What to Do When Your Crush has a Girlfriend
If you happen to end up with a crush on someone who is already otherwise engaged it’s pretty frustrating. It can also be a difficult situation to handle. How do you deal with it? Below you will find some tips on how to best go about it to save your heart and his!
1. Focus On Yourself
He isn’t available at the moment, so rather than spending all your waking hours hanging out with him (when he isn’t with his girlfriend), social media stalking him, or dreaming about him, focus on doing things that will make you feel good. Exercise. Further your career. Give time to your friends. Finally take up that hobby you’ve been talking about. Plan a big trip. Make sure you focus on yourself first.
2. Keep Away from His Girlfriend, Unless You Are Already Friends
If you are not already friends with his girlfriend, try, if possible, to keep a distance. Chances are if they break up you don’t want to be her friend whilst hitting on him.
If you are already friends with his girlfriend you have to evaluate the situation as it is. Is it best to stay friends? Or should you back away, just a little, until the crush is over, or they’ve broken up? If you choose to back away do so nicely. Don’t just one day stop calling, but rather fill your schedule with other things and still see her sometimes. You don’t want to make her sad in the process.
If you are really good friends that have always been totally honest with each other, then you may be able to share how you feel, but this depends on your friendship and her personality.
3. Stay Friends with Him
You don’t want to eliminate the guy entirely from your life, you just want to make sure he’s no longer the focus of it. Should they one day break up and you still feel the same way you do now, you want to be able to call him.
4. If He’s Flirting With You, Then Put an End to It
If the guy I generally flirtatious and every girl he talks to thinks he is flirting with them, then chances are he means nothing with his flirting. If, on the other hand, you have the distinct impression he actually wants to be with you, you have to either tell him to end it with his girlfriend if he wants to continue flirting with you, or he has to stop flirting. If he’s flirting but you don’t think he means much by it, he just enjoys it, then don’t buy into it and don’t flirt back.
The thing is, it may be tempting to keep flirting with him, but he’s still with someone else. His main priority is not you. And if he dumps her for you after first spending weeks having an affair with you, how reliable is he? Don’t let it get to that. If he attempts more than flirting tell him he first has to sort his things out with his current girlfriend before he gets it going with you. If he can’t take responsibility in his relationship with her, he won’t take responsibility in his relationship with you.
5. Date Others
Get your social life busy and look around for other opportunities. Join the online dating scene if you want to (but keep it safe). When you first start out dating others it may not feel right as you have feelings for someone else, but let’s face it: if Mr Not Single was The One, he would love you back. You can’t sit around and wait for him. Go out. Have fun. See what happens. It might take some time till you fall for someone else, but at least look around.
6. Remember the Guy You Adored in First Grade
Chances are you’ve been in love before and it ended. Most of us have had more than one crush in our life time. This proves that at some point, when you are ready, you will move on.
7. Don’t Compare Yourself to His Girlfriend
Maybe she’s terrible. Maybe she’s gorgeous. It doesn’t matter. You are looking for someone who loves you for who you are. If he’s with someone who’s terrible it shows he has some issues. If he’s with someone great, then know that there will be someone who finds you great. Love is not about all those people who won’t fall in love with us. Love is about that one person who will. Your best chance of finding that person is living a fulfilled life where you enjoy yourself and find the beauty in being you. Some people spend their entire life thinking about getting rid of their wrinkles, when they could just be laughing. Focus on what it is you love and forget the rest.
If you try to be someone else you are always going to be second best compared to the original. Be the best you and people who love that kind of personality will be drawn to you like moths to a flame.
8. If He Tells You Stories of How Horrid His Girlfriend Is Then You Must…
If he says his girlfriend is crazy, he really wants to leave her, etc., etc. then listen and tell him that if she is so horrible then he is doing himself a disfavor being with her, as well as doing her a disfavor. She needs love as much as the next person. If he can’t provide it, he should step away, or learn to love her for who she is.
Don’t allow him to have a pity party – tell him to sort his life out. A lot of guys, especially married ones, tell you how terrible their lives are and expect you to add something great to it, without them leaving their partners. Well, you need something great too. You need someone dedicated to you, and not to their so-called crazy girlfriend.
If he tries something on tell him that once he’s sorted his life out, he can come back.
9. See Yourself as Number One
You are looking for the one person who sees you as great. Never think you are number two just because one out of billions of men doesn’t want to date you. Find your inner spark and go out there and be great.
10. Remember There Is a Tomorrow
Unrequited love sucks. There’s really no other way to put it. Instead of despairing though, remember the old cliche that after rain comes sunshine. It’s not just a cliche – it’s true. Watch The Holiday and learn what the women in that movie learnt – there’s better than second best. There is number one.
Image source: Pinterest
By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery
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