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The Difference Between Men and Women in Relationships
Most articles like this on the internet will state that men are primitive creatures that are less evolved emotionally and urge you to dumb down to his primal and simple communication style. However, I’d like to propose that this negative viewpoint sets you up for failure because you will come off as condescending, blaming and attacking. If you can for a moment, break away from your viewpoint of gender and think of people in terms of either more masculine or feminine in their approach. This means that some women will fall into the masculine category and some men will fall into the feminine category. Shakespeare said, “all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players.” Some men play the role of the tough guy while others are much more soft and let the woman be the director. It’s no longer apropo to make blanket statement generalizations about the difference between men and women in relationships.
Now here’s an important part of the mind puzzle in relationships. Let’s remember that we limit ourselves when we think too black and white about things. Think of this as a road map but not an absolute truth because at the end of the day, we will vacillate on how much masculine or feminine energy we use in a relationship based on the seasons, contexts, environments and stress levels.
The problem with making generalizations is that it creates expectations. If you expect a man to be emotionally closed off, you project that expectation and look for those behaviors. This is how a woman often operates in a relationship. This creates defensiveness and arguments. Men’s ego’s are hurt when a woman blames a man for their unhappiness.
The Top 5 Differences Between Masculine and Feminine Role Players in Relationships Are:
Masculine people prefer independence rather than groups for finding strength
Masculine people prefer to work out their emotions privately instead of with others
Masculine people like to talk more succinctly and directly
Masculine people are less likely to blame their partner for their feelings
Masculine people like to challenge their minds and bodies more to feel security
A man (or masculine) will retract and shut down when they are blamed or attacked. They will become defensive nine times out of ten. If you say, “you made me feel this way” it won’t improve how you’re feeling. Men don’t usually blame women for how they feel which in my opinion is an evolved emotional coping skill. Men instead retreat to do something meditative such as woodworking, golfing or video gaming so they can clear their mind and return in a happy go lucky state of mind.
Women hold onto things and think the other person must change in order for them to be happy. Our perceptions are more warped than we realize. Men seem on the surface, more emotionally primitive perhaps because they don’t always want to discuss feelings but the other side of the coin is that they work their feelings out within themselves and process them efficiently instead of puking them onto others. Sorry to be so graphic but this is why women push men away.
Men are usually more matter of fact and to the point with their words because they do not project as much crap onto others as women (or feminine dominant people) do. Some men do blame others for their unhappiness and you’ll notice that these type of men can be very negative curmudgeons.
Here’s one interesting phenomena that further expresses my point that men are not less evolved and that we should not think of them in that way. Men may not obsess over eating healthy food in a relationship and often women badger them to eat more vegetables etc. However the stress that women give themselves about their husband’s food choice may be just as harmful to their bodies as eating unhealthy! Men choose what keeps their stress low and women stress over food choices. It’s quite ironic.
Finally, both men and women truly enjoy love. Let’s not think that men only want women for their looks, that is an archaic myth that was dispelled long ago. If you think you need to plaster makeup on your face to get a good man, go back to the drawing board. Men love you for your energy and your charisma, your self love and your dreams. Men want to support you and want your respect. More than anything, what women are confused about in our society is that men look for women who are self respecting and solid within themselves instead of throwing themselves at men.
Men (or masculine dominant people) enjoy laughing, doing fun things to lighten the mood and challenging their minds and bodies. While women (or feminine dominant people) enjoy group activities; men like to be solo adventurers to strengthen their minds. While most, but not all, women, find strength in numbers, men find strength in independence. Is either better? No. They are just different sides of the same coin. The yin and the yang. Some women act more masculine and some men act more feminine. The challenge is to find someone that balances you and then not fight about your differences but appreciate them.
Often but not always, men are more likely to, if they are the masculine one in the relationship (which we’ve recognized is not always the case) to enjoy more challenging brain and body activities. Men learn through these challenges and often women think they are childish. Men test their minds through their physical bodies. They set goals and see what it takes to achieve them. Think of sports as a testing ground for working things out in their minds, just as women chat with other women to discuss how they think and respond to situations. Again, neither is bad or good, just different.
Finally, I’d like to point out that this article is less about the difference between men and women and more about the difference between yang and yin people. Yang refers to masculine and yin refers to feminine. Some men are more yin and some women are more yang. Therefore, you can apply this advice accordingly to the traits you see in your own relationship. Hopefully you are able to now see that just because the person communicates differently and responds to stress differently, doesn’t mean they are bad or less evolved than you. They are still just as deserving of your love as you are of theirs.