being human.


Whatever way around things are, you have to talk to your friend at some point. Make sure you do so coming at it from a good space. If she likes your crush and is embarrassed about it tell her you’d appreciate her sharing her feelings. You don’t mind her feelings, but you, as her friend would love her to be honest with you.


You know your friend better than I do, so speak with her in a way you feel is appropriate.

1507760_10152392614860079_8379465670289960282_n copy 2By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery

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