Dating British Men
You might have fallen in love with James Bond or either Colin Firth or Taron Egerton in The Kingsmen. It might also be that you randomly passed a British bloke in the street and heard that accent and swooned. It happens to the best of us. Believe me, I moved to London. That somewhat cured my love of British accents, but I did swoon when watching the Kingsmen. Even when Taron Egerton spoke with an East London accent. Potentially because I was in L.A. when watching it, because as much as I love British accents I do not love living in London. Something about the rain.
There are things you should know when dating British men. One is that if you go to London to find them, chances are you won’t. Why? Everyone goes to London, and I mean everyone. You can be on a bus in the midst of Piccadilly Circus and hear nothing but foreign accents. But I digress. Let’s chat about what it’s truly like to date British men…
If There Is A Crisis
Copious amounts of tea will be consumed. If he tries to comfort you, if there’s a problem at hand or it’s just a tad chilly (it often is in Britain) you will hear him say something like “I will put the kettle on then, shall I?” With that accent.
Other problems will be solved with his mates at the pub drinking pint after pint.
Some problems may also be solved by whiskey.
British men are not afraid of color. Take it from me, I once worked at Hackett. We sold “The Traditional British Kit.” Only Brits wear pink socks with red dots on them, paired with a pink shirt and a green tweed jacket with a pink checkered pattern. To prove my point, follow this link to Hackett.
If they take the piss, they mean they are mocking/making fun of something. If they are getting pissed they mean they are getting drunk (also known as getting hammered). If it’s pissing down it means it is raining. If he’s pissed off, he’s angry. If he takes a piss, it means, well, what it says.
But do not be alarmed. If it is pissing down and your British boyfriend is both pissed and pissed off and in need of taking a piss, then you just use your brolly (umbrella) to navigate your way (i.e. it transforms to a weapon used for getting people out of the way) through the busy streets of London town. And when you get home, after pulling off your wellies (Wellingtons, that is) you put on the kettle for a strengthening cup of tea, naturally.
Politeness and Swearing
Brits swear. Use The Kingsmen as reference if you do not believe me. On the flip side, they are also extremely polite (East Londoners potentially excluded). Please and thank you go a long way. Their sense of service in restaurants, however, is lousy. Somehow it’s polite to wait kindly you see. And apologize to the waiter if complaining. In fact, just apologize to everyone and you will be ever so British.
What I’m trying to say is that you may have to warn him not to swear in front of your mother and warn your mother that he will be apologizing about everything. Apart from swearing.
Paying the Bill
Most British women work, so whilst the ever so traditional British man might not wish for you to pay, if he’s not making the big bucks, he might expect it.
Uhm, it didn’t really exist until online dating came along. Yes, if you are a couple you might take someone out to dinner for a date night (Valentine’s), but like many other countries in Europe people fell into relationships. Friends of friends would meet at social gatherings and sooner or later there’d be a party where they’d get it on. Or they’d swap numbers, text/call and at some stage arrange to meet up, which, after some alcohol, would lead to a kiss.
Of course, some men would have ask out a colleague or friend to dinner, or drinks, but chances are they’d randomly suggest drinks after work and just hang out until one day, oups, they kiss.
So when you so-to-speak date someone, it’s more like falling into a relationship with someone, testing the waters and seeing how it goes.
And men like to be in charge. Most of the time.
If you tell him you lost your pants, he thinks you lost your knickers. I.e. your panties.
He Won’t Boast
In America one puts one’s credentials up front – “I’ve done great in business, please respect me.” If you try that in Britain they will think you an ego-maniac with poor self-confidence and behavioral problems. You don’t boast in Britain.
Brits are more arrogant in the Mr Darcy, quiet but composed, kind of manner, where they pretend everything is jolly good. Until they get a few pints in the system and end up in a pub brawl that is.
If You Want a True Brit…
Go to Oxford or Cambridge. You’ll get the accent, the Darcy kind of pompous arrogance (sometimes this is not as charming as Darcy himself) and plenty of academics who know everything. You’ll also find the pub where Lord of the Rings was written. If you meet a man there, that’d be a meet-cute to write home about. A real Hollywood fairytale. No sarcasm intended. Almost.
By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery
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