Facts About Rebound Relationships—And How to Have One!

By on January 27, 2014






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Although most love columns and advice tries to steer people away from rebound relationships, the chances of them occurring still remains. If you are on the rebound from an old relationship, you are more likely to jump into a new one in an effort to recover. Individuals who do choose to have a rebound relationship should follow these steps to make sure that their new relationship is sustainable and healthy.

A rebound relationship is normally a relationship that takes place after a long-term relationship and only lasts for a short time. It may be used to mend a broken heart or to show an ex that the partner has managed to move on. These types of relationship are easy to spot because they are essentially a band-aid for the pain of a breakup. People use rebounds to feel wanted again and avoid the pain of rejection. This is true for ladies even if they were the one to initiate the breakup.

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For ladies who cannot move on after a breakup, a rebound is a way to distract their mind from obsessing about an ex-love. Some women use it to seek companionship that replaces the relationship they lost. They may use this relationship as a source of sex or just someone to go to parties with.

In general, rebound relationships do not last for long. The duration of the relationship depends on a few factors. If the individual on the rebound is available and emotionally stable, the new relationship has a chance of lasting. Unfortunately, many people who are on the rebound are not able to make a true emotional connection with someone else. They still possess the baggage of the last relationship and may have feelings that remain from an ex. If this is true, the new emotional connection will be marked by struggles and will be impossible to maintain.

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People who are on the rebound may try to distract their mind and emotions from a painful breakup. In these instances, they form a new relationship. Before long, they realize that the relationship is just a distraction. The duration of the relationship may also depend on how long it takes for the new partner to figure out that they are just a rebound. They may be fine with the relationship for a while, but end it after they realize it is just a rebound. Few people are interested in being a distraction or a rebound partner for long. Despite the concerns about a rebound relationship, not every breakup leads to a rebound. In some instances, the relationship is actually over and the partners are both able to be emotionally available to their new dates.

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It is impossible to determine how long has to pass after a relationship ends for someone to recover. Some individuals can move on within hours of the relationship while other people take months. Likewise, some people breakup because they have already met someone that they are interested in. For these cases, the new relationship is far less “new” than it appears to outsiders. Two people who genuinely connect can be honest about their emotional baggage and keep the new relationship alive.

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Looking at the Situation

Before embarking on a rebound, you have to consider where you are at emotionally and mentally. You must consider the reasons for the breakup and how amicable the end of the relationship was. Likewise, you should look at how you handled yourself after the breakup. Was the new relationship started immediately or did it take longer to move on? Likewise, you have to look at how solid the new relationship is and if you are still in contact with your ex. Have you been interested in the new romance before or did they suddenly arrive out of nowhere?

Relationships that are genuine rebounds may need to be put on hold until you can sort out your feelings. If you do want your ex back, it will only occur if your qualities and the strength of your past relationship is enough for you to return. Having a new relationship will not suddenly make you appear more attractive or interesting to the ex. When your ex has moved on, you have to learn how to move on by yourself. Your rebound relationship can last, but it is up to you.

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How to Have a Rebound Relationship

Stop Comparing Dates

The first step to having a positive rebound relationship—and long-lasting—is to stop judging the new partner. Although it is nature to compare people, it is unfair for your new date. Often, people notice an ex’s negative characteristics more than they did during the relationship. When they form a new romantic connection, they try to look for the absence of these characteristics. Although it is good to learn from relationships, there is a chance that you are just looking for someone who is the opposite of your ex. When you start a rebound, you should not be looking for someone who lacks the negatives of your ex. Instead, you should be searching for someone who possesses the positive attributes that you want. Although some of these positive attributes the same as the characteristics of your ex, you need to avoid feeling nostalgic. If you want the new relationship to survive, you have to make sure that you select the right partner.

One additional thing to consider is if your new partner was interested in you before the breakup. Although this could be a sign of true love, it could also be a sign that your new partner is only interested in people who are physically or emotionally unavailable. If he or she did flirt with you during the relationship, they may not care about the feelings or relationship status of others. Unless you want them to pursue another relationship while they are with you, you may need to trust your instincts and leave.

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End it Completely With the Ex

For a new relationship to work, you have to make sure that everything is completely over with your ex. If you are still hoping for the relationship to begin again, you will be emotionally unavailable for your new love interest. People who start relationships while they are still emotionally connected to their past will spend weeks confused. In addition, your new partner will feel betrayed if they find out that you were never really into them. When you are at the point where your inner voice knows that it is over, you can pursue a new relationship.

