How to Handle Loving and Dating a Married Man
Dating married man is not something any of us want to do. We know it’s wrong and harmful, but we can’t always help how we feel. In fact, love is blind. We can never control how we feel about someone – no matter if they’re married or not.
Our feelings don’t just get turned off the second we realize they have a ring. That being said, we can control our action. If you find yourself in the midst of dating a married man, there are different things you should make sure you’re doing to ensure that you really want to go on loving this man.
Handling loving a married man isn’t easy. It can get really complicated, messy, and your feelings could get destroyed in the process. If you still want to move forward with dating a married man, this is everything you should know.
Questions to Ask Yourself First
Don’t go blindly into a relationship with a married man. Before you start something with them, you have to ask yourself a few questions to make sure it’s something you really want to do.
- Are you just lonely?
This is a must-ask question. Are you just lonely with your life and you’re looking for some fun and a married guy is the only person there? If you only want to hook up with someone and have a joy ride, don’t do so with a married man. The chance of ruining his marriage isn’t’ worth your loneliness.
- Is their relationship healthy?
How is his relationship with his wife? You may think it’s terrible based on the fact that he’s out with you, but the truth is, many men have it great at home and love their wife, they’re just out looking for fun. This means they’ll manipulate you into thinking they’re miserable so you’ll take pity on them.
- Do they really have feelings for you?
Like I mentioned above, some men just want fun. Do you really want to waste your time with a married man who you never have a chance of actually being with? Does he really have feelings for you or is he just fabricating them so you’ll climb into his bed?
- Can you live with the consequences?
There are many, many consequences of dating a married man and you have to make sure you’re someone who can live with those consequences before moving forward. You can see some of the most important ones listed in another section so you can decide for yourself.
- Are you willing to risk your reputation for them?
We all know what happens when word gets out that a man was cheating on his wife. The other girl becomes the talk of the town – and not in a good way. That being said, you have to ask yourself if you’re ready for the ridicule if something like that ever happens. If you’re not, you need to think twice about loving him.
- Did he admit to being married up front?
This is important for a lot of reasons. If he told you right away that he was married and you pursued him, then he was giving you an opportunity to leave. That basically means he has no plans of leaving so he didn’t need to hide it. Therefore, you can’t have a future with him.
- Are you okay with being put on the backburner?
A husband’s wife and kids – if they have any – will come first. If you’re in dire need of him but he has a prior commitment with them, he won’t go to you. Are you able to deal with being put on the backburner and not being a priority in his life? Because that’s the reality of dating a married man.
- Do you think they’ll ever get a divorce?
The main purpose of dating someone is to build a future with them. If you don’t think they’ll ever leave their wife, what’s the point? If you can see them gearing up for a divorce and that’s why they went out seeking a new companion, then it’s a better situation.
- Could you handle the drama of a divorce?
Divorce comes with a lot of drama for the husband. Are you ready to deal with all of that right beside him? Are you ready to help him through such a difficult time? Because if you two end up in a serious relationship and he leaves his wife for you, that’ll be your reality.
- How well do you really know him?
Do you know them all that well in the first place or do you think you know them? Many married men take on a new persona when having an affair and you have to realize that. Do you really know the man you’re with to his core or do you just know a fraction of him that you get after his wife gets him?
Things to Remember
It’s important not to let love blind you in the case of dating a married man. It can be really hard during certain times and you have to maintain a clear head so you can think logically about things.
- His wife and kids (if he has them) will come first.
This is what you have to deal with. No matter how much you want to see him or need him by your side, he will never be able to put you first so long as he’s married. If you don’t remember this, it can cause a lot of heartache and you’ll be upset the majority of the time.
- Things will shift from fun to serious and it can be hard.
When a man is having an affair, he’s having fun. He’s hooking up and getting something fresh. But if the two of you decide to take things to a serious level, it can be really hard to talk about and live with if they don’t want to leave their wife.
- It’s very likely he will never leave his wife for you.
This is something you can never forget. The majority of men will NEVER leave their wives for their mistress. They will have fun with you and maybe actually care a lot about you, but in the end, his wife is the woman he gave his vows to and promised to be with forever.
- He’s still sleeping with his wife – no matter what he says.
Do you really want to be having sex with a man who’s having sex with someone else? Because that’s what you have to remember when he says he’s not sleeping with his wife. He still is. He can’t not sleep with her or she’d get suspicious and truthfully, he wants to have sex with her.
- You will be judged for this by friends and family.
