What to Do When Your Crush has a Girlfriend

By on January 26, 2015






If you happen to end up with a crush on someone who is already otherwise engaged it’s pretty frustrating. It can also be a difficult situation to handle. How do you deal with it? Below you will find some tips on how to best go about it to save your heart and his!

My Crush Has a Girlfriend

1. Focus On Yourself

He isn’t available at the moment, so rather than spending all your waking hours hanging out with him (when he isn’t with his girlfriend), social media stalking him, or dreaming about him, focus on doing things that will make you feel good. Exercise. Further your career. Give time to your friends. Finally take up that hobby you’ve been talking about. Plan a big trip. Make sure you focus on yourself first.

2. Keep Away from His Girlfriend, Unless You Are Already Friends

If you are not already friends with his girlfriend, try, if possible, to keep a distance. Chances are if they break up you don’t want to be her friend whilst hitting on him.

If you are already friends with his girlfriend you have to evaluate the situation as it is. Is it best to stay friends? Or should you back away, just a little, until the crush is over, or they’ve broken up? If you choose to back away do so nicely. Don’t just one day stop calling, but rather fill your schedule with other things and still see her sometimes. You don’t want to make her sad in the process.

If you are really good friends that have always been totally honest with each other, then you may be able to share how you feel, but this depends on your friendship and her personality.

3. Stay Friends with Him

You don’t want to eliminate the guy entirely from your life, you just want to make sure he’s no longer the focus of it. Should they one day break up and you still feel the same way you do now, you want to be able to call him.

Advertisement


4. If He’s Flirting With You, Then Put an End to It

If the guy I generally flirtatious and every girl he talks to thinks he is flirting with them, then chances are he means nothing with his flirting. If, on the other hand, you have the distinct impression he actually wants to be with you, you have to either tell him to end it with his girlfriend if he wants to continue flirting with you, or he has to stop flirting. If he’s flirting but you don’t think he means much by it, he just enjoys it, then don’t buy into it and don’t flirt back.

The thing is, it may be tempting to keep flirting with him, but he’s still with someone else. His main priority is not you. And if he dumps her for you after first spending weeks having an affair with you, how reliable is he? Don’t let it get to that. If he attempts more than flirting tell him he first has to sort his things out with his current girlfriend before he gets it going with you. If he can’t take responsibility in his relationship with her, he won’t take responsibility in his relationship with you.

5. Date Others

Get your social life busy and look around for other opportunities. Join the online dating scene if you want to (but keep it safe). When you first start out dating others it may not feel right as you have feelings for someone else, but let’s face it: if Mr Not Single was The One, he would love you back. You can’t sit around and wait for him. Go out. Have fun. See what happens. It might take some time till you fall for someone else, but at least look around.

6. Remember the Guy You Adored in First Grade

Chances are you’ve been in love before and it ended. Most of us have had more than one crush in our life time. This proves that at some point, when you are ready, you will move on.

7. Don’t Compare Yourself to His Girlfriend

Maybe she’s terrible. Maybe she’s gorgeous. It doesn’t matter. You are looking for someone who loves you for who you are. If he’s with someone who’s terrible it shows he has some issues. If he’s with someone great, then know that there will be someone who finds you great. Love is not about all those people who won’t fall in love with us. Love is about that one person who will. Your best chance of finding that person is living a fulfilled life where you enjoy yourself and find the beauty in being you. Some people spend their entire life thinking about getting rid of their wrinkles, when they could just be laughing. Focus on what it is you love and forget the rest.

If you try to be someone else you are always going to be second best compared to the original. Be the best you and people who love that kind of personality will be drawn to you like moths to a flame.

Advertisement


8. If He Tells You Stories of How Horrid His Girlfriend Is Then You Must…

If he says his girlfriend is crazy, he really wants to leave her, etc., etc. then listen and tell him that if she is so horrible then he is doing himself a disfavor being with her, as well as doing her a disfavor. She needs love as much as the next person. If he can’t provide it, he should step away, or learn to love her for who she is.

Don’t allow him to have a pity party – tell him to sort his life out. A lot of guys, especially married ones, tell you how terrible their lives are and expect you to add something great to it, without them leaving their partners. Well, you need something great too. You need someone dedicated to you, and not to their so-called crazy girlfriend.

If he tries something on tell him that once he’s sorted his life out, he can come back.

9. See Yourself as Number One

You are looking for the one person who sees you as great. Never think you are number two just because one out of billions of men doesn’t want to date you. Find your inner spark and go out there and be great.

10. Remember There Is a Tomorrow 

Unrequited love sucks. There’s really no other way to put it. Instead of despairing though, remember the old cliche that after rain comes sunshine. It’s not just a cliche – it’s true. Watch The Holiday and learn what the women in that movie learnt – there’s better than second best. There is number one.