Listen to Your Friends and Family

Judging someone you have strong feelings for is never an easy task. Sometimes, you have to have an outside relationship. While your judgment is clouded, close friends and families can point you in the right direction. With their help, you can steer away from drama and unsuitable partners.

Respectfully Talk About Your Ex

In job interviews, applicants have to always avoid talking about their former job negatively. New companies assume that someone who trash talks their old boss will do the same with a new one. In relationships, the same rule of thumb holds true. If you do have to bring up your ex, you have to avoid being resentful or negative about them. Your new date may be annoyed by hearing about an ex, or the diatribe may scare them off. Instead of sharing your hurt feelings with your date, you should use a therapist or trusted friend to listen to your worries.

When the topic of the breakup comes up, you can simply say that the former relationship was not the right one for you. If your new partner continues to press the topic, you can be honest about the breakup. At all times, you have to remember to be respectful and discreet. If your partner wants to know if you still have feelings for your ex, you can be honest and tactful. They may need reassurance that the former relationship is over and you are moving on. You do not have to lie to them, but you should always emphasize that your old relationship is completely over.

Look at What Went Wrong

If you have some time alone or want to wait before starting a new relationship, you can use these days productively. Take an honest look at your last relationship and figure out how you were personally responsible for its dissolution. There are two people in a relationship and each person carries some of the responsibility for the breakup. Perhaps you did not truly listen to a partner or flaked on plans frequently. No matter what the reason, you have an opportunity to improve yourself before you start a new relationship. Practice your new skills and make sure to be attentive to your new partner. This attitude will help signal to your new significant other that you are emotionally stable and ready to work on a long-term relationship.

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Watch What You Are Doing

There is a tendency for people to jump feet first into a new relationship after a breakup or a divorce. Recognize that this could happen to you and remember to take things slowly. Relationships take time to build and there is no reason to rush things along. You can take time to really get to know your new partner and give yourself time to heal.

Rebound relationships are not always a bad thing. The end of your last relationship is a chance for you to learn more about yourself and find the right person to be with. For everything to work out, you have to make sure that your last relationship is over and you have truly moved on.





7 Comments

  1. Charles

    May 6, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    I consider myself a bit of an expert on relationships..In the case of rebounding ..You really have to grow to be a WHOLE person Not a Half looking for another half to (As tom Cruise said to Renae)COMPLETE YOU…….Two Whole people getting together works a heck of a lot better than two halves..So Grow to be YOU alone First..I think that Six months for every four years you were together NOT EVEN A DATE…Married/Together TEN YEARS? Stay completely alone relationship wise for one year and six months ,(2 years is better)..You will be glad you did..That way you will be able to make intelligent choices better than “Codependent” rebound choices

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 9, 2016 at 8:03 am

      You are probably right about that, Charles. If you have been in a relationship for a long time, it will also take a long time to get over the relationship. When people date before they are actually ready to, they end up making poor choices and just attaching themselves to a rebound relationship. By learning who you are and becoming whole again, people can be better able to have a new relationship in the future. Great points, Charles–thanks for commenting!

  2. Courtney Pocock

    March 19, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    Excellent point. To be fair to the other person, you should always tell them that they are just a rebound. It may be an awkward conversation, but it is better than just using them to get over your last breakup.

  3. mark

    January 24, 2015 at 5:18 am

    my lover ran off with a better man to spite me after reading this article I hope it works out for her..but there both in for a rocky road
    thanx

    • Courtney Pocock

      March 19, 2015 at 3:34 pm

      I hope everything is going well with you. If you were not right for each other, it is better for you to find it out as soon as possible. There are other ladies out there, and you will find the right one. Best of luck!

  4. Karen

    May 5, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    While I agree that a rebound relationship can help people to deal with the pain of a breakup, I don’t favor them. Unless you are telling the person you are having the rebound relationship with that this is nothing but a rebound relationship, you would be using that other person, and that ain’t right.

    • web admin

      web admin

      May 12, 2015 at 6:55 pm

      I agree with you on that, Karen. You should always be open and honest with the other person. It is definitely not fair to have a rebound relationship or a fling without letting the other person know. No one wants to find out that they were used, so you have to act fairly in a rebound relationship.

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