Get ready or the judgment if you want to date and love a married man. Your friends and family will probably not be supportive at all and that can be a difficult thing to get past. The truth is, dating a married man is taboo to many people and you’ll be judged hard for it and people may not like you anymore.
Tips for Dating a Married Man
Now that you know all of that and you still want to move forward with dating a married man, there are a few things you can do to make it easier. Here are some tips to keep things from going south.
- Never force him to choose.
This is the worst thing you can do and ultimately, you will lose him for doing this. If you want to make things work while dating a married man, you have to give him the choice and you can’t force him to make it. He will choose you if his heart desires, but just remember that he probably won’t.
- Abide by a set schedule for communicating and seeing each other.
Don’t go calling him whenever and wherever. If he asks you to only call during a certain time on a certain phone, then you must agree to that. If you want the relationship to work, you have to stick to a schedule so his wife won’t find out and ruin everything.
- Don’t go blabbing about it to everyone.
Don’t gossip about your relationship and the state of it to everyone. The truth is, it’s really taboo to date a married man and others will likely tell more people and it’ll end up getting back to his wife and your relationship will be completely over.
- Don’t put him first.
This may seem like an odd tip, but think about it. He’s not putting you first, is he? He has a family to put ahead of you and you have to make sure you’re treating him equally. Don’t make them a priority until you are theirs. Make sure you have your own life and put others ahead of him so he knows that you won’t put him first until you’re first.
- Be honest with yourself.
If you can’t see the relationship going anywhere and you can’t see him divorcing his wife, then keep that in mind at all times. Don’t just shove those feelings down deep and ignore them.
Rules to Follow
Dating a married man isn’t like dating other men. Sure, the same principals apply, but there are a whole host of other rules you must follow if you want to make your relationship with him work.
- Make it worth your time.
This is the number one rule you have to follow. If the relationship is going to be a complete waste of time, then you should look elsewhere. Your time is precious and you only have one life. You need to learn to live it and make the time you spend worth a damn.
- Communicate your feelings regularly.
Make sure to keep him in the loop with everything you’re feeling. If you’re feeling guilty, tell him. If you’re feeling like you’re falling in love, make sure he knows it. This can help make sure your relationship is going somewhere.
- Set your expectations early.
Don’t just waltz into the relationship with no standards or expectations. Tell him that you want something real with him – not just a hookup. By doing this, you’re giving them the choice to give you those things or walk away.
- Don’t fall for his “I’ll get divorced someday” speech.
If he’s repeatedly telling you that he will get a divorce eventually, don’t fall for that crap. Many guys like to dangle false hope in front of their mistresses in an attempt to keep them around. They don’t want to lose you, but they don’t actually want to be with you either.
- Maintain your normal lifestyle.
Don’t change anything about your life for this person. Keep going to your volleyball games, maintain your friendships, and don’t warp your life around what they need you to do. They’re not worth you changing everything about your life just for them.
Dating a married man doesn’t come without consequences. Truthfully, there are many. However, we’re going to touch on the main consequences of dating a married man so you can truly decide if you’re ready for it.
- Your reputation can be ruined.
This is a big one. If word gets out about your affair, your reputation can get squashed. You’ll be the “other woman” and many people will be concerned about bringing their husbands near you. And it’ll just make you look terrible.
- You can get your heart broken.
The reality of dating a married man is that the relationship will likely be short. Not many men actually divorce their wives so they can be with their mistresses. This can completely break your heart if you’re not ready for it.
- You could be wasting your time.
Wasted time is a reality of loving and dating a married man. If the relationship never amounts to anything, you’ll have wasted all that time being with someone who really didn’t ever see a future with you. You’ll end up realizing just how much you could’ve done with the time you wasted waiting for him to call or waiting for him to sneak away.
- Altercations with his wife.
Women are hurt and angrier than you can imagine if they find out their husband is cheating and you can bet that she’ll confront you about it, as well. Since you knew he was married, she’ll have a lot of hate toward you and you’ll have to deal with some altercations with her.
- Feeling ashamed all the time.
You now dating a married man isn’t the right thing. You know he’s disrespecting his wife and it’s wrong. Are you able to live with feeling ashamed much of the time for what you’re doing? You will have moments where you feel fine and others where you’re ashamed with yourself. Can you life with that?
Dating a married man isn’t something any woman should do. You should wait for him to be divorced or not get involved at all. But if you’re a slave to your heart and can’t help it, this is everything you should know.