Image source: Pinterest

1507760_10152392614860079_8379465670289960282_n copy 2By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery





108 Comments

  1. Black CARRIE

    July 10, 2016 at 7:36 pm

    Well from the first day I met my work crush there was a instant attraction, like lightening shall I say. We've known each other less than three months but he started staring at me and saying nice things. Some sexual which I dismiss but the nice things I enjoyed. Him helping me and teasing me. Then he started to give me long stares, make me laugh and touch my shoulders. I was in heaven… he also stood very close to me on several occasions and smiled. He didn't act like this with other girls, even his voice changed. So I was shy and started to try to open up more, then he went cold. Apparently I got clingy on that day for he changed, then the next week he started helping me again. Fast forward a couple weeks later, I overheard him talking about his girlfriend… I literally ran out of there but stopped myself and went back to work. I was devestated, angry, disappointed and confused, thinking why and how didn't I noticed this. Same day for he knows I like him, starts annoying me like cat calling, growling, being too close, making jokes while I tried to ignore him. I'm just so pissed for he's probably laughing at me now. Like what was up with the sad goodbyes, stares, the closeness and the way he speaks to me. I just feel horrible for if I knew he had a girl I wouldn't have tried to talk to him. He definitely didn't act like this with others, heck maybe I was a easy target. I just feel upset for how he handled it instead of ignoring me, he made fun of my feelings for him. Also he's my manager. I tried to ignore him but he just kept my whole shift trying to get under my skin. I hate that even know I'm attracted to him…. it just burns my soul. I just can't believe he acted like that, almost wanting me to crack under pressure… I almost did but I gained control. It just I fell for him. It's just sickening to my stomach. How can someone be in a committed relationship and yet lie…. This month he changed…. I'm just so disgusted with myself. He didn't show the signs…. I didn't see the signs…. This hurts extremely, I haven't even cried yet but I just know my heart hurts.

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 12, 2016 at 2:57 pm

      Speak with him directly about your desire for him to no longer speak with you in anything other than a professional manner. Tell him to no longer touch you or make animal sounds at you, and that you will begin speaking to your boss if he chooses to not respect your wishes. Get over the betrayal that you felt, as you should be concerned about his girlfriend and how he is treating her. Tell her about what happened, if you feel so inclined. Move along from him, and take this as a lesson to not get swept up in shallow ideas like attractiveness. Find someone who is good to you and who respects you, and realize that the way someone looks is unimportant.

  2. HER

    July 10, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    Well I’ve known my work crush for a short time now under three months. From the first day I saw him

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 12, 2016 at 2:05 pm

      If you are interested in developing a relationship with your work crush, then do so. Be careful regarding work relationships as they can have a detrimental effect on your career if the relationship turns south. Speak with him directly, after work, about your feelings and see if he shares those opinions. Perhaps ask him out for coffee when you see him next.

  3. Kassidy

    July 6, 2016 at 1:11 am

    For me is more complicated. Im in a relationship, and I started to fall in love with a friend of ours. and he has a girlfriend. I love my boyfriend, but I just…cant get x out of my mind, and he loves his girlfriend… I’m crying. I don’t know what to do

    • web admin

      web admin

      July 6, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      You need to stop thinking about cheating on your boyfriend. You also need to not think about harming a relationship because of your personal desire to be with someone. Both of these are selfish thoughts that will lead to harmful actions. If you make the decision to continue to think about people other than your boyfriend, then you need to make the respectful and adult decision to break up with him and protect him from the harm that your choices will bring him. Better yet, honestly speak with him directly about the feelings that you are having him now so he can make a decision for himself.

  4. Charlotte

    June 29, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    I’ve fancied this boy for ages now but he’s going out with this girl but he told me in person and text message that for he wasent going out with her he would go out with me but isn’t that cheating but if I tell the girl and then he knows it was me he wouldn’t wanna date me and I just don’t know what to do right now

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 30, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      If he is currently dating someone else, then you do not want to be the cause for the harm that she would experience because of his infidelity. The most important thing that you can do is not to entertain his cheating. If he continues to do so, then you should show her the messages so she knows the truth. You do not want to be the reason why someone gets hurt.

  5. LHH

    June 6, 2016 at 9:26 pm

    Just found that the person might be taken (at least a couple of months ago).
    Can’t say he’s a crush, but there did seem to have a possibility for us, but the communications failed. Now I feel like a loser, cuz I’m again the only one who stuck ;( And I doubt if it’s worth keeping a faith for a bright future.
    P.S. Thanks for the advice on carsharing/hitchhiking before, I chose the public transportation in the end and got helped by local kind people.

    • web admin

      web admin

      June 6, 2016 at 9:48 pm

      🙁 I was really hoping that things would work out. Oh, well. I guess there other fish in the sea, right? It will take time, but you will heal and move on eventually. Good luck, LHH! Thanks for the update!

      • LHH

        June 7, 2016 at 6:21 pm

        Thank you SO much for the words :] I decided to “get myself back” first, cuz there may not be the fish for me, but at least I can enjoy my own life then, right?

        • web admin

          web admin

          June 7, 2016 at 6:44 pm

          That sounds like a good plan. Hopefully, everything ends up working out. Good luck, LHH!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *